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Taissa had been adamant about not letting anyone else know about her sleepwalking. Van had nodded, although confused about her reasoning that the taller girl always refused to give. If more people knew about it, wouldn’t it keep them and Tai safer? Was she embarrassed? Ashamed? Afraid? There weren’t many people there that Van thought could be freaked out by it, besides maybe Laura Lee or Jackie, but Van didn’t think they were in the position to complain about Taissa freaking them out.
Van would never forget the scream Crystal had let out when she had woken up to get some water the nights following Travis’s death, only to find Laura Lee at the lake in the freezing cold, praying. This would be weird to be so freaked out about it, except the fact that Laura Lee’s new appearance following the plane incident was not easy to get used to. The plane barely even took off over the lake, instead bursting into flames the moment Laura Lee got the plane to move, whilst still being inside of it.
The girl had some very bad burns on the right side of her face, which had been ensnared by the flames when the fire started. Van, however, was in no place to be freaked out by the blonde’s wounds, judging by the wounds she had gotten not even a day before Laura Lee’s accident. Both were in the same boat. Van sent the worst glare she could muster to Misty when she had regarded Laura Lee’s appearance as “creepy.” In Van’s opinion, the blonde was still beautiful as ever. She just wished she could let Laura Lee know that.
Jackie too, had a missing finger, and three missing toes, as well as frostbite scars lining her face from falling asleep outside in the snow just a month or two earlier. Van had thanked whatever higher power there was for causing Jackie not miraculously not die from spending an entire night out there without dying, although she did not emerge from the incident unscathed. Van still cringed in discomfort when she saw Jackie’s missing left ring finger, never forgetting the scream Jackie had let out when Misty had chopped it off a week after the incident while Jackie was bedridden from sickness. Van had left when Misty had moved onto Jackie’s toes, racing to the lake and covering her ears to avoid the girl’s screaming.
With all the incidents like that, Van hadn’t the slightest clue why Taissa was so secretive about it, and honestly, she didn’t care very much. It was Tai’s business. Tai’s reasoning for keeping Van and Shauna silent on her sleeping issues was the least important thing on Van’s docket, right in front of the worry of if she was missing any new Spice Girls releases.
This secrecy Tai had sworn her to also led to the use of bracelets and long sleeves. They were already always wearing long sleeves due to the weather, but Van refused to pull them up, even if she was right next to the fire, and Mari had gone so far as to take off her ratty, old yellow hoodie that she had worn non stop since the first snow and hadn’t taken off since.
She refused to let them see the marks on her left wrist. Van knew there was no way she could escape their questions, and she frankly refused to lie and say it was a sex thing. Every night, before “fugue” Tai became fully aware, Van found that she would tug and yank on the rope, before simply untying it. This made the wound worse. It was beginning to blister and bruise, dried blood covering it creating a line all around her wrist as if Moses had parted the red sea of her own skin.
Nobody could or would know about Taissa’s sleepwalking, or the wound Van had from attempting to stop it. Van refused to believe that the injuries could have gotten worse than just the cut on her wrist.
Van lazily opened her eyes, feeling the tugging on her wrist, followed by scorching pain. She jolted up immediately, only to be met with the dead eyes that made Van immediately realize Taissa was asleep. Taissa, after she had finished tugging roughly at the rope and frankly leaving Van in silent agony, began to untie it.
“Hey, Tai? Sweetie? No, you can’t-” Van hadn’t expected the sleeping Taissa to listen to her, but she certainly didn’t expect what would follow.
Taissa, or “fugue state” Taissa, launched herself at Van before Van had the chance to even flinch. The speed and impact of the shove launch both of them back, causing them to roll over. Van winced as her back was slammed into the floor, a resounding thud echoing through the house.
Van opened her mouth, let out what was going to be a surprised yelp, only to be cut off by Tai’s hand shoved over it. Van blinked, looking up at her. A wild look was in her dead brown eyes. A look Van didn’t recognize. Van struggled, trying to talk, but Taissa’s cold hand kept her from getting anything out.
Without warning, Taissa’s head shot down, teeth bared. Van let out a silent scream as Tai’s teeth roughly sunk into the soft flesh just beside her neck. Van thrashed, causing her to be in more pain as Taissa's teeth sank deeper, her dead, emotionless, yet wild eyes staring down at Van.
Van felt sick. She felt sick towards herself for feeling reminded of the wolves in this situation. Why was her vision blurring, instead seeing the bloodied, large jaws of the wolf, clamping down on her and waving her around wildly, tearing into her flesh as her screams began to die out as she lost consciousness.
Van needed to get Taissa to stop now. Not all because she was in agony not only from her wrist, but from her shoulder, but also she knew if Taissa wanted to go further with ripping Van to shreds, the ginger knew Taissa would never forgive herself.
She thrashed again, not caring for the more pain it put her in. She had thrashed enough to make Taissa move her hand away from her mouth, slamming it down on her other shoulder to hold her in place.
“Taissa! Wake the fuck up!” she yelped, kicking her legs against Taissa.
A few more yelps, and awareness creeped back into Taissa's gaze. Immediately, she shot off Van, shoving herself away from her now wounded girlfriend. Confusion and terror was obvious in her gaze. Van stares at her, shaking, not going up to comfort her again. She fiddles with the collar of her shirt, pulling it over the throbbing wound that now sat on her shoulder.
Taissa stared at her, her eyes not fully registering anything except for Van staring at her, matching her own terror.
Van bit the inside of her lip nervously. She tasted blood on her lip, she blinked, realizing she had bit way too hard. Metallic taste enters her mouth, the slightest bit of blood dripping from her lips. Taissa, seemingly now fully aware of her surroundings, looked at her with even more horror, blood dripping from her mouth as well, although not for the same reason Van had blood dripping from hers.
“Did I bite your lip again?” she asked urgently, guilt filling her words .
Van swallowed, nodding hesitantly. She cringed as she felt the blood roll down her throat, warm and metalicy as a liquified nail.
If Taissa knew the truth, there was no way she would allow Van to try to stay tied up with her to keep her safe anymore. She winced, the movement of her neck agitating the wound right next to it, in between her neck and shoulder.
“Yeah, uh, you pinned me down in the middle of the night and started to make out with me, so I assumed you were awake, and then you bit me again,” she lied.
Van hated lying to Taissa. Everytime she did it, she felt as though she was on the verge of spewing vomit onto the ground below. But, there was no way she could tell the truth to keep Taissa safe from herself, especially since she had been getting more and more bold, going more and more distance while sleepwalking every time the two shut their eyes to sleep at night.
Van paused when she saw Taissa’s winded, tearful expression.
“Hey, hey, no, babe. I’m okay, I promise,” she whispered to Taissa, crawling over, much to the protest of her tender wrist and bite wound, cradling Taissa face away from said bite wound in order to not risk revealing it.
“You can’t sleep up here, Van, it’s dangerous!” Taissa whispered sobbed.
Van shook her head.
“You barely hurt me. I’m completely fine, I promise,” she told her, embracing Taissa in a tight hug.
Once her girlfriend’s crying was soothed, she kissed her on the head.
“Let’s go back to sleep, ‘kay?” Van whispered, pulling Taissa down back onto their blankets, cuddling up under Taissa’s chin.
She tried not to react when Taissa's arm draped over the wound, positioning her arm over her shoulder, and wrapping her arm around Van’s neck.
Van would be fine. Right?
‘She barely even bit me,’ Van thought to herself, ignoring the blood pooling from the deep wound, yet not even staining through her back hoodie.
Van soon realized Tai did not barely bite her, per say. Her entire body felt so cold. She would break out into shivers, even when she was by the fire. The others wrote it off as normal, seeing as it was the dead of winter, but she didn’t miss the concern in some of their gazes.
It had been 2 days since the incident in the attic, and Van felt as if her body was tricking her. She was only injured in her shoulder and wrist, and despite this, her whole body ached, to the point where she could barely walk.
Laura Lee stared at her when they were getting water, concern on her face. “Are you… okay? You are walking funny,” the blonde reasoned, playing with her hair.
The blonde had begun to braid her hair as it grew, positioning to cover the burn marks that covered the side of her face like a mask you’d find at a halloween store. Her voice was far more monotone than it had been just months before, and Van realized that Laura Lee began to seem more and more lifeless as the days passed.
Van shivered, from what she assumed to be the cold, but it was amplified for some reason. She told herself it was probably due to it being colder than usual.
“I slept funny,” Van told her curtly, yet sending her a tired smile.
If Van could keel over and die at this very moment, she would. She was in so much agony in almost all of her joints as she picked up the pale of ice that was on the lake. It was almost like the sickness she had after the attack from the wolves. Nobody had told her why she felt sick, so she had just assumed it was a cold. It felt better then probably because she was in bed most of the time with the remainder of medicine they had, but she told herself she could just walk this off.
“Van… are you sweating?” Van heard Jackie ask, as she trailed behind the two.
Jackie had just begun to get the hang of walking with missing toes, causing her to walk with somewhat of a limp. Shauna had tried to stress that Jackie should stay in the cabin, but Van realized that Jackie was probably scared of being seen as useless as she was before, something Van could understand whilst she was injured from the wolves.
Van lifted a hand to her head, sweat now covering her shaking, clammy hand. Why was she sweating? It was extremely cold out, and Van felt it was almost colder than normal.
“Huh?” she whispered, confusion consuming her face.
Jackie and Laura Lee were now both staring at her, concern painted on their faces which Van mistook for pity.
“Oh, I just have a bit of a headache, is all. I’m fine though,” Van chuckled.
She technically wasn’t lying. She had a throbbing headache the moment she woke up yesterday and it hadn’t gone away since. She just assumed she was having a really long migraine, which she used to get back home.
“Let's go back,” she chuckled again.
After an agonizing walk back, and the feeling of both Jackie and Laura Lee staring at her, Van enters the cabin. Usually, when she would enter, she’d be enveloped by warmth. However, for the past few days, the only thing that would change was the lack of wind. Besides that, she felt as cold as ever, still shivering as she sat by the fire.
Laura Lee and Jackie sat down in their separate places, Jackie with Shauna, and Laura Lee with Lottie. Van’s head was throbbing. She could barely think. Even being near the fire hurt her eyes. She winced.
“Van.”
Why did her stomach hurt so bad as well? She hadn’t eaten in days. What was there to hurt?
“Van?”
She sighed to herself, rubbing her forehead. Why did her head hurt so bad? Now that she wasn’t having to deal with the agony of her joints when she’d move, her head was throbbing with pain. Not to mention, her bite wound wasn’t feeling too good either. She refused to look at it, but it felt incredibly tender.
“Van!”
Van turned around, nearly vomiting at her own quickness of the turn, and wincing at the dizziness that followed.
“Huh?” she asked, blinking slowly.
“Mari asked if you wanted food. Shauna grabbed some meat from the shack,” Jackie told her.
Van blinked. Her stomach was killing.
“I’m good. I’m not hungry,” she told Jackie with a smile, turning away just in time to miss the look of concern and skepticism on the Team Captain’s, as well as her brunette companion’s face.
Van felt bile rise in her throat. She was gonna throw up. Goddamn Mari and Jackie for bringing up food.
“I need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back,” she said to nobody in particular, jolting out of the cabin.
She tries to ignore the gazes of concern that followed her. She makes it about four steps out the door before the bile rising in her throat becomes too much, and molten hot liquid exits her mouth as she retches, attempting to stay upright. She felt soft, yet cold hands on her shoulders. She looked up, her vision blurring.
She was met with the image of Taissa, who looked on the verge of tears. She was saying something. Something Van couldn’t hear as her vision began to blur more. She felt muscles in her arms twitching, seizing violently, leaving Van in silent agony as she began to fade out of consciousness.
All she heard as she left the realm was a shrill scream that came from Tai.
“Van?!”
Tai’s throat felt shrill from the scream she just let out. The scream had tugged at her vocal cords without warning, ripping open her mouth to make it.
She had been making her way back to the cabin after going on a brief walk to clear her mind from hurting Van once again just a few nights ago, only to find Van vomiting in the snow. Taissa had called her name, but Van hadn’t even reacted, as if she didn’t hear hurt.
She immediately rushed forward, grabbing Van’s shoulders to support her, being shocker as how fucking hot Van was. Not in an attractive way, but temperature wise. (Not saying that Van wasn’t hot.) Van was hot to the touch, despite the frigid weather, and was panting hard. Taissa shook her, repeating her name. She saw the other girls beginning to poke their heads outside the cabin, confused and concerned at the noise.
It was then that Van began to shake. Not shivering like she already was, but jerky, violent movements as she fell forward into Taissa.
What the fuck?
It was only then the girls burst out the door, only to find Van on her back next to a pool of vomit on the snow, violent jerking. Taissa sat next to her, trying to keep her still, but she just kept violently moving.
She barely heard herself scream out Van’s name.
Just as she tried to force Van to keep still, a blonde blur practically tackled Taissa away from Van. Taissa jolted up from where she was shoved into the snow, only to be met with a panting Misty and concerned and horrified looks from the other girls.
“What the fuck!?” Taissa shrieked, crawling back towards them.
“‘What the fuck’ me?! What the fuck, you!” Misty yelped angrily, “Never move someone having a seizure!” she growled at Taissa.
A seizure.
Taissa knew deep down that was what was happening, but she never registered it.
Van was having a seizure.
They are in the middle of fucking nowhere.
The only one who can help them isn’t a medical professional, but a batshit crazy, power hungry, teenager known as Misty fucking Quigley.
And nobody was coming to help them.
Taissa was surprised by the weak sob that exited her mouth instead of an actual response. She ignored the freezing chill in her knees from the snow as she crawled closer, crowding around with the other girls as they watched Van jerk and seize, all of them having no other expression but pure terror.
“What the fuck? I’ve never seen her have a seizure,” Natalie whispered, horrified.
Taissa turned to look at the bleach-blonde girl.
“Isn’t like- if you’re prone to them, you get 'em’ when you're young, or some shit like that?” Natalie asked nobody in particular.
“Yes, I think. I wasn’t really taught how often or the root reason people get them, only what to do when they happen,” Misty sighed.
“Do you know like- not root reasons?” Shauna piped up.
Van’s jerking slowly began to slow, before coming to a halt. Her breathing sounded strained. Taissa almost vomited when Misty checked for her pulse.
“Well- about that, she’s alive, her pulse is kinda all over the place, but it's there, and she is really warm. Like- way warmer than she should be,” Misty told them, her voice pitching up nervously.
“If she has a fever, like I think she does, a really bad, like death bad fever can lead to a seizure,” Misty told them, still on her knees as she looked up at the rest of the girls, who were all standing, besides Taissa, who was still on her knees.
Taissa’s stomach dropped. It dropped so hard she felt it might come out her ass.
“We need to get her inside. Like- now. The snow, while it’s cooling her off, isn’t doing her any favors when it gives her frostbite,” Misty told the other girls.
The next few moments were a blur. Taissa felt herself, Natalie, Lottie, and Akilah lifting up Van, bringing her into the house and laying her by the fire, before hearing Misty scream to keep her away from it, then putting her in the bed Coach Scott would usually occupy, but he was currently in the meat shed. At least, that’s where his corpse was. Along with Travis’s.
The entire team seemed to crowd around the bed Van had been laid in, where she was still shivering and sweating, muttering words nobody could decipher under her breath. Misty and Taissa pushed through the mix of friends and JV players, Natalie not far behind. Van’s lips parted slightly to let out a gasp, only for Misty to shove a thermometer into it, one they had recently found in Coach Martinez’s bag when they went back to the crash site to look for supplies.
Taissa felt her breathing speed up as she watched the temperature rise higher and higher. It stopped around, from what Tai saw, was between 100°F and 105°F. Misty stared at the thermometer, uttering a phrase that made Taissa sob.
“104°F… that is 5°F higher than her highest should be,” she whispered, horror spreading across her face.
The horror in Misy’s expression made Taissa feel sick. Usually in the situations where Misty knew she had power over some, she was overly giddy and excited to treat them. But now, Taissa realized, Misty can’t have power over a fucking corpse.
Taissa knew you should go to the hospital if a fever was as high as 104°F, but there aren’t any hospitals in the middle of the fucking woods. Van could actually die. They had many close calls before. The fire when the plane crashed, nearly getting torn up by the properlar when Laura Lee first found the plane, the wolves, the fire after, getting a minor fever after the wolf attack, and probably more to come. Taissa knew, and was reminded in most of these instances, that Van wasn’t as invincible as she told Taissa she was.
One of these days, Van could actually die.
This could be one of those days.
“Taissa, is Van wearing a bra under this? We need to take off her shirt. I need to keep her from overheating,” Misty told her bluntly.
Taissa, despite the time of high stress, manages a blush and sputters out “How would I know?”
This response makes every girl turning to her a knowing glance.
“Yes, she is wearing a bra under that,” Taissa conceded.
“What color is it?” Mari asked, only to be smacked upside the head by Akilah, who whispered to her something along the lines of “not the fucking time.”
“Can you take it off? It would be weird if any of us did it,” Misty whispered, now blushing as well.
Taissa glared, but nodded anyway. She slowly lifted the black hoodie Van had been wearing, which had been layered with a denim jacket that had been discarded on the way in. Taissa watched as Van’s chest weakly rose and fell. Her breaths came out of shallow gasp for air, reaching out for oxygen, but receiving barely any in return.
Taissa, only now being so close to Van’s shivering form in the light of the cabin, was aware of how pale her girlfriend was.
She looks dead.
Taissa shoved the thought away, finishing her repositioning of her arms, and lifting the hoodie over her girlfriend's hot, sweltering forehead. As she was folding up the hoodie she had just taken off her, she heard shocked and horrified gasps from around her. She turned back towards Van, her eyes widening. Van laid there, sweating in her sports bra. Scars covered her from the wolf attack, as most would expect, but one wound stuck out.
On her shoulder.
A mark. It looked like a bite. No- it definitely was a bite. It was almost inflated like a balloon, pus swelling and oozing from it. Taissa nearly gagged. Dried blood covered the edges of the tender skin. Taissa didn’t even have it on her own skin, and she felt like throwing up.
That seemed to be the general reaction from everyone around her, resounding gasps of “what the fuck?”s and “holy shit”s.
“Those are bite marks. Something bit her,” Lottie stated, tracing the red, yet pretty unaffected, besides the color, skin around the wound.
“Not ‘something,’ someone. That is a human bite. It looks deep, too. I can’t even see how deep in it goes,” Misty sighed.
Taissa looked away, gagging, before making direct eye contact with Shauna who looked at her with horror. Without even speaking, she knew the question Shauna was asking. She sobbed lightly, shrugging and shaking her head with a desperate ‘I don’t know,’ even though both knew the answer was as clear as the skies on the day they won regionals.
What a perfect day it was.
How far they were from it.
“She should have been in agony. This does explain the high fever though, but it doesn’t make it any less worse,” Misty sighed.
Jackie looked at Taissa and Shauna’s expression, seeing the horror, and catching wind of their silent conversation.
“Taissa..?” Jackie whispered.
Just like that, everyone turned to her, horror in their eyes, which Taissa felt was matching their disgust.
“Jackie-” Shauna began, sending her a glance to keep quiet, but it was too late.
Everyone knew the only person to have been able to do it was Taissa.
“Taissa?” Lottie whispered questioningly.
“ ShesaidIonlybitheronthelip,” Taissa rushed out quickly and quietly, trying to hold back the flood of emotions welling up in her.
“What the fuck did she say?” Natalie asked.
“She told me I only bit her on the fucking lip! I was sleepwalking again, and when I woke up her mouth was bleeding so I asked her and she told me I only bit her on the lip this time! She promised me she was fine! Why did she lie to me!? I could have told you guys and she wouldn’t be half fucking dead right now!” Taissa sobbed, her emotions coming out like a wave that had no signs of stopping.
Tears and snot streamed down her face as she clutched at Van’s arm, trying to comfort herself, but only reminding herself more of how dire the situation was by how warm she was.
Shauna immediately made her way over to her. “Hey, Tai, it’s oka-”
“It’s not fucking okay, Shauna! Even you were smart enough to leave the attic when I began sleepwalking more! She said she was fine! She wasn’t hurt, but even then, she had this fucking thing on her wrist!” Taissa screeched.
Her had grabbed Van’s wrist, moving those stupid fucking bracelets Lottie made her that she had used to cover it, revealing an also very infected looking rope burn.
“You mean to tell me you’ve been hurting Van in your sleep for fucking months at this point!? That wrist wound looks old as shit!” Natalie shouted, standing up and walking towards the sobbing woman, revving up her arm for what the others could only assume was to punch Tai.
She was quickly held back by Misty and Lottie.
“Taissa, we’ve been over this, you can’t control it when you’re sleep walking,” Shauna told her.
Taissa shook her head violently, sobbing harder and harder by the moment.
“I knew it was dangerous! I had fucking bit her in the lip weeks before, yet I still let her stay!” Taissa sobbed.
“Be quiet, please,” Tai heard someone say bluntly.
Taissa looked up, tears dripping down her face.
Lottie.
“What did you sa-”
“Van’s saying something,” Lottie whispered, staring down at the ginger.
All the girls went silent. All the chaos and cacophony came to a halt.
Van was asleep, but it was obvious she was muttering to herself. Her unheard words came out in soft gasps. Only one word was made out, one that made everyone, especially Natalie, tense up.
“ Mama ..?” Van whimpered out weakly, her voice ceasing after that.
A pregnant pause followed. Van blearily opened her eyes, staring at nothing but the ceiling before closing them again, mumbling restlessly as she shivered and sweated in her sleep.
“She got a high fever like this when she was six,” Natalie whispered, causing everyone to turn their heads towards her.
After Travis had died, Natalie barely talked in that soft tone. The only words she would say were either sobs, or violent outbursts. It was jarring to see her talk normally, to say the least.
“Her mom refused to take her to a doctor. She insisted she was faking it. She sent her to play at my trailer, and she passed out and we ended up having to take care of her for a few days, mostly because her mom fucking disappeared. She wasn’t home. The bitch left for whatever reason and came back like a week later,”
Tears streamed down her face as she looked up.
“She was okay then, though. She’ll be okay again,” Natalie whispered, grunting as she wiped her tears away self consciously.
That was the most remotely positive thing Natalie had said since the fucking crash.
Taissa sobbed silently as the girls began to dissipate and go to bed, some sending Taissa scared and disturbed glances. They left Misty and Lottie to work, Taissa weakly standing by, watching. Shauna put a lingering hand on her shoulder, and Taissa turned to look at her.
“Let's get you to bed. You need sleep,” Shauna whispered, Jackie, who was standing beside her in her letterman, nodding in hesitant agreement.
While she was being kind and compassionate to Taissa, deep down Taissa knew there was underlying fear in Jackie now that she knew of Taissa sleepwalking.
Taissa paused. She needed to be strong for Van.
“C-can you… tie me up. I don’t want to…” she trailed off, the unspoken words known to all the girls that stood there.
Jackie hesitantly nodded, eyeing Shauna's pregnant belly. If Taissa hadn’t been so destroyed by recent events, she would have giggled. Ever since Jackie and Shauna resolved their conflict, which consisted of both sobbing and apologizing, Jackie had begun acting like a father to the unborn child. She would constantly, despite her limp, do chores that Shauna would do so she could have it easy.
“Jackie’s not the step dad, she’s the dad who stepped up,” Mari had joked one day, causing the entire cabin to erupt in laughter whilst Jackie blushed.
Causing Van to erupt in laughter.
Taissa smiled at the memory as Jackie tied her up in the attic.
“Are you sure you want me to do this?” Jackie asked.
Taissa knew that all the information Jackie now had about Taissa’s sleepwalking had been from Shauna just a couple minutes ago, so Taissa understood why the girl was so cautious.
“Yes. Then just look at the door. Just make sure… make sure you wake me up early so I can see Van,” Taissa whispered, causing Jackie to nod.
Taissa sat in darkness as the trap door closed and thudded locked, Jackie pushing the ladder against it. Taissa vaguely heard Jackie complaining bellow her, saying “why is that thing so fucking heavy?”
Taissa settled under the blankets, her hands still tied together.
Van would be okay.
She had to be.
It had been a day, and while Van was still bedridden, she became more and more conscious and aware as hours passed. She let out a squeak of complaint as Misty poured more and more water into her mouth while she was half asleep, causing her to send the blonde, poodle-haired girl a sleepy glare. Tai had forced Jackie’s hand into waking up early in the morning, letting her down, and letting her watch over Van.
Every time Tai saw Van, she was reminded how this was her fault. Just like whenever she saw the scars from the wolf attack, it was her idea to have them go off into a no man’s land. Just like whenever she saw the burn scars covering Van’s back and legs, it was her who let Misty suggest burning Van alive without checking her pulse again before they lit the fire. Just like wherever she saw Laura Lee, because of these injuries Van had sustained, it was her fault Laura Lee had nearly been burned alive trying to get help.
Tai was the reason for all of this.
These thoughts plagued her as she loomed over Van’s shivering, sweating body. She frowned at the soft, pained groans and murmurs Van elicited in her sleep. Van looked to be in agony. Whenever Misty walked in with a wet cloth and a pep in her step, Van would wildly flinch when the blonde had Tai wipe the sweat from her forehead.
Tai would feel as though she could bury herself alive whenever Van needed to vomit. Van would lazily awake from her fever induced sleep with pained groans and whimpers, clutching her stomach. Misty would call for someone to get the bucket, which would be filled moments later, whilst Van rived in agony on the bed.
It was hard to watch for everyone. Almost harder to watch than the last time Van had gotten a fever in the wilderness, that being after the wolf attack only a few months before. That time, the fever had somehow been far lower, and more manageable. How Tai’s bite seemed more infectious that a wild animal’s made her feel as though the line had been blurred between her and the wolves to begin with.
Despite this, despite all of this, after Van would initially flinch away from her touch, she would still lean in once she knew who it was. It sickened Tai.
Why, after all she had done to Van, ruined her, ruined her life, ruined her already meager confidence, she still leaned into her touch. She still leaned into Tai. This needed to stop.
As the days passed, Van’s condition slowly but surely became better. Throughout the week, Misty would stand upon a stool and give chipper updates about how Van’s fever was slowly going down, much to the obvious chagrin of Van, who would bury herself in the covers out of embarrassment.
Van could barely talk, but she could let out very brief bouts of sentences that could be pieced together. Whenever she did try to speak, Tai would cringe at how rough it sounded. She supposed the stomach acid rising up and down her throat 24/7 wasn’t doing wonders for the gentleness of her voice, or her ability to articulate certain words.
Van had been throwing up less and less, which Tai knew she should be thankful for, but as Van’s condition got better, the more she realized she needed to stop this. She needed to vow to herself she’d never hurt Van again.
Taissa sat down on the bed. Van’s beautiful, ocean eyes opened wearily. Her pupils dilated in recognition. Tai opened her mouth to speak, but was instead enveloped by a weak hug. Tai stood, frozen. Van’s limbs shook as she hugged her, and the ginger buried her head in the dark haired girl’s shoulder. Tai could barely hear the whimper Van let out.
“It’s not your fault,” Van whimpered hoarsely.
Taissa’s eyes widened in surprise. Van didn’t blame her. This was quite literally, nobody’s fault but Taissa’s, yet Van still tried to reassure her it wasn’t.
Taissa felt fury burn in her stomach. Usually, this would be directed towards herself, but this time, it came out in a toxic spew directed towards Van. She pushed the girl off, trying to ignore the guilt already burning in her stomach when she saw the surprise and confusion in Van’s gaze.
“This, quite literally, is nobody's fault but mine. The only thing you’d be at fault for is that you’d be dumb enough to believe otherwise,” Taissa spat.
Van flinched wildly. Guilt rose in Tai’s stomach. She took a deep breath, containing herself from lashing out.
“I’m not that dumb. You were asleep. There is literally now way you could control it,” Van reasoned, smiling weakly.
“I know you’re not dumb. I’m sorry. I’m just-”
“It’s okay. You’re stressed and you think it’s your fault. For being such a smart lady, this may be the dumbest stance you’ve taken,” Van chuckled, breaking out into a brief coughing fit.
Taissa gave her girlfriend a wobbly smile.
“Look, I know you’ll probably never change your mind no matter how many times I hound you, but I don’t blame you. I’m not mad at you,” Van told her solemnly.
Taissa weakly nodded.
“Besides, I’m almost better actually. Misty said my fever went down enough for it not to be that much of a health hazard,” Van told her.
“After I’m better, we can forget about this,” Van added.
“I guess. Although, you know I’m not gonna let you sleep upstairs with me anymore,” Taissa sighed.
“Really? Damn. I feel like I’m in the dog house,” Van laughed weakly, a laugh which Tai returned.
“You’re not. I think I would be in the dog house in this situation,” Tai chuckled, smiling.
Suddenly, Taissa’s eyes widened in surprise as Van enveloped her in a hug again.
However, Taissa couldn’t shake her frown. She knew that if she had even the slightest possibility of hurting the girl she loved so much whilst she was asleep, this relationship couldn’t and wouldn’t last.
She couldn’t just forget about it.
And so, in the days that followed, Taissa found herself at Van’s side again, uttering the very words that shook Van to her core. Van was sitting in bed, being more recovered than ever, practically good as new.
“Van? I need to tell you something.”
With that, led the beginning of Taissa and Van’s extremely on and off period, filled with longing and guilt from both girls.