Work Text:
Sam_I_Am: can I run something by you and you tell me if it’s weird or not
Missy_Q: yeah?
Sam_I_Am: ok so you know how stephenson has me sorting out the beleriand junk
Missy_Q: uh-huh
Sam_I_Am: got an email from a prof or something asking for one of the artifacts. seemed legit and it only hit me later it’s not a university email address. looked the guy up and i can’t figure out if he’s with the school or not?? plus the email’s kinda weird
Missy_Q: weird how?
Sam_I_Am: hold on let me copy paste
Sam_I_Am:
Dear Samantha,
I’d like to start off by congratulating you and your team on the fruitful search. In all my years of study I did not believe anything could be found under the waters of Beleriand; your efforts have proven me wrong a dozen times over!
You have been doing wonderful work cataloguing the recovered artifacts. Just a quick reminder — I am ready to begin analysis of 32 (bone fragments: right radius and attached carpal bones) any time. When would be a good time to come by and pick them up?
Yours in friendship,
K. M. Singer
Professor of Anthropology
Minas Tirith University
Missy_Q: huh and it wasn’t a university email?
Sam_I_Am: nope
Missy_Q: he has a linked in but it doesn’t look like there’s a picture up. not on any of the university websites either
Sam_I_Am: who signs a work email with “yours in friendship??”
Missy_Q: kooky anthropology professor that’s who
Sam_I_Am: yeah ok fair enough
Sam_I_Am: but I’m emailing stephenson right?
Missy_Q: you weren’t supposed to send 32 off anywhere?
Sam_I_Am: don’t think so?? like it could be the adhd but no I don’t remember?
Missy_Q: you give it to him yet?
Sam_I_Am: NOOOO LOL
Missy_Q: definitely email stephenson then
Sam_I_Am: watch me embarrass myself when it turns out I’ve taken a class with him or something
Sam_I_Am: OK so. you ready to hear the tea
Missy_Q: 👀
Sam_I_Am: stephenson has no idea who singer is. guy doesn’t work here
Missy_Q: BROOOO
Missy_Q: wtf
Sam_I_Am: RIGHT
Sam_I_Am: stephenson emailed him and said we’re going to the police if he tries anything. expect an email in the next few hours about phishing emails, he said he’s sending something out to all the students
Missy_Q: it was phishing?
Sam_I_Am: idk
Sam_I_Am: he said maybe phishing or just simple theft
Missy_Q: wild
Missy_Q: guy out here trying to steal bones
Sam_I_Am: i like moved 32
Sam_I_Am: it lives across from my desk now where i can see the drawer. wrapped it up and tucked it in
Sam_I_Am: don’t worry radius fragment with attached carpals i’ll protect you from weirdos on the internet
Missy_Q: it’s your responsibility now…. take up the good fight
Sam_I_Am: LOL
Sam_I_Am: straight up feel like i’m protecting the honor of some ancient elf dude. we have a warrior’s bone now
Sam_I_Am: *warrior’s bond
Missy_Q: lol
Missy_Q: godspeed
Missy_Q: on an entirely unrelated note did you did you remember to feed eldacat
Sam_I_Am: yeah lol don’t trust his meows he’s lying to you
Sam_I_Am: just got the weirdest phonecall lol
Missy_Q: do tell
Sam_I_Am: someone called in asking what our policy about family members picking up remains. for the beleriand stuff.
Sam_I_Am: that’s been in the OCEAN.
Sam_I_Am: for HUNDREDS of YEARS.
Missy_Q: were they a mermaid?
Sam_I_Am: lol prooobably
Sam_I_Am: kinda a funny voice actually now that you mention it the mermaid theory seems likely
Sam_I_Am: really androgynous and kinda musical
Sam_I_Am: had an accent but i couldn’t place it. or idk if it was an accent at all really
Missy_Q: what do you mean?
Sam_I_Am: just sounded almost like they were slowing themselves down or something. really long pauses between words and the words kind of measured out almost
Missy_Q: huh. what did they say?
Sam_I_Am: just asked if the stuff was still here then about claiming the bones as a family member. i said we didn’t have a process for it because this stuff is long past the point where that kind of thing is relevant
Sam_I_Am: polite at least. didn’t push it.
Missy_Q: wonder if someone took that “chances are we all have an ancestor that fought in the war of the wrath” factoid a little too seriously
Sam_I_Am: probably
Sam_I_Am: all these people trying to take our bones i swear
Sam_I_Am: hey did you go through my backpack for anything
Sam_I_Am: i won’t be mad if you were looking for something just tell me if you did so i don’t have to feel like i’m going crazy
Missy_Q: no? what happened?
Sam_I_Am: a lot of my stuff’s out of order
Sam_I_Am: mostly just work stuff
Missy_Q: sam i think you might have been sleep walking again last night
Missy_Q: didn’t remember it until now but you conked out on the couch last night and then i heard you thudding around the kitchen singing to yourself
Sam_I_Am: oh no
Sam_I_Am: SINGING
Sam_I_Am: asleep me has no sense of shame did i sound like a haunted doll
Missy_Q: well asleep me thought it was quite pretty actually
Sam_I_Am: lol
Sam_I_Am: well okay i feel a lot better
Missy_Q: sam i’m dying of boredom in neuro talk to me
Sam_I_Am: hiii
Sam_I_Am: eldacat’s cuddling up to me rn while i grade the undergrad papers for stephenson are you jealous
Missy_Q: horribly
Missy_Q: anything interesting
Sam_I_Am: outside of an unsourced claim that elrond half-elven invented archeology and some very creative spellings of the word accessory, not really
Sam_I_Am: wanna hear about my weird dream last night
Missy_Q: sure
Sam_I_Am: okay so in the dream I was waiting for my brothers at the bus stop but they weren’t coming. it was getting dark and the bus was about to come and they still weren’t there
Sam_I_Am: i didn’t have my phone of some reason so i’m just sitting there waiting and i miss the first bus
Sam_I_Am: then someone comes up to the bus stop to sit with me, but it’s not them. it’s like this dark crazy tall figure in black robes, like fully 8 feet tall, hood up so you can’t see the face.
Sam_I_Am: and in the dream i wasn’t scared of it. it just came and set next to me for a while. felt like it was waiting for someone too
Missy_Q: and then? did it do anything?
Sam_I_Am: felt like there was something more to it but no i guess that’s it. can’t remember anything else
Missy_Q: did anyone come?
Sam_I_Am: i don’t know
Missy_Q: huh that’s kinda creepy
Sam_I_Am: yeah it weirded me out after i woke up
Missy_Q: you gotta start coming to bed to sleep i feel like you’ll sleep better
Sam_I_Am: uh-huh
Sam_I_Am: bed far and cold, couch close and warm
Sam_I_Am: ellie guess what
Sam_I_Am: ellie i’m at the police station
Missy_Q: SAM?
Missy_Q: are you okay?
Missy_Q: do you need me to call a lawyer
Missy_Q: do you need me to call your mom
Missy_Q: sam?
Sam_I_Am: no lol they wouldn’t let me text if i was arrested
Sam_I_Am: im ok
Missy_Q: lead with that next time please
Sam_I_Am: sorry. thought it was funny
Missy_Q: what happened?
Sam_I_Am: remember singer
Sam_I_Am: the guy from like two weeks ago who tried to get me to give him bones
Missy_Q: oh boy do i
Sam_I_Am: he showed up?? stephenson wants to file a police report that’s why im here waiting to give a statement
Missy_Q: oh shit. when?
Sam_I_Am: literally like half an hour ago
Sam_I_Am: just walked in i guess. ppl are in and out so much we’ve really only been locking up at night
Sam_I_Am: but like by then it was just me there
Sam_I_Am: and stephenson across the hall in his office
Sam_I_Am: i had this whole set up out because i was trying to get good pictures of 24
Sam_I_Am: (that’s like the sword everyone’s arguing about. the really big one that came out of the ground looking shiny af)
Sam_I_Am: anyways like I said that thing is HUGE and I’m having to get up on the step ladder and lean forward precariously to get a picture of it. and i’ve got the really bright professional lights on. then he walks in
Missy_Q: was it like a student?
Sam_I_Am: uh no i don’t think
Sam_I_Am: he was young though
Sam_I_Am: i mean i think he was young
Sam_I_Am: tall guy. long black hair. really pale but he had freckles on his cheeks, big brown freckles. had one of those weird little sunhats on. and i’m hovering above him with these BRIGHT ASS lights on so he looks up at me and you know what i think?
Missy_Q: what?
Sam_I_Am: “damn his pores look great”
Sam_I_Am: seriously i’ve never seen anyone look that good under those lights. skin clear like he’s in a commercial for moisturizer or something
Missy_Q: maybe it’s all the bones he’s been stealing
Sam_I_Am: LOL
Sam_I_Am: anyways I’m still up there right. looking down at the guy. and he picks up the fucking sword??
Sam_I_Am: like not just picks it up but he’s holding it the way you’re supposed to hold it. two hands on the hilt & all. swings it around a little bit
Sam_I_Am: and he’s like. laughing
Sam_I_Am: it’s not really like a bone stealing maniac kind of laugh either. more dignified I guess. something musical to it. like he really just thought the sword was funny
Sam_I_Am: and i’m still on the step ladder hovering awkwardly above him but for some reason i start laughing too. maybe i’m thinking i’m getting pranked at that point idk
Sam_I_Am: so we laugh at the sword for sec, and then he offers me a hand down
Sam_I_Am: he was wearing full on black gloves. he had really warm hands. like he’d just been holding coffee or something
Sam_I_Am: and he was really tall
Sam_I_Am: i wasn’t scared of him or anything
Missy_Q: sounds kinda surreal
Sam_I_Am: yeah it really was
Sam_I_Am: anyways he gives me a hand down and the weirdest part is he knows my name. he’s like you’re samantha right?
Sam_I_Am: and what am i gonna say i’m like yeah
Sam_I_Am: so he’s like samantha can you please give me exhibit#32
Sam_I_Am: and idk why i just did. just went to the drawer and got the bundle out
Missy_Q: maybe because he was pointing a giant sword at you dude?
Sam_I_Am: yeah maybe
Sam_I_Am: maybe
Sam_I_Am: anyways he took it from me and just unwrapped it on the spot. looked down at it for a while
Sam_I_Am: he was humming
Missy_Q: humming?
Sam_I_Am: yeah. something slow. felt like it was maybe some song i knew but i couldn’t remember where i’d heard it.
Missy_Q: creepy
Sam_I_Am: idk it felt sad
Sam_I_Am: a little like classical music, maybe. something im supposed to know the name of
Sam_I_Am: anyways he’s staring down at the bones and humming and i’m just standing there like watching him stare down at the bones
Sam_I_Am: he set the sword down by then i guess. not sure when
Sam_I_Am: and i realize he’s crying a little bit. like not a lot but it’s falling on the bones and that’s not great for them
Sam_I_Am: which i almost said and then i remembered they’d been under the sea for several thousand years & also that he was some kind of weird bone stealing sword wielding psycho
Sam_I_Am: anyways after some time he’s like. that’s all it is isn’t it. that’s all that’s left. says he thought there’d be something more to it.
Sam_I_Am: and i’m like hey man
Sam_I_Am: it’s really incredibly well preserved and it feels rude to the bones to talk about them like that
Sam_I_Am: so then he turns to me and he’s like “is that so” and i’m like “yeah give them some credit”
Missy_Q: sam lmao what did he do
Sam_I_Am: just seemed to think about it for a while. then he’s like. “do you think he’s been waiting?”
Sam_I_Am: or something like that. so i’m like “do you mean the hand?”
Sam_I_Am: and he says yeah he means the hand.
Sam_I_Am: i told him i like to think everyone’s waiting to be found. he didn’t say anything idk what he thought of it. at this point he kinda turns away from from me and looks at the exhibit for awhile
Sam_I_Am: WILDEST PART THO OKAY
Sam_I_Am: he kisses it
Sam_I_Am: like full on lips on bone contact. holds it up to his face and just breathes in deep for a sec. his face is fully like pressed up to the bones at that point
Sam_I_Am: stands there with his eyes closed for a while like he’s listening to voices in his head or something
Missy_Q: well
Missy_Q: guess we know his skincare routine
Sam_I_Am: then he just gave it back to me
Missy_Q: professor bone thief didn’t steal the bones??
Sam_I_Am: no
Sam_I_Am: he told me to take care of it. said we have a warrior’s bond now
Sam_I_Am: so im like wtf did you read my texts
Sam_I_Am: and he told me to password-protect my laptop and just left
Missy_Q: god that’s creepy please say that to the police
Missy_Q: that’s a stalker
Sam_I_Am: idk
Sam_I_Am: i’m not scared of him
Missy_Q: sam you don’t need to be tough about this
Sam_I_Am: it’s not that
Sam_I_Am: this wasn’t about me, that’s all
Sam_I_Am: and he’s not coming back
Sam_I_Am: it was some kind of goodbye. you could just feel that
Sam_I_Am: wasn’t meant for me but it was goodbye