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Rides back were always a little tense.
Kick knew the way by heart. He had been to the safehouse, where they were told to meet up at, many times before. Even in the middle of night, the moon and the stars were enough to guide him, but the sky had gotten foggy and polluted over the years.
His mind was in a million different places. Places where it shouldn’t be, but nothing was there to distract him. Hesh seemed to be equally worried and lost in thought. His face leaned against the window as he stared into the night, with hands resting on his lap. Even with the lack of illumination in the vehicle, Kick could tell he was tired. Who could blame him? The two were on their feet since five in the morning or so. It was a miracle neither had passed out yet. Kick guessed it was the adrenaline keeping them awake over the day, but now that they were safe - as safe as it could get with the Federation around, that is - the exhaustion had become overbearing and started catching up to them.
Kick’s eyelids were heavy, but he focused on the road as much as humanly possible. The faint sound of rain kept him awake for now, but he wasn’t sure he would last for much longer at this rate. Hesh wasn’t any better - even though Kick could tell he was awake, he also noticed the way he fought the urge to fall asleep for the ride. Occasionally, he would stop fiddling with his sleeves and close his eyes for a few minutes, but they would widen again soon, and his breathing would get slightly louder.
-”Two more hours”, Kick remarked after seeing a street sign he recognised from the many times he had driven past it. “You better sleep a little before we arrive. Who knows when we will have to get up tomorrow”
-”The Federation doesn’t sleep”, Hesh replied, his voice hoarse. “And neither do Ghosts.. If we get attacked, you won’t be able to defend yourself on your own”
Kick raised an eyebrow and glanced over to him for a split second. “I can guarantee you, we are safe here.”
-”How do you know? They could jump out of some bushes or trees or even from the sky at any moment. We won’t see it coming”
-”Hesh, please-”, Kick sighed. “I am serious. You will need the sleep”
Hesh rubbed his eyes with a frustrated huff as he leaned back in his seat. There must be a red mark on his cheek from how long he was leaning against the window, but Kick wouldn’t be able to see it from his position.
-”I am trying”, Hesh grumbled. “But I just.. I can’t sleep for some reason”
-”Bad dreams?”, Kick guessed. “That’s normal, but it usually goes away after some time”
-”That too, but..”
Hesh continued rubbed his eyes with the back of his palm. Thankfully he had removed his facepaint earlier, or else the grime and dirt would all go directly in his eyes. His mouth opened and closed, but he seemed unsure of what to say exactly.
-”I just-”
-”Is it because.. you know?”
Kick didn’t want to push him, he really didn’t. Everyone had learned not to mention Elias or Logan in his presence, because Hesh would usually just go silent or give short, meaningless responses so he wouldn’t have to think too much about it. Everyone knew he held out hopes to find his brother and avenge him one day, and no one wanted to be the guy to crush his dreams, but secretly everyone was thinking the same. Kick wanted to be careful with it, only hint at the topic as to not hurt him or make him angry. He was ready to accept getting shrugged off.
What he did not expect was Hesh starting to sob out of nowhere.
It was subtle at first. Sounded like he had a stuffy nose, maybe. But as he continued to take heavy breaths and rub his eyes, Kick threw a glance at him, only to see thick tears threatening to spill at any second.
-"Holy- Shit, I am so sorry-"
-"It's okay, it's okay..!", Hesh repeated like a broken record, instinctively hiding his face behind an arm. "Everything is fine, I am fine"
His voice was a broken, raspy stutter. Kick slowed down the vehicle, even though no other cars were visible.
-"I-I shouldn't have brought it up, I am so sorry", Kick continued to apologise, but it only made Hesh let out a louder sob he clearly tried to muffle with his sleeve.
Ultimately, Kick found a safe place to pull up and stopped the SUV. He removed his seatbelt and turned to his colleague.
-"Do you, ehm, want to.. talk about it?", he offered, unsure of what to do. He wasn't good with emotions at all, but he couldn't possibly make it worse, right?
-"Dammit, I'm fine, okay?!", Hesh tried to sound angry, but it was drowned out by his own cries.
Kick awkwardly watched him for a few moments before hesitantly moving a hand to his thigh. Hesh seemed to flinch at first, but didn't fight it when the other Ghost started stroking and squeezing in the most comforting manner he could. Softly, he started humming under his breath as Hesh rubbed his face more aggressively, but his sobs became more quiet.
-"There you go.. Are you feeling any better?"
Hesh didn't reply, but didn't fight it either when Kick carefully moved his arm up to pull him into a hug. Instead he resorted to hiding his flushed face, which must be visible even in the darkness, in the crook of Kick’s neck. He barely noticed the way his own hands moved against his will to reciprocate the hug.
-"It's going to be okay", Kick whispered. "Your parents, your brother.. they're all so, so proud of you"
Kick was terrible at comforting others. His own upbringing was less than ideal, which caused him too to hide his feelings behind a facade so he would seem unaffected. But Kick was older, more experienced. It was hard to blame Hesh for reacting like that when Kick too could be brought over the edge easily, if the right buttons were pushed.
But Hesh didn't seem to care.
-"I let him get dragged away, dammit.. it's my fault", Hesh sobbed quietly, his grip on Kick getting stronger. "I let that bastard take my baby brother from me.. I didn't protect him"
-"You did what you could", Kick hummed softly. "Logan is strong, and smart. He will-" Kick stopped himself abruptly. He won't find his way out, he thought. He most likely isn't even alive anymore. But he was not going to say that. He couldn't. But he couldn't lie either.
-"He will also do what he can", he said instead.
Hesh went quiet as Kick traced patterns into his back, humming a melody he remembered from his childhood. Hesh felt weak, so fucking weak. He didn’t want to give Rorke the satisfaction of his tears, didn’t want him to know how much he was suffering. How he had ruined his life, taken everything from him. His father, and now his brother. He should have taken Riley too, just as one last "Fuck you".
-"I see him", Hesh whispered. "When I am alone, in my dreams.. I see his eyes"
Kick stopped for a brief second, but immediately continued stroking his back and humming before Hesh noticed.
-"I see him.. reaching out to me. I see the fear in his face. I see him and Rorke, what he does to him" His voice cracked, but Hesh was not done. "And he is.. looking at me. Watching my every move. And he just.. He looks so, so scared and alone and disappointed and I-"
-"Shh, it's okay..", Kick whispered as Hesh further hid his face.
-"He asks me why I didn't come to save him.. and every time, I promise that I will come for him, but I-I.. I never do..! And I know I should-"
-"He thinks about you", Kick interrupted him before Hesh's pride was completely gone - he would undoubtedly ask him to forget the whole thing and pretend it never happened soon after, so maybe it was better to spare him the embarrassment. "He still believes in you. And we will.. we will do everything we can, okay?"
He took Hesh's silence as an agreement. Smiling, he pulled the man closer, making their position more comfortable as he held him. Hesh was still shaking, but quiet aside from his shaky breaths. Kick was determined to stay like that for as long as he needed. It was almost a little sad to think that soon, they would need to return to their duties. The first time he got to see who David really was would be reduced to nothing but a faint memory in the back of his mind. Kick didn’t like that. He wished he could see more of his real self, who he really was. But that was wishful thinking. Tomorrow was not guaranteed, so who knew if he would ever truly get to know him?
-"Are you feeling any better?"
Hesh didn't reply. Only when Kick heard quiet snoring, he looked out of the window. The rain had stopped long ago, but he didn't notice until now. They needed to go, but Kick didn't have the heart to let go, lest he woke Hesh up.
So he stayed like this, with a grown man in his arms, whose face was snuggled into a wet spot of his own tears. Exhaustion slowly took over, even though Kick tried to fight it. Soon, he too closed his eyes, pressing Hesh further into his chest.