Work Text:
s.
They were laying down on the floor in Kaneki’s apartment. Hide’s air conditioner had broken down and Kaneki, being used to the blonde’s antics and the loving best friend he was, had popsicles in his fridge. Popsicles! And he had given the purple ones away to the local ice cream truck because ew- who actually enjoyed grape flavored popsicles?
“So where should we go next time?” Hide licked the sticky yellow liquid running down his wrist. “The theme park? Beach?”
Kaneki shrugged and flipped the page, glancing up briefly and Hide’s face before returning to his book. “I don’t know. But please get a separate room next time. It isn’t nice to hear all that.”
Hide clamped his jaw shut, accidentally biting straight though his popsicle, and nearly cried from the sensation. And from Kaneki’s statement. “Bro! You heard us?”
“I was sleeping in the bed across from yours. What else did you expect.”
Hide groaned and covered his face, somehow not smearing his cheek with the peach flavored treat. It did nothing to hide his blush. The back of his neck and ears were completely red.
It took about 10 pages of Kaneki’s book for the blonde’s embarrassment to die down and 5 more for him to even look in his direction. Kaneki hid a smile and chuckled. Classic Hide.
The blonde scarfed down the rest of his mostly melted popsicle and went to the kitchen to wash his hands. When he returned, he plopped down behind Kaneki and rested his chin on his shoulder. Hide watched him flipped the pages.
“Do you,” The blonde began. “Do you ever feel left out when you go with me and Tsukiyama?”
Wow. Kaneki nearly dropped his book and looked at him. Talk about unexpected. “Huh?”
“I mean. Is it awkward when you go out with Tsukiyama and me? Do you feel excluded and stuff? Do you not like coming?”
Kaneki felt a sinking feeling in his gut. This wasn’t something he wanted to answer. Something he never wanted to answer. He was resigned to his life as a third wheel after all.
Hide didn’t stop staring and Kaneki gulped.
“No, I don’t feel left out.” He rubbed his chin and laughed, internally cringing at how awkward it sounded. “Why should it?”
Hide didn’t respond at first, only wrapping his arms around him to give a hug. “Okay man. Just checking.”
“Okay Hide.”
u.
Hide was a natural at bringing up things and doing things at the wrong moment, starting from talking about his favorite chocolate when the kid next to him suffered severe diarrhea the previous day to stuffing 5 hot dogs in his mouth during Kaneki’s Great Bisexual Crisis, and then receiving a blow job in his best friend’s kitchen while said best friend was knocked out only for Kaneki to actually be awake during the entire thing but too scared and to say anything.
This time, he would ruin the hazy afterglow of some rather enjoyable sweaty sex. His stomach growled and he pulled out a bag of half eaten cheetos he had hidden in the bedside drawer. Tsukiyama looked mournfully at his once pristine bed covers, now laced with body fluids and cheeto crumbs.
Hide sat cross legged, the bag of cheetos resting between his thighs and acting as some sort of censorship. “So like, I had a talk with Kaneki yesterday."
“Oh?”
“And he feels sorta left out, which sucks.”
He didn't continue his sentence, choosing to cram a handful of cheetos in his mouth instead.
Tsukiyama picked at a stain, trying to rub it out. "So you want to somehow include Kaneki-kun?"
"Yeah"
"How?"
Hide shrugs.
b.
They did find a way to include to Kaneki. At 4 in the morning over the phone as Hide cried while he finished his essay only mere hours before it was due.
“I hate writing essays so damn much.” Hide chugged the monstrous concoction of coffee, mountain dew, and red bull mixed together. “Hate them so much.”
The blonde broke into a sob. His fingers flew across the keyboard, typing out whatever form of thought that somewhat related at the topic at hand. Tsukiyama disguised his snicker as a cough.
There was a comfortable silence after that. Tsukiyama chewed thoughtfully on a bone he had taken from a particularly buff body builder, lost in thought.
After 20 minutes, Hide took a break to refill his concoction from hell and to nab a bag of chips. “This thing has a higher chance of killing be than you skewering me with your drill.”
“Does that mean you’ll let me try it then?”
“No.”
“Then…” An idea forms Tsukiyama’s head, one that could either be very bad or very good. “Would you let Kaneki-kun?”
Hide chokes on his drink and barely manages to avoid spitting all over computer, choosing to sacrifice his boxers instead. “I- what?”
“Kaneki-kun’s kagune is a rinkaku. 4 tentacles to be exact. And I’m sure you’ve seen enough anime to know where that leads to.”
Rude. He looked at his figurines and shook his head. “But why Kaneki of all people?”
“You want to include him somehow, don’t you? ”
Silence, the only noise being fingers typing across a keyboard and someone gnawing on a bone. Then Hide speaks. “I thought I was the one who made the bad decisions here.”
“That position has been usurped the very moment we met.”
l.
They three of them are in the cafe near Kaneki’s favorite bookstore, seated near the corner where the chances of being overheard are low. Tsukiyama and Hide are next to each other, leaving Kaneki to sit on the other side by himself.
He eyes them, not missing the way his best friend leans over to whisper something into Tsukiyama’s ear or how Tsukiyama runs his hand up Hide’s thigh. Kaneki gnaws on the lid of his coffee. “So why did you call me?”
That breaks the spell. Tsukiyama’s hands retreat to his lap and Hide leans forward, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “To invite you to join us.”
“I always join you guys.”
“I mean, join join. As in, become on of us.”
Kaneki closes his eyes and counts to ten, breathing in and out deeply, before opening them. “Why.”
It's not a question. Its acceptance that he will undoubtedly be roped in his best friend’s shenanigans.
Hide laughs and scratches his cheek. “Well, why not? I mean, we want to include you and and you’re my best friend and-”
“Your kagune happens to be 4 tentacles.” Tsukiyama interrupts, his face straight from practicing in the mirror since the day they had planned to tell Kaneki. “Which we need.”
“Why would you- oh.” Realization. “Oh.”
The silence is deafening. Kaneki tries not to look as judgemental as he feels. “I’ll… need some time to think about this.”
“Take your time.”
i.
The first thing Kaneki does when he gets home is scream into his pillow. The second thing he does is call someone who would most definitely be able to assist with his dilemma. “Nishiki-senpai, what do you know about kagune sex?”
The line goes dead. Kaneki sighs and looks at his computer.
m.
He learns, after watching his 6th video, that kagune sex was great in theory but awful in practice. Because oh my god- did the thing just come out of her mouth? Oh sweet jesus this was fucked up and ew ew ew what the actual fuck.
Kaneki looks at the bible sitting on his shelf and collecting dust. It had originally been given to him as a joke, but now….
He calls the blonde.
e.
“Which one of you idiots thought that kagune sex would be a good idea? Kagunes are used to kill other ghouls. Why the fuck would you want to put it up your ass?”
Hide laughs and scratches his cheek, ignoring Tsukiyama’s affronted face. Why did ghouls have to have good hearing. “Well, it wasn’t my plan you know. It was-”
“Tsukiyama’s. Of course he’d have that kind of kink.”
The ghoul snorts. “Rude.”
Hide ignores him. “So…”
“Let's go do something else instead. An amusement park, movies, or beach.” Kaneki grimaces. “Just no threesome. Or kagune sex.”
Hide grins and lets out a whoop, falling back with his arms outstretched. He land on Tsukiyama and smacks his face with his forearm, making the ghoul drop his book and lose what page he was.
“Mon cherie, what the fuck was that for?”
“Kaneki’s going to join us!” Hide makes himself more comfortable. “The third wheeling is officially over!”
“Yay.” Tsukiyama pushes him off and bend down to retrieve his book. He flips through the pages. “Kaneki-kun will be with us.”
“Wow, you sounds so unenthusiastic. So salty. Is it because there’s not going to be any-”
“Fermez la blaise, Hide. Fermez la blaise.”
Hide laughs.