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It had started off just like any normal summer day. It was hot and humid, and the sun was oppressive overhead. Riku was content to stay locked up in his room after nearly a week straight on the island with Sora, Kairi and the others. His phone pings, and Riku picks it up off his desk with a sigh. A text from Kairi.
Kairi: Sora is coming to your house
Riku leaps to his feet.
Riku: why??
Kairi: He wants to talk
Riku: what does he want to talk about?
Kairi: Idk its none of my business! :P
Oh, shit.
The truth is, Riku is in love with his best friend. How could anyone not be? Sora has eyes as blue as the ocean that surrounds their town and their island. Sora is sunkissed tan almost everywhere, and Riku would never admit how much time he’d spent thinking about Sora’s tanlines. Sora’s smile and laugh were heart-stopping. Riku could never stay angry or sad when Sora came around to cheer him up.
Riku worries at his lip with his teeth. When he thinks back, Riku isn’t really sure when it happened. He remembers having silly races and competitions with Sora, pretending the prize was Kairi’s attention, when really, it was just seeing Sora all wound up and flustered, whether he won or lost. Riku was relieved they had grown out of sword fighting after a little while, because he’s sure if Sora had thrown the wooden sword to his side, charged Riku and tackled him onto the sand with his arms around Riku’s middle, nowadays his soul might just leave his body entirely.
And the touching, God, the touching. Sora was one of the most tactile people Riku had ever met. He always had something in his hands. A pen, a keychain, his hoodie string, the drawstring of his sweatpants, Riku’s hoodie string. Riku had given him a fidget cube one year, said, “Hey, I saw this and I thought of you,” and blushed for days from the hug that Sora had swept him up into.
Kairi knew, of course. She’d needled it out of Riku after his birthday a couple years back. Riku had snuck out of his crowded bedroom, tip-toeing carefully through his friends strewn sleeping across his floor, just to get a breath of fresh air before he exploded from the proximity of Sora all day long, from Sora draping himself over Riku’s shoulder, smiling full and wide at him, the way that Sora had watched Riku carefully unwrap his gift: a multi-colored bat plushie with stars on the wings and button eyes, which Sora had made himself.
Riku slept with it every night.
It was… tough, lately. Their trio was inseparable, always would be, but there was something about Sora that was almost different. Riku had known the younger boy since early childhood. He watched him grow, watched his mannerisms change and develop and become solid, but lately there was a change starting again.
Sora always wanted to be right next to Riku and Riku wanted to scream. If Sora knew about his feelings, things would surely be different. But it was true. Sora hopped into Riku’s canoe when they paddled out to the island. He clasped his hand into Riku’s more than once while Riku tried not to jump out of his skin, and glared at Kairi smirking at them both. If they stayed overnight at one of their houses, or out on the island, Sora always set up his sleeping bag and blankets right next to Riku’s (which had led to some sleepless nights of Riku just staring at Sora’s face, taking in the way his long eyelashes rested against his cheek, the gentle part of his lips while he breathed, and left the next morning feeling more than guilty for watching Sora like that without his knowledge).
It started to become too much, and Riku needed to step away sometimes. Some days, all he could think about was Sora. But he couldn’t risk their friendship, no matter how strong his feelings were. Riku needed Sora in his life, even if that meant someday watching Sora grow close with someone else. There had been some sleepless nights thinking about that, too.
Riku is startled out of his whirlwind of thoughts by the sound of the doorbell, then the door opening, then the muffled voice of Sora downstairs speaking to Riku’s mother. Riku hears his feet on the stairs now and whips his head side to side desperately, looking for something to make it look like he’s not just standing there and waiting for Sora to open the door.
He does not find anything.
Sora opens the door. Riku is standing, phone in hand, shoulders hunched almost all the way to his ears, staring at Sora.
“Uh… Hey, Riku,” Sora says. Just the sound of Sora’s voice, Riku’s name on Sora’s tongue, is enough to make Riku almost shiver.
“Hi,” Riku says, dumbly. After a moment he becomes aware that he is holding his breath, so he slowly exhales and settles back into his desk chair. Sora doesn’t wait for an invitation, he just closes the door behind him and sits on the corner of Riku’s bed, facing toward the desk chair. The chair isn’t facing towards the bed though, and Sora sticks his foot out and pushes the arm of the chair to rotate it until the two boys are eye-to-eye.
“Do you have to do that with your foot?” Riku asks. He’s tense, and he thinks his voice comes out a little annoyed. Ay. Whatever it is Sora wants to talk about, Riku feels like he’s off to a rough start.
“No, I chose to,” Sora huffs. There’s a contemplative look on Sora’s face. Usually, Riku can read him pretty easily, but he’s coming up uselessly blank now. “You didn’t come out to the island today.” Riku sighs.
“Yeah, we’ve just been out a lot, you know?” he says. Sora nods. “I burn way more and way faster than you and Kairi,” Riku says, and he tries to laugh, but it feels insincere.
“C’mon, man, it’s been years since you got sunburned. Just cause you’re paper white doesn’t mean your skin isn’t at least like, accustomed, right? I mean, you’ve lived in Destiny Islands all your life.” It was Sora’s turn to chuckle, hollow. As Riku keeps studying Sora’s face for just a hint of what to expect, Sora’s eyes drop to his hands in his lap. He’s fidgeting.
“I’m not sure that’s how that works,” Riku says. He scrubs his hand over the back of his neck. There is a beat of silence. “So, uh… what’s up?” Riku figures, whatever this is, he might as well get it over with.
“I’ve just been like, in my head, lately. I, uh, wanted to talk to you about it,” Sora half-smiles, and Riku thinks he just looks perfect, albeit a little tired. “I was gonna talk to you at the island today, but then you didn’t come around.” Riku feels guilt well up in his stomach for blowing Sora off.
“Oh. I’m sorry, man, of course I would have come out if I knew you needed me,” Riku says, cursing himself internally. He’s trying not to show how nervous he feels. He’s trying not to show how he really feels.
Sora isn’t usually someone with problems. He’s the most carefree person Riku had ever met, a direct contrast to himself. Even Kairi got stressed more often than Sora, about school, her other friends, but nothing got Sora down. He was the rock, the warmth, that they all drew on. And Sora was so happy to provide. God, Riku has it bad.
“Riku, have you ever… kissed anyone?”
Oh, fuck, Riku thinks, I’m done for. He laughs again, but this time it’s pure nerves, a little too high. He can no longer look at Sora, so he answers, looking out across his bedroom instead.
“Uh, no,” Riku says with a shrug. “Not seriously. I mean, I don’t even know if there’s been any like, pecks or anything.” Sora doesn’t say anything. Riku is frozen. Terrified.
“Would you kiss me?” Sora asks. Riku can’t help it. He whips his head back around so hard the chair spins, and his hand shoots out to steady it against the edge of the desk. He just moves. He doesn’t think.
Sora is looking up now, through his eyelashes, sea-blue eyes fixed on Riku’s and Riku can feel the heat in his cheeks, and thinks he sees a little in Sora’s cheeks, too.
“Sora, you don’t really want me to kiss you,” Riku manages, and it’s a miracle he can even speak. His mouth is completely dry. His tongue feels six sizes bigger in his mouth.
There’s never been a moment where he wished more that he could read Sora’s mind. Though, now, Sora is sporting a clear frown.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sora asks.
“Have you ever kissed anyone?” Riku asks, and immediately regrets it when he realizes he doesn’t really want to know.
“Riku, we hang out every day. If I’d kissed someone, you would have seen it,” Sora says, and immediately Riku blanches. Imagining Sora kissing a girl in front of him. Even worse, imagining Sora kissing another boy in front of him. Riku honestly isn’t sure his heart could handle that. Suddenly, Riku is aware that he doesn’t really know if Sora likes men, he had never let himself consider that before. Never dared to wonder what if.
“Isn’t a first kiss supposed to be like, special or something?” Riku says. He’s grasping at straws, and he doesn’t know why, but it seems like it’s just making Sora mad. Which doesn’t happen often.
“Kissing me wouldn’t be special?” Sora says.
“That’s not what I meant,” Riku says.
“Then say what you mean!” Sora shouts, so full of energy now that he has to stand off the bed, trapping Riku in the chair. Riku’s heart is jackhammering in his chest in a way he’s never felt before in his life.
“Sora,” Riku starts, and he has to stand, too, even if he’s a little dizzy, because he thinks that all of it is about to come out. “You’re important to me, you’re my best friend. I care about you,” Sora’s breath hitches, and Riku feels like maybe he might throw up, but he presses on. “I don’t want that to go away if we kiss, or whatever, and you don’t like it, and it’s awkward, and it’s something we can’t take back!” They’re locked in a stare, both frowning, and Riku wants to reach for him, wants to open his arms to Sora like he has so many times before, but he can’t.
Unfortunately for him, though, Sora doesn’t have the same hangup. He takes a step towards Riku, closing the space between them, and he balls one of his fists into the front of Riku’s shirt.
“You didn’t say you didn’t want to, though,” Sora mutters, and all of Riku’s blood runs cold. What is this? He thinks.
“What if I want it?” Sora asks. Riku can’t speak. Does he know? Does Sora know about his feelings? If he does, he hasn’t said anything, and Riku isn’t sure he knows and doesn’t want him to know and he feels like this is all going south very quickly. Riku swallows hard.
Sora presses forward just so, angling his face up towards Riku. If Sora kisses him, it’s over.
“W-We can’t,” Riku tries, but Sora still has his fist wrapped up tight in Riku’s shirt and won’t let him pull away.
“Why not?” Sora is frowning, his eyebrows are drawn in just slightly and Riku hates it, hates being the one that makes Sora frown.
“We… Kairi,” Riku says. It was the first thing he could think of. Useless.
“Kairi already knows,” Sora says through the frown. He’s not even looking at Riku anymore. His fist is loosening and he backs away slightly. Somehow Riku hates that even more than Sora keeping him pinned in place.
“…What?”
“Kairi knows,” Sora repeats. “I told her last year. December.” Sora has let his hand drop away now. Riku’s fingers twitch with the need to reach for him, but he can’t will his body to move at all.
“Last year?” Riku asks, confused and feeling less than useless in helping Sora to feel better, which is what he came here for in the first place. Sora throws his hands up in exasperation and Riku almost flinches at that, almost.
“Yes, I told her last year that I have feelings for you, and she told me that I should go for it and I’ve been trying Riku, I have, but we already spend every minute together and it just seems like every time I try to get close to you, you pull away even more and I’ve been too scared to lose you, but I can’t, I can’t anymore–”
“Wait, Sora, slow down,” Riku says, and the shock from Sora’s waterfall of words is fading very slowly like a ringing in Riku’s ears. He’s always been like a waterfall, he thinks. “Feelings? For me?” Sora crosses his arms over his chest. He’s turned away from Riku, and when Riku tries to step closer, Sora hunches into his chest, hiding.
“Yes!” Sora barks. Uh oh. Sora’s shoulders hitch and it suddenly becomes very clear to Riku that Sora has turned away because he’s going to start crying.
“Shit,” Riku whispers aloud, and he carefully brings his arm behind Sora’s back, and manages to gently corral the smaller boy into his arms, against his chest, though Sora still won’t look at him. “Sora…” Riku whispers, but doesn’t have anything to say after that. He gently rubs his hand over Sora’s back. Sora’s shoulders are shaking, and Riku can feel tears against the front of his shirt, and every hiccup is like a knife into his heart. Riku tries not to relish in holding his best friend like this, but the parts inside him that have loved Sora for so long win him over.
Sora has feelings for me, Riku thinks. His head has been spinning all night, but this is… something else. Something hot and consuming and unreal.
Sora has feelings for me!!
It dawns on Riku that he should probably say something.
“Sora,” he tries again. “I… told Kairi too.”
Sora is sniffling a little, but his body is shaking less. Riku can feel some shaky breaths before Sora mumbles against Riku’s shirt, and Riku thinks he hears, “Told Kairi what?”
Riku’s hand slides up Sora’s back, and he’s aware that it’s trembling when he brushes his fingers over the skin at the back of Sora’s neck, ghosting over the soft hair there. “I told her that I have feelings for you, too,” Riku whispers. Years of secrets slide out much easier than he expected.
Sora pulls away. Riku keeps his arms around him, Sora’s arms are still crossed, and his face is a little red, and his eyes are still wet but he glares right through Riku.
“Wait– Kairi knew? About that? When? For how long?” Sora pouts.
Riku chuckles, and he pretends to think about it, scratching idly at his temple. “Uh, maybe like, um, three– three years? Or so?”
“THREE YEARS?” Sora shouts. Riku does flinch, that time. Sora rips his phone out of his pocket. “I’m going to kill her! Three years!!”
“Hey, hey, Sora, don’t do that!” Riku can’t help but laugh a little. Even in a moment like this, Sora can hardly be contained. Riku stills Sora by gently placing his hands over Sora’s, and Sora surrenders his phone with a huff, pouting and puffing his cheeks a little. Riku always hated when Sora pouted because he was just too damn cute, but it didn’t seem so terrible, now. “Don’t do that,” Riku says again, softer, and pulls Sora down with him so they’re both sitting on the edge of Riku’s bed, facing one another. Riku is looking down to where he’s still gently holding Sora’s wrists. He slides his thumb over the soft skin on his best friends’ arm, and listens to Sora sigh in return. His heart flutters.
“Don’t be upset with Kairi,” Riku murmurs, “I made her promise she wouldn’t tell you.” Sora hasn’t said anything yet, and when Riku looks up, Sora is calmer, and he’s just watching Riku with this odd perceptiveness. Riku feels laid bare, like Sora could see right through him. Searching. Wondering. Riku gulps. “She was just respecting my wish.”
“Riku…” Sora says, low and soft. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
Riku laughs. “Well, before you shouted it at me just now, I guess… I never thought you could feel the same way about me.” The shock from Sora’s confession still hasn’t quite worn off. Riku’s ecstatic, he is, but now he just has no idea how to proceed.
“You just assumed that? You never asked?” Sora mumbles, as he turns his hands over so their palms slide together. Riku sighs.
“I know, it seems short sighted now,” he says, and both of them laugh into the space between them. Sora scooches closer on the bed until they’re shoulder-to-shoulder, and leans his head into Riku’s shoulder.
“I thought I was being obvious, sometimes,” Sora says, and he chuckles. “I mean, I figured you were dense when you didn’t say anything about it, but this is something else!”
Riku lets go of Sora’s hands to rub his knuckles lightly on the crown of Sora’s head. “Hey! Don’t blame that on me, you’re just friendly to everyone!” Sora swats at Riku’s hand and pulls away.
“Friendly?” Sora says, “I was desperate to sit in your lap, like, for three whole months!”
“Sora, you never stop touching anyone! How was I supposed to tell?!” Riku reaches for Sora’s waist, and Sora can’t help a bubbly laugh while he tries to block Riku with his elbows.
“I can’t help it if I like hugging my friends, Riku!” They both collapse backwards on the bed and Riku’s hand finds its way across Sora’s belly, gently rubbing his fingers along Sora’s waist. Sora sighs into the space between their mouths. Riku is looking down at his fingers at first, and moves his eyes up across Sora’s chest, finally to his face, where he finds Sora’s sea-blue eyes staring straight into his.
“Riku?” Sora breathes.
“Yeah?” Riku barely whispers back. He’s afraid that if he moves too suddenly, speaks too loudly, maybe he’ll wake up and find it was a dream after all.
“D’ya think…” Sora says, and scoots closer to Riku, “maybe you might reconsider, then?”
“I think maybe I better,” Riku whispers, and even though he’s shaking, he decides to take charge for once.
He brings his hand up to cup Sora’s cheek. His skin is warm, still a little flushed, but when his eyes flutter closed, Riku is sure Sora must feel the punch of Riku’s heart against his own. Softly, Riku brings their lips together.
It’s everything and nothing like Riku imagined it would be. Sora’s lips are soft, and he tastes like sea salt. Sora sighs into it and Riku has to work very, very hard on keeping his composure. He feels Sora’s arm creep around his waist, pulling them closer together as their lips move.
It feels like a moment, just a breath. It feels like forever. It feels to Riku like the world has fallen from under him and he doesn’t know up from down, but he does know one thing - Sora has feelings for him. So he snakes his own arm underneath Sora on the bed, his hand moves from Sora’s cheek up to the back of his head to brush through Sora’s hair, and Riku holds him as tight as he dares. Then, it’s Riku’s turn to sigh when Sora brings his hands up to catch Riku’s cheeks, and keep him from pulling away.
Riku isn’t sure how long they stay like that together, kissing, breathing each other in. On his desk, miles and miles away from Riku’s thoughts, his phone buzzes. Riku pulls away just enough to set his forehead against Sora’s. Sora nuzzles into Riku’s neck.
“Was that special enough for you?” Sora mumbles. Riku is still carding his fingers through Sora’s hair.
“That’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and it’s not even close,” Riku whispers back, and both the boys laugh. Sora’s phone vibrates underneath Sora’s leg, and Riku finally releases Sora to wiggle around and dig the phone out. Riku sits up on the edge of the bed, and Sora rolls onto his back.
As he’s looking through the phone, Sora lays his hand out on the bed, palm up, fingers brushing Riku’s thigh. Riku takes his hand without a thought. Sora laces their fingers together, and giggles.
“It’s Kairi,” he says. Riku laughs.
“Yeah? What does Kairi want?”
“She wants to know how it went,” Sora says.
“How what went?” Riku asks. He remembers his phone had buzzed, too. Without letting go of Sora’s hand (he may never let go of Sora’s hand again) Riku gets his phone from the desk.
“I dunno, I guess this talk, or whatever,” Sora answers. His tongue is sticking out of the corner of his mouth and he is typing a message back, one-handed, with the phone held precariously over his face. Riku chuckles silently to himself at Sora’s expression of focus, then finally tears his eyes away to look at his own phone. His message is from Kairi, too.
Kairi: Soooooo did Sora come over? What did he want?
Riku glares down at the screen. “Okay, yeah, I actually might kill her too,” he grumbles. Sora knocks Riku’s foot with his own.
“Hey, if anything, you have her to thank, Mr. ‘Didn’t Make A Move For Three Years’,” Sora beams over at him, but the phone slips out of his hand and conks Sora on the head before falling to the mattress. “Ow!” Riku laughs.
“I’m going to say you deserved that one.” He pulls lightly on Sora’s hand. “Here, sit up.” Sora allows himself to be led up, pouting and rubbing at the red spot on his forehead. Riku captures Sora’s hand, and leans in to give the spot a light kiss. Sora beams up at him.
God, he smiles brighter than all the stars in the sky.
“So, what’d you tell her?” Riku asks.
“I told her we weren’t done yet,” Sora says, and he purses his lips. Riku raises his eyebrows.
“We aren’t?” Riku asks.
“No,” Sora says, then, “You know, you ask a lot of questions. It makes you sound a little… uh, maybe clueless.”
Riku hisses in pretend offense. “Clueless is a little harsh, don’t you think?”
“I had another question for you.”
“Another question other than ‘have you ever kissed anyone’ and ‘will you kiss me’? Is this next question gonna give me a heart attack too?” Riku asks. He’s not kidding. Both boys were much happier than when their talk started, but Riku’s mind bounced around in his skull like a ping-pong ball now that he’s not lip locked with the boy he’s loved for years.
“I mean, maybe, given your delicate constitution,” Sora says, and he pokes Riku in the chest until Riku swats his hand away. Riku groans.
“Shoot anyway,” he says. Sora hugs him, and Riku wraps his arms around Sora. He notices the coconut smell of Sora’s shampoo. He must have showered after the island.
“Where do you want to go from here?” Sora asks. He’s quiet, soft, speaking almost into Riku’s chest. Riku hums, smoothing his hand over Sora’s back.
“I might like to kiss you more,” Riku says. Sora pinches Riku’s side, but holds him too tight for Riku to squirm away.
“I’d like to kiss you too, dummy,” Sora says, “but I was thinking maybe as your boyfriend, you think?”
Riku clutches his chest. “Oof. No. Yeah that one’s definitely giving me a heart attack,” he laughs. Sora pushes his hand away.
“C’mon Riku, be serious!” Oh, there was the pout again. This might be the best day of Riku’s life.
“Yes. I definitely want to keep kissing you as your boyfriend,” Riku says, and punctuates it with a soft peck to the top of Sora’s head. He was getting used to this very quickly. Sora lets out a long sigh, and as he does, relaxes his full weight into Riku. And for the first time in years, Riku holds his best friend–no, boyfriend–tight against him without fearing what will happen when he lets go.
They stay like that a while longer, hands roaming softly over each other’s backs, Riku running his fingers over Sora’s ribs, focused intently on Sora’s heartbeat against his chest. Then Sora leans up and kisses Riku again, and Riku can’t help that he still feels so surprised by it, but now it just makes him feel warm all over.
“Let’s call Kairi,” Sora says, and wiggles unceremoniously into Riku’s lap.
“Ow! Careful!” Riku says, but he laughs and wraps his arms around Sora’s middle. Sora holds his phone out, and Riku watches in the camera as it rings, smiles at the sight of his lap all full of sunshine.
Kairi answers, and her face fills the screen.
“Hi Kairi!” Sora smiles, and it’s all teeth, and all three of them are laughing as she throws herself onto her own bed. Riku waves at her, half his grin hidden behind Sora.
“It’s about time!” she says, and Riku kisses Sora again at his temple.
Yeah, he thinks. It is about time.