Chapter Text
“I don't think it makes any sense.”
We were lying on the pavement in some unfrequented alley, looking up at the starless sky. The last days of summer before high school seemed to drag on forever. Maybe it was because I truly believed that a whole new life awaited me. Maybe because my plans were finally about to come true.
Maybe it was because I was getting quite fed up with Rosalyne.
I was right — it didn't make sense at all. I mean, it was pretty much our deal — to be together for a while, to pretend to be a perfectly matched couple, but really just to escape loneliness for a while and see what it's like to have someone. We both knew it wasn't love, and it was liberating. For a while.
I was barely sixteen years old, I went on vacation to my family house to take a break from my education for a while. For me, it was heaven on earth — my parents hardly spoke at all and I have all the time on earth to spend with my younger siblings. We weren’t as close as we used to be, but it was still my comfort place. I had to move to Liyue to study, so I didn’t really have time for visiting Snezhnaya. I would never admit it, but I missed the times I was home — I was always kind of protecting my siblings, and I needed someone to take care of. After two years alone, I became antisocial and awkward. But I had to focus on my education.
One day I found a forgotten pack of cigarettes in the attic, put it in my pocket and went out for a walk as usual in the evening. I'd never smoked before, never drank, didn't really do much other than reading books I didn't understand. Stressed as hell, I sat down by the river and prayed that no one would catch me. Just as I was finally able to light a cigarette, someone suddenly grabbed my shoulder. I almost screamed, but then I saw a girl with long, blonde hair, wearing black dress. 'Give me one' she demanded, and wordlessly, I fullfiled her request. She was much older than me so I wanted to appear serious. As soon as I started choking on smoke, it was obvious that this was my first time smoking. I looked at her uncertainly, but she just laughed.
This is how my relationship with Rosa began. Even though I decided not to smoke anymore, we met by the river every day. Two emaciated unfortunates pretending to be main characters. It seems so funny to me now, but at the time I thought I was the king of the world.
Rosalyne loved some guy from Akademiya, but she didn't stand a chance because he was already engaged. She showed me a picture of him, and I almost choked with laughter— he seemed terribly smart and dull, with short sandy hair and god-awful bangs. I didn't love her either — for as long as I can remember, all I could think about was a mysterious blonde exchange student, who visited from Mondstadt last year. Lumine. We went to class together and even exchanged a few words, but I wasn't sure if she was even aware of my existence (I felt hers as a magnetic force pulling me to her with overwhelming strength). It wasn't until this year that it would change — at least that's what I was hoping for.
Rosa didn't even look at me.
“You just noticed it” she sneered. That was just how she was, intentionally mean to everyone. It annoyed me so much that I just wanted our conversation to be over with. “To be honest, I've been waiting for you to say that.”
What a relief. Even though I've known her for a while, you never know when she's going to freak out—so I was a little worried she wouldn't want to let me go.
I wasn't sure if I should start explaining now that she didn't do anything wrong, that she was actually a great friend to me and those were the best months of my life. But before I could come up with a stupid excuse, Rosalyne grabbed my hand and smiled.
“Thanks. For everything. If you're ever in the area, give me a call.”
“I promise.”
I’ve said it purely as a courtesy, because I had no plans to visit Snezhnaya ever again. But it would be nice to meet her again sometime. Rosa gave a slightly forced laugh, but then suddenly turned serious.
“Good luck.”
I squeezed her hand, feeling a prick in my chest. Not because of guilt — I've always been honest about my intentions. Just the note of resignation that was clearly heard in her voice reminded me of how impossibly distant my goal is.
Well, mine was distant, but at least not impossible. I sighed.
“To you too. You'll need it.”