Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[Heeseung]

Unknown: Dude, next time you steal my underwear, you need to wash it before you return it to me.

Heeseung stares at the text for a solid minute. It’s not for meant him—that’s obvious. But he is curious how underwear guy texted him on accident. It isn’t like anyone enters actual phone numbers any more. Still, he should probably let underwear guy know he got it wrong.

Heeseung: I think you’ve got the wrong number…

The response comes immediately.

Unknown: Shit.

Unknown: New phone. Tried texting my friend from memory while I was waiting for my data to transfer.

Heeseung nods. But it feels weird to just leave underwear guy on read. Though he isn’t sure what else he is supposed to say.

Heeseung: Hopefully, you were able to get ahold of him to uh…deliver your message.

Unknown: He’s my roommate. Message definitely delivered.

Heeseung should end the conversation. The guy texted the wrong number. It happens. But for some reason, Heeseung can’t bring himself to stop responding. Sunoo will probably have a field day with this, he thinks.

Heeseung: Well, your situation makes me very happy I live alone.

Underwear Guy: You mean you don’t like the idea of putting on a pair of boxers with your roommate’s dried cum in them?

Heeseung wrinkles his nose. He supposes that is an obvious interpretation of underwear guy’s first message, but Heeseung wasn’t going to ask the guy what had made him realize the pair was dirty.

Underwear Guy: Shit. I didn’t put that in my first text.

Underwear Guy: I am sorry for traumatizing you…again.

Heeseung: It’s fine. I think. But, sounds like you’ve had a rough morning.

Underwear Guy: It wasn’t my best. But uh, thanks for being cool about the wrong number.

Heeseung: No problem. Hope your day gets better.

Heeseung can recognize the end of the conversation when he sees it. He can’t explain why it makes him a little sad, but perhaps Sunoo is right—he does need to socialize more. Heeseung shakes his head, looking at the time on his phone. If he wants to make it to his afternoon lecture, he needs to start getting ready.

“How do you know he’s not a predator?” Sunoo asks seriously. “What if this was all an elaborate ruse to get you to meet him and then he kidnaps you?”

Heeseung shakes his head. “You watch too many horror movies.”

“You’re a senior in college. How can you seriously consider continuing to text a random dude who told you about finding cum in his underwear?” Sunoo narrows his eyes. “Did you learn nothing about internet safety?”

“Technically, it’s not the internet.” Heeseung shrugs. Sunoo rolls his eyes.

“Still. Why can’t you just go to a party and meet people there like the rest of us?” Sunoo asks.

“Who said anything about meeting him?” Heeseung asks. “All I said was that he was kind of fun to talk to and I am a bit sad there wasn’t a way to continue the conversation.”

“Is this related to Beomgyu? Are you finally processing the fact that you haven’t dated anyone in over a year?” Sunoo asks.

“Is it so wrong to want more friends?” Heeseung counters.

“For me? No.” Sunoo says. “For you? Absolutely.” Sunoo gestures to the cafeteria around them. “This is your fourth year here and you still only have 3 friends—one of which is your ex.”

“I have four friends actually.” Heeseung corrects.

“The freshman that you game with every night doesn’t count. You don’t even know each other’s real names.” Sunoo waives his hand dismissively. “Still, four friends is not a lot.”

“I don’t like socializing.” Heeseung shrugs.

“I know. And you will need to unpack that in therapy.” Sunoo says. “But it’s why I am so surprised you want to keep texting the creepy pedophile.”

“You don’t know he’s a pedophile.” Heeseung sighs. “He said he has a roommate. He’s probably in college.” Heeseung pauses. Maybe, Sunoo is onto something. Heeseung digs out his phone.

Heeseung: Any chance you are a predator trying to prey on college students?

Underwear Guy: Is there a right way to answer that? Cause if I was, wouldn’t I just lie?

Heeseung: Fair point.

Underwear Guy: Were you thinking about that all morning?

Heeseung: …no

Underwear Guy: [Img98304.]

Heeseung looks at the image. It’s a picture of a physics lecture. It actually looks a lot like the science building classrooms at their university.

Heeseung: In theory, you could be a predator just sitting in on a physics lecture.

Underwear Guy: Ah, good point. Hmmm…

“Are you texting him right now?” Sunoo’s voice startles him.

“…No?” Heeseung lies. Sunoo narrows his gaze, swiping Heeseung’s phone before Heeseung can even process what happened.

“Seriously?” Sunoo says. “You asked him?”

“You wanted to know.” Heeseung crosses his arms. “So, I thought it’s better to confront the source.”

“I give up.” Sunoo says. “Text him all you want. But will you please keep me on speaker phone if you ever decide to meet up with this dude.”

“Deal.” Heeseung nods. “I very much doubt I will ever do that.”

Underwear Guy: My roommate’s boyfriend could barely look at me during dinner today.

Underwear Guy: I guess my roommate must have told him about the underwear incident.

Heeseung: Why would his boyfriend be embarrassed?

Underwear Guy: I decided I don’t want to know the answer to that question.

Heeseung: That’s smart. Some things are better off a mystery.

Underwear Guy: Speaking of mysteries…Is it weird if I ask you for your name?

Underwear Guy: I have you saved in my phone as wrong number right now lol.

Underwear Guy: But no pressure!

Heeseung stares at the phone, weighing the risks. Heeseung isn’t an uncommon name, so even if this guy did try to find him, he likely wouldn’t be able to narrow it down. Still, Sunoo would probably advise him against using his real name. Then again, Sunoo has advised him against continuing the conversation with underwear guy at all.

Heeseung: My name is Heeseung lol. What about you? I’ve got you saved as Underwear Guy

Underwear Guy: Oh lord…

Underwear Guy: My name is Jaeyun

Heeseung frowns. Jaeyun is a very common name, so there’s not much hope of him being able to find underwear guy on campus. But, that’s probably for the best, he thinks.

Heeseung: So Jaeyun, I’m guessing you’re a science major?

Jaeyun: What gave it away?

Heeseung: The idea that you would willingly take a Friday afternoon physics class.

Jaeyun: Guilty. My goal is actually to be a professor though.

Heeseung: Oh god, you’re going to be in school forever.

Jaeyun: I know haha.

Heeseung: I am absolutely done after this year.

Jaeyun: Ooo that’s exciting. You’re not a science major I take it?

Heeseung: Nope. I’m a music major with a focus in production.

Jaeyun: Wow. You really would be screwed if I was a predator.

Jaeyun: To recap: 1. You’ve told me you live alone. 2. You’ve given me your grade and name. 3. You have a super niche major that likely doesn’t have very many senior Heeseungs.

Heeseung groans. Sunoo probably had a point. Seriously, he may as well just give Jaeyun a road map to find him. Meanwhile all he knows about Jaeyun is that he is some type of science major.

Heeseung: Good thing you’re not one, right?

Jaeyun: …I am actually a vampire.

Heeseung: That must suck. :P

Jaeyun: Wow. Just wow.

Heeseung: But uh, I didn’t intentionally give so much away about myself.

Jaeyun: I figured as much. Don’t worry about it.

Heeseung: As much as I would love to stay and chat and probably reveal my bank account number, I have to log onto this game I play with a friend soon.

Jaeyun: A gamer? Interesting!

Heeseung: You play?

Jaeyun: Nah, not too much. I’m more into outdoor stuff.

Heeseung: A jock and a science nerd. Quite a contradiction.

Jaeyun: Don’t forget the vampire part.

Heeseung: Of course not. Well, I hope you have a good rest of your night, Jaeyun!

Jaeyun: You too! :)

On Saturday morning, Heeseung wakes up at noon. He and his friend, Soccerkid1208, stayed up until 4 AM playing video games. Heeseung isn’t sure why he and Soccerkid haven’t told each other their names by this point. They’ve been playing games together for months. But Soccerkid calls him Bambi like his username.

Heeseung’s apartment is a disaster. He had moved into a studio apartment off campus this year, but he struggles to keep it clean. Heeseung doesn’t care too much, but he knows Sunoo has to physically fight the urge to start washing dishes as soon as he comes over.

Heeseung rolls over onto his stomach and reaches for his phone on the nightstand next to him. There’s four notifications: one from Sunoo, one from Beomgyu, one from Yunjin, and one from Jaeyun. He opens the ones from his friends first.

Sunoo: Don’t forget that you promised you would go to the frat party with me tonight!

Yunjin: I need you to tell me which outfit you like better.

Beomgyu: I could really use a coffee. You up?

Heeseung sighs. He wants to read Jaeyun’s message, but he knows he will get distracted and he won’t remember to respond to his friends. He starts with Sunoo.

Heeseung: I haven’t forgotten. You literally will not let me forget it.

Sunoo: Great. I’ll swing by your place to pre-game around 8 tonight.

Sunoo: And I will change your outfit if I think you look bad.

Heeseung: Can’t wait.

Sunoo: Don’t do your makeup. You can’t do eyeliner well.

Heeseung: 1. I should be offended. 2. Why do I need to wear eyeliner tonight?

Sunoo: The whole point of this is to make the guy I’m seeing jealous. I need you to look like someone I would actually date.

Heeseung: Um ouch?

Sunoo: Oh, stop. You know you’re handsome.

Sunoo: I just have a type. And I need to make sure you kind of match it tonight.

Sunoo: You promised that you would help.

Heeseung: Fine. Bring your makeup bag. You can do whatever you want.

Sunoo: Thanks, Hee.

Heeseung shakes his head. He hates fraternity parties. But Sunoo loves them. And Sunoo’s current target is in a fraternity. Heeseung hasn’t gone to a fraternity party in years, but somehow, Sunoo has managed to convince him. Sunoo’s manipulation tactics should be studied.

Heeseung: I mean I definitely can help you, but am I really the right person to ask fashion advice from?

Yunjin: You dress like a lesbian. You are the perfect person to ask for me to impress this girl on our first date.

Heeseung: What does that even mean?

Yunjin: Your typical outfit consists of a beanie, a sleeveless tank, and cuffed jeans.

Heeseung: I just woke up and you are the second person to comment on my personal sense of style.

Heeseung: But also, I like the second outfit better. The chains are nice.

Yunjin: Spoken like a true lesbian.

Heeseung rolls his eyes. His friends suck. He stares at Beomgyu’s message. Typically, he wouldn’t hesitate to say yes. He loves hanging out with Beomgyu. But, Sunoo had made a good point yesterday. He and Beomgyu’s friendship is a bit complicated. Right now, Beomgyu is dating someone new, so he and Beomgyu are strictly friends. But ever since last year when he and Beomgyu broke up, the two of them would end up falling into bed together if they were single and drunk. The last time they slept together was a little over two months ago. It was about a week before Beomgyu started dating their partner.

Heeseung: I could use coffee. Where are you thinking of going?

Beomgyu: How about the shop a few blocks down from you. I am at Soobin’s now, so I can just walk there whenever you’re ready to meet.

Heeseung: Sounds good. Does he want to join you?

Beomgyu: Nah, he’s working on a paper.

Heeseung: Sounds good. How about we meet in an hour?

Beomgyu: Perfect.

Heeseung sighs. He is happy for Beomgyu. And he is happy that the two of them have been able to keep their friendship. But still, maybe Heeseung does need to reevaluate why he hasn’t tried dating anyone in the last year. He shakes his head and then immediately smiles because he remembers he still has a text from Jaeyun.

Jaeyun: My noise cancelling headphones broke.

Heeseung: That can’t be good when you have a roommate.

Jaeyun: Nope. Especially not when his boyfriend spends the night.

Heeseung: Now it’s your turn to be awkward at dinner, I guess.

Heeseung: Especially since it looks like you’ve been up since 7 AM.

Jaeyun: Lol. I usually get up between 7-8 AM. I like to go for a run in the morning.

Heeseung: Oh god. You’re one of those.

Jaeyun: Afraid so.

Heeseung: I woke up at noon today.

Heeseung: And I still haven’t left my bed.

Jaeyun: Did you at least get eight hours of sleep?

Jaeyun: Sleep is important.

Heeseung: I actually did. Does that mean you go to be at like midnight?

Jaeyun: I am usually passed out by 11 honestly. I get tired and crash.

Heeseung: Fascinating. I can’t remember the last time I went to bed before midnight.

Heeseung: It’s why I usually prefer afternoon classes.

Jaeyun: Ah, I love having morning classes. Guess we are opposites?

Heeseung: I guess so haha. But I am sorry about your roommate.

Heeseung stares at the conversation. For some reason, he finds it really easy to talk to Jaeyun. Still, he needs to start getting ready if he’s going to meet Beomgyu. Heeseung frowns.

Heeseung: I have to go get ready to have coffee with my ex.

Jaeyun: Ouch. That sounds painful. Did you two break up recently?

Heeseung: It’s complicated…They are still one of my best friends, but we’ve been broken up for over a year.

Jaeyun: Ah, that’s really amazing that you two can still hang out together. I don’t know if I would be able to do that.

Heeseung: I think most people think we are stupid.

Jaeyun: Why? Isn’t it better to keep the people you like in your life?

Heeseung: Exactly! Just because things didn’t work out doesn’t mean I want to lose them as a friend.

Jaeyun: I think that’s super fair. I only have two exes and neither are people I want to keep in my life. But if they had been, then I definitely would have wanted to try.

Heeseung: Thanks, Jaeyun.

Jaeyun: No problem! Enjoy your coffee :)

“Okay, so you’re still talking to him?” Beomgyu asks curiously, taking a sip of their coffee.

“I guess? I mean who knows?” Heeseung shrugs. “I like talking to him even if that’s a bit weird because I have no idea who he is.”

Beomgyu nods. “I mean the same is true for people on dating apps. I don’t see how this is any different.”

“Sunoo thinks Jaeyun could be a predator.” Heeseung pouts. “And it’s not like I can actually verify whether he’s wrong.”

“I mean sure. He definitely could.” Beomgyu says. “But so could guys on dating apps. Bad people don’t exactly go out of their way to indicate they are bad people.”

Heeseung thinks about that. Beomgyu has a point. If Jaeyun is a trash human, then he’s a trash human. But for now, there isn’t much risk in Heeseung getting to know him.

“Are you going to the fraternity party later?” Heeseung changes the subject. “Sunoo is dragging me there.”

“Nah, Soobin and I are going to have a date night once he finishes his paper.” Beomgyu smiles. “I’m pretty excited about it actually.”

“Cute.” Heeseung smiles. “I’m happy things are going well.”

“It’s really weird. Like we just clicked instantly. I haven’t really had that before. Or at least it hasn’t felt like this. I think I really like him.” Beomgyu sighs.

“That’s good though, right?” Heeseung asks. “Don’t you want to really like your partner?”

Beomgyu nods. “Sure. But I guess it also just scares me because what if things go wrong?” Beomgyu asks.

“I don’t think you can think like that.” Heeseung shakes his head. “Besides, even if you two do break up, that doesn’t mean that he needs to be cut out of your life.” Heeseung gestures between the two of them. “Clearly, it’s possible to stay friends.”

Beomgyu smiles. “You’re right.”

The two of them keep drinking their coffee for a few minutes before Beomgyu says that they have to run. Heeseung gives them a hug, telling them that the two of them will try to eat lunch this week on campus. Heeseung pulls out his phone and sees a message from Jaeyun.

Jaeyun: Cleaning sucks.

Heeseung: Agreed. I avoid it at all costs.

Jaeyun: Ooo. How was coffee?

Heeseung: Really nice actually.

Jaeyun: Glad to hear it. I would love to stay on my phone, but my roommate is currently threatening to spill a bucket of soap water on my head if I don’t start helping him clean.

Heeseung: Lol. I’ll let you face the music then.

Jaeyun: >:(

“Honestly, this might be my best work.” Sunoo says, admiring his handy work. “You look stunning.” Sunoo says, approvingly.

“So I will be able to make frat guy jealous?” Heeseung smiles.

Sunoo smirks. “Oh yes, you will work perfectly.” Sunoo fluffs Heeseung’s hair one last time.

“Okay, so remind me. Who is this guy and what’s the story?” Heeseung asks.

“So his name is Keeho.” Sunoo says. “We’ve been flirting off and on, but he is playing hard to get.” Sunoo pouts. “He invited me to this party tonight, but I know that if I go alone, he is going to ignore me all night.” Sunoo shrugs. “But if I go with someone, he is going to try to flirt with me all night.”

“Isn’t that super toxic?” Heeseung asks stupidly.

“Well, yes. But so am I.” Sunoo says. “I just need to have the upper hand this time.”

Heeseung shakes his head. “Sometimes, you scare me.” Sunoo rolls his eyes.

“It’s just a little bit of fun.” Sunoo says. “Keeho likes the game just as much as I do, which is why it’s so fun to tease each other.”

Heeseung isn’t sure why he bothers. He and Sunoo have never taken the same approach to relationships.

Sunoo has flings, but he refuses to get serious with anyone. Heeseung thinks it’s Sunoo’s way to protect himself, but Sunoo says it is because he is too young to settle down. Meanwhile, Heeseung hates dating and would love to find his person early so that he can stop having to put himself out there. Sunoo says Heeseung is a hopeless romantic, but Heeseung just wants to meet the person he's going to share his life with.

“How’s creepy underwear guy?” Sunoo asks.

“Jaeyun is good.” Heeseung sighs. “He was cleaning earlier.”

“Cleaning the blood from his latest kidnapping victim.” Sunoo mutters.

Heeseung narrows his eyes. “Is it really so hard for you to try to support me on this?” Heeseung sighs. “Talking to him is fun.”

Sunoo looks down at his nails—something he does when he feels guilty. He stares at them for a few seconds and then says, “I’ll try to quit being a bitch about it.”

Heeseung recognizes Sunoo’s version of an apology for what it is. “Thank you.”

“Ugh, okay. We need to have a shot before we head out.” Sunoo says, clapping his hands. “I can’t show up to a frat party sober.”

After an hour of pre-gaming, Heeseung and Sunoo show up to the frat party in a good mood. Sunoo is really laying it on thick, so he is basically hanging off Heeseung’s shoulder. Heeseung isn’t sure where Keeho is, but he’s sure Sunoo is currently winning whatever game they are playing.

Heeseung notices that the inside of the frat is a lot cleaner that he would expect. Heeseung hasn’t been to a frat party since his freshman year, but he doesn’t remember them being this clean. He also doesn’t remember them being this inclusive. In addition to a bunch of guy-girl pairings on the dance floor, he sees some guys dancing with other guys and girls dancing with other girls.

“Sunoo!” A tall guy walks up to them smiling. He’s super pale and has prominent pointed canine teeth. Heeseung has a sudden urge to text Jaeyun that vampires might be real.

“Ah, Hoon.” Sunoo smiles. “This is Heeseung.” Sunoo says gesturing to Heeseung. “Heeseung, this is Hoon.”

“Sunghoon, actually.” Sunghoon smiles. “But you can call me Hoon if you want.” The pale boy says reaching out his hand.

“Heeseung.” Heeseung smiles, still staring around at the party in awe.

“So are you Sunoo’s catch of the week?” Sunghoon nods at Sunoo.

Heeseung is a terrible liar, so he nudges Sunoo to speak for them. Sunoo rolls his eyes and says, “I’m taking him on a test run tonight.”

Sunghoon laughs. “Of course, you are.” Sunghoon looks over toward the corner where two guys are talking on a couch. “Keeho is going to be disappointed.”

Sunoo smiles brighter. “I’m sure he will get over it.”

Sunghoon just shakes his head. “You’re something else.” Sunghoon looks at Heeseung again. “Make sure he doesn’t go too hard on the cocktails tonight.” Sunghoon points toward the kitchen. “Drinks are in the kitchen. All the beers are capped and drink dispensers have locks on them.” Sunghoon nods. “We also have drink covers for solo cups if you want them.”

Heeseung just stares at Sunghoon. He tries to process the words. It’s definitely been a while since he’s been to a house party, but he is pretty sure he has never heard of drink dispensers with locks on them.

“Jay and Jake are obsessive about drink safety.” Sunoo shrugs. “Some people think it’s overkill, but I think it’s cute.”

Heeseung tries to control his surprise, but one glance at Sunghoon tells Heeseung that he is failing.

“I bet you heard frat party and had a way different picture.” Sunghoon laughs. “It’s okay. Most people do.” Heeseung has so many questions, but Sunoo starts tugging him toward the kitchen, so he just gives a helpless wave back toward Sunghoon.

“So are all fraternities like this now?” Heeseung asks.

“Definitely not.” Sunoo says. “Most are the same as what you probably pictured.” Sunoo nods. “This fraternity has gone through a massive overhaul the in the last two years.”

“What do you mean?” Heeseung asks, looking around at the party. The lighting is dimmed, but there is clearly enough lighting for people to see. Heeseung can also see a collection of signs next to the drink dispensers. One of them says, if you see something, say something. Another says, don’t forget to drink some water. The third says, friends don’t let friends drive drunk

“Well, Jay and Jake had a really bad experience their freshman year. They don’t talk about what happened….But basically, they vowed to make changes as soon as they graduated from being pledges.”

“Who are Jay and Jake?” Heeseung asked, looking around the kitchen.

“Oh, Jay is the fraternity president and Jake is the vice president. They are both juniors, but there aren’t any seniors here besides Keeho anymore.”

“What happened to them?” Heeseung asks curiously, accepting the drink that Sunoo poured from him. Sunoo offers him a drink cover. It’s neon pink. Heeseung slips it on over his solo cup.

“Some of them got kicked from school. Others just agreed to quit the frat in exchange for a less severe punishment.”

“Damn.” Heeseung says. “Why didn’t I hear about any of this?” Heeseung asks.

“Because you only have four friends.” Sunoo shrugs.

“Wait is this the fraternity that got caught date raping people?” Heeseung asks, starting to put the pieces together.

“Obviously, not anymore.” Sunoo says pointing at the drink cover on Heeseung’s drink. “But yeah, that was their old reputation. Though the administration claimed that they never had any proof.”

“What changed?” Heeseung asks.

“I don’t know if we are ever going to know the full details, but it seems like Jay and Jake were able to put forth enough evidence that the administration couldn’t turn a blind eye.” Sunoo says. “It also doesn’t hurt that Jay’s family is loaded.”

Heeseung nods. He can’t help but have a little respect for Jay and Jake, whoever they are. It probably wasn’t easy to go against an entire fraternity, especially if it had people who caused them trauma. But, he likes that they changed it into something like this.

“The vibe here is definitely better. I’ll give them that.” Heeseung nods.

“It really is.” Sunoo says. “Of course, I still enjoy my tragic straight boys who can’t admit that they like fooling around with me…but it is nice to come here and encounter people who are comfortable being out.” Sunoo shrugs. “This is one of the only frats where there are members that are openly gay.”

“Really?” Heeseung says, taking a sip of his drink.

“Sunghoon is dating Jay.” Sunoo smiles. “And obviously, Keeho is gay.”

Heeseung smiles at that. “That’s really cool."

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Jake was bisexual, but he tends to be pretty close-lipped about his private life.” Sunoo says wistfully. “He is the Pokémon that got away from me.”

Heeseung laughs. “Someone actually turned you down?” Heeseung asks.

“He did. I really thought I had him.” Sunoo pouts. “But he rejected me so sweetly that I couldn’t even be mad about it.” Sunoo nods. “That was my freshman year though. I was still honing my skills.” Sunoo says.

“Of course.” Heeseung smiles, not pointing out that Sunoo is only a sophomore.

After a few hours, Heeseung finally meets Keeho. He’s gorgeous and very much Sunoo’s type. Keeho gives Heeseung a cursory glance and then shrugs. “Sunoo, I thought I told you to come by yourself.” Keeho says, rolling his eyes.

Sunoo blinks innocently. “But I couldn’t cancel my plans with Heeseung.” Sunoo wraps an arm around Heeseung’s waist. “He would have been lonely without out me.”

Heeseung has to bite on his lip to not give away his amusement. Heeseung would have been just fine at home playing League of Legends.

“But now I’m lonely without you.” Keeho pouts.

Sunoo smiles. “I’m sure you will get over it.”

“Will you at least let me dance with you?” Keeho asks, not even bothering to look at Heeseung.

Sunoo looks at Heeseung, then he stands on his tippy-toes giving Heeseung a kiss on his cheek. “Be right back, Hee.” Sunoo says taking Keeho’s hand. Heeseung just blinks.

“Those two are something else right?” Sunghoon says, appearing next to Heeseung. Heeseung hadn’t even heard him approach. Heeseung is really starting to think this man is actually a vampire.

Heeseung just laughs. “I don’t even know how they can tell who is winning.”

Sunghoon shakes his head. “No idea. I thought that things would come to a head at some point, but they seem determined to drag it on as long as possible.”

“Sorry you got caught up in it.” Sunghoon cringes.

Heeseung waives his hand dismissively. “No worries. I don’t think I am the right speed for him anyway.” Heeseung says, evasively.

“I think that is true for most of us.” Sunghoon smiles. “He’s one of a kind.”

“Have you known him a long time?” Heeseung asks pointing towards Sunoo on the dance floor.

Sunghoon nods. “We grew up together.” Sunghoon smiles. “It was tough when I had to go to college a year before him.”

“I bet.” Heeseung nods. He met Sunoo during Sunoo’s first week on campus. They shared some classes since Sunoo is a music minor. Heeseung hadn’t been looking for a friend, but Sunoo had seemed to recognize that Heeseung could really use one. Heeseung has always been grateful to Sunoo for that.

“But I really respect what you all have done with this place.” Heeseung says gesturing to the fraternity. “I really like the atmosphere…which is not something I would ever imagine saying about a frat party.”

Sunghoon laughs. “Right?”

“Honestly, it’s been really cool to watch people gravitate here. I think a lot of people rush because they are looking for a community.” Sunghoon says. “But not everyone is looking for the same kind of community, so it’s nice that Jay and Jake recognized a gap in the market so to speak.”

Heeseung nods. “Is there a similar sorority?”

Sunghoon cringes. “We thought there was last year.” Sunghoon says. “We tried to partner up with them for events and stuff because it is easier with Greek stuff when you have a pair so to speak.” Sunghoon sighs. “But uh, it didn’t end up working out.”

Heeseung doesn’t push. He can tell it’s a sore subject. Still, he won’t deny that he’s curious.

>“That sucks.” Heeseung says, truthfully.

“It definitely was hard, but we haven’t given up. There are a lot of girls that come to our events that want something similar for themselves on sorority row.” Sunghoon says pointing around. “I think it’s only a matter of time before they make one.”

“What about non-binary people?” Heeseung asks hesitantly. “Do you accept them here?"

“Definitely.” Sunghoon says. “School rules don’t allow us to accept girls intro the frat, but it doesn’t say anything about non-binary people."

“Somehow, I bet you are the only frat that interprets that rule inclusively.” Heeseung points out.

“You’re probably right.” Sunghoon shrugs. “But, that’s their loss.”

Heeseung nods. Vampire or not, Heeseung likes Sunghoon. He seems really genuine.

Heeseung: I drank way too much last night…

Jaeyun: It’s 1 pm…

Jaeyun: Did you just get up?

Heeseung: …maybe

Jaeyun: Oh lord. That rough?

Heeseung: Why are cocktails so tasty?

Jaeyun: Lmao.

Jaeyun: I am cleaning once again.

Heeseung: Damn. Are you a neat freak?

Jaeyun: Not even in the slightest.

Jaeyun: But I get to go play soccer soon, so that will be fun.

Heeseung: Ah, you skipped the run this morning.

Jaeyun: Nope! Still ran. This is just extra.

Heeseung: Are you even human?

Jaeyun: No, I am a vampire, remember.

Heeseung: Oh shit! I just remembered that last night I met this guy who really did look like a vampire.

Heeseung: Super pale. Pointy teeth. Didn’t make any sounds when he moved.

Jaeyun:…that’s unsettling.

Jaeyun: I thought Monsters, Inc. was scary.

Heeseung: hahaha. Okay, noted. Spine of steel.

Jaeyun: My roommate is just as bad.

Heeseung starts typing out a new topic because he doesn’t want the conversation to end. He’s wearing his hamster pajamas and he hasn’t left his bed, but he doesn’t care. Texting Jaeyun is addicting and Heeseung refuses to unpack that feeling when he’s this hungover.

Chapter Text

[Jake]

Heeseung: My computer crashed when I was finishing my assignment for class. :|

Jake: Oh no! Were you able to recover your assignment?

Heeseung: …Most of it. I probably lost like a half an hour of editing.

Jake: That really sucks. What class was it for?

Heeseung: One of my production courses. We had to create a more compelling hook to a sample song that we were given.

Jake: That’s really cool that you can literally create music.

Jake: For some reason, I imagine you have a really nice voice.

Jake: Is that weird? Damn, it sounded weirder than I meant.

Jake bites on the nail of his index finger. Heeseung keeps typing and stopping his response. Jake wants to bang his head on his wall. Why did he say that?

Heeseung; I like singing a lot, but I’m also a bit of a perfectionist, so I am not always happy with how I sound.

Heeseung: And don’t worry! I wasn’t weirded out.

Jake lets out a deep breath. In the last two weeks, he has grown somewhat attached to his conversations with Heeseung. Heeseung is funny and it’s easy to talk to him. Jake struggles opening up with his friends. Or at least that’s what Hoon and Jay tell him. So, he’s pretty surprised with how vulnerable some of his messages to Heeseung have been. Like two days ago, when he had a shit day because he messed up a lab. Normally, he would have just worked out and tried to forget about it. But he had ended up venting to Heeseung about it, and he actually felt a lot better after talking it out. Maybe, Jay has a point.

Jay has stopped pushing Jake to see a school therapist, but he knows that Jay and Hoon still worry about him. Jay has been seeing a therapist ever since freshman year, and he says it’s helped him a lot. Jake doesn’t have anything against therapy, but the idea of talking to a stranger about his emotions makes him tense up. Still, he knows his friends worry because they care. He shakes his head, preparing to keep the conversation with Heeseung going, but then he gets a text from his little—Jungwon.

Jay and Jake were adamant that they really wanted the fraternity's big/little system to be a better mentorship program than it was when they joined the fraternity. But last year there were far less upperclassman than pledges, so a lot of the members ended up being assigned two to three littles. Jake had been assigned Jungwon and Taki, who are both sophomores now. Jungwon’s little this year is probably going to be Harua, and Jake knows Taki really wants his friend, Ni-ki, to be his little. Jay is a bit apprehensive letting Taki pick a friend, but he also knows that Jake has basically already adopted Ni-ki. Also, Jay is a total softie at heart.

Jungwon: Can we go for a walk? I need to clear my head.

Jake smiles. Jungwon loves walks. He was thrilled he got to move into the fraternity house this year because it gave him new paths to explore at night.

Jake and Jay made sure all the members know that living in the house was 100% optional. Still, a good portion of last year’s pledge class moved into the house this year. Taki didn’t, but that’s because he moved into the engineering dorms.

Jake: Give me 5 minutes. I’ll meet you downstairs.

Jake pouts a little. He will likely have to end his conversation with Heeseung for the night.

Jake: A friend needs my help with something, so I’ll be MIA for the next hour.

Heeseung: And then it will be your bedtime lol.

Jake: You’re not wrong haha. I can’t hang with you cool kids who stay up past 11 PM.

Heeseung: I am wearing a buzz lightyear t-shirt and a pair of fuzzy pajama pants with cats on them. I am the epitome of cool.

Jake: LOL. Very high fashion.

Heeseung: Night, Jaeyun!

Jake: Good night, Heeseung :)

Jake tucks his phone in his sweatpants and jogs down the stairs to meet Jungwon. When he gets here, Jake notices Jungwon pacing in the living room.

“Careful, you’ll burn a hole through the floor.” Jake jokes. Jungwon rolls his eyes but he doesn’t stop pacing.

“Shall we go then?” Jake gestures outside. Jungwon nods and the two make their way down the front steps. It’s dark but it’s a nice night. It’s still early fall, so the weather hasn’t gotten too cold yet.

“What’s up, Won?” Jake nudges Jungwon’s shoulder with his own.

Jungwon sighs. “I had a fight with a friend.” Jungwon shakes his head. “I don’t even know if I want to call him a friend anymore though. Not after the fight.”

“What was the fight about?” Jake asks neutrally.

Jungwon looks down at the ground. And then up at Jake. He bites his lip and Jake can tell Jungwon is contemplating how to avoid the truth. “Just tell me about it, okay?” Jake says, squeezing Jungwon’s shoulder once. “You don’t need to spare my feelings."

“My friend and I were catching up over lunch.” Jungwon exhales. “We haven’t seen each other since the end of last year because things were so crazy for both of us at the start of this year.”

Jake nods.

“Anyway, I told him that I moved into the fraternity house this year.” Jungwon says, quickly glancing at Jake before he continues. “My friend asked me if I was sure I thought that was a good idea.”

Jake nods for Jungwon to continue.

“I could tell why he asked and it annoyed me. But, I asked him what he meant by that.” Jungwon says. “And he said that he just wanted me to be safe.” Jungwon shakes his head. “If he bothered to attend any of our parties, then he would know how much you guys have changed the fraternity.” Jungwon sighs.

“What did you say?” Jake knows that Jungwon can be scary when annoyed.

“I said: First, not everyone in the fraternity was a rapist" Jungwon says lifting his index finger up. "And second, his outlook is very victim blaming.” Jungwon says lifting another finger up. Jake nods for Jungwon to keep going. “I told him that he still hangs out with plenty of guys in other frats and that those frats still do the problematic shit but no one has the guts to call them out on it.”

Jake winces. It’s true, but people don’t like hearing it. Jay and Jake are positive that there are least three other frats that had similar problems to theirs, but there isn’t really anything they can do without witnesses or proof.

“Then, he asked me if I thought it was weird that only the gay upperclassman stayed in the fraternity.” Jungwon rolls his eyes. "Before I could even correct him. He said that some people think that you guys kicked out all the straight guys after coming on to them and then tried to flip the script on those guys when they turned you down.”

Jake sighs. He’s also heard that this year. He has a feeling he knows who started those rumors. But they are getting louder, so he should probably talk to Jay about it soon.

“I told him that he was being massively homophobic and completely out of line.” Jungwon sighs. “He got up and left.”

Jake nods. That sounds about right. Jake hates that the younger members have to deal with this backlash. He and Jay can handle it, but he really doesn’t want the younger members to have to get caught up in any of that drama. Jake takes a deep breath to calm himself. Before he can give some reassurance, Jungwon continues.

“He wasn’t even right. Sure, Keeho, EJ, Jay, and Hoon are gay, but there are straight upperclassman too." Jungwon frowns counting off names on his hand. "Taehyun, Nicholas, Kai…and…well, I actually don’t know about you, but you did have a girlfriend last year…” Jungwon trails off.

Jake laughs. “I don’t really put a label on things. But I wouldn’t say I’m straight.” He’s never really cared about labeling himself. He’s dated and slept with both men and women. “But you’re right. There are straight upperclassman in the fraternity.” Jake sighs. “And I’m sorry you got dragged into this mess.”

Jungwon looks sharply at him. “What do you mean?"

“I just wish that you guys didn’t have to deal with anyone saying anything.” Jake shrugs. “I wish they would just vent their issues with me.”

“You do realize no one in the fraternity minds defending you guys right?” Jungwon asks. “We are all really proud of what you guys have created. It’s a really inclusive space.” Jake has never been great at accepting a compliment, but he tries to smile through his awkwardness.

“Still, I wish I could do more to shield you guys from the drama.” Jake says, kicking a pebble on the sidewalk.

“You do too much already. You should give yourself a break.” Jungwon smiles. They walk in silence for a few minutes. Then Jungwon asks, “speaking of breaks…how is the wrong number guy?”

Jake latches on to the topic change. “Pretty good. We actually get along really well. I don't really know how to explain it." Jake says. "It's just nice to talk to him."

“You should invite him to the next party.” Jungwon encourages.

Jake frowns. “Ah, I don’t know about that. I think it might be too soon to meet just yet.”

“What? Two weeks is a long time. I usually ask people out on dating apps after like two days of talking." Jungwon points out.

“Valid point. I guess I just want to take things slow right now.” Jake says, honestly.

His last two relationships ended in huge betrayals of trust, so it’s hard for Jake to want to get invested romantically. Jungwon nods. He was around last year, so he had heard about what Jake’s ex-girlfriend did. Jake had promised himself that this year his life would be drama free. He wouldn’t cause his friends or his fraternity any extra worries. So as much as he likes talking to Heeseung, he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to move too fast.

Heeseung: what is the last date beyond the expiration date that you would drink milk?

Jake: I don’t drink milk past the expiration date…

Heeseung: Okay, but if you did…

Jake: But I wouldn’t

Heeseung: You’re a T personality type, aren’t you?

Jake: ISTJ

Heeseung: Of course.

Heeseung: So, do you think I will get sick if I drank out of a milk carton that had expired three days ago.

Jake: Hmmm. Depends how much you drank, but it’s possible you will have an unpleasant 24 hours.

Heeseung: Fantastic. :|

Jake: Dare I ask how your morning is going otherwise?

Heeseung: I’m a mess today, honestly. I stayed up too late gaming and forgot I had to be on campus for 10 AM.

Jake: Ah, that sounds like a stressful morning.

Jake: Is there anything I can do to help?

Heeseung: Unfortunately, no. Unless you want to attend my afternoon class for me.

Jake: I would if I could. Though I am pretty sure I would tank your grade.

Jake: Is this the class you had the sampling assignment for?

Heeseung: Yep. I’m hoping my work is passable.

Jake: I’m sure it’s great. Not to be weird, but I would love to hear one of your creations.

Heeseung: Not weird! I’m just a bit shy and afraid you will think they suck.

Jake: I very much doubt I would think they suck. But definitely don’t feel any pressure if you don’t want to send any.

Heeseung: I’ll see what my professor thinks of this one and if he deems it passable, then I might send it to you.

Jake: I look forward to it!

Heeseung: How is it that talking to you for 10 minutes has instantly made me calm down?

Heeseung: Pretend I didn’t send that.

Jake: I can’t pretend that.

Jake: Nor would I want to. Because I feel the same way.

Heeseung: Cheesy.

Jake: You started it.

Heeseung: :P

Jake: >:(

Jake: As much as I’d like to continue having an emoji debate, my next class is about to start.

Heeseung: You know some people text in class.

Jake: Naughty people.

Heeseung: You’ve literally sent me a picture of your physics class.

Jake: …Talk to you later, Heeseung!

Jake smiles at his phone as he starts taking out his computer and mouse. He actually does try to avoid texting in class, but that first day, he had been unable to resist checking his messages when he saw Heeseung had texted him again. At the time Heeseung was still Wrong Number in Jake’s phone. It’s kind of wild how much has changed in the last two weeks.

Still, now that he knows he can keep talking to Heeseung, he tries to avoid texting in class. Heeseung clearly does not have the same hang-ups as Jake, so Jake is used to having a handful of texts waiting for him whenever he gets out of class. He’s likes catching up on Heeseung's random musings. Even if it’s kind of cheesy, Heeseung feels like a safe space.

As Jake is opening up Word to take notes, he notices someone sit down next to him. That's a bit odd because the class doesn’t have an assigned seating chart and there’s enough empty seats that people usually leave a space in between seats. Jake turns to see who sat next to him and he feels his stomach drop. Jake pinches his thigh, trying to keep his cool so this his face still appears neutral.

“Hi Jake.” Joongi smirks.

Jake is aware they share this class, but he has also done an excellent job of mentally erasing Joongi’s presence the last few weeks. They sit on opposite sides of the classroom and never interact. Besides, Joongi has never been the type of person to attend lectures often—he manages to scrape by well enough on exams so he doesn’t need the attendance points. That actually had used to impress Jake when Jake was a naïve freshman with a crush.

Jake stares at him blankly. “Did I give the impression I was open to conversation with you?”

Joongi gives a fake laugh—it’s the one he uses in public. His actual laugh is much more nasally, though Jake used to find it endearing. “Not in the slightest.”

Still, Joongi doesn’t get up from the seat next to Jake. “Okay, then we’re done here.” Jake nods, turning back to his computer.

“Not quite.” Joongi says. Jake glares at him. “I was talking to a couple of the other guys that still go here…” Joongi trails off. “And we think you should tell the administration that you recommend we participate in Greek life again…obviously not your fraternity…but a different one.”

Jake blinks a him. “And why would I do that?”

“Because we are asking you to.” Joongi shrugs.

“I asked Santa for a million dollars once…sometimes our wishes aren’t granted.” Jake shrugs back.

“I don’t think you realize how easy we’ve gone on you. We have a lot of friends in the other frats.” Joongi raises his eyebrows. “We could have caused problems, but we didn’t. We let you rebuild the frat the way you wanted it.”

Jake looks at him incredulously. “I don’t think you realize how easy I’ve gone on you.”

“No, I’ve always realized you were easy.” Joongi smirks. And it makes Jake’s skin crawl. Mostly because Jake hates that he used to find that smirk attractive.

“Are we done here?” Jake rolls his eyes.

“I just think you should think about it.” Joongi says, finally getting up.

Jake remembers his conversation with Jungwon, and adds, “you should stop spreading false rumors about why you guys got kicked out,” to Joongi’s retreating back. “You can be pissed at me all you want, but the rumors are hurting the underclassman, and I don’t take things like that lightly.”

“Maybe if you talk to admin, I’ll feel less chatty.” Joongi shrugs, not even bothering to turn around.

Jake glares at him as he makes his way to the other side of the classroom. The room feels too hot and Jake can’t focus on the computer in front of him. He can tell he doesn’t have a handle on his emotions. He starts packing his stuff back up and rushes out the classroom; He will have to email the professor that he got sick.

Jake isn’t sure where to go to reorganize his thoughts. He doesn’t think he can make the long walk back to the frat house, and besides, he doesn’t want to run into Jay when he’s like this. He also forgot to bring an extra pair of workout clothes, so the gym isn’t a possibility.

Jake walks past a grassy field on campus and decides to sit next to a tree, so he can calm himself. It doesn’t work. He texts Heeseung instead. The grass also kind of itches.

Jake: Are you allergic to grass?

Heeseung: Uh I don’t think so?

Heeseung: Aren’t you in class?

Jake: Not anymore.

Heeseung: Did the teacher not show?

Jake: Oh, I’m sure he did. I didn’t stay long enough to find out.

Heeseung: Is everything okay?

Jake: It will be fine. I just needed some air.

Jake: And talking to you always makes me feel better.

Heeseung: I’m glad to hear that. But I’m also a little worried. Don’t you hate missing class?

Heeseung: Is there anything I can do?

Jake: Yeah. Tell me about you and Soccerkid’s latest gaming adventure.

Heeseung: It’s a lot to type…Would you be opposed to me calling you?

Heeseung: Is it too soon?

Jake thinks about it for a second. He asked Heeseung to send him a sample of his music, so really, it’s only fair that Heeseung also gets to hear Jake’s voice. Besides it would be pretty hard to find someone based off their voice alone.

Jake: You can call me.

Jake’s phone starts ringing a minute later. He’s nervous, but he pushes himself to accept the call.

“Hello?” Jake asks breathily.

“Hi.” Heeseung says. “Wow. This will take some getting used to.” He laughs a little. It’s a bit dorky, but it’s a sweet laugh. And Heeseung’s speaking voice is soothing.

“For both of us. But I’m glad you suggested it.” Jake admits. “It’s nice to hear your voice actually.” Jake slaps his forehead. “Wow, that sounded cringe.”

Heeseung laughs again. “A little…but I feel the same.”

Jake smiles at that. “So, your adventure with Soccerkid?”

“Ah, of course. Well, it started with us both downing monster energy drinks of course…”

Heeseung: So, I finally got feedback on my assignment from last week…

Jake: Your professor thought it was good, right?

Heeseung: I didn’t make too many mistakes. Still think I could have done better.

Jake: I believe the deal was “passable.”

Jake: And it sounds like you passed.

Heeseung: Ugh. Fine. I’m going to send the file. But we don’t ever have to talk about this. Also, my assignment was just to re-work the production. The lyrics…are not mine.

Jake downloads the file as soon as he gets it. He’s already in bed, but he can see Jay’s desk light is still on, so he grabs his headphones from the dresser drawer next to him. He puts the headphones on and then presses play:

Come here and get some (Some)
남겨줘 on my neck
네 거란 증거 (거)
Just come over and bite me
Come here and get some (Some)
널 찬미할 sidekick
그게 내 숙명 (명)
Just come over and bite me

Jake listens again. The way that Heeseung sings the hook is addicting. He exaggerates certain syllables in a way that give the song extra texture. The lyrics are provocative and if they were sung differently, Jake could definitely see them coming across corny. But, Heeseung’s approach makes the hook just the right level of catchy without the lyrics sounding over the top.

Jake decides to call Heeseung instead of texting him. After their first call last week, the two have gotten in the habit of calling when they want to have longer conversations. He waits a few seconds for Heeseung to pick up.

“I almost declined this call, just FYI.” Heeseung admits.

“I’m glad you didn’t.” Jake smiles. “The hook is really good Heeseung. Like the way you sing it really adds dimension to it.”

“I’m going to hang up if you keep talking about it.” Heeseung says blankly. Jake bites down on a smile.

“I’m not even allowed to compliment your obvious talent?” Jake pouts. “Can I compliment your singing voice?”

Heeseung ends the call. Jake laughs and then calls him back.

“I will hang up on you again if you try to compliment me.” Heeseung says, sourly. Jake has to resist the urge to keep teasing him.

“You’re silly.” Jake says instead. He doesn’t want Heeseung to hang up again. “How was your day otherwise?”

“I got a new high score playing League of Legends.” Heeseung says proudly. “My fingers ache like shit though.”

“You’re going to get carpel tunnel if you don’t start using the finger stretches that I sent you.” Jake admonishes.

“Yes, mom.” Heeseung grumbles, but Jake can hear the smile in his voice. Jake suspects Heeseung has a beautiful smile. He might be too chickenshit to ask Heeseung to trade selfies, but it hasn’t stopped Jake from fantasizing how Heeseung looks.

“I might have to cancel on Soccerkid tonight. I’m not sure if I have more gaming in me tonight.” Heeseung says.

“You say that now, but I’m going to go to bed and then tomorrow you’re going to tell me that you stayed up until 2 AM because you guys had to finish the quest before you slept.” Jake says.

Heeseung says something, but Jake doesn’t catch it because his headphones are suddenly ripped off his head.

“Dude. I’m trying to do my homework so I can crash. I even made Hoon stay in his room tonight. Can you please flirt somewhere else?” Jay glares at him, holding Jake’s headphones out of reach.

“It’s not flirting. We aren’t like that.” Jake pouts. “Give me back my headphones.” He makes the grabby motion, but Jay just takes another step back.

“You better tell him you have to end the call.” Jay says, narrowing his eyes. “And if you do the ‘no you hang up first’ thing, I’ll smother you with a pillow.”

Jake rolls his eyes, but he nods. Jay gives stares at him for another few seconds and then hands the headphones back to Jake.

“I’m being told I need to hang up.” Jake says. Jay is still standing next to his bed, glaring at him. Jake is surprised that he isn’t tapping his foot against the floor.

“I heard.” Heeseung laughs, but it’s stilted at awkward. Jake frowns.

“You, okay?” Jake asks, forgetting Jay’s threats.

“Oh, I’m fine. I’ll let you get off the phone so your roommate doesn’t smother you with a pillow.” Heeseung says quickly. He ends the call before Jake can even say goodbye.

Jake glares at Jay. “You made him feel bad!” Jake accuses pointing a finger at Jay.

“No, I think you did that on your own, genius.” Jay rolls his eyes and then turns to walk back to his desk.

“What do you mean?” Jake asks. Jay turns around, clearly one second from attacking Jake with a pillow.

“I think you denying that you were flirting was probably not the news that he was looking for.” Jay says pointedly.

Jake winces. He knows he and Heeseung flirt. And he knows that Heeseung and him are quickly moving in to the gray area with their friendship, but he is just not ready to move into anything romantic. So, it feels like they are in this weird stalling pattern. He knows he should say something to Heeseung, but he doesn’t want to risk ending whatever they have going on. It’s selfish of him, really.

“I hate you.” Jake says, flatly.

Jay shrugs. “Look, Hoon told me that I need to lay off pressuring you about therapy…” Jay trails off. “But you’re about to flounder an opportunity to pursue a relationship with a guy you are interested in just because of some assholes, and I really think you should talk to someone about that.”

“I don’t need to talk to anyone about it. They aren’t going to tell me anything I don’t already know.” Jake frowns. “I am very aware that I am acting out of fear.”

“Yeah, and you’re doing that because what happened to you was fucked up.” Jay says sympathetically. He comes closer to Jake. “Seeking doesn’t help doesn’t make you weak.”

“I know that.” Jake says. “But I can handle it.” Jake crosses his arms. “Hell, I had an entire conversation with Joongi last week, and I didn’t even panic after.” Not entirely true, but Jay doesn’t need to know that.

“Wait, what?” Jay frowns. “How? He promised he wouldn’t interact with you. We didn’t pursue a formal restraining order because of that promise.”

Jake wants to smother himself with a pillow now. He has managed to hide Joongi’s choice of class for weeks.

“Uh…” Jake stalls, looking up at the ceiling as if it will provide an answer for him.

“Wait. Is he in one of your classes this year?” Jay demands.

“Uhhhh…” Jake keeps staring at the ceiling. He sucks at lying.

“Jaeyun. You better tell me what happened right now or I am going to admin tomorrow about filing a formal restraining order.” Jay’s voice is firm.

Jake knows he isn’t getting out of this now. He stares at Jay, who has taken a defensive position. Arms are crossed. Jaw jutting forward. Lips are pressed. Part of Jake is grateful for the friend that Jongseong is. The other part of him wants to crawl in a hole because he hates talking about this stuff.

“It’s not a big deal.” Jake shrugs. “He’s just in one of my classes.” He takes a deep breath. “We have never interacted in that class. He has kept his distance.”

“And what happened last week?” Jay challenges.

Jake sighs. “I handled it. So, it’s not really a big deal.”

“Jaeyun, what happened last week?” Jay repeats.

“He might have tried to threaten me. He asked me to go to admin and tell them that he and the others should be allowed to re-join Greek life.” Jake looks up to the ceiling. “Obviously, I told him that I wasn’t going to do that.” Jake forces out a laugh. “He also basically admitted that he’s the one behind the rumors going around about the frat.” Jake says.

“And, this was ‘no big deal’ to you.” Jay sighs, rubbing a hand through his hair. “Do you think I’m an idiot?”

Jake shakes his head. “Of course, I don’t.”

Jay gives him a tired smile. “I know you will hate this, but I think we need to arrange a meeting with admin next week.” Jay says. “There were conditions for why those ten were not expelled like the other twenty-five.”

Jake nods. He knows fighting Jay on this is useless. It’s why Jake’s gone through such an effort to keep the information from him in the first place. He understands it’s probably better to go to admin, but Jake hates talking about this stuff. He just wants to put it all behind him.

“Can we be done talking about this for tonight?” Jake asks. Jay looks like he wants to say more, but he bites his lip. He must see the way Jake is pinching his thigh because he shakes his head and walks back to his desk.

Jake pulls out his phone. There isn’t a text from Heeseung. Jake presses on his forehead with the palm of his hand. He isn’t sure he can take a conflict with Heeseung right now, but he doesn’t want to leave things like this for the night.

Jake: Did I do something wrong?

Heeseung: No.

Jake: You’re not very convincing.

Heeseung: I’m annoyed at myself. Not you.

Jake: You shouldn’t be annoyed with yourself.

Heeseung: I’m pretty sure I should.

Jake: You haven’t been misreading the situation.

Heeseung: It sounds like I have.

Jake: You haven’t. I just…I can’t right now.

Jake: It’s complicated. And you’re under no obligation to wait for me to figure my shit out.

Heeseung: Is this why you haven’t even hinted at wanting to meet me IRL.

Jake: A bit, yeah.

Heeseung: Okay, so recap:

Heeseung: You do flirt with me sometimes, but you’re not ready to go further then where we currently are. And you don’t want to meet me because you think it would create pressure to go further.

Jake: Pretty much. I flirt with you because I like you. And I’m positive if we met in person, I would like you more. But, I’m not ready for more.

Heeseung: Do you feel like I am pushing you for more?

Jake: No. I just don’t want you to have to wait around for me.

Heeseung: First, I drank Mountain Dew for breakfast and I’m wearing a ‘Y U No Gank’ t-shirt that has a mustard stain from lunch. As you can imagine, I do not have a line of suitors waiting outside my dorm.

Heeseung: Second, even if I did, I wouldn’t care because I’d rather be talking to you exactly how we are talking now.

Jake: And you call me cheesy?

Jake: Also, that shirt sounds awful, honestly.

Heeseung: It’s neon green.

Jake: How does it keep getting worse?

Jake: But thank you. I…I’m really grateful I texted you on accident.

Heeseung: Me, too, Jaeyun. Me too. Get some sleep, okay?

Jake: You too, Heeseung.

Chapter Text

[Heeseung]

Heeseung: Can I ask when your birthday is?

Jaeyun: Random. But it’s November 15.

Heeseung: Ooo a month after mine!

Jaeyun: Wait, your birthday is October 15???

Heeseung: Yes?

Jaeyun: Like the October 15 that is 6 days from now?

Heeseung: …yes?

Jaeyun: Why didn’t I know this sooner??

Heeseung: I told you now.

Jaeyun: I need to get you a gift.

Heeseung: How are you going to get a gift to me if you don’t know where I live?

Jaeyun:…that’s a good point.

Jake: Ah, wait. I have an idea!

Heeseung: I’m intrigued.

Jaeyun: But seriously, why didn’t you tell me your birthday was coming up?

Heeseung: Honestly…I thought it might be pressure for you.

Jaeyun:…That makes sense.

Jaeyun: Are you disappointed I can’t celebrate in person with you?

Heeseung: Disappointed isn’t the right word. Can I call? It’s hard to explain via text.

Jaeyun: Let me head outside cause my roommate and his boyfriend are in my room right now.

Heeseung stares at the phone nervously. It’s been about a week and a half since Jaeyun and Heeseung had talked about where they stood. Honestly, Heeseung had just been relieved that he hadn’t been misreading the signals. It’s been a while since he has flirted with anyone other than Beomgyu and Heeseung had started to think he was just bad at it. Heeseung is also curious about Jaeyun’s past relationships, but he doesn’t want to pry. Clearly, they are a sore subject for him.

Heeseung’s phone lights up with a new text.

Jake: Okay, call me whenever!

Jaeyun picks up on the first ring. “Hi,” Jaeyun says. It sounds like he’s smiling, but to be fair, Jaeyun often sounds like he is smiling.

“Hi, sorry for making you leave your room.” Heeseung says softly. He brushes the grey comforter on his bed with his hand. He likes soft things when he sleeps at night. His body pillow that he sleeps with is made of Sherpa.

“I always like talking to you, so it’s not a problem.” Jake assures him. “What’s on your mind?”

Heeseung sighs. “So basically, it’s not that I’m disappointed per say.” Heeseung pauses, trying to find the right words. “It’s just—well—my conversations with you are usually the best part of my day…” Heeseung trails off. “So of course, in an ideal world, I would want to spend time with you on my birthday.”

Jaeyun doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. Heeseung checks his phone screen to make sure the call didn’t disconnect. But Jaeyun is still there.

“I get that.” Jaeyun finally says. “And I’m sorry I can’t give you that for your birthday.”

Heeseung closes his eyes. This is exactly why he didn’t want to tell Jaeyun about his birthday. He doesn’t want Jaeyun to feel guilty for not being ready. Heeseung puts his phone on speaker and then rests it on the pillow next to his head.

“I wouldn’t want you to do something for me if it makes you uncomfortable.” Heeseung grabs the hamster plushie next to him and holds it close to his chest. “Even if you offered, I wouldn’t say yes because I know you want to go slow.”

“I think you’re too good for me.” Jaeyun says. “Seriously.”

Heeseung rolls his eyes. Heeseung joined the robotics club his freshman year but then he stopped going to meetings because he was too shy. Sunoo still teases him that Heeseung couldn’t even muster up enough courage to make friends with people who talk to robots. “If your standard is just someone who doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, then I think you need to raise the bar off the floor, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says honestly.

Heeseung hears Jaeyun snort. It’s cute. Heeseung is learning that Jaeyun has a lot of different laughs. When he gets surprised by something funny, his laugh will start with a snort sometimes. If he thinks something is cute and funny, his laugh is gigglier. If he finds something truly hilarious, his laugh will keep going up octaves until it abruptly cuts off—that laugh is Heeseung’s current favorite.

“Point taken.” Jaeyun says. “Still, I appreciate you being so patient with me.”

“It’s really nothing.” Heeseung shrugs. “Besides I’m looking forward to seeing how you can get a gift to me without knowing my last name and without knowing where I live.”

“Challenge accepted.” Jake says, determinedly.

Heeseung smiles. He has no doubt Jaeyun will find a way.

“I don’t get it.” Sunoo says the next day at lunch. “Aren’t you worried he’s catfishing you?”

“Pick an argument. First, you thought I should never meet him and now you think it’s weird that we haven’t met.” Heeseung shakes his head. “What happened to him being a predator?”

“I mean he’s kind of a lame one if he is one.” Sunoo rolls his eyes. “The goal is to meet your prey. He’s not doing a very good job of that.” Sunoo says, lifting a fry in the air as he talks. “No, my new theory is that he is terribly unattractive and scared that you won’t like him if you two met.”

“I don’t really care about looks though.” Heeseung admits truthfully, stealing one of Sunoo’s fries. “I wear a nightguard to bed.”

Sunoo glares at him. “Okay, sure, you’re a shy nerd. But you’re a hot nerd.” Sunoo says. Heeseung just blinks at him. “There are different levels of nerd.” Sunoo says patiently. “Like you’re the kind of nerd that would only need to take off his glasses and suddenly everyone would be falling at your feet.”

“I don’t always wear my glasses and people are not falling at my feet on any day.” Heeseung shrugs. “Also, aren’t those scenes super unrealistic? Like usually they cast a conventionally attractive person to play the nerd.”

“That’s my point. You’re the conventionally attractive person.” Sunoo dips his chicken into what Heeseung assumes is honey mustard. “Like you are not unfortunate looking. You’re just shy and your fashion sense is a bit misguided.”

“Careful, you might hurt yourself if you give me too many compliments.” Heeseung takes another fry. He is pretty sure Sunoo will slap him if he tries to go for a third. “Besides, even though I don’t really care, I am pretty sure Jaeyun is attractive.” Heeseung says.

“How do you know?” Sunoo narrows his eyes. “Has he sent you any pictures?”

Heeseung shakes his head. “He has a hot voice though.”

And, it’s true. Jaeyun has an amazing voice. He’s soft spoken and has a mellow tone, but Heeseung finds it incredibly addicting. One time, Heeseung woke Jaeyun up from a nap, and Heeseung wanted to cry after hearing how attractive Jaeyun sounded when he was sleepy.

“Really?” Sunoo says, leaning forward. “How so?”

“It’s like raspy but he’s soft-spoken, so it’s like quiet and raspy?” Heeseung says. “I don’t really know how to describe it.” Heeseung shrugs. “But this weekend he was telling me a story about a retreat he went on with his fraternity, and I kept making him repeat the word water because I like how he says it with his accent.” Heeseung smiles.

“Wait—accent?” Sunoo asks sharply. “What kind of accent?”

“Australian?” Heeseung says curiously.

“And what year is he?” Sunoo asks eyes wide. Heeseung looks at him carefully. Clearly, Sunoo knows something, but Heeseung is still totally lost.

“Junior.”

Sunoo closes his eyes. “So, he’s a junior. He’s in a fraternity. He’s a science major. And he has an Australian accent.” Sunoo says ticking off his fingers as he says each one. “And clearly he is not homophobic.”

“No, his roommate is gay.”

Sunoo nods. “Yes, he is.” Sunoo starts rubbing his temples. Heeseung feels severely out of the loop. And while that happens to him often when Sunoo starts talking about his smutty romance novels, Heeseung doesn’t like being out of the loop when it comes to Jaeyun.

“Are you okay?” Heeseung asks.

“I-uh. Well, I’m not sure. I don’t know the protocol here actually.” Sunoo says, eyes darting to the side of the cafeteria. “But I definitely know who Jaeyun is.”

“You do?” Heeseung asks, shocked. “Just based off what I told you?” Heeseung tries to keep his breathing even.

“Yeah, there is really only person that fits that description, but given your hermit tendencies, you wouldn’t know that.” Sunoo says but it sounds like he’s explaining it to himself more than he’s explaining it to Heeseung.

Heeseung can’t believe Sunoo has met Jaeyun before Heeseung has gotten a chance to. Heeseung almost asks Sunoo for more information, but then he stops. “Ah, wait.” Heeseung says, holding his hand up. “Don’t say anymore.”

Sunoo just blinks at him. “I don’t want to know any more about Jaeyun.” Heeseung says. “Jaeyun isn’t ready to meet, and I feel like you telling me more about him and/or revealing his identity wouldn’t be fair to him.”

“Wow, you’re whipped.” Sunoo smirks. “But, fair enough. I’ll tell you about what Keeho and I did in the backseat of his car last night…”

Heeseung leaves lunch scarred and wishing could erase the last fifteen minutes of his life.

Heeseung: So...I have something to tell you.

Jaeyun: That sounds ominous.

Heeseung: It’s not as bad as it sounds. But idk if you will be happy about it

Jaeyun: Okay, hit me with it.

Heeseung: Apparently one of my four friends knows you. I’m assuming he knows you by a different name because I’ve definitely mentioned your name to him before and he hasn’t said anything.

Heeseung: But I was talking about your accent and he kind of started freaking out when I said you were Australian. He said he fact you’re a junior, in a frat, a science major, Australian, and not homophobic means you could only be one person.

Heeseung: I told him not to tell me anything else, so I still don’t know your full name or anything like that.

Minutes go by and Jake doesn’t text him back. Heeseung tries to keep himself from getting too nervous, but the longer the silence goes on, he harder it gets.

Jaeyun: I don’t know how to feel honestly.

Jaeyun: But, it means a lot to me that you didn’t let your friend reveal my name and stuff. Honestly, you’re a really good guy.

Jaeyun: Can I ask his name? Maybe he is thinking of someone else>

Heeseung: Sure! His name is Sunoo.

Jaeyun: Ah, nope. He’s thinking of me.

Jaeyun: I go by Jake here instead of my Korean name.

Heeseung frowns, trying to recall where he’s heard that name. Then, he remembers the inclusive frat party with the drink covers. Of course, Jaeyun would be the one to build a fraternity like that.

Heeseung: Jake?

Heeseung: Ah, of course you’re Jake.

Heeseung: Oh dear.

Jaeyun: You know who I am? But we’ve never met. I would remember

Heeseung: We haven’t. But I met Sunghoon when I went to one of your guys’ frat parties earlier in the year.

Jaeyun: You were at the house this year???

Heeseung: I was.

Heeseung: Sunghoon told me about how you guys worked really hard to build an inclusive fraternity. I really respect that by the way!

Jake: Ah. Did he tell you why?

Heeseung: Not a lot. And I won’t ask for more about it either

Heeseung: This doesn’t change anything. We can still go as slow as you need.

Jaeyun: I really appreciate hearing that.

Jaeyun: Wow, it’s so weird that we’ve never met even though you have been to my house.

Heeseung: It wasn’t our time to meet yet :)

Jaeyun: So cheesy.

Heeseung: You secretly like it.

Jaeyun: …no comment

Heeseung: I have to start my game with Soccerkid soon. Are you going to be all right tonight? I know this was a lot to unload on you.

Jaeyun: I’ll be okay. Good night, Heeseung

Heeseung: Goodnight, Jaeyun

Jaeyun: Oh, I guess you can call me Jake now :/

Heeseung: I could.

Heeseung: Goodnight, Jaeyun <3

Jaeyun: Goodnight, Heeseung <3

Jaeyun: Well, at least I know how to get you your birthday gift.

Heeseung: That’s very true. Sunoo will probably love to help

Jaeyun: I’m sure. Sunghoon thinks it’s hilarious that he’s met you and I haven’t.

Jaeyun: My roommate, Jay, keeps saying I pout whenever he brings it up.

Heeseung: Ah, Jay is the infamous roommate. That would make sense.

Jaeyun: Also, Sunghoon says that you were a shit actor. Whatever that means?

Heeseung: I was there pretending to be Sunoo’s boy toy of the week.

Jaeyun: LOL. Ah…to make Keeho jealous?

Heeseung: He’s like a cat with a mouse.

Jaeyun: Oh, I know it. He has Keeho in his back pocket though. I am actually surprised Sunoo is still interested.

Heeseung: Honestly, same. But I’m happy for him. Keeho seems to match his energy well.

Jaeyun: That he does.

Heeseung: Apparently you let Sunoo down easy when you were his target?

Jaeyun: Ahhh that. I did do that.

Jaeyun: Sunghoon was not pleased with either of us lol.

Heeseung: Okay, I’m calling so I can get the story.

Heeseung sits up on his bed balancing a bowl of ramen on his knee. Jake picks up after three rings. “What if I had been in the shower?”

Heeseung laughs. “You text in the shower?”

“Never mind.” Jaeyun says quickly. “Anyway, I am in my bed so it doesn’t matter.” Heeseung hears another voice, but he can’t make out what they are saying.

“Hoon and Jay are also here though. Cause apparently, I can never have privacy even though Hoon has a perfectly good room that the two of them could use.” Jaeyun says grumpily. Heeseung imagines he’s pouting right now.

“Tell them I say hi.” Heeseung says.

“You’re supposed to tell me to tell them to leave.” Jaeyun whines.

“Oh. Tell them I told them to leave.” Heeseung shrugs.

“Well, that won’t work now.” Jaeyun says. “But they know the story, so I guess it’s fine if they hear it.

“Anyway, I had a rough breakup my freshman year…” Jaeyun trails off “So when I started my sophomore year, I vowed it would be a year where I would stay single and focus on the frat.”

“Sounds reasonable.” Heeseung nods, slurping some of his ramen.

“Hoon knew this, so when Sunoo locked eyes on me, he told Sunoo that I was off limits.” Jaeyun says.

“Terrible strategy with Sunoo. That will only make him think you’re a challenge.” Heeseung says honestly.

“Ha! That’s what I’ve told Hoon too. And Hoon should know that since he’s known Sunoo the longest.” Jaeyun says excitedly. “See Hoon! You were the instigator.” Heeseung can hear Jaeyun yelling to the other two in his room.

“But yeah. Sunoo decided he wanted to try flirting with me. And I definitely did flirt back a little. Sunoo is a cute guy and I’m weak to cute guys.” Jaeyun says softly.

“Oh no. I’m not very cute.” Heeseung pouts. “Is that a dealbreaker?”

Jaeyun laughs. “First, I call bullshit. Your voice when you first wake up is probably the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.” Jaeyun pauses. “But also, I really couldn’t give two shits about what you look like. I just like you for you.”

Heeseung can feel how red his cheeks are, but before he can say anything, he hears loud groaning from other voices in the room. Then, he hears Jaeyun say, “You didn’t leave when I told you to, so it’s your fucking fault you had to hear it.” Then Heeseung hears a door open and slam.

“Well, apparently we’ve grossed out the couple.” Jaeyun says. “Which is kind of ironic given how you and I met in the first place.”

Heeseung snorts. “Are they not cheesy?”

“Oh, they definitely are.” Jaeyun says. “Apparently, they just can’t stomach me being cheesy.” Jaeyun doesn’t sound upset though, so Heeseung figures his roommates aren’t actually mad.

“But anyway, Sunoo and I flirted for like a week. But I honestly didn’t expect anything further.” Jaeyun says. “But then he asked me out and I kind of freaked out. I didn’t realize how screwed up I still was until I thought of going on a date with him.”

“That’s perfectly understandable.” Heeseung says, reassuringly.

“Still, I felt like an ass for leading him on. So, I tried to be really gentle when I let him down.” Jaeyun says. “I’m glad he didn’t have any hard feelings about it.” Jaeyun says. “Sunoo is a great friend.”

“He really is.” Heeseung smiles. “He recognized how desperately I needed friends and kind of just decided to neve leave me alone.”

“That sounds like him.” Jaeyun pauses and then asks, “do you know what you’re doing for your birthday yet?”

“I think I am going to sleep in until noon like usual.” Heeseung winces. “Then maybe get some coffee with Beomgyu?” Heeseung still needs to confirm with Beomgyu.

“Then, I’ll game with Soccerkid for a few hours.” Soccerkid has promised that Heeseung gets to choose the game and have first pick at the characters. “And then dinner with Sunoo and maybe Yunjin.”

“Dang, busy day.” Jake whistles. “What are you doing after dinner?”

Heeseungs smiles shyly. He kind of wants to bury his head into his pillow, but he resists the urge. “Well, I was hoping to talk to this guy…” Heeseung trails off.

“Just a guy?” Jaeyun asks neutrally.

“Not just a guy, no.” Heeseung is really happy Jaeyun can’t see his blush right now. “He’s a special guy.”

Jaeyun giggles softly. “And you say you’re not cute?” Jaeyun jokes. “You’re full of it.” This time Heeseung does not resist the urge and ends up picking his body pillow so that he can smash his face into it.

Heeseung wakes up on his birthday a little after 12:30 pm. He looks at his phone and sees a number of notifications. He checks the texts first.

Sunoo: Dinner is at 6:30 tonight. Don’t be late birthday boy!

Heeseung: Thank you. I’ll be there. :)

Heeseung sees moves to the next text.

Beomgyu: Happy Bday. Just text me whenever you get up and we can plan coffee!

Beomgyu: Also, do you mind if Soobin comes?

Heeseung: Just woke up. Meet in like an hour?

Heeseung: And of course he can!

Heeseung is honestly shocked by his turnaround in the last month. The idea of Soobin joining his birthday coffee probably would have made him a bit grumpy if it happened earlier this year, but now, Heeseung truly doesn’t care.

He checks the next message.

Yunjin: Happy Birthday, Heeseung! Sunoo said dinner is at 6:30. Idk if he told you I can make it, but I’ll be there!

Heeseung: Thanks! And happy I’ll get to see you.

Heeseung contemplates opening up the message from Jaeyun, but he wants to check his gaming notifications first. He sees a message on Xbox from Soccerkid saying, “HBD. Let’s game later.” Heeseung quickly responds with, “Thx. I’ll message when I’m back from lunch.”

Heeseung finally opens the message from Jaeyun.

Jaeyun: Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day today. I can’t wait to hear all about your day when we talk tonight.

Heeseung: Thank you, Jaeyun. Also, I see you sent this at 12:01.

Jaeyun: I crashed immediately after.

Heeseung: I feel honored you stayed up late just to wish me a happy birthday.

Heeseung: Were you able to sleep in?

Jaeyun: Unfortunately, no. Maybe I’ll take a nap this afternoon.

Heeseung: Cute.

Jaeyun: -_-

Heeseung: I’ll talk to you later, Jaeyun.

Jaeyun: Talk to you then!

“So, he doesn’t want to meet even though you have a mutual friend?” Beomgyu asks, confused.

Heeseung takes a sip of his coffee. “He’s not ready to meet yet.” He says, shrugging. Beomgyu and Soobin just stare at him.

“Is he ever going to be ready?” Soobin asks gently.

“I’m not sure.” Heeseung says. “I’m fine going at the pace we are going.” Heeseung looks around. The coffee shop is pretty empty, so they scored a table near the window in the back corner of the shop.

“It just seems like you’re giving up a lot to be with him.” Beomgyu says, cutting the croissant they and Soobin ordered. “Like you’re pretty affectionate in relationship, so it seems weird you don’t have any desire to meet with this guy.”

Soobin glares at Beomgyu. Heeseung tries to intervene before Beomgyu puts their other foot in their mouth. “I never said I didn’t want to meet him. I just said I don’t mind waiting until he’s ready.” Heeseung explains.

“But what if you two don’t have physical chemistry?” Beomgyu asks. “Like can you even picture being with him if you have no idea what he looks like?”

Heeseung frowns. “Of course, I can.” Heeseung says. “Besides, there’s more to a relationship than just the physical stuff.”

“But, for you, the physical stuff is a big part.” Beomgyu takes a piece of the croissant he just cut.

Soobin narrows his eyes at Beomgyu. “Why are you acting like you know what Heeseung wants better than Heeseung himself?” Soobin asks.

“I’m not saying that. I just remember how Heeseung was when we were in a romantic relationship.” Beomgyu shrugs. Heeseung wishes Beomgyu would realize how deep of a hole they have dug themselves. But, they keep going. “Heeseung is a physical person. It’s why we kept hooking up after we broke up.”

“You did what?” Soobin asks. Heeseung takes another sip of coffee and wonders if he can leave without them noticing he’s gone. But, he also wants to reassure Soobin that he and Beomgyu haven’t hooked up in ages.

“It’s been a long time since we hooked up!” Heeseung says quickly. “And it was more out of boredom than it was anything else.”

Beomgyu nods. “Yeah, the last time was like three months ago I think.” Heeseung blinks widely at them. Does Beomgyu have a death wish?

Soobin looks back and forth between Beomgyu and Heeseung. “But, we started dating three months ago.”

“It was before you started dating.” Heeseung emphasizes. “I promise.” Soobin nods, but he still looks a little unsure.

Beomgyu clearly sees the same doubt on Soobin's face because he asks, “Do you think I would cheat on you?” Beomgyu sounds hurt.

“Well, you definitely have never mentioned that you and Heeseung kept sleeping together after you broke up.” Soobin says, icily. “Feels like something that should have come up.”

“I didn’t think it was a big deal.” Beomgyu says. “Like I said, Heeseung is a physical person.”

“Can you stop saying that?” Soobin asks. “I really don’t like being reminded that you know that.”

Heeseung stares at them helplessly. “Uhhhh….”

“I’m sorry.” Soobin says. “We shouldn’t be doing this here on your birthday.” He shakes his head firmly. “This is rude of us.”

“No, it’s fine.” Heeseung waives his hand. “I understand what Beomgyu was trying to say about me. But I don’t think they realized how it was sounding.”

Beomgyu stares, confused, at Heeseung. “How what was sounding?”

Heeseung winces. “You were giving off possessive ‘I know him best because I’m his first love vibes’ for a second.” Heeseung glances at Soobin who is nodding. “Which I think I can speak for both Soobin and myself and say it was uncomfortable.” Soobin nods again.

Beomgyu shakes their head. “I didn’t mean it like that.” Then, they look at Soobin. “I really didn’t mean it like that. I just was worried Heeseung was hiding his feelings and I wanted to make sure he wasn’t sacrificing his relationship desires for Jaeyun.”

Soobin’s expression softens a bit. “I get that. I don’t really love the lack of transparency, but we can talk about that later.” Beomgyu nods. Then he offers the remaining pieces of croissant. Soobin goes to pick it up, but Beomgyu slaps his hand away and instead picks up the croissant to feed Soobin. Soobin lets them, though his cheeks are a bit pink.

Heeseung smiles at them. “And, I’m not sacrificing anything.” Heeseung looks directly at Beomgyu. “I do like cuddling and stuff like that, but talking with Jaeyun is honestly such a rush of serotonin that I don’t feel like anything is lacking.”

Beomgyu nods. “But you will let him know if that changes?”

“I will.” Heeseung agrees.

“So you’re whipped.” Yunjin says grabbing bulgogi from the grill.

Sunoo nods. “Big time. He is like a pre-teen with a crush.” Sunoo grabs a piece of kimchi. There aren’t too many good Korean barbeque places near their university, but Heeseung is happy there are at least a couple.

“You both suck.” Heeseung pouts, slurping his japchae.

“It’s cute. And I’m sure he’s the same way.” Yunjin smiles.

“He definitely is.” Sunoo laughs. Heeseung is so curious about how Jaeyun talks about him, but he has refrained from asking Sunoo too many questions.

“That’s good sign, right?” Yunjin takes a sip of her diet coke. “I know you’re going slow, but if he is all crushed out, then that’s a good thing.”

Sunoo nods. “I think it’s only a matter of time before Jake caves. I don’t think he can keep resisting the idea of meeting Heeseung.” He says while eating his rice.

Heeseung frowns. “I don’t want him to feel rushed.” Heeseung looks at them both. “I really am fine waiting.”

“We know that.” Yunjin assures, her tone turning gentle. “And I’m sure he knows that.”

Sunoo nods. “Agreed.” Then his eyes light up and he reaches down to the bag next to his seat. “Anyway, I have a surprise for you.”

Heeseung tries to hide his smile. “Of course, you do.”

Sunoo pulls out a bag with tissue paper and a card tucked into it. “This is from Jake.” Heeseung takes the bag and places it on the empty chair next to him.

“You aren’t going to open it?” Sunoo pouts.

“No, I want to open it when I’m on the phone with Jaeyun.” Heeseung shrugs.

“No fair.” Sunoo says. “I don’t even get to know what it is.”

Yunjin just laughs as Sunoo continues to whine. “I’m surprised you didn’t peak.” She points out. The wait staff delivers some Galbi and Heeesung uses the tongs to put them on the grill.

“I couldn’t without ruining the wrapping.” Sunoo points out, still sulking.

“Enough about me.” Heeseung says after he finishes placing the meat. “How was the girl you went on a date with last month?” Heeseung asks Yunjin.

“Oh, I haven’t updated you!” Yunjin laughs. “But it was wild…

Heeseung gets inside his apartment and kicks off his shoes. Before he calls Jaeyun, he changes into a pair of sweatpants and his favorite tie-dye shirt. Once he is settled in his bed with Jaeyun’s gift next to him, he picks up his phone.

“Hi, birthday boy” Jaeyun answers on the second ring.

“Hi.” Heeseung says. “Sorry it’s a bit later than I planned.” Heeseung frowns. He hadn’t realized how long they had been at dinner until he had looked at his phone and saw it was past 9. He had immediately gotten flustered and said he had to go, which only led to more teasing from Yunjin and Sunoo about Heeseung being whipped.

“It’s okay. For most people, 9:30 isn’t late on a three-day weekend.” Jaeyun laughs. “Besides, it’s your birthday, so you can do whatever you want.”

Heeseung smiles. Then he pulls the gift bag into his lap. “Speaking of. I have your gift here ready to be opened.”

“You didn’t open it with Sunoo?” Jaeyun asks curiously.

Heeseung pouts. “No, I wanted to open it when you were on the phone.”

“Sappy.” Jaeyun giggles. “But also, I’m glad.”

Heeseung shakes his head. “Okay, I’m going to start unwrapping it.” Heeseung places the card to the side so he can read it last. He starts removing the tissue paper and then pulls out a large box. It’s a lego set for one of the spaceships from the Avengers movies. It must have been pretty expensive because these usually run for over $100.

Heeseung struggles to find the right words. “Jaeyun, this is too much.” Heeseung says. “You shouldn’t have.”

“But do you like it?” Jaeyun asks.

“Of course, I do.” Heeseung smiles. “But you shouldn’t have spent all this money on me.” Heeseung doesn’t know Jaeyun’s financial situation, but for a college student, a gift like this would probably make a big dent in someone’s budget.

“As long as you like it, then it was worth it.” Heeseung blushes at that.

“And you say I’m cheesy.” Heeseung jokes. Then, he goes to open the card. Something falls out when he removes the card from the envelope, but flips the card open to read the message first.

Heeseung,
Happy Birthday!

I am pretty terrible at this kind of thing, but I just want to let you know how much I appreciate you. I know I’m asking a lot of you to go at a snail’s pace with me, but you never make me feel like a burden. I can’t believe we have only known each other a month.

I hope you had a wonderful birthday today. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready to be there with you today, but I did want to give you something, so I thought of this polaroid. Hopefully, seeing my face doesn’t change things for you.

Happy Birthday again!

-Jaeyun

Heeseung searches for the item that fell, assuming it’s the polaroid. Sure enough, Heeseung finds face-down on his comforter. He picks it up and flips it over. Heeseung gasps.

It’s a picture of Jaeyun smiling widely, making a heart with his two hands. Jaeyun is truly gorgeous. He has beautiful brown eyes and an infectious heart shaped smile. His hair is black and parted slightly to the side. Heeseung only had a vague image of someone attractive in his mind, but that image doesn’t hold a candle to Jaeyun’s actual beauty.

Heeseung tries to say something, but nothing comes out. “You okay there?” Jaeyun asks, softly.

“You’re stunning.” Heeseung blurts. “Like seriously beautiful.” Jaeyun just giggles. Heeseung tries to picture what it would look like now that he knows what Jaeyun’s face looks like. “I-your letter-thank you, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says quietly. “Your words were really touching.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” Jaeyun says. “I worried about it, but I wanted you to know what I look like.” Jaeyun says. “I don’t know about you. But I try to picture you whenever we talk, and…”

“I do the same. But my mind didn’t do you justice.” Heeseung interrupts. “Sorry about that.” Jaeyun snorts.

“I should send you a pic too, right?” Heeseung asks.

“You don’t have to.” Jaeyun assures.

Heeseung ignores him and starts scrolling through his phone. He doesn’t take too many selfies. But, he has one from last week that he sent Sunoo. Sunoo has been trying to teach him angles and he is making him send different selfies as homework. The one he sent last week was outside, under a tree. Heeseung is wearing a lavender hoodie. He recently died his hair silver, but in the photo it almost looks blue. Still, Sunoo said it was one of his better photos. He sends it to Jaeyun.

“I sent it.” Heeseung says.

The line goes quiet for a minute. Heeseung wonders if Jaeyun put himself on mute.

“So, I was right.” Jaeyun says after a while; it sounds like he’s smirking. “You are a cutie.”

Heeseung laughs. “I don’t think many people think that.”

“How is that possible when you have adorably huge doe eyes?” Jaeyun says softly. “And your cute little smile.” Jaeyun sighs. “I’m melting over here.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Heeseung says, but he can’t hide how relieved he sounds. While he was never worried about himself finding Jaeyun unattractive—he had been worried Jaeyun would find Heeseung unattractive.

“I’m pretty sure that’s you, actually” Jaeyun jokes. “I’m tempted to make this photo my lock screen.”

“It is not lock screen worthy.” Heeseung says, embarrassed. He places the letter and polaroid on his night stand and then sets the Lego box on the floor next to his bed. He likely will trip over it tomorrow when he wakes up, but he will worry about that later.

“Oh, it definitely is.” Jaeyun says. “I already changed it.” Heeseung blushes but before he can object again, Jake says, “So, tell me how your birthday went.”

Heeseung sits back, so he is leaning against his pillow. “Well, it started at the coffee shop with Beomgyu and Soobin…

Chapter Text

[Jake POV]

“Should we talk to him about it?” Jake hears Sunghoon whisper quietly. Though it clearly isn’t quiet enough.

“And say what?” Jay whispers back. “We can’ push him to meet up with the guy.”

Sunghoon clucks his tongue. He sounds like a mom so much that sometimes it gives Jake nightmares. “I just think he is in his own head at this point and he needs to get out of his own way.”

“He needs to go to therapy.” Jay says. Jake barely resists groaning. It’s too early for this.

“He will. He just needs time.” Sunghoon says. “Besides, you still need to tell him that you have the admin meeting scheduled for next Monday.”

“I know. I know.” Jay says. “I wish I could just meet with admin myself. I hate that he has to go through this stuff with them when he never talks about it to anyone.” Jake internally winces. Some of his previous admin visits have gone the opposite of well.

“I don’t think they will make him re-hash everything. Not after what happened after last time.” Sunghoon says.

“I’m frankly glad she got kicked out so quickly.” Jay says. “I think Lily would have punched her if she stayed another day on campus.”

Jake decides he doesn’t want to hear anything further so he makes an exaggerated groan and rubs his eyes. He opens them to see Hoon and Jay staring owlishly from Jay’s bed across the room. “Were you both just watching me sleep?” Jake jokes. “I know Heeseung thinks Hoon’s a vampire, but you don’t have to lean into it so much.”

Hoon and Jay both blink quickly. They are actually the worst liars. Besides Jake. Jake is also a terrible liar. I guess its good he found his people. “We have a meeting with admin next Monday.” Jay blurts out.

“I know. I heard.” Jake sighs.

“You were awake?” Hoon asks, dejected.

“Yes, because you guys can’t whisper for shit.” Jake rolls his eyes. “So, I know about the meeting and also your other…opinions.”

“It’s just cause Halloween is coming up!” Hoon says quickly. “Our Halloween event is on the 28th, so we weren’t sure if you were going to invite Heeseung.”

Jake nods. “I probably will.” He sits up a little rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“And that’s totally valid, take all the time-wait, what?” Jay stops himself mid-sentence. “You probably will?”

Jake nods. “Yeah, it’s one of our biggest parties of the semester.” Jake says. “It would be weird if I didn’t invite him. Especially since Beomgyu, Sunoo, and Yunjin will all be here.”

“You seem very chill about this despite the fact you have very clearly protested against the idea of meeting him for over a month.” Hoon says carefully. Jay nods next to him.

Jake shrugs. “I’m not chill. But I also can’t really do anything about it.” Jake sighs. “What am I supposed to do?” Jake pauses, clearing his throat. “Should I be like: Hi, all your friends will be coming over to my house, but since I am a traumatized freak, I need you to stay at home and twiddle your thumbs while we have fun without you.”

Sunghoon and Jay just look at each other. “Exactly.” Jake says. “So, I will invite him. And I’ll probably freak out for the next two weeks about it, but at least I’ll be in shape.” Jake tries to make light, but he is pretty sure that neither Jay or Hoon fall for it.

“A lot of long gym sessions in your future for sure.” Jay nods. “Is there anything we can do to make this easier for you?” Jay asks. “Do you want us to use the buddy system with you so you don’t have to be alone with him?”

“I’m not five.” Jake pouts. Jake wants to say he can handle himself, but he honestly isn’t sure he will be able to. “But, um, there is one thing you could do.”

“If it looks like I am taking him upstairs, can you stop me?” Jake asks picking a fuzz off his comforter. “I know I won’t be ready for stuff, but um certain parts of me might forget that and then I’ll get up here and probably freak out and…” Jake trails off. “I’d rather not have that be our first meeting.”

Jay and Hoon both nod. It’s a bit creepy because they are unconsciously nodding in unison, but it’s mostly sweet. For as much as his friends suck, they are also the best.

Jake: Our frat has this Halloween thing on the 28.

Heeseung: Ah, I think Sunoo mentioned something about that.

Jake: Yeah, all the frats and the sororities kind of go all out. But we do ours a little differently than the rest.

Heeseung: How so?

Jake: Well, first off, it’s open to all genders, identities and sexualities. But that’s true for all of our parties

Jake: Same with being open to Greek and non-greek life alike.

Jake: But most frats and sororities tend to pair up and do costume parties.

Heeseung: Is yours not a costume party?

Jake: No, it is. It’s just also more than that. Our house has a decent sized front-yard and an even bigger backyard. So we kind of make it festival kind of thing.

Jake: In the front yard, we set up cotton candy, popcorn, hot dogs, pumpkin carving and face painting.

Jake: And in the backyard, we have a haunted house kind of thing.

Heeseung: Ooo that does sound different!

Heeseung: But also really fun

Jake: Yeah, it was kind of a hit last year. We had no idea how it was going to go since it was our first year, but a lot of people showed up. So, we expect the turn out this year to be even better.

Heeseung: I’m sure it’s a lot of planning! I know Sunoo is going so you should bug him if you need help with face painting.

Jake: Oh, he’s already one of the designated painters. Hoon made sure of it lol

Jake: Yunjin will also be there. She’s friends with Minjeong and she’s seeing Ryujin.

Heeseung: I don’t know who Minjeong, is but I’ve heard a little bit about Ryujin.

Jake: Minjeong is friends with Jay and she has been really good about spreading positive things about our frat. We honestly owe her a lot. She’s really helped us out the last two years.

Jake: Ryunjin is friends with one of my best friends, Lily. Lily was in Greek life the last two years but she quit her sorority at the end of last year.

Heeseung: Is that common?

Jake: Definitely not.

Jake: She wants to build a sorority like our frat though. I’m pretty sure Minjeong and Ryunjin want to help her get it started this year.

Heeseung: She totally should. I think the school could use more safe places for people.

Jake: Agreed.

Jake: Soobin and Beomgyu will also be here.

Heeseung: Do you seriously know all my friends?

Jake: They are friends with a couple of the guys in the fraternity. I’m not close with either of them, but they do come to some parties.

Heeseung: Got it. Well, I’m sure I will get to hear all about the party then.

Jake: I am doing a terrible job, but this is me trying to invite you.

Heeseung: Seriously???

Jake: Yes. Please come to the party.

Heeseung: Are you really okay with that?

Heeseung: Or do you just feel pressured because all my friends will be there and you don’t want to feel like an asshole?

Jake: Ugh

Jake: I won’t lie and say I am 100% ready.

Jake: Because if I was, I would have hung out with you on your birthday.

Jake: But I have a little time to gear myself up for this. And I do want you to be there. This event is important to me and you are important to me.

Heeseung: I’ll be there if you want me there.

Heeseung: But I’ll also leave if you want me to leave

Heeseung: What if we make a safe word?

Jake: ???

Heeseung: If at any point, my presence becomes too overwhelming then you can just use a safe word and I’ll dip.

Jake: You shouldn’t have to do that. That’s absurd for me to ask of you.

Heeseung: You didn’t ask me. I offered.

Jake: You’re really something else.

Jake: But honestly, I’ll accept the offer.

Heeseung: Okay, what’s the safe word.

Heeseung: It can’t be something you would say on accident.

Jake: Dandelion?

Heeseung: I like it.

“Absolutely not.” Jake says shaking his head. He picks up the call from Heeseung as he is packing up his bag. Honestly, taking a Friday physics class does sometimes suck.

Jake makes sure his air pods are synched up to the call, so he can put his phone in his pocket. “I agreed to zoom and watch a movie. But I did not agree to watching the Titanic.” Jake says emphatically. “Besides, isn’t that movie like 8 hours long.” Jake shoulders his bag and walks out of class.

“It’s not eight hours.” Heeseung whines. “Besides, you said I could pick the movie.”

“And you seriously want the Titanic?” Jake asks. Before Jake can process Heeseung’s answer he feels someone tap his shoulder. He turns around to see Joongi. Jake freezes.

“What the hell could you possibly want now?” Jake asks. They are standing outside the lecture hall and people are giving them curious glances. Jake is standing with his arms clenched at his sides, but Joongi seems relaxed. He has his arms crossed and is smirking. Joongi’s lips are also moving, but Jake can’t hear anything. Jake takes out one his headphones to hear what Joongi is saying. Jake pinches his thigh, trying to tether himself.

“Chill, Jake.” Joongi makes a motion with his hands like he is trying to calm a wild animal. “I just wanted to say that I’m glad you thought about my advice.”

Jake blinks at him. “Pardon?” His normal tethering strategy is failing. Sitting in class is one thing, but Jake doesn’t like the lack of control he has in this situation. Joongi is blocking his way down the stairs and people are still looking at them. His palms feel sweaty.

“I heard that you and Jay are going to admin on Monday.” Joongi says. “I think you guys made the right call.”

Jake blinks again. What the fuck is going on. “Who told you that?” Jake asks stupidly. He is starting to feel a bit lightheaded.

Joongi shrugs. “I have sources.”

“No, seriously. Who?” Jake repeats.

Joongi gives a fake laugh. “One of my friends was dropping a class when Jay walked into the office the other day to make an appointment.”

Jake rolls his eyes, trying to ignore how unstable he feels right now. “Okay. Well, we’re done here then.”

Joongi doesn’t move out of his way. “You are going to tell them that we should be allowed back into Greek life, right?” Joongi raises his eyebrows.

“I am not actually. We are meeting about something else.” Jake says. His hands are trembling, so he puts them in his pocket. “Believe it or not, the whole world doesn’t actually revolve around you.”

“I hope you’re fucking with me right now.” Joongi drops his smirk. “Cause if you’re not. I promise you won’t you won’t like what will happen a next.” Jake hates that the threat immediately takes him back to freshman year. If you tell anyone about this, you aren’t going to like what happens next.

Jake takes a deep breath. He can do this. He just has to get away from Joongi, so he can break down. “Threating the guy that you sexually assaulted isn’t really the power move that you think it is.” Jake bites out.

Joongi narrows his eyes. “It was a misunderstanding between two consenting adults that were in a relationship.”

“Whatever you have to tell yourself.” Jake says. He had thought the shock value might allow him to get away, but all it did was cause more repressed memories to resurface. He needs to leave. Now.

Joongi is saying something, but Jake can’t hear anything through the ringing in his ears. He tries to get the ringing to stop, and then hears a different voice in his ear. He realizes it’s Heeseung yelling something on the other end of the phone. Fuck, he forgot to hang up with Heeseung. Fuck. His hand is shaking; he fumbles with his phone until he ends the call.

Joongi is still saying something, but Jake decides to make a break for it. He moves under Joongi’s arm that is blocking his path down the stairs. Then, he walks quickly in the direction of the frat house.

“We aren’t done with this conversation.” Joongi yells after him. Jake stops. He is probably faster than Joongi on a normal day, but he isn’t sure he will be able to run well right now. He doesn’t have much more time to think about it though because he sees Sunghoon walking toward him. Jake is about to say something, but Sunghoon walks right past Jake.

“You’re sure as hell done talking to him actually.” Sunghoon says moving toward Joongi.

Jake still feels floaty, so he can’t make his legs move toward Sunghoon to get him to stop. Instead, he just lets out a pathetic, “Hoon, help,” before he passes out.

“I promise I will call you as soon as he wakes up.” Jake can hear Sunghoon’s voice. “I know. I promise.”

Jake keeps his eyes shut. His head feels like shit. It feels like he’s in his bed, but honestly, he isn’t sure. “Is he going to be okay?” The voice sounds like Sunoo.

“I think he will be fine.” That’s Jay. Jake can recognize it.

Well, the gang is all here, he supposes. Jake better face the music. He opens one eye to see a very concerned Hoon staring down at him. “Jesus. I’m not dead.” Jake mumbles.

“Oh, thank god.” Sunghoon sighs, falling backwards into Jay. “I mean I didn’t think you were dead. But I also was afraid you would be out for a few more hours.”

Jake sighs, opening his other eye. Sunoo is sitting on Jay’s bed, his eyes wide. Jay is holding Sunghoon, who looks like he is about to cry.

“I’m fine.” Jake says waiving his hand. “I don’t think I had enough to eat today. Got a bit dizzy in class.”

“Jake…” Sunoo trails off.

“I won’t do that again. I’m sorry I worried you all.” Jake cuts him off. “Thank you for coming to find me, Hoon.”

“Jake, we have to talk about it a little.” Jay says, softly. “Especially since we will need to bring it up at the admin meeting.”

“I don’t want to go to that anymore.” Jake shrugs.

“We are not letting that shithead get away with what he said to you today.” Sunghoon says, icily.

“Jake, if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. But I am still going to go and I am still going to advocate for a restraining order against him.” Jay says.

“Perfect. Looks like you’ve got it covered.” Jake says shortly. “So that’s that. All good.”

“Not all good.” Sunghoon says. “Not all good at all.”

“Hoon, let him have the night to calm down.” Sunoo says from the corner of the room. “He doesn’t want to talk about it right now.”

“I can see that, Sunoo.” Sunghoon says. He hates the feeling that he’s let his friends down. “I’m sorry. I should have been stronger today.”

“What? No.” Sunghoon shakes his head. “Do you think I am mad that you fainted?”

Jake shrugs. “Jake, no one is mad at you.” Jay says. “We are worried because by repressing this stuff, we think it’s doing you more harm than helping. But we aren’t mad at you.”

“I’m usually much better at compartmentalizing. I just couldn’t do it today.” Jake says. “I will try harder.”

“Jake, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Sunoo says, moving closer. “Look, I know I am not really in on all the details here. And I’m not asking for them either.” Sunoo cuts Jake off before he can say anything.

“But, we are here to support you.” Sunoo points at Jay and Hoon. “They worry about you because they care. And it is hard to see you keep these things to yourself because they want to help you.” Sunoo looks at Jake softly. “But you don’t have to talk about what happened today. We won’t push.” Sunoo glares at Jay and Hoon.

Jay surrenders. Hoon looks at Jake. For a second, he thinks Hoon will disagree, but then his shoulders slump and he says, “Okay. No pushing.”

After a few minutes of silence, Sunoo says, “someone should call Heeseung, so he can stop freaking out.” Jake’s breathing speeds up. Fuck. Heeseung. Heeseung had heard the whole thing. Jake’s head starts to feel dizzy again.

“Jake, calm down.” Jay says coming up next to him. He looks over at Hoon and points to the door. Jake isn’t an idiot. Clearly, Hoon is going to go outside to call Heeseung. “Heeseung isn’t mad at you either.” Jay says. “If you don’t believe me, then check your text messages.” Jay says, handing Jake his phone.

Heeseung: Jake, are you okay? Did the call disconnect?

Heeseung: You should know that Sunghoon is already on his way.

Heeseung: Okay, Sunoo told me you fainted.

Heeseung: Feel free to text me when you wake up. We don’t have to mention this at all.

Jake breathes a sigh of relief. Of course, Heeseung won’t make him talk about this. Because Heeseung is honestly way too good for Jake.

Jake: I don’t have it in me to call you right now. But I’m awake.

Heeseung: I understand completely.

Heeseung: If you didn’t want to watch Titanic that badly, you should have just said so. No need to faint on me to get out of it :P

Jake: You’re hilarious.

Jake: Is that really your favorite romance movie?

Heeseung: It’s one of them.

Heeseung: What’s your favorite movie?

Jake: I’m not sure if I have one. I’m not really a big movie guy.

Heeseung: Hmm we need to find your favorite genre first then.

Jake: If it means spending more time with you, then I’m game.

Heeseung: Cheesy.

Jake: Maybe a little.

Jake: And thank you. For everything today.

Heeseung: Please don’t thank me for being kind to you. My rage instincts have been tested today.

Jake: Uh-oh. Angry hamster.

Heeseung: Rawr.

Jake: Cute

Heeseung: No, you.

“Are you sure you want to go to this today?” Jay asks him for the hundredth time since breakfast. Jake rolls his eyes.

“I’m sure. Besides we are already here.” Jake points at the waiting room they are sitting in.

“Yes, but you can leave if you want.” Jay says. “If you think it’s too much right now.”

“Like I said on Sunday, I don’t want to let the fear control me.” Jake says more confidently than he actually feels. “He shouldn’t get away with being a dick just because I am afraid of the repercussions.”

“There will be no repercussions to you. I will make sure of it.” Jay says darkly.

“I don’t have to remind you that murder is a crime, right?” Jake jokes.

“I’m not going to murder anyone.” Jay says dismissively. Before Jay can explain himself, the assistant at the front desk calls their name and tells them they can head back to the administrator’s office.

The halls of the office are decorated with various achievements, resources, and encouraging mottos. Jake sees one that says, Be the brightest light in your life and smiles a little. It reminds him of the mottos they put up near the drinks at their parties. Maybe, he will borrow this one.

They reach the office and she tells them to come in. Ms. Macintyre has been at the school for twenty years. She is a bit grumpy, but she was also instrumental in helping Jay and Jake freshman year. She really pushed for them to meet with the deans and Jake knows that most administrators were unhappy with her for it. Apparently, such a big spectacle was bad publicity for the school.

The other administrators' disdain for Ms. Macintyre only grew after last year when she pushed for Jay and Jake to have another meeting that led to the expulsion of a sorority president and honors student. Apparently, Carrie had been a fan favorite of the other admins. And Jake has no trouble believing that.

“Oh lord. What now?” Ms. Macintyre sighs.

“How do you know it’s something bad?” Jay asks sitting down immediately. “We could just be stopping by to say hello.”

“Are you?” She says narrowing her gaze.

“Nope.” Jay says, blithely. “We have a problem.”

“Of course, you do.” She sighs. “Well, let’s hear it then.” Jake sits down in the other chair.

“You remember how we came to an agreement regarding ten students that were involved in the filming incident our freshman year.” Jay cuts to the chase.

“I believe we came to an agreement because there was no evidence that those ten had ever participated in the filming.” Ms. Macintyre nods.

“Nine.” Jake says, shakily. “There was no evidence that nine of them had even participated in the filming.”

She nods. “Right. Nine then.”

“And, it’s the one who we did have evidence for that we are here about today.” Jay says.

“Jay, we’ve been over this.” Ms. Macintyre sighs. “I believe Jaeyun. I always have. But since he and Mr. Kim were in a romantic relationship, the deans found the evidence was inconclusive.”

Jaeyun bristles at that. He dislikes remembering the deans’ verdict. It was so clear that they didn’t believe him at all. Then with Carrie, they seemed to be even more distrusting. She only got kicked out because the evidence of her wrongdoing was overwhelming.

“I know that. But they did offer a restraining order. They said campus police could enforce a restraining order and that administration could ensure the two never shared class again.” Jay says.

“And, I believe Mr. Sim rejected that offer.” Ms. Macintyre nods at Jake.

“I would like to accept it now.” Jake says quickly.

“Has something happened?” Ms. Macintyre frowns.

“Yes.” Jay nods. “Joongi is taking Jake’s class and has threatened him on two separate occasions.”

Ms. Macintyre moves her glasses down her nose. “Is this true, Jaeyun?”

“Yes.” Jake says quietly.

Ms. Macintyre sighs. “I am assuming that this will be your word versus his word?”

“Actually, no.” Jake says. Jay turns to look at him sharply. ‘no’ he mouths questioningly.

“You have proof?” Ms. Macintyre asks neutrally.

“I do. I had been on the phone with a friend the second time it happened.” Jake admits.

On Saturday morning, Heeseung had sent him a text saying that they didn’t ever have to talk about it, but he wanted to share one thing with Jake in case it had helped. Jake told him to go ahead, so Heeseung admitted that because he had gotten a bad vibe from Joongi almost immediately, he had pressed screen record on the call near the start of the conversation. He told Jake that he would send him the recording and then would delete it from his phone after sending.

The voices sound a bit distant since the mic was Jake’s headphones, but still, you can hear Joongi threaten Jake. Jake gives his phone to Jay. “I will let Jay play the recording for you. I’ll go wait outside until after it’s done.” He says getting up from the chair. He hasn’t listened to it since Heeseung sent it.

Jake walks back down the hallway to where the encouraging mottos are. He sees there are a couple of pictures too. There’s one picture of Ms. Macintyre, but it’s probably ten years old. She is standing on the stage with a microphone, wearing a survivor button. The banner behind her says. “Shout out against abuse!” It’s a kickass picture, honestly.

He reaches for his phone to take a picture for Heeseung, but then he remembers that Jay has it. He makes a mental note to take a photo on his way out. After a few more minutes of looking at the photos, Jay sticks his head out of Ms. Macintyre’s office, indicating it’s okay to come back in.

“Well, I don’t think your friend is going to win any film school awards any time soon, Jaeyun.” Ms. Macintyre smirks. “But I do think that is enough evidence for us to go ahead and proceed with a restraining order.”

“Do we need to meet with the deans again?” Jake asks.

“Nope. Since it’s not a suspension or an expulsion, there will be no disciplinary hearing.” She says. “Instead, I have forwarded them the recording, and told them to sign an approval for a campus police restraining order.” She smiles. “I have also been given full clearance to make sure you and Mr. Kim’s schedules no longer overlap.”

Jake looks at her a bit confused. “Well, there is another Physics lecture section that Mr. Kim could take.” She hums. “It’s at 8 AM on Monday and Wednesday mornings.”

Jake laughs. “Ah, I see.”

“I will go ahead and email him his new schedule tomorrow morning,” she says. “But word to the wise, Mr. Kim does have priority for classes next semester.” She pushes her glasses up higher on her face. “Since it’s his last semester, he will select first.”

“If you get a message saying you cannot enroll in a course that you are otherwise qualified for, it is likely because Mr. Kim will have already selected it.” Jake nods, showing he understands.

“Thank you, Ms. Macintyre.” Jake says sincerely.

“My pleasure.” She winks. “Now, get out of my office.” She waives her hand at them.

Jay and Jake get up quickly and hurry out of the office. Jake almost forgets to take a picture for Heeseung, but he remembers just as their passing by the board. Jake snaps a quick photo with his phone and hits send.

Heeseung: She looks like she could kick my ass.

Jake: Ms. Macintyre is no joke.

Jake: But she’s been in my corner since freshman year.

Heeseung: Then, I love her.

Heeseung: Also, it’s not the point of the photo, but ‘Shout out’ would make a killer song title.

Jake: Ooo did I get your producer creative juices flowing.

Heeseung: I won’t lie. You kind of did.

Jake: You better credit me when you’re famous.

Heeseung: You’re ridiculous.

Jake: So, I know we couldn’t do a movie over zoom this weekend like we planned, but maybe we could facetime now?

Heeseung: Isn’t it almost your bedtime?

Jake: It is. But we could still talk for a couple minutes like we do on the phone. Except it would be over facetime.

Heeseung: Are you sure you’re okay with that?

Jake smiles and presses the video call button. Heeseung picks up and Jake has to choke on his gasp. Sure, he’s seen a couple of selfies. But this is Heeseung in his natural state. His silver hair is wet—he probably just got out of the shower. He is wearing a black t-shirt with holes in the collar.

“Wow. You’re really pretty.” Jake says, stupidly. Heeseung blushes at that and Jake is kind of obsessed with it. He wants to make Heeseung blush again.

“Do you own a mirror?” Heeseung asks, shyly.

“Cute.” Jake coos. Heeseung blushes again. He also has a really soft smile. Jake could get lost in it.

“Stop being cheesy or I’ll hang up.” Heeseung pouts.

“Okay, okay.” Jake raises his hands in surrender. He adjusts himself so he is laying against the pillows on his bed. It looks like Heeseung is in a gaming chair, which makes sense since it’s only 9:45.

“Tell me about your day.” Heeseung asks. It’s so earnest that Jake almost wants to cry. Heeseung’s gentleness is probably the thing Jake finds the most attractive about him.

“I’m a little sick of talking about me today. Can you tell me about yours instead?” Jake asks. Heeseung nods and gives him another small smile.

“Well, first I got mistaken for a butch lesbian again…” Heeseung starts.

Heeseung: I knew you would fall asleep, you silly goof.

Heeseung: Sweet dreams, Jaeyun <3

Chapter Text

[Heeseung POV]

“I don’t understand why we are here on a Thursday at 10 AM.” Heeseung yawns as he follows Sunoo towards the back of the store.

“I told you.” Sunoo says, exasperation evident. “You need a costume that is cute since it’s your first time meeting Jake.”

Heeseung yawns again as they make their way to the costume section. “Jaeyun knows what I look like. If it was a dealbreaker, then I am sure he would have said something.”

“Jake thinks your gorgeous.” Sunoo admits. “But still, don’t you want surprise him a little for your first meeting?”

Heeseung shakes his head. “No actually. I would prefer for there not to be any surprises.” Heeseung says quietly.

Sunoo’s gaze softens. “He’s okay, you know.” Sunoo says. “I know we haven’t really talked about last Friday too much, but he’s doing okay.”

Heeseung nods. “I know that.” Heeseung does know that. Jaeyun has been perfectly fine on their calls this week. Heeseung can sense that Jaeyun would prefer to just forget it ever happened, so he’s trying his best to go along with that. “And honestly, I’m so grateful you and Sunghoon were grabbing lunch on campus near the physics building that day.”

Sunoo looks down at his painted nails. They are a neon pink with yellow flowers. “Uh, well that wasn’t exactly a coincidence.”

“What do you mean?” Heeseung asks.

“Once Jay heard that Joongi was taking Jake’s class, he told Hoon that someone needed to be near the physics building on Friday afternoons just in case.” Sunoo looks at Heeseung guiltily. “So, Hoon and I decided we would start having weekly lunches nearby.”

Heeseung nods. “Well, I am grateful to Jay then too.”

Sunoo smiles. “So, costume?” Sunoo says gesturing toward the wall of costumes.

“I’m not wearing anything too slutty.” Heeseung sighs. “Or anything that would make going to the bathroom exceedingly difficult.”

Sunoo laughs but nods. He scans that wall and then claps when he sees something. “Oh, it’s perfect.” Sunoo points at a costume in the corner.

The title says sexy cowboy and it’s clearly inspired by Woody from Toy Story. There is a pair of brown pointed boots, skinny jeans, an empty tan gun holster, a tan belt with a large gold buckle, a cow printed vest, a cowboy hat, and a red bandana. There is noticeably no yellow shirt. “It’s missing a shirt.” Heeseung points out.

“I think the vest is the shirt.” Sunoo says smirking.

“Nope.” Heeseung shakes his head. “Absolutely not.”

“Okay, what if we buy you a yellow frat tank to go underneath the vest?” Sunoo asks. Heeseung thinks about it. He doesn’t mind showing his arms. And the rest of the costume isn’t too bad. Plus, he really does like Toy Story.

“I would wear it if I could wear a tank underneath.” Heeseung nods.

“Excellent.” Sunoo smiles. “See? You thought this would be painful.”

“It is painful.” Heeseung corrects. “I’m up before noon.”

Heeseung: How’s set up going today?

Jaeyun: Exhausting. I’ve been running around since 7 AM. I’m actually grateful to go to class and have a break for a little while.

Heeseung: You’re working so hard.

Heeseung: I’m sure it’s going to be amazing.

Jaeyun: Even if it isn’t, will you lie and tell me it was great?

Heeseung: I am positive I won’t have to do that.

Jaeyun: How was your day yesterday? Sorry I fell asleep before I could give you a call.

Heeseung: I actually was up at the crack of dawn :(

Jaeyun: So, before noon?

Heeseung: 10 AM! It was so early. I think the birds were chirping.

Jaeyun: I’m sure they were, dear.

Heeseung: It was so bright. Too bright.

Jaeyun: Anything you say, dear.

Heeseung: Are you making light of my predicament? I was forced to rise at an unnatural hour. This is serious.

Jaeyun: Super serious. Who tortured you in such a terrible manner?

Heeseung: Sunoo. He took me Halloween costume shopping.

Jaeyun: Ooo what did you end up getting?

Heeseung: Not telling!

Jaeyun sends a selfie of him pouting. Heeseung stares at the picture. Jaeyun’s pout is legendary. He has a really large bottom lip and the best puppy dog expression that Heeseung has ever seen. He wonders if Jaeyun knows that he has Heeseung in the palm of his hand.

Heeseung: You don’t fight fair.

Jaeyun: I don’t know what you mean ;)

Jaeyun: But you don’t actually have to tell me. I am looking forward to being surprised tomorrow.

Heeseung: Are you nervous?

Jaeyun: Are you?

Heeseung: I asked you first.

Jaeyun: I am pretty nervous. But I am also kind of excited?

Jaeyun: I feel like the facetiming helped.

Heeseung: I’m also a little nervous. But I’m mostly excited.

Heeseung: If I go in for a hug, would that weird you out?

Jaeyun: LOL. No. If you tried to give me a handshake, I think I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing. Please give me a hug :)

Heeseung: Yeah, the handshake would be weird. I was thinking bro fist bump?

Jaeyun: Absolutely not lol

Jaeyun: I bet you give great hugs.

Heeseung: Well, I guess you’re going to find out.

Jaeyun: Can’t wait!

“Is doing my makeup really necessary?” Heeseung asks Sunoo. He’s working on giving Heeseung a light smoky eye. Yunjin is sitting on his bed texting Ryujin. The three of them are going to head to the party a bit early so they can help with last minute setup. Also, Jaeyun said he would rather meet Heeseung when there was less of an audience in case he freaks out and needs to run upstairs.

“Yes. Stop complaining.” Sunoo rolls his eyes. “Is Ryujin excited for the haunted house?” Sunoo asks Yunjin.

“Oh yeah, she’s thrilled.” Yunjin smiles. “It looks like it will be me, her, Lily, Nicholas, Taehyun, Kai, Keeho, Jake’s little, and a pledge that are the actors for the evening.”

“How big is the haunted house?” Heeseung asks.

“Oh, it’s small” Yunjin says. “We are doing shifts so no one has to miss the party completely.”

“Are you and Ryujin the same shift?” Sunoo asks, patting Heeseung’s face with some powder.

“Unfortunately, no.” Yunjin pouts. “I’m with Kai and the pledge.” Yunjin says. “I think his name is Ni-ki?”

“Ah, that’s one of Jake’s prospective grand littles.” Heeseung smiles. “Apparently, they play soccer together all the time.” Jake has told Heeseung about the big/little mentorship aspect of the fraternity. He and Jay got rid of the hazing for pledges and instead they make the pledges attend skill developing workshops.

“Oh, I’ve heard about him from Taki.” Sunoo says. “They are friends from back home. Both wicked smart, too.” Sunoo hums. “Who is Ryujin with?” Sunoo asks.

“Jungwon and Keeho.” She smiles. “I would put money on that being the scariest trio actually.”

Sunoo shivers. “Jungwon is lowkey terrifying.”

“I’m excited to meet him.” Heeseung smiles. “I’ve heard so much about him through Jaeyun. He sounds so adorable.”

“In Jake’s eyes, Jungwon is an adorable kitten.” Sunoo says. “But he is more like a mountain lion that looks like a kitten. Seriously, don’t let his boba eyes fool you. He could kick any of our asses.” Sunoo sprays Heeseung’s face with setting spray. “It is why we have resolutely told him very little about certain events this month.”

Heeseung nods. “Noted.”

“I think my work is complete.” Sunoo says smiling at Heeseung. “You look even better than when you were my boy toy.”

Yunjin gets off the bed to give Heeseung a look. She whistles in approval. “Jake is not going to know what to do with himself.”

Heeseung bites his lip. “Is it too much?” he asks, hesitantly.

“No.” Sunoo shakes his head. “It’s still pretty subtle. I promise it’s not too drastic.” Sunoo grabs his phone and switches the camera to selfie mode, so Heeseung can see. Sunoo is right—of course. The makeup is very light. The charcoal in the corner of his eyes brings out the silver in his hair, but it isn’t anything too bold.

“Okay.” Heeseung nods. “Let’s get dressed.”

Heeseung’s palms are sweating. He had thought he was mostly calm today but now that he’s standing across the street from Jake’s frat house, he is fucking sweating. It’s funny to think how different he felt last time he was standing in front of this frat house.

“You okay?” Sunoo asks, giving him a sideways glance.

“Not sure.” Heeseung says honestly.

“Should we head inside?” Sunoo asks.

“Yeah…” Heeseung trails off. Though he doesn’t move forward. Sunoo looks at him and then at Yunjin.

“Should we tell Jake that you are out here?” Sunoo asks. Heeseung immediately shakes his head.

“No. I don’t want to make him more nervous.” Heeseung takes a deep breath. “Let’s do this.” Heeseung walks toward the frat house. It’s only 4 pm, so there are a bunch of people setting up the front yard. Jake said people won’t start showing up until 8 PM, but Heeseung knows he has to do a lot to get everything ready.

They walk past a few people setting up the tables for face painting and pumpkin carving. Sunoo waives at them. Apparently, Sunoo knows every single person on campus. They get inside the frat house and see Sunghoon standing in the middle of the living room awkwardly.

“Hi…” He trails off. Yunjin, Sunoo, and Heeseung just stare at him. “So…Jake is in his room…Jay is up there trying to convince him to come downstairs.”

Heeseung nods. Sunoo and Yujin look at each other. “Can we help with anything?” Sunoo asks. “Preferably a task outside.”

Hoon nods. “Yeah, Ryunjin probably needs some help setting up the haunted house out back.” Hoon says pointing toward the backyard with his thumb. Heeseung grabs his phone out of his pocket.

Heeseung: No pressure, but I’m downstairs.

Heeseung: But I won’t ask any questions if you need to safe word.

Jaeyun: Who else is down there?

Heeseung: It’s just Hoon and I.

Jaeyun: Can you tell Hoon to go somewhere else?

“Sunghoon, do you uh, mind leaving the living room for a few minutes?” Heeseung asks awkwardly, pointing to his phone. Sunghoon blinks for a second, but then understands the request.

“I will go make sure the pledges haven’t broken anything in the front yard.”

Heeseung: He went out to the front yard.

Jaeyun: Okay. Wow, I am really pathetic.

Heeseung: Please don’t say that. You’re really not.

Heeseung: It took me 20 minutes to cross the street.

Jaeyun: It did?

Heeseung: It did. Apparently, I’m more nervous than I thought.

Jaeyun: Relatable.

Heeseung hears a door upstairs open. He supposes it could be anybody, but he tucks his phone in his pocket just in case. He wonders if he should sit, so it doesn’t look like he’s just waiting and watching the stairwell. Before he can think too much more about it, he sees Jaeyun come around the corner of the staircase.

And Wow.

Pictures don’t do Jaeyun justice.

It seems ridiculous because Heeseung thought he looked gorgeous in those pictures. But Jaeyun’s beauty can’t be captured by the camera fully. He has stopped moving and is just staring at Heeseung from where he’s standing on the stairs. He’s clearly nervous; his body is shaking. He is also pinching his left thigh.

Heeseung is also surprised by how small Jaeyun is. When he talks to Jaeyun, his energy is almost larger than life, so he had somehow assumed he and Jaeyun were around the same height. But, Heeseung has at least a good six inches on him.

Heeseung isn’t sure what to do, so he gives a half waive. “Hi.”

Jaeyun nods to himself, closes his eyes, and starts walking down the stairs again. Heeseung tries not to make any sudden movements. He feels like a small woodland creature is approaching him. Though Jaeyun would probably hate that comparison.

Jaeyun is in front of him now, but his eyes are still closed. He hasn’t let go of his left thigh either. Heeseung debates with himself for a second before saying. “I’m going to reach out my hand and touch your arm, so you know where I am.”

Jaeyun just nods. Heeseung steps closer and taps the elbow of Jaeyun’s arm that is not pinching his thigh. He holds onto Jaeyun’s elbow for a second before Jaeyun surprises him. Jaeyun moves his arm to grab Heeseung’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Heeseung gives the hand a squeeze. Jaeyun squeezes back.

They stand like that for a few seconds before Jaeyun opens his eyes. “Hi.” He says, weakly.

“Hi.” Heeseung smiles softly. Jaeyun glances at Heeseung’s outfit and gives a shaky smile. He gives Heeseung’s hand another squeeze.

“I like your costume.” Jaeyun nods. “It suits you.” Jaeyun nods toward the backyard. “I didn’t know what to expect when you said Sunoo picked it out.”

Heeseung laughs. “That’s fair.” Heeseung looks at what Jaeyun ‘s outfit. He’s wearing black basketball shorts and long sleeve white t-shirt. Heeseung assumes he hasn’t changed into his costume yet, but doesn’t want to offend him.

“I am going to change later.” Jaeyun says nodding at his outfit. “I figure I’ll still have to run around a lot for the next few hours.”

“Makes sense.” Heeseung nods. “Just tell me where to report to duty.” Heeseung imitates a military salute and then immediately winces.

Jaeyun snorts. “Cute.” Heeseung blushes immediately. Jaeyun has that effect on him in person as well apparently. Heeseung ducks his head so he can look at the floor.

“I think I can take that hug now.” Jaeyun says softly.

Heeseung whips his head up at that. Jaeyun is no longer gripping his left thigh and the shaking has definitely lessened. Heeseung still moves very slowly. He drops Jaeyun’s hand, so he can grab Jaeyun’s waist with both of his hands. He pauses for a second before pulling Jaeyun in close. Jaeyun hesitates briefly but then he sneaks his arms underneath Heeseung’s arms and wraps them around Heeseung’s back. Then, he surprises Heeseung, resting his head on Heeseung’s shoulder.

Heeseung isn’t sure how long they stand like that. It’s probably only a couple of minutes, but time kind of slows. Hugging Jaeyun feels surreal. He can smell the ocean scented cologne that Jaeyun must have put on today. He can feel how tiny Jaeyun is in his grip. How perfectly Jaeyun fits against him. It’s a bit of a sensory overload if he’s honest.

After what feels like a half hour, Jaeyun lifts his head off Heeseung’s shoulder and looks up at him with a slight pout. “I knew you would be a great hugger.” Heeseung just laughs.

“I’m glad I lived up to expectations.” Heeseung jokes.

“You surpassed them actually.” Jaeyun says genuinely. He pats Heeseung’s back a couple of times.

“Guys, this is very sweet. But Jungwon and I would like to come downstairs because we have shit to do. Are people allowed to enter the living room again?” Heeseung hears a voice from upstairs call. It sounds like Jay even though Heeseung has never actually met Jay.

Jaeyun giggles and then releases himself from Heeseung’s embrace. Heeseung tries not to sulk at the loss, but he can tell from Jaeyun’s smirk that he has failed. Jaeyun laces their hands together and gives Heeseung’s hand a squeeze. Heeseung thinks he might already be addicted to Jaeyun’s hands. They are veiny but he has very dainty wrists. Heeseung didn’t ever think hands did anything special for him, but apparently, he has been wrong. Jaeyun’s hands are practically poetry.

“Come on down.” Jaeyun calls. “We are done being cheesy.”

“I sincerely doubt that.” Jay mutters, but soon he rounds the corner of the stairs. Jay has very sharp facial features. If he didn’t know how soft the man is, Heeseung might be intimidated by his appearance. Unfortunately, Heeseung’s first introduction to Jay was learning that he had placed cum-filled underwear in Jaeyun’s drawer, so there is nothing intimidating about him now.

Next to Jay is a guy with adorably round eyes. Jungwon obviously. He does look a lot like a kitten. He is standing a little bit behind Jay, staring apprehensively at Heeseung.

“Heeseung, this is Jay and Jungwon.” Jaeyun gestures toward the stairs. “Jay and Jungwon, this is Heeseung.”

Jay gives a soft smile before saying, “It’s nice to finally meet you, man.” He walks up to Heeseung giving him a slap on the back. Heeseung isn’t sure is he’s supposed to let go of Jaeyun’s hand and he can’t actually bring himself to do that, so he just makes a bro fist for Jay with his other hand. Jaeyun snorts.

Jungwon just gives him a waive from where he’s standing behind Jay. “Hi,” he says neutrally.

Heeseung waives back.

“Okay, so now that we have had your horribly melodramatic meltdown. Can we please get back to setting up?” Jay glares a Jaeyun. Jaeyun just rolls his eyes. But then he nods.

“I have to go help set up.” Jaeyun pouts. Heeseung is aware that means letting go of Jaeyun’s hand, but he still can’t bring himself to do that. “I might need both hands to do that.” Jaeyun says swinging their hands back and forth.

Heeseung nods, still not letting go. Jaeyun exaggerates his pout and blinks cutely at Heeseung. Jay makes a gagging sound. “I can’t take this.” He grabs Jaeyun’s other hand and pulls him away from Heeseung. “He will see you later.” Jay calls back to Heeseung. “You can help Jungwon set up the dance floor and decorations.

Heeseung nods at Jungwon. Jungwon waits for the front door to slam, marking Jay and Jayun’s exit. Then he says, “I will kill you if you hurt him.” His face is completely blank. “Seriously. No one will ever find you.”

Heeseung gulps and nods. “Understood.”

Jungwon shifts his expression into a bright smile. “Great, let’s start decorating then.”

Heeseung didn’t think anything was more terrifying that Kim Sunoo’s duality, but Sunoo had been right. Jungwon is a fucking scary kitty.

“So, the graphics of the game are kind of shit, but honestly, the plot makes it worth it.” Ni-ki tells Heeseung as they are carving pumpkins outside. Jaeyun was right that people would start showing up at 8. It’s 9 now and the house is definitely bustling. Jaeyun has been running around since 4, which probably explains how Heeseung never saw him at the last frat party. He’s only had a couple of brief conversations with Jaeyun, but he keeps getting pulled away. Heeseung had been talking to Sunghoon for a while, but he then decided to get some fresh air and then got wrangled into pumpkin carving by Jay.

Heeseung is kind of grateful though because Ni-ki seems like a hardcore gamer and talking to him feels immediately comfortable.

“My friend keeps saying the same exact thing.” Heeseung laughs. “I’m sure he’s going to make me try it one of these days.” Heeseung says. “Right now, we’ve been obsessed with Diablo.”

Ni-ki gives him an odd look and sets down his carving knife. “You’ve got to be shitting me.” Ni-ki looks at Heeseung carefully. “Do you go by Bambi because you look like a fucking deer?”

Heeseung gapes. “Soccerkid?” Ni-ki just starts laughing. Heeseung stares at him. For months he’s been playing with a 17-year-old freshman. Apparently the same 17-year-old freshman that Jaeyun has basically adopted. “I don’t think your username is much better.” Heeseung huffs.

Ni-ki gets his laughter under control. “Wow, this is so funny.” Ni-ki says. “What are the odds that two of your anonymous friends were friends with each other.” Heeseung snorts at that. It is a bit wild how much Heeseung and Jaeyun’s universes have already been intertwined.

“Honestly, I’m glad I know your name now.” Ni-ki admits. “Whenever I talk about you, I think people secretly think I am a furry.”

Heeseung laughs at that, dropping his carving knife. “Soccerkid doesn’t really roll off the tongue either.” Heeseung says. “But you really are a kid, so I guess that makes sense.” Heeseung jokes.

“I’ll be 18 in less than two months.” Ni-ki sulks.

Heeseung raises his hands defensively. Then, he picks back up the carving tools. Heeseung is going for something basic, but honestly his isn’t very good. He takes a peak at Ni-ki’s and is shocked. “Holy shit,” Heeseung says. “Why is yours so good?”

“Cause I’m a graphic design major?” Ni-ki shrugs.

“You are?” Heeseung asks.

“Yeah. I’ve been drawing ever since I was a little kid.” Ni-ki says. “I find it relaxing. And I don’t have to deal with people.”

“That’s kind of how I feel about producing.” Heeseung nods. The two keep working on their pumpkins for a few minutes, but Heeseung gets distracted when he spots Jaeyun across the lawn.

Jaeyun is talking to some girl—with bubble gum pink hair—and he’s clutching his stomach laughing. Jaeyun’s costume is simple but effective. He is wearing fitted black slacks, a cropped white button up, a Ravenclaw tie, and a waist chain that pretty much drove Heeseung crazy when he first saw it tonight. He also has a prop wand that he says he got from his younger cousin, but Heeseung thinks it’s actually his own.

“You’re whipped really bad.” Ni-ki points out. “Like you just zoned out staring at Jake laughing his guts out.” Ni-ki smirks. “Have you heard his goofy ass laugh? It gets really loud until it just cuts off. It’s not particularly attractive, honestly.”

“It’s my favorite.” Heeseung smiles.

“Gross. You’re gross.” Ni-ki shudders. “He’s just as bad though.”

“He is?” Heeseung turns to face Ni-ki.

“Ugh, yes.” Ni-ki rolls his eyes. “You should hear the way he talks about you to everyone. It’s vomit inducing.”

“How was scaring people?” Heseung asks Yunjin. They are sitting on the couch inside the living room. It’s pushed up against the wall to make room for the dance floor. There’s a decent-sized crowd in here now that it’s past midnight.

“Amazing.” Yunjin says, smiling. “I think Ni-ki was sad our shift was over at midnight.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Heeseung laughs. “But I’m glad the turnout seems really good this year.” Heeseung says looking around.

“Have you gotten to talk to Jake much?” Yunjin elbows him.

Heeseung shakes his head. “A couple times in passing, but he’s been running around all night.”

“Yeah, that’s Jake.” Yunjin nods. “I don’t think he ever sits still at these things. I think he used to love parties, but after last year…I think he is more nervous by them so he keeps himself busy.”

“Hmm.” Heeseung says non-committedly. He’s made a rule that he is going to try to avoid getting details about what happened to Jaeyun unless they com from Jaeyun himself. He has a sneaking feeling Jaeyun’s desire to repress everything stems from a desire to feel in control. So if Heeseung can give him control over the what and when Heeseung learns, then Heeseung will gladly do so.

“Well, I better go find Ryujin. I’m getting tired.” Yunjin winks. Heeseung nods, lifting his cup up to her. He sees Beomgyu and Soobin dancing together on the dance floor. It seems like they have made up from the disagreement on Heeseung’s birthday. Heeseung contemplates getting up to find a snack, but before he can do so, he feels someone sit down next to him.

“Hi.” Jaeyun says, sinking into the couch. Heeseung smiles at him. Jaeyun is still smiling, but his eyes look extremely tired.

“It’s past your bedtime.” Heeseung points out, reaching for Jaeyun’s hand that’s closest to him. Jaeyun laces their fingers together and Heeseung moves them so they rest on Heeseung’s thigh.

“I know.” Jaeyun pouts. “I’m getting too old for these.” Heeseung just smiles. Jaeyun rolls his eyes, bumping his shoulder against Heeseung.

“Quit being sappy.” Jaeyun teases. “You know I can't resist you when you're acting cute.”

“I didn’t even say anything.” Heeseung defends himself.

“Your eyes definitely said something.” Jaeyun smiles. “You have really expressive eyes.” Jaeyun starts tracing Heeseung’s palm. Heeseung lays it facing up on his thigh, so Jaeyun has easier access. Jaeyun keeps tracing. “I feel a bit silly for putting this meeting off for so long.”

“Don’t.” Heeseung says sincerely. “I’m glad we waited. There’s no rush.”

Jaeyun nods. “Still, I hope you know that you’ve unleashed a monster.” Jaeyun giggles. “Now, I’m going want to spend so much time with you that you’re going to get sick of me.”

Heeseung chuckles. “I don’t think it’s possible for me to be sick of you.” Jaeyun grabs Heeseung’s arm and moves it around Jaeyun’s shoulder. Then, Jaeyun snuggles into Heeseung’s side, resting his head on Heeseung’s chest.

“Has anyone ever told you that you smell like cotton candy?” Jaeyun asks, sniffing Heeseung’s shirt. It reminds him of a puppy sniffing a patch of grass.

Heeseung laughs. “I can’t say that anyone has, no.” Heeseung thinks back to how Beomgyu described Heseung’s scent. He isn’t actually sure Beomgyu ever commented on it.

“Well, you do.” Jaeyun nods. “Very sweet. Very comforting.” Jaeyun nuzzles his chest. Heseeung gives Jaeyun’s should a gentle squeeze and closes his eyes for a few seconds. He just wants to enjoy the moment.

“You smell like the ocean.” Heeseung comments. “But I think it’s your cologne.”

“It is.” Jaeyun smiles into Heesung’s chest. “I love the smell of the ocean. Or any body of water. Even the smell of chlorine pools.”

“Noted.” Heeseung says. Heeseung starts moving his hand up and down Jaeyun’s shoulder slowly. He wonders if he will fall asleep like this.

“I’m really sorry to interrupt.” Sunghoon approaches them. “I just need Jake’s help paying the food vendors. They are packing up because we only booked them until 1 AM.”

Jaeyun nods into Heeseung’s chest. “Be right there, Hoon.” Sunghoon grimaces, mouthing “sorry” to Heeseung as he walks away.

“You won’t leave without saying goodbye, right?” Jaeyun asks.

Heeseung shakes his head. “Of course, not.” Jaeyun smiles and then starts to sit up. He stretches for a few seconds before hopping up to head outside. “I’ll be back shortly.”

Jaeyun: Thank you again for coming tonight <3

Heeseung: It was my pleasure.

Jaeyun: You’re really someone special.

Heeseung: So are you.

Heeseung: Get some rest, okay? Today must have been exhausting.

Jaeyun: I will. Night, Hee. <3

Heeseung: Does this mean I get to call you Yunnie now?

Jaeyun: -_-

Jaeyun:…but also yes.

Heeseung: Good night, Yunnie <3

Yunnie: <3

Chapter Text

[Jake POV]

Jake: What do you refer to me as?

Heeseung: Jaeyun?

Jake: No like when you talk about me with people.

Heeseung: I have 4 friends…they all know who you are.

Jake: Are you being obstinate on purpose rn?

Heeseung: No? I’m just lost.

Jake: Remember how a while back I told you I wasn’t ready for more.

Heeseung: Yes

Jake: Well, what would more look like to you?

Heeseung: Honestly, probably not much different than how we are now.

Jake: Exactly.

Jake: If we are already doing more, then maybe I don’t need be as afraid of it.

Heeseung: It’s okay if you are though.

Jake: I know. And obviously the physical stuff is still going to have to happen at a slow pace.

Jake: But I think I can admit that we are in a relationship.

Heeseung: If you’re really okay with it. Then, I’m okay with it.

Jake: I am. You’re my boyfriend now. Ha!

Jake: You have to tell people I am your boyfriend.

Heeseung: My 4 friends already kind of know that…So not exactly sure who I would be announcing this to

Jake: Next time someone in class asks you for your number you can say you have a boyfriend.

Heeseung: I have never been asked for my number in class. Literally never.

Jake: Okay, when you pick up takeout for us, you can tell the cashier it’s for a movie date with your boyfriend.

Heeseung: You talk to the cashier when you pick up takeout?

Jake: Small talk while the order is being prepared?

Heeseung: I wait outside by myself until I get a notification that it’s ready.

Jake: Okay, well I am sure there is someone you can tell.

Heeseung: Hey, Jaeyun?

Jake: Yes?

Heeseung: I have a boyfriend.

Jake: -_-

Jake pouts at his phone screen and it immediately lights up with a call from Heeseung.

“What time does my boyfriend want to come over tonight?” Jake can’t help the flush that runs through him when Heeseung says boyfriend.

“Does 6 PM work?” Jake asks. He’s walking to his next class. “I can’t stay up too late, so I want to make sure I leave your place by 10 PM.”

“You can always sleep on my couch if you fall asleep.” Heeseung says softly.

Jake shudders at the idea of falling asleep anywhere else than his room with Jay. “Can’t” Jake says, quickly. Probably too quickly.

“Okay, that’s fine.” Heeseung says reassuringly. “No worries.” Jake relaxes a little.

“I’ll pick up the food before you get here.” Heeseung says.

Jake smiles. “I can’t believe we are going to watch Titanic on Halloween.” Jake shakes his head. “It just doesn’t seem right.”

Heeseung is clearly a romantic.

Jake watches Heeseung react to the movie more than he watches the movie itself. Jake has never been that big into romance movies, but he finds Heeseung’s reactions fascinating. The way his eyes sparkle when the main leads declare their feelings for each other. The way his breath catches when they get separated. The faint blush on his cheeks as he watches Jack and Rose create steam in the carriage truck. Every moment, Heeseung is on the edge of his seat.

When they reach the scene where Jack dies, Heeseung has tears in his eyes. Jake reaches out to him and grabs his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Heeseung squeezes back and with his other arm, he wipes the stray tears that have fallen with the sleeve of his shirt.

Once the movie is over, Heeseung turns to him expectantly. “So?” Jake stares at Heeseung, eyes still glistening and his hair messed up from running his hands through it.

“Beautiful. It was beautiful.” Jake says softly.

“I knew it.” Heeseung smiles. “No one can resist Titanic.”

Jake laughs and scooches closer to Heeseung so he can lean against his shoulder. Heeseung has perfect shoulders and Jake is already addicted to Heeseung’s naturally sweet scent. “I’m glad you let me watch it with you.” Jake says sincerely.

“I’m glad you agreed to watch it with me.” Heeseung says reaching his arm around Jake to pull him closer.

Jake looks up at Heeseung only to see that Heeseung is looking down at him already. Jake doesn’t really have a guidebook for what physical affection he will be able to tolerate. So far nothing with Heeseung has triggered a negative reaction, but nothing had been triggered with Carrie at first either. It wasn’t until things got super intense that he began to shut down.

Heeseung isn’t leaning any closer, and instinctively, Jake knows that if they are going to close the gap, it will have to be on Jake’s initiative. Jake thinks about it for another second and then grips the back of Heeseung's head, pulling him toward Jake. Heeseung’s eyes widen for a moment, but his expression shifts as he leans in.

Heeseung’s lips are soft.

Really soft.

The kiss only lasts a few seconds, but immediately, Jake likes how Heeseung’s lips feel on his own. So much so that when Heeseung pulls away, Jake chases his lips. Heeseung chuckles and then gives Jake another quick peck.

Jake pouts as Heeseung pulls away again. He sees the apprehension in Heeseung’s expression though, so he smiles. He brushes his hand across Heeseung’s cheek and says, “It’s okay, I won’t break.”

Heeseung nods once and then grabs Jake’s face with both of his hands, giving him a proper kiss. It leaves Jake a bit breathless, but he recovers quickly, pressing his lips back against Heeseung’s just as determined. They continue like that for a few minutes before Jake pulls away to catch his breath. Heeseung lays back against the couch, breathing hard. “Better not push myself.” Jake says, winded still.

Heeseung just nods, grabbing Jake’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

Heeseung looks at the couch for a second and then moves to settle himself at the far end, so he is resting on the part that is like a lounge chair. He leaves some room between his legs and pats the space in between them. Jake giggles and makes his way over, sitting between Heeseung’s legs and resting his back against Heeseung’s chest.

“You’re so tiny.” Heeseung says in awe.

“Take that back.” Jake glares up at him.

“Sorry.” Heeseung raises his arms defensively. Then, he wraps his arms around Jake. “This, okay?”

Jake relaxes into Heeseung’s touch. “Honestly, it’s perfect.” Jake closes his eyes and sighs contently. “I could get used to this.”

“Laying in my arms?” Heeseung asks curiously.

“Feeling safe when you touch me.” Jake whispers. Heeseung doesn’t say anything in response. Instead, he just gives Jake a tight squeeze and quick peck on the crown of his head. Jake hums happily.

Jake isn’t sure how long they rest like that. They talk about their day, but they also spend a good portion of the time just sitting together in silence. It feels like a precious bubble that neither of them want to pop. But then Jake’s phone vibrates. He fishes it out of his pants, surprised to see it’s already 11.

Jay: You good?

Jake: Yeah. Sorry. Got distracted and lost track of time. Heading home soon.

Jay: No worries. See you then.

“It’s late.” Jake says, yawning. “Way past my bedtime.” Heeseung laughs. His smile lines are prominent. Jake really loves Heeseung’s smile lines when he laughs.

“You should get going then.” Heeseung agrees. “Will you text me when you get home so I know you got home safe?” Heeseung asks. Jake nods, slowly untangling himself from Heeseung.

He gets up to go the door and put on his shoes. Heeseung follows him.

Heeseung opens the door, but before Jake walks through it, he stands on his tippy toes to give Heeseung a quick kiss. Heeseung clearly isn’t expecting it, so it isn’t more than a peck. Jake giggles and hurries out the door before Heeseung can say anything else.

Jake: I think this was my favorite Halloween ever.

Heeseung: Mine too. Sweet dreams, Yunnie <3

Jake: Night, Hee <3

Heeseung: So, what does big/little reveal entail exactly?

Jake: For me, it’s a lot of work. But for everyone else, it’s a really fun retreat.

Jake: We leave Saturday morning to this cabin on a lake that’s like two hours from here.

Heeseung: Sounds fun!

Jake: It is! Basically, for the past few weeks we’ve been asking all the pledges to list their top three candidates for a big. And then we asked all the sophomores to pick their top three candidates for a little. Luckily, we have 18 sophomores, so only 2 people need to have more than one little.

Heeseung: And what does having a little mean?

Jake: It’s like built in mentorship basically

Jake: Or at least that’s how we treat it. We try to make ourselves available to our littles for any questions or concerns. With Taki, I usually try to study with him twice a week in the library and we go to dinner at least once a week. With Jungwon, I try to accompany him on his late-night walks.

Heeseung: That’s really sweet.

Heeseung: How do you juggle that with all your VP duties and your schoolwork?

Jake: By trying to get a consistent 8 hours of sleep.

Heeseung: -_-

Jake: No, I mean it. I really can’t function if I am sleepy, so my best trick for being productive is making sure I always get a lot of sleep.

Jake: I’ve even left parties early to go to bed lol.

Heeseung: I feel bad I kept you up on Tuesday then.

Jake: You didn’t keep me up. Clearly, I wanted to be exactly where I was.

Heeseung: Still, I’ll try to be better about remembering you need your sleep.

Jake: I can sacrifice a little sleep for you.

Jake: You just can’t mock me if I drool when I get tired.

Heeseung: You’re actually a puppy.

Jake: Woof.

Jake starts dragging duffel bags toward the bus. The only other person up at his hour is Jungwon. They didn’t have a party last night, but a sorority nearby did and Jake knows a number of the boys went to it. Still, Jake doesn’t mind doing the loading. It’s why he had everyone make sure to have their stuff dropped off in the living room last night by 11.

Now it’s 7 AM, but they aren’t scheduled to leave until 8:30. The bus driver isn’t even back yet. She dropped the bus off and then walked over to the nearby diner for some breakfast.

“What the fuck is in this duffel bag?” Jungwon asks. “Did someone pack rocks?” He huffs as he throws it in the storage compartment of the bus.

“I think that’s Keeho’s.” Jake shrugs. “I wouldn’t ask.” They make their way back to the living room for the next grouping of bags. “Noted.” Jungwon nods. “So how’s wrong number?”

“He has a name.” Jake points out as he lifts a neon green bag onto one shoulder and adidas bag onto the other. “That you know. Because you’ve met him.”

“Yeah, yeah. He seemed all right.” Jungwon mutters hoisting another couple of bags. “I’ve still got an eye on him though.”

“Aren’t I supposed to be saying that to you?” Jake laughs as they walk back to the bus.

“You couldn’t scare a piece of paper.” Jungwon smirks.

“Well, try not to scare my boyfriend please.” Jake grumbles, placing the neon green bag in the compartment underneath the bus.

“Whoa. Boyfriend?” Jungwon raises an eyebrow. “When did that happen?”

“On Tuesday.” Jake shrugs, acting as if he hadn’t been going at a glacial pace with Heeseung for the last two months.

“That’s a pretty big step.” Jungwon hums. “I’m happy for you, Jake.”

Jake ducks his head and grunts out a very quiet thanks. The two continue to load the bags and get everything ready. Once it hits 8 AM, Jake knows he has to start waking everyone up and calling the people who don’t live at the house.

He’s met with a lot of groans and a lot of sass, but they are on the road by 8:45.

Hoon is already back asleep, leaning against the window. But Jay is up, sipping on his coffee. A lot of people think Jay looks scary, but Jake has never understood it. Even right now as he glares at his coffee. His lips are pouted cutely. Jake totally understands why Hoon winds Jay up so much on a daily basis. He’s just too cute when he’s grumpy.

“I don’t get how he can fall asleep like that” Jay complains, pointing at Sunghoon. His neck is at a weird angle pressed against the glass. “He’s going to wake up and complain all day about being sore.” Jay looks at Sunghoon with exasperation. “But if I wake him up, he will complain all day about how I didn’t let him sleep.”

“No win situation.” Jake agrees. “Probably better he can get some sleep.”

Jay nods. “Speaking of sleep, we haven’t talked about your almost sleepover the other night.” Jay smirks. “I really thought you might have fallen asleep at Heeseung’s.”

Jake shudders involuntarily. “Definitely not.” Jay’s expression changes immediately.

“My bad, dude. I didn’t think.” Jay says quickly. “You don’t ever have to sleepover at his place if you don’t want.”

“I think for a long-term relationship to work out, I will eventually have to agree to sleep in the same room as the other person.”

“Long-term?” Jay asks. “Didn’t you guys just agree to start dating?” Jake rolls his eyes and resists throwing his sweatshirt at Jay. “And, you never know. It might not bug him.” Jay shrugs. “Besides, I don’t think it’s an issue that you need to worry about now.”

Jake nods. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” Jake sighs, resting his head against the bus seat. “And it was a really good night.” Jake hadn’t been sure what to expect, but Heeseung seems to read Jake’s physical ques perfectly.

Heeseung lives in studio, so his bed is immediately visible when entering the apartment. But on Halloween, Heeseung had put a bunch of dirty clothes, books, and other random objects on top of his bed before Jake had arrived. Seeing it clearly ruled out for the evening had instantly made Jake relax. Even on the couch, Heeseung had been so gentle.

“I’m glad.” Jay smiles. “I’m really happy you’re letting yourself have some happiness.”

Jake looks at him sideways. “You’re so corny before you have coffee.”

“Whatever.” Jay mutters, flipping Jake his middle finger.

“Love you too, man.” Jake laughs.

“I knew Jay would cave.” Ni-ki says excitedly to Jake after they take their ‘family photo.’ The picture was kind of funny, given that Jake is one of the the shortest in his fraternity ‘family’. Still, Jake stood at the back. Jungwon and Taki crouched in front of him and Harua and Ni-ki sat down in front of them, respectively.

“I was worried he wouldn’t.” Taki says as they make their way to the pavilion where lunch is.

“Ni-ki really tested him.” Jake rolls his eyes. “His top 3 choices were: 1. Taki. 2. Jake. 3. Heeseung”

“Heeseung isn’t even in the fraternity.” Jungwon say blankly.

“Exactly.” Ni-ki nods. “Exactly the point.”

“You’re lucky that you’re a cute brat.” Jake slaps the back of Ni-ki’s head. Ni-ki just laughs.

“We’re going to kill at all the family competitions.” Jungwon says excitedly. “Which one is first?”

“I think we are doing the three-legged race after lunch.” Jake tries to remember the schedule he created with Sunghoon on Wednesday night. It’s mixing with his calculus homework in his mind since he was trying to work on both at the same time. “We have to pick two of us to do that one.”

“No offense Jake, but I think it should be members around the same height.” Taki says quietly.

“Ungrateful brats. All of you.” Jake jokes. But honestly, he’s relieved. He could use 30 minutes to just sit and relax. So, he purposefully avoids pointing out that Jungwon and Jake are close in height.

After lunch, it’s decided that Ni-ki and Taki will do the three-legged race. Jake goes and takes a seat near the finish line. It always takes some time for the event to actually get started, so he pulls out his phone to check in with Heeseung.

Jake: You up yet?

Heeseung: Barely

Jake: What’s on your docket today?

Heeseung: I think I am going to try to drive back to my hometown today. It’s been a while since I’ve seen my mom.

Jake: You’re such a good son.

Heeseung: Well, I don’t have to travel all the way to Australia to see her, so I think it might be a bit easier for me than it is for you.

Heeseung: How’s the retreat?

Jake: Good. Ni-ki is Taki’s little and Harua is Jungwon’s.

Heeseung: Ni-ki got his way then.

Jake: Well, the options he gave Jay were: Taki, me or you.

Heeseung: He’s a troll

Jake: But he’s cute

Heeseung: You really do have a weakness for cute things

Jake: Explains my weakness for you

Heeseung: SO Cheesy

Jake: Bet I still made you blush.

Heeseung: …No comment

Jake: Oh, I better go. The three-legged race is about to start.

Heeseung: Okay, have fun!

Jake loves the lake at night. The others are drinking in the pavilion where there are games, food, and light, but Jake loves sitting out on the pier overlooking the water. He can hear the bugs and the soft sounds of the water crashing against the pier’s stilts.

He grabs his phone out of his sweatshirt pocket and facetimes Heeseung.

“Hello?” Heeseung asks. He is sitting in a room Jake doesn’t recognize, so Jake assumes it’s Heeseung’s childhood bedroom.

“Hi, can you see me?” Jake waives.

“Not too good.” Heeseung says. “I can see your outline, but everything is pretty dark.”

“Ah, bummer.” Jake pouts. “I wanted to try to show you my view of the lake.” Jake switches the camera away from selfie mode so that Heeseung can see the view in front of Jake.

“Ooo, that I can see.” Heeseung says. “I can see it better because of all the lights from the different houses and the reflection of the moon on the water.” Jake looks up at the Waning Gibbous and smiles.

“Can you see the stars?” Jake asks staring at the twinkling lights in the distance.

“I can.” Heeseung confirms. “They’re beautiful.”

“It’s a nice night.” Jake hums. “Fall nights on the lake are the best.”

“Is it cold?” Heeseung asks.

“Not too bad actually.” Jake says. “I’m not shivering yet, so that’s always a good sign.”

“Do you get cold easily?” Heeseung asks.

“Sometimes.” Jake smiles. “But, I also get really warm easily too.” Jake laughs. “Guess I don’t have a consistent internal body temperature.”

“Did the party die down?” Heeseung asks.

“Nah, I just came out here for some quiet.” Jake says. “I can’t really drink much anymore so I usually don’t bother.”

“Ah, I didn’t know that.” Heeseung says. “Does it bother you that I drink?”

“Oh, no.” Jake says quickly. “It’s not like a moral hang-up or anything like that…I just had a bad experience so I feel like how some people feel trying to eat foods that previously gave them food poisoning.”

“Oh, ouch.” Heeseung winces. “I get why you avoid it then.”

Jake nods. “It looks like you ended up going to your hometown.”

Heeseung laughs and gestures to the room around him. “Yep, this is the childhood bedroom.” Said room is full of video game posters and album art. Jake can’t even tell what color Heeseung’s walls are because they are completely covered.

“It’s very you.” Jake says.

“You mean it’s very nerdy.” Heeseung corrects him.

Jake shakes his head. “You are nerdy…but you’re also artistic.” Jake says. “Your room reflects that.”

“What about you? What was your childhood bedroom like?” Heeseung asks.

“Full of soccer posters and trophies.” Jake says proudly. “I also really love fishing, so I had a lot fishing gear all over my room.”

“Fishing?” Heeseung asks. “I haven’t been fishing in years.”

“We should go!” Jake says excitedly. Then he thinks about the probability of being forced to share a cabin with Heeseung and freezes. “Or not.”

“I’d like to go sometime.” Heeseung smiles, softly. “We could get separate cabins.” Jake is thankful Heeseung can’t see the blush spreading across his cheeks.

“I’d really like to do that sometime.” Jake says. “Fishing is the best.”

Before either of them can start a new topic, a voice calls out from the other end of the pier. “Jake! Are you out there?”

He calls back “Yeah! I’m here!”

“Come back! We are going to do karaoke!” The voice calls.

“Okay!” Jake yells back. He switches the camera back to selfie mode. “Guess, duty calls.” Jake says. “Even though I am terrible at karaoke.”

“I’m sure you’re lying.” Heeseung smiles. “But thank you for showing me your view tonight, Jaeyun.”

“Anytime.” Jake says, ending the call.

“I think I have a house locked down. I think we can finally execute plan: inclusive sorority next semester.” Lily says taking a sip of her smoothie. She makes Monday calculus bearable.

“That’s exciting.” Jake says. He already finished his protein bar. He should have brough more than one, but he will just have to grab a snack after class. “Are Minjeong and Ryujin going to help you with the process still?”

“Yeah, they’ve been great.” Lily says. “Yunjin, too actually.” Jake nods. He’s happy he’s gotten to know Yunjin more through both Ryujin and Heeseung.

“I’m proud of you.” Jake says earnestly. He isn’t sure how he would have made it the last three years without Lily. He knows she could have gone anywhere for college, but she followed him here because he had asked her to. When they were growing up, Jake’s mom would always joke that she had three kids instead of two, so no one was really surprised they chose to go to the same school. But still, it’s nice having a piece of home when he’s so far away.

“How about you?” Lily smirks. “I saw you with your guy at the Halloween party.” Jake smiles looking down at his notebook.

“How’s that going?” She asks.

“It’s really good.” Jake nods. “I feel a bit silly for how long I resisted meeting him.” Jake sighs.

“Don’t feel silly.” Lily frowns. “I’m sure he doesn’t mind.”

Jake shakes his head. “He doesn’t. He’s been very understanding of everything.” Jake looks down again.

“And…” Lily looks at him. “What are you not saying?”

“I just feel like I’m changing the goalposts on him constantly.” Jake shrugs. “Like first the barrier was knowing each other’s identities, then it was meeting, now it’s the physical stuff.” Jake winces.

“So, you’re upset you have boundaries?” Lily asks, clearly confused. She takes another sip of her smoothie.

“No.” Jake groans. “I just. What if he decides I’m not worth all this work?”

“Jake.” Lily narrows her eyes. “Has he ever given you any indication that he is unhappy with the pace you are moving at?” She looks so much like her mom that it kind of creeps Jake out.

Jake shakes his head quickly. Lily nods. “Then, I think most of this fear is probably coming from inside your own head as opposed to what is actually happening.” She touches his shoulder gently. “We can be our own biggest enemy sometimes.”

“But I didn’t pick up on Carrie’s annoyance at first…” Jake trails off. When he started dating Carrie, she had been understanding too. She hadn’t pushed and Jake never picked up on her irritation with his pace.

Lily blinks a couple of times. “That’s not true, Jake.” She says gently. “You did pick up on it. You just doubted yourself a lot and made a lot of excuses for her.” Jake shrugs. Lily looks like she wants to say more, but the professor starts the lecture before she can say anything.

Heeseung: What’s your evening like tonight?

Jake: Full of homework unfortunately.

Heeseung: :(

Jake: I’m guessing yours includes video games with Ni-ki

Heeseung: Actually, I’ve been working on this song for my final project, and I feel like I am finally getting somewhere with it.

Jake: Oh???

Heeseung: It’s the song that is inspired by the picture of Ms. Macintyre that you sent.

Heeseung: It doesn’t have very many lyrics yet, but I think I am finally getting somewhere with the instrumental

Jake: That’s exciting! Does it have a name?

Heeseung: I really like ‘Shout Out’

Jake: I bet it’s going to be wonderful

Jake: I call dibs on first listen

Heeseung: You’re ridiculous

Heeseung: It probably sucks

Jake: I’m sure it does not suck. You’re talented, Heeseung.

Heeseung: I think I have a little trouble believing that because of how skilled everyone in my field is.

Jake: Just because other people are skilled doesn’t mean that you’re not also skilled. Besides, all the stuff that you have sent me is really good.

Jake: You care a lot about your art and it always shows in the final product.

Heeseung: Thank you, Jaeyun. I needed to hear that today.

Jake: I’m here for you always.

Heeseung: Likewise <3

Chapter Text

[Heeseung POV]

“Why do you look like you just failed an exam?” Heeseung asks Beomgyu as they sit down to join him. They agreed to get lunch on campus.

“Do I?” Beomgyu hums. “My bad.” They tap their fingers on the table distractedly. Heeseung tries to make small talk with Beomgyu for a few minutes and they order their food, but finally, Heeseung’s patience runs out.

“Okay, what?” Heeseung asks. “Why are you so nervous?”

Beomgyu sighs. “I want to have a conversation with you, but I don’t think you are going to like it very much.” They admit. “Soobin and Sunoo have both advised me not to, but I just need to say it.”

Heeseung blinks. “Um? Well…you’re not really advertising it well.” Heeseung takes a sip of his water. “But go on, I guess?”

“Okay, I just. Look, I think everyone can see how great you are for Jake.” Beomgyu says slowly. “We haven’t seen Jake this crushed out since…well, it’s been a while.”

“Okay…” Heeseung trails off. “I am guessing there’s a but?”

Beomgyu nods. “But clearly Jake has a lot of…boundaries. And needs. And I am just worried that you’re not paying attention to your own needs and feelings.”

Heeseung narrows his eyes. “What does that even mean?” Heeseung asks. “And I swear to god, if you say I like being physical one more time…”

Beomgyu raises their hands in surrender. “Not that! I promise I won’t talk about that again.” They chew on their lip. “Okay, so I was having a conversation with someone in Carrie’s old sorority this past weekend.”

“Carrie?” Heeseung asks. Though the name sounds vaguely familiar.

“Jake’s ex?” Beomgyu blinks at him. Ah, that’s why.

Heeseung is obviously aware that something happened with Joongi freshman year, but he has also gathered something happened to Jaeyun last year. And he knows Jaeyun has two exes that are out of his life. From Heeseung’s point of view, Joongi is a little too much in Jaeyun’s life for Heeseung’s comfort, but that’s obviously not Jaeyun’s fault.

“I don’t want to know.” Heeseung shakes his head. “I don’t want to know what happened between them.” Heeseung says. “Not unless Jaeyun tells me.”

“Well, no one really does know what happened honestly. I think the only people that probably know are Carrie, Jake, Lily, Sunghoon, and Jay.” Beomgyu explains. “I was just catching up on gossip with this girl and she said that she heard Jake was dating someone new.”

Heeseung glares at them. “I didn’t say anything one way or another but just kind of hummed.” Beomgyu says quickly. “She said that she wonders when Jake will start trying to enforce his rules.”

Heeseung rubs his temples and groans. “And I care about this random person’s opinion, why?”

“You shouldn’t.” Beomgyu says. “It just got me thinking about some of the things you’ve said to me…” They trail off. “I mean even just now. You won’t let anyone give you a heads up about Jake’s past even though you probably could use a primer.” Heeseung frowns. “It seems like you have a lot of rules regarding how you interact with him because of his issues. But shouldn’t he be seeking some sort of help so his issues aren’t your issues?” Beomgyu asks.

Heeseung is about to say something, but the waitress comes to their table with their food. She sets the pasta down in front of Heeseung, and he counts to five so he doesn’t sound too angry when he speaks.

“First, he doesn’t have ‘issues’” Heeseung says, making finger quotations. “And I would appreciate if you didn’t talk like that about him.”

“Sorry. Bad choice of words.” Beomgyu nods, reaching for one of their fries.

“That’s happening a lot with you these days.” Heeseung says.

Beomgyu winces and stops eating mid-chew. “I deserved that.” Beomgyu agrees.

“As for the things I’ve told you…in confidence, mind you…” Heeseung says. “I am the one who has suggested most of those rules.” Heeseung takes a bite of his pasta. “I don’t want people to tell me about Jaeyun’s past for several reasons.” Heeseung explains. “While the primary reason is that I would rather let Jaeyun control his narrative, I also just think most people probably don’t have all the details.”

Beomgyu frowns, their sandwich halfway to their mouth.

“It’s a college campus.” Heeseung shrugs. He gestures to the people walking around outside the restaurant. “Rumors spread like wildfire, but they are almost never fully accurate.” Heeseung says. “Why would I want to hear a hurtful rumor about my boyfriend’s ex mistreating him?”

Beomgyu nods. “That…makes sense.” Beomgyu says. “I didn’t really think about it that way.”

Heeseung sighs. “I’m trying to understand your actual point but…did people think Jaeyun would magically go to therapy just because he got a boyfriend?” Beomgyu opens their mouth, but no sound comes out.

Heeseung shakes his head. “I can be supportive of him and be there for him, but… I’m not a therapist…and I’m not a magic salve that will make him realize he needs counseling.” Heeseung takes another sip of water. “I entered this relationship knowing full well that he has some things he needs to work on himself.”

Beomgyu frowns. “But that’s my point…What if he never works on them? Isn’t that kind of unfair to you?”

Heeseung blinks. “Well, we just started dating, so I think this conversation is putting several carts before several horses.” Heeseung tries to choose his words carefully. He understands Beomgyu is coming from a place of concern.

Heeseung looks out the window and then back at Beomgyu. “I have my own things I need to work on. What if my things become too much for Jaeyun to deal with?” Heeseung gestures toward himself. “Or what if we both decide we don’t work romantically for reasons unrelated to any of the things we are working on individually?” Heeseung asks. “I’m not a fortune teller. I have no idea how this will all play out.”

“It just seems like such a gamble.” Beomgyu asks.

“I imagine it would seem like that for someone who runs at the first sign of trouble.” Heeseung says neutrally.

“Ouch.” Beomgyu says moving their hand over their heart. “Is that what you really think about me?” Beomgyu asks, quietly.

“As a friend, no.” Heeseung softens. “As a partner, a little bit.” Heeseung hesitates. “I was still in love with you after we broke up.” Heeseung sighs. “I thought our issues were resolvable.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widen. “I didn’t know that.” They admit. “I wouldn’t have led you on like that if I knew you were hoping for me to come back to you.”

“I know that.” Heeseung nods. “It’s why I was so adamant that our hookups were purely physical and that I was bored.”

“Ah.” Beomgyu says quietly. “Well, that makes me feel even worse about what I said at lunch the other day then.”

“I’m not mad at you though.” Heeseung waives his hand dismissively. “You were clear with me about what we were. You never gave me a false impression.”

“Okay, so what you’re saying to me is that you’re a big boy and you can handle yourself?” Beomgyu jokes eating another fry.

“Pretty much.” Heeseung laughs. “I’m sure Soobin and Sunoo said the same thing.”

“Actually, no.” Beomgyu smirks. “Soobin told me that even if I had a point, I sounded like a jilted lover and you would storm off in a huff.”

Heeseung snorts. “Not my style.” Heeseung isn’t even sure what that would look like on him.

“No, that’s definitely Soobin’s style.” Beomgyu laughs. “He was projecting I think.”

“And Sunoo?” Heeseung prompts.

“He was very upset with me actually.” Beomgyu shudders. “I’ve never seen him be anything other than bubbly or sarcastic, but he was just scary…” Heeseung bites down on his lip to prevent his smile. “He told me that I was going in without a lot of facts and that he thinks I need to learn how to mind my business.” Beomgyu pales a little. “But it was the way he stared at me. Like if looks could kill…”

Heeseung can’t hold his laugh. “I don’t doubt it.” Heeseung pauses. “I can’t fault you for caring about me.” And he can’t. He knows Beomgyu wasn’t trying to be a dick by bringing this up. “But I promise I am fully aware that there are a lot of unknowns in my future.”

Heeseung: So…it’s November 10.

Jaeyun: Thank you?

Heeseung: Your birthday is in 5 days…

Jaeyun: Ah, that.

Heeseung: You don’t sound thrilled.

Jaeyun: I’m stressed about it, I guess.

Heeseung: ?

Jaeyun: Well obviously I want to spend time just you and I. But also, I have a ton of schoolwork this week. I have to try to reserve lab time and Wednesday at 6 is usually a great time spot, but obviously I can’t do this Wednesday.

Jaeyun: And my friends want to celebrate because it’s my 21st. But I don’t want to have to plan another party next weekend because we are having one this weekend for the game.

Jaeyun: I just don’t know how to make everything fit together.

Heeseung: Hmmm.

Heeseung: Well, let’s start with the easiest. How about you and I plan a dinner that isn’t on your actual birthday?

Jaeyun: Really? That’s okay with you?

Heeseung: Of course

Heeseung: As for you friends, can you merge your plans into a big dinner on Wednesday?

Heeseung: You’ll probably have to try to reserve lab time on Tuesday or Thursday, but if you make Wednesday a big dinner, then you’re likely off the hook for party, right?

Jaeyun: I could probably do Thursday, yeah. And I think as long as Lily, Jay, and Hoon get to embarrass me, they will be happy.

Heeseung: Okay, you could always do that barbeque place that has the long tables outside. They are like cafeteria style tables.

Jaeyun: Do you have to pay to reserve them?

Heeseung: Nah, they don’t have a time limit either…It’s a first come first serve kind of thing.

Heeseung: Sunoo told me about this time that he and his friends were there all day and he never got kicked out even though they had stopped ordering food after two hours in.

Jaeyun: But I have class Wednesday.

Heeseung: I don’t.

Jaeyun: You definitely do.

Heeseung: Nope, I’m sick that day.

Jaeyun: You’re ridiculous.

Jaeyun: You’re really going to camp out at some tables for a few hours and miss class.

Heeseung: I’ll bring my computer and game with Ni-ki

Jaeyun: They are going to let you save space for like 30 people?

Heeseung: Yep!

Jaeyun: I feel like it’s asking too much of you.

Heeseung: Consider it my birthday gift.

Jaeyun: If you are really fine with it. Then, I guess that could work. I’ll text Hoon to make sure he invites everyone. Would meeting at 6 be okay?

Heeseung: Works for me.

Jaeyun: You’re really the best, you know that?

Heeseung: You got lucky when you texted my number :P

Jaeyun: I really really did, Hee.

Heeseung walks up to the tables outside right when the restaurant opens at 2. The waitress looks at Heeseung and with his backpack and his computer bag and shakes her head. “Let me guess. You’re going to want water for the next 6 hours?”

“Does it help that it will only be 4?” Heeseung asks biting his lip. The waitress rolls her eyes. “I’ll be back with your water.” Heeseung smiles.

Then, he begins pulling out various items from his bags. He brought 10 notebooks, 2 textbooks, an assortment of sticky note pads and probably close to 50 pens. He starts spreading out the notebooks and textbooks down the table. He places 7, very spread out, on one table and then does the same with another. After that he starts placing the sticky note pads randomly across the tables.

When the waitress comes back with his water, he has just finished putting a pen in front of every seat.

“Creative.” She nods.

“It’s a study group.” Heeseung shrugs.

“I’m sure.” She snorts as she walks away.

The first hour is pretty harmless. Heeseung exchanges a couple texts with Jaeyun and scrolls on reddit threads. No one is really trying to eat barbeque at 2 PM, so he doesn’t encounter any pushback about his table saving.

The second hour is also fine. Heeseung winds up going down an am I the asshole? rabbit hole, and before he even realizes it, it’s 4 PM. That’s when things start to get a little dicey.

At first, people come outside and just go to the one long table that doesn’t have any stuff on it. Easy enough. But by 4:30, that table is packed full. So, when a group of girls come in, they turn to Heeseung and look at all the stuff surrounding him.

“Did all of your friends ditch?” A brunette girl asks. Heeseung thinks she might be trying to flirt because she’s blinking her eyes rapidly. She’s not as cute as Jaeyun is when he does that, so it doesn’t have an effect.

“Nope.” Heeseung says.

“Well, do you know when they are going to get here?” The girl’s blonde friend asks. “Cause you’re kind of taking up a lot of room.”

“Sorry, these spots are taken.” Heeseung says, not answering her.

“You can’t just save seats for like 50 people?” Brunette girl stomps her foot. It is also not as cute as when Jaeyun does it.

Heeseung gestures to the sign behind them at the entrance of the patio area. The sign says in big, bold letters: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE. SORRY IF FULL.

“But it looks like you’ve been here a while.” Another blonde girl complains. “That can’t be allowed.” She turns and marches toward the waitress who is taking someone’s order at the other table.

The girl brings the waitress over to Heeseung and says, “Tell him he has to leave.”

The waitress looks at Heeseung and then at the girl. “Why would I do that?”

“He’s been here forever and is taking up space from paying customers.” The girl points out. “Your restaurant is losing money because of him.” Heeseung thinks about that for a second. It’s a compelling point. The restaurant doesn’t have an incentive to let him stay.

“Sorry, blondie, owner’s policy is that these are first come, first served and we don’t kick people out.” The waitress shrugs. “There are tables inside available.”

“So, you don’t care that you’re losing money?” The girl asks in disbelief.

“It’s not my restaurant.” The waitress shrugs. “Also, I’m pretty confident that I am going to have a great tip night regardless.” The waitress looks down at Heeseung. Heeseung nods quickly. The girls—as Beomgyu would put it—storm off in a huff. Heeseung looks at the waitress’s name tag: Anna.

“Thank you.” Heeseung nods. “Could I get a diet coke?”

“Well, at least it’s not water.” Anna rolls her eyes, but nods and walks away.

Heeseung texts Sunghoon. He had gotten Jay and Sunghoon’s numbers after the fainting incident, but he hasn’t had much reason to use them since.

Heeseung: How deep are Jay’s pockets?

Sunghoon: Limitless. Why?

Heeseung: Our waitress tonight needs a VERY large tip. She took on sorority girls for me.

Sunghoon: LOL. A hero.

But noted. I’ll make sure Jay knows.

Anna comes back with his diet coke. “By the way, I totally think that the guy with parrot was the asshole.” Anna says pointing at Heesung’s computer.

“Right?” Heeseung shakes his head. “Redditors got that one wrong.” She laughs and then heads to the other table.

At 5 PM, Heeseung is surprised to see Jungwon and Ni-ki show up with two other boys. Heeseung gives a small waive.

“How long have you been here?” Ni-ki smirks.

Heeseung shrugs. “Since 2.” Jungwon’s neutral expression slips for a second, and Heeseung can see that he’s pleased. But he recovers his indifference quickly.

“Heeseung, this is Taki and Harua. Harua and Taki, this is Heeseung.” Jungwon points to the other two boys that Heeseung hasn’t met.

“We’ve heard a lot about you from Jake and Ni-ki.” Taki says coming up to Heeseung.

Ni-ki squawks. “Wait, what. Jake is the obsessive one, not me!”

“Oh, sure.” Taki rolls his eyes. “As if you didn’t talk about how cool Bambi seemed for like an entire month straight.”

Ni-ki’s cheeks color. “Shut up.”

Heeseung smiles. He has never been considered cool by anyone. And while the freshman graphic design major is not necessarily the most objective judge of coolness, Heeseung will count is as a win. “Take a seat.” Heeseung says gesturing to the spaces around him.

“They really let you stay like this for three hours?” Jungwon asks.

“Yep.” Heeseung nods. “Me and Anna are tight now.” Heeseung says pointing to the waitress entering the patio. She looks mildly surprised to see other people next to Heeseung.

“Let me guess. 4 waters?” Anna asks the other boys. They nod sheepishly, and she shrugs walking away.

“Jay’s going to tip her.” Heeseung says, reassuring the rest of them.

“Oh good.” Jungwon sighs with relief. “She will have a good night then.”

Heeseung quickly realizes that now he has to fill conversation with Ni-ki and three other people that he doesn’t know very well. Luckily, Ni-ki seems to sense Heeseung’s nerves and begins talking about the game they are playing while Jungwon talks to Harua and Taki.

At around 5:30, people begin trickling in at a steadier pace. They start to fill up both tables and Heeseung barely recognizes anyone. He knows Jay and Hoon, but since they know the rest of the group, they have to go around to all the different people and say hello.

Being with so many people is actually more overwhelming than when Heeseung was alone, so he nearly cries from relief when he sees Sunoo walk in at 5:45. Sunoo looks incredibly surprised to see Heeseung sitting in the midst of a crowd, but smiles when Heeseung makes space to the left of himself.

“I’ve never seen you get to an event early enough that you would be forced to small talk.” Sunoo nods as he sits on the bench.

“I’ve been here since 2.” Heeseung says. “You told me that you did that one time here.”

“You’re kidding? So, you’ve been socializing with people for hours?” Sunoo asks. Now, he’s the one who looks like he might cry.

“Well, it was mostly our waitress, Anna, but I’ve been trying my best for the last fifteen minutes.” Heeseung says looking down at the table.

“And how exhausted are you?” Sunoo asks.

“Very.” Heeseung nods. “I don’t know how you do this on a daily basis.” Heeseung smiles. “I’m going to need a week of silence I think.”

“You’ve earned it.” Sunoo nods. “Has Jake texted you?”

“Yeah,” Heeseung says. “He left campus like 5 minutes ago, so he should be here soon.”

Jaeyun arrives five minutes later and he’s with the girl with bubble-gum pink hair. Heeseung assumes she’s Lily, but they’ve never been formally introduced.

Jaeyun’s eyes quickly scan the tables until they meet Heeseung’s and then he smiles brightly.

He doesn’t stop to say to hello to anyone and instead just makes a b-line for where Heeseung is sitting. People on the right of Heeseung scooch over to make room and Jaeyun plops one leg over the bench, not even sitting properly. He straddles the bench, gazing up at Heeseung.

“I can’t believe you did this for me.” Jaeyun says, not taking his eyes off Heeseung. “I’m kind of lost for words…but I also…just kind of want to kiss you.” Jaeyun whispers the last part, his eyes sparkling.

Heeseung blushes because the atmosphere has gone quiet and people are definitely staring at them. Heeseung assumes Jaeyun is kidding about the kissing, but Jaeyun leans in and presses his lips against Heeseung’s own. The kiss doesn't las for more than a few seconds before Jake pulls back, eyes wide and cheeks slightly pink. “I-uh-sorry.” He mutters, looking down at the table. Heeseung sees Jaeyun immediately start pinching his thigh.

Heeseung wants to reassure him. Jaeyun had already told Heeseung that he didn’t think he would be able to handle much PDA, if any. So, he knows this likely startled him and probably took a huge amount of courage. But surprisingly, Heeseung isn’t the first person to say something.

“Don’t be sorry—if my man sat at a table for 4 hours for me, I would plant one on him too.” Anna says from the entrance of the patio. That gets most people laughing, even some of the other people at the other table that doesn’t belong to their group. Jaeyun smiles shyly, nodding at her.

Once the laughter dies out, Sunghoon yells, “Happy birthday, Jake!” from further down the table. The rest of the group joins in and Jaeyun touches the palm of his hand to his heart.

“Thank you all for coming.” Jaeyun says. Then he slides his other leg over the bench so he can sit at the table properly. He grabs Heeseung’s hand underneath the table and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Now, let’s eat!”

Heeseung: What kind of takeout do you want tonight?

Jaeyun: You pick :)

Heeseung: It’s your birthday dinner, so you pick.

Heeseung: You’re really spoiling me this week

Heeseung: Saving a couple tables and ordering take out is not exactly herculean effort.

Jaeyun: Don’t do that.

Heeseung: Do what?

Jaeyun: Minimize your kindness

Jaeyun: You missed a whole day of class. You had to sit on an uncomfortable bench for hours. You kept putting up with people who got mad at you for saving seats. Then you had to socialize with people for hours, even though it’s not something you enjoy.

Heeseung: The bench was pretty uncomfortable. My ass was numb for all of yesterday.

Jaeyun: LOL.

Jaeyun: But seriously, thank you. You gave me the perfect 21st birthday celebration.

Heeseung: You’re welcome.

Heeseung: You still get to pick what we are having for dinner.

Jaeyun: You’re impossible.

Jaeyun: But pepperoni pizza and buffalo wings, please.

“I think I want to apply to be a TA next year for my professor.” Jaeyun says while stuffing his mouth with pizza. “It’s his first year out of grad school and he said that he could use some help next semester with his classes.”

“Do you have time for that?” Heeseung asks nervously. Heeseung doesn’t know how Jaeyun fits everything into his schedule as it is. Between classes, fraternity stuff, soccer, studying with Taki, walks with Jungwon, and spending time with Heeseung…his schedule is pretty full.

Jaeyun frowns. “I’m sure I can squeeze it in,” he says. “Do you think I won’t be able to handle it?”

“That’s not the point.” Heeseung shakes his head.

“Isn’t it? If you thought I could handle it then it wouldn’t be an issue.” Jaeyun says defensively. “But, clearly you don’t think I can.” He aggressively bites off a piece his chicken wing.

“I didn’t say that. Please don’t put words in my mouth.” Heeseung sighs. “I just think you have a lot on your plate as is.”

Jaeyun looks at him suspiciously. “So?” Jaeyun points his half-eaten chicken wing at Heeseung. “That’s not a bad thing.”

“I didn’t say it was.” Heeseung raises his hands in surrender.

“Are we having a fight?” Jaeyun asks, scrunching his eyebrows. “I can’t tell.”

“We are disagreeing, I guess?” Heeseung asks. “I’m not going to start screaming at you if that’s what you’re asking.”

Jaeyun snorts. Then, he takes and deep breath and says, “okay…let’s start this over. I’ll try to be less defensive.”

Heeseung chuckles. “Okay. Like from the very beginning?”

Jaeyun smiles. “Sure.” He pauses and grabs another piece of pizza. “I think I want to apply to be a TA next year for my professor.” Jaeyun repeats himself. “It’s his first year out of grad school and he said that he could use some help next semester with his classes.”

Heeseung bites down on his lip, suppressing a smile. “Do you think you have time for that?”

“I think I can make it work.” Jaeyun says sincerely. “Why?”

“I am worried you already have a pretty demanding schedule.” Heeseung says, carefully. “I don’t want you to burn yourself out.”

“I’ll talk to him and see what the time commitment would be.” Jaeyun nods. “If it’s too big, then I won’t do it.”

Heeseung smiles. “That sounds like a good plan.”

Jaeyun giggles. “Our first fight!” He punches the air with his pizza. “We crushed that.”

Heeseung’s laugh is so loud that he surprises himself. “You’re really cute,” he says, softly. Jaeyun blinks at Heeseung a couple times and then ducks his head shyly. Heesung’s heart flutters in his chest.

After eating, the two settle onto the lounge part of Heesung’s couch in what is quickly becoming their favorite position. Jaeyun rests his back against Heeseung’s chest and Heeseung has his arms around Jaeyun. Jaeyun is playing with the silver bracelet on his wrist. He had pretended to be irritated with Heeseung earlier when he learned Heeseung had still gotten him a birthday gift, but it's clear he really loves the bracelet. It's a simple thin silver chain, but it suits him.

They watch old episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. But Heeseung gets a call from his mom halfway through the third episode, so he steps outside his apartment to take it.

When he walks back in ten minutes later, he sees Jaeyun has fallen asleep. His hair is halfway covering his face and there is a little bit of drool falling from the corner of his mouth. He looks so vulnerable that Heeseung feels a little stab of pain in his chest.

He doesn’t exactly know what happened in the past, but it is very clear Jaeyun is afraid to fall asleep anywhere that isn’t his room. Heeseung isn’t sure how to handle this situation, so he texts Jay.

Heeseung: So…Jaeyun fell asleep on my couch. If I wake him, will I trigger something?

Jay: Oh boy. I’m honestly not sure.

Jay: My guess would be probably, yes. But trust me, he would much rather you wake him than let him sleep there.

Heeseung: Got it. Will you and Sunghoon be home in case he needs to go home right away?

Jay: Yeah, we’re here.

Heeseung doesn’t know much about panic disorders or anxiety. He sort of regrets not asking Jaeyun for tips about what he should do, but he can’t really think about that now. He doesn’t really have any experience with anxiety, but the cat he had growing up definitely had been feral at first.

In middle school, Heeseung had gone out to his backyard and saw a very scared wounded stray cat. When Heeseung had tried to approach the cat, the cat hissed and looked like it had been ready to attack. Heeseung had backed off and tried different approaches.

The cat seemed to prefer Heeseung loudly announcing his presence and also seemed to like that Heeseung never encroached his space to closely. Heeseung also let the cat inspect the food and water Heeseung would bring. Actually, the first time, Heeseung drank some of the water to show the cat that it was okay.

It had taken a week, but eventually, the cat was willing to come inside. He named the cat Sugar, but he never really embraced the name with anyone besides Heeseung. Still, Sugar lives at his mom’s house and he will cuddle with Heeseung whenever he goes home.

Heeseung knows Jaeyun isn’t a feral cat, but he doesn’t really have any other experiences to go off, so Heeseung decides to noisily announce his presence first. Heeseung makes loud banging sounds in the kitchen and calls Jaeyun’s name from far away. Jaeyun startles awake, and immediately starts shaking. “What’s happening? Where am I?” Jaeyun asks, eyes wide.

“It’s just me.” Heeseung says calmly. Jaeyun’s trembling worsens. “It’s Heeseung. I’m way over here.” He says from across the room. “No one is near you.” Heeseung tries to reassure him. At least Jaeyun can actually understand his words whereas Sugar was just left to interpret Heeseung’s body language.

Jaeyun’s breathing speeds up. “How long was I asleep?” Jaeyun asks between breaths.

“Ten minutes. I was outside talking to my mom.” Heeseung says. He thinks about drinking Sugar’s water to prove it was safe and says, “do you want to see my phone? You were awake when she called?”

“I was?” Jaeyun asks, holding his chest and pinching his thigh.

“Yes.” Heeseung says. “We were watching Brooklyn Nin-Nine, remember?” Heeseung points at the paused TV.

Jaeyun nods. “Yeah…We were on the third episode...” He says between breaths. “And your phone rang.”

“Right.” Heeseung says. “It was my mom.”

“Do you want to see to make sure you know how long you were asleep?” Heeseung asks.

Jaeyun nods again. Heeseung approaches him slowly, handing him the phone. Then, he goes to sit on the other end of the couch.

Jaeyun checks his call log. Then, he looks at Heeseung. “Can I check your photos?”

Heeseung nods immediately. He’s putting pieces together of Jaeyun’s past and he pretty much hates the picture that is forming. Still, now is not the time to get all the details.

Seeing that Heeseung’s most recent photo is of their pizza seems make Jaeyun relax more. He stops hyperventilating, but he’s still pinching his thigh.

“Okay.” He says, quietly. “Okay. I-uh. I’m not very good at sleepovers.” Jaeyun grimaces. “Obviously.”

Heeseung waives his hand dismissively. “Thank you for waking me up.” Jaeyun murmurs. “And giving me your phone.” He says still holding Heeseung’s phone. “That helped a lot, actually.”

“No problem.” Heeseung shrugs. “I’m glad it helped.” Jaeyun’s breathing is slowing, and his eyes aren’t as panicked, but Heeseung still asks, “do you need to leave?”

Jaeyun shakes his head. “Can we just keep watching tv, but sitting like this?” Jaeyun asks motioning to the distance between them.

Heeseung nods. “Of course. The clicker is by you.” Jaeyun places Heeseung’s phone in between them on the couch and then grabs the clicker next to him. Heeseung reaches for his phone and sends Jay a quick text letting him know everything is okay.

They watch another two episodes like that. By the time the second one ends, the color has returned to Jaeyun's face. He looks at Heeseung curiously from across the couch. “How did you know what to do earlier?”

Heeseung picks at a loose thread on the couch. “I was kind of flying blind to be honest.”

“Sorry about that.” Jaeyun looks at his hands. “I probably should have given you some tips on how to handle me if I have a panic episode.”

“It’s okay.” Heeseung shrugs. “Though I wouldn’t object to you telling me what you would prefer for me to do.” Heeseung says carefully. “Cause I basically resorted to how I responded to my feral cat in middle school.”

Jaeyun laughs. It’s Heeseung’s favorite kind—the one that increases in volume before abruptly cutting off. Heeseung smiles.

“That’s kind of amazing.” Jaeyun says, still smiling.

“But you basically got the gist of what I prefer. I definitely need space.” Jaeyun says. “I don’t like to be touched.” Jaeyun shudders. “If it’s because I’m re-living something, then grounding me in facts is usually the best way to go.” Jaeyun pauses. “Like giving me the phone so I can see for myself that nothing happened.”

“If it’s because something bad actually happened, then I prefer the distraction and repression route.” Jaeyun admits. “I know it’s not good for me…trust me, Jay and Hoon tell me once a week.” He sighs and rubs the back of his neck.

Heeseung nods. “I won’t offer my advice unless you want it.” Heeseung says truthfully. “You’re an adult with your own agency. There are certain decisions I can’t make for you.” Jaeyun nods. “But I’m here to listen if you ever need to talk about it.”

“Thank you.” Jaeyun says. “For everything tonight.”

Heeseung waives his hand dismissively. “No need to thank me.” He smiles. “I’m glad I got to be with you.” Heeseung looks at the time. “I’d offer another episode, but I’m not sure if you’re feeling up for it?”

Jaeyun shakes his head. “I’m getting sleepy, so I should head home.” He gets up and heads to the door to put on his shoes. Heeseung stays on the couch instead of going to the door to meet him. Jaeyun opens the door and turns back to face Heeseung. Heeseung smiles and waives at him from the couch. “Night, Jaeyun.”

Jaeyun gives Heeseung a sad smile as he waives back and then he walks out the door.

Jaeyun: I’m really sorry I ruined last night.

Heeseung: You didn’t ruin anything. I love spending time with you.

Jaeyun: You should be able to kiss your boyfriend good night. Me being like this isn’t fair to you.

Heeseung: I’ve kissed you good night before. It’s okay that we couldn’t last night.

Jaeyun: I’m being serious.

Heeseung: So am I. I understand you’re working through some things. It doesn’t bother me.

Jaeyun: What if I can never sleepover at your place?

Heeseung: Then, you can never sleepover.

Jaeyun: How does that spell long-term success?

Heeseung: Do you mean like living together?

Jaeyun: Isn’t that what all couples do eventually?

Heeseung: Key word being eventually. But there are ways to do that still.

Heeseung: We could always get a two-bedroom and you could make sure your door locks.

Jaeyun: So, you’re fine never sharing a bed with me?

Heeseung: Plenty of couples don't share beds for various reasons. You’re acting like you never show me physical affection. You show me plenty.

Heeseung: I’m not unsatisfied with our physical relationship, Jaeyun.

The response doesn’t come for fifteen minutes. And when it does, Heeseung has to remind himself that murder is a crime.

Jaeyun: He filmed me when I was asleep without my consent.

Heeseung: And he was a monster for that.

Jaeyun: I can’t really go into what he did while I was asleep. I’m not sure when I will be ready to talk about it. But I just wanted to explain why I am touchy about falling asleep.

Heeseung: Thank you for telling me. I know that must have been hard for you.

Jaeyun: I...trust you.

Heeseung: I trust you too.

Jaeyun: Thank you. I know I’m not easy to deal with.

Heeseung: Please don’t do that.

Jaeyun: Do what?

Heeseung: Make it sound like being with you is a chore.

Heeseung: You do so much for everyone around you, including me.

Heeseung: Like last night, it was your birthday dinner, but you still did all the dishes that were piled up in the sink because you know I hate doing them. Or last week, you spent an hour listening to me talk about a youtube video explanation of how to beat the level of a game I was stuck on. Or the fact that you never suggest calling me before noon even though I know it would work better with your schedule.

Heeseung: It’s not a hardship being your boyfriend, it’s a privilege.

Jaeyun: Thank you, dear…I needed to hear that

Heeseung: You’re welcome

Chapter Text

[Jake POV]

“I hate the last week of classes.” Sunghoon groans into Jay’s pillow.

“You don’t even go to half of your classes.” Jake says. He’s sitting on his bed with his laptop open, two textbooks open, a pencil behind one ear and a highlighter behind the other.

“I’m pretty and I’m going to marry rich.” Sunghoon says sitting up and pointing at Jay. He’s at his desk studying his accounting textbook, with his glasses falling down his nose.

Jake snorts. “One of those things is true.”

Sunghoon fakes a gasp. “You don’t think I’m going to marry Jay? That’s honestly so rude.”

Jake throws a pillow at him. “You’re ridiculous.”

Jake scans the notes in front of him. “I am so glad that my TAs are all having extra office hours this week.” Jake frowns at one equation from the beginning of the year. “I can’t remember learning half this shit.”

“This week is always so weird.” Sunghoon pouts. “I think I saw Nicholas go to the library on purpose this morning.”

Jake smiles. “Well, good thing you can focus on planning the end of finals party. I think we decided on December 15 this year?” Jake says to the back of Jay’s head.

“That’s so far.” Sunghoon whines. “Why is it so far?”

“You’ll live, drama queen.”

“Even if he doesn’t, I’ll just be glad if he shuts up.” Jay says rolling his eyes.

“Wow. Romance really is dead.” Sunghoon glares. “Next thing you know I am going to have to go to a porn store and ask the sales clerk how to spice up my relationship.”

Jay snorts. “You act like we didn’t just buy handcuffs last weekend.”

“Dude.” Jake fake gags. “I’m still here. And I really didn’t need to know that.” Jay flips him off, but Jake can see the faint blush on his cheeks. “If you guys are going to flirt, can you do it in Sunghoon’s room. I need to finish highlighting what I need to go over in office hours this week.”

“That’s rich coming from you.” Jay quips. “You talked to Heeseung for two hours last night.” Jay smirks. “It was just endless ‘when can I see you this week’ and ‘I miss you too, baby’ and ‘I can’t wait to see you’ until I seriously contemplated bathing with a toaster to end my suffering.”

Now, it’s Jake’s turn to blush. “I don’t call him baby.” Though, Jake isn’t opposed. He actually really likes that nickname. Not that he would tell Jay that.

“You’re right. You just call him ‘dear’.” Jay tries to imitate Jake’s accent. It sucks. So, Jake sticks out his tongue in response.

Jake: What are pet names that you approve of being called?

Heeseung: Um. Good morning?

Jake: It’s noon….

Heeseung: I don’t know. I like when you call me dear.

Jake: Any others?

Heeseung: I’m not sure. I guess I’m not really opposed to any except ones that are dessert themed?

Jake: So cupcake, muffin, and honey are all out.

Heeseung:…honey is okay.

Jake: Noted. What about me? What would you want to call me?

Heeseung: Your name?

Jake: :(

Heeseung: Sweetheart, is there a name you would like me to call you?

Jake: Ooo I like that one.

Heeseung: What brought this on?

Jake: Jay was teasing me for calling you dear.

Jake: And I was just thinking of what other pet names I liked.

Heeseung: You’re not going to stop using dear right?

Jake: No, dear.

Heeseung: Good.

Jake: Are we still on for lunch today?

Heeseung: Yeah, I’m going to head to campus now.

“How’s your last week looking?” Jake asks, slurping the last little bit of his ramen. They got ramen from the campus convenience store and have just been sitting on a student center couch near the fake fireplace.

“Busy.” Heeseung sighs. “Most of the classes for my major either have a theory paper or a practical assignment that I have to submit by the end of finals week.” Heeseung explains. “So, I have to try to utilize the office hours of my professors to get some last-minute feedback.”

Jake nods. “Yeah, I need to go to so many office hours this week too.” Jake pouts. “I don’t think we are going to have much time to see each other this week.”

“I know.” Heeseung frowns. “Maybe we should plan a date for after we make it through finals.” Heeseung reaches for his phone. “When’s your last final.”

“Technically, the 13th because it’s a sociology paper. But, I am going to try to finish it by the 11th since that’s the day of my last written exam.” Jake explains. “Your stuff is mostly due the 13th, right?”

Heeseung nods. “But I can try to shoot for the 12th…So we can plan a date night for the 13th.”

“We could also do the 14th if that works better for you.” Jake points out. “I’m not headed back to Australia until the 18th.”

“Don’t you usually have a frat party though to celebrate the end of exams?” Heeseung asks.

“I think we decided on the 15th.” Jake nods. “Sunghoon is planning it.”

“Okay.” Heeseung says. “Let’s plan for the 14th.” He says putting it in his phone. “Now, we have something to look forward to when we get all moody from not seeing each other very much the next few weeks.”

“I do not get moody.” Jake crosses his arms. Heeseung stares at him knowingly. Jake bites down on his lip. Heeseung pokes Jake in the side and Jake giggles. The girl sitting on the other couch gives them a dirty look. Jake puts his index finger to his lips and says “Shhhh” to Heeseung. Heeseung raises an eyebrow and tickles Jake’s side. Jake tries to hold in his giggles this time, but he fails miserably.

The girl is staring daggers at them now. Jake mouths sorry to her and then wags his finger at Heeseung. Heeseung looks like he is contemplating tickling Jake again, so Jake points at Heeseung’s backpack. “Pack up your stuff.”

Jake puts his own stuff away, shoulders his bag, and takes their empty ramen containers to the nearest trash. He meets Heeseung by the door and pulls him outside toward a nearby bench. “You’re going to get us in trouble.” Jake jokes.

It isn’t snowing outside today, but it’s definitely cold—Jake regrets not wearing a heavier jacket. Still, it’s better outside where he isn’t being glared at by a stressed chemistry student. They sit on the bench for a few minutes. Then, Heeseung smiles at him and tucks Jake’s hair behind his ear. He wraps his arm around Jake, pulling him close.

Jake feels a flutter of desire and it shocks him. Genuinely, shocks him.

He’s obviously attracted to Heeseung, but he has been very happy keeping their physical contact PG. And even then, there are some days he feels more comfortable with physical affection than others. Heeseung has been letting Jake go at his own pace, and Jake’s pace is a few kisses, a lot of cuddling, and some hand holding. Sure, they’ve been dating for nearly a month and they have known each other for nearly three, but Jake isn’t trying to rush into anything he won’t be able to handle.

Honestly, Jake can’t remember the last time he felt like initiating a make-out session with anyone. It was probably with Joongi. Even with Carrie…she was the one who initiated the more intense physical intimacy, and usually he felt like he was forcing himself to participate.

So, the feeling he has right now is a bit foreign. The adrenaline rush of wanting another person scares him. But also, he feels...relief. Up until now, he had convinced himself that he would never be able to feel desire like this again. He had been sure that this part of him had been irreparably damaged. But there is blood rushing south in a way that hasn’t happened in a long time. So, he contemplates his options.

The idea of letting the feeling pass without doing anything makes him panic; there’s no guarantee when he will feel like this again. But the idea of doing something too rash is not a good idea either. He’s made that mistake before.

Heeseung—by the looks of it—is completely oblivious to Jake’s dilemma. And their current position is a bit awkward for anything beyond the one shoulder hug that they are doing. Jake looks at their surroundings. He spots a few trees in the distance that seem would seemingly provide some privacy. He closes his eyes, and shakily says, “Will you follow me?”

Heeseung nods, though he looks a bit confused. Jake pulls him over toward the trees and doesn’t stop until they are hidden by the branches. Heeseung still looks puzzled. Jake sets his backpack on the ground and then removes Heeseung’s backpack from his shoulders, placing it gently next to Jake’s.

Jake’s fingers are trembling a little, but he doesn’t want to lose his nerve. “Jaeyun, are you all right?” Heeseung asks softly.

“I-“ Jaeyun stops. He takes a breath. “I-I’m attracted to you.” Jake resists the urge to face palm. Of course, he’s attracted to Heeseung.

Heeseung smiles. “I’m glad to hear that.”

Jake rolls his eyes. “No. Like right now. I- It’s been a while since…so I’m rusty…but…” Jake’s voice is wobbly, so he tries raising his eyebrows trying to convey the point.

“Ah…” Heeseung says, eyes widening. “Ah, I understand.” Jake sighs with relief. Heeseung laces their hands together. He squeezes Jake’s hands gently. “Jaeyun, you’re going to have to lead me, okay?” Heeseung asks, giving Jake’s hands another squeeze. “I only want to do what you’re okay with so you’ll need to show me, baby” Heeseung whispers. “Okay?”

Jake nods. He can do this. He doesn’t need to overthink it. His boyfriend looks hot in his bomber jacket and beanie. He wants to see what Heeseung’s tongue feels like inside his mouth. “Can you-uh do what you did earlier with my hair?” Jake asks weakly.

Heeseung pauses, probably thinking back.

Then, he moves forward and tucks some of Jake’s hair behind his ear. It sends the same flutter as before. Jake lets the feeling wash over him. He shuts off his brain and pushes Heeseung back against the tree. It might be a bit too aggressive, but Heeseung doesn’t complain.

Jake reaches his arms around Heeseung’s neck and presses their lips together. Heeseung wraps his arms around Jake’s waist, pulling him closer. Jake kisses Heeseung’s bottom lip, slightly pulling it with his teeth. That causes Heeseung to tighten his grip on Jake’s waist. Jake instinctively parts his lips slightly, giving Heeseung permission to kiss him deeper. Heeseung tentatively swipes his tongue swipes across Jake’s bottom lip, and Jake lets out a startled gasp.

Heeseung pulls away quickly. “Too much?” He asks, breathless.

“Don’t stop.” Jake pleads. Heeseung smiles and leans back in. This time he is more confident as he explores inside of Jake’s mouth. Heeseung starts rubbing his thumb over Jake’s lower back. Jake moves his hands to grip Heeseung’s hair.

When Jake eventually needs to catch his breath, Heeseung moves his mouth to suck on Jake’s neck where his pulse point is. Jake groans at the sensation.

“Shit, I-uh need a second.” Heeseung blushes, putting a little distance between the two of them. Jake blinks at Heeseung, confused. Then, he sees Heeseung’s semi and nods, averting his eyes quickly.

“Oh.” Jake knows he’s definitely not ready for that, especially not here. So, he politely steps away and gives Heeseung some privacy to adjust himself. Jake straightens his own clothes and picks up his and Heeseung’s bags off the ground.

Heeseung approaches him a few moments later, taking his bag from Jake. “Was that okay?” Heeseung asks, looking at Jake’s eyes. He’s probably looking for a sign of panic. But surprisingly, Jake feels okay. He’s a little shaky, but it’s manageable. Jake knows he was in control of the encounter the entire time, which helps.

He smiles. “That was perfect,” Jake says, softly. “Thank you.”

“I don’t think you need to thank me for making out with you.” Heeseung laughs. “Pretty sure I enjoyed that just as much as you did.”

Jake laughs. “Still, thank you for letting me lead.”

Heeseung nods. “I’ll follow you anywhere, sweetheart.” Jake ducks his head to hide his blush, but he can’t hide the giggle that escapes.

Jake spots Ni-ki’s blonde hair as soon as he walks in the restaurant. He makes his way to the back table. Harua and Taki are sitting on one side and Ni-ki and Jungwon on the other. Jake sits at the empty chair they put at the head of the table.

“Only one more day of classes,” Jake says excitedly. “How are finals shaping up for you all?”

Ni-ki groans. “I can’t wait to be done with the general ed classes.” He shakes his head. “Why do I have to keep taking stupid math.”

Jake bites down on a smile. “My schedule seems pretty manageable.” Taki says. “I’ve been working on my study guides all semester, so I’m not too stressed yet.”

“Are you human?” Harua asks, mouth open. “I feel like I am going to have to live in the library for the next to weeks to try to cram for everything…” Harua sighs.

“You have a hickey” Jungwon says matter-of-factly, pointing to Jake’s neck.

“I-uh-what?” Jake gapes.

“A hickey.” Jungwon says. “The thing you get when someone sucks on your skin.” Jake blinks. Then, he rolls his eyes. “I am aware of what a hickey is.”

Jungwon nods, but his expression is calculating. “I promise I wanted the hickey.” Jake gestures vaguely to his neck.

“No one wants a hickey.” Jungwon says. “That’s why most people give them in places that you can cover with clothing.”

Jake blushes. “Well, I did want this one.” Jake crosses his arms.

“That’s good, Jake.” Taki interrupts, cutting off whatever Jungwon was about to say. “We are glad things seem to be going well with Heeseung.”

“He seems really nice.” Harua smiles, taking a sip of his water.

Jungwon sighs. “I’ll admit that he earned some points on your birthday.” Jungwon smiles. “I’m not sure I would wait four hours at a barbeque place for anyone no matter how much I liked them.” Jungwon smirks. “That’s very whipped behavior.”

“Ugh, he’s even more whipped when we play games.” Ni-ki grimaces. “We were playing a game and he saw a golden retriever and then went on a ten-minute monologue about how Jake has the biggest most adorable puppy-dog eyes.” They all laugh.

Dinner passes quickly as they talk about their classes and finals schedule. Jake makes them all promise to text him if they need anything throughout finals week. His freshman year finals sucked, and he wished his big had cared more about something other than drinking and partying. He shakes his head. He’s glad that the mentorship program has progressed into something better.

Heeseung: This song is driving me crazy.

Jake: Shout Out?

Heeseung: Yeah, I’m finally satisfied with the instrumental, but the lyrics are not coming together

Jake: How so?

Heeseung: By time I get to the last chorus, it just feels so repetitive.

Heeseung: Can I play it for you so you can hear it?

Jake: Sure, Jay is at the library right now.

Jake picks up immediately when Heeseung calls. “This song is going to be the end of me.” Heeseung groans.

“I doubt that.” Jake smiles. “You just have writer’s block.”

Heeseung hums. “Why don’t you play the chorus for me?” Jake asks, gently. He can hear some shifting and then a song starts playing. Heeseung plays the first two choruses. The song is really good, but Jake understands what Heeseung means by the time the third chorus rolls around.

“Hmmm.” Jake thinks. “I see what you mean.” He adjusts his position so he’s laying down on his bed. “It needs some variation.”

“Right?” Heeseung asks. “It feels too repetitive.”

Jake thinks about that. “I like repeating the chorus and the stripped instrumental for the third.” Jake says. “Maybe you just need to change a line or too to give it more variation?”

Heeseung starts singing the various chorus lines and then groans. He can hear Heeseung moving around.

Jake thinks about the song and the photo that inspired it. The theme—from what Jake understands—is that having a support system can empower you to feel stronger. And that resonates with him. Jake would be miserable if he didn’t have support from his friends after everything happened with Joongi and Carrie.

Heeseung starts humming “a voice that grows as one” in Korean and he realizes the ending sound rhymes with misery in English. Jake starts thinking. A single voice is a misery . Nope. Your voice prevents my misery . No. Without your voice, I’m in misery . Closer, but it’s still a little clunky.

Heeseung is humming a different line now, but Jake is still hung up on the word misery.

Without you, I’m in misery. Not enough syllables. Jake starts playing around with that phrase in his head to match the syllables of the original line. My life without you is a misery . Ah.

Heeseung is just smashing random notes on his keyboard now. Jake resists laughing at Heeseung when he sings shout out because I have writer’s block and can’t think.

“Um, so…there might a line in the chorus that you could change to English for the third chorus.” Jake scratches the back of his neck.

“Which one?” Heeseung asks curiously.

“So you know the line ’a voice that grows as one’?” Jake asks. Heeseung hums. “What if you changed it the third time around to be like ‘ my life without you is a misery ’?”

There’s silence for a few seconds and then, “wait, I like that.” Heeseung says excitedly. “I really like that.”

Heeseung plays the choruses again, but then for the third chorus, he stops the track and sings, my life without you is a misery instead. He plays around with the texture of his voice a couple times, and then sings the third chorus again the whole way through.

“Jaeyun, I really like this.” Heeseung says excitedly. “Can I use it?”

“Of course, you can.” Jake laughs. “When would I ever use it in my physics finals?”

“I’ll have to add a note to my professor about lyrical credits from an outside source.” Heeseung says off-handedly. “He makes us list any samples we use and if we get input from people we need to credit them like we would on a normal track.”

“My first songwriting credit.” Jake jokes.

Jake manages to stick to his original plan and submits his paper on the 11th after taking his last final. The next morning, he sends an email to Professor Kim about the vacant TA position.

Professor Kim,

I know you recently talked about how you were looking for someone to help you as a TA next semester. I’d love to apply for the position if you’re still accepting applications.

I’ve attached my resume and current transcript to this email. Let me know if there are any materials that you would like me to send for your consideration.

Thanks!
Jake Sim

Jake dicks around on his laptop for a half hour, but he’s surprised that he gets a response from Mr. Kim so quickly.

Hi Jake,

I am definitely still accepting applications. I appreciate you reaching out.

I won’t be evaluating candidates until after the grading period is over, but I will certainly get back to you about setting up an interview once I begin my selection process.

Thank you for being such a joy in class and I hope you have a good winter break.

Best,
Namjoon Kim

Jake smiles and shuts his laptop. He will ask Professor Kim about the time commitment during the interview process, but he’s pretty sure he will be able to handle it.

He knows Jay has one more final today and Heeseung is busy with his final papers. It feels weird that he has a full free day to himself. He isn’t sure he likes it. Then, he vaguely remembers Sunoo saying that his finals were all early this semester.

Jake: Are you busy today?

Sunoo: Nope. I’m just re-watching the Notebook while eating ice cream.

Jake: At 10 AM???

Sunoo: Don’t judge me.

Jake: No judgement.

Sunoo: Would you be up for hanging out today?

Sunoo: Depends. What do you have in mind?

Jake: I was thinking of going shopping for an outfit to wear on my date with Hee this Thursday…

Sunoo: OMG. Yes. Can I help you pick it out?

Jake: Mmhmm…Just nothing too over the top!

Sunoo: Can you pick me up in 30 minutes>

Jake: That should work.

Jake isn’t sure why he’s so nervous as he’s getting ready. He’s been out to dinner with Heeseung before. And he talks to him every day. Yet, he feels all jittery as he sprays his cologne.

“You look nice.” Jay compliments from his bed. “Is that a new shirt?”

Jake nods. “Sunoo helped me pick it out.” It’s a satin grey button up. The key point, according to Sunoo, is to leave a couple of buttons open. Jake isn’t sure how he feels about the buttons being open, but he trusts Sunoo’s judgment.

“It looks good.” Jay says. “And goes with your hair is all fluffy.” Jay gestures to Jake’s hair. Jake has been experimenting with hair recently, but Heeseung had seemed to really enjoy his recent selfie with wavey hair.

“Thanks.” Jake nods. “It’s just been a little bit since we’ve seen each other in person.” Jake breathes. “We couldn’t really meet up during finals…”

Jake expects sarcasm or a joke but Jay surprises him. “I’m sure he’s just as nervous as you, Jake.”

“It’s silly.” Jake shakes his head. “Getting all worked up…Just because I haven’t hugged my boyfriend in two weeks…”

“It’s normal.” Jay says. “You’re in the crushed-out phase.”

“We’ve been dating for two months.” Jake points out. “Shouldn’t I be more relaxed?”

Jay looks at him. “All relationships are different.” Jay shrugs. “I still get butterflies when I look at Sunghoon sometimes. And I’ve been with him for years.”

“Corny.” Jake says without heat. Jay smirks and throws a pillow at him. Jake dodges it easily. “But, thanks, Jay.” Jake says sincerely. Jay waives his hand dismissively.

Once Jake gets in Heeseung’s car, his nerves start to calm down. Heeseung lets Jake hold his right hand while his left hand stays on the steering wheel. Heeseung picked an Italian restaurant about thirty minutes away, so it's a bit of a drive. The two don’t say much during the ride, but it’s comfortable. Jake looks at all the Christmas lights and decorations through his window.

Heeseung is wearing a vintage band t-shirt and a well-worn leather jacket. Sunoo would probably hate it, but Jake likes Heeseung’s style. Heeseung is tapping his hand on the steering wheel to the pop song on the radio and Jake can’t stop himself from staring. Heeseung’s side profile is truly something else. He gives Heeseung’s left hand a squeeze.

“You look pretty tonight, dear.” Jake says softly. While there isn’t too much light in the car, Jake can see Heeseung’s cheeks color.

“So do you, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says, eyes darting to Jake quickly. “I really like your hair like that.” Heeseung murmurs.

Jake nods. “What about my shirt?” Jake giggles, gesturing to himself.

Heeseung looks at him again, eyes roaming over his chest. “I like it.” Heeseung swallows. “I like it a lot, Jaeyun.” Jake grins.

“Good. Sunoo picked it out.” Jake laughs.

“Of course, he did.” Heeseung rolls his eyes. “Cause he’s a menace.”

“Oh?” Jake asks curiously.

“I…may…I may have told Sunoo how attractive I find your collarbone…” Heeseung mutters. Jake’s smile widens.

“Ah, that explains all the outfits he had me trying on.” Jake giggles. “Some of them were a bit much.”

“Thank you for showing me mercy.” Heeseung says.

“Anytime.” Jake squeezes Heeseung’s hand.

Dinner is beautiful and intimate. They are directed to a courtyard with twinkly lights everywhere. There are heaters by the tables, which Jake is grateful for. They talk about their weeks as well as a game Heeseung wants to start over winter break.

“Do you want me to drop you back off at your house?” Heeseung asks when they are on their way back from the restaurant.

Jake thinks about it. “Can we walk around a little bit before we say goodnight?” Jake asks. “I’m not ready to invite you up to my room yet, but I don’t want the night be over just yet.”

Heeseung nods. “Anything you want.”

Chapter Text

[Heeseung POV]

Heeseung parks the car in the visitor lot of the airport. Jaeyun doesn’t move to get out of the passenger seat. He’s been quiet the whole ride, but Heeseung can’t really blame him.

“Sweetheart, we should go check you in.” Heeseung says softly. “I don’t want you to miss your flight.” Jaeyun nods, but he still doesn’t make a move to open the car door. Heeseung sighs. “Jaeyun, we actually need to leave the car to check you in.”

Jaeyun pouts. “I don’t want to leave just yet.”

“It’s only for two weeks.” Heeseung points out. “You’ll be back January 2, right?” Jaeyun nods. “And you’ll get to see Layla.” Heeseung says. That gets a smile out of Jaeyun.

“I am excited to see Layla…” Jaeyun trails off. “And my family.”

“I know.” Heeseung smiles. “So, let’s get you checked in so you can go see them.”

Jaeyun shakes his head cutely. “But saying goodbye to you is going to suck.”

“It will.” Heeseung admits. “But putting off isn’t going to make it suck less.” Jaeyun lets out a deep sigh. Then, he nods, finally opening his car door to get out.

They each roll a suitcase to the check-in desk. Jaeyun has his backpack and carry-on. Heeseung is rolling Jaeyun’s bag that will be checked. The line moves fairly quickly and too soon, it’s time for Jaeyun to go through security.

Heeseung leads them over to a row of chairs next to the security line and then he wraps his arms around Jaeyun. They stand there for a few minutes, just hugging each other. Then, Heeseung leans down to whisper, “I’ll miss you, baby.” Jaeyun shivers in Heeseung’s arms.

“I’ll miss you too, dear.” Jaeyun smiles up at him. “Video calls and phone calls will be a bit harder with time zones, but we’ll figure it out.”

“We will.” Heeseung agrees, rubbing Jaeyun’s side. He leans down and gives Jaeyun a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll pick you up on January 2, okay?”

Jaeyun nods. “Okay.” His eyes glance around at their surroundings for a few seconds. Then, he leans up and gives Heeseung a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll text you when I’m through security. Make sure you text me when you get to your mom’s.” Heeseung nods and the two let go of each other.

The security line goes up the stairs and around a corner. Heeseung watches Jaeyun as he moves through the line until he gets to the corner spot. When he’s about to move around the corner, Jaeyun waives back at Heeseung one last time. Heeseung smiles and waives back. After Jaeyun passes the corner, Heeseung lets out a deep breath and heads back to his car. He really hopes the next two weeks fly by.

“Mom?” Heeseung calls as he walks in the door. He is struggling with two baskets of dirty clothes and his backpack.

He doesn’t hear or see his mom anywhere, but Sugar is sitting on the stairs judging him. Heeseung makes his way to the laundry room and drops off the dirty clothes. His mom is probably in her art studio with her headphones on.

Heeseung’s parents got divorced when Heeseung was little. His dad does something in finance and his mother is a painter. He used to be forced to spend one weekend a month with his dad, but that stopped after Heeseung turned eighteen. Now, Heeseung and his dad stick to monthly dinners at uncomfortably fancy restaurants.

Heeseung makes his way to her art studio, which used to be a detached garage. Sure enough, his mom is working on something with her bright pink headphones on. Heeseung knocks loudly on the door to avoid scaring her. She removes one ear as she turns to face the door.

“Ah, Heeseungie.” She says. “I lost track of time out here.” She gestures at the painting. “I didn’t cook any dinner for you yet.” She sets her paintbrush down. “Do you want to go get cheap diner food around the corner?”

Heeseung nods. “Okay, I can be ready in twenty minutes.” She pauses. “Do you need help bringing any of your stuff up to your room.” Heeseung shakes his head.

“Nah, I got it.” He smiles. “I’ll go start unpacking and then we can go.”

After dinner, Heeseung and his mom decide to watch a movie. Heeseung thinks his penchant for romantic comedies is probably the influence of his mom. It was one of their favorite activities when Heeseung was growing up.

Heeseung sees he has a text from Jaeyun.

Jaeyun: Finally boarded. Time to spend 19 hours on a plane.

Heeseung: I’m glad you made it safely on the plane. Try to sleep as much as you can during the flight!

Jaeyun: I brought some sleeping pills, so I plan to knock out. Hope you had a nice dinner.

Heeseung: It was nice. Very greasy and delicious.

Heeseung: Mom and I are going to watch a movie now.

Jaeyun: That sounds perfect. We are moving to the runway, so I’m going to put my phone on airplane mode now. Have a good night, dear!

Heeseung: You too, sweetheart <3

Heeseung tucks his phone back in his pocket and looks up at his mom. She’s staring at him with a smile on her face. Heeseung blushes a little.

“Who were you texting?” She asks painfully neutral.

“My boyfriend.” Heeseung goes for nonchalance, but he doesn’t think he manages it well if his mother’s expression is anything to go off of.

“And how long have you two been dating?” She asks, eyes sparkling. She has the same big doe-eyes as Heeseung.

“Since Halloween.” Heeseung says quietly. “But we were talking for over a month before that.”

“You socializing?” Her eyebrow shoots up. “How did you meet?”

Heeseung winces. “Um…” He looks at the ground. “Well, he actually texted my phone number on accident.” Heeseung pauses. “We didn’t meet in person for a while, but then I ended up finding out we have a couple of mutual friends…”

“It’s like serendipity.” She hums. “What’s he like?”

Heeseung tries to hide a smile, but he’s pretty sure he fails. He pulls out his phone and goes to his photo albums. He has an album with his favorite pictures of Jaeyun. A few days ago, Heeseung had captured a photo of Jaeyun jumping up and down excitedly. The quality isn’t amazing, but Heeseung thinks it captures Jaeyun’s essence well. He hands the phone to his mom.

She smiles and starts scrolling through the album. After a couple of clicks, she gasps. Heeseung looks at the photo. It’s a photo that Sunghoon sent him. The other night after Heeseung and Jaeyun went on a walk around the block, they ended up sitting on the fraternity house porch, just talking. Jaeyun had been resting his head on Heeseung’s shoulder while Heeseung had his armed wrapped around Jaeyun’s waist. They probably had been like that for a few hours. Sunghoon had spotted them from one of the front windows and took a picture. It’s a bit dark, but you can see the way Heesung is staring at Jaeyun with his whole focus.

“You like him a lot.” His mom nods at the photo.

Heeseung blushes. He does like Jaeyun a lot. He feels a bit sappy whenever he thinks about how invested he already is in their relationship. It isn’t like they have been dating that long, but Heeseung doesn’t know if he has ever felt this kind of connection with someone. Not even Beomgyu.

“That’s good.” His mom smiles. “He clearly likes you a lot too.” She says pointing at the photo. “The way you’re sitting makes it seem like there’s a lot of trust between the two of you.”

“We’re taking it slow,” Heeseung says. “But, I care a lot about him.”

His mom grins. “Well, when do I get to meet him? Can he come over one day during break?” She elbows Heeseung’s side.

Heeseung shakes his head. “He is on a plane back to Australia for the holiday.”

His mom frowns. “Oo. That will be a time difference for you two.” Heeseung nods.

“Well, next semester, you will have to bring him back home one weekend.” She notes. “Does he like rom coms?”

“He hasn’t seen many but he always agrees to watch the ones I suggest.” Heeseung says. “He even sat through Titanic.”

His mom laughs. “Well, it’s decided. We will have to have him over for a rom com.”

Heeseung frowns. “I think you might have to come to campus to meet him instead of me bringing him back home.” Heeseung contemplates how to explain Jaeyun’s aversion to sleepovers without revealing too much. His mom looks at him curiously. “We don’t do sleepovers right now.” Heeseung says. “We are still taking things slow, so I wouldn’t want to pressure him by inviting him back home for the weekend.”

“Is he very religious?” His mother asks. Neither Heeseung or his mom are very religious beyond celebrating Christmas. He knows Jaeyun is Christian and used to go to church more frequently in Australia, but it’s been harder for him to fit church into his schedule with all his other commitments.

“No, it’s not that.” Heeseung shakes his head. “We are just taking things slowly.”

His mom nods. “Okay.” She thinks for a few seconds. “Well, I have an art exhibit about twenty minutes from your campus in a couple of months.” She claps. “I can meet him that weekend.”

“I’m sure he would like that.” Heeseung smiles.

“Done,” she says. Then she looks at the tv and then back at Heeseung. “Are you feeling like a new rom com or an old one?”

Heeseung sits in his bed, waiting for the video call. It’s nearly 8 PM and he’s itching to talk to Jaeyun.

Jaeyun had landed in Australia at around 9 AM on December 20, which had been about 4 PM on December 19 for Heeseung. However, Jaeyun had to get settled with his family and then had spent most of the day sleeping, so they weren’t able to connect much on Tuesday. But, today, at noon, he had woken up to a text from Jaeyun setting a video call for tonight at 8 PM.

Heeseung debates going down to get a coke when his phone starts ringing with the video call. Heeseung fumbles his phone before pressing accept. Jaeyun is sitting outside with sunglasses on. He’s wearing a tank top and his hair looks like he just got out of the shower. Then, Heeseung notices the pool behind him and a dog swimming around in it. “Hi Dear,” Jaeyun smiles. “You look cute tonight.” He winks.

Heeseeung blushes. He’s wearing his favorite Charmander Pokémon onsie. He debated dressing in something nicer, but honestly, he wanted to be comfy.

“Thank you. Are you at home?” Heeseung asks, curiously.

Jaeyun nods. “Yeah, it’s just me and Layla. We were swimming and I figured I would let her swim for a few more minutes before I attempted to dry her.” Jaeyun looks back at the dog swimming behind her. “I’ll go into my room with her in a little while, but she really loves the water.” He turns back around and asks, “so how’s being home?”

“It’s pretty good.” Heeseung tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. “Mom is spoiling me which is nice.”

“Ah, same here.” Jaeyun giggles. “I miss you though.” He frowns. “I feel bad jet leg kicked my ass.”

Heesung shakes his head. “Don’t feel bad. You needed the rest.” Heeseung admonishes. “But I miss you too.”

“You do?” Jaeyun asks cutely. “Really?”

“Really.” Heeseung smiles. “But I’m glad you are enjoying time with your family.”

Before Jaeyun can say anything, Layla approaches Jaeyun’s chair and starts to try to climb up on his lap. “Layla, you are not a lap dog.” Jaeyun groans.

“Nice to meet you, Layla.” Heeseung laughs. He watches Jaeyun and Layla struggle for a few more minutes before Jayun mutes his video so he can take dry Layla off and then go back inside to his room. Jaeyun’s room is very minimalist. The walls are a very light grey and he doesn’t have much furniture.

Layla immediately climbs on the dark grey comforter and starts settling in. Jaeyun shakes his head but moves to rest his back against the headrest of his bed. “She’s a menace.” Heeseung grins. Jaeyun smiles back and then says, “so, tell me about how your last couple of days have gone…”

Heeseung wakes up on Christmas morning to a text from Jaeyun.

Jaeyun: Merry Christmas!

Jaeyun: We’re still on for opening presents from each other at 9 PM your time, right?

Heeseung: Merry Christmas! And yep, still good for 9.

Heeseung stretches in his bed for a few seconds before deciding to make his way downstairs. His brother is likely already here, but Heedo and his mom always wait for Heeseung to wake up before opening presents.

Sure enough, his brother is sipping coffee at the counter when Heeseung gets downstairs.

“Morning.” Heeseung grunts to Heedo as he makes a beeline for the coffee.

“Is 12:30 still considered morning?” Heedo smirks.

“For me, it is.” Heeseung shrugs. “Mom in the studio?” Heeseung looks around the living room.

“Yeah, she said to come get her when sleeping beauty finally gets up.” Heedo raises an eyebrow. “She said you probably were up late talking to your new boyfriend.”

Heeseung rolls his eyes. “I was actually up late gaming.”

“So new boyfriend?” Heedo prods. “What’s he like?”

Heeseung smiles. “Very cute.” Heeseung thinks of Jaeyun. “Really kind and intelligent.”

“Okay, so you’re whipped.” Heedo nods. “When do we get to meet him?”

“You? Never.” Heeseung sticks out his tongue.

“Very funny.” Heedo says. He looks like he’s contemplating something for a few seconds and then he says, “would he be down to play basketball sometime? I can come to campus one weekend. There's a nice gym near there.”

Heeseung thinks about Jaeyun’s love for all things sports. He’s not sure how much basketball Jaeyun has played, but he also knows Jaeyun loves anything remotely athletic. “He would probably love that actually…he’s sporty.” Heeseung shrugs.

“How are you dating someone sporty?” Heedo laughs. “You consider exercise to be the finger movements you make when gaming.” Heeseung pours himself some coffee, refusing to dignify his brother with a response.

After spending the day with his family, Heeseung is feeling slightly exhausted by the time 9 PM rolls around. He’s sitting in his bed with the gift from Jaeyun in his lap. They agreed not to open their respective gifts until they could watch each other’s’ reactions, but the anticipation has been torture for Heeseung.

His phone rings and Heeseung answers immediatley. “Hi, Hee.” Jaeyun waives. He’s in his room with the gift from Heeseung on his nightstand. “How was your Christmas?”

“Pretty good.” Heeseung nods. “My mom got me some new gaming stuff and my brother got me this production soundboard that I have been eying.” He looks at Jaeyun’s soft eyes. “I know your Christmas was yesterday, but did you have a good rest of your day?”

“It was really nice.” Jaeyun smiles. “We went on a hike with Layla and got ice cream after.” Jaeyun frowns. “My brother bought me a new longboard, so I think I’ll need to get creative for how I pack my suitcases coming back.”

“It’s like a gift and a puzzle.” Heeseung jokes. “Hopefully, my gift won’t add to your packing problems.” Heeeseung adds. Jaeyun laughs.

"Are you ready to finally open them?" Heeseung asks. Jaeyun nods, excitedly. Jaeyun is always so cute when he gets excited. Though Heeseung has no idea if Jaeyun will like the gift. Jaeyun is a bit hard to shop for given he doesn’t tell Heeseung about things he wants. “You go first then.” Heeseung offers. Jaeyun grabs the box off the night stand and begins ripping Heeseung’s haphazard wrapping. He goes silent when the gift is revealed.

Heeseung found a place where they would frost a logo or small phrase onto the side of lab flasks, so Heeseung got a kit of two flasks and one hotplate stirrer—Jaeyun is always complaining about the quality of the hotplate stirrers at the campus lab. One of the flasks is just a drawing of a puppy and deer. But the other flask has the phrase My life without you is a misery in Heeseung’s handwriting.

Jaeyun doesn’t speak for a few moments as he carefully removes the glass flasks from their bubble wrapping. Heeseung would be nervous by the silence except he sees that Jaeyun’s eyes are sparkling, so he figures he did all right.

“Heeseung…” Jaeyun finally says. “These are so beautiful.” He touches the frosted logo reverently. “They must have been so expensive though…”

Heeseung shakes his head. “You promised me you would accept it even if you thought I spent too much.” Heeseung points his finger. “I have a text to prove it.”

Jaeyun nods, biting down on a smile. “This is really a perfect gift.” Jaeyun giggles. “I can’t wait to use these next semester.” He lifts up the small box containing the hotplate stirrer and inspects the listed materials on the box. “This is so much better quality than the cheap lab ones that are all old as fuck.” Heeseung laughs.

Jaeyun continues to marvel at the gifts for a couple of minutes and then shakes his head. “Okay, it’s your turn now.” He points at Heeseung. Heeseung smiles and begins unwrapping the gift. Jaeyun has much better gift-wrapping skills than Heeseung apparently.

But, when Heeseung sees the box, he’s shocked. He can’t believe that Jaeyun remembered the brand and product name. Heeseung had only mentioned this once in passing. Heeseung hates the microphone that he uses to record his vocals for his assignments, but he’s too lazy to go to the campus studio to use the better mics.

One time when Heeseung was frustrated with how he sounded, he had told Jaeyun that he couldn’t wait until he could afford this one particular type of recording microphone for his at home producing setup. Sure enough, said microphone is sitting right in front of him. Heeseung gapes because he knows this microphone is close to $400.

“Jayeun, this is too much.” Heeseung gulps. “This is…” Heeseung tries to find the words. “I…”

“Do you like it?” Jaeyun asks honestly.

“Of course, I like it.” Heeseung says. “But this is way too much money to spend on me.”

“I believe you just mentioned something about accepting the gifts regardless of how much they cost.” Jaeyun smirks. “I think you said you had a text to prove it.”

Heeseung rolls his eyes. “You suck.” He sticks out his tongue. He touches the box carefully. He really loves this microphone.

He remembers his freshman year when he went to his TA’s office hours and fell in love with the previous version of this microphone. Heeseung had promised that one day he would get it for himself. While he could have asked for it as a birthday gift or Christmas gift at some point since his freshman year, he’s had it stuck in his head that he only deserves a microphone like this when his music reaches a certain quality.

Before Heeseung can really process his emotions, he feels a couple of stray tears running down his cheeks. “Baby, are you okay?” Jaeyun asks, concerned. “Is it not what you wanted?”

Heeseung shakes his head. “No, I love it.” Heeseung says, watery. “I just. I’ve wanted this microphone since I was a freshman and I can’t believe I actually get to have it.” Heeseung takes a breath. “And the fact you gave it to me…” Heeseung trails off. “That you believe my skills are worth a microphone like this…” Heeseung smiles. “It means a lot to me.”

Jaeyun smiles softly. “Your music is going to heal so many people, Hee.” Jaeyun says. “Your talent is amazing, but the care that you put into your craft is what makes your songs special.”

Heeseung isn’t much of a crier. He actually doesn’t cry at all. But here in his childhood bedroom, he lets a few tears soak his sleeve while clutching his hamster plushie. He can hear Jaeyun’s soft words of reassurance and he feels warmth in his chest. They might not be in the same room, but he feels bonded to Jaeyun in a way he has never experienced. It should be overwhelming but instead the feeling settles over him like a weighted blanket—soft and secure, not scary.

Heeseung finishes loading his car and then heads back in to say goodbye to his mom. She is sitting at the counter, reading bills and sipping coffee. “All packed?” She asks as he walks in.

“Yep.” Heeseung says groggily. It’s 9 AM. Jaeyun’s flight is set to get in at 10 AM but by the time he gets through customs and baggage claim, he likely won’t be ready to leave the airport until 11 AM. Still, the airport is about a two-hour drive from his mom’s, so he needs to leave soon.

“You must really like him if you’re willing to be up before noon to pick him up from the airport.” She smiles. Heeseung blushes, choosing to ignore her and grab a travel mug to pour himself more coffee. “When do classes start again?” She asks innocently.

“Next week.” Heeseung says, quietly.

She nods. “And yet you’re choosing to return back to school a week early…” She smirks. “Interesting.”

He takes a sip of his coffee. His mom’s coffee is always much better than what he can make on his own. He hasn’t really mastered the skill. He wonders if Jaeyun is good at making coffee. He knows Jaeyun used to be a part-time barista in high school, but Beomgyu also had been a part-time barista and their coffee was terrible.

“I’m happy for you Heeseung.” She smiles. “And I can’t wait to meet Jaeyun this semester.”

Heeseung nods and walks around the counter so he can give his mom a proper hug goodbye. He sets his travel mug down on the counter. “Bye, mom.” He says wrapping his arms around her. Ever since high school Heeseung has been taller than her, but he still feels like a little kid whenever they hug.

“Bye, my darling.” She says. “Drive safe and please text me when you get to the airport and your dorm.” Heeseung nods, stepping away from her and grabbing his coffee off the counter.

Before he leaves, he looks around for Sugar. He spots him sitting on the third stair. Heeseung approaches the cat carefully and lifts his hand out. Sugar leans his head toward Heeseung’s hand and gives him a gentle headbutt. Heeseung takes that as permission to give Sugar a few scratches behind the ear and then he gets up to head to his car.

“Bye, mom!” He says one last time as he is walking out the door.

At the airport, things are a bit chaotic.

Heeseung parks his car at around 11:15, but Jaeyun is apparently still stuck in customs. Heeseung volunteers to head to baggage claim to get Jaeyun’s bag, and he quickly realizes why the customs area is so crowded—it’s actually the whole airport.

Heeseung struggles to find the corresponding carousel for Jaeyun’s flight. Eventually, he gives up and just asks a nearby attendant. She directs him to the customer service area where they keep unclaimed bags. Heeseung refrains from pointing out that none of the people from the flight could claim their bags because they are all stuck in customs.

“Hi, my boyfriend’s plane landed about an hour and a half ago.” Heeseung says to the lady at the desk. “He’s still stuck in customs, but I was hoping I could claim his bag.” She stares at him, bored.

“Give me his first and last name, his flight number, and his baggage ID tag number.” Heeseung pulls out his phone to get the baggage ID number that Jaeyun sent.

“Shim Jaeyun, Flight AAL73, and Bag ID 9987XG5.” Heeseung says reading off his phone. The lady types it into her computer and nods heading toward the back room with all the bags.

Heeseung looks around at the congested airport. Heeseung spots a couple with two kids. The two kids are crying, tugging on their mom’s pant leg while the mom is trying to remove bags from the carousel. Meanwhile, the man standing next to her is reading something on his phone. Heeseung shakes his head.

“Here you go.” He hears the airline attendant’s voice behind him. He grabs the bag and then walks closer to the exit doors to wait for Jaeyun.

After another fifteen minutes, he sees Jaeyun walk out of the customs area. He is wearing an oversized hoodie, a baseball cap, and a black mask, but Heeseung can still recognize him from a mile away. Heeseung begins to move toward him, and then he sees one of the two kids from earlier chasing after a little white dog.

Jaeyun manages to step on the dog’s leash and pick the dog up before it can make a complete break for it. Then, he bends down to talk to the little girl, pointing around at the airport. The girl points back to where the mom, brother and man are all standing by the door. The mom is struggling with a big baggage cart as well as what appears to be both kids’ backpacks and her own carry on. The little boy is standing by an empty dog carrier with a guilty expression on his face. And the man is still reading something on his phone, seemingly unaware of the chaos that just happened.

Jaeyun follows the little girl as she walks to where she is pointing, still holding onto the dog. Heeeung decides to meet him over there so he starts rolling Jaeyun's bag toward the family. When he gets there, Jaeyun is placing the dog back in the carrier while the mom is giving the two kids an earful.

“Thank you so much.” She says to Jaeyun. Jaeyun shakes his head. “It’s not a problem.”

Before Heeseung can stop himself, he says, “do you want us to help you push your baggage cart?”

Jaeyun whips his head around at breakneck speed and smiles. “Hey, stranger.” He laughs. Heeseung winks at him reaching out his hand to give Jaeyun’s hand a squeeze.

Jaeyun turns back to the mom and says, “this looks like a lot and we are headed to the parking lot anyway.” He gestures to the lot across the street.

She frowns, glancing at the man on his phone. She looks like she is going to say something, but then she looks at the kids tugging on her pants legs and sighs. “Honestly, I would really appreciate it.”

Jaeyun nods, handing his carry-on and backpack to Heeseung wordlessly and then moving to take control of the baggage cart. With her hands a little freer, she lifts the little boy onto her hip and readjusts the kids backpacks to the other shoulder. She grabs her carry-on and then frowns at the man.

“Steve, can you grab Amanda’s hand please.” She asks the man on his phone.

“I’m doing something, Cindy.” He says not looking up from his phone.

Heeseung sees Jaeyun’s eyes narrow, but then he smiles and says, “Uh, she can help me push the cart?” He points at the little girl. “If that’s okay with you?” Jaeyun nods at the mom—Cindy.

Cindy nods motioning for the little girl to join Jaeyun at the cart.

Then the whole group makes their way to the family’s SUV in the long-term parking lot. The man gets in the driver’s seat of the car immediately, still looking at his phone. The mom starts putting the kids in their car seats and brings the dog carrier to sit in between them while Jaeyun and Heeseung load up the trunk with all the backpacks and suitcases. Once she comes back toward the back of he SUV, Jaeyun is already closing the trunk.

“I’ll roll this back to the cart station.” Jaeyun nods at the empty baggage cart.

“Really, thank you so much.” Cindy says to both of them. “I was…” She looks back at the man in the car and then shakes her head. She smiles warmly. “Thank you.”

Heeseung waives his hand dismissively. “It really wasn’t a problem.” Jaeyun says, shrugging.

As they walk back from returning the cart, Jaeyun grabs his carry-on and backpack from Heeseung and then grabs Heeseung’s free hand. They walk in silence for a few minutes and then Jaeyun says, “I’m very lucky to have a partner like you.”

Heeseung squeezes Jaeyun’s hand. “The feeling is mutual.” He nods, smiling down at him.

Chapter Text

[Jake POV]

Jake knocks on the door to Professor Kim’s office. His interview isn’t for another five minutes, so he isn’t sure if Professor Kim is in his office, but still, he just wants to give a heads up.

Professor Kim had sent him an interview request on January 2, but considering Jake was fighting massive amounts of jet leg, he had requested the interview be put off for two days. Now, its Thursday and Jake feels a little more like a human.

The door swings open and Professor Kim greets him with a warm smile. “Hi, Jake. Come on in.” Jake follows the man into his office. Jake’s been in Professor Kim’s office many times for office hours, but still, the interview nerves are starting to kick in.

“Still adjusting to the time difference?” He asks gesturing for Jake to take a seat. Jake nods as he sits in the chair across from the professor.

“It’s always rough coming back for some reason.” Jake admits. “But I’m hoping I’ll be settled by the weekend.”

“Fingers crossed.” Professor Kim jokes. “I’ll be honest. I’m not really good at the whole interview thing.” Professor Kim winces. “Also, of the three people who applied you are by far the most qualified academically speaking.” He smiles. “So really I guess this is more for me to answer any questions you may have about the position because I have no doubts you would make an excellent TA.”

Jake lets out a relieved sigh. He almost says he doesn’t have any questions but then he remembers the promise he made to Heeseung on his birthday. “Wow, that’s a relief to hear.” Jake says. “And I really appreciate you willing to give me a chance, Professor.” Jake smiles. “I think my biggest question right now is the anticipated time commitment. How many hours would you expect me to work each week?”

Professor Kim nods. “First, you can just call me Namjoon.” He says waiving his hand dismissively. “And as for hours, I think it will depend. I think this first semester, I’ll just need help with my entry level physics course.” Namjoon grabs a piece of paper in the corner of his desk. “We have about 200 open seats right now.” Namjoon thinks. “I would like to have 4 discussion sections, but that would mean you would need to be available for at least four hours a week.”

Jake nods. “I can do that. I have a rough idea of the schedule I want for enrollment. I can send it to you so we can go ahead and hammer out the discussion section times I would be available.”

Namjoon nods. “That works. I wouldn’t need you to attend my lectures, but I would need you to have at least two office hours a week.” Namjoon gestures to his office. “I am in the process of getting a TA office that you can use, but for the first week, you can go ahead and use mine.”

Jake nods. “I can do that.”

Namjoon takes out a piece of paper and starts writing a couple of notes. “With the discussion sections, the office hours, and first-pass of grading weekly assignments, I would estimate about 12 hours of work each week.” Namjoon looks at Jake. “Will that be feasible?”

Jake nods. Most of the time commitment is just class time, so it will be like adding another class. “I’ll send you my current schedule idea, so we can set up discussion times.” Jake says pulling out his phone and forwarding his note with the classes he needs to take this semester.

Namjoon looks over the email for a few minutes and then asks, “What if we keep it simple and have discussion times at 1:00-1:50 on Monday and Wednesday and then 2:00-2:50 on Tuesday and Thursday.” Jake looks at his notes. That should work with his current schedule.

“I could do office hours on Tuesday from 4:00-6:00 and on Friday from 12:00-2:00.” Jake suggests.

Namjoon nods. “That should be fine.” He inputs a few notes into his computer. “I’ll get this settled with the registrar.” He smiles. “Happy to have you on board, Jake.”

Jake: I got the job!

Heeseung: Congrats! Proud of you.

Jake: I asked about time commitment before accepting.

Jake: It should be manageable.

Heeseung: I’m happy for you. Do you want to celebrate tonight?

Jake: I have to help get everything in order for the welcome back party tomorrow night :(

Jake: I’m guessing you don’t have an interest in helping me do a deep clean tonight

Heeseung: I can’t say that I ever have an interest in doing a deep clean…

Heeseung: But I don’t mind coming over to help if it means I get to see you tonight.

Jake: Cheesy.

Jake: But also…get over here.

The music is loud. Like really loud. Jake keeps going to turn it down, but someone keeps moving the dial back up every time he leaves the living room. It’s only 11 PM, and the house is already packed with people.

Jake sees Sunoo and Keeho on the dance floor and smiles. They are still in their situation ship, but their energies work really well together.

He makes way into the kitchen, spotting Ni-ki and Jungwon by the snacks. “Have you guys seen Heeseung?” Jake asks looking around. “I saw him when he came in but I haven’t been able to find him again.”

“I think he might be on the porch?” Ni-ki scratches his head. “I saw him an hour ago and he said he needed some air.” He shrugs and then reaches for another handful of potato chips.

Jake shakes his head. “Would it kill you to use a bowl?” Jake points at the disposable bowls next to the snacks.

“It won’t kill me, but it might kill the environment.” Ni-ki smirks.

Jake raises his eyebrows. “I switched to compostable biodegradable bowels.” Jake points at the bowels again. “Looks like you can’t use that excuse anymore.” Ni-ki rolls his eyes, but he grabs one of the bowels and scoops some chips with it.

“Happy?” Ni-ki challenges.

“Very.” Jake nods, smiling. “I’m going to go to try to find Heeseung. Can one of you keep an ear out for whoever keeps trying to blow out our eardrums with the music?” Jungwon nods.

Jake moves back through the house and outside to the front porch. He’s pretty sure he sees Sunghoon and Jay making out in a corner. They have a perfectly good bedroom upstairs, but he isn’t going to ask why they fail to use it. Some things are better left unknown.

Sure enough, Heeseung is sitting on the porch swing staring out at the street. The moon is a waning crescent, so the majority of the light is coming from the porch lamp and the street lights nearby. He plops down next to Heeseung, smiling as Heeseung turns to look at him.

“Too much noise?” Jake asks nodding his head in the direction of the house.

Heeseung nods, grabbing Jake’s hand. “A bit, yeah.” He flips Jake’s hand so that his palm is facing up and then starts tracing circles.

Jake leans his head back against the swing, closing his eyes briefly. “Don’t be.” He opens one eye and says, “I felt like a crotchety old man because I’ve been fighting with whoever keeps blasting the stereo all night.”

Heeseung laughs. “Poor thing, they are out to get you.” Heeseung looks up at the sky. “But, it’s a nice night.”

Jake smiles, following his gaze. Heeseung has their fingers laced together now. Jake lets go, so he can adjust his position on the bench swing seat. He moves so he is laying on his back with his head in Heeseung’s lap and knees pointing up toward the sky.

They swing like that for a couple of minutes and then Jake softly says, “you don’t have to stay if you want to go home.” Jake reaches up and pats Heeseung’s thigh with his hand. “I won’t be offended if you leave.”

Heeseung hums. “I’m exactly where I want to be actually.” Heeseung smiles down at Jake.

Jake snorts. “At a noisy fraternity party with a bunch of drunk college students?” Jake asks skeptically.

Heeseung shakes his head, tucking a strand of Jake’s hair behind his ear. “Sitting outside with my boyfriend on a beautiful night.”

Jake blushes a little. “So corny.” Jake giggles. “You are going to give me a toothache one day with how sweet you are to me.”

Heeseung swats at Jake’s shoulder playfully. “You like it.”

Jake looks up at Heeseung seriously, “I do.”

Jake isn’t sure how long they stay on the swing like that. They chat off and on but for the most part they just sit together in silence. It isn’t until Jake’s alarm goes off at 1 AM that he realizes he needs to start wrapping things up inside. He stretches his body like a cat and then sits up. “I need to start being the fun police.” Jake pouts.

Heeseung smiles. “Go be a buzzkill. I’ll be out here.” Heeseung gestures to the swing. Jake nods. Before he gets up, he leans over to press a quick kiss to Heeseung’s lips. Then, he stands and prepares to fight with the stereo volume once more.

After about an hour of winding things up, people have mostly emptied out. Obviously, everyone who lives in the house is still here, but there only a few other stragglers. The fraternity also makes sure it has two members stay sober so that they can be a designated safe driver option for anyone that gets to drunk. Harua just left with his last trip, which was a handful of philosophy students who live on campus.

Unsurprisingly, Heeseung is still here. Most of the members have already retreated upstairs. Jake looks around at the living room mess and sighs. It’s too much to deal with right now. He glances at Heeseung and then rubs his eyes, blearily. “I’m too tired to deal with this tonight.” Jake says gesturing to the living room. “I’ll work on it in the morning.”

Heeseung nods. “I would say I will try to get up to help you, but I think we both know that’s not going to happen.”

Jake laughs and shakes his head. “You’ve done plenty.” Heeseung begins to reach for his keys.

Jake is struck with an idea. He really isn’t sure it will work. In fact, there is a strong likelihood it won’t, but he is tired enough that he is willing to give it a try. He quickly pulls out his phone and texts Jay.

Jake: Can Heeseung sleep in your bed tonight?

Jay: Sure. But are you ready for that?

Jake: I’m going to leave our room door open, but I think I want to give this a try.

Jake sees Heeseung twirling his keys and then quietly says, “you can sleep in Jay’s bed if you want,” before he can lose his nerve.

Heeseung snaps his head toward Jake and looks at Jake’s face carefully. “Would you really be okay with that?”

Jake nods. “I’ll need to keep the door open all night.” Jake hesitates. “And I’m not sure I will be able to go through with it even then…” Jake cautions. “But I want to try it, at least.”

Heeseung nods. “Okay, we can try.” Heeseung points up the stairs. “But if it seems like you can’t fall asleep because I’m there, just let me know?” Heeseung says “I can leave at any time.” Jake smiles, reaching for and grabbing Heeseung’s hand.

They walk up the stairs and into Jake’s room. It’s a bit messy, but it’s mostly Jay’s fault. Jake moves toward Jay’s dresser and pulls out an oversized shirt and pair of shorts. “I don’t think my shorts would fit.” Jake says, pointing in the direction of his own dresser.

Heeseung nods, accepting the clothing. Jake goes to his shower kit and finds an unopened toothbrush package. He hands it to Heeseung. “You can use anything else from my shower kit, but I figure you might want your own toothbrush.” Heeseung smiles. “There are communal bathrooms down the hall. I’ll let you go ahead and wash up first.”

Heeseung nods and grabs the shower caddy. Once Heeseung leaves, Jake tries straightening up a little. It’s a bit useless, but it calms his nerves. He walks over to Jay’s bed and sniffs the sheets. They smell clean enough, so he figures it will be fine. He goes over to his own dresser and pulls out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. He normally sleeps in a wifebeater or shirtless, but for tonight, he thinks he will feel more comfortable in an actual shirt.

Once, Heeseung returns, Jake grabs the shower caddy from him and goes to the bathroom. He isn’t like Sunoo—he doesn’t have an elaborate skin care routine. Still, he likes to be consistent with it, so he makes sure to do every step even though he’s exhausted and would much rather just climb in bed.

By the time Jake is back from the bathroom, Heeseung is already tucked in Jay’s bed, clutching a pillow. Jake smiles and moves toward his own bed. “Goodnight, Heeseung.”

“Goodnight, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says fondly.

Jake gets up at his normal time, but he doesn’t have he heart to wake Heeseung up. Heeseung apparently extends his whole body when he sleeps, so he is stretched out across Jay’s bed. Jake smiles and then quietly gets his shower caddy and clothes for the day.

After changing, Jake heads downstairs to check the damage. Since it was their welcome-back party, people definitely partied hard. The evidence is all over their house, but Jake starts with the downstairs bathrooms, assuming they will be the worst of messes. They are pretty disgusting, but he just has to power through until other people get up.

But after about two hours of cleaning, no one has gotten up. Sure, it’s 9 AM on a Saturday, but he had assumed someone would wake up. Jake goes to the kitchen to make himself some coffee. And call Jay.

“Hello,” Jay answers, voice groggy.

“Oh good, you’re up.” Jake says. “Come help me clean.”

Jay groans. “I was not up until you called me actually.” Jay says. “And I will be going back to bed after I hang up.”

“You need to help me.” Jake pouts. “No one is up.”

“I’ll send Sunghoon down.” Jay says, though he’s interrupted by what sounds like a very loud slap. Then Jake hears a muffled groan. “I meant we are both going to come down.” Jay mumbles.

“Can you wake other people up on your way down?” Jake asks. “But try not to be too loud. Heeseung is sleeping in our room.”

“So, you don’t mind waking me up, but you want me to be careful of not waking your boyfriend up.” Jay asks.

“He’s not a member. We can’t force him to clean.” Jake says. “Besides, he helped clean before the party even though he didn’t have to.”

Jay mumbles something about favoritism that Jake can’t quite catch and then ends the call. Whatever. Jake will make Jay some coffee and he will be fine.

After about two more hours of cleaning, the place is mostly back to a tolerable condition. Everyone seems extremely tired and hungover, so Jake doesn’t think forcing them to keep going will be well-received.

“This looks good enough.” Jake calls out to the living room. “You all can go back to bed or do whatever else you had planned for your Saturday.” He’s met with some cheers, a couple of groans, and one indistinguishable squawking sound that he’s pretty sure came from Ni-ki.

Jake turns to find Ni-ki toward the back corner of the living room. “How are you even here right now?” Jake asks Ni-ki.

Ni-ki shrugs. “I slept on Jungwon’s floor.” Jake blinks. “I was too tired to head back to the dorms, so Jungwon said I could sleep on the floor in his room.”

“I can’t imagine that was comfortable.” Jake says.

“Actually, it really was.” Ni-ki nods. “I like sleeping on the floor. I think it’s not as common here as it is in other countries, but I think more people should give it a try.”

Jake thinks about that. Honestly, he doesn’t have much experience sleeping on floors, so he can’t really knock it. Besides, he enjoys camping and he’s never bothered by having to sleep in sleeping bags on rough terrain. “Fair enough.” Jake nods.

“Thank you for helping clean up.” Jake gestures. “If you want, I would be down to play soccer in a couple of hours.”

Ni-ki nods excitedly. “Really? I’ll go back and get changed.”

“Just give me two hours.” Jake says. “I need to wake Heeseung up still.”

Ni-ki raises his eyebrows. “He slept over?”

“Not in the way you are suggesting, no.” Jake shakes his head. “But he did sleep in Jay’s bed.”

Ni-ki nods. “Ah, good luck getting him up.” Ni-ki points toward the stairs. “This is still early morning for him.”

Jake laughs. “Yeah, I’m going to bribe him with breakfast…” Jake pauses. “Which is why I need two hours before soccer.”

Ni-ki accepts that and heads toward the front door. Jake heads back up the stairs to his room. Heeseung is still spread across the bed like a starfish. Jake approaches him carefully and nudges his shoulder. “Heeseung, it’s time to get up.” Jake says, softly.

Heeseung groans, burying his head further into his pillow. Jake bites down on a smile and nudges him again. “Come on, we can go get greasy breakfast food.” Jake offers.

Heeseung shakes his head. Jake abandons caution and climbs on Heeseung’s back. He tickles Heeseung’s sides and Heeseung starts squirming. “I’ll stop if you get up.” Jake says, continuing his attack.

“Okay, okay!” Heeseung yells. “I’m up!” Jake relents, lifting up a bit, so Heeseung can roll over. When Jake sits back down, he belatedly realizes where he sitting. Heeseung is sporting some serious morning wood, which honestly, is at least partially Jake’s fault—he didn’t think about the effect tickling could have. Jake stares at the morning wood for a couple of seconds and then slowly gets off of the bed.

“I-uh, I’ll be downstairs. But feel free to use my shower caddy and borrow more of Jay’s clothes.” Jake says looking up at the ceiling. “We’ll go get breakfast.” Jake speed walks out of the dorm and back down the stairs.

Heeseung comes down fifteen minutes later. He doesn’t look upset, just sleepy. He stares at Jake. “I think the sleeping over worked…” Heeseung says. “Waking up could use a little tweaking.”

Jake snorts. “I own that one. My bad.” Jake says, purposefully avoiding looking down. “Next time I’ll use ice water.” Jake shrugs, heading toward the front door.

“You’re sadistic.” Heeseung groans, following him.

“I can’t wait for initiation to be over.” Jake groans, face-planting on his bed.

“Was it this much work last year? Did I just block it out?” Jay asks rubbing his hands over his eyes. He stares at his computer with all the initiation logistics and spreadsheets.

“You blocked it out.” Sunghoon confirms. He’s on Jay’s bed, scrolling on his phone. “You both blocked it out apparently.” He says throwing a pillow at Jake. Jake lets out a small grunt.

“With my TA stuff, my classes, and initiation, I have barely gotten to spend any time with Heeseung.” Jake whines.

“He’s slept in Jay’s bed twice in the last week.” Sunghoon frowns.

“Yeah, but both times we were so tired that we literally just slept.” Jake says, rolling over so he can face Sunghoon.

“Would you be up for doing anything more than just sleeping?” Sunghoon asks, curiously.

Jake stares at him carefully. “What do you mean?”

“I know you guys are taking it slow, so I guess I am asking what’s the most your comfortable with and whether you’ve actually tried it?” Sunghoon pauses. “Is this what you mean about me being pervy?” He asks Jay.

“A little bit.” Jay winces. “But I think he means from a place of care as opposed to a desire to know about your sex life.” Jay says to Jake.

Jake nods. “The farthest we’ve gone is making out…” Jake says. “And we’ve only done that like 2 or 3 times.” Jake pauses. “The last time we made out, I wasn’t opposed to the idea of…” Jake thinks for how to say it. “I wasn’t opposed to exploring further.” Jake says. “But I also didn’t try for anything more, so nothing more happened.”

Sunghoon nods. “Okay, so after initiation, maybe you can try exploring further the next time he sleeps over.”

Jay frowns at his bed. “If you try that when he’s in my bed, then you better wash my fucking sheets.” Jay gestures to Jake’s bed. “Or better yet, use your own bed.”

“Not ready to use my bed yet.” Jake shakes his head. “But, unlike some people in this dorm, I do wash things before returning them back to people.”

“I don’t think you get to be mad at me for that.” Jay smirks. “By me doing that, I caused you to text Heeseung on accident.” Jay points out. “Without me, you two wouldn’t have met.”

Jake blinks. “Fuck off.” He mutters, lacking any real comeback because Jay is right. Without Jay’s gross underwear, Jake and Heeseung wouldn’t have met.

They had reserved a large school ballroom for the initiation dinner. Despite all the hassle, initiation is one of Jake’s favorite events each year. While Jay and Jake removed most of the cult-like rituals and sadistic hazing, they kept certain initiation pledge bonding traditions. They also revamped the initiation process to center around acceptance and brotherhood—the culmination of which is a dinner at the beginning of second semester.

The acceptance ceremony starts with Jay’s introduction speech. Then, after Jay’s introduction, each pledge has to get up on stage and give a speech and a gift. The speech must be made at the podium to everyone, but the gift can be to either the entire fraternity or just one member. The only requirement for the gift is that it must be something given to show your appreciation for the fraternity. Some people lean into the sentimental and give a gift to a member that helped them; others donate to a pre-approved cause in the name of the fraternity; and still others buy practical items, equipment or furniture for the fraternity house.

Once the speeches and gifts are done, Jay leads the pledges through the oath. The pledges then have to walk around and shake each fraternity member’s hand. Once that is done, Jake reads the rights and responsibilities that the pledges now have as full-fledged members.

Then, they eat. Because an initiation is not complete without food.

Currently, they are going through the speeches. They’ve had a good mix of sentimental and silly and there are only a couple more pledges left.

Harua had bought the frat house more cooking supplies which Jay had been extremely grateful for. His speech had been light-hearted yet sincere. Jake looks toward the remaining pledges and sees Ni-ki is approaching the podium.

Ni-ki coughs into the mic a couple of times and then starts.

“So, uh. I’m pretty shit at this kind of thing.” Ni-ki scratches the back of his neck. “But, I am going to try to get over the cringe so I can say what I feel.” Ni-ki closes his eyes. “Coming to college a year early wasn’t an easy decision.” Ni-ki pauses looking at Taki. “Being younger I was scared that (1) either no would take me seriously or (2) people would take advantage of me.” He looks down at his notecards on the podium.

“I really didn’t know if I would be able to make it here on my own because my family lives far away and I had a lot of doubt in myself.” Ni-ki nods at Taki. “But, thanks to Taki, I was immediately introduced to this fraternity.” He looks around the room. “At first, I wasn’t sure if I suited the fraternity lifestyle. I had a lot of preconceived notions.” Ni-ki winks at Sunghoon, who smiles widely.

“But, those pretty much changed as soon as I met Jake.” Ni-ki blushes. Jake feels his heart go soft. “I’ve never met someone so authentically kind and so willing to make me feel included.” Ni-ki says, adamantly looking down instead of at Jake. “Also, don’t worry Jay, I will compliment you next.” Ni-ki looks up at Jay, who is indeed pouting.

“Back to Jake.” Ni-ki says, still refusing to look in Jake’s direction. “He didn’t treat me like I was an immature kid who was incapable of understanding things, but he also always volunteered to play with me outside or listen to me when I got frustrated by school.” Jake places his palm over his heart. Ni-ki is rarely sentimental, so he’s going to savor this moment. “As totally cringe as it sounds, he treats me like I am his brother and I don’t think I would have made it through this last year semester without him.” He finally looks at Jake and gives him a very shy smile. Then, he immediately flips his hair in front of his face.

“Don’t worry, Jay.” Ni-ki chuckles. “I didn’t forget.” The whole room joins Ni-ki in laughing.

“Jay has been my protector since I got to this school.” Ni-ki says. “I think a lot the pledges feel the same way.” Ni-ki looks at the other pledges, who are nodding. “He makes sure to support all of us emotionally, mentally, nutritionally… and even financially.” Ni-ki smirks.

Jay rolls his eyes, but his grin is huge. Jake can tell he’s pleased by the compliment.

“From little things like making sure we know how to get to our classes to big things like letting me come home with him during winter break, Jay has been there to support us all.” Ni-ki nods. “And I couldn’t think of a more inspiring fraternity president than him.”

Unlike Jake who is totally and completely fine, Jay is definitely crying. Jake nudges Jay and whispers, “softie.” Jay nudges him back. “Your eyes are very watery right now. I don’t think you get to judge.”

“Anyway, I think that’s enough emotions from me for the next four years.” Ni-ki says. “But I will close this out with my gift.” Ni-ki reaches down and pulls out a piece of artwork. It’s framed, and it appears to be comic-book type art style with all the members standing on the pier of a lake. Jake knows the exact picture that the drawing reflects. Underneath the drawing is the phrase, “The Best Family Ever.”

Jay’s tears intensify, and Jake has to cough a couple times to clear his throat.

Ni-ki sets he frame down next to the other gifts and then runs toward his seat. Gunwook is next to give a speech and he looks around helplessly. “How the hell am I supposed to follow that?”

Everyone laughs and Jake’s heart feels incredibly warm. This is what Jake always wanted when he joined a fraternity, and he’s happy that he and Jay have been able to build it.

Once the speeches are done and the rest of the formal ceremony is over, Jake shoots Heeseung a quick text during dinner.

Jake: Be warned, I am in a very sappy mood tonight.

Heeseung: Ni-ki’s speech made you cry, right?

Jake: How did you already hear about that???

Jake: And I didn’t cry…My eyes just watered a little.

Heeseung: Whatever you say, sweetheart.

Heeseung: But Ni-ki ran his speech by me to practice…I was crying about two seconds in.

Jake: My poor little romantic. I can only imagine.

Heeseung: I’m glad he made you feel good though. You deserve to be told how amazing you are.

Jake: Don’t take advantage of my sappy state! Unfair

Jake: I might be compelled to say something like: texting the wrong number was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Heeseung: Ooo you are in a sappy mood.

Heeseung: What if I said that hearing from you is always the best part of my day.

Heeseung: Or that your voice feels like home.

Heeseung: Or I love spending time with you more than I love sleeping in.

Jake: This is Jay. I have confiscated Jake’s phone because he’s making these horrible puppy dog eyes at it, and honestly, I can’t take it. I want to enjoy my dinner without feeling like I have to vomit.

Heeseung: Strong words for someone who calls their boyfriend his forever partner.

Jay:…no comment.

Chapter Text

[Heeseung POV]

Jaeyun: Remind me why I took musical theater again???

Heeseung: Because you needed an arts class to fulfill your gen ed credit and you could take it online.

Jaeyun: It’s surprisingly time-consuming :<

Heeseung: It’s Tuesday though. Didn’t you plan to do your online work on Mondays?

Jaeyun: I did, but yesterday was a holiday…

Jaeyun: So, I am trying to do some before my Mathematical Methods of Physics class at noon.

Jaeyun: Also, aren’t you in class right now?

Heeseung: Please tell me you are also eating lunch.

Heeseung: And yeah, it’s my queer music class.

Jaeyun: I’ll just eat after class. Is that really what your class is called?

Heeseung: Your physics class goes until 1:50 and then you have your TA discussion at 2…

Heeseung: And no, the course title is just really long: “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Perspectives in Pop Music.”

Jaeyun: I’ll be fine, dear.

Heeseung: I very much doubt that.

When Heeseung gets out of his queer music class, he books it to the cafeteria. He still has about an hour until Jaeyun gets out of class, but he has to make it all the way back to the physics building so he can catch Jaeyun during his ten-minute break.

He could have gone somewhere closer to the physics building for food, but there is a convenience store next to the cafeteria that always carries Jaeyun’s favorite ramyeon.

After grabbing the ramyeon, he spots a pack of home run balls. Jaeyun is obsessed with home run balls. Heeseung doesn’t really get it, but he knows they will make Jaeyun happy. It’s not really the most nutritious lunch, but Jaeyun likely doesn’t have time for anything more substantial. As it is, Heeseung is going to have to use the kitchen in the library close to the physics hall so he can heat up the ramyeon.

After walking back and cooking the ramyeon, Heeseung gets to the physics building with only a couple of minutes to spare. A few students look at him as they walk past, he looks a little out of place in this building. He is wearing a beanie, lavender sweatpants with random splotches of paint, a green jacket that is missing the drawstring, and a tie-dye shirt with holes in it. His class had started at eleven this morning, so there was no chance he was going to put into any effort getting ready.

Before he can think too much, the door to Jaeyun’s physics class opens and students begin to rush out. Jaeyun is behind a blonde girl with big curls. He is frowning and checking his phone. He shakes his head. Heeseung assumes he is finally realizing he doesn’t have enough time to go grab food.

“Jaeyun.” Heeseung calls from across the hall. Jaeyun’s head snaps up. He smiles when he sees Heeseung and then makes his way over. Heeseung hands Jaeyun the warm cup of ramyeon that and then grabs his backpack so he can dig out the home run balls.

“What’s this?” Jaeyun asks, confused.

“Lunch.” Heeseung shrugs. “I told you that you wouldn’t have time after your class.” Heeseung points out, handing the home run balls to Jaeyun.

Jaeyun looks at the ramyeon and snack and then back at Heeseung. “If I wasn’t starving and, in a hurry to get to my next class, I would kiss you right now.” Jaeyun smiles. “Seriously, thank you, Hee.”

“And you got me home run balls.” He shakes the snack package excitedly. “These are my favorite.”

“I know, you goofball.” Heeseung laughs. “Go to your next class so you have time to eat the ramyeon before your discussion section starts.”

Jake nods and starts walking in the direction of the stairs, but he looks back at Heeseung a couple of times with a goofy smile. Heeseung suspects he is wearing a similar smile on his own face.

Jake: You’re so good to me. Thank you <3

Heeseung stands in the fraternity kitchen, waiting for the popcorn to be done. Typically, movie nights happen at Heeseung’s. But this Friday, Jaeyun had shyly asked if they could watch a movie at the fraternity house so Heeseung could sleep over in Jay’s bed.

The kitchen is pretty empty since there isn’t a party here tonight. It’s just Jungwon and Sunghoon playing Omok at the kitchen table. And, either Sunghoon sucks... or Jungwon is incredible because each game does not last very long.

“I wouldn’t do that…” Heeseung says to Sunghoon, who is moving a piece.

“Shhhh…” Jungwon glares. “Do what your heart desires, Sunghoon.”

Sunghoon stares at the board and then at Heeseung helplessly. Okay, Sunghoon sucks at this then. Sunghoon shrugs and then continues moving the piece. One move later and Jungwon wins again.

“Shit.” Sunghoon mutters. “How did I miss that?”

Heeseung shakes his head and turns back to the microwave. He pours the popcorn in a red bowl and then grabs a couple of sodas from the fridge.

“Have fun continuing to dominate, Jungwon.” Heeseung says to the two. Jungwon smiles.

“Hey!” Sunghoon shouts at Heeseung’s back. “I’m going to win this next game. You just wait and see.” Heeseung laughs as he heads up the stairs.

But, when he gets to Jaeyun’s room, he is confused.

Jaeyun had told him to go downstairs and make some popcorn. Heeseung had assumed Jaeyun would be setting up his laptop when Heeseung was downstairs, but instead the lights are off and Jaeyun is laying in his bed. There is a fake candle on the nightstand—Jaeyun doesn’t like the fire hazard of having real ones in a dorm—and soft music coming from Jaeyun’s desk.

“Uh, Jaeyun?” Heeseung scratches his head, still frozen in the doorway. “There is a clear way for me to read this, but I really want to make sure I am reading it right.”

Jaeyun nods, motioning for Heeseung to come over. “Leave the popcorn on the desk…” Jaeyun takes a deep breath. “And shut the door.”

Heeseung feels like a teenager because the blood travels to his dick at an alarming rate. He does what Jaeyun says and moves closer to his bed.

Jaeyun is wearing a wifebeater and basketball shorts and Heeseung is already desperate to touch him. Jaeyun already knows about Heeseung’s affinity for his collarbones, but Heeseung also loves Jaeyun’s delicate waist. Jaeyun covers it up in baggy clothes a lot, but right now in the wifebeater, Jake’s waist is fully on display.

“How do you want me?” Heeseung asks before he gets on the bed. Jaeyun frowns and then sits up. He stares at the bed for a few seconds and then back at Heeseung.

“Maybe you lay down and I hover over you?” Jaeyun asks, voice shaking a little. Heeseung nods. He gets on the bed and stretches out his legs. Once he’s lying down, Jaeyun straddles his legs, fully sitting on Heeseung’s thighs.

Jaeyun grabs Heeseungs hands and places them palms up on the bed. “I-uh…” Jaeyun brushes the inside of Heeseung’s wrists with his thumbs. “I’m not ready for everything, but I thought we could try going a little further than making out tonight?” Jaeyun asks.

Heeseung nods. “You lead the pace, baby.”

Jaeyun nods, leaning down to kiss Heeseung. He moves his lips to Heeseung’s neck and then slowly begins to grind his dick against Heeseung’s. Their clothes are still on so the friction is a bit rough, but Heeseung isn’t going to stop him. Instead, Heeseung grabs Jaeyun’s waist and asks, “okay?” Jaeyun nods, still sucking on Heeseung’s neck.

The pace of Jaeyun’s grinding quickly increases and Heeseung can already feel his jeans growing uncomfortable around his erection.

Jaeyun rests his head between Heeseung’s neck and shoulder, and the two rock like together for a few minutes. The speed isn’t fast and the friction starts to become a little unbearable. Heeseung eventually lets out a pained groan.

Jaeyun smirks down at him. Then, he takes Heeseung’s hand and moves it up toward the front of Jaeyun’s gym shorts. “You sure?” Heeseung asks, breathlessly.

Jaeyun nods. “I’m sure.” Jaeyun’s own hand slips over Heeseung’s painfully tight jeans. Heeseung groans again. Jaeyun smiles. “You like that?”

Heeseung nods. “More. Unzip them, please.” Heeseung whines.

Jaeyun giggles and then unzips Heeseung’s pants. He starts rubbing Heeseung’s dick through his underwear and then says, “me too. Touch me too.”

Heeseung moans. Loudly. But he doesn’t need to be told twice. He sneaks his hand inside Jaeyun’s gym shorts and that’s when he realizes Jaeyun isn’t wearing any underwear. Heeseung lets out a surprised noise, removing his hand quickly. “You’re…” Heeseung trails off.

“I know.” Jaeyun smiles. “It’s okay. Touch me.”

Heeseung nods. He lifts his hand up to his mouth so he can spit on it and then he moves his hand back underneath Jaeyun’s gym shorts.

Heeseung maybe touches Jaeyun’s dick for a second, but then it’s like Heeseung stepped on a trip wire. All of a sudden Jaeyun starts shaking and quietly saying, “no.” Heeseung immediately releases and removes his hand from Jaeyun’s pants. Jaeyun backs into to the corner of his bed, pulling himself into a ball. His entire body is trembling and his eyes are glassy.

“Jaeyun?” Heeseung asks, gently.

Jaeyun looks up at Heeseung, still muttering to himself. He brings his hands to his hair and pulls. Heeseung wants to help him, but he doesn’t know what to do. Jaeyun starts hyperventilating, but between breaths, he whispers, “Dandelion.”

Heeseung nods, immediately getting off the bed. He walks out the door and starts walking down the stairs. It isn’t until he’s halfway down the stairs that he remembers his pants are still unzipped. He stops and zips his pants and then continues to the kitchen were Jungwon and Sunghoon still are. Jay has joined them.

“Not sure if he wants to see anyone right now, but he’s probably going to need someone to hang out with later.” Heeseung says pointing upstairs to Jaeyun.

“I’ll have my phone on me at home, but I’m not sure talking to me will be what he wants tonight.” Heeseung shrugs.

“Did something happen?” Jungwon’s eyes narrow.

“Down, Jungwon.” Jay sighs. “His plan to explore didn’t go well I take it?”

Heeseung blushes and shakes his head. “Too much, too fast, I think.”

Jay and Sunghoon nod. Jungwon looks at them confused, but he doesn’t look like he wants to kill Heeseung, so he considers that a win.

“I’m going to head home, but text me if you need me…or if he needs me…” Heeseung trails off. “I’ll have my phone.”

Sunghoon nods, frowning. Jay gets up to head to the stairs.

Jaeyun: I feel like an idiot.

Heeseung: You shouldn’t.

Heeseung: Wanting to give that a try tonight was a really big step.

Jaeyun: But I had to safe word.

Jaeyun: I couldn’t even handle you being around me after I freaked out.

Heeseung: The point of the safe word is so that you can use it to feel safe. I’m not mad that you used it.

Jaeyun: It sucks.

Jaeyun: I know you might not believe me, but I want you so bad.

Jaeyun: I want to do those kinds of things with you.

Heeseung: Of course, I believe you. I want you badly as well. But we don’t have to rush it, Jaeyun.

Jaeyun: What if I can never do more than make out with you?

Heeseung: Then that’s all we’ll do.

Jaeyun: You’d be satisfied with a sexless relationship?

Heeseung: I’m satisfied with what I have with you right now.

Jaeyun: But, I want to do more. I really do. I thought I was ready tonight.

Heeseung: We don’t have to stop trying. Just because you weren’t ready tonight, doesn’t mean you never will be.

Heeseung: Besides, I actually think there is a different step we could try before doing what we tried tonight.

Jaeyun: ???

Heeseung: What’s your opinion on sexting? No pictures. Just words.

Jaeyun: Def can’t do pictures.

Jaeyun: But words…

Jaeyun: That might work…

Jaeyun: Right now?

Heeseung stares at the text. He was not thinking of sexting right now, no. Witnessing Jaeyun have a panic attack and then worrying about him for the last two hours had been a very quick way to curb his libido. Still, he doesn’t want to shut Jaeyun down immediately.

Heeseung: Are you in the mood for that right now?

Jaeyun: I spent the whole day thinking you were going to touch my dick and then it didn’t happen because of me. So, I am both emotionally and sexually frustrated right now.

Heeseung: So that’s a yes?

Jaeyun: Yes. I want to try it.

Heeseung sighs. He’s not sure if this is a good idea, but he also doesn’t want Jaeyun to lose his confidence any further tonight. Besides, the texting should, in theory, give Jaeyun a better sense of control.

Heeseung: So, you thought about me touching you. Tell me about it.

Jaeyun: You touched my dick.

Jaeyun: Ugh. I can already tell I’m not good at this. I’ve never done this before.

Heeseung intervenes before Jaeyun can spiral too much.

Heeseung: Where are you right now?

Jaeyun: In my bed. I changed into new pajamas.

Heeseung: What are you wearing?

Jaeyun: A t-shirt and boxers. What about you?

Heeseung strips off his jeans and his shirt before climbing into his bed. He doesn’t think replying he’s still in the same outfit would be a good idea.

Heeseung: I’m just in my bed in my boxers.

Jaeyun: What are you doing in your bed?

Heeseung’s grabs his dick. It's very much still flaccid, but he doesn’t think that image would really be an inspiring visual. He leaves that part out.

Heeseung: Stroking myself.

Jaeyun: Same.

Heeseung: I wish I could touch you. Do you want to hear what I would do if I was there?

Jaeyun: Please.

Heeseung imagines Jaeyun’s breathy voice begging, and his dick twitches in his hand. He’s not hard yet, but he’s getting there.

Heeseung: Well, first I would suck on your lip a little. The bottom one.

Heeseung: Do you know how many fantasies I have about your bottom lip?

Jaeyun: You do?

Heeseung definitely does. Granted, a good number of his fantasies involve Jaeyun’s lips around Heeseung’s dick, but he doesn’t think Jaeyun is ready for that just yet. He starts smaller.

Heeseung: Your lips drive me crazy. I can’t resist them, so I’d start there. I’d probably bite your lip since I know you like it when I do that.

Jaeyun: I do like it. I love it. So hot.

Heeseung: Once you start moaning and begging me to touch you, I would slide my hand down your chest…slowly.

Jaeyun: Please, Heeseung.

Heeseung: That’s it, baby. But I don’t want to rush, so I’d still be inching my way down.

Heeseung can imagine Jake getting keyed up by Heeseung’s teasing. He pictures Jaeyun whining and squirming underneath him. Heeseung wants to tease him just a little more.

Heeseung: Finally, just as I get to the band of your boxers, I would move my hand away.

Jaeyun: Move it back. Please.

Heeseung: I need some lube first, so it’s not painful.

Heeseung: Do you have lube near you Jaeyun?

Jaeyun: Yes, it’s right here on my bed.

Heeseung groans.

Heeseung: Go ahead and pull down your boxers and then put some lube on your hand.

Jaeyun: Then, what?

Heeseung: Grab yourself gently. It should feel like your fingers are barely there.

Jaeyun: More. I need more.

Heeseung: We will get there. I want to take my time appreciating you.

Jaeyun: Oh god.

Heeseung: Grab your dick a little tighter and start stroking it. Not too hard just yet. Gentle strokes, okay

The image of Jaeyun following his instructions has Heeseung worked up. His own dick is begging for Heeseung to jack off in earnest, but Heeseung refrains.

Jaeyun: Fuck, I’m so close already and you’ve barely touched me.

Heeseung: My baby is sensitive…good to know.

Heeseung: I would play with the tip of your dick. I would spread your leaking pre-come everywhere. Mixing it with the lube.

Jaeyun: There’s already so much pre-come.

Heeseung: Good, boy. You’re so good at getting wet for me.

Jaeyun: Fuck.

Heeseung: Are you ready for me to go faster, Jaeyun.

Jaeyun: Yes, please. I need it.

Heeseung: All right then. I would start moving my hand faster.

Heeseung: The lube and pre-com would be making obscene sounds as my hand moves across your dick.

Jaeyun: Fuck, I’m not gonna last.

Heeseung: You’re going to come for me already, baby?

Heeseung: Do it. Come.

Jaeyun: Fuck, I came. I actually just came.

Jaeyun: And I screamed your name.

The image of Jaeyun coming all over himself while screaming Heeseung’s name is too much for Heeseung. He only needs three quick strokes before he comes. Heeseung barely has time to wipe the cum off his hands before Jaeyun is calling him.

“Hi, baby.” Heeseung says softly. “You, okay?”

Jaeyun lets out a little laugh. “I’m more than okay.” Jaeyun says.

“I’m so proud of you, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says seriously. “I need you to know that.”

Jaeyun is quiet for a few moments and then says, “Thank you, Heeseung.” He sighs. “For everything that you do for me.”

“You do a lot for me too.” Heeseung says. “I definitely just got off to the image of you screaming my name.”

Jaeyun laughs. “It was loud. I full on yelled.”

“Good.” Heeseung pauses. “You’re very hot, Jaeyun.”

Jaeyun lets out a cute giggle and Heeseung melts.

Heeseung and Sunoo have been trying to schedule this dinner all month, but their schedules seem to be at odds with each other. Tonight, they are finally able to meet at a sushi place near campus.

“Well, look who it is.” Sunoo laughs, opening his arms for a hug.

“I know, I know.” Heeseung says, hugging him back. “I suck. I’ve bailed on you a couple times.”

“If you and Jake weren’t so cute together, I’d be more pissed about it.” Sunoo shrugs. “Speaking of, what’s he doing tonight?” Sunoo asks. “I’m assuming his lack of availability is what made you agree to tonight.”

Heeseung winces. “I deserved that.” Heeseung says as they walk to a table. “But you know I love spending time with you, Sunoo.”

“Sure.” Sunoo nods, eyes playful. “So where is he?” Sunoo sits down at a table for two near the back of the restaurant.

Heeseung sighs. “Tuesdays are his busy days. He has office hours until 6 and then he likes to go to the gym to burn off steam. Then he heads to the engineering library to study with Taki.”

“You’ve memorized his schedule.” Sunoo rolls his eyes. “Is that gross or cute?”

Heeseung sits down in the chair across from Sunoo. “I’m sure you have Keeho’s schedule memorized.” Heeseung mutters.

“I definitely don’t.” Sunoo shakes his head. “I don’t even know what classes he’s taking.”

Heeseung frowns. He wonders how Sunoo is supposed to know when he can meet up with Keeho if the two don’t know each other’s schedules. Then again, Sunoo says he and Keeho are in a situationship, not a relationship, so maybe there are different rules that Heeseung isn’t aware of.

“Even if it is because your golden retriever lover boy is busy, I am happy you made the time to see me tonight.” Sunoo smiles. “I could use some sushi and some gossip.”

“I might let you down there.” Heeseung says. “I don’t have any gossip.”

“Seriously?” Sunoo blinks. “You go to frat parties now, but you still don’t have any gossip to contribute to these dinners?”

“I go to frat parties and I sit quietly by myself, with Jaeyun or with Ni-ki until the party is over.” Heeseung shrugs.

Sunoo rolls his eyes. “I want to complain, but I won’t.” Sunoo smiles. “You used to never leave your apartment, so I consider sitting in the corner of a frat party to be an upgrade.”

Heeseung nods. Then, he remembers what happened this week. “Ah, I do have news.” Heeseung leans in dramatically. Sunoo’s eyebrows raise but he leans in as well. “This past week, Ni-ki and I beat the last level of the game we started last semester.” Heeseung offers. “It was pretty epic.”

Sunoo blinks. Then, he tosses his napkin at Heeseung. “Riveting.” Sunoo says, sarcastically. “Fortunately, I came prepared.” He claps his hands together. “And I have plenty of gossip to get us through dinner.

Heeseung smiles, motioning for Sunoo to continue. He doesn’t know who most of the people are in Sunoo’s stories, but he listens carefully anyway. Sunoo is known to quiz Heeseung if he thinks Heeseung isn’t paying enough attention.

“Hi, can you come over for dinner tonight?” Heeseung says as he walks out of his Engineering and Production class. “I have some good news.”

Jaeyun hums on the other end. “Can I come early and bring my homework?”

“Sure. I can order us takeout.” Heeseung looks at the time on his phone. “It’s almost 4, so would you want to come over around 5?”

“Sure.” Jaeyun agrees. “Can I get a hint on what your news is about?” Heeseung smiles. He doesn’t want to give it away, but a little spoiler can’t hurt.

“It’s about Shout Out.” Heeseung says. Jaeyun lets out a surprised sound.

“Well, my interest is peaked.” Jaeyun laughs. “I’ll be over around 5.”

Jaeyun arrives on time, and Heeseung puts in the food order. Before Heeseung can even ask Jaeyun what he wants to do for an hour, Jaeyun heads over to Heeseung’s couch. He starts pulling out his books and laptop. He looks over at Heeseung. “You’re going to make me wait until dinner to tell me the news, right?”

Heeseung laughs. “It’s only one more hour.”

Jaeyun sighs. “Fine.” He pouts. “But don’t district me then. I need to finish my homework for Analytic Mechanics.”

Heeseung waives his hands in surrender. “I’ll go to my bed, so you have the whole living room.” Jaeyun nods. Heeseung has homework that he should be doing, but he doesn’t have class on Fridays so he’ll just do it tomorrow. He messages Ni-ki.

Heeseung: You got time to play an hour of FIFA?

Ni-ki: Don’t tell Jake. He made me promise I would study today because we are playing a soccer game tomorrow night.

Heeseung looks over at the living room. Jaeyun has his noise cancelling headphones on. He should be able to play without Jaeyun noticing.

Heeseung: Deal.

Ni-ki: Logging on now.

Heeseung gets so wrapped up in the game, he doesn’t hear the delivery man knock at the front door. It isn’t until Jaeyun is tapping on his shoulder that he realizes it’s been over an hour.

“Uhhhh, shit.” Heeseung looks at the FIFA screen. “I’m sorry Ni-ki.” Heeseung mutters into his headphones. Ni-ki makes a loud squawking sound that Heeseung is pretty sure Jaeyun hears because he lets out a startled laugh.

“Ni-ki is in so much trouble when I see him tomorrow.” Heeseung winces.

“It was my fault. I peer pressured him.” Heeseung tries.

Jaeyun rolls his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure it took a lot of convincing.” He points to the kitchen. “The food’s here by the way.”

Heeseung nods. “I’ll be right there. Just need to log off.” Jaeyun shakes his head again, biting down on his smile.

“You’re on your own kid.” Heeseung says into the mic. “Better start working on your homework so you don’t have to face his wrath.”

“You suck.” Ni-ki sulks. “But, duly noted.”

Heeseung goes to the kitchen, but Jaeyun has already set the table and taken the food out of the to-go bags. “It got here faster than I thought.”

Jaeyun laughs. “Amazing how quickly time flies when you’re procrastinating.”

Heeseung pouts. “Are you mad?” He asks, sitting down across from Jaeyun.

Jaeyun smiles. “No.” He shakes his head. “You’re a grown adult. I trust you know your schedule and workload.” Jaeyun frowns. “Ni-ki on the other hand…” Jaeyun takes a sip of the water in front of him.

Heeseung laughs. “Valid.” He scoops some of the chicken onto his plate. Then some rice and kimchi.

“Okay, I can’t take it any longer.” Jaeyun sets down his glass of water. “I need to know the news.”

Heeseung nods, setting down his utensils. “Okay, so you know how Shout Out was my capstone project required for graduation?” Jaeyun nods. “Well, the professors on the panel always suggest for us to submit our projects to companies just to finish the drill so to speak.” Heeseung says.

Heeseung pauses, to eat a piece of chicken. “I didn’t think anything would come from it, but I just got an email today about it.” Heeseung continues after he’s finished chewing. “I guess they want to use the song for one for their group’s albums this year.”

“Heeseung!” Jaeyun claps excitedly. “Your song is getting produced on an album!” He smiles widely. “I’m so proud of you.” He reaches across the table to grab Heeseung’s hand. “The song is so special and I’m so glad that the company saw that.”

“I have to include your name as part of my team.” Heeseung blushes, looking at his food. “For the credits it will me, my TA that suggested some revisions during office hours, and you.”

“I don’t think one line really warrants my inclusion.” Jaeyun says.

Heeseung shakes his head, letting go of Jaeyun’s hand. He holds up one finger. “First, that’s my favorite line in the whole song.” He holds up a second finder. “Second, it is actually illegal for me to not include you.”

Jaeyun rolls his eyes. “Well, you have my permission.” He stares at Heeseung softly. “I am really so proud of you.” Jaeyun smiles, reclaiming Heeseung’s hand. “You deserve this after all the hard work you put into that song last semester.”

Heeseung squeezes Jaeyun’s hand. “Thank you.”

“I should tell Ms. Macintyre that she inspired a hit song.” Jaeyun muses. “She would probably get a kick out of that.” He giggles, covering his mouth with his free hand.

“When the album gets produced, we can leave her a copy.” Heeseung nods. “You can just put it on her desk and say track #5 is inspired by her picture.”

Jaeyun smiles. “She would love that, honestly.”

The two of them finish eating and Jaeyun does the dishes. Jaeyun looks over at his homework on the couch. He shakes his head. Jaeyun stands up and walks to where he is standing in front of the sink. “I just want to cuddle and watch some tv with you.” Jaeyun turns around, staring up at Heeseung.

“Look who’s procrastinating now.” Heeseung smiles, wrapping his arms around Jaeyun’s waist. “I’m telling Ni-ki tomorrow.”

Jaeyun gasps. “You wouldn’t dare.” He lightly hits Heeseung’s shoulder.

Heeseung leans down to give Jaeyun a quick kiss the crown of his head. “Try me.” Jaeyun lets out his loud laugh. The one that Heeseung loves. Heeseung kisses his head one more time and then breaks away, leading Jaeyun toward the couch.

Chapter Text

[Jake POV]

Jungwon: Okay, so you’re not going to like this…

Jake: That’s an ominous text tbh

Jungwon: So, I may be having a meeting tomorrow where they are deciding whether I need to be kicked out of the fraternity…But don’t worry Jay is helping me take care of it

Jake: Um. Why haven’t I heard anything about this? What happened?

Jungwon: Jay and I have purposefully kept you out of this and will continue to do so.

Jungwon: Long story short…it was reported that I broke someone’s nose at a party last weekend.

Jake: Do I want to know whether that is true or not?

Jungwon: The guy fell. I had nothing to do with it.

Jake: Can you call me so we can run through this from the beginning? I am still really lost.

Jungwon: I’ll just come upstairs. You’re home, right?

Jake: I’m actually at Heeseung’s. I can tell him to put headphones on though?

Jungwon: Nah, it’s fine. He can know.

Jake: He will be touched that you have finally decided to like him.

Jungwon: It’s annoying that he’s too good for me to dislike him.

Jake laughs at his phone and Heeseung looks over at him curiously. He had a meeting with his professor today for his directed membership, so he picked up Jake on the way home and they grabbed dinner along the way. But since it’s Monday, Jake is stuck during his musical theater work on the couch while Heeseung games at his desk.

Jake motions for Heeseung to come over. He just hands his phone so Heeseung can read Jungwon’s texts. Heeseung frowns after reading through them and then gets startled when the phone starts ringing.

“Hello?” Jake says taking the phone from Heeseung and puts it on speaker.

“Hi,” Jungwon says. “I’m not going to give a lot of details because that would kind defeat the purpose of leaving you out.”

“Okay…” Jake says, still very confused. “So then why tell me anything at all?”

Jungwon sighs. “I don’t trust the assholes we are dealing with and I don’t want them to surprise you.”

“You mean the guy who fell down the stairs?” Jake asks rubbing his forehead. Heeseung scoots closer putting an arm around shoulder. Jake leans into Heeseung, letting his sweet scent ground him.

“Well, he can’t surprise you from what I understand. Legally he can’t approach you.” Heeseung tightens his hold around Jake, rubbing his shoulder. Jake suddenly understands why he has been left in the dark.

“Okay, so you have now learned the identity of my ex. And I’m assuming that’s why I haven’t been involved.” Jake sighs, fighting to keep his voice calm. “So, who is going to be surprising me?”

“Basically, I was at a party and he was there with friends.” Jungwon hesitates. “Jay was able to work out a deal to keep me in the fraternity, but I think a lot of his friends were salty about that.” Jungwon sighs. “And since they witnessed how protective I was over you…” Jungwon trails off.

“You think I am going to get an influx of visitors during my office hours this week?” Jake guesses. Heeseung stiffens.

“Yes.” Jungwon says. “I mean we told admin, and they said that the individuals have been instructed not to go anywhere near you…” Heeseung keeps rubbing Jake’s shoulder. “But it wouldn’t the first time someone disobeyed that particular instruction.” Jungwon says, darkly.

Before Jake can say anything, Heeseung says, “I’ll do my work in the hallway during his office hours this week.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary…” Jake shakes his head. “There are other professors and TAs that will be in the physics building during my office hours.” Jake deeps a deep breath. Honestly, he used to get nervous that the people kicked out of frats would follow him around campus, but it hadn’t happened. Jake assumes this situation will be largely the same.

“I can understand why you and Jay would be worried, but they would be incredibly dumb to harass me in front of my colleagues.” Jake says. “Even if they do come by my office, I’m pretty sure they will leave once they realize it’s not a very seclusive location.”

“Will you be okay if you see them though?” Jungwon asks. “Jay didn’t give me much detail but he said seeing your ex had been a lot last semester.”

Jake pinches his thigh. “Joongi can’t come near me because of the restraining order.” He says firmly. He’s not sure if that is for Jungwon or for himself. “And his friends don’t have the same effect on me…” Jake trails off. And that is true. Jake has seen some of Joongi’s friends on campus and it hasn’t caused the same level of panic that seeing Joongi had.

“Are you sure the meeting will go okay tomorrow?” Jake changes the subject. “Do you need anything from me?”

“Nah. It’s fine. We’ve got it covered.” Jungwon says. “I have to do community service for the school and I have to be the sober driver for every party we host, but at least I get to stay in the fraternity.”

“This is exactly why I didn’t tell you his identity ever.” Jake shakes his head. “In case you’re wondering.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jungwon says, blithely.

“It sounds like the guy had too much to drink and fell, Jaeyun.” Heeseung agrees. “Was he hurt badly, Jungwon?”

“Unfortunately, not.” Jungwon mutters.

“Pity.” Heeseung sulks.

Jake rolls his eyes. “How are you both so cute but also vicious?” Jake looks at Heeseung curiously. Heeseung blushes, looking away.

“Ugh, you’re going to be cheesy.” Jungwon groans. “I’m going to hang up.”

“Wait!” Jake says quickly. “Let me know once your meeting is over tomorrow…and thank you, Jungwon.” Jake says the last part quietly.

“Mmm-hmm.” Jungwon murmurs. “I’ll let you know when the meeting is done."

The phone clicks and Jake looks up at Heeseung and then down at his homework. His stomach churns a little. “You’re feeling guilty, aren’t you?” Heeseung nudges Jake softly.

Jake shrugs. “That obvious?”

Heeseung smiles, adjusting so Jake can rest against Heeseung’s chest. “I just know you think all of this stuff is a burden on everyone.”

Jake nods stiffly. “I want to move past it. But it’s like…it’s like a chemical spill or something.” Jake says. “Every time I feel like I have taken care of it, I find some residue that has been left to fester and is now a danger to the people around me.”

“Well, I don’t think you should blame yourself for Jungwon decking someone.” Heeseung points out. “He chose to do that. You didn’t make him do that.”

“But he did it because of me.” Jake whines.

“No.” Heeseung says. “He did it because of what the other guy said and did.” Heeseung frowns, petting Jake’s hair. “I know I can’t make you believe it’s not your fault, but don’t expect me to agree with you when you put yourself down.”

Jake sighs. “I guess that’s fair.” He leans into Heeseung. “Can you just hold me for a little while?” Jake asks, voice small.

Heeseung nods, squeezing Jake a little tighter. “Of course.”

Jake is unsurprised to see both Heeseung and Sunghoon show up outside his office at 3:50. His actual office hours don’t start until 4:00, and since it’s the beginning of the semester, he doesn’t get a whole lot of students yet. Still, he had expected one of his friends to show up today.

“You’re both ridiculous.” Jake rolls his eyes as he opens his office door. Heeseung is sitting against the wall listening to music and writing in a notebook. Sunghoon is on his laptop, but Jake is not convinced that he’s actually doing homework.

“Can’t a guy want a change of scenery?” Sunghoon asks.

“We’re grabbing dinner after my office hours and one of you is paying for mine.” Jake points at them. “I don’t care who, but one of you needs to treat me for dealing with two overprotective guard dogs.”

Heeseung looks at Sunghoon. “Thanks for dinner, man.” Sunghoon rolls his eyes.

“You’re going to let me pay for your boyfriend’s dinner?” Sunghoon asks. “Isn’t that like a threat to your manhood.”

“No?” Heeseung laughs at him. “Jake’s appetite is a threat to my wallet.” Heeseung points to Jake.

“Whatever.” Sunghoon mumbles. “Jay never lets me pay for anything, so I can afford Jake’s dinner.” Jake looks at them, shrugs and then just heads back to his office.

Predictably, his office hours are very noneventful. He only has three students show up.

The first girl very clearly has a crush. Jake tells her, gently, that if she doesn’t have any substantive questions, then she should leave to give opportunities to other students. She leaves after one last attempt and Jake promptly fills out an incident report, emailing it to Namjoon. Namjoon had said that it’s always better to keep written records of these kinds of situations with students.

The next student clearly is very overwhelmed. He doesn’t want to be a science major, but his parents won’t let him major in creative writing. Jake gives him a pep talk and some advice on how to approach the situation with his parents. Honestly, he is feeling more like a school counselor than a teaching assistant.

The last student has some questions regarding Namjoon’s lecture and the assignment that Jake went over during their discussion section. She understands the concepts, but she gets tripped up when applying the formulas.

Once it hits six, Jake starts packing up his things.

He pokes his head out of his door to see Heeseung still listening to music and Sunghoon on his phone. “Did you two have a good time?”

Sunghoon gestures to the end of the hall. “Tim came by, but once he saw Heeseung and I in the hall, he left.” Sunghoon puffs out his chest. Jake is mildly surprised someone did actually try to come to his office hours. Tim wouldn't have necessarily scared him, but he is a little glad he didn't have to deal with him. “I don’t know if he will try again, but I’d feel safer if someone was here during your office hours again Friday.

Heeseung takes out one earphone. “I don’t have class Friday, so I can wait here.”

Jake sighs. Tim or no Tim, his friends can't just sit outside his office hours until the school year ends. He knows this. If someone shows up he can submit an incident report to Namjoon and Namjoon can deal with admin, but having personal bodyguards isn't a realistic solution.

“I’ll allow it this week.” Jake points at Heeseung. “Only this week.” Sunghoon looks like he is about to say something, so Jake cuts him off. “You might be scaring away the students.”

Sunghoon laughs. “I don’t think the blonde girl was very scared of either of us.” Sunghoon points at Heeseung. “Even though he was definitely glaring at her when she left your office.”

Jake winces. “I already sent Namjoon an incident report.” Heeseung nods.

"Look, it's not practical for you guys to stay out here all semester. If they show up, I can report it to my professor and he can deal with admin..." Jake says. "But, you guys sitting here can't be the answer."

Sunghoon and Heeseung look at each other. It unnerves Jake a little that they have managed to develop nonverbal communication about him. It's already creepy enough that Jay, Sunghoon, and Jungwon do that with each other. Now, apparently his boyfriend has learned to join in. Still, they eventually nod. Then, Jake claps his hands together. “So, dinner?” He looks at them both. “I’m feeling something expensive.”

Sunghoon rolls his eyes. “I’m starving, so wherever we go, I want to go now.”

“I can’t believe I burned dinner.” Heeseung frowns at the pots and pans in the sink. “It was supposed to be my Valentine’s surprise.” Heeseung whines.

Jake touches his shoulder gently. “I appreciate the effort.” He looks at the charred food. “But maybe we should order some takeout.”

Heeseung nods, glumly. Jake bites down on his lip. Heeseung looks adorable when he sulks, but Jake doesn’t think saying that will go over well right now.

In the end, they order chipotle because it’s one of the few places without a ridiculous wait time. After dinner, they watch the rom com Heeseung had selected as a part of Jake's romance education. As the movie progresses, Jake gets a bit hooked since it involves soccer. And Channing Tatum.

When the movie ends, Jake crawls into Heeseung’s lap. He doesn’t want Heeseung to drive him home just yet, so he straddles Heeseung’s thighs and rests his head underneath Heeseung’s chin. “Comfy?” Heeseung asks, laugh evident in his voice.

“Very.” Jake smiles into Heeseung’s collarbone. “You smell nice.”

“Did you like the movie?” Heeseung asks petting the back of Jake’s hair. Jake nods.

“I did.” Jake nuzzles his head into Heeseung’s neck. “This was probably one of my favorites that you’ve shown me.”

“I knew you’d like ones with soccer.” Heeseung laughs, moving his hands to rub Jake’s back. “You’re like a puppy.” Heeseung points out. “Trying to make yourself as small as possible to fit on my lap.”

Jake nods and hums contently.

Jake had planned to suggest re-trying the next physical step tonight. They have been sexting for nearly a month, but in-person they still haven’t tried going any further than making out. Honestly, Jake has been a bit afraid to try again. But tonight, he thinks he might be able to.

“What are you thinking about?” Heeseung asks, still rubbing his back.

“Do you really want to know?” Jake asks, nervously.

“Of course.” Heeseung frowns, hand stilling on Jake’s lower back. “I always want to know what you’re thinking.”

“I was thinking tonight would be the right time to try again in person.” Jake mumbles into Heeseung’s shoulder.

“Ah,” Heeseung nods. “I’m obviously not opposed to that.” Heeseung pauses. “But I was thinking we could try another intermediary step before that?”

Jake tilts his head, indicating for Heeseung to continue.

Heeseung smiles. “Well, what if I go to my bed and you stay here on the couch.” Heeseung suggests. “We could text still if you want…or we could talk to each other from across the room…” Heeseung trails off. “Whatever you would feel more comfortable doing.”

Jake considers it. Logically, he knows Heeseung is right to suggest this step. He wants to be at a place where he can just shove Heeseung’s dick down his throat, but he is also very aware that he is not ready to actually do that. Though, he’s certainly gotten off fantasizing about it.

Mutual hand jobs had been too overwhelming last time, so rationally, he knows approaching the physical stuff more slowly will likely have a better end result. Still, he can't help but be a little frustrated with himself.

He debates the different options Heeseung gave. Sexting is more familiar, but somehow, he thinks it would be weird to do in the same room as Heeseung. But the other option…Jake thinks he could try the other option tonight. “I think I like the idea of talking to each other…” Jake takes a deep breath “And maybe watching each other?”

“We can play it by ear.” Heeseung taps Jake’s back reassuringly. “Let’s see how it goes.” Jake nods, nuzzling Heeseung’s shoulder again. Heeseung laughs. “Sweetheart, you’ll have to get off of me if you want to give this a try.” Jake whines, but then he moves so Heeseung can get up off the couch.

Heeseung’s studio is an open floor plan. After entering the apartment, the open-concept kitchen and dining area is to the right. Then, at the other end of the kitchen is the door to the bathroom and laundry room. To left of the entry is the living room with the TV and couch. And, the bedroom area and desk is behind the couch.

The set up is kind of perfect because it will take a little bit of effort for Jake to look over the back of the couch to see what Heeseung is doing on the bed. Since he’s not sure he’s ready to take that step, he’s happy there is an option to not see Heeseung.

Once Heeseung is away from him and on his bed, Jake feels a bit awkward. More than a bit actually. He adjusts his position on the couch. He’s still in jeans and a button up. He contemplates taking them off, but he keeps them on for now. “Are you feeling awkward or is it just me?” Jake calls out to Heeseung.

He hears a laugh from the bed. “I’m feeling a bit awkward.” There’s a rustle of some sheets. “Okay, I am in my bed under my sheets.”

“Are you wearing your clothes?” Jake frowns.

“Just my t-shirt and boxers.” Heeseung says. “I took off my jeans already.”

“You’re wearing the t-shirt you wore outside?” Jake scrunches his nose. “That will get your sheets dirty.”

“This is not the kind of mommy talk that I find sexy.” Heeseung snorts.

Jake smiles. “Good to know you have a kink.” Jake shakes his head. “But can you take your shirt off because I can’t get in the mood if I think you are getting your sheets all dirty?”

"I'm about to come on my sheets, but you're worried about my t-shirt?" Heeseung asks.

Jake rolls his eyes. "You wore the shirt around a school campus all day. It's probably got so many germs and now those germs..." Jake is interrupted by the rustling of sheets.

“Shirt is officially off.” Heeseung mutters.

Jake smiles. “Thank you.”

“I feel like you have significantly more clothes on than me right now.” Heeseung points out. Jake looks down. He's not wrong. Jake unzips and wiggles out of his pants. Then, he unbuttons his shirt and throws it on the floor.

“I’m just in a tank top and boxers now.” Jake says, nervously.

“You feeling okay still?” Heeseung asks, concerned.

Jake pauses to think. He doesn’t feel an impending sense of panic. He feels a bit awkward, but he expects that’s more to do with the newness of trying sex like this as opposed to any lingering repressed trauma.

“I feel good. Awkward, but good.” Jake nods.

“Okay, well if we had tried moving beyond text tonight, what did you want to do?” Heeseung asks, curiously.

Jake thinks. There’s so much he wants to do with Heeseung. Ever since everything happened his freshman year, wet dreams are pretty uncommon for Jake, but this month he’s had four. And he’s been actively thinking about all the different ways he might be able to touch Heeseung one day.

“There’s a lot I want to do, but there’s one fantasy I’ve been thinking about a lot this last week.” Jake admits. He doesn’t reach down to touch his dick just yet. “It starts with you gaming at your desk.”

“I’m listening.” Jake hears the opening of a cap and then the sound of a liquid being squirted. Crap, Jake doesn’t have lube near himself. Before he can ask, Jake hears, “uh…I’m going to throw my travel size lube bottle…hopefully I don’t hit you.” Heeseung says.

Jake shields his eyes with one hand and his dick with the other. Luckily, the lube bottle lands by where his feet are. He squirts some into his own hand and begins to rub his dick, slowly.

“So, you’re at your gaming desk…” Jake continues. “And you’re not paying attention to me because you’re trying to beat a hard level.” Jake pouts.

Heeseung snorts. “Sounds realistic.”

“Shut up.” Jake murmurs. “Anyway, I tell you that you need stop playing or I am going to make you stop playing.”

“And how are you going to do that?” Heeseung asks, getting into the scene. “This level is really difficult, Jaeyun. If I quit now, I will have to start all over again.”

Jake sighs with relief. He really wasn’t looking forward to narrating the whole fantasy by himself. Jake continues to stroke his dick. “I get on my knees and crawl underneath your desk.” Jake says, panting a little. “And I start mouthing at your boxers.”

“I can keep playing with a little distraction.” Heeseung says, breath hitching. “Shouldn’t be a problem.”

Jake smiles and then bites down on his lip. “I take your dick out of your boxers and start licking the tip...slowly” Heeseung groans and the sound goes straight to Jake’s dick. “I’m just getting started, darling.”

“Okay, so I mute my mic.” Heeseung says, breathy. “But I can still keep playing. I only have a little bit to go on this game and then I promise, I’ll give you all my attention.”

Jake shakes his head even though he knows Heeseung can’t see him. “I take you a little further into my mouth. At this point, I’m just swirling my tongue around and gently sucking.” Jake increases the speed of his strokes. He lets out a soft moan. “You taste really good.”

Heeseung groans again. “Jaeyun, if you don’t stop teasing me, I’m going to get up from my chair and fuck your mouth. Hard.”

Jake’s dick jumps in his hand. That’s exactly what his fantasy is. He wants Heeseung to hold his head in place while he fucks Jake’s mouth. “I still only have about half of you in my mouth.” Jake sighs. “I’m still teasing you, moving my tongue in slow circles.”

Heeseung huffs and Jake can hear the wet smack of Heeseung’s hand against his dick. Jake whines.

“Fuck it, can you take it if I hold you in place?” Heeseung asks. Jake’s heart warms. Even in this play fantasy, Heeseung still makes sure to ask him what he’s comfortable with.

“Use my mouth.” Jake begs. “Do it.” Jake slides his hand across his dick. His pre-come is mixing with the lube and it’s making an obscene slapping sound. Still, he's concentrated on finding the right speed and pressure so that he doesn’t come too quickly.

“God, your mouth is amazing, baby.” Heeseung groans. “So wet.”

“For you. It’s for you.” Jake breathes. He claws at the couch with his free hand. He can hear the way his words are affecting Heeseung.

“God the way you are taking my dick.” Heeseung calls out. Jake whimpers, squeezing his dick hard. Jake looks at his free hand, debates for a few seconds, and then shoves two fingers down his throat. He shoves them so deep, he almost gags.

Heeseung gasps at the sound of Jake choking on his fingers. “Fuck.” Heeseung bites out. “Fuck, I love the sound of you choking on my dick.” Heeseung groans.

Jake keeps sucking on his fingers as he rubs his dick. He’s drooling a fair amount. He removes his fingers for a brief second; the sound making a wet pop. “God, your dick feels so good." Jake whines. "I’ve got tears in my eyes from how good you feel."

Heeseung moans. “You take me so well.”

Jake tries to see how far he can push his fingers back. But he gets a little over ambitious and starts choking on his own spit. His coughs rattle around the room.

“Fuck, Jaeyun, that's...” Heeseung hisses. “...I’m not going to last much longer.”

Jake hesitates for half a second before he gets on his knees, facing the bed, so he can see Heeseung from the couch. Heeseung’s eyes are closed. His hand is moving quickly, but it looks like Heeseung’s dick is a bit bigger than Jake’s. “I want to see you come." Jake pleads. "Come on." He whispers. "Come inside my mouth.” Jake stares at Heeseung.

Heeseung opens his eyes, makes eye contact with Jake, and lets out a strangles sob. He comes immediately, body trembling as he yells, “fuck, Jake.”

Jake doesn’t need to do much more to finish. He gives his dicks a couple of quick strokes and he’s following Heeseung shortly after. He stays on his knees, eyes closed, and he whispers “so, good, Heeseung.”

Heeseung whimpers.

Jake falls back on the couch. He lays there for a few seconds before he looks down at the mess he made. He should really shower, but instead he pulls up his boxers that are bunched around his knees. Then, he calls out to Heeseung, “put on your boxers. I want to come over there and cuddle.” He feels a little shaky, but he thinks it more from his orgasm than anything else.

Heeseung obeys quickly and then lifts his arms out for Jake to crawl into. Jake doesn’t hesitate and he moves quickly across the room. He lays on top of Heeseung and buries his nose back in Heeseung’s shoulder. Heeseung brings his comforter over Jake’s back and then slips his hands around Jake’s waist.

“You’re incredible.” Heeseung kisses the crown of Jake’s head. “So strong. So brave.” Heeseung keeps landing soft kisses. “I’m so lucky you have so much trust in me, Jaeyun.”

Jake shakes his head. “No, it’s me that’s lucky.”

Heeseung laughs. “Agree to disagree. You’re so wonderful.” Heeseung whispers. “I just…that felt really special to me.”

Jake smiles, rubbing Heeseung’s side with his thumb. “Same. You’re really special to me.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Jaeyun.” Heeseung gives him a squeeze.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, my dear.” Jake smiles.

They cuddle like that for another hour. And Heeseung does not fail to point out how they are both contributing to the dirt on his sheets. Jake snorts, but he stands by his logic. While part of him considers staying the night, Jake doesn’t try to push himself. Heeseung drives him home before they both get too sleepy. But it’s honestly the best Valentine’s Day Jake has ever had.

The day after Valentine’s Day, Jake walks into the kitchen at 8 AM. No one is usually up this early on a Thursday, so Jake is a little surprised to see Keeho sitting in the table drinking coffee. He looks lost in thought.

“Hey,” Jake waives, announcing his presence. Keeho startles a little but then nods at Jake.

Jake heads toward the coffee maker. He likes to make himself breakfast before heading to campus for the day. Today, he doesn’t have his Mathematical Methods of Physics class until noon, so he likely will take a little longer for breakfast this morning.

“Hey,” Keeho nods at Jake, taking another sip of coffee.

“You do anything fun for Valentine’s Day last night?” Jake asks, waiting for the coffee to brew. Keeho shakes his head.

“Not really. Sunoo and I broke up last night…” Keeho sighs. “Or I guess it’s not a breakup since we weren’t together…” Keeho rubs his hair. “We ended our situation ship last night.”

Jake tries to control the shock on his face, but he likely isn’t very convincing. “What happened?” Jake asks. Keeho shrugs.

“I’m a senior so…” Keeho trails off. “He’s a sophomore.”

“What does that have to do with anything?’ Jake frowns. “School doesn’t end for months.”

“Yeah, but why continue to get invested when we both know where it’s heading?” Keeho asks. “I realized how easy it would be to get invested with him.” Keeho takes another sip of coffee. “He’s lovely and definitely someone I would fall for, so what’s the point?”

“Okay, then why break up at all?” Jake asks, confused. “Just because you graduate doesn’t mean you need to break up…”

Keeho rolls his eyes. “I am very unlikely to get a job in this town and also college relationships never work out after college.” Keeho stairs out the kitchen window. “Only 10% of college relationships continue after graduation.”

Jake’s eyes widen. “Is that right?” That seems incredibly low.

“It is.” Keeho nods. “Do you know how many marriages are between college sweethearts?” Jake shakes his head. “2%. Only 2% of college relationships work out.” Keeho sighs. “At least if we break up now, we can still be friends and not have hard feelings.”

Jake just blinks. Two percent is low. Like really low. How did Jake not know the success rate was that low?

“I mean we agreed to take a month or two no contact to give each other space, but neither of us have any ill-will.” Keeho continues. “I think that’s so much better than trying to keep it going and then ending up where I hate him.”

Jake feels a bit unsteady on his feet. He knows Heeseung is a romantic, but he’s never considered himself one. He has always thought he was a realist. So how has he not contemplated what’s going to happen after Heeseung graduates. Why didn’t he know that only two percent of college relationships work out?

“I uh…” Jake rubs the back of his neck. He’s not sure what to say actually.

His face must convey that because Keeho immediately says, “shit.” He slaps his forehead. “Shit. I forgot Heeseung is a senior.” He starts waiving his hands. “Obviously, you guys are different.”

“How?” Jake asks, plainly. “How could you possibly know that we are different than 98% of people?” Jake challenges.

Keeho winces. “You can’t know if we are different.” Jake sighs. “I don’t know if we are different.” Jake pauses. “I don’t even know if he wants to stay together after graduation.” Jake thinks about Heeseung moving away to start his production career. It’s very likely he won’t stay here after he graduates either.

“And once he moves away, he could probably find someone that doesn’t require him to jump through 8 million hoops for 5 months.” Jake thinks about Heeseung finding someone that could stay over at Heeseung’s place without question. Someone that doesn’t need intermediary steps to give their boyfriend a handjob. Why would Heeseung choose to stay with Jake when the odds are already stacked against them.

“You’re not being kind to yourself.” Keeho frowns.

“I’m being pragmatic.” Jake shrugs. “Apparently normal college relationships don’t work out and mine isn’t even normal because I can’t even sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend.” Jake shakes his head. How has he been so blind to the fact his relationship has a deadline. “How are we supposed to do long distance? Do I get a hotel?” Jake laughs bitterly.

Keeho’s eyes are wide. He looks around the kitchen for help. Ni-ki enters the kitchen just as he’s looking and Keeho mutters, “thank god.” He gets up from the table quickly. “Uh…I’ve got to go, Jake.” Keeho gives a small waive as he’s walking out. “But Ni-ki is here, so uh…yeah.” Keeho basically runs toward the stairs.

Ni-ki looks at Jake’s expression. “You look pissed.” He gestures to the table. “Do you want to sit down on the porch outside?”

Jake shakes his head. “Do you have time to go play soccer for a little while? I could use something physical.”

Ni-ki looks at Jake’s face again and then shrugs. “Sure. We will have to stop by my dorm to grab my cleats, but it shouldn’t take too long.” Jake nods.

"I'll head upstairs and get changed." He leaves without another word, and Ni-ki immediately pulls out his phone to text someone.

Chapter Text

Ni-ki: What did you do to piss Jake off?

Heeseung doesn’t read the text until he’s in class because he was in a rush this morning to get to class since it’s so early. Or well, early for Heeseung. 11:00 might as well be 8:00 AM.

But, he can’t think of a reason why Jaeyun would be upset with him—he didn’t seem upset last night. Before Heeseung can think too much, he gets another text.

Sunoo: Do you have time to grab lunch on campus?

Heeseung: Of course. My class ends at 12:50.

Sunoo: Great, let’s meet at the cafeteria that has a pink umbrella in the courtyard.

Heeseung: See you then.

Heeseung turns back to his conversation with Ni-ki. He is mildly surprised he doesn’t have a text from Jaeyun yet. It isn’t like he needs Jaeyun to text him every day…but they usually do end up at least exchanging a good morning text. And last night had felt special to Heeseung, but he’s trying not to panic over Jaeyun’s silence. He might just need some space today to process last night.

Heeseung: I don’t think I did anything? Unless you know something that I don’t.

Heeseung also shoots Jaeyun a quick text.

Heeseung: Hoping your discussion section isn’t too tedious today!

Neither of them responds to him.

When Heeseung gets to the cafeteria, Sunoo is already sitting outside with their food. His pout indicates something is wrong, but it’s his hair that gives him away. Sunoo’s hair is bright pink, which means he ended his thing with Keeho.

“The pink hair suits you.” Heeseung gestures as he pulls out a chair.

Sunoo shrugs. “Figured I could use a change.” Heeseung nods. He shouldn’t be surprised that Sunoo ended things with Keeho, but somehow, he is. This is the longest Sunoo has a had a steady hookup partner for a long time.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Heeseung asks, hesitantly, as he grabs the other carton of food next to Sunoo, assuming it’s his own.

Sunoo shrugs, but his eyes are watery. Heeseung pretends like he doesn’t see. “Not really much of a point.” Sunoo says. “It was for the best even if it hurts right now.”

Heeseung nods. “I mean you probably can relate.” Sunoo says. “Keeho was stressed out about being a senior and what will happen to us after graduation.” Sunoo’s voice wobbles on the word graduation and takes a deep breath before continuing. “I’m sure your stressed out about that since you and Jake will probably try to make long-distance work.”

Heeseung pauses. Because he hasn’t thought about what happens after graduation. He hasn’t stressed out about the possibility of long-distance because he hasn’t been thinking about graduation at all. At least not in the sense Keeho is apparently.

Sure, Heeseung has been stressed about his capstone project, graduation requirements, and the timing for job applications, but he hasn’t really thought about what all of it means. It seems a bit silly that he’s managed to avoid it this long.

Something must register on his face because Sunoo narrows his eyes. “Uh, we haven’t really discussed it…” Heeseung trails off.

“Really?” Sunoo asks. “Like at all?” Heeseung shakes his head.

Sunoo purses his lips. Heeseung can tell Sunoo is trying to avoid saying something overly harsh. The one thing that Heeseung has always appreciated about his friendship with Sunoo is that there is no bull shit between them.

“Just say it.” Heeseung says.

Sunoo winces. “I mean isn’t that something you two should have discussed? You’ve been talking for like five months.” Sunoo says, tone cautious. “Is he willing to do long-distance?” Sunoo dips a fry into some ketchup. “And if he is willing to do long-distance, then where would he stay?” Sunoo hesitates at the way Heeseung’s shoulders stiffen. “This isn’t meant as judgment, but he can’t even handle the idea of sleeping at your apartment right now. How would he feel in a town away from his whole support system?”

Heeseung blinks, owlishly. It does feel like a topic that should have at least come up in passing. Heeseung wants to avoid getting into his own head. But his last relationship ended because one person was more invested than the other, so the idea that he might be more invested than Jaeyun flashes in his mind before he can stop it.

Sunoo sighs. “I want to say something like, I’m sure the two of you will figure it out, but…” Sunoo trails off. “I think you probably need to have that conversation sooner rather than later…” Sunoo looks at Heeseung sadly. “Regardless of how strongly you feel about each other, agreeing to date post-graduation is a big discussion.”

Heeseung nods stiffly. He knows Sunoo is right, but he isn’t even sure how to naturally bring this conversation up to Jaeyun. “So what made you decide on pink?” Heeseung asks, changing the subject entirely. Sunoo indulges him and tells him about a fashion ad that he saw.

Sunoo moves on to talk about various ideas for his next fraternity party outfit, but neither of them eat very much. After lunch ends, Heeseung feels even worse to see there are no new text messages from Jaeyun.

Heeseung: Not to be clingy, but are you okay?

Heeseung: You didn’t text me back yesterday, and I just want to make sure we are all right

By four in the afternoon, Jaeyun still hasn’t texted him back. Heeseung bites his nail.

Heeseung: Do you want to do something this weekend since it’s a three day weekend?

It isn’t until 7 that Jaeyun responds.

Jaeyun: Sorry for being MIA. Wanted to process some things.

Jaeyun: There’s a party tomorrow. I think I want to spend the evening trying to do some homework.

Heeseung: Totally understand that.

Heeseung: Should I come to the party?

Jaeyun: If you want.

Heeseung: Are you going to ignore me if I show up?

Jaeyun: No?

Jaeyun: It’s not a crime to not text you every day…

Heeseung: Never said it was…

Heeseung: Can I call you? I don’t want to hash this out over text.

Jaeyun: Fine, give me a second.

Heeseung moves from his gaming desk to his living room. As he sits down on the couch, his phone rings.

“Hi,” Heeseung says, somewhat nervously.

“Hi.” Jaeyun answers.

Neither one says anything for a few seconds, so Heeseung breaks the silence. “I think I’m a bit in my own head right now.” Heeseung sighs. He knows he’s in his own head. But he also knows that he needs to be honest with Jaeyun too. “It’s not like we need to talk to each other every day, but I think I was a little thrown off by your radio silence?”

Jaeyun hums. “How so?” His tone painfully neutral. Heeseung rolls his eyes, thankful Jaeyun can’t see him.

“Well, I thought Valentine’s Day was special but then when you weren’t responding…” Heeseung trails off, frowning. “I was worried I had pushed you too far.” Heeseung admits.

“Shit.” Jaeyun curses under his breath. “I’m really terrible, aren’t I?” He says, voice much softer now. “I’m really sorry for worrying you, Heeseung.”

“You aren’t terrible.” Heeseung shakes his head. “I definitely didn’t like the silent treatment and I think we need to talk about some sort of compromise for when you want to shut me out, but you aren’t terrible.”

“I really wasn’t trying to shut you out…” Jaeyun sighs. “I was just processing and I tend to close off when I do that.”

Heeseung nods. “I get that.” They are both silent for a few moments. Then, Heeseung asks, “Can you give me a little insight into what happened? Cause if it’s something I did, I’d like to fix it.”

“No. No, you didn’t do anything.” Jaeyun says in a rush.

“Then, why did Ni-ki text me asking me what I did to piss you off the morning after Valentine’s Day?” Heeseung asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Ah.” Jaeyun sighs. “That wasn’t about you. I had talked to Keeho.”

“Oh.” Heeseung says. The puzzle pieces click together. “So, they freaked you out too?” Heeseung asks, hesitantly.

Jake snorts. “A little, yeah…” He trails off. “A lot, actually.”

“Sunoo freaked me out at lunch the other day.”

“Really?” Jaeyun asks.

“Yeah. I mean in my last relationship I was more invested than my partner and you were ignoring me, so I kind of let my thoughts spiral…” Heeseung rubs the back of his neck.

“Do you really think I am not invested in this?” Jaeyun sounds hurt.

Heeseung wants to immediately reassure him, but bites his tongue. “I do think you are invested.” Heeseung starts. “But for the last couple of days, it felt like I was being punished for something.” Heeseung says, truthfully.

Jaeyun doesn’t respond right away. Heeseung fidgets, rubbing his hand across his couch cushion. After a while, Jaeyun says, “you’re right.” Another pause. “I can’t just close off without giving some sort of heads up or explanation for why.”

Heeseung rests his head on the back of the couch. “So, what would the explanation have been?” Heeseung asks. “If we were to re-do the last few days?”

Jaeyun chuckles. “I think I should have texted you something along the lines of…I talked to Keeho this morning and he said some things that freaked me out.”

Heeseung nods. “What did he say?”

Jaeyun hesitates. “Well, if we are re-doing the last few days, I would probably say that I need a few days to process what he said.” Jaeyun sighs. “But, I’ve already done that.”

Heeseung hums. “I’m good with that approach.” Heeseung picks at a thread on his sweatpants. “So do you want to talk about what freaked us out?”

“Not really.” Jaeyun sighs. “But we should anyway.”

Heeseung nods. “Are you upset with me that we haven’t talked about our plans after graduation?” Heeseung asks quietly. “Because I am upset with myself that I haven’t.”

“I’m not upset with you at all.” Jaeyun insists. “I’m nervous because Keeho talked about the statistics of college couples…” Jaeyun stops and takes a deep breath. “It’s not about immediately after graduation for me.” Heeseung raises his eyebrows.

“Of course, I want to stay together…even if it means long-distance.” Jaeyun says, softly. “I just hate the idea that there’s a strong probability we aren’t meant to last.”

Heeseung blinks. He isn’t exactly sure how to respond to that. He can’t promise Jaeyun that they will work out, but he desperately wants them too. Finally, Heeseung goes with, “I can’t speak to statistics, but I can speak to how I feel.”

“And how is that?” Jaeyun asks, nervously.

“When I think of what I want in a life partner, I think of you and all the qualities you possess.” Heeseung smiles. It’s true. Jaeyun does possess everything he is looking for in a partner. He isn’t perfect, but neither is Heeseung. “I can’t promise we will stay together, but I can’t imagine finding someone who matches with me better than you do.”

“What if you find someone less complicated? Less damaged?” Jaeyun asks, voice trembling a little.

“You’re not damaged, Jaeyun. And, I don’t want anything different than what I have.” Heeseung frowns. He gets up from the couch and begins pacing his living room.

“Yes, based on the job I want, I do think I will have to move away after graduation.” Heeseung waives his hand dismissively. “And yes, long-distance will present unique challenges.” Heeseung isn’t really paying attention to where he’s walking and he narrowly avoids tripping over his backpack. “But I think we can tackle them together.” Heeseung says, glaring at his backpack.

“I am sorry for how I reacted. It was unfair.” Jaeyun apologizes again.

“It’s fine.” Heeseung smiles, moving towards his bed. “Why don’t you tell me about the rest of your day today?”

“Well…” Jaeyun starts.

Heeseung unpacks the food as he waits for Jay to drop off Jaeyun. After getting through their first big disagreement last month, the two of them spent the whole long weekend with each other. Heeseung brought an overnight bag to the fraternity house and Jay had let him use his bed for three days. The whole weekend had been intimate, cozy and exactly what they both needed.

However, neither of them had realized that it was also the calm before a very hectic month. For the last four weeks, their schedules seemed to be running opposite of each other. It had gotten so bad last week that they even resorted to meeting up on campus to study just so that thy could check in briefly.

Heeseung knows it’s neither of their faults and they are constantly texting so it isn’t like they don’t talk at all, but he’s been a little grumpy at the lack of quality time. Fortunately, this next week is spring break, and tonight they can relax without having to stress about class or assignments due the next day.

There’s a knock on his door, which is a bit odd since Jaeyun definitely has a key. Heeseung goes to open the door and is surprised to see Jake with a very drunk? Jay leaning against him.

“Please tell me you drove his car.” Heeseung says gesturing to Jay.

Jaeyun nods quickly. Jay mumbles something into Jaeyun’s shoulder that Heeseung doesn’t catch. “What was that?” Heeseung asks.

“I’m sorry, I’m ruining your evening, aren’t I?” Jay whines. “I’ll just go.”

“No!” Heeseeung and Jaeyun say at the same time. Heeseung smiles at Jaeyun, winking as he moves to help bring Jay inside. “You should come inside. Do you need to use the bathroom?” Heeseung asks. Jay blinks up a him, eyes bloodshot. It looks like he’s been crying.

“I probably should.” Jay slurs. Heeseung leads him to the bathroom and then shuts the door on his way out. He looks at Jaeyun in the kitchen.

Jaeyun’s pouts. “I was just supposed to get one drink with him, but apparently he and Hoon had a nasty fight so he was already toasted by the time I got there.” Heeseung sighs.

“I would have dropped him off at the frat house, but he just looks so sad…” Jaeyun trails off. Heeseung nods. He likely would have done the same if the positions were reversed.

“It’s okay, baby.” Heeseung smiles. “I understand.”

“I’m going to get so mad at him after him and Hoon make up.” Jaeyun mutters, moving closer to Heeseung.

Heeseung laughs. “Oh yeah? Why is that?” He opens his arms for Jaeyun. Jaeyun embraces him quickly, nuzzling his head against Heeseung’s chest.

“I haven’t spent quality time with you in a month. I was really looking forward to tonight.” Jaeyun sulks, rubbing his hands along Heeseung’s back. “I’m greedy. I wanted you all to myself.”

Heeseung snorts. “You’re not greedy.” Heeseung pets the back of Jaeyun’s hair. “And you know I feel the same.”

Before either of them can elaborate more, they hear a loud crash from the bathroom and then some muffled sobs. “I’ll go check on him.” Jaeyun groans.

Apparently, Jay and Sunghoon had gotten in a fight about Jay buying Sunghoon a car. Jay had said it was practical because Sunghoon would need it for his summer internship. Sunghoon had said it was too expensive of a gift and that he had been saving his own money to buy his own car. And then it just got messy from there.

Heeseung is surprised by Jay’s tolerance. He’s been steadily drinking since three PM and he is still conscious. Heeseung is a weak drunk—he falls asleep as soon as he gets a little buzzed.

“Do you think it’s wrong to buy someone a car?” Jay asks Heeseung, staring at the bottom of his shot glass. Heeseung and Jaeyun have been pouring him “shots,” but they have really just been shot glasses full of water. Jay hasn’t seemed to notice the difference. He even said he ‘felt the burn’ with the last one.

“I think that you probably could have discussed it with Sunghoon before you did it.” Heeseung says. “But your heart was in he right place.”

“What if he never forgives me?” Jay asks, grabbing the collar of Jaeyun’s shirt. “I won’t be able to live without him.”

Heeseung sees Jaeyun biting his lip to prevent himself from laughing. “I think Hoon will forgive you, man.” Jaeyun says. “He loves you too much to stay mad at you for this.”

“You didn’t hear him.” Jay shakes his head. “He said that he feels like I don’t respect him as an equal.” Jay’s eyes water. “But he’s not an equal. He’s so much better than me.” Jay says, tearfully. “How can a person be so wonderful?”

“I think maybe he just meant financially.” Jaeyun says. “It wouldn’t kill you to let him pay for a meal.”

Jay blinks at him confused. “But why would I let him pay when I know how careful he is with his money.”

Jaeyun looks at Heeseung for help. Heeseung clears his throat. “Sunghoon loves you. And he just wants to be able to show you that.” Heeseung says. “He saves his money so he can spend it on things that are worth it…” Heeseung trails off. “And you’re one of those things.”

“I am?” Jay asks.

Heeseung and Jaeyun both nod.

“He’s never going to forgive me.” Jay starts crying again. Jaeyun gets up to get more tissues and Heeseung tries to covertly sneak his phone out of his pocket. Jay is in the middle of recounting how much he misses Sunghoon’s mole when Heeseung feels his phone vibrate in his hand.

Sunghoon: It’s 1 AM. Is my idiot boyfriend at your place picking up Jaeyun?

Heeseung: He is indeed at my place.

Heeseung: Though I think Jaeyun will be driving them back.

Sunghoon: Wait. Why?

Sunghoon: Is he drunk?

Heeseung: Uhhhhhh

Sunghoon: I’m going to kill him.

Jaeyun sits back down, handing Jay some tissues. “Uh, I think you guys might want to head back soon.” Heeseung rubs the back of his neck, handing his phone to Jaeyun. Jaeyun starts reading the texts, but Jay just blinks at him.

“The night is still young.” Jay whines. “We could go out.”

“The night is not young.”
“I hate going out.”

Jaeyun and Heeseung say at the same time. They look at each other and laugh. Jaeyun hands Heeseung back his phone and then taps Jay’s shoulder. “Okay, I think we have definitely overstayed our welcome here, buddy.”

“Isn’t he your boyfriend?” Jay points accusingly at Heeseung. Or well he thinks it’s supposed to be in his direction. In reality, Jay is pointing a bit to the left of him.

“He is.” Jaeyun agrees. “Come on.” Jaeyun says trying to push Jay up. Heeseung stands up and lends a shoulder for Jay to hold onto. It takes a little bit of effort, but he and Jaeyun do manage to get him out of the apartment and into the car.

After Jaeyun closes the passenger seat door, he looks up at Heeseung. “Not exactly the night I planned.” He smiles.

“Me neither.” Heeseung shrugs. “But it’s okay. I still got to be with you, which is all I’ve wanted.”

Jaeyun giggles. “So cheesy.” He stands on his tippy toes to give Heeseung a quick peck. “Next time it will be just you and I.”

Heeseung blushes. “Actually, it will be us and my mom.”

Jaeyun groans. “I forgot. When does she get here tomorrow again?”

“Probably not until dinner time.” Heeseung says.

Jaeyun nods. “Okay, well then, Tuesday will be just you and I.” Jaeyun points menacingly. “Or else.”

Heeseung raises his hands in surrender. “Sounds good to me.”

They stare at each other for a few seconds before they hear Jay banging on the car window. Jaeyun rolls his eyes. “Lord give me strength. These two idiots need to kiss and make up.”

Heeseung laughs, waiving as Jaeyun moves to get in the driver side door. “Drive safe, darling.”

Jaeyun touches his palm to his chest. “I’ll text you when I get home, dear.”

“Jake, where did you learn to cook this?” Heeseung’s mom asks as she takes a bite of her steak. “This is really impressive.” She nods at Heeseung. “He can only make ramyeon.”

Jaeyun laughs. “My mom is a really good cook, and I liked to help her in the kitchen when I was younger.” Jaeyun smiles. “I can’t do anything too fancy, but steak and potatoes I can manage.”

Heeseungs’s mom hums. “And how’s the semester going?”

“Busier than I had expected.” Jaeyun winces. “It’s been a bit of a whirlwind recently.”

She nods. “That’s what Heeseung was saying.” She points at Heeseung. “He talks about you a lot, you know.” Heeseung blushes.

“Does he?” Jaeyun leans in. “Good things, I hope.”

“I’m still here actually.” Heeseung clears his throat. “Right here.”

His mom laughs. “I’ll pull out the baby pictures when you go to the bathroom.” Heeseung rolls his eyes.

“I got an email from my professor in charge of my directed mentorship.” Heeseung changes the subject. “He says since my capstone work is all on track for graduation, he is going to shift gears for our meetups and prioritize the job search instead.”

Jaeyun smiles. “That’s awesome.”

His mom blinks. “Do you have an idea of where you want to apply?”

Heeseung shakes his head. “Beggers can’t be choosers, so I’ll take a job with any studio willing to hire me post-graduation.”

His mother frowns. “What about the studio that bought your song?”

Heeseung nods. “I would love a job there. I just don’t know if they are hiring.”

Jaeyun eats a spoonful of potatoes. “How far away is that one again?”

Heeseung winces. “About an hour and a half.”

Jaeyun nods. “Could be worse.”

“Could also definitely be better.” Heeseung sighs.

“Oh, you’ll both be fine.” Heeseung’s mother waives her hand. “I wouldn’t worry about things like that.” She says dismissively.

“It’s a little hard not to.” Heeseung admits.

“Relationships are all about the effort that you put into them. As long as you guys keep up the same effort, then it should all be fine.”

“And Jaeyun thinks I’m a romantic.” Heeseung snorts.

His mother just smiles. “Speaking of romantic, what rom com have we decided on for this evening?”

They settle on A Walk to Remember. Heeseung definitely tears up at the ending, but his mom is full on crying so he feels less embarrassed. As he usually does whenever they watch a rom com, he asks Jaeyun what he thinks.

“This one was sad.” Jaeyun says starting at the screen. “It made you sad.”

“A little. But I also enjoyed it.” Heeseung shrugs. “Sometimes it feels good to cry.”

Jaeyun frowns. Heeseung laughs. This one was definitely a gamble, but it is one of his mom’s favorite movies. “What kind of movies do you prefer?” Heeseung’s mom asks.

“Eh, I don’t watch too many.” Jaeyun shrugs. “Heeseung’s been expanding my rom com knowledge.” Jaeyun says pointing at Heeseung. His mom nods.

Jaeyun looks at his phone and then gets up from the couch. “I better get going.” He says, yawning. “It’s been a long day.”

“Do you want to take any leftovers home?” Heeseung asks, pointing to the fridge.

Jaeyun shakes his head. “Nah, I’ll come over tomorrow and we can eat them together.” Heeseung nods, smiling softly.

“Do you still want to go to the aquarium tomorrow afternoon?” Heeseung asks.

Jaeyun smiles brightly. “I forgot about that.” He squirms with barely contained excitement. “We can eat the leftovers after we get back.” Heeseung laughs.

“That sounds good.” He reaches to touch Jaeyun’s cheek. “I’ll text you tomorrow after I wake up.” Jaeyun nods, giving Heeseung a quick peck on his cheek and then moving toward the door.

“It was really nice meeting you Ms. Lee.” Jaeyun smiles as he puts on his shoes.

She waives at him from the couch. “It was really nice meeting you as well.” She points to her purse. “Next time I’ll show you some embarrassing photos of Heeseung.”

Jaeyun laughs. “It’s a deal.”

After Jaeyun leaves, Heeseung turns to his mom. “So?” He asks.

His mom smiles at him. “Now, I see why that boy sat through Titanic.”

Heeseung blinks at her, confused.

“I don’t think he cares what movie you show him. He just likes to sit there watching you enjoy them.” She laughs. “Every time you laughed, he would grin at you all goofy. Every time you got upset, he would pout at the screen.” Heeseung blushes.

“He clearly cares a lot about you, Heeseung.” She says, warmly. “I’m happy you have someone like that in your life.”

Heeseung is too embarrassed to make eye contact with her, but in a small voice, he says, “I’m glad I do too.”

Chapter Text

“Sunghoon, those are literally the same hats…” Jake groans. “This is painstaking.” Sunghoon looks down at the two bucket hats he’s holding. Then, he rolls his eyes.

“You have over 20 plaid shirts. I don’t think you have much room to talk here.” Sunghoon lifts the bucket hat that he’s holding with his left hand up slightly, inspecting it further.

“I asked you to go shopping because I wanted to make sure you are all right. But I didn’t think you would keep me here hostage for five hours.” Jake whines, resisting the urge to bury his face in the store bench he’s sitting on. “I was going to try to hang out with Heeseung.”

“Didn’t you spend the whole day with him at the aquarium yesterday?” Sunghoon asks, placing the current top choice on his head. It’s the sixth time he’s tried the hat in the last hour.

“Yep.” Jake says exaggerating the end of the word. “And he bought me a nemo plushie.” Jake smiles. The aquarium gift store was incredibly over-priced, but the plushies were so cute. And so soft. Jake hadn’t asked for one, but Heeseung must have seen him staring at the Nemo-looking one, longingly. He had surprised Jake with it when they walked out of the shop.

“You guys are sickeningly in love. It’s gross.” Sunghoon fake gags. But his expression quickly morphs when he sees Jake’s face. “Oh, please don’t tell me you are about to enter some L word crisis.”

Jake shakes his head. It’s weak. Sunghoon clearly sees through it. “Seriously? You guys haven’t said it to each other yet?” Sunghoon asks, softly.

Jake grimaces. “No.” He picks at an invisible fuzz on his jean. “It’s not like I don’t know I do.” Jake sighs. “I can’t really pin point an exact moment or anything, but I’m very aware of how I feel.”

Sunghoon comes up to wear Jake is sitting and pats his shoulder. “It’s just saying it out loud?”

Jake shrugs. “For a while, it was.” Jake says. “But now, it just feels like the occasion needs to be special or something. I cant just blurt it out over coffee one morning.”

Sunghoon snorts. “I mean technically you can.”

Jake glares at him.

“But I get wanting to make it special.” Sunghoon says. “Besides, I don’t think it will be a surprise to him or anything.”

“Speaking of people in love. We haven’t really debriefed about your situation.” Jake points out. “Are you two okay?”

Sunghoon smiles. “Actually, we are more than okay,” He says. “He’s letting me buy him a bucket hat.” Sunghoon says pointing to the hat on his head.

Jake laughs.

“Yesterday, we both unloaded how we were feeling.” Sunghoon blushes. “He was understanding about me wanting to be able to pay for at least a few things.”

Jake nods.

“And I was understanding that he had just been trying to help.” Sunghoon pauses. “We also talked about how I am not dating him because of his money and that he needs to try to see all the other non-monetary things he brings to the relationship.”

“Sounds heavy.” Jake says lifting the sleeve of the shirt closest to him to give his hands something to do.

Sunghoon shrugs. “We’ve been dating for a long time and I know he’s who I will spend my life with, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t annoy the shit out of me sometimes.” Sunghoon hesitates. “We always work through stuff though, so I’m not really ever worried when we fight.”

“That’s fair.” Jake nods. “I’m glad you worked things out though. He was pretty pitiful Sunday night.”

Sunghoon snorts. “I heard.”

Lily is already at the café before Jake gets there. She has her hair in a messy bun and her black wire frames are slipping down the bridge of her nose.

Jake approaches the table and she stops typing. “Oh, look who decided to show up.” Lily smirks. “I distinctly remember us making plans to meet at 2.”

Jake blushes. “Ni-ki won the first game of soccer…” Jake shrugs. “I had to play another game to make sure he didn’t get the idea he was better at soccer than me.”

Lily rolls her eyes. “Predictable.”

“Are you actually doing school work right now?” Jake gestures at her computer as he sits down.

“Of course not. I’m in the middle of working out logistics for our new sorority.” Lily smiles brightly.

“It got approved?” Jake gapes. Lily nods, still smiling.

“Lily, that’s so great.” He says sincerely. “Really, I am so happy for you.”

“Thanks.” She takes a sip of her coffee. “That’s actually why I wanted to meet though. I wanted to prepare a checklist of everything I need to get done by rush in the fall.”

Jake nods. For him and Jay it was a bit easier since the house and frat were already established. But it was still a lot of work the summer in between his freshman and sophomore year. For Lily, it will likely be even more work since she needs to secure a house and other logistics. He starts mentally sorting the priorities for her to start with.

“Okay, I’m going to go order a coffee because this is going to take a while.” Jake says, getting up. “But when I get back, let’s talk through all your next steps.” Before he leaves to get in line, he smiles and says, “I am really proud of you for making this happen Lily.”

She nods, shewing him with her hand.

Jake cuddles into Heeseung’s side. He knows he should probably get going soon, but Heeseung is so warm. He sighs contently, burrowing his face into Heeseung’s side further.

“You’re like a puppy.” Heeseung laughs, petting Jake’s hair. Jake pretends to growl, wrapping his arms around Heeseung’s waist. “Who’s a good boy?” Heeseung jokes, still carding his fingers through Jake’s hair.

Jake glares, unwrapping himself. He stares up at Heeseung and gets an idea. Heeseung blinks at him, apprehensive. Jake pounces, adjusting himself so he’s sitting in Heeseung’s lap. Before Heeseung can say anything, Jake leans in and sloppily licks Heeseung’s neck. He expects his behavior to be met with more puppy jokes but instead, Heeseung chokes on a whimper.

Interesting, he thinks. “Seems like you like it when I’m a puppy.” Jake smirks.

“You’re sitting in my lap and you just licked my neck.” Heeseung laughs. “Of course, I like it.”

Jake considers this and then shifts around slightly in Heeseung’s lap. He hadn’t been feeling particularly horny earlier. Heeseung had asked him if he wanted to do anything after they finished the movie, but Jake hadn’t at the time. But now…now he feels the low burn of arousal simmering. It still catches him off guard sometimes since he went so long without feeling it.

Jake moves his mouth back to Heeseung’s neck, lightly kissing his throat. He intersperses a few licks in between kisses and each time Heeseung smothers a noise.

“Jaeyun.” Heeseung’s voice is filled with caution. “Do you want me to go to my bed so we can…” Heeseung trails off.

Jake almost says yes, but then he stops himself. He and Heeseung have had a good amount of phone sex since Valentine’s Day due to the fact their schedules hadn’t allowed them much time together in person. But the other day after the aquarium, they jerked off in Heeseung’s apartment. And unlike Valentine’s Day, they had watched each other the whole time.

Jake doesn’t feel an impending sense of panic right now, so he thinks it might be good to try going one step further tonight.

“Stay.” Jake asks, softly. “Stay here.” Jake punctuates his request grinding down into Heeseung’s lap. Heeseung groans.

“You’ll tell me if it gets too much?” Heeseung asks seriously. Jake nods.

Heeseung starts rubbing circles into Jake’s lower back and Jake keeps slowly grinding against Heeseung. The friction is a little painful, given they are both in jeans, but he’s addicted to the small whimpers Heeseung keeps making.

Jake goes back to kissing Heeseung’s neck. He brushes the pad of his fingers along Heeseung’s collar bone as his lips trace Heeseung’s throat.

Heeseung’s fingers dig into Jake’s side. “Jaeyun, please.” Heeseung whines.

“Please what?” Jake asks, smiling down at Heeseung. He likes being on top like this. It makes him feel like he’s in control.

“Anything.” Heeseung breathes. “Please, don’t stop touching me.”

Jake groans.

He kisses Heeseung roughly, their tongues dancing around each other. Heeseung moves his hands to Jake’s hair, grabbing he back of his head roughly. Jake moans into Heeseung’s mouth and increases the speed of his thrusts. Jake moves his hands from Heeseung’s shoulders down to his chest, rubbing his thumb over Heeseung’s nipples through his t-shirt. Heeseung shivers at the touch.

Jake smiles, breaking the kiss, and whispers, “sensitive?” Heeseung moans in response. Jake can feel some spit dribbling down his chin, so he wipes it with the back of his hand and says, “I’m going to get the lube, okay?”

Heeseung nods.

Jake gets off Heeseung’s lap, moving to the coffee table to get the lube he put in one of the drawers the other night. As he’s digging through the drawers, he tells Heeseung, “take off your pants.” Even though Jake’s back is turned, he can hear the speed at which Heeseung fulfills his request.

By the time Jake turns around. Heeseung is just in boxers—no pants, no shirt. Jake stares at him for a moment, appreciating the sight. Heeseung doesn’t work out or play sports, but he is genetically blessed with a naturally thin figure. He also has a happy trail that Jake is obsessed with. Another time, Jake wants to try licking it all the way down. But he thinks that would be too much for tonight.

Jake takes a deep breath. He can do this. This is just Heeseung. He’s seen Heeseung naked before. He knows that he can tell Heeseung to stop if it gets too much. He can do this. But more importantly, he actually wants to do this.

Jake slowly makes his way back to the couch, stepping out of his own jeans and taking of his shirt as he goes. Heeseung is clearly hard, but he doesn’t say anything to rush Jake. He lets him take his time. Once Jake gets back on Heeseung’s lap. Heeseung leans forward giving Jake a quick peck on the lips. It’s so soft that it makes Jake’s heart clench a little.

It’s just Heeseung. He’s safe with Heeseung. “Can I touch you?” Jake asks, shyly.

Heeseung nods quickly. “Please.” He begs. “Please touch me.”

Jake pulls Heeseung’s dick out of his boxers and then squeezes some lube onto his right hand. He starts by massaging Heeseung’s balls lightly while moving his left hand up Heeseung’s chest. Heeseung bites down on a curse. Jake presses his thumb at the base of Heeseung’s dick, moving it slow circles.

“Jaeyun.” Heeseung keens. “Please.”

“Please, what?” Jake asks innocently. He moves his thumb up Heeseung’s shaft, barely touching him. With his other hand he tweaks Heeseung’s left nipple. Heeseung bites down on his lip hard. “Please, what, darling?” Jake asks again.

“Faster. More. I need-“ Heeseung groans. “I need it.”

Jake smiles. He takes his right hand off Heeseung’s dick moving it up toward Heeseung’s other nipple. He leans forward, hovering his mouth over the side of his neck. He stays there for a few seconds before beginning to suck on the juncture where Heeseung’s neck meets his shoulder.

“Oh fuck.” Heeseung mutters. “Fuck.” Jake pinches both nipples and Heeseung practically wails. Heeseung is surprisingly sensitive. He pulls on his nipples harder and Heeseung whines even louder. Jake could get addicted to the sound.

But, he shows mercy and moves his right hand back down to Heeseung’s balls, rubbing them gently. Jake feels in control, but his own dick is throbbing now. He knows Heeseung won’t touch him unless he tells him to, so grabs Heeseung’s chin forcing him to make eye contact. “Aren’t you going to touch me too?” Jake asks, shyly.

Heeseung nods quickly, reaching for Jake’s boxers. Heeseung pulls out Jake’s dick and Jake winces as the cold air hits him. Heeseung grabs the lube sitting next to them and squeezes some in his hand. He stars rubbing the soft patch of skin right next to Jake’s balls and Jake wants to cry from how good it feels. Unlike last time, he still feels totally present.

Heeseung moves to start gently stroking Jake’s dick, and Jake groans. He moves his own hand along Heeseung’s dick. Stroking him gently. Heeseung’s dick is leaking a large amount of pre-cum, so Jake doesn’t think he needs more lube. He probably doesn’t need anything really. But he takes his hand off Heeseung’s dick anyway. Heeseung pauses his own strokes and looks at Jake, concerned.

Jake shakes his head, smiling. And then spits into his hand. He even makes sure to drool a bit. It’s honestly a little gross. But Heeseung mewls. “Oh, god. Jaeyun.” He notes that spit seems to be a turn on for Heeseung.

He moves his spit-covered hand back across Heeseung’s dick, still only using gentle strokes. He doesn’t want this to end too quickly.

Heeseung seems to think the same thing as he keeps rubbing small circles with his thumb on the base of Jake’s dick. The pressure feels amazing. Heeseung moves his other hand to rub circles on his hip. Jake whimpers. “Heeseung,” he says. “You feel so good.”

Heeseung laughs breathlessly. “So do you, Jaeyun.” He emphasizes his words by pressing down on Jake’s dick with his thumb.

“Oh, god.” Jake whines. “More. Fuck, more.” Jake pleads.

He speeds up his own hand on Heeseung’s dick a little. Stroking him with a little more purpose. Heeseung nods. “Yes. Yes. Yes.” He chants as he moves the hand on Jake’s hip to Jake’s nipple. Heeseung pulls on Jake’s nipple lightly and Jake almost comes from that sensation alone.

“Fuck.” Jake curses. “Fuck.”

Heeseung smirks, “Sensitive?” He asks, repeating Jaeyun’s earlier words. Jaeyun rolls his eyes.

“Jaeyun, do you trust me?” Heeseung asks, suddenly serious. Jake looks into Heeseung’s eyes. It’s just Heeseung. He can trust Heeseung.

“Yes.” Jake breathes.

Heeseung nods and then begins adjusting Jake so he’s sitting further up on Heeseung’s laps. Their dicks touching. Heeseung takes Jake’s wet hand and places it around both their dicks and then he keeps his own covering Jake’s, guiding the pace of their strokes. Heeseung’s other hand moves to base of their dicks. Steadying them.

The friction against his dick feels otherworldly. “Hee, I-“ Jake tries to say something, but he can’t finish his thought. He feels too good. “Faster. Let’s go faster.” He says in a rush.

“Jaeyun, if we go any faster, I’m going to come almost immediately.” Heeseung admits. “You feel too good against me, baby.”

“Don’t care.” Jake shakes his head. “Come. I want to see you come.”

Heeseung groans, but then he squeezes Jake’s hand. They increase the speed of their rhythm. The way his dick is rubbing against Heeseung’s has Jake ready to bust, but he wants to see Heeseung come first. Their hands keep moving as one and Heeseung is letting out choked cries every two or three strokes.

Heeseung looks at Jake in the eyes and says, “Fuck. I’m coming.” Sure enough, Heeseung’s dick spasms and his whole body shakes as Heeseung’s cum shoots everywhere. The couch is probably going to need a deep clean after this but Jake doesn’t care. Jake lets go of Heeseung’s dick, swiping some cum to use as lube and then gives himself a couple of rough strokes before he’s coming as well.

“Shit.” Jake yells as his body trembles. Heeseung moves his hands to rub Jake’s lower back gently, easing Jake through the aftershocks of his orgasm.

Jake stares at Heeseung a bit dumbly. He can’t think of anything except how good that felt. How safe he felt. And he knows. He knows that this isn’t the occasion he has in mind for when he first says he loves Heeseung. At the very least, he should wait until they’ve cleaned up and are wearing clothes, but suddenly Jake can’t keep it in any longer.

“I love you.” Jake whispers. “So much.”

Heeseung blinks. Then, shakes his head. “Really, right after sex?”

Jake blushes. “I couldn’t keep it in.”

Heeseung smiles, moving Jake so his head is resting on Heeseung’s shoulder. He starts rubbing Jake’s back. “I love you too, Jaeyun.” He says softly. “So much.”

Jake leans up and kisses Heeseung’s neck. “I never thought I could feel safe during sex again.” Jake admits.

Heeseung frowns, touching Jake’s cheek gently. Jake leans into the touch.

“I think I want to tell you about it.” Jake says, surprising himself. Then, he looks down at the mess they are sitting in. “But, uh, I think I want to do if after we have showered and changed clothes.”

Heeseung nods. “Okay. But if you no longer feel like you want to after you shower, that’s okay too.” Jake smiles, tracing his thumb across Heeseung’s jaw.

“So good to me.”

They end up deciding to head back to the frat house after they shower so that Heeseung can sleep over. Jake still doesn’t think he’s ready to have Heeseung sleep in his bed yet, but he wants Heeseung to be there when he wakes up in the morning.

When they get to Jake’s room, Heeseung goes toward Jay’s bed automatically. Jake reaches out his hand to stop him. “Wait, I want to have you next to me when I…” Jake trails off. Heeseung looks at him softly. “When I talk about it.” Jake finishes, voice barely audible.

Heeseung nods. “Whatever you want.” He squeezes Jake’s hand. Jake pulls him toward his bed and they adjust themselves so Heeseung is laying against Jake’s backboard and Jake is laying in between Heeseung’s legs, back to Heeseung’s chest.

It’s their favorite couch position, so Jake assumes he will feel safest like this. “So, you know bits and pieces…” Jake starts. “And I’m not sure how much I can talk about tonight, but I want to try.” Jake says, rubbing Heeseung’s thigh.

“I’m here to listen, but don’t push yourself.” Heeseung says. “You’ve already done a lot outside your comfort zone tonight.”

Jake shakes his head. “It didn’t feel too overwhelming tonight.” Jake says. “I was surprised because I was honestly expecting to react similarly to how I reacted last time.” Jake wraps his arms around himself. “I think the intermediary steps really helped.”

“I’m glad.” Heeseung says. “Still, if at any point you don’t want to keep talking about this, you can, okay?”

Jake nods. He closes his head leaning back against Heeseung’s chest. He can do this. “So I, uh, I obviously met him my freshman year…” Jake starts. He unwraps his arms and reaches out to grab Heeseung’s hand for support. Heeseung gives his hand a squeeze.

“We pretty much started hooking up my first week as a pledge.” Jake winces. “We did it on the down low though because he wasn’t really out. He said he wasn’t gay but would sleep with guys if he was horny enough.”

Heeseung snorts. “That’s some internalized homophobia.”

Jake nods, smiling a little. “Yeah, I think probably a lot of this stems from the fact he hates that he’s gay.”

“Please don’t make excuses for him.” Heeseung says. “Hating yourself doesn’t give you a free pass to commit crimes.”

Jake giggles. “So the be gay, do crime stick I got at pride lied to me?”

Heeseung pinches Jake’s side. Jake laughs. “Anyway, it was probably around October when I started hearing rumors about some of the guys at the frat…” Jake winces at the memory. “Nothing substantial but just vague whispers about girls being wary of drinks and stuff.”

“Mmm.” Heeseung hums neutrally.

“It wasn’t until November that Jay started trying to get to the bottom of it.” Jake says. “Around that time, some of the other pledges told us that they had to do things they were uncomfortable with.”

“Like what?” Heeseung asks.

“They wouldn’t tell us.” Jake says. “But we think they had to give some of the juniors and seniors head.” Jake shivers. “Most of the people in our year quit the fraternity after everything. They said Greek life was too tainted for them.”

“That’s understandable.” Heeseung says.

“Definitely.” Jake agrees. “I tried asking Joongi about it, but he brushed me off. Told me not to worry my pretty little head about that kind of thing.” Jake purses his lips.

“He sucks.” Heeseung says simply. “Really. I’m glad Jungwon broke his nose.”

Jake snorts. “Technically, Keeho did it first.” Jake recalls the party before Christmas break. “We were celebrating the end of finals and then all of a sudden there was a fight in the main room.” Jake says.

“It was Keeho and Joongi. Keeho was definitely winning, but it got split up before anyone got too injured.” Jake shrugs. “No one really knew what the fight was about. But Keeho came to an agreement with the other members that he would stay a part of the fraternity but never actually show up to any parties or events.”

“I guess that explains why Keeho was in your guys corner after everything.” Heeseung says.

“Yeah. He didn’t know the details. He just heard Joongi yell a shitty comment to one of the other members and it pissed him off. But it wasn’t enough to prove anything.”

“What was the comment?” Heeseung asks.

Jake cringes. “One of the guys made a lewd comment about the tightness of a girl’s…” Jake trails off. “I guess Joongi told them that he would give them a turn with me to see what tight really looks like.”

“He’s vile.” Heeseung says, shortly.

Jake nods.

Honestly, it was that moment that cemented his friendship with Keeho. Keeho still doesn’t know a lot about what happened and he has said he doesn’t want to know because it will only make him feel more guilt for not noticing it until it was too late. Jake can understand that. The only reason it was uncovered at all is because Jay does not give up once he starts something.

“Yeah, I had asked Joongi what the fight was about, and he said Keeho was just being a wet blanket.” Jake rolls his eyes. “Anyway, spring semester, once we graduated from being pledges, Jay and I suggested some changes to the other members at a weekly meeting. We didn’t get a lot of support outside our pledge class though.”

Jake shivers, remembering Joongi approaching him after the meeting. “Joongi told me that I should stick to being silent and looking pretty because our ideas were full of crap.” Heeseung squeezes Jake’s hand. “While that may have successfully gotten me to shut up, it did nothing to stop Jay.”

Heeseung hums.

“At one point, Jay hears something about videos and begins trying to get to the bottom of it.” Jake says, taking a breath. He’s preparing himself for the next part of the story. While talking about Joongi isn’t ever easy, the stuff he’s said is far from the truly heavy parts.

“For the next few months—while Jay Is trying to get to the bottom of the videos thing—I keep waking up groggy. And I keep finding a new bruises.” Jake says, shakily. “It probably happens about two or three times a week for like three months…” Jake trails off. “Sometimes I also have cum in my pants, but not always.”

Heeseung stiffens. Jake pats his thigh gently with his free hand.

“I was mildly concerned I had started sleep walking or something. But the groggy feeling was weird. It’s not like I didn’t remember going to bed, but it felt like I had taken nyquil or something if that makes sense.”

“It does.” Heeseung says. “Or rather, I should say I understand. Because none of what he did to you makes sense.”

Jake nods. “Jay is the one who ended up cracking the code so to speak.” Jake says. “One of the sophomores told him about a hard drive with videos that they kept in Tim’s room.”

“Tim?” Heeseung asks. “And he wasn’t kicked out?”

Jake shakes his head. “No evidence of him filming any of the videos…” Jake trails off. “I think that’s why they kept it in his room.” Jake pauses. “With a solid lead, Jay faked an illness to get out of going to the spring Woodser.”

“Woodser?” Heeseung asks.

“It’s like a big drinking party on a farm or in a field.” Jake explains. “They are a huge liability so we don’t do them anymore.”

“Makes sense.” Heeseung hums.

“Since most people loved them, Jay knew the house would be relatively empty. After everyone left, he went into Tim’s room and plugged his laptop into a hard drive buried in the back of Tim’s closet.” Jake pauses. “Sure enough, there were thousands of files. Apparently, the practice had been going on for years, so many of the videos were of people who already graduated.”

“Jay used a flash drive and started copying each file so he could turn it into admin. He didn’t want to watch any of them, so he figured he would let admin handle it.” Jake takes a deep breath. “The files were saved by the victim’s name and then the date.”

“Gross.” Heeseung spits. “They are despicable humans.”

“Yeah. Jay wanted to get out of there quick, but then I guess he froze when he saw my name…” Jake says. He’s shaking a bit now.

“Jaeyun, you don’t have to keep going.” Heeseung says gently. “Please don’t push yourself.”

Jake shakes his head. He can do this. Besides, he hates this story and he just wants to get it all out so he doesn’t have to say it again.

“There were about fifty files of me stemming about a four-month period.” Jake whispers, pinching his thigh to center himself. “Jay copied them to a separate flash drive since he wanted to speak to me before going to admin.”

Jake closes his eyes tight, still pinching his thigh. “Jay turned the flash drive with all the other files over to admin on Monday morning. And then he handed me the flash drive that afternoon.” Jake hesitates. “He gave me a warning about what he thought they might be about, but I honestly couldn’t believe it.”

Jake shakes his head. “So I was shocked when I saw the first video. Joongi uh. Well, he used me when I was knocked out.” Jake says, shaking heavily. “He would hold my arms down and um, well. I don’t think I can describe the videos in detail. But uh, he used pretty much every part of me.” Jake’s breathing is too fast. He knows he’s on the verge of panicking, but he’s also almost done with the Joongi part of the story.

“Jaeyun.” Heeseung says sternly. “Take a break okay.” He doesn’t touch Jake, which Jake appreciates. “I know you want to keep going but just give yourself a few seconds to breathe, okay?”

Jake nods, focusing on his breaths. He counts them in his head. He looks at Heeseung. “Can you go get me some water?” Heeseung nods, getting off the bed.

Jake doesn’t really pay attention to any thing while Heeseung is gone. Instead, he just counts his breaths. When Heeseung returns, he looks at the bed hesitantly. Jake wordlessly sits up so Heeseung can climb back behind him. He can do this. Heeseung is safe.

“It was obviously a betrayal of trust, but I also felt sick that other people had probably watched the videos.” Jake says softly. “I wasn’t thinking straight, so I dumbly confronted Joongi when Jay wasn’t home.”

“You’re not dumb.” Heeseung says firmly.

“Maybe not. But he uh…well, he you know.” Jake shrugs. He hopes Heeseung can read between the lines because he doesn’t think he can go into any more detail. “I tried screaming for help, but no one came.”

Heeseung is quiet. Jake looks to see his fists clenched tightly. “I’m just really sorry you went through that, Jaeyun.”

Jake shrugs. He can’t think about it too much or else he will spiral. “I gave the flash drive to Jay. I was sparse on the details but I implied what happened when I confronted Joongi. Jay tried his best to get everyone involved expelled.” Jake sighs. “He really tried. But there were nine people who simply knew about the videos and/or had watched them, but there was no evidence they actually filmed anything.”

“And of course, Joongi claimed it was all consensual.” Jake’s tongue tastes bitter. “It was his word against mine. They couldn’t kick him out of school.”

“Fuck expulsion. He should be behind bars.” Heeseung says.

Jake sighs. “Too hard to prove. Jay went to a lawyer.” Jake says. “The lawyer said unless I had something more than my word that it was not consensual, it would be too hard to prove.”

“I hate that.” Heeseung grits out.

“Honestly, it helped me know how to handle the situation my sophomore year.” Jake says. “So, I guess I learned something.”

Heeseung blinks at him.

“I haven’t told you about Carrie either.” Jake says. “Ideally, I was going to tell you about her tonight as well, but honestly, I’m pretty drained.” Jake shivers. His body feels like lead and he knows he won’t be able to make it through the Carrie story without having a panic attack.

“Let’s not push it for tonight then.” Heeseung nods. “You’ve been so brave tonight, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says seriously. “I’m in awe of you.”

Jake blushes a bit at that.

“Like I said earlier, you make me feel safe.” Jake smiles. “But, uh, I think we might have to skip the good night kiss for tonight.” Jake winces.

Heeseung smiles back softly. “Understandable.” He gets up from where he’s leaning against Jake’s backboard. “Goodnight, Jaeyun.” Heeseung waives as he walks over to Jay’s empty bed.

“Goodnight, Heeseung.” Jake says, moving to tuck himself under his covers. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Heeseung whispers as Jake turns off the lamp next to him.

Chapter Text

Jaeyun’s bed is unsurprisingly empty when Heeseung wakes up Saturday. It’s nearly noon, so Heeseung assumes Jaeyun has already eaten breakfast and done some TA work in the living room. Still, Heeseung is feeling clingy, especially after everything that happened last night. So, he shoots Jaeyun a text.

Heeseung: Just woke up

Jaeyun: 11:45. That’s early for you! :P

Jaeyun: You hungry?

Heeseung: Not really. Just in a lazy mood.

Jaeyun: Got it! Be right up.

Sure enough, Jaeyun does show up about five minutes later. “Hi sleepy head,” Jake says crawling into the bed across from Heeseung. Heeseung mumbles his greeting, but it’s mostly unintelligible.

“Are you feeling okay this morning?” Heeseung asks, looking for signs that Jaeyun is shaken after everything yesterday.

“A bit exhausted.” Jaeyun shrugs. “But okay considering.”

Heeseung nods. Jaeyun is playing with the edges of his blanket. Heeseung wants to offer to cuddle up next to him, but he assumes Jaeyun chose to lay on a sperate bed for a reason.

“I-uh. I still want to finish what I was telling you…” Jaeyun trails off. “I mean the part about Carrie…” Jaeyun sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I think it will help explain certain things.”

“Whatever you want.” Heeseung agrees. “You don’t have to do it know, but you can if you would prefer.”

Jaeyun nods. “I think I want to get it over with. I’ve been thinking about it all morning.”

“All right, then.” Heeseung gestures for Jaeyun to continue.

“So, since our frat had gone through a lot of changes over the summer. Jay and I were a bit nervous about how sophomore year would go.” Jaeyun starts. “Luckily, Lily was in a sorority and she convinced her president to pair up with our frat for some socials.”

Jaeyun sighs. “I thought she believed in our mission and that’s why she was so eager to help us. I mean that’s what she said at least.”

Heeseung frowns. Jaeyun keeps going. “Her name was Carrie. And for the first few months of the school year, she was really helpful in rebuilding our reputation.” Jaeyun shakes his head. “I could tell she had a crush on me, but I wasn’t really ready for that mentally.”

Heeseung nods, understanding.

“Still, in November, I was walking her home and I let her kiss me.” Jaeyun says. “It was nice and I respected her a lot, so I figured I might be able to start a relationship with her…assuming we could move slow.” Jaeyun emphasizes the last bit.

“For about a month, things were fine. She was a bit handsy and she definitely wanted to make out more than I did, but nothing bad really happened that month.” Jaeyun shrugs.

“It sounds like she wasn’t respecting your boundaries though.” Heeseung points out.

“Yeah, she had trouble with that.” Jaeyun winces. “We got in a pretty nasty fight before Christmas break because she really wanted to have sex before we left for break, but I, obviously, wasn’t ready for that.”

Heeseung frowns. “She shouldn’t have fought with you about that.”

Jaeyun smiles weakly. “It became a very frequent fight actually…When we got back from break, she started to bring it up nearly every time we hung out.” Jaeyun shivers. “She would fall asleep on my bed and then get upset when I woke her up to leave.”

Heeseung bites his tongue because he doesn’t want to interfere with Jaeyun’s story. But, this girl sounds like a terrible partner.

“She also really loved PDA, so she would get mad at me that I wasn’t really comfortable with much PDA.” Jaeyun stares at his blanket. “She would constantly try to take things further than I was ready for, so around February, I realized I needed to break up with her.” Jaeyun sighs. “At the time, I was thinking the relationship just wasn’t fair for her because I couldn’t give her what she wants.”

Heeseung shakes his head. “The relationship wasn’t fair for you. She wasn’t respecting your boundaries.”

Jake nods. “My plan was to end things with her the week after a big sorority party she was hosting because I didn’t want to get in the way of that.” Jaeyun’s eyes begin to water.

“Do you need a break?” Heeseung asks.

“No.” Jaeyun shakes his head. “I just need to get through it.” He pinches his thigh. “At the party, she, uh, put some type of sedative or relaxant in my drink.”

Heeseung’s eyes narrow. Jaeyun continues. “She started directing me to her room even though I was protesting the whole way, and all I could think about is admin the year before…” Jaeyun’s tears start to fall. “They kept saying there was no proof….so, I texted Lily in Carrie’s room, don’t want this. Please help.” Jaeyun is fully shaking now.

“Jaeyun, you don’t have to keep going.” Heeseung pleads. He can put the pieces together. He doesn’t need Jaeyun to re-visit this. “Don’t push yourself.”

Jaeyun shakes his head. “I can do this. I need to do this.”

“Apparently, she didn’t get very far into whatever she planned to do before Lily busted down the door with Jay and Sunghoon hot on her heels.” Jaeyun says softly. “I wouldn’t know because I basically passed out as soon as she pushed me onto the bed. I don’t know if it was the sedative or just shock, but I was out.”

Heeseung grinds his teeth. If this girl is walking around their campus like Joongi, Heeseung might lose his shit.

“I guess Sunghoon had to hold Jay back and Lily called campus PD.” Jaeyun says. “When the police arrived, I was still out. Carrie had told them that I had too much to drink, but that I consented before I passed out.” Jaeyun is still shaking. “The PD seemed to accept that, but Lily told them that she thought Carrie slipped me something and that I needed a blood test.”

The fact the police saw an unconscious person and weren’t even going to take him to the hospital makes Heeseung’s blood boil.

“Lily told them to search Carrie’s purse, but they said they needed probable cause to search her bag.” Jaeyun says hoarsely, tears still running down his cheeks. He takes a couple of deep breathes and then resumes. “Lily showed them my text and that’s when they seemed to realize that Carrie was full of shit.” Jaeyun frowns. “They searched her bag and found a sedative.”

Heeseung is speechless. Truly speechless that such an awful human could exist. And the fact Jaeyun has encountered two such humans as his romantic partners honestly makes Heeseung a little sick.

“They arrested her and called an ambulance to take me to the hospital. They confirmed I had the same sedative in my blood steam.” Jaeyun shakes his head. “When, I woke up there, I immediately emptied my stomach contents.”

Heeseung nods. “Understandable.”

“I know she didn’t actually get to do much, but for some reason it fucked me up more than what happened with Joongi.” Jaeyun says.

“Okay, first of all, she did do something.” Heeseung says. “Don’t minimize her actions just because she was stopped early on.”

Jaeyun nods.

“Second, the fact that two people betrayed your trust in such a short period of time would cause anyone to shut down.” Heeseung says. Jaeyun wipes his tears with his sleeve. “You’re a very strong person, Jaeyun.” Heeseung whispers. “I need you to know that.”

Jaeyun shakes his head. “I-uh.” He tries brushes his hand through his hair. “That night I told Lily, Jay and Sunghoon that I would only be able to tell the story once, so I was going to wait until I had to talk to admin.”

Heeseung nods, tabling the other discussion. He knows Jaeyun doesn’t think that about himself, and as much as he wants to be, Heeseung won’t be the one to change his mind.

“With significantly more evidence than last time, Carrie was charged with attempted sexual assault. And the school had no choice but to expel her.” Jaeyun says softly.

“Good.” Heeseung crosses his arms. “She deserves jail time.”

Jaeyun winces. “Eh, about that…I guess she entered into a plea bargain where she served community service instead of jail time.” Jaeyun shrugs. “She also got permission to do community service in the state she planned to move to.”

Heeseung can tell his disappointment is not well-hidden based on Jaeyun’s smirk. “Yeah, Lily isn’t happy with the outcome either, but honestly, she has the charge on her records, which is more than I can say for Joongi.”

“I am so sorry you had to go through so much, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says emphatically.

Jaeyun shakes his head. “I hate talking about it.” He says quietly. “I wish it didn’t affect me so much…but I figured giving you the whole backstory would help give context to some of my boundaries.”

Heeseung chooses his words carefully. “I am honored that you trust me enough to share all of this with me.” Heeseung touches his hand to his heart. “But you shouldn’t need to explain your boundaries to me. Your boundaries are your own, and all I need to know is that they exist.”

Jaeyun’s bottom lip quivers. “I am really lucky I texted you about Jay’s underwear.”

Heeseung snorts, but then looks at Jaeyun from across the room. Jaeyun isn’t looking at the blanket anymore. “I think I’m the lucky one, Jaeyun.”

Jaeyun smiles. Then he looks around. “Normally, this would be a good time to cuddle, but…I can’t really handle physical touch right now.”

Heeseung waives his hand dismissively. “Are you feeling up for food instead?”

“Ramyeon?” Jaeyun asks hopefully. Heeseung nods and they both laugh at Jaeyun’s full body wiggle. It reminds Heeseung of an overexcited puppy.

With two weeks left of class, Heeseung is stressed.

Trying to finish everything up and trying to find a job has proved to be much more difficult than he anticipated. After spring break, both he and Jaeyun resumed their busy schedules which has left precious little time together. Still, they have make sure to keep Monday evenings and Friday afternoons open to see each other.

However, before they meet up tonight, Heeseung has to meet with his professor for his directed mentorship. After that, he will pick up Jaeyun so they can have dinner at Heeseung’s apartment.

He was supposed to meet his professor at 3, but Professor Kim isn’t really the most punctual person, so he’s not surprised it’s 3:30 and there’s still no sign of him.

“Ah, Heeseung.” A voice calls from down the hall. “I hope you haven’t been waiting for me too long.” Professor Kim says hurrying toward his office door.

Heeseung shakes his head. “Not too long.”

“I’ve got some exciting news for you today.” Professor Kim says. “Very exciting.”

Heeseung likes Professor Kim. He is a teacher, but he still does a lot of production work throughout the school year under the stage name, Wonderkid. He’s a bit quirky, but Heeseung doesn’t mind it.

Heeseung follows the man into his office, which is, unsurprisingly filled with miscellaneous papers and music equipment. Heeseung is used to this and just makes room for himself on the couch in the corner. He isn’t sure he’s ever seen the top of Professor Kim’s desk—it’s more of a storage container than a desk at this point.

“Okay, so I’ve heard back from four of the companies that you’ve applied to.” Professor Kim starts without preamble. “I heard back from the small indie label that is only about a 45-minute drive from here. They are willing to proceed with an interview. But from what I understand, your salary is going to be very low. Not market level at all.”

Heeseung nods. He had expected that. That label only had three producers and one recording room. It was super small and Heeseung hadn’t expected much in the way of salary. Honestly, the best part about it was how close it would be to Jaeyun.

“On the other side of things, I also heard back from the two big companies you applied to. The first one isn’t hiring anyone at the moment, but they said your application was attractive and that they would keep you in mind for the future.” Professor Kim smiles. “The other big company, the one that bought Shout Out, is also not hiring, but they said they were willing to make an exception for you.”

Heeseung gapes. He had purposefully tried not to get his hopes up about either of the big companies because he knew it was likely that they weren’t hiring.

“It’s not a sure thing though.” Professor Kim says. “They would like to hire you on for the summer. But it would be on a paid internship basis.” Heeseung nods. “If the internship goes well, then they will likely offer you full time employment starting in the fall.”

It’s a bit of a risky option, but Heeseung is tempted by it. “What is the internship salary like?” Heeseung asks.

“It’s about the same as what you would be making at the indie label.” Professor Kim admits. “But, if you got a full-time offer, then your salary would nearly double in the fall.”

“It’s tempting.” Heeseung agrees. “Really tempting.”

His professor smiles, but he doesn’t express an opinion one way or another. Instead, he moves onto the final label. “The last option is the medium-sized label. They are willing to proceed with an interview and hire you on at a starting position.” Professor Kim explains. “The salary is more than the internship and indie label but it’s a bit less than the full-time salary you would make at the larger label in the fall.”

Heeseung nods. “That’s the one that’s two and half hours away, right?”

“Yes. And I would expect at all of these labels, you will be working a lot of weekends to start.” Professor Kim cautions. “The hours are always tough in the beginning.”

Heeseung frowns.

“You’ve got a little time to decide. How about you take the week and then when we meet next Monday you can let me know what you want to do?” Professor Kim suggests. “If you want to proceed with the internship, then there is obviously no need for the two interviews. However, if you want to proceed with the interviews, I would suggest doing both to increase your odds.”

Heeseung nods. While he has a preference, he needs to discuss the three options with Jaeyun. Jaeyun’s insight is invaluable. Also, Heeseung doesn’t think it’s right to make such a big life decision without at least consulting Jaeyun since they will both be affected by whatever Heeseung decides.

After Heeseung picks Jaeyun up, the drive to his apartment is particularly quiet. Maybe Jaeyun can sense Heeseung’s tension, but Jaeyun doesn’t even ask to switch the aux cord to his Justin Bieber playlist.

They shuffle inside Heeseung’s apartment and take off their shoes. Jaeyun puts the food they picked up on the table. He looks at the couch and then back at the food. “Do you want to have a stressed-out dinner? Or should we just go to the couch and talk about whatever is on your mind?” Jaeyun asks.

Heeseung snorts. “Probably the couch is better.” Jaeyun smiles, grabbing Heeseung’s hand and moving them in that direction. Heeseung lays down first, making room for Jake to lay in between his legs. He knows talking about this now is the right call, but it’s a little hard to start.

“I met with Professor Kim today.” Heeseung says. “He heard back from some of the companies that I applied to.”

“Ah.” Jake says, lacing his fingers through Heeseung’s. “I see.”

“I have three options right now.” Heeseung says.

“Oo three is really good, right?” Jaeyun asks.

Heeseung nods, giving him a quick kiss on the crown of his head. “It is. But it is also hard because there are pros and cons with each option.”

Jake hums. “That makes sense. Let’s hear them then.”

“Well, the first difference is the size of the label. There’s an option with a small, medium, and big label.” Heeseung says. “The small label is the closest to here. But it also has the worst salary.” Jaeyun furrows his eyebrows.

Heeseung continues. “The medium label is the furthest from here. About two and a half hours. The salary is good and if I got the job, I would be guaranteed to be employed.” Jaeyun nods, squeezing Heeseung’s hand to show he’s listening.

“The big label is about an hour and a half from here, and I would have to do a summer internship first.” Heeseung winces. “The pay for that wouldn’t be amazing and there is no guarantee that they offer me a job…” He trails off. “But if I do get the job offer then it would have the best salary of the three, starting in the fall.”

Jaeyun doesn’t say anything for a minute or two. “Distance from here shouldn’t be a deciding factor.” Jaeyun says. “Next year is my senior year.”

Heeseung frowns. “But you want to be a professor. You still need to get your master’s and your PHD right?” Heeseung wraps his free hand around Jaeyun’s chest, Jaeyun snuggles into the embrace. “It will be easier for you to stay at one school so you have a better chance of being employed after you are done studying here.”

Jaeyun clicks his tongue. “That’s just one option though.” He pats the arm wrapped around Jaeyun. “Sure, in an ideal world, I would do my Master’s and PHD here and I would be employed here, but…there are other schools, Heeseung.”

“But I don’t want to take you away from your support system.” Heeseung shakes his head.

Jaeyun looks up at him, smiling sadly. “Jay and Sunghoon likely won’t stay here after they graduate. Jay is going to work for his dad, so that’s going to be at least an hour drive.” He looks back down at their legs tangled together under the blanket.

“Lily is probably going to get her Master’s, but I’ve made her follow me across the globe, so I doubt she will say no to moving a couple of hours away.” Jaeyun shrugs. “And even if she does say no, that doesn’t mean I have to stay here.”

Jaeyun squeezes Heeseung’s hand before he lets go to start tracing his fingers up Heeseung’s forearm. “Besides you can’t make a career decision based on my support system.” Jaeyun points out. “You have to make the decision that’s based on what’s best for you.”

“What’s best for me is making sure I make a decision that will also be best for us.” Heeseung insists. “I don’t want to be selfish about this.”

“I know that. And I love that about you.” Jaeyun says softly. “But this is a decision that will involve compromises from both of us, no?”

Heeseung pauses at that. “Right now, it seems like you are thinking only you need to compromise. But I can make some compromises too.” Jaeyun continues.

“I may have to apply to a master’s program closer to wherever you work.” Jaeyun gently rubs Heeseung’s thigh. “And you might have to live a bit further from your label once I move there.” Jaeyun moves his hand back to Heeseung’s forearm, resuming the patterns he was tracing. “You’re also going to have to buy an apartment that has a bedroom door that I can lock from the inside.”

Heeseung nods firmly. “That’s non-negotiable. I want to make sure you feel safe when you visit.” Heeseung says. “The first couple of times, I can also have a backup hotel room reserved in case you feel uncomfortable.”

Jaeyun hums. “There’s a lot of unknowns. But I don’t think we need to solve all of them for you to make your decision.” Jaeyun smiles. “I think for now, let’s take distance off the table and just analyze the companies on their other merits.”

“Okay…” Heeseung says, hugging Jaeyun a little tighter. “I think I can take the Indie label off the table then.” Heeseung admits. “The salary really wouldn’t allow me to rent the kind of apartment I’m envisioning.”

“I agree.” Jaeyun nods. “That one doesn’t seem like the right fit.”

“Okay, so what about the big company?” Jaeyun moving his fingers to trace patterns on Heeseung’s palm.

“I think with that one, it is a little more nerve-wracking since the job isn’t guaranteed.” Heeseung says. He doesn’t like the risk aspect of it, especially since it will be even harder to find a job in the fall if things fall through.

“It’s about a forty-five-minute drive from my mom’s, so I think it might make sense if I stay with her over the summer and commute.” Heeseung explains. The commute will suck, but he doesn’t really see a better alternative. “If I get the job, then I will rent an apartment closer, but since the internship salary isn’t great, I don’t think I can get an apartment right away.”

“Is the big company the same company that bought Shout Out?” Jaeyun asks curiously.

“It is.” Heeseung nods.

“Hmm.” Jaeyun flips Heeseung’s hand over. “So, if it was a guarantee for both, which company would you prefer working for?”

Heeseung doesn’t hesitate. “The company that bought Shout Out. They have some producers I really admire and I think there would be more opportunity for growth there.”

“Makes sense.” Jaeyun nods. “Do you want my opinion?”

“Always.” Heeseung smiles, leaning down to give Jaeyun’s head another kiss.

“I think you should go with the company that has already proven that they believe in your artistic talent.” Jaeyun says. “That medium-sized company could have bought Shout Out, but they didn’t. And I think you should go with a company that already likes the style of music that you put out.”

Heeseung bites his lip. “But what if I don’t get the job?”

“Then, we will figure something else out.” Jaeyun says. “You can’t be afraid to go for something you want just because it might not work out.” Jaeyun points between them. “If that was true, the two of us would have never started dating.”

Heeseung smiles. “Have I mentioned that I love you?”

“I love you too.” Jaeyun says. “So much.” Then, his stomach grumbles. “I also love food.”

Heeseung laughs. “I’ve deprived you from your dinner long enough. Let’s eat.” Heeseung tucks a strand of Jaeyun’s hair behind his ear.

“Thank god.” Jaeyun says, jumping up and heading toward the kitchen.

On Thursday, Heeseung meets Sunoo at a sushi place for dinner, but to his surprise, Jungwon is also there. According to Sunoo, Jungwon and him have been getting closer since he ended things with Keeho. Heeseung had tried to pry about whether there was anything romantic there, but one look from Sunoo made him decide to mind his business.

“Sorry I’m late.” Heeseung says, sitting down.

“Is it really late if you’re never actually on time?” Sunoo smirks.

Heeseung rolls his eyes. “You’re a menace.” Then, he nods as Jungwon. “Nice to see you, Jungwon.”

Jungwon nods. “Pretty much a week left of class? You guys ready for it?” Heeseung asks them. “You’ll be juniors soon.”

Sunoo laughs. “I feel like I should be asking you that. You’re graduating.”

Heeseung shakes his head. “Yeah, I don’t even know how that’s happening.” Heeseung says. “It feels like two weeks ago, I walked on campus as a scrawny freshman.”

“Don’t worry.” Sunoo says. “You’re still scrawny as fuck.”

Jungwon bites on his lip to avoid smiling. Heeseung throws his napkin at Sunoo. “Look who’s talking?” Heeseung points at Sunoo.

“Not true.” Jungwon takes a sip of his water. “Sunoo has hidden biceps.”

Sunoo blushes a bit at that. Interesting. “Enough about that. How are things with Jaeyun?” Sunoo asks. “Is he planning to embarrass you at your graduation?”

Heeseung groans. “I am trying to convince him and Sunghoon that they do not need to bring a flashing neon sign.”

“Too late.” Jungwon murmurs. “I saw Ni-ki and Jake carrying a big bright sign to the storage closet the other day.”

“Damn.” Heeseung murmurs. “They are going to make a scene.”

“Of course, they will.” Sunoo says. “Their proud of you. And being obnoxious is how they show that pride.” Sunoo smiles. “Will Heedo be there?”

“Yes.” Heeseung sighs. “And since he met Jaeyun when we played basketball, I’m sure he will join in to whatever madness he has planned.”

“Why do you call Jake, Jaeyun?” Jungwon interrupts.

Heeseung blinks. “Uh.”

Jungwon waives his hands in front of him. “I don’t mean to imply you’re doing anything wrong. I just mean. He doesn’t even like professors calling him Jaeyun. He likes everyone to call him Jake, right?” Jungwon asks. “I’m just curious.” He shrugs.

Heeseung nods, trying to gather his thoughts. “I don’t think the answer is very revolutionary.” Heeseung laughs awkwardly. “He just likes that I call him Jaeyun.” Heeseung blushes. “I asked if he would prefer that I call him Jake, but…” Heeseung shrugs.

“That’s sweet.” Jungwon nods. “Cheesy…but sweet.”

Sunoo nods. “I think that’s their entire relationship.” He points out. “I’ve never met a cheesier couple. At first, I thought it was just the honey moon stage, but they’ve been dating for like seven months and they are still like this.”

“I’m really glad you invited me to dinner.” Heeseung says dryly. “I’m having a great time.”

“Oh, shush.” Sunoo laughs. “You’re fine.”

“What about either of you? Any new romantic developments?” Heeseung asks, neutrally. Painfully neutrally.

“Several. I am back to playing the field.” Sunoo winks. Jungwon glances at him quickly and then frowns. Heeseung doesn’t have a death wish, so he ignores the look and moves to a much safer topic.

“What’s going on with Sunoo and Jungwon?” Jaeyun asks the next night. They just finished watching Princess Diaries.

“I was just going to ask you that.” Heeseung laughs. “I think Jungwon’s feelings are a bit more obvious to me than Sunoo’s.”

“Same.” Jaeyun sighs. “I tried asking Hoon about it, but he said Sunoo hasn’t mentioned anything.” Jaeyun pouts. “I don’t want to meddle, but…” Jaeyun trails off. “They would be cute together.”

Heeseung smiles. “They would be. But, with romantic stuff, Sunoo doesn’t like to be pushed. He’s not a huge fan of commitment.”

Jaeyun nods. “I won’t push him. I get it.”

Heeseung rubs Jaeyun’s knee. Their legs are tangled together again. “I know you do.”

Heeseung looks at the clock. “Should I drive you home soon?” Heeseung asks. “I know there is a party tomorrow that you have to clean for.”

Jaeyun looks at him and there is a warmth to his gaze. Jaeyun adjusts his position so that he is straddling Heeseung. “I’m not ready to leave yet.” He pouts, looking up at Heeseung.

Since spring break, they haven’t done more than mutual hand jobs. Sometimes Jaeyun still prefers just to have phone sex, but each time they get each other off, Heeseung can tell Jaeyun is getting a little more curious. Last week, Jaeyun had started to ask him about going further, but then he decided he wanted to wait. Heeseung hadn’t pushed. He might be whipped, but honestly, he is happy with anything Jaeyun wants to do to him.

“Hmm.” Heeseung hums. “And what do you want to do?”

Jaeyun looks at him, eyes hooded. “I was thinking…” Jaeyun takes a deep breath. “I was thinking I could try tasting you tonight?”

Heeseung smiles. “I, uh, I’m not going to say no to that plan.” Heeseung admits. “Are you sure you want to do that tonight though?”

Jaeyun nods, excitedly. “I want to taste you. I might not be ready for you do the same for me, but I really want to suck you off.”

“You’ve been thinking about putting me in your mouth, darling?” Heeseung asks, smirking down at him.

Jaeyun whines. “Yes, a lot.”

“Okay" Heeseung tucks a strand of Jaeyun's hair behind his ear. "Where do you want me?” Heeseung asks.

“Here is good.” Jaeyun points to the couch, shimmying his way down.

“We aren’t even going to make out first?” Heeseung laughs at Jaeyun’s eagerness.

Jaeyun shakes his head lifting the edge of Heeseung’s t-shirt. “I've been fantasizing about this for tooo long.”

Heeseung shivers. Jaeyun smirks, removing Heeseung’s top. He begins sucking on the juncture where Heeseung’s neck meets his shoulder. It’s his favorite spot to give Heeseung a love bite. Heeseung groans at the sudden sting.

Jaeyun moves to lick Heeseung’s chest until he gets to Heeseung’s nipple, taking it in his mouth to suck lightly. Heeseung groans. Fuck, Jaeyun is really good that.

Jaeyun grazes his nipple with his teeth and Heeseung kicks out his feet at the sensation. “Fuck, Jaeyun.”

Jaeyun looks up at him, mouth still closed around his nipple and he sucks harder. Heeseung takes in a harsh breath. Jaeyun’s going to kill him before he gets anywhere near Heeseung’s dick.

Jaeyun moves his mouth slowly to the other nipple. Hot breath hitting Heeseung’s chest. “Jaeyun, your mouth.”

Jaeyun laughs into Heeseung’s chest. “Am I getting you worked up already?”

Heeseung stares down at him. “Of course, you are. Your mouth feels so good.”

Jaeyun doesn’t say anything more. Instead, he starts sucking on his left nipple. Heeseung mewls at the sensation. Jaeyun uses the edge of his teeth and Heeseung slaps his hand on the couch in an effort to release some of the tension thrumming through his body. It doesn’t work.

“Baby, please.” Heeseung begs.

Jaeyun releases Heeseung’s nipple with a pop, spit still hanging from his chin. “You want my mouth lower?” Jaeyun asks. Heeseung nods quickly.

Jaeyun traces Heeseung’s happy trail with his tongue and then begins unzipping Heeseung’s pants. Heeseung shimmies them down to his thighs, but they don’t bother trying to take them off completely. Instead, Jaeyun moves towards Heeseung’s boxers and begins sliding them down as well.

Once Heeseung’s dick is free, Jaeyun immediately stars pressing light kisses to Heeseung’s inner thighs. He develops a rhythm of a few soft licks and then a harsh nip against Heeseung’s skin. It’s the perfect balance of pleasure and pain and Heeseung kind of wants to cry from the stimulation. His dick is throbbing and he needs Jaeyun to touch it, but he’s showing no signs of even acknowledging it at this point.

“Jaeyun, I need you.” Heeseung breathes heavily. “I need you to…” Heeseung can’t finish his thought because Jaeyun bites down hard on his left thigh. “Fuck.”

Jaeyun rubs the spot where he bit and looks up at Heeseung, innocently. “What do you need, dear?”

Heeseung groans. “Your mouth.”

“Where do you need my mouth?” Jaeyun asks slyly, licking a spot just above Heeseung’s length.

“My dick. I need-“ Heeseung doesn’t continue because a soon as he says dick, Jaeyun starts licking Heeseung’s balls. “Oh fuck. Yes.” Heeseung whispers. “Yes.”

Jaeyun gives them a couple more licks and then he begins to suck. Heeseung can already see stars, and he is a bit afraid he might come prematurely because of how good Jaeyun feels.

“My, god.” Heeseung whines. “You’re so amazing. Just like that.”

Jaeyun hums, mouth vibrating as he sucks and Heeseung really might lose it. But then, Jaeyun stops his torture and moves to the tip of Heeseung’s dick. He licks the tip softly and then continues tracing a path down to the base. His tongue is gentle, barely there as moves back and forth across Heeseung’s length.

Heeseung cries out when Jaeyun stars pressing his thumb at the base of Heeseung’s dick while he sucks at the tip. “Fuck.”

Jaeyun continues the pressure as he takes more of Heeseung into his mouth. When Jaeyun has about three-fourths of Heeseung’s dick in his mouth, he begins to suck in earnest. He bobs his up and down, taking a little more of Heeseung each time.

“You-you feel so good.” Heeseung whines. Jaeyun doesn’t pay him any attention. Just keeps sucking. Heeseung isn’t sure if it’s the pressure, the foreplay, or if he just doesn’t have any kind of stamina with Jaeyun, but he feels the telltale sign of his orgasm way too soon. “Shit, Jaeyun.” Heeseung cries. “Off. Gonna come.”

Jaeyun shakes his head, determinedly taking more of Heeseung into his mouth. Heeseung groans and comes at the sensation of Jaeyun sucking him deeper.

Jaeyun swallows it all, still sucking. Heeseung moans from overstimulation. “Too much.” Heeseung cries. “Too much.” He expects Jaeyun to remove his mouth, but instead Jaeyun just looks up at him, one eyebrow raised.

Whatever expression he sees on Heeseung’s face makes Jaeyun double his efforts, taking Heeseung to the back of his throat. He moves Heeseung’s hand to his hair, indicating that he wants Heeseung to use his mouth. Heeseung can barely think at this point. He is too dumb from his first orgasm, so he does what Jaeyun says and starts shoving his dick down Jaeyun’s throat.

The pace is a bit ruthless and Jaeyun almost gags a couple of times, but they are both too far gone for it to slow them down too much. The heat is too much. “You’re taking me so well.” Heeseung groans. “So well, baby.” Jaeyun’s only response is a gurgle.

Heeseung speeds up his thrusts. Jaeyun likely won’t be able to talk much tomorrow with how harsh Heeseung’s pace is, but he’s pretty sure neither of them cares about that right now. “You like my dick that much?” Heeseung asks, voice shaking with tension. “So much that you want me to use your throat with it?” Heeseung emphasizes his words with a particularly harsh thrust. Jaeyun tries nodding but the grip Heeseung has on his head makes it impossible.

Heeseung looks down and sees Jaeyun has one hand down his own pants. He hadn’t even noticed Jaeyun unzip them.

“Me fucking your throat has you worked up, huh?” Heeseung asks. “Let me finish, and I’ll give you a hand.” Heeseung grunts. “I’m almost there.”

Jaeyun opens his mouth wider and Heeseung thrusts deeper. He can feel his orgasm building. He just needs a little more. Jaeyun seems to sense it as he moves his left hand to squeeze Heeseung's balls. The pressure immediately pushes Heeseung over the edge, and he’s coming down Jaeyun’s throat again.

Heeseung nearly cries when Jaeyun teases the tip of his dick instead of releasing him. But fortunately, Jaeyun shows him mercy and actually lets him go this time. Heeseung closes his eyes, completely blissed out. “Give me a second and then I’ll give you a hand.”

Jaeyun blushes. “No need.”

Heeseung opens one eye. “You came just from blowing me?”

Jaeyun nods, sheepishly. “I have an oral fixation.”

Heeseung barks out a laugh. “That I noticed.” He smiles. “It’s why all your straws look like used chewed toys.”

Jaeyun hits Heeseung’s thigh. “Don’t make fun.”

Heeseung looks at him seriously. “Never.” He pulls Jaeyun up so he’s laying against Heeseung’s chest. “Never, okay? You did so well for me.”

“You liked it?” Jaeyun asks, shyly.

“Liked it?” Heeseung asks. “Jaeyun, that was incredible. You’re incredible.”

“I’m not too messy?” Jaeyun asks nervously.

Heeseung tries to calm himself before he gets too angry. He’s not sure who is responsible for this insecurity, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not true.

“No. You’re so sexy, Jaeyun.” Heeseung pats the back of his head. “I loved it. You made me come twice, darling.”

Jaeyun nods, satisfied.

“Are you mad I’m not ready for you to return the favor?”

“No.” Heeseung shakes his head. “I only want to do what your comfortable with.”

Jaeyun smiles. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chapter Text

“When is graduation again?” Ni-ki asks, falling on the grass in front of the frat house. He and Jake went for a run before it got too hot.

“May 10.” Jake says in between breaths. Ni-ki’s pacing for running is really improving. Jake is still faster, of course, but it’s clear that Ni-ki has been running on his own time as well. Jake remembers the first time he ran with Ni-ki. The boy acted like he had been shot out of a cannon but his pacing had been shit. They had to stop after a mile.

“And you’re sure the air horns are overkill?” Ni-ki smiles.

Jake laughs. “I think we will stick with the posters and cheering.” Jake says. “Honestly, that will still probably embarrass him plenty.”

Ni-ki nods. “When does his internship start?” Jake sits up, his chest heaving slightly. Ni-ki raises an eyebrow at him.

“May 20.” Jake frowns, plucking a piece of grass. He stars moving it between his fingers, avoiding eye contact.

“He’s going to live with his mom, right?” Ni-ki asks. Jake keeps playing with the grass. When Sunghoon and Jay had asked about it, Jake decided it was time to clean his and Jay’s dorm room. But outside, there is nothing for Jake to busy himself with.

“Yeah, summer classes for me start on the 15th, so he is going to move his stuff home that Friday.” Jake pouts. He honestly isn’t sure why he is so anxious about it. He and Heeseung have repeatedly talked about it, and Jake knows Heeseung would gladly reassure him again if he asked. “I feel silly for being so moody about it, honestly.”

Ni-ki shrugs. “It’s normal though right. It’s a big change.”

“But it’s not like we won’t be able to talk every day. And we won’t be living so far that seeing each other is impossible.” Jake reasons.

“Sure.” Ni-ki nods. “But there’s something about the convenience of living so close.” Ni-ki says. “Right now, if you needed him, he’s like a five-minute drive.”

Jake nods, still playing with the grass. And that is the root of the issue. Somehow, almost against Jake’s will, Heeseung has become someone he can rely on when he’s having an off day. Jake is thankful for his friends and he knows he can rely on them too, but with Heeseung it’s a different type of reliance. And after everything that has happened, it isn’t something that Jake wants to take for granted.

“I’m not saying you won’t be able to do it.” Ni-ki smiles. “I just think it’s okay to give yourself a break for being sad about it.”

Jake nods. He’s never really been good about giving himself breaks, but Ni-ki is probably right. Beating himself up is not helping him be less sad.

“I missed you over Christmas break and it wasn’t even a month.” Ni-ki points out.

“You did?” Jake asks.

“Don’t let it get to your head.” Ni-ki shakes his head. “But yeah, I’m sure next year I will be the moody one because you all will be leaving me behind here.”

Jake honestly hadn’t thought of it like that.

“You don’t think we will stop talking to you right?” Jake frowns.

“No. I know we will still be friends.” Ni-ki smiles. “You can’t get rid of me.” He sighs. “It just won’t be as easy to see you as it is now.”

“Yeah.” Jake says. “Yeah, I get that.”

“Growing up is kind of hard.” Ni-ki laughs, rolling over on his stomach. He can hear a voice in his head, sounding suspiciously like Jungwon, chiding him for letting Ni-ki get grass stains all over his clothes. But what Jungwon doesn’t know won’t kill him.

“It is, isn’t it.” Jake shrugs helplessly.

They don’t say anything more, but neither of them moves to get up. Jake lays back down on his back and stares up at the morning sky. It’s peaceful at this time. He loves running in the morning for this very reason. After about twenty minutes, he looks over to see Ni-ki has fallen asleep. Ni-ki looks younger when he sleeps. Jake would be tempted to take a photo and send it to Heeseung, but for obvious reasons, Jake doesn’t really like taking photos of people sleeping even if he knows they wouldn’t mind.

He opts for a text message instead.

Jake: Ni-ki fell asleep after our run. He looks like a baby duck when he sleeps.

He doesn’t expect a response. It’s still way too early for Heeseung to be awake yet. Still, he knows Heeseung will like reading it. He always says that Jake’s morning thoughts are some of his favorite texts.

“You know what sucks about having all of your finals be due the last day of finals week?” Heeseung asks, tracing his fingers along Jake’s spine. They just finished a movie—My Big Fat Greek Wedding—and now Jake is on his stomach with his head in Heeseung’s lap.

“What?” Jake mumbles, the sound muffled by the fabric from Heeseung’s pants.

“They hang over you.” Heeseung whines. “And no matter how much I tell myself not to procrastinate, I end up doing it anyway.”

“Have you tried making a schedule for yourself?” Jake asks sitting up so he can face Heeseung. Heeseung pouts.

“Yeah. It’s no use.” Heeseung shakes his head. “I just keep adjusting it until I’m trying to finish everything on the last day.”

“Sounds stressful.” Jake agrees. “Do you prefer it that way?”

Heeseung shakes his head. “No. And I really don’t want to wait until the last day this time…” Heeseung trails off.

Jake nods, understanding. “Do you want my help or are you just ranting?”

Heeseung looks at him curiously. “You think you can help me with this?”

Jake hums affirmatively. “I have an idea that might work.” He winces. “You’re going to hate it.”

Heeseung raises one eyebrow.

“What if I restrict me?” Jake asks. Heeseung blinks. “Maybe you need some external pressure.” Jake clarifies.

“What do you mean?” Heeseung narrows his eyes.

“It’s just an idea.” Jake holds up his hands defensively. “But what if we don’t hang out again or see each other until you’ve finished all your finals.” Jake says.

Heeseung whines. “That’s not fair. I want to maximize my time with you before my internship starts.”

“And you would be able to. So long as you don’t wait until the last day to submit all your finals.” Jake points out.

Heeseung frowns, considering it. “You’re serious?” Heeseung asks. “But isn’t that also punishing you?” Heeseung pouts. “Feels unfair to you."

“It’s not unfair to me. I suggested it.” Jake points out. “Besides, I could use the time to buckle down on my own studying.”

Heeseung hums. “I think it might work actually.”

“Perfect. I’ll even text Jay to come pick me up.” Jake says, reaching for his phone.

“Wait, you want to start now?” Heeseung knocks Jake’s phone out of his hands. “Can you at least let me drive you back?”

Jake laughs. “Fine.” He points a finger in Heeseung’s direction. “But no funny business until after your finals are over.”

Heeseung rolls his eyes. “Yes sir.”

Heeseung: I am going to try to submit my last final tonight.

Jake: Ooo two days before finals end. Look at you. Killing it.

Heeseung: Your last final is tomorrow, right?

Jake: Yeah, I already turned in my musical theater project.

Heeseung: Do you want to grab lunch after your final ends?

Jake: Can we do a picnic?

Heeseung: I haven’t done a picnic in ages.

Heeseung: Sounds fun. What should I bring?

Jake: I can bring the blankets, basket and food. Can you cover utensils and drinks?

Jake: And the car to get us there.

Heeseung: I can do that.

Jake spreads out the blanket on a patch of grass under a tree. “This is perfect.” He says as he puts the basket down on the blanket. Heeseung hums.

“I didn’t even know this park existed.” Heeseung says looking around. It’s usually pretty empty, but with finals finishing and campus clearing for the summer, it is even less crowded than typical.

“It’s nice, right?” Jake asks. “I pass by it on my longer runs sometimes.”

Heeseung shivers. “But this is like 3 miles from the frat house?”

“I like to do a 10k at least once a week.” Jake shrugs. “Usually takes about 45 minutes.”

“A 10k is like six miles, right?” Heeseung asks. Jake nods.

Heeseung just stares at him in horror. Jake bites his lip to prevent himself from laughing. “If you had to pick a physical activity to do, what would it be?” Jake asks.

“Basketball.” Heeseung says confidently. “I actually like to play with my brother.”

“And you’re good at it.” Jake smiles. “You played in high school, right?”

“I did.” Heeseung says pulling plastic cups and utensils out of the canvas bag he brought. He also pulls out soda. Jake isn’t sure if Heeseung doesn’t drink alcohol outside of parties or just doesn’t drink it around Jake, but either way, Jake is happy there’s something for him to choose from.

“Any other sports.” Jake asks, reaching for a cup to pour himself some coke. Heeseung shakes his head. “Should we unpack the basket?” Jake nods at the food.

It’s nothing to special—just an assortment of meat, fruit, and cheese but still, he knows Heeseung is probably hungry. Heeseung nods, helping Jake pull the various plates of food out. “What about you? Would you pick running over soccer?” Heeseung asks.

“It’s hard to pick because I feel like they go together so well.” Jake pouts.

Heeseung snorts. “I’ll take your word for it.” He thinks for a second. “What about a sport you want to try?”

“Tennis. I really want to try Tennis.” Jake claps excitedly. “Ni-ki said he can help teach me this summer.”

“Do you have a racket?” Heeseung asks.

“Ni-ki has an extra for me to borrow.” Jake says. “I'm pretty sure Lily has one too." Lily had joined the tennis team her sophomore year. She had really enjoyed it and begged Jake to join. But Jake had been too focused on soccer in high school.

“Ni-ki did tennis?” Heeseung asks, surprised.

“Apparently he tried most sports.” Jake laughs. “Soccer, dance, baseball, basketball, and tennis.”

“And he still kicks my ass at gaming.” Heeseung pouts. He looks adorable with his bottom lip jutted out. Jake kind of wants to bite it, but he refrains. Instead, he tucks a piece of Heeseung’s hair behind his ear. He died his hair a soft purple for the summer and it really suits him. At first the color reminded Jake of grape juice, but now after it has faded some, the color is more a pretty violet.

“He’s excited for your graduation.” Jake smiles. “We all are actually.”

“We?” Heeseung asks, skeptically.

“Me, Ni-ki, Jay, Sunghoon, Jungwon, and Sunoo.” Jake confirms.

“Jungwon wants to watch me graduate?” Heeseung narrows his eyes.

“Sunoo wants to watch you graduate.” Jake smiles. “Jungwon just shows up wherever Sunoo tells him to.”

“Have you heard anything more about those two?” Heeseung asks, spreading some cheese on a cracker.

“Jungwon’s keeping it to himself.” Jake shakes his head. He makes a cupping motion with his hands for Heeseung to drop a grape into.

Heeseung smirks. “Let me feed it to you.” Heeseung says softly.

“Seriously?” Jake rolls his eyes. “There’s enough cheese here without you adding to it”

“Let me be cheesy.” Heeseung huffs.

Jake lifts his hands in surrender and opens his mouth. Heeseung inches closer—leaning over him—and feeds him a grape. The positioning is awkward, but it still feels tender in a way Jake hasn’t expected. Jake grabs Heeseung’s wrist not letting him pull away. They stare at each other for a few seconds and then Heeseung leans in pressing a soft kiss to Jake’s lips. It’s only a few seconds but Jake’s entire body relaxes. He’s missed Heeseung the last few days.

Heeseung pulls away, eyes shining. “You’re pretty.” Heeseung rubs his thumb along Jake’s jaw. “I’m so lucky.” Heeseung whispers.

Jake can feel his cheeks warm. “I’m the lucky one.” Jake mumbles.

Heeseung shakes his head. He doesn’t move from his spot hovering over Jake. Jake isn’t sure how long they sit like that, just staring at each other. Eventually, they adjust so Jake is leaning against the tree and Heeseung is in between his legs. It’s a reverse of their usual couch position, but it works so they can both keep eating.

It’s these spontaneous moments in each other’s presence that Jake will miss the most. But he knows if he dwells on it too much, he will just end up getting moody again. Instead, Jake tries to capture every detail of the way he feels holding Heeseung as Heeseung chats about the new game he just bought.

“It’s hot as fuck.” Sunghoon waives a program like a fan. “Why is it so hot?” A bead of sweat rolls down from his hairline.

“Cause you’re so hot.” Jay says.

He’s met with absolute silence. Jungwon stares blankly while Sunoo covers his mouth with his hand. Ni-ki looks away pretending not to be associated with them. Jake and Sunghoon just roll their eyes at each other.

“That was truly awful.” Jake says, shaking his head.

Jay shrugs.

“It is really hot though.” Sunoo pouts. Jungwon glances up at the sun and then at the chairs around them. When he can’t seem to find anything to shield the sun, he starts folding his program. He also grabs Jake’s.

“Hey!” Jake says. “Give it back—I need at least one copy to preserve record of Heeseung graduating.” Jungwon stares at the program and shrugs. He starts folding it the same as the previous one. Then, he begins waiving the fans for Sunoo.

Jake rolls his eyes. Ni-ki hands him a program. “Here, you can have mine.”

“Are Heeseung’s parents here?” Jay asks looking around.

“Yeah, his brother and mom are over there.” Jake says pointing to the section of seats a bit closer to the stage. “I’m going to get dinner with him and his family after.”

“And we’re still down for the surprise gaming tournament in the frat living room?” Sunghoon asks.

“Yeah, Ni-ki is going to help set it up.” Jake nods at Ni-ki. “Beomgyu, Soobin, Yunjin, Ryujin, Taki, Harua, and Lily are all coming.” It didn’t take much convincing. The harder part had been keeping it a surprise from Heeseung.

“We also managed to track down Jeongin.” The others look at him blankly. “He games with Heeseung and I sometimes, but we haven’t hung out in person yet.” Ni-ki adds.

“What if Heeseung doesn’t want to come back to the frat after dinner?” Jay asks.

“You mean turning down a sleepover with Jake?” Jungwon scoffs. “I very much doubt he would ever turn down the opportunity.”

Jake blushes. But it’s true. Even though they sleep in separate beds with the door open, Heeseung is always grateful when Jake invites him to stay the night.

“What if-“ Sunghoon’s voice gets cut off by the University President’s opening speech. It’s a long ceremony. By the time the sixth speech starts, Jake can tell he’s losing focus. And he’s not the only one. He nudges Ni-ki with his elbow to wake him up.

The ceremony only seems to crawl from there. But eventually, they begin to call the graduates names so that they can walk across the stage. Jake spots Heeseung in line. He’s shifting his weight from one foot to another, playing with the edge of his robe. Jake pulls the posters out from under his seat. When you hold the posters up together, it should say Congratulations, Heeseung! Jake looks at them to make sure he gets them in the right order.

He hands the Con sign to Sunoo and the gratu sign to Jungwon. He keeps the lat sign for himself and hands the ions, sign to Ni-ki, the Hee sign to Sunghoon, and the seung! sign to Jay.

When Heeseung’s name is called, the six of them cheer loudly and raise their signs about their heads. Heeseung looks in their direction, blushing. But then he seems to ground himself and he blows a kiss directly to Jake. Jake pretends to catch it and put in his pocket. He hears Sunghoon and Ni-ki both making fake gagging sounds to each other but he doesn’t care.

When they sit back down, he notices that Hoon and Ni-ki had switched signs. So Heeseung saw, CongratulatHee ions,seung! instead of Congratulations, Heeseung!. Still, Jake considers their mission a success.

“I can’t believe you managed to get Jeongin to come.” Heeseung says, climbing into Jay’s bed.

Jake smiles. “That was all Ni-ki honestly.” He puts on a loose t-shirt before moving toward his own bed. “I’m happy he showed up though.”

“Me too.” Heeseeug says. “Honestly, you really outdid yourself with this surprise, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says gently. “It was the perfect way to celebrate the end of my college experience.”

Jake nods. “I’m glad.” He gestures to the room. “And I’m glad you get spend the night here.”

Heeseung frowns at Jake. “Why are you talking like I’m leaving tomorrow?”

“Am I?” Jake bites his thumb nail. “I don’t mean to be…” Jake trails off. “I think it just set in today that you’re really done with school.”

Heeseung smiles. “So, you’re missing me before I’m even gone?”

Jake rolls his eyes. “Something like that.” Jake thinks about the meeting that he has on Monday. He still hasn’t told anyone, including Heeseung, about it. But something about the darkness of the room makes him feel brave.

“I made an appointment for Monday.” Jake says, holding his breath.

Heeseung is quiet for a second. “An appointment?” He asks.

“With a psychologist.” Jake whispers. “I tried going on campus, but I chickened out…so I looked up different places off-campus.”

“And you made an appointment at one?” Heeseung asks, voice completely neutral.

“Yeah. She specializes in helping people deal with…well you know.” Jake says.

“How do you feel about it?” Heeseung asks.

“Nervous.” Jake says, honestly. “And a bit reluctant.”

“That’s valid.” Heeseung says. “I had no idea you were even considering it.” Heeseung pauses. “But I’m really proud of you, Jaeyun.”

“Even if I chicken out again and don’t go?” Jake asks, biting his lip.

“I’m proud of you for even considering going.” Heeseung says. “That’s a huge step and you did it all on your own.”

Jake nods. “Can you pick me up afterwards?”

“Of course.” Heeseung says and Jake can hear the smile in his voice. They don’t say anything further—they don’t need to. The exhaustion hits Jake all at once, so when he rolls on his side, he falls asleep nearly immediately.

“I’m not really sure where to start…” Jake says picking at the edge of the chair he’s sitting in.

“That’s okay. You can just tell me about your day if you want.” His therapist, Jacquie, says.

“Really?” Jake asks. “But shouldn’t I be diving into the bad stuff so I can fix it?” Jake looks at her.

She shakes her head. “It doesn’t work like that.” She pauses. “I wouldn’t focus on the end result of therapy. It can take years of sessions. Sometimes you may feel like you are making progress and other times you might feel like you took ten steps back.”

“So, it won’t even fix me?” Jake frowns.

“You keep saying the word fix. What do you mean by ‘fix’?” Jacquie asks.

“I have intimacy issues.” Jake huffs out, uncomfortable. “And trust issues.”

“Okay.” She nods. “I don’t know if I would look at therapy as a ‘fix’. Instead, I would say that we will go through different coping mechanisms and thought exercises that you can use when things get too overwhelming.” She looks at him to make sure he’s still following. “It’s also a place where you can talk about your day or your feelings.”

“Will I be able to learn how to sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend?” Jake asks. “That’s one of the things I really wish I could do.”

“And why do you wish you could do that?” She asks.

“I mean it’s what couples do, right? They share a bed together.” Jake shrugs.

“Not all couples, no.” Jacquie shakes her head. “Plenty of couples can’t share a bed together. Some people snore really loudly. Others move around in their sleep. There are plenty of reasons a couple might not be able to share a bed with each other.”

Jake considers that. He hadn’t really thought of other reasons that people might not share a bed. It makes sense that some people wouldn’t be able to share a bed due to their partners’ sleeping habits.

“But it doesn’t seem fair to him.” Jake says, quietly. “I feel like I should be able to sleep in his bed.”

“Has he ever expressed unhappiness with you regarding your sleeping arrangements?” She asks neutrally.

Jake shakes his head immediately. “No. Heeseung is great. He never pushes me when I set a boundary.” Jake breathes. “He’s the reason I decided to go to therapy.”

“How so?” Jacquie asks.

“I hate the idea of talking about this stuff…” Jake trails off. “But I don’t want my past to interfere with my future. Or my relationship with Heeseung.” Jake sighs. “I told him about what happened to me and it was hard.” Jake twists his hands. “But I want to keep moving forward.”

“How long have you two been dating?” She asks.

“About eight months?” Jake says.

“And what do you like about your relationship with him?” Jacquie asks.

“Everything.” Jake shrugs. “I don’t know.” He looks out the window. “It’s awkward to be cheesy with someone I don’t know.”

She smiles and nods.

“Okay, let’s try this. Tell me three things you like about your relationship with Heeseung.”

Jake thinks about it for a second. “His patience.” Jake lifts one finger up. “His respect for me.” Jake holds another finger up. “He makes me feel safe.” Jake lifts the third finger. He can feel the heat in his cheeks.

“What do you mean by patience?” She asks neutrally.

“He never pushes when I set a boundary or tell him I can’t do something.” Jake nods. “He accepts it and never makes me feel bad for it.”

“And what about his respect?” She asks.

“He listens to me. When we talk to each other, he seems to genuinely take an interest in what I have to say.” Jake nods.

“And what did you mean when you said he makes you feel safe.” She asks.

“I don’t know how to describe it.” Jake says. “It’s just a feeling I get when I’m with him. It’s why I felt comfortable telling him about my past. And why I have been able to do things I never thought I would be able to do again.”

“Like what?” She asks.

Jake blushes. “Like physical things.” Jake shrugs.

She nods. “It sounds like you two have a good relationship then.”

Jake smiles. “Yeah.”

“So instead of thinking about how therapy can help your relationship with Heeseung, maybe we can start with focusing on how therapy can help you.”

Jake scratches the back of his head. “Okay.”

Jake gets in Heeseung’s car. Therapy hadn’t been what he had been expecting. He thought they would dive right into his trauma. Instead, their conversation sort of meandered and all of a sudden, an hour had gone by. It was a bit jarring, but he thinks he likes Jacquie.

“Do you want me to drop you off at the frat house? Or do you want to come back to my place?” Heeseung asks, car still parked.

“Maybe, your place?” Jake says. “I could be down for a movie.”

Heeseung nods. “A rom com? Or something else?” Heeseung asks, putting his car in drive.

“Let’s do a rom com.” Jake smiles, taking Heeseung’s free hand and giving it a squeeze. Heeseung squeezes back, and Jake surrounds himself with the feeling that he’s safe here in the car the with Heeseung.

Chapter Text

Heeseung: Finally home. Traffic was awful today

Jaeyun: So I am guessing living near your mom is definitely out of the question if you get this job full time?

Heeseung: Definitely. This commute sucks honestly. Google maps is a liar. I’ve never had it take less than an hour.

Jaeyun: Is there a way for you to start apartment hunting now?

Heeseung: Isn’t that premature? I don’t even know if I will be offered a full-time position?

Jaeyun: Looking doesn’t mean signing a contract. Maybe float it by your coworkers and see their reaction?

Heeseung: what do you mean?

Jaeyun: Say something about how you are thinking of shortening your commute but you want recommendations for a good area near work.

Jaeyun: If their reaction is positive, then I think you shouldn’t worry too much about an offer.

Heeseung: What if their reaction isn’t positive?

Jaeyun: We can cross that bridge when we get there.

Heeseung: ugh.

Heeseung: How was your day?

Jaeyun: It was fine. Tomorrow is my light day because it’s just all my discussion sections for my three summer classes.

Heeseung: It’s only been two weeks and I miss you. :(

Jake: You just saw me last night when we were on video chat.

Heeseung: Not the same.

Jaeyun: Sigh. I know. But we are going to have to get used to it.

Heeseung: I know. :(

Jaeyun: Let’s look forward to when we see each other next.

Heeseung: The fishing trip? That’s so far away!

Jaeyun: It’s two more weeks! Besides, I just finalized the details for the cabin rental.

Heeseung: What’s the plan?

Jaeyun: I’ll drive to your mom’s after my class on June 14 and then we can head out together in your car when your back from work.

Heeseung: And you confirmed with the rental property that the cabin bedroom doors lock?

Jaeyun: Yep! He even sent me a video of the cabin to prove it.

Heeseung: Okay, but if we get there and you don’t like it, I can always drive you back to campus.

Jaeyun: I know that. But I think this will be a good first step. And I LOVE fishing.

Heeseung: LOL. I know darling.

Jaeyun: Ni-ki keeps sulking that he can’t come.

Heeseung: Did you tell him it’s supposed to be a romantic trip?

Jaeyun: I did lol. He said that we are being boring.

Heeseung: You should check your car before you leave to make sure he isn’t hiding in your trunk.

Jaeyun: Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past him.

Heeseung flops on his bed with a groan. It’s only Tuesday. He is really starting to hate his commute. At this rate, he should have just stayed near campus. He reaches for his phone and hits Jaeyun’s number.

“Hi.” Jaeyun says and then without preamble he says, “my ass is sore.”

Heeseung bites down on a laugh. “I thought you said that Sunoo flaked on the cycling class?”

“No. I mean yes. But what?” Jake whines. “My ass isn’t sore because of cycling.”

Heeseung frowns. “Did you fall?”

“No.” Jaeyun says, sighing. “Can you just ask me why my ass is sore?”

Heeseung blinks, but complies with the request. “Why is your ass sore?”

“Because I’ve been preparing.” Jaeyun says softly. “For our fishing trip.”

Heeseung would describe himself as a fairly intelligent person, but somehow none of his braincells are working tonight because he stupidly says, “do you really need to practice sitting for that long? I think you should be okay even if you need to stand while we fish.”

Heeseung hears Jaeyun’s palm smack his forehead. “Are you trying to be dense? Or are you really not picking this up?”

Heeseung frowns. He’s not trying to be dense. He plays the conversation again in his head. There is an obvious interpretation, but Heeseung doesn’t think Jaeyun would be talking about that.

After the first time Jaeyun had given him a blow job, the two had tried it the other way around, but that had not been enjoyable for either of them. For Jaeyun, it caused him way too much panic. For Heeseung, it caused him too much guilt for being the repeated cause of Jaeyun’s panic. After their fourth attempt (the day before Heeseung left for his mom’s), they decided to take that particular act of intimacy off the table indefinitely. Jaeyun loved blowing Heeseung but he preferred getting off with Heeseung’s hands or using Heeseung’s thighs, so they agreed to stick to that.

Heeseung assumed that—given Jaeyun’s understandable aversion to being on the receiving end for blow jobs—if they decided to take the next step, he would be the one on the receiving end that as well. So, truly, the thought Jake would be preparing for anything like that hadn’t even crossed his mind.

“I’m confused.” Heeseung says, truthfully. “I’m not trying to be dense. I just didn’t realize that was even on the table for this trip?”

Jaeyun is quiet for a second. “But we talk about it all the time when we have phone sex.” Jaeyun says quietly. “And I tell you how much I want it.”

Heeseung blinks. “And I love when you tell me that. But I don’t want you to push yourself too fast Jaeyun.” Heeseung knows he has to tread carefully because he knows how upset Jaeyun was that he couldn’t overcome the last intimacy aversion he experienced. Heeseung doesn’t want to imply the same thing will happen, but he also doesn’t want Jaeyun to rush himself out of guilt. “That’s a really big step to take.”

“What more intermediary steps could we possibly take before I try this?” Jaeyun whines.

Heeseung sits up on his bed quickly. “Do you want a list?” He has so many things with Jaeyun that he wants to try. “Or is that rhetorical?”

“It’s rhetorical.” Jaeyun says flatly. “I just. I just really want to give it a shot.” His voice sounds desperate and thin. “I’ve gotten excited whenever I prepare myself. I think about it, and I really think it’s going to be good.” Jake pleads.

Heeseung feels weird being the resistant one. It’s Jaeyun’s body and Jaeyun’s decision. While there is evidence to suggest that this might not work out the way Jaeyun hopes, he wants Jaeyun to control their physical pace. So, he says, “you know I will follow your lead.” He smiles, looking down at the puppy pillow that Jaeyun gave as a graduation gift. “If you think you’re ready, then let’s try it.”

“Thank you.” Jaeyun sighs with relief. “Thank you, Heeseung.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says seriously. “I want this too. I just wanted to check in with you about how you were feeling, okay?”

“I know. And I love that about you.” Heeseung can hear the smile in Jaeyun’s voice.

“I love you too.” Heeseung says, softly. “But maybe give your ass a break a few days before the trip, yeah?” Heeseung smirks.

Jaeyun giggles. “I can do that.”

By the time they get to the cabin, it’s nearing 2 AM. Heeseung can barely keep his eyes open, and it doesn’t look like Jake is fairing much better. Still, Jake claps his hands together and says with as much enthusiasm as he can muster, “We’re here!”

Heeseung smiles, hitting the button for the trunk to open. Jake tried to pack light but his fishing supplies are taking up a lot space in Heeseung’s backseat. Heeseung grabs his bag from the trunk and then grabs the tacklebox from the back seat. “You don’t have to carry that!” Jake says from behind the car.

Heeseung walks back and takes Jake’s backpack. “I’m leaving all the heavy stuff with you.” Heeseung nods his head to the backseat and winks. And it’s true. Jake can handle the fishing rods and the bait cooler.

The cabin is directly on the lake, so all they have to do is walk out on the pier and start fishing. Heeseung had to steer Jake away from the idea of trying to fish tonight. If the last few weeks have taught him anything, it’s that Jake really loves fishing.

When they get inside, they take stock of the place. The cabin has two rooms, a small kitchen/dining area, a living room, and a screened in deck. It looks pretty identical to the pictures, so Heeseung is pleased. He brings his stuff to the master room and then drops them on the floor. Heeseung’s room has a queen bed, but Jake’s only has a double. Heeseung had tried to tell Jake they should draw straws or something, but Jake said Heeseung should have it since he’s taller. And also, because Heeseung spreads out like a starfish when he sleeps. Which...is true.

Heeseung goes into the master bathroom and immediately starts washing up for bed. He does a very quick face wash and then throws on his pajamas. When Heeseung makes his way back out to the kitchen, he's surprised to see Jaeyun sitting by the table. Sitting might be a generous term though. It looks like he’s asleep, resting his head on the table.

Heeseung doesn’t move any closer. Instead, he just calls Jaeyun’s name. Jaeyun snaps up, eyes bleary. Heeseung raises his arms. “I just got done washing up for bed. I think you likely fell asleep waiting out here.”

Jaeyun’s eyes are wide, but he’s not in a full panic. At least not yet. “Let me go get my phone from the bedroom and you can look at it, okay?”

Jaeyun nods shakily. Heeseung turns back to his room and grabs his phone off the bed. He makes his way back to Jaeyun, approaching slowly. Jaeyun takes the phone and opens Heeseung’s camera app. He nods to himself as he sees the last picture is of Sugar before they left for the trip.

“Sorry.” Jaeyun mumbles. “I probably should have gone to my room but I wanted to wait to say good night.”

Heeseung smiles. “Don’t apologize.” He doesn’t touch Jaeyun. Instead, he just takes his phone back and waives. “Sleep well, okay?”

Jaeyun nods, getting up. They both walk in the directions of their rooms, but they turn to face each other before going inside. It’s cute that they can see each other from their doors. Heeseung hopes they can have an apartment like this one day. One where they can say good night to each other from across the hallway.

Heeseung blows Jaeyun a kiss. Jaeyun rolls his eyes, but then pretends to catch it. He then moves his hand toward his heart. It’s such a tender gesture that Heeseung’s stomach feels like mush. They don’t say anything but they continue to look at each other for a few minutes. It's peaceful and Heeseung tries to burn the memory of Jaeyun standing against the door frame in his mind.

Finally, Jaeyun breaks the silence. “I’m going to go to bed before I fall asleep standing up.”

Heeseung nods, waiving again. Jaeyun shuts his door and Heeseung can hear the click of a lock. Heeseung has had sleepovers with Jaeyun before, but something about this…it feels domestic. And Heeseung could get used to the feeling.

Heeseung wakes up to the sound of excited knocking on his door. He groans. Since work has started, he has had to learn how to get up before noon. But on the weekends, he still likes to sleep in. Though he was aware that he would have to get up a bit earlier on this trip because there was no way Jaeyun would be able to resist fishing until noon.

Heeseung looks at his phone. 9:30 AM. He groans again.

“I know it’s early!” Jaeyun says from the other side of the door. “You don’t have to get up yet. I just wanted to let you know I was going to make some breakfast and then head down to the pier.”

Heeseung thinks about it. He decides that Jaeyun can handle himself for at least another hour, so he mutters, “mmkay. Going to sleep then.”

When Heeseung wakes up again, it’s 11:30. He feels a bit bad, but honestly, he needed the sleep. He sits up stretching, before going to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth and puts on a pair of swim trunks and a t-shirt. Then, he grabs his baseball cap from the top of the dresser and walks out to the kitchen. Sure enough, there is a cup of coffee and a plate of breakfast waiting for him. He’s sure both are pretty cold at this point, but still, it’s a sweet gesture.

He heats up the food first and checks his phone. He has a couple texts from Jaeyun.

Jaeyun: The fish are hiding from me :(

Jaeyun: I’m going to let you sleep until noon, but I’m waking your ass up after that.

The last text is a selfie of Jaeyun pouting. He is wearing an adorable bright blue fishing hat. Heeseung sets down his phone and inhales his food so he can hurry down to the pier.

When he gets outside, he sees Jaeyun at the edge of the pier, on his knees, looking at the water. As Heeseung gets closer he can hear Jaeyun whispering, “I know you are in there. Please don’t hide the whole weekend.”

Heeseung bites on his lip to prevent a cooing sound that is desperately trying to escape. “No luck yet?” He asks, startling Jaeyun.

“Shit, you scared me.” Jaeyun says breathing hard. He stands up and gives Heeseung’s outfit a onceover. “You look cute.” He smiles.

Jaeyun is wearing a white long-sleeve fishing shirt and blue board shorts to match his blue hat. “Pretty sure that’s you.” Heeseung points at him.

Jaeyun shakes his head. “Nope.” Then he points at the water. “They are hiding from me.”

“Very rude.” Heeseung says, trying not to laugh. “Should I give them a talking to or did you already cover that?” Heeseung winks.

Jaeyun blushes and rolls his eyes. “Sometimes it helps to talk to them.” He crosses his arms. “They have to understand you are there to be a friend.”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to cook the fish if we catch any big enough?” Heeseung asks.

Jaeyun puts his finger up to his mouth and says, “Shhhhhh.” He looks around. “They might hear you.”

Heeseung shakes his head, smiling. “Sorry.” He whispers. “I meant to say you would never dream of cooking the fish we catch.”

Jaeyun nods and then hands Heeseung a rod. Heeseung looks at the bait cooler and then back at Jaeyun, eyes pleading. “You want me to hook your bait, don’t you?” Jaeyun laughs.

“Worms are gross.” Heeseung nods.

“You’ve touched things with slick before.” Jaeyun laughs grabbing the rod back from Heeseung.

“Please don’t make a dick joke when I’m grossed out.” Heeseung shivers. “I don’t want to associate your dick with worms.”

Jaeyun laughs, holding one hand in surrender while he reaches for the bait cooler. Heeseung looks away as Jaeyun hooks the worm. Soon enough, Jaeyun is handing the rod back to him. Heeseung steps to the other edge of the pier so his line doesn’t cross with Jaeyun’s. Then, Heeseung prepares to cast. He releases the wheel as he throws the rod forward, but it’s not particularly graceful. Still, at least the bobber lands in the water.

And, after maybe a minute, Heeseung’s bobber starts to dip. Heeseung looks to Jaeyun, helplessly. Jaeyun looks out at the bobber and then starts jumping up and down. “You got one!”

Heeseung starts reeling it in, but the fish is fighting back hard. Heeeseung puts more muscle into it, but he’s a bit afraid the line is going to snap. Jaeyun grabs the line and starts pulling it with his hands and Heeseung drops the rod in favor of holding onto Jaeyun so he doesn’t fall in. After a bit of a struggle, the two pull in a very large fish. “A bass!” Jaeyun shouts, excitedly. “Let me get my measuring tape!” He says, handing the line with the wiggling fish to Heeseung.

Heeseung takes it and is surprised at how strong the fish still is out of water.

Jaeyun runs over to his tacklebox and then comes back taking the line from Heeseung. “I think he is well over 12 inches, but since there is a keeping limit, we should check to make sure.”

Heeseung blinks. “Keeping limit?”

Jaeyun nods, putting pressure on the fish to keep it still as he measures. “For bass here, state rules allow fishers to keep 5 bass a day, but the bass has to be at least 12 inches.”

“Oh, right.” Heeseung nods. He looks down at the tape measure and sees the fish is 23 inches. “Wow. He’s really big.” Heeseung says.

“Probably close to seven and half pounds.” Jaeyun agrees. Jaeyun then starts looking at the fish’s eyes and gills.

“What are you doing?” Heeseung asks, taking a step back. Heeseung is realizing that his uncle did most of the stuff after they caught fish when he was little. He really only participated in the casting and reeling.

“Checking to make sure his coloring is okay for eating.” Jaeyun says. “Want to make sure his eyes are clear and his gills are red.” Jaeyun inspects the fish for another second and then pulls on a rope tied to the pier. He pulls up a mesh basket thing and plops the fish in there, checking to make sure it’s sealed properly.

Heeseung looks at Jaeyun and then says, “I hope you know that I can’t be anywhere near you when you kill and cook that.” He shakes his head. “I won’t be able to eat it if I help.”

Jaeyun laughs. “I will spare you when it’s time for that.”

And he does spare Heeseung.

Jaeyun ends up catching another bass and a trout. Apparently, Trout have become rare, especially this late in the summer, so Jaeyun had been pretty excited about his luck. Unfortunately, the Trout was eleven inches, which meant they couldn’t keep it.

Still, Jaeyun is currently grilling two bass fish while Heeseung plays on his switch on the screened-in deck. Again, Heeseung is hit with that domestic feeling he had last night. It isn’t like Jaeyun hasn’t cooked for Heeseung. In fact, Jaeyun cooks for Heeseung all the time. But there’s something so nice about spending the whole day fishing together and then letting Jaeyun cook the fish they caught. He doesn’t have a word for it. So, he pulls out his phone and texts Sunoo.

Heeseung: I think the cabin air is doing something to me.

Sunoo: ????

Heeseung: I feel so domestic? Idk. I just keep thinking that if this is what living with Jaeyun would be like then…I really like it.

Sunoo: You’re so in love that it’s honestly gross.

Sunoo: But I’m happy for you.

Heeseung: It’s a little scary actually.

Sunoo: How so?

Heeseung: He means so much to me. I just… I desperately want us to last.

Sunoo: Has something made you feel like you won’t?

Heeseung: No. Nothing. But we’ve only been dating 9 months, so it’s not like I can call it and say he’s the one.

Sunoo: Why not?

Heeseung: You’re kidding?

Heeseung: Even if I was crazy enough to propose after nine months. I can’t afford a ring and also this is a terrible time to get married.

Sunoo: Whoa. Slow down. I’m not saying you should propose.

Sunoo: I’m just saying, if you think that proposing is a when and not an if then at least be honest with yourself.

Heeseung: Honest how?

Sunoo: It sounds like this trip made you realize Jaeyun is the one. There’s no harm in admitting it even if you know you don’t want to do anything about it for a long while.

Heeseung considers that. Maybe, Sunoo has a point. Admitting to himself that he thinks Jaeyun is the one doesn’t need to mean anything more than that. And that is what he is feeling. It’s what he felt last night and again this evening.

There’s a rightness he feels with Jaeyun that he’s never encountered before. Heeseung knows they have a lot to overcome in the next year while they try to make long distance work, but he is willing to fight to keep this feeling. And he’s pretty sure he’s not alone.

Heeseung: You’re smarter than you look.

Sunoo: Why did you make Sunoo pout?

Sunoo: Ignore Jungwon. He is an overprotective kitten.

Sunoo: But also, you’re a dick :P

Heeseung: I would typically make a joke, but honestly Jungwon scares me.

Sunoo: Good.

Sunoo: ^ Jungwon. But also, it’s probably for the best you feel that way.

“Heeseung, can you grab plates and come help me bring the fish in!” Jaeyun yells from somewhere outside. Heeseung smiles and then shoots a quick text.

Heeseung: Gotta go be domestic. Sorry!

Sunoo: Whipped. But also cute.

Unsurprisingly, the fish is delicious. Jaeyun cooked them well. Apparently, Jaeyun had gone on a grocery run this morning because he had bought rice and kimchi to go with the fish as well.

After eating, Heeseung does the dishes as Jaeyun lounges on the couch. “You can pick a movie if you want?” Heeseung says to Jaeyun who is scrolling through the tv aimlessly.

“I have something else in mind.” Jaeyun smirks at him.

Heeseung raises his eyebrows. “Right after eating?” He winces. “Could we maybe watch something for a half hour to give me time digest my food?”

Jaeyun laughs. “Probably a good idea. I was thinking of showing right now so I could clean up.”

Heeseung nods. “Let me know when you’re out and I’ll hop in after?”

After they are both clean, Jaeyun texts Heeseung to meet Jaeyun in his room. Heeseung walks across the hall. He had debated whether he should wear a t-shirt or just go shirtless, but he decided t-shirt felt better. When he gets to the room, he opens the door and Jaeyun is sitting on edge of the bed wearing black mesh shorts and adidas socks.

“I thought about wearing something sexier, but…” Jaeyun bites his thumb nervously. “Baby steps.”

Heeseung looks at Jaeyun. The moonlight coming in through the cabin window is hitting Jaeyun's exposed torso. His brown hair is glistening, still wet from the shower. And Heeseung means it entirely when he says, “you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

Jaeyun blushes. “You’re biased.” He says quietly.

“So.” Heeseung moves closer. “It’s still true.”

Jaeyun looks up at Heeseung. His puppy eyes so full of trust. “I want you.” Jaeyun says, voice barely more than a whisper. Heeseung nods, indicating for Jaeyun to scooch back on the bed. Once he does, Heeseung gets on the bed, leaning over him.

He kisses Jaeyun softly on the lips. Then he kisses him on the forehead. He smothers Jaeyun’s entire face with kisses until there isn’t an inch left untouched. The whole time Jaeyun’s hands are rubbing Heeseung’s lower back underneath his shirt.

Heeseung kneels back for a second, ripping off his shirt, and then he moves back to kiss Jaeyun’s collarbone. He licks a strip across and then nuzzles his face into Jaeyun’s neck. Jaeyun moans softly, so Heeseung stays there and starts sucking on his skin.

Jaeyun motions with his hands to his shorts. “Off.”

Heeseung blinks.

They usually take their time making out, so the request surprises him. “You sure, darling? Cause I’m just getting started up here.” Heeseung emphasizes his words with a tweak to Jaeyun’s nipple.

“Yes. I was prepping myself in the shower.” Jaeyun breathes. “Need you.” Jaeyun thrusts his hips up. “Now.”

Heeseung chuckles. “Okay, Okay.”

He removes Jaeyun’s shorts and boxers and then his own. Then, he sees the lube on the dresser, so he grabs that and then hovers over Jaeyun again. He rubs both of their dicks with lube before grinding against Jaeyun roughly.

“Fuck.” Heeseung says. “Fuck, you feel good.”

Jaeyun groans. “More. Faster.” Heeseung nods, increasing the pace of his thrusts. He moves his mouth to Jaeyun’s nipples, slowly licking both before taking the left one into his mouth. Jaeyun gasps, so Heeseung sucks harder.

“Hee-Heeseung. I need you.” He moans. “Please touch me.”

Heeseung stops thrusting. Alarm bells are ringing in his head. But, he knows Jaeyun is keyed up, so he doesn’t want to call out he pace again. Instead, he kneels back applying a liberal amount of lube to his finger and then asks, “Do you want to be on your stomach or your back?”

“Back.” Jaeyun says without hesitation. Heeseung nods, reaching to grab a pillow. He places it under Jaeyun’s hips. Then, Jaeyun spreads his legs so his hole is exposed to Heeseung. Heeseung uses his lubed finger and starts moving it around Jaeyun’s hole. He doesn’t want to press it in just yet. He wants to worship Jaeyun.

“Okay?” Heeseung asks.

Jaeyun nods, but it’s stiff. Heeseung is about to say something but Jaeyun says, “Don’t worry. I’m good. You can put a finger in.”

Heeseung wants to say that Jaeyun doesn’t look like he’s telling the truth, but he fears that won’t be received well. Still, Jaeyun’s entire body is extremely tight and Heeseung isn’t sure he can even get a finger inside with Jaeyun this tense.

“Try to relax for me, baby.” Heeseung whispers. “I want to make you feel good.”

Jaeyun nods. Heeseung applies more lube to his finger and then tries to insert it. But Jaeyun starts clenching even tighter.

“Darling…” Heeseung starts, pulling his finger away.

“I’m green.” Jaeyun says, eyes watering.

“Please. I can do this.” His voice is desperate, as the tears start to roll down his cheeks. “I’m green.”

It breaks Heeseung a bit, but he shakes his head. “You’re not good, Jaeyun. You’re shaking.” He points at Jaeyun’s trembling body. Jaeyun starts crying harder at that.

“I’m green, please.” Jaeyun sobs. “I worked so hard.” He clenches the comforter in frustration. “I wanted to do this so much.”

“I know.” Heeseung says. And he does. He can see how desperately Jaeyun wants this. “I know you did.” He looks at Jaeyun and asks, “do you want me to give you space or do you want me to hug you?”

Jaeyun whimpers and motions for Heeseung to hug him. Heeseung wastes no time crawling up he bed. He pulls the sheets back so he can sit against the bed with Jaeyun hugging his side. Jaeyun lets him move the sheets out from under him.

Once they are tucked back in under the sheets, Jaeyun wraps his arms around Heeseung’s side and cries harder. “I’m so upset with myself.” He says through his choked sobs.

“I wish you wouldn’t be.” Heeseung says honestly. “But I know you can’t control it.”

Jaeyun keeps crying. “I don’t get it. The idea of you fucking me makes me so hard.” He says raggedly through his sobs. “But then as soon as you started touching my ass, my whole body froze.”

Heeseung pets Jaeyun’s hair. “It was a really big step, Jaeyun. I’m proud of you for trying it.”

“I’m not proud of me.” Jaeyun shakes his head.

Heeseung bites his lip. As much as it hurts to hear, Heeseung is glad Jaeyun is being honest about how he feels. It does no good to repress it. “I know you aren’t.” Heeseung says simply. “You can disagree with me, but it doesn’t change how I feel about how brave you were tonight.”

Jaeyun whimpers. “I don’t want to take anal sex off the table indefinitely.”

Heeseung looks down at him, shocked. “Who said we are doing that?”

“We took me getting blow jobs off the table.” Jaeyun says, hiccupping.

“That’s because we tried it four times and it never got better for you.” Heeseung says. “Also, you suggested we stop trying. But we can put it back on the table if you want.”

“I don’t want to.” Jaeyun shivers. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to handle those honestly.”

“Okay.” Heeseung agrees. “But I don’t think we should take anal sex off the table either.” Heeseung rubs Jaeyun’s shoulder. “Firstly, because we haven’t tried it the other way around.” Heeseung motions between him and Jaeyun. “And secondly, because I think next time we need to build to this better.”

Jaeyun looks up at him, eyes still full of unshed tears. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I think we skipped out on a lot of foreplay tonight.” Heeseung admits. “And I think that helps us both relax honestly.”

“I agree.” Jaeyun nods. “I rushed us.” He says, voice frustrated.

“I consented to going quick, so don’t get mad at yourself for that.” Heeseung says firmly.

“We tried something new, but I think we both prefer it when we take our time.” He pauses. “I think for now, if we want to try anal sex, then I’ll bottom.” Jaeyun looks like he’s ready to argue, so Heeseung sticks his index finger up. “I think we can also practice building up to it for you.”

“You mean like fingering?” Jaeyun asks.

“And me rimming you.” Heeseung nods. “This isn’t a race, Jaeyun. We have time to do all things with each other.”

Jaeyun sighs. “I know.” Heeseung rubs his shoulder and the two of them sit there in silence for a few minutes.

Then, Jaeyun lets out a loud groan. “I’m going to have to talk about this in therapy, aren’t I?”

Heeseung chuckles. “That’s up to you.”

Jaeyun nuzzles into Heeseung’s side further. “Can you just hold me for another ten minutes before you go back to your room?”

Heeseung smiles. “If you think I’m leaving while snot is still dripping out of your nose, you’re mistaken.” Heeseung wipes his thumb over the top of Jaeyun’s lip.

“Gross.” Jaeyun whines. “I probably look so unattractive like this.”

“You never look unattractive, Jaeyun.” Heeseung says seriously. “I love you, always.”

Jaeyun smiles. “I love you, too.”

Jaeyun: We did in fact talk about it in therapy.

Heeseung: Oh?

Jaeyun: She said it was a good sign that I was able to vocalize some of my thoughts during my panic this time. So, I guess progress?

Jaeyun: It was actually kind of groundbreaking…I think a lot of my issues are tied to me judging myself.

Heeseung: How so? If you don’t mind sharing.

Jaeyun; Well, it’s kind of everything. But I think it stems from the initial fact that I judged myself for putting myself in harm’s way…which is kind of absurd because I would never judge any of my friends if it were them.

Jaeyun: Idk. I think I need to unpack it more. But it was helpful during therapy when she asked me to switch our positions in the relationship. Imagine that you went through all this and not me.

Jaeyun: I would be pissed if you said the things to yourself that I say to myself.

Heeseung: I can’t be mad at you for how you feel…But I don’t agree with how hard you are on yourself.

Jaeyun: I am starting to get that.

Jaeyun: Baby steps.

Chapter Text

“You’re seriously not coming to the lake for the Fourth of July?” Sunghoon asks bouncing a ball against the bedroom wall. They are in Jake’s room. Sunghoon is on Jay’s bed and Jay is at his desk.

“I just went to a lake last month.” Jake shrugs. “Besides, I need to stay here to catch up on my summer school work.”

“You’re turning down fishing?” Sunghoon asks, skeptically. “You?”

Jake cringes. He wishes he could go with them, but he knows how behind he is on his summer coursework… and the lab will finally be empty when everyone is gone for the holiday. If he hadn’t just gone fishing with Heeseung, he probably wouldn’t be able to resist this trip though.

“Is Heeseung at least coming up here for the holiday?” Jay asks, feigning indifference. But Jake can read the concern behind his words.

Jake pouts. “Unfortunately, not. His coworkers are helping him apartment hunt over the holiday.”

“That’s a good sign, right?” Jay asks. “It means they think he will get the job.”

Jake nods. “I think so.” He told Heeseung the same thing, but he knows Heeseung doesn’t want to get his hopes up. “I can see your gears turning, Jay.” Jake laughs at Jay’s constipated expression. “Jungwon and Ni-ki might be going with you, but Sunoo will still be here.”

Jay nods. “I know.”

Jake rolls his eyes. “I’m a big boy. I can handle a couple days here without you all.”

Jay crosses his arms. “I didn’t say you couldn’t.”

“You definitely did.” Sunghoon says from the bed. “Like two hours ago. You said ‘gee, I am worried Jake won’t be able to handle being here without us all.’”

Jake laughs as Jay glares. “When have I ever said the word gee?” Jay asks.

Jake waives his hand. “I appreciate the concern. But I will be fine. I’m just going to be working at the lab mostly.”

“Fine.” Jay huffs. “But if you need us to come back early, just let us know.”

Jake stretches his back. He’s been sitting for too long.

His discussion sections were empty today. But he had expected that. No one was coming to campus for Friday classes on the day after the Fourth of July. It had just been him, his TA and a couple other students.

Also like he had expected, the labs had been completely free all day, so he had been able to spend the whole afternoon here getting work done.

Jake looks at the clock on his phone. 3 AM. Shit. He hadn’t even realized he had been here for twelve hours. He could have sworn it was only 10 PM.

He sees he also has missed a text from Heeseung.

Heeseung: You make it home okay?

Jake: Surprisingly, still at the lab. I know you are probably asleep, but I’ll still text you when I get home.

Jake doesn’t expect an answer. Even though it’s a Friday night, Heeseung is usually exhausted after a whole week of work. He probably fell asleep around midnight after he sent the text.

Jake starts packing up his things. He won’t even have to come to the lab tomorrow given how much progress he made today.

With one last look around to make sure he has all of his stuff, he heads out the door. It’s been a while since he’s walked around campus this late at night. He pulls out his phone and hits record and then he slides it back in his pocket. He doesn’t actually think anything will happen, but it gives him a sense of security as he walks back in the dark.

The first few minutes of his walk are peaceful. He thinks about Heeseung apartment hunting this weekend. He hopes that he can find a place soon because he knows how sick Heeseung is of the commute. Jake is pretty confident that Heeseung already has the job, but he might be biased. Still, the summer is moving at a quick pace and soon enough, Jake will be starting his senior year.

As Jaeyun passes the architecture building, he hears footsteps behind him. But they aren’t quick. It doesn’t sound like the person is approaching him. So, Jaeyun tries to calm himself. It’s probably just another student walking home from studying.

He keeps walking. The street lights aren’t really providing too much coverage, but at least there’s some light.

As he continues, the footsteps don’t get any closer, but they also don’t retreat. For some reason, Jake can’t bring himself to turn around and look behind him. It’s like his head won’t move. He thinks about walking in the direction of the frat house, but he is a bit too keyed up. While he is sure Sunoo will be pissed off if he wakes him up at 3 AM, Jaeyun heads in the direction of Sunoo's apartment anyway. He’s too creeped out to go home.

The footsteps continue to follow him as he changes course. Jake tries to control his breathing. Just because he feels like someone is following him doesn’t mean someone actually is.