Work Text:
Dear Diary,
That's it. It's official. The Champion's finally gone insane. I don't care if he's done it a thousand times before- he should not be climbing up a sheer cliff in the middle of a thunderstorm!
Of course, this whole thing started in the first place because those two absolute children decided it was a travesty that Sky, with his nice, handy, well-rounded selection of items, is somehow the only one of us who doesn't have a boomerang.
Now, the fact that he's also the only one of us to have one of those flying beetle things more than makes up for it if you ask me, but try telling that to the sailor! You'd think it was the greatest weapon in his arsenal with the way he talks about throwing it at giant plant creatures and flying sea octoroks…
But anyhow, the point is, the sailor and the smithy decided it would be a good idea to teach Sky to use a boomerang, in case he ever needed one for something. They were throwing it every which way, when one of Sky's throws went a bit….awry. (And no, it totally wasn't my fault for suggesting it.)
Who knew bird boy had an arm like that?
Three Hours Earlier:
"Now, you want to make sure you throw it so the wind catches it and brings it back," said Wind.
Sky nodded congenially and adjusted the angle of the boomerang. "Like this?"
"Pretty close, yeah. Try it and see how it goes."
Sky threw the boomerang, and they watched as it soared through the air, looping around gracefully and arcing back towards them. He tensed momentarily as it drew near, unaccustomed to having to grab something flying towards his face rather than dodging or blocking it, but managed to catch it nimbly in his hand. Wind cheered! Sky grinned, and prepared to throw it again.
Warriors kept a loose eye on their goings-on while he checked over his armor, making sure it was up to standard. They do realize most of our boomerangs are enchanted to make them easier to throw, right?
He considered bringing it up, then shrugged it off. Ah, I wouldn't want to spoil their fun- Goddess knows we get little enough of that, some days.
By this time, Four had gotten in on it too, and he and Wind were taking turns letting Sky throw their boomerangs to see the differences between them. A few times, they almost came within striking distance of camp, making Legend squawk.
Warriors grinned. Any activity that got a rise outta the vet was fine by him.
"Hey, Sky!" he called. "See if you can hit that big hornet's nest in the tree over there!"
Sky spun around. "Over where?"
"There-" Warriors pointed- "Up in that big tree, you see it?"
Sky squinted. "Yeah, I see it… D'you really think I can hit that?"
Warriors smirked. "What, you saying you can't?"
Sky's eyes narrowed. "Oh, you're on." He turned around, eyes focusing in on the nest, raising his arm up to throw-
"HOLD ON A SECOND!" yelled Legend.
Startled, Sky's aim was thrown off as he hurled the boomerang forward with all his might, and he missed the hornet's nest. Instead, the boomerang went sailing high into the air, arcing up and over until it landed with a thunk, smack-dab in the middle of a crack in the face of a nearby cliff, at least a hundred feet up.
Sky winced. "Whoops."
Wind goggled at the sheer distance Sky had managed to throw the thing. "Duuuude! That was epic! You've got to do that again."
Sky scratched the back of his neck. "Eheh…glad you think so. Not what I was trying to hit, though." He gave Legend an irritated glance. "What were you yelling for, anyway?"
Legend grimaced. "I, uh– well…I didn't want you to hit the hornet's nest. Didn't wanna add 'dealing with a bunch of bee stings because my fellow heroes decided to be idiots' to my itinerary for the day, y'know?"
Sky made as if to protest, then paused, considering… maybe Legend had a point. "Fair enough." He frowned up at where the boomerang was stuck fast. "I don't suppose we have an easy way of getting it down?"
Four started forward. "Only one way to find out."
A couple minutes of walking later, they stood at the base of the cliff, gaping up at where the boomerang was lodged in the rock
Now that Warriors got a closer look, the height of the throw seemed to be closer to a hundred-fifty feet…just how strong was Sky, anyway?
"Sooo…" Wind said. "Anybody got any ideas?"
While the five heroes stared up at the cliff, searching the sides as if to find a selection of potential boomerang-retrieval strategies within the rock, Wild and Hyrule stumbled across them, carrying armfuls of mushrooms. Hyrule spoke first.
"Hey, guys! What's going on?"
Legend, Warriors, and Sky glanced at each other, then all three tried to speak at once.
"Well, I challenged-"
"I was just trying to-"
"Sky and Wind were-"
Four interrupted them. "Sky threw Wind's boomerang, and it got stuck in the cliff."
Wild and Hyrule peered up the stony wall. Wild spotted it first, and gave an appreciative whistle. "Nice going, Sky. You've got a strong arm."
"...Thanks."
"So!" Wild chirped. "You guys were saying you needed help getting the boomerang down, then?"
Warriors was hit with a sudden premonition of exactly what Wild was about to do, which was only compounded as the kid grabbed ahold of Legend and plopped his mushrooms into the startled hero's arms. "Champion, don't you dare–"
"Too late, captain! I'm already going, going, gooone!" Wild called, making a running leap at the wall and managing to propel himself eight feet off the ground by the time he finished his sentence, grasping onto something that only he seemed able to see. "Don't you worry, Wind! I'll get your boomerang back for you in a jiffy!"
Warriors could only gape as Wild somehow found handholds and began to climb what, to him, seemed like a sheer wall of rock. He opened his mouth to yell at Wild to come back, but was stopped by Hyrule laying a hand on his arm. "Don't. You could startle him, and then he really might fall."
Warriors grimaced. Hyrule was right. "Well, I suppose he's used to it," he grumbled. "Just as long as it doesn't start–"
Thunder crackled ominously in the distance, and the overcast clouds which had been vaguely hinting at the potential for precipitation throughout the day chose this moment to begin pouring down their bounty.
"-raining. Dammit!" He stiffened in concern, watching as Wild suddenly slipped several feet down the cliff face. Wild, unconcerned, continued his trek up the wall, climbing for just a few seconds, and then– oh, Hylia, was he leaping up the wall? In the rain?!
Wild slipped several times, scrabbling against the rock, but once he found purchase, he just kept on going. Once or twice, he apparently found a small ledge he could stand on, because he let go of the wall and just stood there for a few moments, panting.
Once he was about halfway to the boomerang, Twilight showed up.
"Oh, goddesses!" yelped Twilight. "How long has he been up there? Why is he up there?!"
"About twenty minutes. He's getting Wind's boomerang," Four replied.
"He's getting Wind's–how did Wind's boomerang get up there?!"
As Sky went on to explain what had happened, Warriors continued watching Wild's progress. Suddenly, Wild paused mid-climb right after one particularly long leap, visibly gasping as he reached into the pouch on his hip. What is he- Wait…is that a plate of mushrooms?!
Sure enough– hanging onto the side of the cliff for dear life with his left hand, Wild balanced a heaping plate of mushrooms in his right hand, brought it to his lips, and proceeded to absolutely stuff his face. Then, having finished off the mushrooms, he stuffed the plate in his mouth and, once again, leapt up the cliff like a gecko..
Wind and Hyrule cheered him on, seemingly not even caring about the incredible feat of strength, dexterity, daring, and…insanity they had just witnessed; Legend, on the other hand, groaned audibly and buried his face in his hands around the armful of Wild's mushrooms. "Why are we letting him do this, again?"
Warriors could only stare, mouth open in disbelief, as Wild leapt twice more and managed to stand on some small ledge that only he could see.
That's right- some of his food has magical properties to increase endurance or strength. Come to think of it…I'm pretty sure I saw him snacking on some sort of skewer in the middle of that fight against those crabs from the vet's Hyrule…Waaait. I could've sworn the crabs seemed especially agitated at Wild in particular…Was he eating crab meat that day?!
Warriors shook his head incredulously. It seemed wonders would never cease when it came to Wild's oddities. Thankfully, he was getting close to his goal, inching nearer to Wind's boomerang with every wild leap he made (pun intended).
Slowly, slowly, Wild crept his way along the rock. But suddenly, he paused, appearing to realize something. Finding his way to yet another ledge that was invisible to the distant Hylian eye, he contorted a bit as he reached for the cobble crusher on his back. Warriors tensed for a moment as Wild pulled it out, and the heavy weapon swung down from its holster in a clunky, uncoordinated manner that would have definitely thrown him off-balance if he was the one climbing, then relaxed as Wild carefully slid it into the same hip pouch he had pulled the plate of mushrooms from earlier.
I wonder how he manages to keep all his stuff organized when he's constantly just stuffing things in there…
Having solved the problem of where he would put Wind's boomerang once he collected it, Wild continued his journey along the cliff face, moving a bit easier now that he had that bulky weight off his back. For a moment, it seemed as though the rest of this…retrieval mission…would run smoothly, issues with rain aside.
…And then it got worse.
The rain itself hadn't been too bad so far, aside from generally making things wet. But as Wild reached the boomerang and stretched out his hand to take it, a deep rumble sounded from the looming clouds, nearer and louder than before. The heaviness of the rain increased, and although he could still see, Warriors found himself having to squint to properly make out the champion's movements.
Lightning flashed close by…too close for comfort. Wild startled along with everyone on the ground when a bolt of lightning suddenly struck less than twenty feet away from him.
"You should come down from there!" Twilight yelled. "It's not safe!"
"I'm already up here!" Wild shouted faintly back. "I might as well get what I came for!"
Wind put his hands on his hips. "You should listen to the ranch hand! I want my boomerang back, but I don't want it if it means you'll get struck by lightning!"
"I'm alright!" Wild retorted. "I've done this sort of thing before! I'll be fine, don't worry so much!"
Warriors and Legend groaned in unison…and then, Wild pulled his worst feat yet.
Dangling from the cliff face by a single hand and foot, he began to shuck off his shirt, wriggling out of it and swapping hands midway, then stuffed the shirt into his bag and started rooting around, searching for something specific.
A moment later, he seemed to have found what he was looking for, and pulled out a big, shiny, ugly, floppy tunic, made of something very smooth and slippery-looking. Then the whole process began again, of getting his head and shoulders in the right holes, slipping an arm through the first sleeve, working his way around to the second…
"He's crazy," muttered Warriors, as Wild finished putting on the shirt and started working on his pants. "He's actually crazy. I'm gonna have to watch him like a hawk after this- better he's annoyed at me for hounding him, rather than winding up six feet under because I wasn't."
Legend grumbled along with him. "'I'll be fine,' he says. 'I've done this before,' he says. If I had a rupee for every time that guy has managed to surpass all my previous expectations of what counts as an 'insane stunt'..."
Once Wild had finished changing, he was wearing what had to be the dumbest-looking outfit Warriors had ever seen in his life, complete with a floppy hat that resembled the back half of a fish. Reaching for Wind's boomerang once again, Wild yanked it from where it was stuck in the crack.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief; surely the champion would begin descending back down to safety soon. Except…wait a second. Wild was still climbing up!
"Hey!" called Twilight. "You've got the boomerang, where you goin' now?!"
Wild shifted around to face him, the strange dangly things on his fish-shaped helmet whipping around as he did so. "I saw something a bit further up! I'm gonna go check it out!"
"You saw something? What the heck is there to see in a spot like that?!" yelled Legend.
"I'll be right back!"
"Wild! You can't just- oh, forget it. He can probably barely hear me anyway."
As Wild climbed even further up the cliff, Wind's boomerang began to spark. Although the weapon itself wasn't made of metal, it had metal reinforcements. Heedless of the warning signs flashing around him, Wild ignored the sparks and kept going. When he paused once more to pull out a skewer, the sparks began flashing more and more intensely, culminating in one huge BOOM that echoed in their ears.
Everyone was too horrified to scream. The skewer Wild had been about to eat fell at their feet. A moment later, after blinking away the afterimages, Warriors was flabbergasted (and relieved) to see that the champion had not, in fact, been burned to a crisp, but was still making his way up the cliffside.
It must be that suit he put on…
Twilight growled. "Wild! Come down from there for the love of Ordona!"
There was no response; Wild really was too far up to hear them now. They'd all just have to wait until he found whatever it was he was looking for up there.
About ten seconds later, the champion reached a ledge that jutted out a bit further than the others, pulled himself up, and disappeared from view. Guess he found an actual platform to stand on, Warriors thought. From the looks of things, it's where he saw whatever he's looking for. Well. At least he's not climbing anymore…
A figure leapt out from the vicinity of the ledge. It descended rapidly, and all the Links gathered at the bottom of the cliff scrambled to get out of the way before the figure landed upon them. When the figure got a bit closer, they could see that it was in fact Wild–it had simply been difficult to recognize him in the suit he was currently wearing.
Warriors' breath caught in his throat as he realized Wild didn't have his paraglider out. He'd grown…somewhat accustomed to the occasional gliding session and cliff-jump from the guy, especially when he felt it would be a good idea to go scouting ahead while the others took their time picking their way down a hillside. (and Warriors had also become accustomed to Sky and occasionally Wind joining them) However, this was a behavior he was unfamiliar with. Wild was letting himself fall, and making no move to stop it.
Warriors began to feel a frisson of genuine fear crawl up his spine. But just when it seemed Wild would have to be given a fairy for his recklessness…his paraglider snapped out from his inventory in a flash, appearing so fast it seemed to have been pulled out of thin air. Instantly, Wild's downward acceleration came to an abrupt halt, and he dropped the remaining six inches to the ground, grinning and clutching something in his hand.
Twilight groaned. "I hate it when he does that."
"You mean he's done it before?!" Legend asked incredulously.
Warriors just closed his eyes and tried to get his heart rate back under control while Twilight began to scold Wild for the sheer level of stunt-devil he had aspired to today.
A moment or two of them all staring at Wild later, Twilight spoke up. "Well? What was so all-fired important you had to risk lightning to get it?"
Wild smiled broadly and held out his prize. In his hand was a rather odd-looking plant with flowers in the shape of…hearts?
Sky blinked. "That's it?! You wanted a heart-flower? I could have shown you somewhere less dangerous to find those, you know."
Wild shrugged. "It's more fun to pick 'em on your own, though–and this is such a beautiful specimen! I wonder whether the location in which the plant is found determines how healthy it is…I'd like to try planting these in my Hyrule and see if they grow now that Ganon has been dealt with–I've heard legends about flowers like these, but I think they were wiped out during the previous Calamity."
Everyone froze and gaped at Wild, who merely stared back at them all and raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"You… don't have heart-flowers in your Hyrule?!" Wind exclaimed.
Legend shook his head. "And you're still alive?" He asked. "I'd have for sure been dead a thousand times over if it weren't for that plant right there."
"You said it!" said Wind. "What'd you even use to heal with when you got injured on your journey? You can only carry so many health potions at a time, you know."
"Oh, uh. Well…" Wild shifted a bit. "Well, you see- the Shrine of Resurrection gave me the ability to use food to heal myself in a similar way to the fruit of a heart-flower plant. It's part of the reason I got so good at cooking–the better the meal, the better the healing benefits. I didn't even realize it wasn't normal until someone else asked why I was stuffing my face when I had an arrow stuck in my-..."
He paused, cleared his throat, then continued. "A-anyway…point is, I'm the only one- in my Hyrule, anyway- who can heal with normal food, because I'm the only one who's ever been through the Shrine of Resurrection." He smiled and waved his handful of plants. "That's why I want to take these back with me. Restoring the heart-flower population could be a really good thing for my people."
There was a thoughtful pause at that, as everyone considered what Wild had said.
Finally, Twilight spoke up. "I think it's great that you want to bring heart-flowers back to your Hyrule. It's horrible that they ever went extinct in the first place."
Wild smiled and opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted as Twilight continued over him. "However-"
He frowned. "However?"
Twilight crossed his arms over his chest, and the rest of the group followed suit.
"However, you still didn't need to climb a cliff in the middle of a lightning storm to get 'em."
Wild sheepishly rubbed at the back of his neck. "Eheheh…I'll keep that in mind. Next time."
He handed Wind his boomerang, and trotted off merrily towards camp, to the lovely sound of a chorus of voices calling out, "Next time?!"
Bonus Scene:
The rain cleared up as they walked back towards the campsite. It was almost as though the rain had only started because Wild had been climbing, and now that he was down again, everything was drying up.
When they got back to camp, Time was there stoking the embers of the fire that were sizzling in the rain. He looked up at their approach, blinking in confusion at Wild's choice of apparel.
"Where on earth have you all been? I've been here for half an hour, now–was about to start looking for you if you hadn't shown up."
Legend ignored him, glaring into the distance. He stormed up to the cookpot that was sitting off to the side of the fire, dumping Wild's mushrooms (which he had still been holding) into it and stomping into his tent. "Don't bother me until th' food's ready!" he called from inside, pulling out his flute and settling in to play the most annoying, obnoxious, earworm-ish tunes he could think of.
Time frowned, then turned to the rest of them. "Did something happen I should know about?"
Hyrule threw up his hands. "Don't look at me, I didn't do anything!"
Time raised an eyebrow. "That implies that someone did do something."
Wind hesitated. "Well–..."
Wind, Sky, and Four all glanced at each other, then pointed to Warriors. "He started it!"
Warriors sputtered. "I did not!" He turned to look at Time. "I didn't! Really!"
Time tilted his head curiously.
"Well, what, exactly, didn't you do?" he asked.
Warriors scowled at the question. "Ask Wind if you're so damn curious," he muttered. "I'm gonna…go make sure my clothes are dry."
Time watched him go. It seemed he'd missed quite a lot while he was out fishing.