Chapter Text
Blood streamed down Kageyama’s forearm. He watched the crimson red liquid fall down his arm with satisfaction.
”You’re just an arrogant king!”
He brought the razor up to his forearm and dug in. Blood poured down his arm. The pain of the cut hurt more than the pain in his heart. Kageyama looked over at the clock. 3:24 a.m. He looked back down at his body. He was freezing cold against the bathroom floor tile, but it hadn’t hit him until the stinging wore off. The cuts on his arms and thighs reflected the emotions he couldn’t seem to open up to anyone about. He had considered trying to talk about it. Whenever he tried to say something about what he was going through, he looked into Hinata’s happy eyes and immediately felt guilty at the thought of taking his happiness away with his own problems. He could try to talk about stuff, but when he opened his mouth, no words came out. He had no words to describe what was going on in his head. No words to describe the satisfaction of watching his own blood pour onto the bathroom floor. No words to describe the emptiness in his heart. No words to describe how much he hated himself. Kageyama blinked back tears and wrapped up his fresh cuts. He went to bed, wrapped in a blanket that couldn’t bring him any warmness.
The next morning, Kageyama tried his best not to show the pain he felt with the soreness of his legs and arms. He dragged his body to school and through his classes. He picked through his lunch. The boy never seemed to have an appetite any more. He simply wanted to go to sleep forever. He’d never felt so jealous of the rest of the boys at his table who talked with what seemed to be pure happiness. He pretended he couldn’t notice Sugawara’s worried eyes looking at him. Somehow, he was able to drag himself through the rest of the day.
When practice rolled around, Kageyama used the same excuse that he always used: “I tape my arms so that they don’t get sore after I pass.” Even Hinata believed it and had start doing it. It wasn’t Hinata that worried him with that excuse, it was Daichi and Noya, the two strongest passers who knew that tape never really did anything. However, they never budged. Practice was always the best and worst part of the day for Kageyama. He loved the feeling of home that the rest of the team gave them. He hated having to explain the tape and the injuries constantly. He loved that nobody reached out to try and help him. He hated that nobody reached out to try and help him.
“Alright so I think we should do a little team bonding thing!” Noya suggested. The rest of the team looked at him with confused stares.
”Why? I think we all get along well enough.” Asahi said.
”Yeah, but I don’t talk to like half of the people on this team outside of volleyball, and I think we should hang out more!” Noya said.
“Yeah, I think so too!” Tanaka said, taking his friend’s side.
“What would we even do?” Tsukishima asked.
“I don’t know, go swimming or something? Do an escape room? Whatever everyone else wants to do.” Noya said.
”Swimming sounds fun!” Hinata said.
”Oh, I hate swimming.” Kageyama lied. He used to love swimming. Now he just didn’t want people to see his scars.
”Oh come on, Bakayama! Take one for the team!” Hinata begged.
”We’ll figure something out or do a vote or something, but for right now, let’s just go home.” Daichi said.
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“Kageyama, who don’t you like swimming?” Yamaguchi asked.
“Yeah, it’s like, the best thing ever!” Hinata agreed.
”Because I just don’t like it.” Kageyama said.
“But why don’t you like it?” Tsukishima asked. Kageyama tried to find an excuse.
”I…can’t.” Kageyama said.
“You can’t what?” Hinata asked.
”Swim.” Kageyama said, looking down.
“You can’t swim!?” Tsukishima said, trying to suppress his laughter.
”Shut up, beanpole.” Kageyama said.
“Well then, let us teach you!” Hinata suggested.
“No!” Kageyama replied sharply.
”Why not?” Yamaguchi asked.
”Maybe I just don’t want to learn! Can we just drop this, please?” Kageyama asked.
”Okay, okay, jeez.” Tsukishima said. The rest of the walk was quiet.