Archive of Our Own

“What did you think?” Abed looked at Troy expectantly. They had just finished watching Abed’s newest short film, Troy finally getting to see it after bothering him about it for months. Abed had held firm to his policy of not showing anyone his films until he had finished all the cutting and editing, but it was hard to resist. Troy had a way of looking at him when he wanted something that made Abed’s brain completely short circuit.

“It was awesome!” Troy said, not hesitating for a second. “I think it’s your best one yet!” Abed felt his chest swell with pride, the way he always felt when Troy complimented his work. It was something he’d had to get used to, people encouraging his passions. Gone were the days of trying to ignore his love of filmmaking and interest himself in whatever other people felt was more useful, (not that this ever really worked, his dad still brought up the time he let a batch of falafel burn while going on a rant about the cinematography in There Will be Blood.) Now he could fully indulge, bringing his camera with him everywhere he went and staying up into the early hours of the morning editing footage. Even then, he had to stay grounded. The only path to success was one lined with constructive criticism.

“What did you really think? You always say they’re good, there has to be something about it you didn’t like.” Troy looked at Abed indignantly.

“You never believe me when I tell you I like your movies.”

“Yes I do!”

“Then why do you always goad me into telling you they’re crap? I think you’re a good filmmaker, but whenever I try to compliment you you refuse to accept it.” Abed stared at his feet.

“I’m just trying to make them better. They can always be better.” Troy sighed.

“I just don’t have the same eye for this as you. Whenever we watch stuff together you’ll come up with all this in depth analysis about the writing and production. All I can ever think to say is, ‘this one was good,’ or ‘this one sucked. If I gave you a more in depth opinion it wouldn’t be helpful.’” Abed looked back up at Troy.

“You just told me I was too critical of myself, you’re being hypocritical.” Troy shrugged.

“I guess? I don’t think I’m being critical of myself, I’m just stating facts.”

“Well,” Abed said, “What you’re saying isn’t true.” Troy looked confused, so he elaborated. “Do you remember when we watched Little Miss Sunshine?”

“Yeah! It was so yellow.”

“After we watched it I told you about the production, how they had to use 5 different versions of the mini bus to shoot the actors at different angles. That stuff’s cool, I like learning about it and it can help contextualize the final product. Even so, what stuck with me was your reaction. You talked about how Dwayne realizing he was color blind and would never be able to be a pilot reminded you of when you gave up your football scholarship.” Troy’s face lit up.

“Yeah! I know it’s not the same thing, I chose to give it up, but the way he totally freaked out after basing his entire life on one potential path that didn’t end up working out reminded me of myself.”

“You may think my analysis is cool, but I think that’s also cool. I often have strong emotional connections to films but I can never articulate them. You can.” Troy smiled.

“Thanks, Abed.” He thought for a moment.

“I can’t give any advice on the production side of things, but the emotions were good. When the main guy finally got his dog back after it ran away, I nearly started crying. None of your other films have made me feel like that, that’s why this one’s my favorite” Without fully realizing, Abed began to tear up slightly.

“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about something I’ve made.” In lieu of a response, Troy wrapped his arms around him. Troy was possibly the best hugger in the entire world, he was simultaneously gentle and firm, and Abed had never felt safer.

“You’re going to be the most famous person out of anyone we know and people will be so jealous that I was the first person to see all your early work.” Abed laughed.

“I don’t know about that, it’s pretty hard to get your stuff noticed, film is a competitive industry. I don’t even know if I’ll even be able to get into a film festival.”

“You definitely will, and if you somehow against all odds can’t, I’ll make my own film festival just for you.” Abed didn’t know what to say to this, he was still crying a bit. He hugged Troy tighter. The future was uncertain, but with Troy by his side, he knew anything was possible. The Dreamatorium had predicted that he’d never get into Sundance or Slamdance, but who cared about that? He’d find a way, and things would all work out.

Abed would eventually come to realize, many years later, that the Dreamatorium had made a calculated error in its assessment based on one key factor. It hadn’t predicted he would make it into a big name film festival because at the time, doing so without Troy there to cheer him on was such an infinitesimal possibility that it was essentially statistically impossible. However, things change.

Today was supposed to be the greatest day of Abed’s life, but he just wanted to go home. He stared up at the ceiling. He was lying on the bed of his hotel room, trying to pass the time until he had to leave. He had tried everything, rereading the notes and lists he had made to prepare, doing the breathing exercises Annie had taught him, even reciting monologues from movies he liked, but nothing helped. He curled onto his side, tucking his legs against his chest and wrapping his arms around them. These past few months, he had felt like he was getting better. The unbearable weight that had been crushing him had faded into the background, and if he tried he could almost ignore it. He and Annie had been skyping almost every day, and she watched every clip of his film project he sent her with gleeful enthusiasm. Even if she didn’t always understand them, even if she wasn’t able to notice the subtle changes in the editing he made between clips, she kept encouraging him. However, now that the film was done, he just felt… empty. Having a project to work on was a good distraction, but that’s all it was. A distraction. Now he was alone with his thoughts and it was unbearable. Someone knocked on his door.

“Abed? You there?” It was Annie. She had taken time off of work to support him, something none of his other friends had managed. He had invited all of them, but they ranged from apologetically busy to completely non responsive. He understood, they all lived far away and they had their own lives outside of him, but it still hurt. Annie knocked again. “C’mon Abed, I know you’re nervous but this isn’t something you can be late to!” Abed slowly rose from his position on the bed and walked over to the door. He opened it and was immediately blinded by Annie’s bright smile. “There you are!” She stood on her tiptoes and smoothed down his hair, which had gotten mussed up from lying on the bed. He checked to make sure he had all his things, and off they went. They walked in silence until they were a few blocks from the hotel, where they saw a large banner.
“Sundance Film Festival: 2017,” it proclaimed in large, cheerful letters. Abed gulped. His hands were shaking and he felt fuzzy, like he was watching himself walk down the street through a tv screen filled with static. This was his dream. The thing that was so improbable that even the Dreamatorium didn’t think it was possible. He was going to have his film screened at the Sundance film festival, and all he wanted was to disappear.

“Are you nervous?” Annie looked up at Abed expectantly. The screening was about to start, they were sitting in the front row. It was technically just for cast and crew, but they had a small enough group that Annie was able to squeeze in. Abed smiled, a bit wider than was fully natural.

“No, I’m fine.” Annie furrowed her brow.

“You sure? It’s ok if you are, I’m nervous and I’ve had nothing to do with it.”

“That’s not true, you gave valuable input during the planning process. It helped me streamline things and make it slightly less esoteric.” Annie laughed.

“Abed, I think it’s impossible for you to make something that isn’t esoteric.”

“True…” They sat in silence for a few moments, watching people stream into the theater. It wasn’t the largest crowd, to be expected for a short film by a director with no name recognition, but it was still exciting. So many people were going to see his movie that he had spent countless hours perfecting. It was exciting, but it also made him feel a bit sick. So many people were going to see it, and yet… Annie, sensing his growing discomfort, gently reached over and took his hand in hers. Neither said anything, but Abed felt a little better. He had always liked holding hands with people, it helped ground him. Whenever he began to feel that all familiar disconnect, when things became too much and all he wanted to do was be somewhere else, it tethered him to the present. A few minutes later, it was time. One of the programmers walked in front of the screen, thanking everyone for coming and reminding them to stay for the Q&A session when the screening was over.

“And now… Til Space Do Us Part, a short film directed by Abed Nadir!” The lights dimmed, and it was time. The screening went by in a blur. Abed always found it hard watching his own work, every flaw seemed to have a neon sign pointing to it. Every tiny editing mistake, every minescule continuity error he forgot to fix was instantly noticeable. Every corner cut to work within their budget constraints? Single handedly ruined the whole thing. Eventually, after a few minutes of wanting to scream and curl up into a ball, Abed was able to clear his mind enough to watch the film. It followed a small group of astronauts on a mission to a foreign planet, hoping to test if it would be habitable. However, before they could make it to the planet, the ship began to break down and their only hope for survival was for one of their own to try and fix the issue from the outside. The technician of the group volunteered, knowing it had the potential to be a suicide mission. His best friend, the biologist who would be responsible for testing the planet’s habitation levels, tried to convince him not to go, that it was too dangerous, but the captain ignored him. The technician left the ship and began fixing the issue from the outside, but ultimately failed. Things were too delicate, and one small misstep caused the cord connecting him to the ship to snap, flinging him into the dark void of space. The biologist begged and pleaded to the captain to go back and try to find him, but the captain once again reminded him that the mission was too important. However, the ship’s oxygen levels were quickly draining, and there was no way to reach the planet or get help in time. Sensing that there was no hope, the biologist made a choice. He knocked the captain out, and rerouted the ship back in the direction of his best friend. Eventually, as the oxygen levels grew lower and lower, he found him. He threw out a line for his friend, who was able to make it back on to the ship. In the final moments before the oxygen ran out, the technician thanked the biologist for coming back for him, and the biologist told him that he loved him and would never let him die alone. They then died in each other's arms. Abed could admit that it was a little melodramatic and way too ambitious of an idea for the limited budget he had, but it had ultimately turned out pretty good. Even if the use of a greenscreen in certain scenes was obvious, even if the interior set of the spaceship had been dressed and built with sheets of metal he had found at a junkyard, it had charm. It was not going to change the world, but he was proud of it. The acting definitely made up for the rough appearance. The three main actors, the biologist, technician and captain were all people Abed had met during his time as a production assistant. They all had bit parts on the show he was working on, and they were excited to have the chance to star in any kind of film, no matter how shoddy or weird. They bonded with him over a shared love of sci-fi and Inspector Spacetime, and put their all into their performances. He looked over at them, a few seats down from where he and Annie were sitting. They all had huge grins on their faces, and in that moment everything seemed worth it. Who cared if other people liked their movie, they liked it and making it had been a lot of fun. Before he knew it, the film was over. The lights came back on, and he could hear the people around him begin to whisper. Annie leaned over, her grin bright enough to power an entire city.

“That was so cool!” She pointed at the screen, the credits showing Abed’s name. “I can’t wait until you’re a big time movie guy and I can tell everyone that I knew you before you were famous.” Abed didn’t know how to respond, so he just smiled back. After a short break, it was time for the Q&A . Abed walked up onto the stage along with the actors and a few members of the crew, and suddenly every single emotion he had been feeling all day hit him like a truck. He was able to compartmentalize while watching his film, focusing on the tiny little details, but now, hundreds of eyes staring at him, he felt completely frozen. Thankfully, the first question was for the producer, asking for advice on best utilizing a small budget. He exhaled, maybe this would go ok. A few more questions went by. Ok, this was fine. He could do this. Just when he thought things were going well, the moderator called on the next person.

“My question is for the director,” they said, in an all too familiar voice. Abed felt his breath catch in his throat. Surely this wasn’t happening, he was imagining it. This was just like the Christmas where everything he saw was made of clay, none of this was happening and he would wake up in a hospital any minute. He looked down into the audience at the person talking, and though he knew who he would see, he felt himself grow lightheaded. The man standing there was slightly different to how Abed remembered him. His hair was longer, he’d grown a scruffy beard, and the fake it until you make it confidence he used to project had grown into real confidence. Despite everything, it was unmistakably Troy Barnes. “I was wondering what the inspiration was behind the story? The characters and their relationships felt so real.” Troy smiled up at him, a smile bright enough to power a whole city, and Abed wondered what he had done to deserve this. Abed took the microphone, palms immediately growing sweaty.

“Well…” he said, brain going numb. What was he meant to do? What was anyone meant to do, when their best friend they hadn’t seen in over four years showed up unannounced to see the movie they had undeniably made as a way of coping with their absence. He took a deep breath. ‘Keep things professional Abed, no one in this room cares about your personal baggage.’

“It was meant to reflect a time in my life where I had to let something go, and how much I didn’t want to. I’ve always had a difficult time dealing with change, and that’s what this is meant to be about. Most changes aren’t as drastic as your best friend being sent on a suicide mission to fix a failing spaceship, but they often feel like that to me and I was trying to work that out.” He looked out into the audience again, briefly making eye contact with Troy. Troy’s expression had shifted to one Abed couldn’t quite read, as if he had just connected the dots. Abed exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. There, he had gotten through it. Sure, he would have to talk to Troy after the Q&A and see how he felt, now that he most likely realized that he had just watched a movie about himself, but that could wait. Before Abed had a moment to rest, another question came for him.

“You just referred to the technician as the biologist’s best friend, is that the relationship you had in mind? To me, this felt like a love story.” Abed felt all the blood in his body rush to his face, turning it red hot. It was one of the rare times in his life where he was completely lost for words. He might have been able to answer this question under normal circumstances, but with Troy in the room there was no way. Abed believed in death of the author and the right of the viewer to interpret media however they wished, but he had never been able to shake the feeling of annoyance he got when people misinterpreted his work. People were allowed to think whatever they wanted, but in moments of weakness he often wished that he could force people to think like him and see what he saw. However, this was not one of those moments. The questioner was correct.

Abed’s crush on Troy had, like the majority of things in life, begun under strange circumstances. He had spent the whole day chasing a rat around Greendale, after Troy freaked out and let it escape. He had spent the day trying his level best to stay calm, but it was difficult not to be annoyed. If Troy had stopped his posturing for one second, none of this would’ve happened. Eventually he found the rat and began singing his part of the duet, accepting defeat. There was no way Troy would join him, his terror of rats was what got them into this mess in the first place, and even then there was no way he would ever sing a romantic duet with another man without being held at gunpoint. Fievel was going to escape for good, and Abed would have to accept a failing grade. However, despite all odds, Troy joined in. He had a surprisingly beautiful singing voice, and as he sang, he smiled. Troy didn’t smile very often, but seeing it made Abed wish he did. For the first time since meeting him, Troy seemed like he was genuinely having fun, unburdened by his dense layers of irony and affected coolness. Abed wasn’t able to pinpoint what he was feeling at the time, but he did know then and there that he really liked this side of Troy, and wanted to bring it out. He began inviting him to hang out outside of the group’s regular study sessions. Troy was initially reluctant, but eventually caved after recognizing that he didn’t have anything better to do. They played video games and watched movies together, initially starting with the mainstream action movies that Troy claimed were his favorite. Eventually they branched out, and after several months of slowly building trust, he eventually learned that Troy’s true favorite type of movies were romantic comedies. Troy suggested they watched 10 Things I Hate About You, brushing it off as his ex-girlfriend's favorite movie that he was slightly fond of after being forced to watch it so many times. By the time the poem scene came up, he was sobbing like a baby. Abed, watching him be moved to tears over a poetic declaration of love at the end of a romcom, felt something inside him change. He gazed at Troy affectionately, wishing he could reach over and take his hand in his, to show him that it was all right and that he found it endearing how easily he got emotional. He wished he had the courage to do that thing people always do on TV, pretend to stretch and put their arm around someone else while watching a movie together. He stopped himself. As much as he now realized he wanted a new plotline to be introduced, a plotline in which Troy was his love interest and they could be as happy together as Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger were in 10 Things I Hate About You, that would never happen. Those plotlines never happened to people like Abed. He had long since accepted this. It wasn’t that people weren’t attracted to him, he’d had his fair share of flings. It was that no one could stand spending time with him where they actually had to talk to him. Even the most patient person in the world would eventually get sick of him, no matter how much they had in common. Everyone got sick of him eventually.

Somehow, Troy never got sick of him. No matter how annoying Abed thought he was being, Troy would be there to listen, enraptured. His dad had long since tired of hearing his movie and TV facts, but Troy would listen to his rants about David Lynch’s filmography and theories about Twin Peaks and ask questions, genuinely interested. Troy understood that crowded spaces made him overstimulated, and would hold his hand as a way of grounding him. Troy kept track of time for him when Abed lost his digital watch and couldn’t read the analog clocks, and in turn Abed helped him pronounce certain words that he had only seen written and never said aloud before. (This became very important after Jeff had made fun of Troy for pronouncing epitome as “eh-pi-tome.”) No one had ever cared about Abed this much, and it was a bit scary. The better Troy seemed, the more Abed loved him, and at the same time, the closer things were to the inevitable shoe dropping. The moment where Troy’s patience wore thin, and he left. The shoe never dropped. There were moments when things were tenuous, after pillow fort wars, air conditioning repair schools, and girlfriends. Despite everything, Troy stayed. Abed had long since given up any hope of Troy ever reciprocating his feelings, especially after he started dating Britta. It would be a stretch by any means to say Britta was normal, but her quirks were lovable and explainable. She wasn’t so neurotic that she spent multiple hours every day trying to simulate what her friend's relationship was like and determining every single flaw and reason they should break up. Troy deserved better than someone like that. Even if Abed’s romantic subplot was destined to remain hopelessly unrequited, he would always have Troy by his side. That is, until he didn’t.

Snapping back to reality, Abed took a deep breath. “Feel free to interpret their relationship however you want, the exact nature of it is ambiguous.” He looked away from the crowd, not wanting to see Troy’s reaction. It was the truth, sure, but what would Troy think, now that he knew the movie was about their relationship? The rest of the panel went by in a blur. Eventually, the moderator cut things off and thanked everyone for coming, and moments later Abed was gone. He had originally planned to meet back up with Annie afterwards, but after how the panel went, the only thought in his head was running away. He pushed through the crowd of people, not entirely sure where he was going. Eventually he found his way into an empty hallway, lined with doors. He opened one of them, finding a mostly empty room with a table and chairs. It seemed to have been used as a greenroom for some of the festival guests, there was a large pack of bottled waters on the table. Abed sat down and grabbed one of the bottled waters, quickly downing the whole bottle. He sat in silence, his heart racing and his breathing heavy. He knew he would eventually have to leave this room. He would have to find Annie, who was probably looking for him, and he would eventually have to see Troy. He desperately wanted to see Troy, but at the same time the thought of it made him feel sick. He pulled out his phone and earbuds, scrolling until he found his playlist of movie scores. He put in the earbuds and pressed play, letting the discordant piano of Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross wash over him. He took a deep breath, and laid his head down on the table. Usually this could calm him down, but he still felt a bit ill. Of course something like this happened. Nothing he did ever went right, he wasn’t sure why he felt like this time would be different. Just when he felt like he was starting to move on, exercising all his past emotional turmoil, the cause of it showed up for the first time in years, sending his heart into a tailspin. The music blared in his ears, and he tried to shut his brain off, get lost in the noise, but it wasn’t working the way it usually did. Through the music, he could hear the creak of an opening door. If it was who he thought it was, just his luck. Abed whipped his head around, and sure enough, Troy was standing in the doorway. Abed took out his earbuds, lost for words. The two men stared at one another, the years of separation palpable.

“Hi,” Troy said, smiling awkwardly.

“Hi.” Troy cleared his throat, staring at the ceiling.

“Um… I’m sorry if you want to be alone right now, but I really wanted to see you and I know you have a hard time with crowds so I figured you’d be hidden away somewhere.” It had been four years, and it still felt like Troy could read his mind.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.” Troy took a cautious step towards Abed, still several yards away. Before Abed could fully register what he was doing, he stood up and thrust himself into Troy’s arms, hugging him tightly. Troy swayed on his feet, almost falling, but quickly regained his balance. He hugged Abed back, arms wrapping around him. Abed wasn’t sure how long it was before they eventually separated. It was probably only a minute or two, but it felt like an entire lifetime. Abed pulled back, looking into Troy’s eyes. He was crying slightly, smiling so widely that it looked like his jaw was about to break.

“I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to see you again,” he said, voice overcome with emotion.

“Same here.” Abed then felt the need to ask the question that had been weighing on his mind ever since he first saw Troy at the screening. “How did you know I was going to be here?” Troy chuckled slightly.

“It was Annie. She sent me an email a few weeks ago about how you got your movie into a big film festival and how it would be a nice surprise if I was there to see the screening. It was completely out of the blue, I have no idea how she tracked down my contact information after all these years.” Of course it was Annie. When she wanted something, she would stop at nothing to make it happen. Abed admired her for that, but also envied her. He could have tried harder to track down Troy after all these years, attempted to reconnect, but he hadn’t. It had been so long. Granted, this wasn’t Troy’s fault, you had to accept that there would be some radio silence after the other party had been kidnapped by pirates. It was nearly 5 months after he left before Abed had any sign that Troy was even alive. After all this time, Abed nearly giving up hope, Troy had sent an email to his Greendale account, telling him that he was ok and that he would send more updates about the trip later. This had been the first time since Troy left that Abed had felt like his old self. Maybe things could go back to normal. Sure, nothing would ever be like how it was, but they could make long distance work, it would be fine. He spent several painstaking weeks trying to write the perfect response back. No matter what he wrote, nothing sounded right. Nothing could encapsulate how he actually felt, the strength of his emotions that had emerged in Troy’s absence. If he tried to sound casual it felt like he was lying to himself and putting on a front, but being honest just made him seem clingy and desperate. Maybe because he was clingy and desperate. Maybe because he was so pathetically codependent that his life had completely fallen apart without Troy there. Troy was off having the time of his life, finally getting to discover himself. He didn’t need to be reminded of the basket case that was Abed Nadir. Needless to say, that email was never sent. Troy never sent another email either, he was probably waiting for Abed to respond and gave up. He had blown it. He always blew it. After spending his entire life trying to find someone who loved him for exactly who he was, he had found them, then he threw it all away because he was too much of a neurotic coward. Abed forced a smile.

“I’ll have to thank her.”

“Is she here with you? I’d like to see her, we should all go out for drinks later.”

“She is, that would be fun.” Maybe this was the solution to Abed’s problems. Annie could be a buffer, preventing things from getting awkward and Troy inevitably asking him about the movie and the feelings behind it. Before he could consider this possibility any further, Troy changed the subject.

“By the way, I loved your movie,” Troy said. “I don’t know if I ever said those exact words, but it was definitely your best one yet.” Once again, it was as if Troy could read Abed’s mind. He beamed at Abed, and it made Abed feel exactly the same as it had all those years ago. When Troy smiled at you, so bright it almost hurt to look at, you were the only person in the entire world. Abed looked down at the floor, unsure of what to say. Why did Troy still look at him as if he’d hung the moon and the stars? Surely his life was much better on his boat trip, pirates notwithstanding. In the email, he’d attached a selfie he’d taken with Levar Burton, grinning ear to ear. He looked so happy, like his dreams were coming true. Had he ever been that happy with Abed? With Abed, who always decided what they were going to do and made him indulge in his fantasies? With Abed, who freaked out without him and was visibly miserable when he had a girlfriend? With Abed, who in the end was so hopelessly in love with him that he still thought Troy would come back to him any day now and everything would go back to how it was? How could anyone be happy like that?

“Abed?” Abed blinked. Troy was there right in front of him. He hadn’t imagined it, this wasn’t a dream.

“Thanks, I worked really hard on it.”

“I could tell! It reminded me a bit of Interstellar. Did you ever end up seeing that?” Abed’s breath hitched.

“Yeah,” he said. He was trying to keep his tone even, but it still came out a bit shaky. “Opening weekend.” Troy looked at him, his eyes filling with concern. Even after all these years he was still finely tuned to Abed’s emotions, still able to tell when something was wrong no matter how much Abed insisted he was fine.

“Are you ok? Did you… not like it? If you didn’t, I’m sorry for comparing it to your movie, that must’ve been really annoying.” Abed took a deep breath.

“It’s not that I didn’t like it, watching it was just.. hard for me.” Abed had always loved movies, but Christopher Nolan’s movies were special. Even when things were hard, when he was lonely, when it felt like the whole world was against him, watching movies like Christopher Nolan’s made him feel like he had a purpose. One day he would make something great too, and inspire other people like how those movies inspired him. Before Greendale, he had always watched those movies by himself. His dad wasn’t really a movie guy, which Abed had long since accepted, but he remembered sitting in the theater for a showing of The Dark Knight. It was amazing and everything he’d hoped for, but he had no one to share it with. It was just him, surrounded by groups of friends laughing and whispering to each other, enjoying the film in a completely different way. That was, until Troy. The summer after their first year at Greendale was when Inception came out, and to Abed’s surprise, Troy agreed to go with him. The movie was great, but it wasn’t what he remembered all these years later. He remembered Troy’s confusion and his requests to Abed to explain certain details, and to his surprise, Troy listening to him. He remembered going to see The Dark Knight Rises with Troy several years later. He was worried Troy wasn’t going to come, he was going to see the movie with Britta instead, where they would hold hands over the armrest and sit in the back of the theater and kiss when no one was looking. However, Troy never even mentioned Britta. He just talked excitedly about the movie on the way there, and debated with Abed about which scene was the best on the way home. For that single afternoon, things were perfect. Of course, perfect things can never last.

“Interstellar came out about a year after you left. I still missed you, but it had become something I had learned to live with. It wasn’t the same raw wound it had once been. It was hard doing something that I so strongly associated with you, but I was too excited to see the movie to let that get to me. Everything was fine, until..” he trailed off, not knowing how to finish. Troy gently placed his hand on Abed’s shoulder.

“Until what?”

“Until Cooper had to leave.” Troy’s expression changed, seeming to understand.

“Cooper had to leave, it was for the best. Without him leaving, everyone on Earth would starve to death. But even still, Murph couldn’t stop herself from trying to make him stay, no matter how selfish it was.”

“That’s different. People weren’t going to die if I left, I could’ve stayed! I told you that I could stay, and you told me to go!” Abed’s voice went shaky again, but he wasn’t able to hide it this time.

“You don’t understand Troy. I was holding you back. We both knew it. This was your chance to learn who you were without me, and I would never have forgiven myself if I took that away from you. You needed your grand adventure, and I needed to let go.” He felt tears form in his eyes, he tried to keep his expression neutral. “It was fine, I’m used to people leaving.”

“Is that why you never emailed me back? You thought I was leaving because I didn’t want you around anymore?” Abed didn’t respond, looking down at his feet.

“I hadn’t heard from you in so long. You promised that you would call me right after you left, and you didn’t. I waited for months, so I guess I just…”

“Gave up?”

“I would have rather never spoken to you again and lived with the memory of who you were than reach out and get no for an answer. Once I accepted you weren’t coming back, that the homing pigeon DNA I merged with you failed, I tried to move on. That was the whole point of cloning myself, allowing myself to move on from you. If I didn’t, I would’ve spent the rest of my life trapped in the past.” Troy considered this for a second before responding.

“I don’t feel like making a whole movie about how much you miss me is exactly moving on. I kinda think it’s exactly what you’re describing, allowing yourself to be trapped in the past.” Abed tensed up. He knew this would come up eventually, but he had been dreading it. Abed had forgotten how Troy could see right through him. He was so used to people treating him like an unsolvable mystery. Sometimes it was nice, it made him feel important, special. Other times it made him feel incredibly lonely. Troy just made him feel like a person, a regular person who had the same irrational feelings and emotions as anyone else.

“I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it, making movies usually helps.”

“Couldn’t you have talked to Annie? She was probably feeling the same way, she was sad about me leaving too.” Before Abed could fully comprehend what he was saying, he said,

“No, it’s different.” Troy looked confused.

“How is it different?” Abed wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. His stupid mouth always ran faster than his brain.

“I don’t know… it just is.” Troy stared at him, his eyes surprisingly intense. Abed could feel any sort of argument as to why he didn’t talk to Annie fade away, along with every other thought in his mind. “I love Annie, I talk to her about almost everything, but for some reason I couldn’t, I don’t know why.” He knew why. Troy kept staring at him, like he was an interesting specimen in a natural history museum. Abed felt his outer layers breaking down, any second the dam would burst and every earnest and sincere thought he had ever had would flow out. He took a deep breath.
“Sometimes when I’m feeling something I can’t put into words, I put it in a movie. That comes much more naturally to me than talking about feelings.” Troy nodded.

“Like that movie you made for your dad to convince him to let you take film classes.”

“Right.” Abed stared at his feet, hands shaking slightly.

“What were you trying to say that you couldn’t put into words?” Abed didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say, that was the whole reason for any of this. How could he possibly put into words the enormity of his feelings for Troy Barnes? Before he could talk himself out of it, he reached down into his backpack and pulled out his laptop. Troy gave him a puzzled look, but Abed didn’t make eye contact. He opened the laptop and pulled up the original file of the film he had just screened. He skipped to a specific scene towards the end. The biologist had just saved the technician. “You didn’t have to do that,” the technician said. “I knew the risks, I was prepared to die.” The biologist shook his head.

“No matter what happens, I couldn’t bear to lose you. No matter how hopeless things seem, no matter how far away you are, I’ll always be thinking of you.”

“Why? What did I do to deserve that?” The biologist smiled, tears forming in his eyes.

“Being you. Being the most important person in my life.” They hugged, their breathing growing shallower as the oxygen levels in the ship depleted. “I love you,” the biologist said, head resting on the technician’s shoulder.

“I love you too.” There was at least another minute of the film, but Abed paused it there. The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Abed stared at the floor, counting the number of tiles. He couldn’t look at Troy, or anything for that matter. Eventually, the silence grew unbearable. Abed slammed his laptop closed, feeling his movements growing frantic. He hesitantly looked Troy in the eye, unable to gauge his facial expression. He felt like there was something heavy pressing down on his chest, preventing him from breathing properly.

“Sorry about that, you should just forget–” Before he could finish, Troy cupped his face in his hands and kissed him. He pulled away after a few seconds, a scared look in his eyes. Abed looked at him, stunned.

“I hope I was reading that right, I’ve just missed you so much and I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.”

“You read me loud and clear.”

“Oh thank god.” Troy leaned back in, kissing him again. The first kiss had been slightly hesitant, both participants only barely registering what was happening. This kiss felt intentional. Troy kissed the same way he looked at Abed, like he was the only person in the entire world that mattered. Abed had thought about this moment for years. Daydreams when he was bored in class that eventually turned into Dreamatorium simulations. That’s all they were though. Simulations. There was no way anything like this could have ever happened, not to someone like Abed. Like everything that had happened today, against seemingly every odd in the universe, it was happening, more perfect than anything he could have possibly dreamed–

“Oh my god I am so sorry!”
The two men sprang apart, heads whipping around to see a startled Annie standing in the doorway. Abed felt his face grow hot, and when he looked over Troy’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

“..Hey Annie,” Troy said, trying too hard to seem nonchalant. Abed silently waved, still not fully able to process what had just happened. Annie waved back, face bright red. She looked at Abed.

“I was trying to find you after the panel and ask you about Troy, but I guess you’ve already gotten… reacquainted.”

“Guilty as charged,” Abed replied. Troy, embarrassment having somewhat worn off, seemed to finally process that his other best friend he also hadn’t seen in four years was in the room with him. He ran over to Annie and hugged her tightly.

“I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too! The apartment was so much quieter without you.” Abed walked over and wrapped his arms around both of them, pulling them into a group hug. They stayed like that for a minute, apartment 303 all together at last. Eventually they broke apart, but Troy grabbed Abed’s hand. This wasn’t unusual, they had always held hands, but it felt exciting now, like the touch was full of electricity. Annie looked down at their hand holding with a seemingly triumphant expression. Abed looked at her curiously.

“Annie, did you invite Troy to come see my film with the expectation that this would happen?”

“That what would happen?” she asked innocently. Abed gestured at his hand interlocked with Troy’s. Annie looked up at the ceiling.

“Oh, I don’t know…” Now Troy looked at her, his eyebrow raised. She sighed. “Okay, fine! Abed showed me the movie before the festival and without telling me I knew it was about Troy. He’s been trying to pretend everything is fine but he’s been all mopey for ages, I thought this would cheer him up and maybe unsaid things would finally be said.” Troy and Abed looked at one another, and then at Annie.

“You knew that we liked each other? I didn’t even know Abed liked me until a few minutes ago!” Troy said, shocked. Annie rolled her eyes.

“I lived with you guys for nearly two years, you’re not exactly subtle.” Abed saluted Annie.

“Well, from one control freak to another, I suppose I should thank you for interfering with my love life.”

“You’re welcome!” Annie said, clasping her hands together. “Annie Edison, master matchmaker!” Troy laughed.

“What’s so funny? Without me you two might have never seen each other again!” Troy kept laughing.

“Sure, this time.”

“What do you mean this time?”

“Annie, you tried to set me up with Britta the day after you walked in on me looking up shirtless pictures of Clive Owen.” Abed jumped in.

“You tried to set me up with a girl for the Sophie B. Hawkins dance the day after you caught me doing a Dreamatorium simulation of Troy and Britta breaking up and him asking me to the dance instead.” Annie pouted.

“Well, maybe I’m not a master matchmaker, but I have one success story under my belt!” Abed nodded in her direction.

“That you do.” Troy looked between the both of them, smiling.

“We should all go out for drinks, I want to know about what you’ve been up to!”

“Sure!” Annie said. She started walking out the door. Troy followed her, pulling Abed along by the hand.

Abed couldn’t remember the last time he had been this happy. Several hours had passed, Annie had found a bar near the hotel they were all staying at and they had bought several rounds of drinks. Abed still couldn’t believe that Troy was staying at the same hotel as them. What if instead of seeing him for the first time at the panel, it had been in the hallway, both of them on a vending machine run at the same time? He was glad events had unfolded the way they did, it felt much more cinematic. Having Troy and Annie with him, all squished together in a crowded booth, made him realize just how lonely he was. Sure, he talked to Annie a lot, but she, along with the rest of the study group lived across the country. He had some friends he had made through various industry jobs, but he’d never been able to replicate what he’d had at Greendale. He thought back to those days. He had never thought about his living situation with Troy and Annie coming to an end. Sure, he assumed they might not live together anymore once they graduated, nothing can last forever, but the end felt so abrupt. Suddenly Troy was on a boat thousands of miles away, and a bit over a year later he and Annie were on opposite ends of the country, attempting to start their adult lives. He looked at both of them now. Troy was laughing at a story Annie had told, his face lit up by the candle at the center of the table. He would never take this for granted ever again. Annie yawned.

“I’m really tired, I think I’m going to turn in for the night.” She noticed Troy’s face fall slightly, and added, “I’m not leaving for a few more days, we can definitely hang out more!” At this, Troy’s smile returned. Annie stood up and tapped Abed on the shoulder.

“Can you send me a list of the movies you’re going to see here before you leave? We should try to catch a few together.” Abed nodded.

“Sure. I’ll show Troy too, he can come with us.” Annie climbed out of the booth and waved.

“Good night! I’ll see you both tomorrow!” She winked knowingly at Abed and walked away, leaving him alone with Troy. Now was his chance. He would have felt a bit awkward doing this around Annie, he knew how annoying it was to be a third wheel, but he had always wanted to pretend to yawn as an excuse to put his arm around someone like people did in movies and TV. He waited for an opportune time and went for it. As he was pretending to yawn, Troy laughed.

“Abed, you can put your arm around me, you don’t need to try to be smooth.” Abed cursed Troy’s ability to catch on to him, but obliged. Troy leaned in to him, nestling his head in the crook of Abed’s neck. Abed wished he had done something about his crush on Troy years earlier, moments like this reminded him of how much he’d missed out on. Abed looked down at him.

“I have an extra ticket for a movie tomorrow, it’s a gay romance movie set in Italy. You talking about Interstellar reminded me of it, I’m pretty sure the lead is the actor who played Cooper’s son.”

“I remember thinking it was funny that that kid grew up to be a really depressed looking Casey Affleck.”

“Would you want to go with me?”

“Are you asking me on a date?” Troy said, sounding slightly amused.

“Yes. Is that funny?”

“Not really, it just reminded me of how I wanted to ask you on a date before I left but I could never think of something for us to do. We already watched movies and went out to eat together all the time, it wouldn’t have felt special.”

“This is more special than that, it’s a film festival and we’re going to a world premiere.”

“You’re missing the point. It’s funny because now that I haven’t gotten to watch a movie with you in so long, it feels like the most special thing in the world.” Abed felt like his heart was being squished by a hydraulic press. Unable to express this feeling in words, he kissed Troy on the top of the head.

“So you’ll go?”

“Duh! Sounds great!” They stayed like this for a bit longer, enjoying each other's company. Eventually, they noticed that it was getting pretty late, so they decided to head back to the hotel. As they passed another bar, a large, loud group of people all emptied onto the street at once. Sensing Abed tense up, Troy grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“What are you going to do after this Troy?”

“Hmm?”

“After the film festival is over. Are you going back to traveling?” Abed had tried not to think about this aspect of seeing Troy, but it was better to get it out of the way sooner rather than later.

“I think so? Pierce’s wishes weren’t super specific, but there’s still a ton of parts of the world I haven’t been to yet. I’m technically cheating, being here, but I figured that I can get Pierce’s estate to ignore that if I say it was in the name of love.” He paused for a second. “Also if I get back to the trip soon.” Abed turned away, dejected. He knew this couldn’t last, it was all too good to be true. He’d get to be with Troy for a few days, something he’d only dreamed of, and then it would be over as soon as it started. Troy would go back to sea, and Abed would be left alone, heartbroken. He had been used to loneliness for the past few years, he could get used to loneliness again.

“Pierce never said I had to travel alone though.”

“You’re not alone, you have LeVar Burton with you.”

“Yeah, but he’s been tired of it for a while. I think he wants to get back to his acting career.” Abed tried to wrap his head around this.

“You want me to travel with you?”

“Yeah! Being by myself sounds super lonely, and there’s no one I’d rather have than you. You can find inspiration for your next movie.” Abed, overcome with emotion, wrapped his arms around Troy. He wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. He could be with his favorite person in the entire world again. He leaned back slightly and kissed Troy, arms wrapped around his neck. As they broke apart, Troy laughed. “Can I take that as a yes?”

“There’s nothing else I’d rather do.”

“Great!” As they walked back to the hotel, hand in hand, Abed smiled. Things change, but maybe this change wouldn’t be so bad.