Chapter Text
It's so awkward, Rayane can feel it physically, and he absolutely hates it. He tries to cover it up the best he can, truly, because it's not Nana's fault that they're here now. And well, she seems absolutely delighted to have him here, so he puts on his best smile, even though his gut is clenched constantly.
"There you go, sweetheart." she says, putting a plate of soup in front of him, "I will go to the garden to fetch some fresh vegetables, I will be right back!"
She leaves before he can even ask if she needs help, and Rayane sighs, looking at the plate in front of him. He isn't hungry, but he doesn't want to hurt her feelings, so he starts eating. He might be feeling nauseous, but at least it tastes pretty great.
The thing is, Nana is absolutely lovely. She hugged Rayane the moment she saw him, as if looking over the fact that they hadn't seen each other for over a decade. There's a lump in Rayane's throat everytime she touches his hair, and he wishes he remembered when he was a little child and she was still in his life.
None of this is her fault, though, and Rayane doesn't blame her. He blames his parents, mainly his father, for preventing him from meeting mom's side of the family. Any family, to be honest. Since Rayane can properly remember, it's been only him and his parents, and that terrible green-eyed monster creeping in every corner of their Paris apartment.
He thought he would be able to breathe more freely here, even though it wasn't his idea to come. But this little village some 40 kilometres from Sète isn't a magical solution to all the shit going in his life. Or maybe it will be, it has been just two days since he arrived, so maybe, just maybe, it will help him somehow. It doesn't change the fact that he's feeling anxious and jittery, and it doesn't help that he doesn't have his phone, as his father took it from him before dropping him at a train station.
It was his mom's idea to send him here. Well, it was dad's order to send him away, and mom managed to beg him out of sending him to some questionable camp in England, and after a moment of thinking, he agreed. 'At least there he won't bring me more shame', he said in a voice that still haunts Rayane at nights, when he tosses in bed, unable to fall asleep.
"I'm back!" Nana announces cheerfully, coming back from the garden with a small basket full of colours, "How's the soup?"
"It's delicious." Rayane says, quickly ducking his head to finish eating.
He watches her with a corner of his eye, her silhouette small but strong, and he can't help but wonder how his grandfather was like, the one he was never granted permission to meet, and resentment towards his dad builds bitterly in his throat.
He swallows it down quickly when Nana comes to take his plate from him, and once again she smiles at him so lovingly he wants to cry. He doesn't know how to act with this woman, who is a part of his closest family, but he doesn't really know her, he doesn't know her at all, and he doesn't know how to handle this pure, unbothered attention towards him. He's used to walking on eggshells for so long, and he doesn't know how to behave.
Nana joins him by the table for a second course, pasta with a fresh salad, and she chatters through most of it happily, and Rayane can't help but wonder what would she say if she knew the reason he was sent here for. Would she yell at him? Would that kind smile be wiped off her face? He'd like to believe that she wouldn't, that Rayane's mom got her kindness after her.
Still, he knows he won't tell her. He doesn't have it in him, he can't risk another rejection, another screaming match, another face twisted with despise.
"Thank you." he says after he's finished, "I can do the dishes-"
"No, no, nonsense!" Nana waves her hand, already on her feet, "I'll be done in minutes, you go and play outside, huh? It's such a pretty weather!"
He speaks to him like he's a little child, and Rayane has to bite back a remark forming on his tongue. He doesn't want to speak to her like he did to his father, so he just nods and heads outside, putting his shoes on the way.
It's nice here, really. Rayane's used to the city life, to concrete and dust and fumes swirling in his nose. Here, the sky is blue, the air is fresh, and the backyard is an ocean of green grass scattered with colourful bunches of flowers. Rayane inhales deeply, a sweet scent of roses tingling in his nose. It's peaceful and quiet, and he appreciates it, but at the same time he's not loving it. Because how could he fully appreciate it, all that beauty, when the sole reason he's here is the ugliness of his life?
He looks around, and he sees an orange ball sitting near to a basket resting by a wall. It looks a bit deflated, but honestly, he has nothing better to do, so he decides to channel his inner Zidane and see if he maybe remembers some tricks from middle school.
It's a good exercise, and it makes him kind of forget how utterly shitty he feels, emotions morphing into motions, and he kicks the ball around mindlessly. But still, the anger is rooted too deeply inside him, and before he knows it, he sends the ball flying over the garden wall and Rayane gasps quietly in horror.
His first instinct is to pretend it has never happened, but he decides to be a big guy and face the result of his poor football skills. He grabs the bucket and brings it to the wall, stepping on it so he can look at the neighbouring garden. It's similar to his grandmother's, neat and clean, with a lot of flowers and some patches of vegetables in one corner, fruit trees swaying in the wind.
Rayane immediately sees someone sitting on the grass, his back turned to Rayane. The ball rests maybe half a meter from him, but the guy doesn't move towards it at all, so Rayane clears his throat before reaching out.
"Um, hey, sorry for that, could you pass the ball please?"
He can see the guy's shoulders tensing, then slumping forward a bit, but he doesn't move beside that, and he doesn't make a sound.
"Hello?"
Initially confused, Rayane starts to feel irritated when the stranger keeps on ignoring him, and he knows it's clear in his voice when he speaks out again.
"Dude, come on, are you deaf?"
The words hang in the warm summer air, and after a moment of silence, the guy finally moves. He stands up slowly, and then he turns around, and Rayane's stomach clenches.
"Close enough." the boy says sarcastically, white patches covering his eyes glimmering in the bright sun, "If you want to get it, you have to come over."
He turns around and walks towards the house slowly, his steps careful and arms stretched in front of him, and Rayane stares at him for a moment, his body refusing to react. He feels like a piece of shit, and he doesn't want to go there, but after a moment of internal turmoil, he feels a spark of curiosity growing inside him. He hops off the bucker and walks around the house towards the gate. He exits to the narrow village road and walks to the next house.
The gate is cracked open, and he walks through a short tunnel of blooming jasmine, and the scent almost makes him dizzy. And then he sees the house, and the guy is here, leaning against the wall next to the door, and Rayane's heart stammers in his chest.
Even with a part of his face covered, the boy is absolutely stunning. He has pale skin, his face and arms slightly pink from the sun, and as Rayane steps closer without much thinking, he can see a couple of freckles on his nose. His features are strong, but softened by the curly waves of his hair. Involuntarily, Rayane raises his hand and waves it in front of the stranger's face, and his lips twitch in an unamused grimace.
"I might be blind, but I know you're here." he tilts his head to the side, "Who are you?"
"A jerk with a ball, apparently." Rayane says without much thinking and the guy snorts.
"Without a ball, now." he points his hand in a general direction of the garden, "Feel free to collect it. Close the gate on your way out."
Rayane opens his mouth, wanting to say something, but he ends up only watching as the boy slowly walks inside, not sparing Rayane even one more bit of his attention.
Rayane stays unmoved for a moment, having difficulties to gather his thoughts, when a distant sound of a motorbike brings him back to reality. He blinks, and realizes that his cheeks feel very hot for some reason, and he shakes his head, annoyed yet again, and unable to specify why. He goes to collect the ball quickly and goes back to Nana's garden just in time to see her walking out of the house with two cups in her hands.
"Are you having fun, sweetie?" she asks, walking towards him, "I got us some coffee, would you have one?"
"Sure, thank you!" Rayane says, a bit distracted.
They come to sit on a garden swing, and Rayane can't help but sway his legs a little like a little child. Nana smiles at him, and he smiles back, and decides that maybe it's his time to carry a conversation a bit.
"Who lives over there?" he asks, nodding towards the other house, and he takes a sip of his coffee to mask his curiosity.
"Oh, there?" Nana turns to look at the garden wall briefly, "My friend, Lili. She was so lovely to me when I first moved here, we are good friends now."
Rayane awaits for her to mention the blind stranger, but she doesn't, so he pushes the topic a bit.
"I think I saw some boy in the garden."
"Huh? Ah, yes!" she exclaims, and her sunny expression dims a little, "There's a boy staying with her now, for the summer, just like you. I think he's a grandson of one of her school friends? Or a cousin? I can't really remember. Poor thing, this boy."
"Why? What happened?"
"There was an accident in Sète, a couple of weeks ago. A plane crashed on the beach, there were many people injured, and he was among them. What was his name, ah-" she scrunches her nose, "Jerome? Jack? Jean… I think Jack, yes. Well, the poor thing lost his sight, and they sent him here to recover a bit, I think his family struggles a little at the moment."
"Oh." is all Rayane is able to hum in response. He can't imagine losing his sight, especially in some freak accident, and he actually feels a bit nauseous at the mere thought. He's feeling like a jerk now, for making the deaf comment, but at the same time he thinks in self-defence, that he didn't know, and he has never thought twice before making jokes like that.
The rest of the day is uneventful. They drink their coffee and chat about some safe, random topics, and Rayane is glad that Nana doesn't ask questions that would be too hard to answer. But to be fair, he would like to ask her some questions too, and not easy ones. He wants to ask why his mother left Sète so abruptly, why she never came back, how she felt about it, why she decided to move to this tiny, sleepy village with just a dozen of houses and gentle hills raising around. He craves so many answers, but he doesn't dare to voice the questions.
When they're done with their coffee, they go back inside where him and Nana cut some fruit for an evening snack, and then they head to a living room to watch her favourite quiz show. It's not at all how he has ever envisioned a good evening to be, but he actually finds himself enjoying it. He can't remember the last time him and his parents just saw down and watch TV together. Because evening at his house were usually filled with tension, and usually ended with screaming matches he tried to mute by putting his headphones and playing music loudly until he'd fall asleep or become numb.
The show ends a bit after 9pm and Nana announces it's a time for her to go and get ready to sleep, but that he can stay up as long as he wants.
"Well, maybe not till the morning, sweetheart." she says, once again touching his hair lovingly before she walks away.
There's something else playing on TV now, but Rayane can't truly register it, lost in his thoughts.
He was so mad when they decided to dump him here. Mad at his dad for sending him away, mad at his mom for not being able to do anything. But mostly, he's hurt. He's hurt, and he's so alone it makes his skin feel thin and aching. He was hiding his truth for so long, until his body felt too small to keep it all bottled in, and when it all came out, it made his already fragile world crash and burn.
At least his mom supported him, her touch and words loving and gentle, but not enough to mute the pain his father has inflicted. Rayane tries not to blame her, knowing first hand how personal hell looked like, but he can't help but feel a tiny bit of resentment towards her, and he hates himself for that. He briefly thinks about calling her; he doesn't have his phone, since his father took it, but Nana has a cordless phone at home. But what would he tell her? And what if his father picked up? The mere thought of hearing his voice makes his insides twist into tight, painful knots, and he knows he can't do it. So he lets his head fall against the coach, his eyes mindlessly watching the screen, on which people seem to have a much happier life than his own.
The next day he wakes up late, after tossing and turning until he heard the first birds singing. He feels like shit, and when he looks into a bathroom mirror, he can confirm he looks like shit as well. He changed into his sweatpants and a soft grey t-shirt before he heads out to the kitchen, where Nana seems to be already on preparing lunch.
"Well hello, sleepyhead." she chuckles, but her expression dims a little with concern when she gets a proper look at his face, "Sweetheart, are you okay? Have you slept at all?"
"I'm okay, don't worry." he reassures her quickly, "I guess I'm not used to all the fresh air. And lack of noise."
She doesn't seem convinced, but she only touches his cheek briefly before ushering him to sit down and eat a sandwich she has prepared him. He is just done with eating when the doorbell rings, and Nana huffs, elbow-deep in the sink while cleaning the dishes.
"Rayane, love, could you get the door?"
"Sure."
The first thing he sees when he opens the front door is a bunch of flowers so big it's basically in his face.
"Good day, Sophie, I was just, oh!" a round face peeks from behind the flowers, and brightens up when she sees Rayane, "Well, hello, young man! Rayane, right? What a handsome boy you are, I hope you will let me in!"
"Of course, yes." Rayane stutters, stepping aside, "Come in."
She has an energetic step despite a slight limp, and she navigates straight to the kitchen, Rayane following her, dumbfounded.
Nana and the smiling stranger exchange loud cheek kisses, and Nana ushers Rayane to sit down again, and before he knows it, he's sitting with two elderly ladies by the table, coffee and cookies spread in front of them.
"So, you've met Rayane already, my lovely grandson." Nana says, and it both feels nice and hurts when she says it, because Rayane doesn't remember the last time someone spoke about him with so much pride in their voice, "Rayane, this is my friend Lili, the neighbour from next door…"
At that, Rayane's senses perk up. He hasn't really thought about his interaction with the boy from yesterday, but now, he's all ears.
"How are you, Lili, how's the leg?" Nana asks, pushing a plate with cookies towards her friend.
"Not that bad, it's my back that is more of an issue now." Lili sighs, but there's still a good-natured smile on her face, "It has been bothering me more recently, I can't really get much further than the store. Which is a shame, because I really would love to go for some longer walks with Jack, I want him to go out just a bit more…"
Now, Rayane's focus is solely on her words.
"How is he? This poor boy." Nana sighs compassionately, and Lili shrugs, a small shadow running through her face.
"I… he doesn't want me to worry. And he doesn't want his family to worry. He's such a sweet thing, but I don't know how to help him."
"What about his family?"
"They call every day, and plan to visit as often as possible. But they're in a tight spot, so we will see how it goes. You know, his mom, Audrey, bless her soul, she's a daughter of my distant cousin… She's the loveliest, but she has so much on her head. And Jack, he's… he's so lovely, but in so much struggle. Ah, I'm sorry." Lili runs her hand down her face, "I don't want to get emotional. So, Rayane!" she turns to look at him, "How do you find it here? Do you like it?"
"It's…" he needs a moment to find proper words, "It's much different from Paris. But I like it here a lot." even if it feels a bit like a lie, he won’t let them know.
"That's great." Lili smiles at him broadly, "Sophie was so excited to have you here, I'm so glad! I've heard you look a lot like your mom."
There's bitterness rising in Rayane's throat, emotions so strong he would probably lash out from desperation to release them if it was anyone else but this sweet older lady. So he smiles and takes a long sip of coffee before he speaks again.
"If you ever require help with groceries, please let me know, I'd be happy to help.
"Isn't he the sweetest?" Lili coos to Nana, and they launch into a conversation Rayane isn't able to follow that much, too involved in trying to get a hold on his many complicated feelings, swirling chaotically inside his head.