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The last few days were nothing but a blur of blood and violence, a world wholly unfamiliar to Amame. It felt like a dream… no a nightmare. It was definitely a nightmare. How could this be real? She wasn’t a killer, a murderer. She felt bad killing a fly, let alone a human being. And yet…
She had killed someone. No matter how much she didn’t want to believe it, it didn’t change what she had done. And whatever her reasons, it didn’t matter. She had taken a life. A life of an insane, manipulative serial killer, but a life nonetheless.
And because of her actions, she was currently sitting in a jail cell six levels above ABIS. The man in the lab coat, she thought she heard Mizuki refer to him as Pewter, had escorted her to the cell. As they left, the entire room had been in a panic with Mizuki, Date, and Bibi planning their route to the stadium.
She didn’t know what happened afterwards, but she certainly hoped they were all ok. She didn’t want her actions to get any more people hurt. Not when she had already caused so much pain.
Shoma, her mom, Iris, and Gen, they’d all be hurt once the truth came out. Not because of what she did, but what would happen.
Amame wasn’t stupid, she’d spend a significant amount of time in prison, maybe even the rest of her life. And that was if she wasn’t given the death penalty. Though considering the person she killed was a serial killer himself, the death sentence wasn’t likely, but it was still possible.
No matter what the sentence was ultimately, in the end she’d hurt the people closest to her, the ones she loved. Her mom depended on her for help, she couldn’t afford their apartment on just her salary. And Shoma was finishing up high school, getting ready to head to university. He’d gotten scholarships, unsurprisingly, but it wasn’t a full ride. He’d still have to pay for books and he’d need a new laptop for his coursework. All things their mom wouldn’t be able to afford on top of all the household bills and rent.
Then there was Iris. She was so lucky to have a best friend like her, the type of girl that always had her back. She’d be so disappointed when she found out what she’d done.
Gen would forgive her, no question there. But what would he do when she was locked away? He had such a hard time making friends and trusting others, she was afraid this would make it worse.
And if all of that wasn’t enough, they’d worry about her too. Worry about her safety, her health, her mental stability. Amame had never been in trouble like this before, she’d never done anything wrong in her life. Besides lying about her age, but even then it was for a good reason. If her family didn’t need every single yen she made, she never would have done it.
It’s not like she enjoyed working late at night and at a maid café of all places. Not that Sunfish Pocket was terrible, and as far as maid cafés went, it was better than most, but still. She would have given anything to have just enjoyed her high school years alongside Iris and Kizuna, having fun and going to the mall or arcades or the park. Or getting to join a club after school. She really envied her two friends for that.
Instead she was all but forced to do something more to help her family. Working late and getting little sleep just to get by. Sometimes even skipping school to pick up an extra shift if there was a really bad month with the household bills.
It wouldn’t have been as bad if Shoma’s robotics hadn’t cost so much. But he had a dream and both her parents already had so much strain on them financially, she couldn’t put that on them too. Not that Shoma ever knew where the money truly came from. He always thought their father bought the parts and because of their strained relationship, he never said anything to the older man.
And of course her father thought her mom bought everything, but their relationship was even more strained, so he certainly wouldn’t ask her. And it made for the perfect situation for Amame to continue hiding what she was doing.
Not that it made any difference now. No, she had screwed up epically and her actions had destroyed everything she built. Shoma would be forced to get a job while finishing high school, just like she had been, to even continue to afford his projects. Her mom would likely have to get a second job to afford the remainder of the rent. And who knew what would actually happen to her dad’s apartment. Shoma almost assuredly would have to move in with their mom, he’d never be able to afford that place by himself.
Because after their dad’s death, there was nothing. He had very little in savings and only enough life insurance to cover the burial. So that left Amame working herself to the bone to keep paying for her dad’s apartment so she didn’t have to completely uproot Shoma and also paying a portion of the rent for her mom’s place. Not that Shoma or her mom had any idea that she was the one covering the full rent for the apartment. She told them both that there had been a much bigger life policy set aside specifically to cover the housing, and that he had left her in charge of those funds. Nothing was ever questioned except the few times Shoma had asked for a little bit of the money for more parts. That just meant Amame had to work even harder that particular month.
At least she managed to take advantage of the apartment and would stay there with Shoma from time to time, though he honestly seemed to prefer being alone when he could. Their mom had offered numerous times for him to come and live back home, but he always refused. She had to wonder if he knew the truth how quickly he would change his mind and move back in. Not that she would ever burden him with that guilt.
Or she wouldn’t have. He’d definitely be finding out in a few weeks tops when the rent wasn’t paid and there was no mysterious bank account to pull funds from. If she wasn’t such a coward she’d tell him when he came to visit, but that conversation was bound to be difficult enough without adding money problems into it. Especially since she was certain he’d probably come with their mom and she didn’t want to worry either of them any more than they already would be.
It had been hard on Shoma when their parents divorced. He blamed their dad for driving their mom away, but he also blamed their mom for not sticking around. It was all so black and white to him, he truly didn’t understand that it wasn’t as simple as he was making it out to be in his head.
Sure, she didn’t want her parents to divorce either, but at the same time, she could see their marriage was over for several years. They didn’t get along and argued constantly in hushed tones that they hoped their children wouldn’t hear. But Amame always did.
The divorce was practically a relief to her, but at the same time the anxiety of it all was almost too much to bare. She was pretty much made to choose who she would live with immediately, a decision that she had agonized over then and even more for the past six years. How could she not?
If she had chosen to live with her father, how different would things have been? She micro analyzed every decision she had made that could have possibly saved her dad’s life. No wonder when presented with the opportunity to kill the man that haunted her dreams and every single waking moment she took it.
He took her father from her and every significant life event they could have shared. He never got to watch her graduate high school. He wasn’t there when she turned twenty and entered adulthood. He didn’t buy her first drink. He’d never…see her fall in love. He’d never walk her down the aisle and give her away. He’d never share her father daughter dance with her.
Amame felt the tears prick the back of her eyes, her chest tightening painfully. But they refused to fall. She wasn’t sure when, but over the course of the years they had all but dried up. Every time she felt herself ready to cry and finally let the flood gates loose, her anger would take over, burning away whatever remnants were left.
Her anger and thoughts of revenge were the only things that kept her going during those dark six years. And what did she have now? The source of that was gone. Her purpose and what kept her going, was gone. The man that murdered her father was dead, by her own hand. She had been turned into a criminal, a murderer her own self. Even in death Tearer still managed to take everything from her. First he took her family, then her happiness, and finally her freedom.
And for what? Some crazy ideal of a perfect world presented by group of religious zealots that believed nothing was real and they all lived in a simulation? It sounded like a plot of a movie, not something that people would be willing to give their actual lives for.
None of it mattered though. Tearer was dead. Tokiko was dead. Hopefully that would also spell the beginning of the end for Naix too. Because if it didn’t, she was afraid more people could possibly be hurt like her family if another person that wanted to tear apart the simulation came along.
“Amame? Are you hungry?”
Amame looked up slowly, coming out of her thoughts and turning her gaze through the bars of the cell. Standing there, perfectly wrapped sandwich in hand, was Pewter. He must have taken care of whatever he needed to back in that room with all the computers and come back. How long had she actually been sitting there feeling sorry for herself? She didn’t think it had been that long, but…
“Amame?”
“I’m not very hungry,” she said softly. “But thank you.”
“Well, I’ll leave it here in case you get hungry later,” he said as he reached through the bars and gently set it down on a small shelf attached to the wall. “It’s not gourmet dining by any means, but the cafeteria here isn’t terrible. Though if this isn’t to your liking, you can always ask one of the officers to call me up here and I’ll get you something different.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?” She was honestly confused by his generosity. She didn’t know him, had never met him before yesterday when she had been brought in by Ryuki. But seeing her two days in a row shouldn’t be enough to endear him to her like this.
“What you did, it was for someone you love, no?”
Amame was even more confused now, with him answering a question with a question. And what an odd question at that. It was true, but what difference did it make?
Slowly, as if unsure that she should truly reveal this vulnerable bit of information, she nodded her head. She felt the tears again, just beyond reach but ever closer to breaking the edge.
“I know how you feel. I…did something once for someone I loved dearly. And it cost me everything.”
“How? You’re out there and I’m in here.”
“It wasn’t so long ago that I sat right where you are, scared out of my mind of what was to come. I did some things I’m not proud of, things I would change if I could. But no matter how much you want it, no matter how much you might wish for it, you can’t change the past. The only thing you can do is move forward and learn from your mistakes.”
“Well, obviously it worked out for you. You’re not in prison and you seem like you have a pretty decent job. How can I possibly move forward?”
Pewter seemed to think on those words, turning his eyes to stare at the wall. He was quiet for a few moments before he spoke again. “I was lucky. I had someone in my corner that fought for me with everything in her. I owe her everything and I’ve done my best throughout the years to try to repay her generosity.”
“That’s great for you, but I don’t have that. I can’t even afford a lawyer to fight for me, let alone anyone else. You seem really nice, but we’re not the same. Our situations are different and I don’t have a bright future waiting for me even if I ever get to walk around as a free woman again. So thanks for the sandwich and the talk, but I’d really like to be left alone now.”
“You know, the best way I can truly honor the gift my friend has given me, is to fight for someone else. To repay what she did and do what I can to help someone in a very similar situation to what I found myself in.”
“I’m pretty sure you didn’t have murder charges against you.”
“No, I didn’t. But you were also taken against your will by the man that murdered your father and two other people. To say that what you did was self defense and that you feared for your life isn’t that much of a stretch.”
Amame was all but speechless. Again, why did he want to help her? Why was he all but laying out the perfect defense for her in the coming days? “Why? What do you have to gain from this?”
“Nothing. I just want to help you.”
Amame rolled her eyes at that. “Men never just want to help.”
Pewter barked out a laugh, surprising Amame so much she jumped to her feet. Really? He thought this was funny? “Hey! What-”
“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have laughed like that, it was rude, but you took me off guard. It’s just so funny that you’d imply…” he broke off in another fit of laughter.
“I still don’t see why you think this is funny.” She crossed her arms over her chest and tried to muster up a glare, but even she could tell it lacked any conviction.
“You’re implying that I’d want something from you because the other men in your lives have. Well, I’m a little different than most of them I’m sure. I’m gay, so maybe you can feel a little better that this isn’t some way of me trying to get you to owe me.”
Amame felt rather silly now, immediately deflating as the anger left her body. She had all but accused him of being a pervert just because Date also worked for ABIS and was one of the biggest ones she had ever met. Seriously, who was that obsessed with hip bones?
But because of that, she figured the entire department must be full of perverts too. And here she was insulting the one person that was actually trying to help her.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t even know you, you didn’t deserve that accusation.”
“It’s alright. I’ve certainly been called far worse in my life. It’s water under the bridge.”
“So, are you serious about actually wanting to help me?”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“I believe I already answered this, but it’s because you remind me of myself. I did something horrible in the heat of the moment all because I thought I was helping the man I love. Instead, he had been dead the entire time and only after I committed various crimes did I find out that valuable piece of information. But unfortunately, being regretful didn’t save me from a prison sentence. Boss, the woman in red you met downstairs, she fought to get me out and get my job back. And if there is anyway I can do that for you, someone far more deserving of freedom than I am, I want to. You don’t deserve a life behind bars.”
Amame blinked rapidly, feeling her throat start to close up and the telltale burning of her eyes. She refused to cry, refused to shed any more tears because of Tearer.
Pewter pulled a small packet of tissues from the pocket of his lab coat, holding them through the bars for her to take. She hesitated a moment and then took them, simply holding them and refusing to open the package. If she took one out, she was afraid that was all it would take.
“It’s ok to cry you know. I won’t think any less of you for getting out what you obviously need to.”
Amame’s voice shook and she uttered, “But a mermaid has no tears, and therefor she suffers so much more.”
Pewter smiled sadly, taking a step forward and holding his left hand through the cell, keeping it there like an invitation. She took two hesitant steps until she was also at the bars. She looked down at his hand and then met his eyes, slowly extending her right and taking his left. He squeezed her hand gently, the tiny gesture reassuring and for a moment making Amame feel like maybe, just maybe, she would be ok.
“‘O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note
To drown me in thy sisters flood of tears.
Sing, Siren, for thyself, and I will dote.’”
And in that instant, standing in a jail cell and holding the hand of a man dressed like a mad scientist, the world falling apart around her, Amame let the tears fall. They burned white-hot trails down her cheeks, refusing to stop now that she let them out.
The broken cries came next, tearing through her throat and sounding pathetic even to her own ears. It was like she was a child, pulling in deep gasps of air and doing everything she could to quiet the noises she was making.
“It’s ok, I’ll help you, I promise.”
And somehow she knew he would. She didn’t know exactly how, just that for some reason she could trust this virtual stranger that seemed much more like her than she originally thought. And that would be enough. It had to be.
For the first time in six years, Amame finally gave into her feelings, letting out everything she had held in for so long. Someone else could be strong for once, she had been the unyielding, suffering mermaid for long enough.