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Kaveh is tired.
He is so tired, but at the same time, he’s terrified.
The weight of unabating exhaustion is unbearably heavy on his shoulders as he sits on the metal railings that compose the floor of his apartment’s fire escape. He’s curled up into himself – his legs are pulled to his chest with his arms linked around them, and he has his chin resting on his knees. His eyes flutter shut every now and again–slumber threatening to overtake him–but the chilly midnight air periodically grazes against his face and forces him away from the state of unconsciousness until the cycle repeats.
Truth be told, Kaveh doesn’t really know how long he’s been out here. The minutes have begun to blur together into an unclear string of time that has been filled with daunting flashes of images that he remembers from the dream–or rather nightmare–that he awoke from.
It was so vivid and evocative that it had him confused about his whereabouts when he woke up with sobs caught in his throat. In his dream, time was slowed, but he was rooted to the spot where he was forced to watch his father spin into a fatal car crash like he had all those years ago. He knows that if he screamed in real life the way he had in his nightmare, he wouldn’t be able to talk for days .
These nightmares are not necessarily foreign to him. While their appearances are not frequent or often in nature, that doesn’t mean that he is unaffected every time he has to endure them. To say that would be far from the truth, actually, because it is safe to say that he gets shaken up afterwards. It leads to times like the present moment – him sitting up somewhere and trying his best to stay awake. He doesn’t want to fall asleep and see the things that haunt him to seemingly no end.
Kaveh sniffles quietly and wipes away at his eyes. A lingering thought in his mind tells him to go inside because he’s going to get sick from crying outside in low temperatures, but he cannot find it in himself to move.
He stares straight ahead at the towering building across the street and gets so wrapped up in its different elements that he doesn’t hear the soft creak of the window directly behind him opening.
“What are you doing out here so late?”
Kaveh practically jumps at the voice as he whips his head around to find his roommate, Alhaitham, leaning on the windowsill and peering at him curiously.
“Nothing,” Kaveh murmurs, and he has to turn away to spare himself from embarrassment when Alhaitham’s brows raise slightly at the quality of his voice. The fact that he’s been crying is painfully obvious. In an attempt to veer away from talking about himself, Kaveh inquires, “Why are you awake?”
“I just happened to wake up,” Alhaitham responds. Kaveh can feel those calculating teal eyes of his burning holes into the back of his head as the man then asks, “What about you?”
After a second to think about his response, the blonde says, “I wanted to clear my head.”
It’s not a lie, but he’s certainly trying to evade the full truth. Something within him tells him that Alhaitham would rather not hear about his problems, so he keeps it to himself.
“Are you… alright?”
If Kaveh's mood wasn't so down and the situation was lighter, the hesitance in Alhaitham's voice would be laughable. Right now, however, he’s not exactly sure what to make of it. Before he can give a simple yes or no, he finds himself blurting out, “I can’t tell if you really care or if you just feel obligated to ask.”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t care,” Alhaitham replies immediately. Kaveh supposes there’s truth in that – it makes sense and his roommate is not typically one to lie about things. A small bout of silence passes in their conversation, fueled by the fact that Alhaitham is waiting on a response.
“I’m fine,” Kaveh finally states.
“Can I sit with you?”
“Alhaitham, I said I’m–”
“I know,” Alhaitham says. “You’re fine. I didn’t say you weren’t, I was asking if I could come out there.”
Kaveh turns around to look back at Alhaitham. There’s a subtle frown on the blonde’s face because he’s fully aware that Alhaitham doesn’t believe him, but can he truly be mad about that? The truth is that he’s not alright, and this is something they can both easily tell.
This truth is also what has Kaveh agreeing. He figures that maybe having a little company in a time like this wouldn’t be all that bad.
“Yeah,” Kaveh mumbles softly just as he sniffles again. He has to scoot forward a bit as Alhaitham climbs through the window and takes a seat next to him, allowing his legs to dangle where the stairs lead to the level below them. Given that the area is not that spacious and the two men are not exactly the smallest, their shoulders brush as they settle into spots where they are satisfied.
They sit in silence for a while. Kaveh had supposed maybe it would be a soothing quiet, but as the moments pass on, it becomes anything but. There is a summery warmth that blooms and flourishes within Kaveh exactly where his shoulder is pressed to Alhaitham’s, but it does little to comfort him once he spares his nightmare a thought.
Before he knows it, there are tears gathering in his eyes again, and he draws in a shuddering breath in an attempt to keep them at bay.
This catches Alhaitham’s attention. Softly, he asks, “Kaveh?”
“I… had a nightmare,” the blonde breathes shakily. Even though he thought earlier that Alhaitham wouldn’t care, he finds himself speaking about what happened. “I saw my dad die right in front of my eyes and I couldn’t do anything about it. And even though I never saw it happen in actuality, it felt so... so real , I…”
To his side, there's a tentative pause from Alhaitham, and a feeling of guilt immediately seeps into his bones and makes him feel like shit for suddenly unloading like that. He rubs his eyes before quickly adding, “But I-I’m fine, it’s fine . Sorry, I should’ve just kept quiet.”
“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for,” Alhaitham murmurs assuredly with the shake of his head. Kaveh looks over to meet his gaze, and when he does, swimming in the man’s eyes is genuine concern paired with sincerity. “I’m sorry you dreamt of that. I understand what it’s like.”
The statement confuses Kaveh for a split second, but he then remembers the fate of Alhaitham’s parents and how they passed away when he was just a little boy. It makes him realize that Alhaitham truly understands him in this moment, and he feels heard because of it. He feels seen.
“How did you deal with the dreams?” Kaveh inquires quietly.
“I didn’t, really,” Alhaitham responds, glancing away. A few seconds pass before he adds, “But looking back, I know that having someone by my side would have been a great help.”
Alhaitham looks back up at Kaveh, and the instant their eyes meet, an unspoken agreement resonates in both of their minds. It is one that says Alhaitham is willing to be that person for Kaveh – he’s willing to comfort him and simply be there when those unnerving, lucid nightmares rattle him to the core.
It doesn’t come as a shock to either of them when Kaveh rests his head on Alhaitham’s shoulder. A faint, floral scent fills his senses as Alhaitham wraps an arm around him, and that along with the sheer warmth that his roommate radiates has Kaveh pressing himself closer.
For a few minutes, they remain exactly like this, and the chilly air that brushes against their faces is heavily outweighed by the heat and comfort that they provide to each other. The consoling silence is only broken when Alhaitham finally speaks up.
“Are you tired?” he questions softly.
“Yeah,” Kaveh responds truthfully just before he stifles a yawn. The sleepiness is getting to him, but… “I just… I’m scared to go to sleep.”
He thinks that maybe it sounds a bit silly, but he knows that Alhaitham likely gets his reasoning for his reluctance to go to bed.
“Would it help if I were there?”
The blonde lifts his head so he can get a view of Alhaitham as he voices, “You don’t have to do that.”
“I know.”
When nothing further is said, Kaveh comes to the conclusion that Alhaitham is truly offering. He really thinks about the question – would it help?
His immediate answer is yes. Knowing that someone would be there if he were to wake up and find himself in the same situation brings him solace. It gives him peace of mind to know that he’s not alone – to know that no matter how dark things get, someone is there .
So, he quietly replies, “Yeah, it would…”
After his confirmation, they find themselves crawling back through the window into the familiar expanse of their apartment. Kaveh’s heart may or may not skip a beat when Alhaitham takes his hand and leads him to the man’s room. In the dark, Kaveh can’t tell much, but he does recognize that the space Alhaitham owns is neat. Few things, if any, are astray or out of place, but the area of his still appears very lived-in.
Alhaitham lies down before tugging Kaveh with him. In the first few seconds, things are a bit… awkward as they try to find out how to position themselves. When they figure it out, though, everything feels settled and they feel satisfied.
With his head on Alhaitham’s chest and an arm wrapped securely around his upper body, Kaveh sleepily mumbles, “…Thank you for this.”
“Of course,” Alhaitham responds. Where his hand rests on Kaveh’s upper arm, he draws gentle, soothing circles on the man’s skin with his thumb. After a content sigh, he says, “Good night, Kaveh.”
“…G’night, Alhaitham.”
As Kaveh drifts into a deep slumber, he feels more at ease than he’s ever been after a nightmare.
And for that, he is so incredibly thankful.