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Octavia, unlike most of her friends, is actually good at life. Which is why it's so unfair that she's the single one. Seriously, Monty has a boyfriend, Clarke has a boyfriend, Jasper has been sort of flirting with someone. Bellamy has a girlfriend, and Bellamy is the least emotionally competent person Octavia has ever met. At least when it comes to his own emotions.
Really, it's just that they're all doing relationships on easy mode, going out with people in their actual social circles whom they see regularly. If Lincoln was in her peer group, Octavia would have locked that down in under a week. Instead, he is a grad student who lives off-campus, which means that she never sees him outside of his visits to the library.
Clarke thinks she should just ask him out, but that's because Clarke does not understand that dating is not a real thing. Octavia has never seen a successful relationship that started with two people who didn't know each other going on official outings until they developed feelings for each other. They might happen, but she kind of doubts it.
And that's the problem with Lincoln. Octavia wants to get to know him in an organic (or at least semi-organic) way, but it's just not in the cards. Facebook was supposed to be her breakthrough, but it turns out Lincoln is one of those people who is only technically on Facebook, like Bell. But unlike Bellamy, Lincoln does not have friends who tag him in pictures and statuses to make him easier to stalk. Instead, he's just never active and has entered no useful personal information, like part-time jobs or class schedules or anything.
It's like he doesn't want random freshmen to be able to follow him around or something.
"Doesn't he still come to the library?" Clarke asks. She's playing one of Bell's video games while Bell advises her on how not to die. It's cute, mostly. It's impossible not to be happy for them, because Clarke is awesome and Bell adores her, but it's a little hard too, losing her roommate and her brother at the same time. Not that they're lost, not really, but--well, it's not the same. Clarke still hangs out with her, but she never sleeps in their room anymore, and she and Bellamy haven't really figured out how they're going to interact in college yet. They're sort of part of the same social group and sort of not, but he's more tied to her friends by Clarke than he is by her. Which is--different.
She'd never really expected to be struggling to fit in at college, but she kind of is. A little bit.
"He does," she tells Clarke. "But he hasn't changed his timing or anything, so--"
"Why would he change his timing?" Bell asks. "Materia in the bottom left."
"I saw it," says Clarke, and takes her weird pixel dude over to pick up a weird pixel circle. Octavia is great at video games. "And he knows Octavia gets off shift at five, so if he wanted to walk out with her--"
Bellamy rubs his face. "You do not want to date a guy who rearranges his schedule to stalk you," he tells Octavia.
"Not everyone can find someone who sits in his room all the time with his door open having no life," she says, sticking her tongue out at him. "The rest of us have to work at spending time with the people we like."
"That sounds terrible." He kisses Clarke's shoulder. "Thanks for living here."
"Any time."
Octavia rolls her eyes. "Whatever. Some of us like a challenge. It's going to be so much more satisfying when I win him over. Like I really accomplished something."
But it's Clarke who actually gives her her first real lead, so she has to admit, she's maybe not as good at this whole thing as she thought.
The Monday before Thanksgiving, Clarke texts, @ new coffeeshop, guess who works here!! and then a grainy picture of Lincoln behind the counter in a dorky apron. He should not look as good as he does, all things considered.
did bell see him, she texts back. A lack of capitals is an artistic choice, okay? She is an artist. Unlike Bellamy, who just doesn't use capital letters because he's lazy and still has a flip phone.
The little ellipsis that indicates Clarke is typing is up for way longer than Octavia is comfortable with. Finally, she responds, He's being very normal.
i am going to murder him in his sleep
As long as you let me live, sure. She must think better of it, because she adds, It's fine. He's just kind of glaring. It's hard to even tell it's at Lincoln.
oh good
Anyway, I asked when he worked here and he said most afternoons, so, just FYI.
Octavia has to admit, Clarke is a pretty decent wingman, when she wants to be.
*
Octavia doesn't go to the coffee shop the next day. Instead, she goes on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, when most everyone else is off campus. Clarke left last night, and Octavia and Bellamy packed up a few essentials and headed over to Roma's house, which everyone else has vacated for the holiday.
It used to be that Bell would come down to Florida for breaks, so he could spend them with her, but it turns out neither of them care that much about hanging out with her dad, so it feels like a waste of gas. But she hadn't really realized until they started planning for Thanksgiving that her brother is basically homeless; he had no reason to waste money keeping the apartment where they grew up, so he just lives in the dorms in the school year and random other places when they're closed.
Luckily, his friends don't want their house over breaks anyway, so they're set. In a weird, semi-nomadic way.
(Clarke had invited them to Michigan, of course, but since that involved both getting to Michigan and then being in Michigan, Octavia passed. Bell is just scared of Clarke's mom, she's pretty sure.)
Finding out if Lincoln is still on campus is important recon work; if he is, there's a lot of great conversation they can have about where he's from, why he isn't there, and his Christmas plans. If he's not, she knows he probably won't be around for Christmas either, and that changes her timeline.
"Are all girls this creepy?" Bell asks. He's playing video games in his pajamas and texting Clarke, which means he is doing basically exactly what he does when it's not vacation, except Clarke isn't physically present.
"Remember how you broke up Finn and Clarke, and then Finn and Raven, just so Finn really got the extra fuck you message?" she asks, bright.
"That is not how that happened," Bellamy grumbles. "I was trying to help! I was helping Wick!"
"Uh huh." She pats him on the head. "I'm just saying, everyone is kind of creepy when they're trying to figure out if someone likes them. It's only bad if the other person isn't interested and you don't back off. Like, if Clarke had come into your room all the time and you didn't want her to. That's gross. But you liked her, so it's fine. If Lincoln isn't interested, I'll back off. I've got this, okay?"
"You're terrifying," he says. "Have fun."
As she hoped, the shop is fairly quiet, and Lincoln is behind the counter, looking almost comically huge. She really wants to see him holding one of those super tiny espresso cups, it would look like doll food.
He lights up when he sees her, she's very sure. There's definite brightening.
"Hello, Octavia."
"Hey. Clarke told me you had an excellent job with excellent coffee, so I figured I'd stop by."
"You're not going home for the holiday?"
"I live here. As much as I live anywhere." He raises his eyebrows, and she smiles. "It's just me and my brother, really. Clarke's boyfriend, you probably saw him, they're kind of joined at the hip. Curly black hair, perpetually grumpy."
"Oh," says Lincoln, with an expression like he's calculating something.
Octavia takes pity on him. "Different dads. His was Filipino, which is why he's--"
"Ah." He rubs the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. It's the same way for me and my brother, so I should be used to it."
"You were fine, I wasn't offended. You have a brother?"
"A half-brother. My parents divorced when I was ten, and my mother remarried a few years later. He's fifteen years younger than I am and white, so it's very confusing for people who see us together."
Octavia smiles. "But you're not going home to see him?"
"They're with his father's family in Arizona. I've never felt like--" He trails off, clearly a little embarrassed. "They're his family, not mine."
Octavia nods. Lots of people hate awkward family conversations, but she's a big fan. They're a nice litmus test for how she'll get along with people. "That's kind of how it is for us. We could go hang out with my dad, but he wasn't a part of my life until my mom died, and he's never been part of Bell's, so--we're just crashing at his friends' place while they're out of town."
Lincoln nods, and then straightens as some other people come in. "I'm sorry, I should have asked if you wanted a drink."
"Just a large latte would be great, thanks. I'm probably going to hang around and read. It's really nice of Bell's friends to loan us their place, but--it kind of smells like booze and death, honestly."
He lets out a surprised laugh. "Booze and death?"
"I call them like I see them."
"I can see why you'd want to get out." He rings her up and then hits a few more buttons, and the sale zeroes out. "You're all set."
"Oh, you don't--"
He smiles at her. "I am allowed to comp drinks for friends," he says, and she thinks she might actually be glowing. "It should be ready in a minute."
He turns his attention to the couple who just came in, and Octavia takes advantage of the moment to text Clarke: did he comp your drink
What?
lincoln. he gave me free coffee
!!! He did not! He charged me :P
Octavia glances up from her phone, watching Lincoln deal easily with the new customers, a couple girls who clearly think he's just as hot as Octavia does. He smiles and nods and is friendly and professional, as he should be.
But he charges them for their drinks.
She does actually like the coffee shop, which is nice. Spending time here won't be a hardship. And she's definitely going to spend time here.
Her life is possibly just a little bit sad. But Lincoln catches her eye when she's zoning out and offers her a smile, and she smiles back and waves, and she can't bring herself to mind.
*
She's back on Friday, with Bellamy, because he's kind of mopey, even though Clarke has been gone for less than three days and will be back in one more. It is so little separation. Her brother is fucking ridiculous.
Lincoln's working the espresso machine instead of the register, but he still glances up at the sound of the door chime and gives her a smile when he sees her.
Bell is scowling.
"He's really old."
"He's twenty-three and you're a dick."
"I can be a dick and right."
"I'm going to tell Clarke."
"Go ahead. She already knows I'm a dick."
Octavia gives the guy at the register a smile and puts in their order; the guy rings them up and then zeroes it out. "Lincoln said you were all set."
Bellamy is going for his wallet, like he is going to give them money or die trying, even though he is always broke. Octavia drags him away from the register and goes to lean on the counter by the espresso machine. Bellamy is still scowling. "Thanks, Lincoln."
"No problem. Did you have a good Thanksgiving?"
"Yeah, it was nice. Laid back. You?"
"Also good. One of my classmates is local, he invited me to have dinner with him, so I wasn't all alone."
"Cool. This is my brother, by the way. Bellamy, my friend Lincoln."
Bell actually stops glaring, straightens, and shakes Lincoln's hand like a normal person. "Nice to meet you, man."
"Same."
"Thanks for the drink. How do you know Octavia?"
He knows the answer, of course, so maybe this is his inept attempt to wingman her. Or maybe he's just bad at small talk and can't think of anything else. Either way, it's unexpectedly non-horrible.
"From the library. I'm in there a lot."
Bell nods. "Cool. I'm gonna go grab a table," he says. "Get my drink?"
"Will do." She leans on the counter. "So, will you get to see your family for Christmas?"
"For the holiday itself, yes. I'm not taking much of a break. I love them, but--" He considers. Octavia hopes this isn't the part of the conversation where he tells her he's gay or something. "I've never been very close to any of them. Not like you and your brother."
Octavia glances back at Bellamy. "Yeah, I hear we're pretty weird, honestly."
"In a nice way," says Lincoln, and hands her their drinks.
"Are you having actual mood swings?" she asks Bellamy, when she sits down across from him.
"Hm?"
"You went from glaring to, like, nearly friendly. In no time."
"I'm not going to be a dick to his face," Bell says, making Octavia snort.
"Is that a new policy?"
He runs his hand through his hair. "Look, I'm not--I don't keep telling you he's twenty-three because I think he's too old for you. But you might be too young for him. And I don't want him to be all nice and cool and then break your heart because he's, you know." He worries his lip. "He might just think of you as a cute kid, O."
It's weirdly touching, although, honestly, she thinks that glaring probably isn't the right way to deal with the situation. But he's trying, in his way.
"I know. I'm feeling stuff out, okay? I don't want to get hurt either. It's a crush. I know you're shitty at them," she teases, "but they're honestly fun for some people."
"Deranged people," he mutters, and she just grins.
"Like you're one to talk."
*
Between the library and the coffee shop, Octavia usually sees Lincoln at least three times a week. He starts bringing her coffee at the library too, which she and Clarke squeal over while Bellamy mutters about stalkers. Octavia is pretty sure he just wants to feel included and doesn't feel comfortable squealing.
"So, next step is obviously a party," she declares.
"Has your next step ever not been a party?" Monty asks.
"Sometimes there are steps that have to be taken before the party can happen," she says, straightening and affecting the pose of a wise monk. "You must properly prepare for the party, or the party will betray you."
"You have got to get this from your dad's side of the family," says Bellamy.
"See, now I talk to him enough that if I say, oh, we're having a party, you should come, it can still seem casual. But I'm also specifically inviting him, so he knows I like him. And then at the party I am devastatingly smart and charming and he has no chance to survive."
"Were you even alive when that was a meme?" Bell asks.
"I'm cultured, dick. Don't be jealous. Someone had to get the cool genes in the family."
"I'm not convinced anyone did," he mutters. She kicks him and he grins. "What do I have to do for this party? Is it an official dorm party? I'm not getting you booze. You have to get him drunk on your own time, I'm not helping."
"I don't need booze to get me guys. Just invite Roma and the rest of them so he'll feel less old. And play better music than you did last time."
He glances at Clarke. "Not a problem."
"Jasper, you can bring that girl you're trying to flirt with--"
"You're my favorite," says Jasper.
"I'm everyone's favorite. Monty, you and your boyfriend are in?"
"Are you throwing an entire giant party just to see one guy?"
"What if he can't make it?" Clarke asks. "Is it gonna be like that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted keeps having the same party for like three days? Because you don't want to be Ted. Ted is the worst."
"He's like the Finn of that show," Bellamy interjects, and Clarke smacks his shoulder.
"See, this is the beauty of the crush party," says Octavia. "If he can't make it, what he says about why he's not coming is still really useful information. Like, is he sad? What does he have that he can't reschedule? What is he willing to reschedule for me? And, if he doesn't show up and I'm upset, there's a party to cheer me up!"
Jasper is staring at her in awe. "No, seriously. You're my actual hero."
She pats his shoulder. "I know."
*
Octavia has started going to the coffee shop every Tuesday after her English class. She has a regular table, she never pays for drinks, and Lincoln sometimes gives her free cookies. It doesn't mean that he's necessarily into her--she's all too aware of Bellamy's fairly legitimate concerns about Lincoln's feelings about her age, and he might be thinking she is a cute freshman he wants to brother. Although, really, he's seen Bellamy. He knows she has more than enough brothering in her life.
It's pretty busy when she comes in on the Tuesday before the party, so she just picks up her drink and hangs out at her table until it dies down.
Or, well, that's the plan, but she gets engrossed in her reading, so it's Lincoln who comes to her, with a refill and a rag to wipe down tables.
"Are you really allowed to give out this many free drinks?"
"I'll let you in on a secret--these coffees really do not cost this much."
"I feel a little like I'm taking advantage of you, though. I don't want you thinking I just come for the free drinks."
"You're doing me a favor. If no one I know comes in, my shifts are very boring."
"Well, if you want to let me pay you back, we're having an end-of-semester party at my dorm next week. It's alcohol-free because my stupid brother is too lazy to check IDs, but if you bring a flask no one will ever tell."
He laughs, but it sounds a little nervous. "I don't drink, actually."
"Then this is the perfect party for you."
Lincoln looks at her, a little pained, and Octavia's heart plummets. This is when he turns her down. This is when he says--she's too young, or too pushy, or just--he's not interested. There doesn't need to be a deep, profound reason. So he doesn't like her. That's just how it happens sometimes.
"Or it's not, that's cool too," she says quickly. "I won't be offended or anything."
He gives her a wry smile. "No, that's--you just shouldn't feel obligated. To invite me. I appreciate it, but--"
Octavia laughs, a sharp, relieved sound. "Obligated?" she asks. "Lincoln, I like you. I want to hang out with you more. I'd love if you came. We always just see each other when we're at work. I don't even know if you're good at video games."
"I'm terrible," he says, with a small smile.
"Me too, awesome." She beams at him. "So, you should come. Friday. I'll send you a Facebook invite."
He looks a little dazed, which is the correct response to the full force of her smile. "Yes, thank you."
"Thanks for the coffee," she says, raising her cup to him in a mock-toast.
He walks into one of the tables as he leaves, and Octavia grins all the way home.
*
The party theme is whatever we found at Habitat for Humanity for under $100, which means that they sort of threw up some non-denominational sparkly shit and also some mistletoe, because mistletoe is always horrifying. Bellamy gets himself some terrifying Santa sunglasses, which he claims will make his beats sicker, and both Clarke and Octavia say he's never allowed to say either of those words ever again.
"Yeah, okay," says Bellamy, draping his arm over Clarke's shoulder. "Anyway, I'm going to wear these."
"I know," she says, with some despair. "For some reason, I like you anyway."
"My ass," he says, and glances at Octavia. "Other body parts."
Octavia rolls her eyes. "Just you wait. I'm going to be getting laid soon, and I will have my revenge on all of you. You're going to suffer."
She still can't help fretting. Because she still could be wrong about this whole thing, and then she'll be single, and all her friends will be dating each other. And she'll have this whole period of getting over Lincoln and trying to find a new crush and--she really likes Lincoln. He's kind of quiet, but he's one of the nicest guys she's ever met, in a genuine way, not like those guys who wear their niceness like a badge of honor, like being a decent human being entitles them to shit.
The truth is, for all she is confident and knows she's awesome, she's nervous about this, because she's invested.
She likes him.
She catches Bellamy while Clarke is dancing with Monty and Jasper and rests her forehead on his shoulder blade. "What if he doesn't come?" she asks, soft. "Or he comes and he doesn't--"
Bell turns so he can wrap his arms around his shoulder. "Then we'll find his house or apartment or car and egg it. Just, whichever one of those we find first, we egg." Octavia snorts, and Bellamy squeezes her shoulder. "Any guy who doesn't want you isn't worth your time."
"You know that's not how feelings work."
"I know. But it's still true, okay?"
"Yeah."
"Want me to play some hyperactive K-Pop for you?"
"Why do you have hyperactive K-Pop?"
"Monty made the playlist." He presses a sloppy kiss to her temple. "Go have fun. If your guy doesn't show up, he's an idiot, and I will destroy him."
She has to smile. "Thanks, Bell."
She and Monty have had more than one intense K-Pop rock-out, and that's exactly what she needs right now. He twirls her and then she twirls him and they both twirl Jasper, and it's awesome. Octavia doesn't need a boyfriend. She has a vibrator and friends, which is more than enough for now. She's only eighteen. Honestly, the others are the weird ones. Bellamy and Clarke have only been dating for like a month and a half and they're already the most married people she knows. That is not how it's supposed to work.
"So," says Monty, spinning her again. "I haven't met your guy, but Clarke said he was tall and hot and had a sort of mohawk thing, so--I think that might be him."
Octavia is the master of the subtle room scope, so she spots Lincoln at once, tall and a little awkward, scanning the room with somewhat obvious nervousness.
Looking for her.
"That's him," she says.
"Awesome, I approve," says Monty. "Down low." She slaps his hand, out of Lincoln's line of sight. "I'm going to go find Nate. Have fun. There's mistletoe on the way into the kitchen, and the on the back stairwell. Just in case."
"You're the best, Monty."
"Good luck."
Lincoln spots her and breaks out into a smile; Octavia grins back and waves, making her way through the crowd to him.
"You made it!"
"Sorry I'm a little late, I was doing a last-minute study session for the class I'm TAing, it ran a little long. I assumed no one would come to a study session on Friday night, but apparently the final is more frightening than I realized."
"No problem. I'm glad you could come."
He smiles down at her, warm, and says, "I wouldn't have missed it."
Clarke's gone to join Bellamy with his laptop, and she's clearly noticed Lincoln, because when the K-Pop ends something slow starts playing. Clarke is not at all subtle. She at least drags Bellamy out from behind the laptop and makes him dance with her, so it's not like it's totally obvious.
Still, it's clearly a gift, and Octavia would have to be very ungrateful to refuse it.
"So, now that you're here, do you want to dance?" she offers, and he ducks his head to hide his smile.
"I'm not a very good dancer."
"That's fine. I can lead." She takes his hand and tugs him into the group of couples dancing, putting his arms around her waist and hers around his neck. "I thought you had a drama background, doesn't that usually involve dancing?"
"I prefer acting. Or, even better, set design."
"Artist, right."
She guides them around in a slow circle, smiling a little as she feels his hands flutter against his hips. He's definitely nervous. And she is too, a little, in the giddy, excited way. Octavia dated a lot in high school, because guys asked her out and they were hot and she likes sex, but it's been longer since she was really into someone, beyond just aesthetics, and she has a good feeling about Lincoln.
"I don't do this very often," he murmurs.
"Which part?"
"None of it. I'm not very social."
"Why not?"
"A lot of reasons. I'm quiet, and--well, it's a long story."
Octavia considers this as the song winds down, and she takes his hand again to lead him outside. It's chilly, but not too cold, and it's something of a relief after the sweaty mess that was the dance floor.
"You should tell me about you," she says. "More about you."
He ducks his head. "This part isn't a very fun story."
"I don't mind. I can tell you bad stories later. I love bad stories. I can tell you about my mom dying."
"I've never heard anyone sound so upbeat about that," he says, amused. He gazes up at the sky. "I think I told you about the divorce."
"Yeah, you were ten, right?"
He nods. "My mother met my step-father a year after that. He's a good man, I like him, but--his father got sick when I was fourteen, and we moved back to his hometown so he could be closer to his family. And it was very small and conservative and--I didn't fit in at all. I'd never been very outgoing, but--" He gives her a wry smile. "When you look like I do, people don't assume you're quiet because you're shy. Not in a town like that."
Octavia leans her head against his shoulder. "They were all assholes."
He laughs softly. "They were all very prejudiced and not all of them realized it. And a lot of them were assholes," he grants. "I've just--I've never been very good with people. I tend to keep to myself."
"I can leave you alone, if you want."
"No," he says. "I don't want that." There's a pause, and then he takes her hand, lacing their fingers together, and Octavia squeezes back.
"We can stay out here for a while. I know parties get loud."
"You'll get cold."
She grins. "You really don't do this a lot. If you're outside with a pretty girl and she gets cold, that's good for you. You can keep me warm. And you don't have a coat, so you're just going to have to hold me. You should not be arguing with this."
"I did tell you I wasn't very good at this," he says, warm and amused. "But I do--I like you, Octavia."
"I like you too." She squeezes his hand again. "And it's fine. Like I said, I can lead."
*
She goes into the coffee shop on Monday, right at five-fifty, ten minutes before Lincoln gets off shift. He gives her a big smile and starts fiddling with the steamer, but she shakes her head.
"I don't want a drink. I'm here to pick you up."
"Oh?"
"Yup. Do you have plans after this?"
"For once, no. But you probably shouldn't do this often. If classes were still going, I would have TA obligations."
"Well, lucky me. I'm taking you out on a date."
He laughs. "That's very progressive of you."
"I'm always willing to work for what I want."
"And you want me."
"I want you."
His smile is even better, now that she knows he likes her too. Now that it's really for her. "I'll be done in ten minutes," he says.
Octavia grins back. "Cool. I'll be here."