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An uncomfortable silence always filled the halls of the council room, it was a constant. The walls, a rough concrete and the floors a smoother concrete, with the industrial lighting, the place almost looked like a morgue. It looked like the kind of place to be infected with black mold and have suspicious stains on the floors. The entire place was like a murder scene waiting to happen. It was only a matter of time until-
“WATCH OUT!” a childish yell followed by poor Caja getting hit in the face by a rainbow flag.
Oh yeah, did I forget to mention it was pride month in the council? Caja ripped the pride flag off their face angrily.
“YOU COULDN'T JUST BRING THEM DOWN IN A MINUTE? You hate me-” Caja almost finished their signature phrase before they got hit in the face with yet another flag. The culprit in green glasses fell into the room at full speed
“Sorry Caja! But we gotta get the council ready for pride month! I got flags and scarfs and GLITTER BOMBS!” Kai chucked a bomb towards the doorway hitting Bridge straight in the face
“Ew you gays need to keep your rainbow stuff in check.” Bridge spoke, covered in glitter and in a giant rainbow scarf
“Classic homophobia Bride!” Deburrah said smugly, twirling loraxs cane in lers green suit. Once was always acting like this.
“CATCH IT DEBURRAH!” Kai yeeted a giant stack of pride banners in loraxs direction
“YOU GET A GAY! AND YOU GET A GAY! AND YOU GET A FUCKING GAY!” Kai screeched yeeting pride sheep in every direction “EVEN YOU GET A GAY MISTER ONCELER!”
“How baaaaaaah-d can I be?” the onceler spoke, holding loraxs tiny green sheep, dancing in a gayish manner.
“I WOKE UP IN A NEW BUGATTI” Polly slides in on heelies with the rainbow lights, grabbing a pride flag and performed a fortnite dance upon their exit.
George Washington break danced into the council room, head to toe in a lorax costume, bringing a bouquet of tiny fuzzy trees to their true love, Deburrah. He proceeded to perform an intricate dance to the song “ All the single ladies” and give Deburrah a ring pop causing a round of disembodied applause.
“EW GAYS!” Bridge began to hit the two with a broom
“BRIGGED WHY CANT YOU BE SUPPORTIVE OF ME AND GEORGIE-POO, I’D MARRY HIM WITH PAPER RINGS” The onceler said, dabbing in between each word.
All of a sudden, the kool-aid man broke through the wall, speaking words of wisdom
“Oh yeah.”
“So true Kool-aid man, so true.” Kai said, swinging upon a potato on a ceiling fan.
Caja was snorting crushed up candy hearts, they then proceeded to sneeze an atomic sneeze so powerful that they teleported everyone into a wedding venue.
Deburrah tied loraxs hair up, onceler was not like any of the other girls. Lorax wasn’t going to wear a white wedding gown, intread a sparkly green one with sequins and a pair of converse.
“Who says I cannot wear my converse with my dress!” Deburrah hit the griddy over to the front of the venue. Bridge was supporting their trademarked homophobic but gay look. Kai, onceler's child, was in full Lafayette cosplay harassing everyone from Hamilton.
Caja dressed in what looked like someone had sneezed a rainbow onto them- oh wait thats what happened.
Polly didn’t bother to show up.
Chrym is curled up in a corner crying.
Celery was the stunning flowerperson, but instead of flowers it was taxes for the poor to pay, and coincidentally Celery is also the priest. Someone very important was missing.
And Mark from the room was also in the crowd? Holding hands with the Kool-Aid Man?
An instrumental version of heat waves began to play as George Washington strolled down the isle in a beautiful white dress. Over the music, every few beats there would be a yell of “Here comes the general. Rise up.” Tears filled the crowd as George Washington made it to the front of the venue.
“You may begin with the vows-”
“Hold on, I need to go to the restroom.” The Onceler said, making loraxs way off to the side.
The sound of whatever horrifying combination of dairy Deburrah had consumed was heard through the entire venue. Then silence. All of a sudden, Kai’s phone read out a notification.
“Poop Map notification: Deburrah released the kraken: 2 out of 5 stars, it was extremely hard to release the unholy bowel moviments in this green dress. Here’s a photo:”
No words could describe the look of horror on Kai’s face, this moment would be forever scarred in their memory.
Deburrah returned to the front of the venue and began their vows.
“Georgy-worgy shmoopie poo, I want your smogulous smoke, schloppity shlop, You make me question how truly bad can I be. This relationship has been all so gratifying. You make my ever-loving world go round. And you know what, everyone you take care of yours and I’ll take care of mine, mine mine mine mine.” Deburrah spoke, full of sincerity.
“Deburrah-wurrah shbabypoo-pie, I am in love with the shape of you, so darling, kiss me slow, your heart is all I own. You are my bad habits, and my late nights lead to you. All men may have been created equal, yet you are above them all. You are my life, my liberty and my pursuit of happiness. I would lead an entire nation to revolution for you. You make me helpless. History isn’t the only one with eyes on you.When your mouth is on mine, I do not say no. I remember that night, when I asked you to take a break and run away with me for a night, asked you on a date. You outshine the morning sun, Deburrah. Hey, best of wives and best of oncelers.”
All of the wedding guests had teared up at their words.
“Does anyone object to this marriage? Speak now or forever hold your sheep” Celerine declared “ You may now kiss the onceler-”
“I OBJEEEEEEEH-CT “ Lord Farquad baah’d from the crowd. “ Georgy Worgy, Deburrah-woorba, I wanna be your right hand man. Love doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints, and you both make me so helpless.”
Lord Farquad made his way up to the stage, holding the right hands of George Washington and Deburrah.
“You both may now kiss the Onceler”
I'll save you the details of that most likely horrifiying imagery, and because I don't want to think of the logical way tiny Lord farquaad could kiss the tall George Washington.
Cheers erupted from the gay old crowd as Kai rushed up to hug their new co-parents.
Happily ever heatwaves (I’m so sorry)