Work Text:
Steve would often find himself choking on the words swimming around in his heart, collecting weight on his chest. He found it especially ironic when we lead a support group after the blip for those to have their outlet, reducing the weight that causes cracks in their hearts, and even though it would take a few sessions for some people to be able to speak freely, he envied the freedom they felt within themselves, their strength. That's not to say he wasn't open, he was open and honest about his loss and the weight it's held in his life, how he moved on and continues to do so, still the most important words continued to be buried.
He never thought it much of a problem, because as time went on, some things were better left unsaid and he could move on without saying them, still they held place deep in his heart. He thought that even with the weight he was carrying, he could still move on.
And he was moving on.. well, he was getting on with it. It was fine, really.
Well, at least he felt fine, until he saw Tony for the first time in years and the words felt like they were scraping their way up from his chest, begging to be let out.. He was fine. This is work, this is for something more than him, more than both of them. So if the sight of those honey brown eyes piercing through his blues were almost nauseating.. It had to be fine.
—
“She looks just like you.” Steve murmured, gesturing at the picture of Tony and Morgan. It still spun his world around how Tony was now a father.
“Well, fortunately for her I am a very pretty man.” Tony said with a light smirk, and Steve couldn't help but smile at his humour, bringing his familiarity in.
Steve's head was spinning with the words he desperately wanted to say I missed you. He couldn't ignore it, the second he locked eyes with the man again his heart ached, forcing him to face the fact that his heart had been longing for him all these years.
Steve hesitated for a second then asked. “Can I ask about Pepper?”
He hoped it wasn’t too forward, but with the lack of a ring on his finger and pictures, he wanted to confirm his suspicion. Although he regretted it in an instant when he saw the man visibly freeze.
“Hey , I- actually it's none of my business I’m sorry-”
“No, it’s fine,” he shook his head. “It didn’t work out. I love her, I love how great she is with our daughter..” he sighs looking off and Steve senses there’s something he’s not telling him. “She really is the best, it just didn’t work out romantically in the end I guess.” he shrugged.
“I’m sorry,”
“It’s fine.. Morgan’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Nothing in any universe or any timeline scares me more than losing her, or having her not exist at all..” Tony admitted and it warmed Steve’s heart seeing how much love the man clearly had for his daughter, like he was meant to be a father, he had all the love for it, and it warmed his heart seeing the softer sides of Tony Stark once again.
He looked up from the picture at Steve’s soft blue eyes, his features softened from when he first came to his door. “I’m scared.” he confessed with a light chuckle. “I wanna help but I’m scared, Steve.”
“I know, Tony,” he said, getting closer. “But I- we need you. We can do this Tony, God, I know we can do this.”
Steve's head was spinning with the words he desperately wanted to say I missed you. He couldn't ignore it, the second he locked eyes with the man again his heart ached, forcing him to face the fact that his heart had been longing for him all these years.
Tony kept his eyes stuck on Steve’s as he spoke and there was a tension between them that neither wanted to confront at that moment. Thankfully Nat walks in, cutting him off from possibly saying something well.. Full on honest.
"Are you two going to keep brooding at eachother or are we actually going to talk this over as a team?"
Steve swallowed his words, feeling this may be a sign they're better left unsaid.
–
Hidden away in 1970 as Captain Stevens he hoped the words clawing his chest would die down, as technically they hadn’t been born yet. If only time travel were so kind.
Luckily for him being driven and focused enough on the mission in hand kept his mind busy and his worries concentrated on the goal. It was working, he retrieved the pym particles and was ready to get tony and leave.. But it’s never that easy.
He hid in an office waiting for Tony praying and hoping he would hurry up as their cover was slowly being blown as he was hearing chatter about a couple of new faces walking around raising suspicion. His prayers were quickly interrupted as he noticed the name mirrored on the door, he furrowed his brows and turned around, concentrating on the figure behind the glass, heart dropping as it all pieced together.
Peggy.
He stared, knowing damn well if he lingered too long he would only hurt himself. What's important is that he got to say goodbye. His life isn’t here anymore and he shouldn't live with anymore regrets.
“My heart just sank to my ass,” Tony’s voice startled him, “ you will not believe what just happened to me..” Tony’s voice pierces through the growing fog of dread in his brain, and that's when it all collapsed on him. “Steve?” He looks around the room, piecing things together before looking back at the blond. “Oh, Steve..”
The ever growing unsaid words in his chest clutching his heart made their way up to Steve’s shoulders and turned him around. He should have said something like ‘Keep it down you’re going to get us caught, Stark! Do you have the stone or not?’ That’s what a normal person in his situation would say. But he never felt normal when it came to Tony.
Steve took three long steps towards the confused man and grabbed him by the back of the head, his breath wavered and before he could doubt himself he pressed his lips against Tony’s. For a moment the grip on his heart loosened as he felt uncertain hands trail up his shoulders, fingers tangling into the jacket. Warm and familiar he felt safe in Tony’s kiss, it felt like he belonged and he’d curse himself forever for depriving himself of it for this long.
Tony breaks the kiss, hands still tight on his shoulders.
"What are you doing?" Is all he can choke out in the shock, his walls immediately making their way up.
"I wanna try again," Steve says instead of admitting some kind of intoxication or mistake.
Tony stays stunned still his eyebrows furrowed in confusion because truly, what is he doing?
"Steve," he breathes. "I.. we can't-" he breathed, not being able to think straight enough to form a sentence. He felt winded. "This is not the time." He shakes his head hoping it will somehow help clear it, they have a mission to focus on.
"It's never been the right time." He places a soft hand on Tony's cheek. "I keep waiting for the right time. I keep waiting for my mind to shut up about you and move on. I should've said something sooner, and I can't waste any more time, I can't keep longing for you.."
Tony's eyes glared up at him as if to say don't say it, Rogers. Leave it unsaid. His glazed eyes then closed causing the tears in his eyes to spill, catching on to Steve's thumb as it brushed under the tips of his eyelashes.
"Damn it." He mutters quietly under his breath, mentally scolding his body for betraying him.
"I know the timing isn't ideal.. I just don't know when I'll get you alone again. To tell you, finally have the guts to tell you I still want you. I made a mistake leaving without telling you how I feel, because you've never stopped taking place in my heart."
Tony stared down at the floor, unable to look at the man pouring his heart out to him. "Steve," he tried to whisper but it came out more like a sob. "We have to go now." He says rushing past before Steve could even start to apologise. Again, leaving words unsaid, weighing on his chest.
Steve followed Tony out the door mentally cursing himself for bringing all this up now when it was vital that they were both at full concentration.
“Doctor, I believe you’re going the wrong way.” Steve tried as he chased the man, trying not to draw unwanted attention.
“Either way I just need a space I can get home without any distraction, I’ll see you there-”
“It’s them! Those two over there!” They both heard from down the hall.
They both stared at each other with wide eyes, the shouting becoming muffled as their ears rang with panic. Steve was about to scream for Tony to run but the sound of gunshots beat him to it. He grabbed Tony by the arm and ran with him, praying to anything and everything that he could get Tony out in one piece with the stone. They both tumbled into an empty room and quickly teleported back to their time.
It all happened so fast it took him a moment to take in his surroundings and realise they were back and safe. Well he thought, until Tony had collapsed on his knees upon arrival.
“Fuuuck!”
Steve quickly scurried to his side to support him “Hey, hey Tony, look at me,” he panicked. “Look at me Tony, what’s wrong?” his hands make his way across his chest over to his shoulders and Tony winced. “Fuck,” he breathed noticing the gunshot wound in his shoulder.
“Watch your language, sir.” Tony muttered painfully, earning a baffled look from Steve as if to say really? Right now? With a fucking gunshot wound?
Steve took off his own jacket to stop the bleeding, pressing it on the wound, earning a grunt from Tony. He felt guilty, he nearly jeopardised Tony’s safety and the whole mission due to his selfishness. In his defence the cage he had kept those words in for so long was withering away.
-
He had Tony sit up on a table as he cleaned his wound and started stitching.
“See what happens when you don’t listen, Rogers?” Tony mumbled, trying his hardest not to wince at every touch.
“Maybe if you didn’t stick out like a sore thumb with your, ‘hippie’ beard-”
“Do not pin this on me, especially my beard.” Tony said with a pointed finger at Steve. “And it’s not like I could stick out more than Captain America-”
“To them Captain America had been dead for twenty five years-”
“Ghosts can stick out like- ah, sore thumbs too.”
Steve sighed, flustered that Tony insisted on arguing with him whilst he was piercing a needle through his skin. Still, it was Tony and he was in pain, which was a cocktail for him to be snippy.
They were silent until Steve was done, and he happily broke it with “I’m sorry.”
Tony looked down and Steve wasn’t sure if the tears in his eyes were from pain or..
“It’s not like you shot me,” he chuckled lightly. “I lost my cool, that’s on me.. This,” he gestured to his shoulder. “That’s on me, okay?”
“I messed up, I shouldn’t have.. I should have waited-”
“You waited long enough right?” Tony interrupted with an understanding smile. “You took your chance, Rogers,” He looked away as his voice started wavering. “And I know seeing Peggy again must’ve brought back up a lot.. Hell, I can’t blame you for being human. Part of me is glad you’re just as imperfect as the rest of us.” he teased lightly scooting closer to Steve.
“You’re not mad at me so I can only assume this is the pain meds talking.” he joked earning a light nudge from Tony. Steve shivered as Tony rested his head on his shoulder, there was a silence between them for a moment.
“Pep and I broke up,” he took a deep breath, “Because she could tell my heart lied elsewhere. I guess that just made me resent you more. I thought the best thing I could do was never reach out to you.. Try to cleanse myself of how I felt towards you..”
“I’m sorry for how things ended with us, Tony. Missing you wrecked me more than I thought it would.” he finally confessed.
“I’m sorry too.” he whispered, closing his eyes to keep any tears from spilling. It was all too much to think about all the wasted time.
“I’m..I’m sorry for kissing you earlier, I- I should’ve asked.. I shouldn't have been so selfish especially during-” Steve was cut off by soft lips brushing against his own.
He melted into the kiss, holding Tony’s face to make sure thi was real.
“I guess now we’re even.” Tony muttered against his lips, brushing his fingers through golden locks of hair. “Now I’m going to need you to stop apologising if this is gonna work.”
He pulled Tony closer, his face was wet with either his or Tony’s tears, he couldn't tell and he didn’t care in the moment.
Steve would argue that he must continue to empty his chest of these words, but he would be a stupid stupid man to let this moment slip through his fingers.
For now, it’s okay if some things are left unsaid.
-
As the world was getting itself back together after half of the population thankfully returned, Steve’s chest was getting lighter by the day. Now that the world was healing and his teammates alive and well from their mission, he finally had time to release the weight bit by bit.
His daily sweet nothings to Tony were nearly confessional, like he was bursting at the seams with everything he felt for the man.
His apologies were often met with an eye roll and a kiss from Tony, carefully whispering. “No more regrets now, darling.”
The team would tease and poke but would argue anyone that this is the happiest they’ve ever been together, hell, happiest they've ever been in general.
Tony was over the moon when he’d finally introduced Morgan properly to Steve. He tried to hide his idiotic grin as he watched the two get along and seeing how much Morgan adored him. It melted his heart even more seeing how good Steve was with her, how no matter how tired the man was, and no matter what random time of day it was, he’d read her a story when she asked.
Life for Steve always seemed to move chaotically, hardly a moment to breathe, and when there was, all his thoughts and emotions would catch up to him with a crushing weight. For the first time in his life he felt lighter.
Steve was making coffee one early morning as he heard distant footsteps approach. Tony entered the kitchen, his tousled hair and tired eyes made Steve smile. He looked especially soft in the mornings.
“I know stupid o’clock is your favourite hour..” he started, leaning against the younger man’s side as he filled up a mug for himself. “But this is early even for you.” he said, voice thick with sleep.
He turned to face Steve, placing a hand on his chest. “Nagging feelings won't leave you alone again?”
Steve placed his hand over Tony’s with a soft hum. “Just the one thought, swimming around, won’t leave me alone right now.” Yes, most of the words that had been buried into Steve’s chest had been freed recently, except the one thing he had let swim around for a while, just in case.
“Well, let that fucker out. I don’t need my man to be bothered.” he looked up at him with tired eyes.
Steve chuckled lightly, trust Steve to wake up early to give himself enough time to articulate his words to Tony, so he wouldn’t mess up or God forbid, ruin them, just for the stubborn genius to wake up anyway and demand to know what's wrong. Though, time had never really been on their side.
“What’s so funny?” he raised his eyebrow with a grin. “What could possibly be funny at this God forsaken-”
“I love you, Tony.”
Tony stared, eyes brightening up as if he’d just chugged the mug in his now shaky hand. He opened his mouth and closed it again, he heard that right.. Right?
“Well, that’s not funny.” he whispered, putting the mug aside to grab his face and kiss him with everything he had, squeezing his eyes shut because he was not going to cry at this god forsaken hour. “I love you too, you fucking idiot.” he muttered against Steve’s growing smile.