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Nights were usually quiet in the Wind Estate. You had quickly come to know this after you started staying overnight more often since becoming Sanemi's lover. For all of his brashness and loud attitude in the daytime, during the nights he was home he was often more subdued and calm.
Waking up in the middle of the night was also not an uncommon thing. Sanemi was not a still sleeper, and as much as you loved him, it was definitely not out of the norm for you to wake up to him rolling over, squirming, or simply hogging all of the blankets in his sleep.
But waking up alone? That wasn't quite normal.
You woke up cold, the space next to you in the futon chilly with the absence of your lover. The only sounds to be heard were the trilling of cicadas and crickets outside. No shuffling around in the bathroom, or clinking of dishes in the kitchen. Nearly total silence.
It immediately concerned you.
Getting up, you rubbed your arms to bring yourself some warmth and slipped on one of your night robes before quietly making your way to find Sanemi.
You found him in the living room, sitting silently in a chair by the corner. Candlelight from the table beside him illuminated his face in the darkness, and you huffed fondly to yourself, tapping your fingers against the doorway to alert him to your presence without startling him.
His hands in his lap clenched, so you knew he heard your arrival, but he didn't look up to greet you. The pit of worry in your stomach deepened, but you didn't let it show.
Instead, you put a smile on your face, hoping that if he did look up, he wouldn't see your distress. "What are you doing up so late?"
Sanemi grunted. "Couldn't sleep. You should go back to bed."
You scoffed playfully. "Well, it's hard to sleep in a cold futon."
He rolled his eyes at your remark, but the tiniest twitch of his lips let you know he knew you were just teasing.
You walked over to him, coming to stand between his knees. He looked to the side, but you reached out to cup his cheek, gently turning his face up to meet your eyes. You rubbed your thumb along his cheek softly, feeling the roughness of his scar under your palm and resisting the urge to bend down and press a kiss to it like you always did.
"What's keeping you up?" you asked.
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it. I'll come back to bed in a bit."
You raised an eyebrow at him. "It's definitely not nothing. You don't have to talk about whatever it is, but you shouldn't be alone with dark thoughts, love. We promised each other."
Sanemi sighed deeply. He put his hand over yours, keeping it to his face, and turned his head to kiss your palm.
You smiled. "There he is. Will you let me join you now?"
He nodded, holding out his arms and letting you climb onto his lap, straddling his thighs with your own. His hands went to your hips, and his thumbs absentmindedly rubbed circles where they rested. Slightly taller than him now, it was easy to lean forward and press your forehead to his.
His breaths were slow and calm, but his heart was beating strangely under your palm. Anxiously, almost. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip the slightest bit, just taking in that you were there.
"Was it a bad dream?" you asked him, voice quiet in the stillness of the room. Sanemi hesitated, but he nodded, forehead bumping yours as he did. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Sanemi didn't respond right away. He stayed silent for several long minutes. Instead of asking again, you waited. It was something you had learned in getting to know more about him when you first got involved. Patience was key. He wasn't often vulnerable, and it was even less that you saw him in such a state.
"It was just my ass of an old man, way back when," he finally said. "Old shit. No demons."
You said nothing. Of course, you wanted to, but something in you told you there was more to it than just that, so you kept quiet. You caressed his cheek, brushing your thumb against the skin under his eye and frowning at the dark circle there. This clearly wasn't the first night he'd been up like this.
"He used to beat on Mom all the time," he told you. "Good for nothing piece of shit. Mom was one of the nicest fucking people in the world. Didn't deserve that shit."
You tapped your fingers against his cheekbone, silently encouraging him and letting him know you held no judgement.
"I just... I woke up and saw you laying next to me after that dream, and I needed to get the hell out."
Ah. You understood where he was going now.
"You would never hurt me," you said firmly. "Never."
Sanemi opened his eyes and stared into yours, the orange light from the candle shining in his lavender eyes making them shine the colors of a sunset. "You don't know that."
"I do," you insisted. "You're a good man, Shinazugawa Sanemi. Two years, and you have never once laid your hands on me like that. We've argued, screamed and fought and slammed doors when we've been angry. It's normal for couples to fight like that. But you have never even raised a palm to me in threat, let alone hit me."
"I could one day."
You lifted your hand from his chest and gently flicked his forehead. He took it in stride, eyes never leaving yours. "You wont. You're brash, and you have a temper, and you get angry at people easily. I knew all of that getting into this with you. But you're also kind, and loving, and protective. You do what's best for the people you love, even if you don't say the words outright. People know that you care, even if you show it in different ways."
Sanemi moved his hands, wrapping his arms around the small of your back and tugging you closer. He buried his face in your shoulder. You kissed his temple, reaching up to run your fingers through his hair.
"I don't wanna hurt you," he said, voice slightly muffled by your robe but still clear to your ears.
"You won't."
"I love you."
"I know you do. I love you too."
"Please don't leave me."
You hugged him tight to you, gently rocking back and forth. One of your hands was on the back of his neck, keeping him in place, and the other arm wrapped around his midsection. "I'm not going anywhere, love."
"I'm sorry. You should be sleeping."
"I'm right where I want to be," you told him. "We'll go back to bed when you're ready."
His breath stuttered, but he didn't cry. You pulled him back just the slightest bit, smiling lovingly at him and giving him a long, soft kiss. He shivered in your arms, goosebumps breaking out on his skin.
You broke away first, both of your hands now framing his face. You stared into his eyes, making sure that when you spoke, he would know you meant every word. "Sanemi. I love you. I'm not going anywhere. I know you will never hurt me. The fact that you're worried over it in the first place speaks volumes to the fact that you won't. You are not your father."
Sanemi sighed through his nose, reaching up to cup your cheeks in kind. "You're the love of my fucking life, you know that?"
You smiled. "I'm glad, because you're mine. Why don't we stay here for a bit longer, and then we can go back to bed, okay? You're exhausted, love."
He nodded. "Yeah. Okay. I love you."
"I know. I love you too."
You gave him another kiss before tugging him back in to hold him close again. He breathed out in content, settling his head to your chest, right over your heart. His hands traced patterns in your back over your robe.
It wasn't long before you went back to bed together, you holding Sanemi in a tight embrace instead the other way around as you usually did.