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Chapter Text

It was just past three in the morning and while most sane people were asleep, Tang Yi was unfortunately wide awake. He huffed as he changed position yet again. He kept his eyes shut and listened hard to the sounds of the storm outside, hoping that sleep would just come to him like this. Sleep, damnit! Just go to sleep! He waited fifteen minutes before letting out a growl of frustration, punching his pillow and turning one more time. After another ten minutes of fruitless waiting, he sat up, sighing in defeat. Sleep was going to elude him tonight. Just like last night. And the night before that.

Tang Yi hadn’t been sleeping well for this entire week, actually. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why that was. Usually, he could place the blame squarely on his nightmares, but they’ve been strangely absent. He thought that maybe it was because Hong Ye had been out of the country for longer than usual, but she had been home for nearly a week now. She was out for the night, but he knew she’d be back tomorrow morning at the latest. His new employee, Jack, had suggested that it could be because of a change in routine, but Tang Yi had waved him off. Nothing had changed. His days looked the same as ever. Except… Tang Yi almost snorted at the thought. It couldn’t be that.

The one change to his routine over the past week was the absence of one Officer Meng. Normally, it seemed like he was waiting for Tang Yi around every corner. Every time Tang Yi would come into view, the police officer would pounce like a starving tiger, demanding the same answers to the same questions. Over and over again, for two years this has been his routine. Their routine. But this week, Team 3 had been on a stake out, leaving Officer Meng unavailable to stalk Tang Yi.

It had been a nice change. Having someone chase you down, yell at you, and occasionally arrest you was never pleasant. However, Tang Yi couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing. He kept turning to serve Officer Meng with an icy look and a snarky comment, but there was no one there. He would never go so far as to say he missed the other man. But truthfully, there were some benefits to his incredibly annoying presence. Having someone to be unapologetically mean to was kind of therapeutic.

Tang Yi was snapped out of his thoughts by a knock at his door. Actually, it was more like a banging sound. Someone was pounding on his door at three in the goddamn morning.

Even though he was nowhere near sleep, he still grumbled as he threw on a robe and slippers. The pounding only seemed to get louder as he made his way to the front door. One of the maids had found her way there as well, stumbling and rubbing her eyes blearily. As soon as she saw her employer, she snapped to attention (as well as she could while being half asleep). Tang Yi waved her off. Better that she get some sleep, since he couldn’t.

He sighed as he unlocked the door, the banging stopping as soon as whoever was on the other side heard the click of the deadbolt. Belatedly, Tang Yi realized that he should probably check the peephole. When he saw who had been pounding on his door like their life depended on it, all thoughts of sleep flew from his mind.

Standing on the gangster’s front step, steeped in rainwater and wearing nothing but a bloodsoaked T-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts was Officer Meng Sho Fei. As Tang Yi cautiously swung the door open, he couldn’t help but notice the bruises. On his knees, on his face- but most worryingly, a darkening ring around his throat. Any snark that he had thought to give died as he watched the police officer try and fail to meet his eyes.

“Officer Meng?” he asked quietly. “Are you alright?” The battered man took a moment before he shook his head, still staring at Tang Yi’s slippers. He licked his lips, and Tang Yi noticed that they were bruised as well.

“Sorry,” he croaked, barely audible over the storm. “I didn’t kn- I didn’t kn-know where else t-to go.” Tang Yi couldn’t tell if he was stuttering because he was nervous or because he was shaking so hard. He opened the door wider, gesturing for the other man to come in. Officer Meng moved slowly, limping.

“Did you walk all the way here?” His apartment was ten minutes away by car, but Tang Yi had no idea how long the bedraggled man had been out in the storm. Officer Meng nodded. Tang Yi dragged a heavy hand down his face. The two men stood in silence for a long moment as Tang Yi attempted to process the situation he had found himself in. Finally, he spoke. “What do you need?” The police officer took a shaky breath.

“‘M sor-”

“Don’t apologize,” Tang Yi cut him off. Normally he would relish an apology from the other man, but coming from a bruised, shivering, and seemingly anxious Officer Meng- it just didn’t feel right. “Please, just tell me what you need right now.” Officer Meng stayed silent for a long moment. “Okay, I’m going to call the police-”

“NO!” Tang Yi startled as an icy hand grabbed his wrist. Officer Meng was finally looking at him, but he almost wished that he wasn’t. His eyes were wide and terrified. Tang Yi shuddered at the deep, primal fear he saw. Officer Meng was loud, annoying, brash. Seeing him silent, hunched in on himself, shaking from cold, pain, and fear… it was almost too much for the other man. “P-please, please don’t c-call them. They can’t- I’m not s-supposed t- he- he’ll know if I tell them.” Tang Yi swallowed a hard lump in his throat. 

“What do you need?” he asked again. Another long silence from the police officer.

“I don’t know.” He was back to staring at the floor and shivering. His teeth were beginning to chatter as well, no doubt from being soaking wet in an air conditioned room. Tang Yi took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself.

“First things first, then,” he said in a low tone that he hoped was somewhat comforting. “We need to get you into a warm bath and take a look at those wounds. Is that okay?” He waited for the answering nod before beginning to lead his unexpected houseguest upstairs.

Officer Meng followed, albeit much more slowly due to his limp. After the first five steps, Tang Yi stopped and waited for him to catch up.

“Still okay?” The police officer nodded. “Can I touch you?” Officer Meng’s head snapped up at that, confusion and apprehension written all over his face. “We’ve got quite a ways to go. Would you be more comfortable being carried?” After a moment of deliberation, he nodded again. “Okay. Tell me if I’m hurting you.” With that, Tang Yi carefully slipped his arms under his legs and behind his back, sweeping Officer Meng into a bridal carry. It was strange, carrying his supposed enemy in such an intimate embrace, but truthfully Tang Yi was grateful. Officer Meng was clearly exhausted, and his feet were cut up from the long trek here.

Like this, he could feel every hitch of breath, every shake of the hurting, vulnerable body in his arms and he hated it. Officer Meng has always seemed almost invincible. Tang Yi had once joked to Hong Ye that he could drop kick the other man off the top of a mountain and he’d probably be back to bug him the very next day. But now, he was painfully reminded that Officer Meng was as human and as breakable as anyone else.

Tang Yi carried him all the way up the stairs and into his ensuite, setting him down gently beside the tub. He busied himself by starting the bath and grabbing some dry clothes. When he reentered the bathroom, Officer Meng was exactly where he had left him, staring blankly at the filling tub. Tang Yi reached over him and shut the water off.

“Are you going to need help with your clothes?” The other man bit his lip, thinking, before nodding with a dark blush on his cheeks. Tang Yi simply nodded in response, motioning for Officer Meng to lift his arms. As he pulled the sopping T-shirt off, he tried not to let his eyes linger on the nearly black bruises all over that pale chest, the ribs poking out (surely more than normal, although Tang Yi would have no way of knowing), the cuts, scrapes, and burns that went down past his shorts… But then he saw it. A reddened and swollen burn mark, in the shape of three letters. ZGZ. A brand.

Tang Yi opened his mouth to say something, anything , but no words came. All he could do was stare like an idiot. When he finally regained control of himself, he looked up (anywhere to avoid that horrible sight) and felt that painful lump rising in his throat yet again. Meng Shao Fei was crying . His hands were clamped tight over his mouth as he struggled to muffle the heartwrenching sound of whimpers and sobs. Tang Yi wiped at his own eyes, sure that the fragile, human man in front of him needed his stoicism now more than ever.

“I’m going to take your shorts and underwear off now, okay?” No response from Officer Meng. Slowly, to avoid exacerbating any wounds that he couldn’t see, Tang Yi slid both articles of clothing down the officer’s legs. The small, round burns on the insides of both thighs caused a burning behind his eyelids, but the thin trail of dried blood snaking down the inside of Officer Meng's leg and ending near the back of his right knee almost made Tang Yi retch. Officer Meng was shaking again, sucking in desperate gasps of air as he began choking on his tears.

Tang Yi didn’t know what to say. God, what could he say? What could he say to someone that he’d only considered a nuisance up to this point? What could he say now that said nuisance had thought of Tang Yi as safe enough to come to when there was nowhere else to go? After he had been abused and violated so completely that his spirit, his very soul had been broken?

“Let’s get you into the tub, Officer Meng,” is what Tang Yi said, because the police officer needed him to get over his stupid emotions and be strong. Carefully, gently , he helped the trembling man get one leg over the edge of the tub, then the other, and sit down. Tang Yi turned to leave, positive now that what Officer Meng wanted was privacy, but an uncharacteristically tiny voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Shao Fei.” Tang Yi turned around slowly. Officer Meng was staring resolutely at his knees, tears still dripping down his face. “Call me Shao Fei. Not Off-Officer Meng. Please.” Tang Yi nodded, stunned. The other man took a shallow, shuddery breath. “St-stay? Please?” Dazed, Tang Yi nodded again, moving to sit down next to the tub.

“Of course… Shao Fei.”

Chapter Text

Shao Fei had finally stopped shaking, curling in on himself instead. His chin rested upon his bruised knees, eyes half-lidded. Tang Yi took it upon himself to wash his hair, which felt like it hadn’t been touched in days. The state of Shao Fei’s back, which Tang Yi hadn’t yet examined, was… upsetting, to say the least.

Pale skin stretched thin over a protruding spine. Demeaning words carved into any free space. Slut. Whore. Bitch. Faggot. All over the officer’s back, some repeating more than others. Some were scabbed over, but some looked fresh, still bleeding sluggishly. Tang Yi swallowed the bile that rose in his throat, trying hard to stay calm. Shao Fei needed to feel safe, and getting angry would likely only scare him.

“Tip your head back,” he murmured. Shao Fei obliged and he began to rinse his hair. The officer’s eyes closed on instinct, but when they opened, their usual spark was nowhere to be found. They were frighteningly empty. Tang Yi had only a faint idea of what horrors he had endured, but it was enough to make the other man almost completely shut down. “Shao Fei.”

And yet when his name was called, it almost seemed that Shao Fei would come back to life, even if only temporarily. Tang Yi didn’t know what to make of it, so he simply continued.

“Shao Fei, your wounds…” He cleared his throat. “I know basic first aid, but I can’t help you with all of them. Your burns, some of these cuts… I need to take you to a hospital.” Shao Fei’s eyes widened as he began shaking his head vehemently.

“No no no no no,” he began to mumble desperately, clutching at his hair and tugging, hard enough that Tang Yi was sure that it had to hurt. “No no no, he’ll know, he’ll know, Tang Yi! You can’t, he’ll know!” Tang Yi grabbed Shao Fei’s hand, gently untangling it from his now wet locks. He kept a hold on it, running his thumb over the knuckles in a way that he hoped was soothing. Shao Fei began to shiver again, backing away as much as he could in the bathtub. Tang Yi hushed him, attempting to calm the poor man.

“Shao Fei.” He stilled, if only for a moment, before pressing his face back into his knees, trying to make himself smaller. Tang Yi tried to ignore the hollow feeling in his chest. “I’m going to call my personal doctor and ask him to come here instead, okay? He’s one of my closest friends. I promise you-” He paused, unsure if Shao Fei could believe him in this state. He took a deep breath. “I swear to you, on Boss Tang’s grave, I swear that he won’t tell anybody.” Shao Fei was staring at him now, eyes wide. “You need a doctor. Will you be okay?” The fragile man in front of him took a shuddering breath.

“You-you’ll stay?” Without even thinking, Tang Yi reached out and ran a hand through Shao Fei’s wet hair. Luckily, it didn’t seem to frighten the man, closing his eyes and leaning into the gentle touch.

“I will stay as long as you need me.” Tang Yi knew it was a tall order, but something deep in his chest twinged painfully at the thought of denying the other man this simple comfort. If it helped him feel safe, Tang Yi was willing to do anything for Shao Fei. “I’m going to call him now, okay?” At Shao Fei’s answering nod, Tang Yi retrieved his phone from his bedroom. He walked back quickly and reclaimed his spot next to the tub.

The first call went to voicemail. So did the second, and the third. On the fourth, Tang Yi finally got an answer.

“You’d better be bleeding out, Tang Yi. Why are you calling me at 3:45 in the goddamn morning?! Do you know how early I have to be at the hospital, you bastard?! Fucking-” Tang Yi never thought he’d be so relieved to hear Jin Teng cursing him out. He waited a moment for his friend to get it out of his system.

“Jin Teng,” he said, “I need you to get over here, now. I can’t explain everything over the phone, but I need you to bring supplies for burns, cuts, and possible broken bones.” It hadn’t escaped Tang Yi’s notice how Shao Fei was cradling his left arm. There was a pause on the other end of the call.

“Tang Yi…” Jin Teng sounded unsure. “What’s going on?”

“I’ll explain when you get here, but please, Jin Teng, I need your help.” Another pause.

“I’m coming.” The line went dead.

“He needs some time to get dressed and get his supplies together,” Tang Yi said, “so he’ll probably be here in the next hour or so.” He glances at Shao Fei, who hasn’t moved from his position. “I’m going to get some clean clothes for you.”

By the time the doorbell rung, Tang Yi had gotten Shao Fei washed, dried off, and dressed in a loose T-shirt and sweatpants. He left him sitting on the edge of his bed as he answered the door. It had stopped raining at some point, so Jin Teng was dry as he walked in, arms full of bandages, antiseptic creams, ointments, and materials for a cast.

“So it’s not you,” Jin Teng noted, looking Tang Yi up and down. “Who is it? Hong Ye?” Tang Yi shook his head.

“It’s Officer Meng.” Jin Teng’s eyes widened in shock. He had never met the man, but Tang Yi had told him countless stories about the annoying officer stalking him over the past two years. “I know what you’re thinking. But he’s…” Tang Yi trailed off, mind drifting to the hurt, terrified man in his bedroom. “He’s hurt badly, Jin Teng. Really badly.” The two men started up the stairs.

“And he couldn’t go to a hospital?” Jin Teng asked. Tang Yi shook his head.

“Anytime I mention going to the police or taking him to a hospital, he freaks out,” he replied. They reached the top of the stairs and stopped. “I don’t know what happened to him, but he’s terrified. He just keeps saying that he’s ‘not supposed to tell,’ and that ‘he’ll know.’” Jin Teng narrowed his eyes.

“Who is he afraid of?” Tang Yi sighed.

“I don’t know, but I think…” His voice lowered to a whisper. “I think he was raped.” Jin Teng had nothing to say to that. “It had to be one of the police, I think. Someone in a position of authority. That’s why he’s so scared to go to them. Whoever did this must have convinced him that no one would believe him.” Jin Teng’s mouth was now set in a hard, angry line. He took a deep breath.

“Show me to my patient.”

When they entered the room, Shao Fei was not on the bed, where Tang Yi had left him. Instead, he was sitting on the floor next to the bed, knees pulled up to his chest and head tucked down, concealing his face. Trying to hide himself again. Tang Yi moved to kneel beside him.

“Shao Fei,” he said gently, hand hovering over the other man’s back, unsure if touching would help or hurt. Luckily, his voice seemed to be enough to draw Shao Fei out, glancing at Jin Teng before letting his gaze fall to the floor. He began to shake again. “Shao Fei, this is my friend Jin Teng.” Jin Teng crouched down and smiled gently, as if coaxing out a scared animal.

“Hello, Shao Fei,” he said softly. “May I take a look at your injuries?” Unsure, Shao Fei looked at Tang Yi, who nodded encouragingly. “I’m not going to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with, I promise. I just want to make sure that you’re okay.” Slowly, hesitantly, Shao Fei allowed himself to be helped up. He continued to stare at the carpet as Tang Yi guided him to the bed. “Can you take your shirt off for me please?”

Tang Yi couldn’t help but be impressed at Jin Teng’s calming demeanor as he treated each one of Shao Fei’s wounds. The only times he faltered were when he saw the officer’s back and the brand on his chest, sucking in a sharp breath each time. Otherwise, he repeatedly asked for Shao Fei’s permission to touch him, warning him about every action he took. Shao Fei, for his part, stared resolutely at the ground and shook like a leaf. Tang Yi whispered any assurance he could, although the dazed look in Shao Fei’s eyes made him wonder if the other man was even hearing him. 

Once all injuries were accounted for and treated, Tang Yi laid an exhausted Shao Fei in his own bed, inexplicably wanting the other man close. Jin Teng gathered his things and Tang Yi reluctantly turned to walk him out.

“You need to use those creams every one to four hours to avoid infection,” Jin Teng said quietly, almost sounding like he had just treated an ordinary patient. An ordinary person who had accidentally burned themselves in the kitchen, or cut themselves chopping vegetables. Unfortunate, certainly, but far from the traumatized man in the bedroom. “That wrist needs to stay elevated, and he should avoid using it for the next 48 hours, at least.” Shao Fei’s wrist was thankfully not broken, just badly sprained. They reached the bottom of the stairs. Jin Teng sighed. “I can recommend a therapist. He needs to talk about this.” Tang Yi nodded.

“I’ll ask him,” he replied, “but at least for now, I don’t think he’ll be up for it.” Jin Teng sighed again.

“Call me if he needs me.” With that, he left, his words echoing in Tang Yi’s mind. Call me if he needs me. He was grateful to have a friend like Jin Teng. Exhausted, he trudged upstairs to his bedroom.

Shao Fei was asleep when he returned, although not peacefully. There was a furrow in his brow that Tang Yi desperately wanted to smooth. His limbs twitched minutely, clearly still feeling unsafe, and god, Tang Yi wanted to know who did this to him. Who had hurt this man so totally, so completely that even sleep brought no respite? Tang Yi glanced at the clock. 6:15 am. He sent a text to Jack to clear his schedule for the day.

His priorities had irrevocably shifted.

Chapter Text

Shao Fei felt like he was floating. Floating on a warm, comfortable cloud. Much better than where he had been sleeping for the past three days. Memories of a cold tile floor and leering faces threatened to disturb this wonderful peace, but a warm hand over his and a soft voice chased them away. Was he dead? He didn’t care. He was warm, and he was safe. Wait. He was… he was…

Shao Fei jolted awake and he gasped as his eyes met concerned ones mere inches away. They belonged to Tang Yi, who was crouched next to the bed. He was in Tang Yi’s house. He was in Tang Yi’s bedroom. He was in Tang Yi’s bed. He had walked here before even the asscrack of dawn and for some reason, Tang Yi had let him stay– had… had washed him, had gotten him medical attention, had practically tucked him into his own bed. He knew Tang Yi was ultimately a good man before this, but now… now he was convinced that the man before him was a saint.

“Shao Fei?” the aforementioned saint asked when the officer said nothing. “Are you okay?” Shao Fei almost laughed at the question. He was very much not okay, actually. He was the least okay he had ever been, including right after his parents had died.

“I’m fine,” he replied, voice cracking. He was losing his voice. Days of screaming will do that to you. “I’m sorry.” Tang Yi’s brow furrowed, whether in confusion or displeasure Shao Fei wasn’t sure. “For coming here. I know you’re not exactly my biggest fan.” The corners of Tang Yi’s mouth turned down.

“Shao Fei…” Tang Yi trailed off, clearly unsure of what to say or how to say it. “We’ve had our disagreements.” Many disagreements. “But it would kill me if you didn’t get the help you needed because you thought I’d be a dick about it.” Shao Fei’s heart let out a thud so loud that he was sure Tang Yi must have heard it. If someone had asked him a week ago what Tang Yi’s opinion of him was, he would have said that the other man thought of him as little more than a nuisance, a stalker at most. But seeing the way he was looking at him now, Shao Fei couldn’t help but wonder.

The growling of his stomach interrupted any further musings, however. Tang Yi raised an eyebrow.

“How long has it been since you last ate?” Shao Fei had to think about that one.

“Two days, I think.” Tang Yi’s eyes widened as he took in the other man’s form. Normally, Shao Fei actually didn’t eat as much or as well as he should, contributing to his lean figure. He didn’t mean to skip meals, but when he was focused on something, it was hard to tear his attention away. Often, Zhao Zi or Yu Qi would have to drag him to the nearest dumpling stall, or force feed him instant noodles just to ensure that he didn’t collapse. He was used to ignoring the telltale pangs when he went too long without a meal, but he’d had little else to think about during the past three days.

“I’ll make you something to eat.” Tang Yi stood up and made his way to the door, stopping with his hand on the knob. He turned back to Shao Fei. “You can stay here. I’ll bring the food up.” Shao Fei shifted nervously.

“You’re okay with me eating in your bed?” he asked.

“Of course, if it makes you more comfortable.” With that, the other man left the room, closing the door behind him.

Shao Fei laid back against incredibly soft pillows, feeling slightly bewildered, but not necessarily in a bad way. He struggled against sleep, but he’d had so little that sleep won in less than five minutes. If he had been hoping for pleasant dreams, however, he was sorely mistaken.

“Here’s to the shortest stake out of our careers!” Jun Wei exclaimed, lifting his glass. Shao Fei, Zhao Zi, Yu Qi, and Ah Zhi did the same, spirits high. Two days earlier, they had been complaining about what was surely going to be at least a two week stint, at least based on the anonymous tip they had received. But miraculously, almost as soon as they had begun, the suspect had confessed everything on the phone with his mother. Shao Fei would normally be suspicious, but this was a relatively small operation, and he supposed that Team 3 was due some luck.

It had indeed been the shortest stake out for any of them and, as they were supposed to be out of the office for the rest of the week and the following anyway, they were given that time off as a reward. Maybe it was the satisfaction of an easy, open and shut case, or maybe it was the knowledge that they were all off for the next week and a half, but whatever it was had Team 3 drinking in excess. 

Within an hour and a half, all Shao Fei wanted was to go home, collapse into bed, and stay there until he had to return to work. He thought nothing of Ah Zhi insisting on taking him home. He was a good friend, after all. He blinked and he was in the backseat of a cab, Ah Zhi giving his address to the driver. He didn't ask how he knew where he lived. He must have told him at some point. He laid his head on the window, sighing at the feel of cool glass on his skin.

He was barely awake when the car stopped, distantly registering Ah Zhi paying the driver. He grumbled as the other man manhandled him onto his own two feet, once again insisting on helping him up to his apartment. He leaned on Ah Zhi, putting nearly his entire weight on the other man. He hardly remembered anything after entering the building.

Until he woke up handcuffed to the pipe under his bathroom sink.

“Shao Fei?” When he woke up this time, he knew where he was. Once again, Tang Yi was frowning. “You were crying.” Confused, Shao Fei raised a hand to his face to find it uncharacteristically damp. His cheeks burned. Over the past few days, he had cried more than he had in… well, his whole life, probably. He cleared his throat, sitting up carefully.

“Sorry.” Tang Yi’s frown deepened. “I don’t- I’m not usually like this.” Tang Yi sighed.

“I don’t blame you.” The sense of comfort that washed over Shao Fei was nearly unbearable. Tang Yi continued as if he hadn’t just soothed all of Shao Fei’s worries with only four words. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to handle anything too heavy, so I just made some congee.” Oh, right. Breakfast. Shao Fei’s stomach growled loudly again as Tang Yi fussed with a small tray containing a steaming bowl of porridge, scooting it close to Shao Fei and holding it steady as he shifted slightly.

Shao Fei’s hand shook as he brought the spoon to his lips, resulting in half of the spoonful ending up on the tray and the comforter instead of in his mouth. He set the spoon down, wanting to apologize but knowing by now that Tang Yi wouldn’t accept it.

“Do you want help?” Tang Yi asked, not even acknowledging the food splattered on his bed. Cheeks and ears on fire, Shao Fei nodded mutely. Tang Yi simply nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed, careful not to jostle the tray. Shao Fei tried valiantly to ignore the inner battle between shame and deep rooted comfort caused by the other man literally spoon feeding him. It was difficult, especially with Tang Yi treating him with the kind of care usually reserved for babies and very small children.

Shao Fei took comfort in the look on Tang Yi’s face, which told him that although he’d offered, he was still a little embarrassed to be feeding a grown man. A grown man who, up until early that morning, he had disliked immensely. He got through half of the bowl before Shao Fei grabbed his wrist to stop him, too full to continue. 

“You’re sure you’re full?” he asked. “There’s still plenty left.” Shao Fei nodded.

“I don’t usually eat very much, anyway.” Tang Yi nodded and set the tray and bowl to the side.

“Okay,” he replied. “Is there anything else you need?” Shao Fei shifted uncomfortably. Tang Yi had already done so much for him. How could he ask for more? “Anything at all, Shao Fei.”

“When do you want me gone?” he blurted out before he could stop himself. He hadn’t meant to phrase it like that, but surely Tang Yi’s charity had limits. Although the thought of going back to his apartment made him feel sick, surely Tang Yi wouldn’t want him in his house, in his bed for very much longer.

Tang Yi touched Shao Fei’s arm softly, and he suppressed a shiver. Tang Yi hadn’t touched him at all since he woke up, and he was shocked at just how much he wanted the other to do so. Touch me, hug me, hold me together, keep me from falling apart.

“Stay as long as you need.” Shao Fei’s face must have betrayed his shock, because Tang Yi continued. “Whether that means you leave today or whether it means that you stay forever, I want you to stay for as long as you need.” Tang Yi sighed. “I know you think you’re burdening me. I know you think you don’t deserve my help. But listen to me now, Meng Shao Fei.” He held Shao Fei’s face in his hands now, not letting the other man look away. 

“I can’t let you walk out of that door until I know that you feel safe. Do you feel safe leaving?” Shao Fei’s lip trembled as he brought his hands up to cover Tang Yi’s. “Answer me.” Hot tears ran down their hands. Shao Fei slowly shook his head.

“No.” The word was a whisper. 

“Then I guess you’re staying.”

Chapter Text

It wasn’t until Tang Yi was in the kitchen, brewing another much needed pot of coffee, that he realized what he had just done. He told Meng Shao Fei, an officer of the law, that he could stay with him, a fucking gangster, indefinitely. Given his and Shao Fei’s past, it was quite possibly one of the stupidest things he could have done. What if this was all just a ruse? What if Shao Fei was using this as a way to search his house, find something that would land him in prison? Was this all a trick?

Almost as soon as the possibility crossed his mind, Tang Yi brushed it off. He may not have been fond of him before (he tactfully avoided mulling over his current feelings), but he knew Shao Fei, probably as well as Shao Fei knew him. He was annoying, sure, but he was also an honorable man. He followed the letter of the law, and he’d never sink so low as to pretend to have been raped just to get some dirt on Tang Yi. No, everything that had happened to the man over the past few days was- unfortunately- as real as it got.

And maybe it was a bad idea to invite him to stay. After a while, the detective was going to have to go back to work (Tang Yi grit his teeth at the thought), and eventually questions were going to be asked. But he couldn’t bring himself to rescind the offer. Not when he remembered how hard Shao Fei had shook, hot tears running down his face and breath coming in short gasps, clinging to Tang Yi’s hands as though he was his only protection. Not when he brought to mind big watery eyes following him as he left the bedroom, as if worried that he wouldn’t return.

A car door slammed outside, bringing Tang Yi back to the here and now. He winced internally, thinking of who could be arriving. It might be Hong Ye, here to grab some breakfast before her first meeting of the day. Dao Yi, perhaps, with a few new contracts for him to sign. Or maybe Jack or Ah De, simply reporting for work. Whoever it was, Tang Yi was going to have some explaining to do. The front door opened.

“Ah Yi!” It was Hong Ye. She stormed into the kitchen and right up to Tang Yi. Then she took a breath and a sickly sweet smile made its way onto her face. Tang Yi had seen that look before. He was in what some experts refer to as, “deep shit.” “Ah Yi?” Her voice matched the sickly sweetness of her smile.

“Yes?” he replied, as casually as possible. His mouth trembled into a smile that said, Who, me? I’ve never done anything wrong in my life.

“Care to tell me why the CCTV shows you letting Officer Meng in at three in the morning, but doesn’t show him leaving?” Hong Ye was frowning now, and Tang Yi tried to stay calm. She was his little sister, but even he was cowed by her intimidating aura at times. Especially when he knew that he was about to upset her. He cleared his throat.

“Look, Hong Ye-” She didn’t let him finish.

“No, don’t ‘look, Hong Ye’ me,” she said, sickly sweet tone gone. “I get that you two have a… thing. A crush, a mutual attraction, hate sex, whatever. But are you really so stupid that you would have a one night stand with the one person persistent enough to pursue you for two years? Are you an idiot, Tang Yi?!” 

For a moment, Tang Yi was too stunned to speak. Crush? Attraction? Hate sex?!

“I- we-” he stuttered, “It’s not like that! When have I ever said anything like that?!” Hong Ye just raised an eyebrow.

“I’m going to go upstairs,” she said, “and if Detective Boytoy is still up there, we’re going to have a problem.” She moved to walk toward the stairs, but Tang Yi grabbed her arm before she could take a step.

“Wait!” he exclaimed. “Wait, just let me explain what happened. Please don’t harass him.”

“Oh, so he is still here.” It wasn’t a question. “And why shouldn’t I harass him anyway? He’s been harassing you nonstop since Lao Tang died.” Tang Yi sighed, ignoring the pang in his chest at the mention of Lao Tang.

“Just sit down, Hong Ye. I’ll explain everything.” Hong Ye huffed and walked swiftly to the living room, sitting primly on the couch.

“Alright, I’m sitting. Explain.” Tang Yi rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of how to begin.

“What I’m about to tell you,” he said, “you can’t tell anyone else. Only the most necessary people in Xing Tian Meng can know, and no one in the police department.” Hong Ye’s brow furrowed in confusion, but she nodded nonetheless. “Okay. Shao Fei showed up this morning, having walked all the way from his apartment. He was injured, terrified, and he had been-” Tang Yi swallowed harshly. “He had been violated.” Hong Ye hid a gasp behind her hand. There was no love lost between her and Shao Fei, but she wasn’t completely unfeeling.

“You’re sure?” she asked quietly. Tang Yi nodded.

“I got him cleaned up and called Jin Teng to look at his wounds. There were- there were so many, Hong Ye.” Hong Ye let out a shaky breath. “I’m not going to go into the details. But he panicked every time I mentioned taking him to a hospital, or going to the police. He just kept saying, ‘I’m not supposed to tell,’ and, ‘He’ll know.’ I think someone on the police force did this to him. Whoever it was definitely threatened him.” 

“And…” Hong Ye trailed off. “And you sure he’s telling the truth? This isn’t some kind of trick?” Tang Yi clenched his fist. He understood his sister’s suspicion, but it made him angry nonetheless.

“You didn’t see him,” he replied. “Those wounds, the fear in his eyes…” He shook his head. “You can’t fake that.” Hong Ye nodded, sighing.

“He’s upstairs?”

“Yes. He’s resting.” Hopefully he’s resting peacefully, not plagued by more nightmares. Hong Ye nodded again. “I told him that he could stay for as long as he needed to.” Hong Ye raised an eyebrow. “I couldn’t not, Hong Ye. He’s still terrified, scared of almost everyone.” Except me, for some reason. Hong Ye sighed heavily.

“You realize,” she said, “this is going to make everything so much more complicated.”

“I know,” Tang Yi replied. “But I can’t just let him leave. Not like this. Not when I know what might happen.”

“Who are you planning to tell?” Tang Yi thought for a moment.

“Just the people who are here every day. Jack, Ah De, Dao Yi. Just the people who might see him, and only the most basic details. They don’t need to know everything.”

“Why did you tell me then?” she asked. Tang Yi smirked.

“If you didn’t get it from me, you would’ve marched right upstairs and interrogated that poor man.” Hong Ye let out an indignant squawk, slapping Tang Yi on the arm.

“I will have you know that I am an incredibly caring and compassionate person!”

“Didn’t seem like it when you fired Jia Li.”

“She was an incompetent fool! What am I supposed to do? Teach every employee how to do their job?! It’s only accounting, for God’s sake!”

Tang Yi let his sister’s outraged ranting wash over him for a while, glad for this moment of normalcy.

“Hey.” Tang Yi blinked, tuning back in. “I have to go, but you’ll be okay, right? You and… Shao Fei will be okay?” Tang Yi heard the hidden question and his heart warmed slightly. 

“Not right away,” he replied. “But eventually, I hope.”

After Hong Ye had left, Tang Yi grabbed his now lukewarm coffee and went back upstairs. Opening the bedroom door as quietly as he could, he was pleased to see that Shao Fei was asleep again. It was just past 10:45, meaning that Shao Fei had only had about four hours of sleep altogether. The man in question shifted slightly and let out a quiet, wounded sound that twisted a knot in Tang Yi’s chest. He knelt by the bed and carefully reached out to run a hand through Shao Fei’s hair in what he hoped was a comforting manner. There was a sense of amazement in just how quickly the other man calmed, letting out a content sigh. 

Not right away. But eventually, I hope.

Chapter Text

Tang Yi should have expected it, but it still took him off guard. All of the adrenaline had officially worn off, and everything that had happened to Shao Fei over the course of those hellish three days was bound to catch up with him eventually. It hadn’t yet, but when it hit him, it would be like a train hitting a bicycle. The first day was fine, if a bit awkward. Shao Fei slept fitfully for almost the whole day, and Tang Yi did what he could to get some food and water into him. They only spoke when necessary, with Shao Fei once again avoiding eye contact as well. The second day is when it happened.

“Congee again?” Shao Fei’s attempt at a smile was weak, and his voice was still coming out quiet and scratchy, but it was minutely better than the day before. Tang Yi took it as a small victory. “I had that for all three meals yesterday. You’re lucky I happen to like it.” Tang Yi huffed out a laugh.

“We can work up to other foods,” he replied. “You had no food for two days. The last thing I want is for you to throw up on my floor.” He reached for the spoon, only for Shao Fei to beat him to it.

“I can do it.” His hand was still shaky, but the spoon did make its way to his mouth this time. Tang Yi raised his eyebrows.

“Are you sure?” he asked anyway. “I don’t mind helping, really.” He did mind a little bit, actually. He’d feed Shao Fei for as long as he needed, but truthfully, it was a bit awkward. Shao Fei shook his head, slowly bringing a second shaky spoonful to his mouth.

“You can’t keep feeding me forever,” he replied, mouth full. “I’m not a little kid.”

“No,” said Tang Yi, wiping porridge from the corner of the other man’s mouth. “You just have the manners of one.” He waited for the indignant squawk that usually came after an insult like that, but Shao Fei remained silent. Tang Yi sighed. It was hard to reconcile this Shao Fei with the Shao Fei he’s known for two years.

That Shao Fei would never be caught dead letting Tang Yi feed him, and he certainly would never let him get away with calling him a little kid. That Shao Fei walked tall and spoke loudly, carrying himself with a sense of pride as an officer of the law. This Shao Fei seemed to be a shadow of his former self, washed out and quiet, trying his hardest to blend in to his surroundings. Briefly, Tang Yi wondered if he’d ever see that first Shao Fei again.

His thoughts were interrupted by the shrill ringing of his phone. He checked the caller ID. It was Ah De. Probably asking if he was coming in to work. He sighed.

“Answer it.” Tang Yi glanced between Shao Fei and his phone. He’d answer it here, but he didn’t want Shao Fei to start thinking he was a burden again, keeping him from his job.  “Answer it,” the man repeated. “It’s okay if you have to leave the room.” Tang Yi paused.

“Are you sure?” he asked. Truthfully, he’d rather be close by in case Shao Fei needed help with something. Shao Fei nodded.

“I’ll be fine for a few minutes while you answer that.” The call went to voicemail, and almost immediately started ringing again. This time it was Jack. “They’re just gonna keep calling.” Nodding, Tang Yi left the room, going to his office to answer the call.

As predicted, Jack was wondering where he was and if he was coming to work. 

“Actually…” he replied, searching for an excuse. Finding none, he said, “I’m taking the rest of the week off. There’s a family emergency I need to deal with.” There was a pause on the other end.

“A family emergency?” He knew that Jack knew it was bullshit. Everyone knew his only family was Hong Ye, and she was perfectly fine.

“Yes.” His tone invited no questions. Another pause. Tang Yi could practically see Jack playing with his knife as he decided whether to press him for details.

“Okay Boss, if you say so,” said Jack, finally. “I guess I can tell the investors that you…” Tang Yi temporarily stopped listening as he heard a thud from the bedroom. It didn’t sound heavy enough to be Shao Fei falling out of bed. Maybe he accidentally knocked the tray over. Tang Yi disregarded it. “... reschedule the meeting with Unison Marine Corp?”

“What was that last thing you said?” he asked. “I got distracted.” Jack let out a heavy sigh, letting Tang Yi know exactly how much he was being inconvenienced.

“I said, when should the meeting with Unison Marine Corp be rescheduled?” Tang Yi hummed.

“I’m not sure when I’ll be back, to be honest,” he replied. “Tell them that I’ll have someone let them know.”

“Got it. See you when I see you.”   WIth that, Jack hung up and Tang Yi made his way back to the bedroom.

When he returned, however, Shao Fei was nowhere to be found. “Shao Fei?” Tang Yi called, confused. “Shao Fei, where are you?” The bed was empty, sheets in a messy pile on the floor, looking as if Shao Fei had scrambled out of them in a panic, half eaten bowl of congee overturned as well. The tray was almost certainly the cause of the thud he had heard earlier, laying upside down on the floor.

Quickly, Tang Yi began checking some of the nearby rooms, calling for Shao Fei but receiving no answer. The other man was still limping, so he couldn’t have made it down the stairs in the time it took Tang Yi to finish his call. He walked back into the bedroom.

“Shao Fei, please answer me,” he called, almost pleading now as he began to get more anxious. He checked that all of the windows were still shut and locked- they were- as awful scenarios began to run through his head. Had Shao Fei hurt himself? Had he done even worse? “Shao Fei!”

A whimper from the bathroom caught his attention. Tang Yi immediately stopped, instead following the sound. As he got closer, he heard crying and gasps for breath, and without thinking twice, he yanked the door open. The whimpering and crying sounds ceased as soon as the door opened, and Shao Fei was still nowhere in sight. He might’ve thought that he had imagined it, but a muffled gasp broke the silence. Tang Yi zeroed in on the cupboard underneath the sink. He crouched so that his face was level with it.

“Shao Fei? Are you- are you in there?” No words, but another gasp answered him. Tang Yi sat on the tile floor, trying to determine how best to proceed. “Shao Fei, I’m going to open the cupboard now, okay?” His warning did no good. As soon as he opened the cupboard, he was met with a shrill scream, a curled up Shao Fei pressing himself hard into a corner, terrified. Tears streamed down his face and his eyes, normally alert and observant, seemed to be seeing something far away. His mouth began moving, but Tang Yi could barely make out what he was saying. He strained his ears, but when he finally heard it, he wished that he hadn’t.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry…” Tang Yi watched helplessly as Shao Fei relived a nightmare he had only just escaped from. Unsure of what to do, he reached out a hand, hoping his touch would calm the man as it had done before. He grabbed Shao Fei’s hand, running his thumb over his bruised and scraped knuckles. Shao Fei stopped mumbling at least, but his body was still rigid, and the distant look was still in his eyes. Desperately, Tang Yi began to hum.

The tune was one that he had memorized a long time ago. It was one that he both loved and hated, reminding him that he had had a mother once, and that she may have loved him. Shao Fei relaxed at it though, body sagging. Carefully, Tang Yi pulled him out of the tiny space he had painfully squeezed himself into. Now holding him almost in his lap, he continued humming until awareness crept back into those big, dark eyes. Now Shao Fei just looked exhausted.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a whisper. “I-I…” He trailed off. Tang Yi carefully wiped the tears off of his face, only for them to be quickly replaced.

“It’s alright,” he replied. “Are you okay? What happened?” Shao Fei let out a shaky breath.

“I don’t kn-know,” he said, sounding as helpless as Tang Yi felt. “I was- I was f-fine and then- and- and then I knock- I knocked over the tr-tray and I was there again-” His face crumpled once again as he dissolved into more tears. Shao Fei hid his face in Tang Yi’s neck, muffling sobs that seemed to tear themselves out of his throat and shaking as hard as he had the night he came. Tang Yi just stroked the soft hair at the nape of his neck.

“You’re okay,” he whispered. “You’re safe, you’re not there anymore. I’ve got you, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” He whispered these assurances in a remarkably calm and comforting tone, almost as if he were speaking to a child. He had long ago learned not to let his voice betray his emotions. His voice was calm, but he felt like a pot that was threatening to boil over. When Shao Fei had come to him, Tang Yi was sad, and disgusted at what had been done to this poor man. Now, however, he was furious.

Who had done this to Shao Fei? What bastard had tortured him for days on end? What sick, filthy animal had terrorized this man so, and then had dared to mark him? As if he were cattle. As if he were property . Tang Yi needed a name.

“Shao Fei,” he said, once the other man had calmed down. “Please.” His voice cracked with the desperation he felt. Dark, tired eyes stared up at him. “I need you to tell me who did this to you.”

Chapter Text

“I thought he was my friend.” Shao Fei didn’t like the way his voice came out. Wavering and hoarse from crying. He sounded pathetic. Tang Yi didn’t seem to notice or care, waiting patiently for the other man to continue. Shao Fei cleared his throat. “We- we had just closed our case. Our guy had confessed. And we’d gotten a week and a half off, so we went out to celebrate.” 

“Who’s ‘we?’” Tang Yi asked, voice steady. Shao Fei swallowed.

“Sorry, uh-” he shook his head at his own forgetfulness. “My team. Team 3.” He licked his lips. “Me, Jun Wei, Yu Qi, Zhao Zi, and-” His breath stuttered for a moment. “And Ah Zhi.” Tang Yi nodded at him to keep going.

“I must’ve drunk more than I had planned,” Shao Fei said, a renewed feeling of shame heating his face and making it harder to look Tang Yi in the eye. “I barely even remember leaving. I think… Ah Zhi… got us a taxi. Took me back to my apartment.” Shao Fei paused to take a big, shuddery breath, willing the stone in the bottom of his stomach to dissolve. “I think I passed out. I woke up handcuffed to a pipe underneath my bathroom sink.” A long, silent moment passed between them.

“And this… Ah Zhi…” Tang Yi trailed off, seemingly struggling to find the words he needed. “He did this to you?” The stone in the pit of Shao Fei’s stomach had risen sharply to his throat. He clenched his teeth and tried to push it back down.

“Him,” he said finally, “and his friends.” He paused, wondering whether Tang Yi should hear this. But like a dam that had burst, it all came out whether he wanted it to or not. “It was four of them in total. They took- They took turns. Whenever I fought back or tried to get away, they hit me until I stopped.” Shao Fei swallowed hard.

“Did they use weapons or did they hit you with their bare hands?” Tang Yi’s voice was calm, but Shao Fei got the feeling that he was keeping himself in check. To keep from scaring him. God, he felt so pathetic.

“Sometimes bare hands. Sometimes it was whatever was in reach.”

“These men… they sexually assaulted you?” Bile rose in Shao Fei’s throat and he had to choke it down before he could answer. He could tell that Tang Yi was only confirming something he already knew. He had probably been able to tell as soon as he saw Shao Fei on his doorstep. Feeling exposed and ashamed, he lowered his eyes.

“Yes.” It was a whisper, shaky and barely audible.

There was no response from Tang Yi. Shao Fei braved a glance upwards and almost wished that he hadn’t. The other man’s face said everything he needed to know about his intentions toward Ah Zhi. If no one stopped Tang Yi, the man who had done such awful things to Shao Fei with a smile on his face would die. Slowly. But that’s not what made him sick to his stomach.

He… was okay with it. That was the worst part of all this. Before any of this happened, he would have been disgusted at the thought of someone killing in his name. He believed that true justice could only be obtained legally. But now it was oddly comforting. Knowing that Tang Yi would take care of it, would make sure that what happened to him could never happen again? It soothed the frightened parts of his mind, quieted the voices that whispered that he may have gotten away, but not for long. In a matter of days, a man that Shao Fei had trusted as a friend, as a brother, had destroyed the person he was and replaced him with a pale imitation.

“Shao Fei.” Tang Yi’s voice was quiet, but it was enough to get him to stop spiraling, at least for the time being. 

“Sorry,” he whispered. He didn’t say what he was sorry for. He wasn’t sure if he even knew. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Tang Yi replied. “Don’t ever apologize for anything that bastard-” Shao Fei stiffened as his voice suddenly grew harsher. Tang Yi cut himself off, taking a deep breath. “You don’t need to apologize for anything.” Shao Fei clenched his fist.

“But I do,” he insisted, voice still a hoarse whisper. “I’m living in your house, making you take care of me, making you miss work. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t gotten so drunk that night. I’m so stupid. This is all my faul-” A gentle hand on his cheek stopped any guilty thoughts Shao Fei had yet to release. Slowly, Tang Yi removed his hand.

“Please don’t say it’s your fault,” he begged, voice strained. “Please.” Tang Yi let out a deep sigh, running a hand through his hair which, though normally perfectly coiffed, had been laying flat lately. Shao Fei thought that it made him look younger. Less world weary. “You’re not making me do anything.” He paused, then huffed out a rueful laugh. “I can’t tell sometimes whether you think you’re a horrible burden or I’m a selfless saint.” Both, Shao Fei thought. 

“Neither is true,” Tang Yi said, softly but insistently. “I’m taking care of you because you’re hurt, and I… care about you.” For a moment, he sounded as surprised as Shao Fei. “I don’t want you to feel unsafe either, which I thought we established is why you’re staying here.” They had, but Shao Fei couldn’t stop wondering if Tang Yi was genuinely offering his home to him, or whether he had simply been trying to mitigate an impossible situation as best he could.

“Sor-” He cut himself off. “Thank you. For everything, Tang Yi.” The other man simply nodded and moved Shao Fei off of him, finally standing. He held out a hand for Shao Fei, hauling him up quickly. 

“Why don’t we go outside?” he suggested. “I think some fresh air will do us both some good.” Shao Fei nodded, following as Tang Yi led him down the stairs and outside to the pool. He couldn’t help but notice that he never let go of his hand. “I know you’re not in any shape to go swimming right now, but I always like to come out here when I need a place to calm my thoughts.” The unspoken offer warmed Shao Fei’s heart the slightest bit as he sat at the edge of the pool. He tapped the surface of the water and watched the resulting ripples for a moment.

“It’s nice.” It was more than nice. Shao Fei closed his eyes and let the sun warm him, from his skin, down to his muscles, and finally soaking into his bones. Tang Yi sat next to him. He sighed.

“Shao Fei,” he began, sounding unsure. Shao Fei opened his eyes. “I’m sure you know by now that I have ways outside of the law to… obtain retribution.” Shao Fei nodded, quietly marveling at this turn of events. Here Tang Yi was, outright admitting to an officer of the law that he has committed violent crimes against people for the purpose of revenge. The old, undamaged Shao Fei would have arrested him in a second. This Shao Fei simply waited.

“I don’t have to do that,” Tang Yi continued. “Not if you don’t want me to. I can have him arrested instead, if that’s what you want.” Shao Fei’s moment of peace was shattered as the blood in his veins ran ice cold.

“N-no one will believe me,” he replied. “He- there’s no evidence-” Tang Yi cut him off with a squeeze to his hand. He still hadn’t let go.

“Shao Fei,” he said, deceptively calm once again. “If there’s no evidence, we can plant it. If no one is willing to arrest him, I will convince them. I promise you, I can take care of everything. I don’t want you to worry about any of it. All I need to know is if that’s what you want.”

Shao Fei considered for a moment. This man had humiliated and violated him, had gotten so far into his mind that he was hearing his voice in his dreams, and had turned him into a shell of the man he once was. He had hurt him, had scared him, and scarred him. Years would pass, and Shao Fei would still carry the reminders of his horrific ordeal. All because of one man. He took a deep breath.

“No.” Tang Yi’s brow furrowed.

“No?” he asked, confused. “Shao Fei, he can’t be allowed to walk free. What if he does this to someone else? There has to be a consequence-” Shao Fei shook his head.

“Don’t have him arrested. I want you to… deal with him.” The grip on his hand tightened minutely. “Outside of the law.” Tang Yi’s eyes widened.

“Do you know what you’re asking?” Shao Fei nodded.

“I want you to make Zhou Guan Zhi pay.”

Chapter Text

“Boss.” Jack sounded surprised. “I thought you said you had a family emergency.”  

“Yeah, I know,” Tang Yi replied. “Listen, I need you to do some… research.” There was a pause on the other end of the line.

“Just research?” Tang Yi looked out at Shao Fei, still lying on his back by the pool, eyes closed.

“For now,” he said. “I need you to find out everything you can about Zhou Guan Zhi. He’s a police officer on Officer Meng’s team. I need to know where he lives, when he leaves, and where he goes. I also need to know who will be looking for him if he disappears.” Jack mumbled an affirmative, probably writing down the details. “Do you have all of that?”

"Zhou Guan Zhi, home address, comings and goings, and relationships. Got it Boss.”

“I need that information as soon as possible, and I need you to bring it to the house,” Tang Yi instructed. “Do not send it by email or over the phone, is that clear?”

“Crystal. I’ll get right on it.” Sighing, Tang Yi hung up. His gaze was still fixed on the officer outside. Shao Fei had been lying deathly still in the sun for the past ten minutes. He would have been worried about him getting sunburnt, but somehow he felt like he wouldn’t give a damn either way. And hey, if soaking up harmful UV radiation would make Shao Fei feel even the tiniest bit better, Tang Yi just didn’t have the heart to stop him. He wondered when he had become so soft. He wondered also when Shao Fei had hardened, but he supposed it had happened at the same time. Shao Fei’s words from before echoed in his mind.

I want you to make Zhou Guan Zhi pay. He never would have expected it from the younger man. Meng Shao Fei, as he had known him before, was annoying, sure, but Tang Yi had often had to admit that he was very good at his job. Tough when needed, with the capacity to be gentle when the situation called for it. Tang Yi had seen him dealing with everyone from career criminals to frightened victims (not that Shao Fei needed to know that), and while the man could be straight up goofy at times, he was always serious and focused when he needed to be. And most of all, Shao Fei had never condoned torture, or murder, even in the name of justice.

He had been vague about what Zhou Guan Zhi had done to him, but Tang Yi’s imagination could all too easily fill in the blanks. Whatever those men had done to him, it had caused Shao Fei, even if temporarily, to completely abandon his morals. Tang Yi felt sick at the thought. Horrible visions ran through his head, almost mocking him. You didn’t save him. You didn’t even know.

Tang Yi sighed and shook his head. It wasn’t going to help Shao Fei to torture himself with what little information he had. Straightening up, he walked back outside and sat down next to the officer. Shao Fei cracked an eye open at his approach before closing it again. They sit in silence for a moment before Shao Fei took a shuddering breath.

“I’m not a good person.” Shao Fei’s voice was barely above a whisper. Shocked, all Tang Yi could do for a moment was stare. Shao Fei took a deep breath. “Anymore, I mean. I’m not a good person anymore.”

“Shao Fei, what-”

“I used to be, I think,” he continued. “Or at least I tried my best to be. Until I got drunk and let… him … make me into a monster.” Tang Yi kept staring, horrified.

“You’re not a monster, Shao Fei-” Shao Fei’s eyes snapped open.

“Aren’t I?” he asked, his voice louder now. “What kind of person asks a fucking mob boss to murder someone?! What kind of person-” He cut himself with a high, panicky laugh. “What kind of person is relieved to be living in a mob boss’s house, semi-permanently?! What kind of weak, fucked up person did he turn me into?!” At this, Shao Fei broke into heaving, gasping sobs. 

Tang Yi was at a loss. Shao Fei had built an identity around being a good cop, a good person, trying to do the right thing in every situation… and Zhou Guan Zhi had ripped that from him in only a few days. Instinctively, he gently helped Shao Fei into a sitting position, sliding in behind him and just… holding him. He let Shao Fei fall apart in his arms, feeling each sob in his chest, pressed close to the other man’s back, and feeling his heart wrench with each one. After few minutes, Shao Fei seemed to have cried himself out, slumping exhausted against Tang Yi’s chest. Tang Yi bent so that his lips were right next to Shao Fei’s ear.

“Listen to me, Meng Shao Fei,” he said quietly. “You are not a monster. You are not fucked up. You are certainly not weak.” Shao Fei made a tired sound of protest, which Tang Yi hushed. “Most importantly, you did not let him do what he did. I have never met anyone who has gone through even half of what you did and ended up sane or even alive afterward.” Tang Yi laid his hand over Shao Fei’s heart, still beating too rapidly for his comfort. “Do you understand how strong you are? Do you?”

A quiet sob was Shao Fei’s only answer.

“Meng Shao Fei, you are the strongest man I have ever met.” Tang Yi paused, and the only sounds were Shao Fei’s heavy, shuddering breaths, and birds singing in the distance. “You are, and I don’t know anyone who would blame you for asking for something that would make you feel safe.” Shao Fei’s hand came up to clutch at Tang Yi’s. His heartbeat was finally slowing.

“It’s wrong,” Shao Fei said quietly, in a tone that suggested that he didn’t quite believe it. “People shouldn’t be able to decide when someone else’s life ends.”

“You can do something wrong and still be a good person,” Tang Yi replied. “Especially in special circumstances, don’t you think?” Slowly, Shao Fei nodded, his heartbeat back to normal. “Good. Now let’s get you inside. I think we’ve both had a little too much sun, hmm?”

It took some finagling, with Tang Yi basically supporting Shao Fei’s entire weight, but he got him inside and sat him down on the couch in the living room. He put on a movie, some kids movie that he didn’t care to read about. As long as it could get Shao Fei’s mind off of his latest breakdown. Shao Fei’s eyes were swollen and red, his face puffy from crying. Now and then a lone tear would leak out of the corner of his eye, which he made no effort to wipe away. About twenty minutes into the movie is when he spoke again.

“You know, it’s going to be like this for a while,” he said lowly. At Tang Yi’s questioning look, he continued. “I worked with… survivors before. Sometimes they can have emotional up and downs for a while, breakdowns every other day. Random things can trigger a full out panic attack. Are you sure you want to deal with that?” Tang Yi’s brow furrowed.

“You know, I really don’t appreciate you trying to push me away at every opportunity.” Shao Fei’s eyebrows raised in surprise. He wasn’t expecting this response. “I don’t know how many times I have to say this, so I’ll keep saying it until I can get it through your thick skull. I want to take care of you. I want to help you. I don’t want you to deal with this on your own. I am here, and I will be here until you don’t need me anymore. Got it?” Shao Fei’s voice came out small again.

“But-”

“No buts.” Tang Yi cut him off. “If you need me forever, then I will be here forever.” The doorbell rang then, taking Tang Yi’s focus from the shocked look on Shao Fei’s face. “I’ll be right back. This conversation isn’t over.” With a sigh, he got up and walked toward the front door. He was not expecting the person behind it, however.

It was Shao Fei’s friend. Officer… Tang Yi wracked his brain, trying to come up with a name. Officer… Officer Zhao! That’s right, the short one who was always smiling. Although, he was far from smiling now. In fact, he was practically glowering at Tang Yi, arms crossed and mouth set in a hard line. Before Tang Yi could say anything, Officer Zhao spoke, voice sounding harsher than Tang Yi had ever heard it.

“Where’s Ah Fei?”