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I didn't think before,
that I'd deserve to know,
the beauty the world could hold.
I see you hold all of it in your smiles.
Your hope, you cradle it in your wings-
"Wolfwood?" A curious and eager voice snapped Wolfwood out of his focus. "What's that you're writing?"
His head snapped up, the book in his hands closed with the same movement. Wolfwood felt his face heating up as he hurriedly stuffed the thing by his side, out of view. "Nothin' -" he lied, face already heating up. "- you - um, shower alright?"
Vash's face was all warm smiles and languid movements as he dried the rest of his hair with his good arm. His eyes eventually glittered with mischief as he came closer to the priest, towel around his shoulders. He didn't miss Wolfwood scoot away from him from the bed.
"You can't get books very easily," Vash stated. He sat on the opposite end from Wolfwood. "You must have paid a pretty chunk of money to have that. When did you get it?"
Two years ago, Wolfwood would have chased back this curiosity with a defensive snap. That was two years ago, though. Two years ago, and Wolfwood had been a lot more dishonest compared to the man he was now.
"Roberto suggested it to me, once." Vash's expression immediately changed to something more - sad. Sorrowful. Pained. Wolfwood hated to see it, but he continued, voice already thickening with choked up emotions. "Put... somethin' into writin' - so I wouldn't forget it. I found that writin' came a bit easier to me after that. So, durin' the two years... I kept writin' in this book. Still do, clearly." He ended it with a half hearted chuckle.
Vash's eyes shifted to where Wolfwood had hidden the book. He was still curious, clearly, but Wolfwood's explanation had subdued his mischief enough into respectful consideration for his privacy.
Vash's smile was soft when he asked: "Would you be willing to show it to me, sometime?"
Wolfwood found himself nodding like an idiot before he even fully processed the question. It made Vash brighten with a smile that caused a choking surge of emotions in his chest as he looked at the man. Wolfwood briefly considered how an angel could look like that, let alone look at him like that, when a small kiss to the fluff of his hair made him snap out of his reverie to notice Vash had mumbled to him that he was going to sleep.
He felt the bed bounce a little as Vash plopped down on his side behind him. There was a sigh, as Vash lay down with relief and let himself enjoy the comfort of a real bed in a long time. They'd been movin' for a while this time; resting against Angelina II was doable but not at all comfortable. Even Wolfwood could agree that his back had felt the worst its been for the passed week.
It had also been a while since either of them had heard from their friends Meryl and Milly. Wolfwood was going to have to remember to radio them tomorrow and update them how they were doing.
He was still getting used to it - having friends to keep in contact with.
"Nicooo." A voice behind him whined. It was the voice of someone very needy and deprived.
He was going to have to get used to this, too.
Wolfwood let himself get drawn to the siren's call; drawn out of the shirt he had thrown on after his shower where it got discarded on the floor and he let himself get lured onto the bed. Turning to his partner, who was laying in the covers, was a mistake.
Vash looked at him with such soft and open affection that it got his chest seizing up in the most suffocating of ways and his eyes felt like he had the urge to blink the tears threatening to show themselves. His angel was laying there, lax(around someone like him) and with an open arm, waiting for him to crawl to him for rest. Wolfwood was breathless at such a beauty.
Eventually, he got the willpower to keep moving, feeling his body flush embarrassingly with the emotions surging up within him. He felt too hot and too cold at the same time as he let Vash draw him in to his chest and he wrapped his arm around Wolfwood to bring him close. Wolfwood let himself burrow into that warmth, breathing in a scent that felt like home and a perfect hiding place to try to fade out of existence for letting himself enjoy such a thing. He felt a shudder escape and roll over his whole person. He thought he was going to collapse in on himself until calming kisses were touched to his hair. He felt Vash, ever the sharp one, start languidly loving him as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
It felt wonderful. It felt horrible. It felt like Wolfwood wasn't allowed to have this. He felt the body against his underneath him. Vash was warm and he smelt wonderful. He couldn't believe he had someone this amazing right here and openly giving him affection like right now.
'Why are you doing this?'(I'm not someone who needs this).
'I'm strong, too, I can do without it.'(I can't stand up to this).
'I should be the one doing this to you.'(I don't deserve this).
"More..." Wolfwood felt his face burn for asking. He half hoped Vash didn't hear him. He shut his eyes tightly and hoped to disappear.
But Vash clearly must have, for he felt a gentle hand pull his chin up and Wolfwood felt his entire soul seizing as Vash drew him in for a gentle kiss. Wolfwood had to remember to breathe through his nose before he broke everything off early. He didn't want this to end - couldn't believe this was happening to him right now as Vash almost lazily lead the kiss. The relaxed way he kissed him was making his eyes prick with tears again, and he kept his eyes closed to try to spare himself before he saw a light through his eyelids. When he finally pulled back to breathe, he opened his eyes to take in the lightly feathered and marked up face of his lover.
He really did cry, then.
Tears finally streamed from the corners of his eyes and sniffles from a broken man had Vash cooing and kissing his cheeks soothingly as he crumbled. He felt the purring underneath him before he heard it and he let it ground him like a lifeline. He sagged into Vash's care and let his angel take him up into heaven with a smile into their next kiss and a supporting arm to keep Wolfwood to his chest. The way Wolfwood cupped his face(careful to avoid jostling the feathers) felt like the reverence to something holy. Almost scared, almost like one wrong move would have Vash throwing him away(even if he never would) with offense. Wolfwood stroked his cheeks as he kissed him with the gentleness of a breeze like he so loved to compare Vash to. He was like air who helped him breathe, though others may call him a Typhoon. Right now, Wolfwood only felt love and a loyalty almost like to a religion.
For the only being Nicholas Dante Wolfwood found himself believing in was Vash.
Vash, who held and loved him like he was someone precious.
Vash, who always forgave him even when Wolfwood really deserved to be condemned.
Vash, who again and again kept on supporting him and believing in him even when Wolfwood stopped doing it for himself.
Wolfwood wanted to be better for him. God, did he want to.
When they separated, it was with a breathless gasp and sharing the same hot air between them as they panted. Wolfwood shared a half lidded stare with the angel underneath him. Vash looked gorgeous; a bit of drool at the edge of his mouth and his hair unkempt. Feathers framed his face and his markings softly illuminated the room around them. On him, his arm around his back, Wolfwood felt safe in a way he hadn't felt in two years. It felt like a dunk into boiling water - the realization. They'd shared nights together for so long now , but none of them...
... none of them had felt like this .
Wolfwood was so in love.
"Nico?" Vash asked softly, having caught his breath. Maybe it was his imagination, but Wolfwood felt like Vash kept his voice so much more soft. Almost like he was cautious of ruining the moment. It drew Wolfwood back, eyes focusing on soft love and curiously questioning.
Wolfwood wanted to answer him, felt the words choke him, and burrowed into the chest underneath him with shuddered breaths.
He felt Vash slightly shift, and the next thing he knew was warm covers being drawn up over the both of them. He felt himself get covered up to the top of his head, a comforting arm squeezing him and letting him take his time floating in the warmth and feeling of home. At some point, he had stopped crying, but his eyes stung with the newly awakened urge as he settled again. Time felt unreal, and the hand rubbing his back and the purring under his head had him starting to get lulled to sleep. He felt the nagging at the back of his mind that threatened to uproot all the comfort he currently had, but the hand rubbing his back would ground him back to the purrs underneath him and the smell of geraniums.
He didn’t know how Vash did it - to make him feel safe. Vash so often mourned the chaos that supposedly followed his heels and the problem he was for just simply existing, but did all of that have any place when Wolfwood was brought such peace in his scent and arms? Vash seemed to not be pushing him away either, letting himself be selfish too by holding Wolfwood and enjoying(somehow) loving him. The thought made some warmth grow in his chest, because Vash usually denied himself so much.
Wolfwood didn’t want him to deny himself of him.
He selfishly wanted Vash’s love too. Sometimes, that felt horrible.
But he’d gone two years - two years with a fever and a carefully washed coat. Two years of choked up words written in a journal he treated with the reverence of a bible. Two years of things he wished he could have said when he had the chance.
Well, now he does, technically.
Wolfwood pulled himself out of sleep’s clutches, not knowing how long he dozed, but knowing that it was at least still night and they could catch up on some much needed rest. He knew he was keeping himself up, but nothing mattered more than nosing his way up to face the equally dozing angel who blinked sleepily at him when he moved. The hand that had been petting his hair went down to his waist to stroke the skin there as they looked at each other.
“I - Vash…” The words died on him and he cursed himself silently, chest tight. Vash made it hard to speak when he looked so lovingly at him like that - damn it all! The way he made him lose control of his emotions was ridiculous.
“Yes, Nico?” He sounded so sleepy, so content and briefly, Wolfwood felt guilty for keeping him up like this. With this.
Admiring the feathers framing Vash’s face for a moment, he breathed in a calming breath to steel himself. “I love you.” He whispered.
Vash seemed to glow brighter, smile breaking out wide and the dimples on his cheeks were so cute that Wolfwood was dying to kiss them. “I love you too, Nico.”
So kiss them he did.
He kissed them, and every inch of Vash’s face afterwards with the same love that Vash did, kissing his head to soothe him. Vash shuddered with every kiss that got pressed to his markings, to every feather as Wolfwood worshiped him, and his tears that fell got caught by gentle hands that held his face to receive love. Eventually, Wolfwood was guided back down to breathless kisses and they feverishly got caught up in them again in a lull where they chased away each other’s ability to think clearly.
It turned out really easy to lose track of time, too, when busy making up for lost time.
When they noticed the sun was starting to rise at some point, they decided that it wouldn’t be horrible to sleep in and crash for a few days this time.
A journal also opened up to curious baby blues, and Vash took a peek at a life Wolfwood lived in yearning for salvation.