Chapter Text
So there was one time a Zora asked me to find his missing wife who had gone fishing in the nearby river, right?
I was like, okay, I can't imagine she's gone too far.
So I go down to where she was supposed to be fishing, right? But she's not there. But that's not unexpected, because I figured "Well if she's in the same place then she would have come back by now, right?"
So I notice the river is flowing pretty fast downstream, so I’m like, "Okay, maybe she got washed down the river." So I start to follow the stream.
And I keep going.
*pause*
And going.
*pause*
And soon the sun is going down and I'm like "Even I’m not stupid enough to get washed down a river this far.
*pause*
So I just make a fire and get a bit of sleep, and in the morning I set out again.
Well now the river has flowed into Hylia River. Which is miles away from Zora’s domain. And I go all the way through West Necluda and into fucking Faron until I reach Lake Hylia. Anyone with basic knowledge of Hyrule's geography knows that this is as far as you can possibly go down that river.
So I find a boat on the lakeside and start rowing around the lake.
At first i don't see anything, but then I see this tiny red dot all the way on the other side of the lake.
And I’m like.
*leans over squinting into the distance*
"You have got to be fucking kidding me."
*pause*
So I row over there, thinking "there's no way. there's no way in hell."
*pause*
Well apparently there is a way in hell.
So I finally reach this lady and she sees me like "HEY I NEED HELP" and I’m thinking damn right you do.
And she tells me she got sidetracked while fishing, and now she's in Lake Hylia without the fish she actually needed. And then she asks me
"I'm so tired though, I don't think I can get those fish if I tried. But I don't think I can go home without them."
And I’m like
*pause*
Mother Hylia up above.
Now, anyone who has heard my stories before knows I’m a bit of a chronic collector.
And it just so happens that I have on hand the exact fish she needs. and I'm like "Oh, here!" and she's like "Oh no no, I need ten."
*pause*
I have nine.
So I have to go all the way back to fucking Tabantha to get Chillfin Trout. I have no goddess damn clue how she thought she could get it in the places where she was fishing because they don't exist there.
I finally get one, it's got a chip in one fin but I’m like I’m not putting any more effort into this than necessary, she's gonna take this and she's gonna like it.
So I go aaaalll the way back to Lake Hylia thinking If she asks for anything else I'm fucking leaving her there.
Thankfully, she doesn't! She takes the fish and leaves.
So I go back to Zora’s domain because her husband promised me something if I could find her. So I find the guy and he's like "Thanks so much! I don't have much to give you but here's this."
Do you know what this motherfucker gave me?
*pause*
One chillfin trout.
And he says "We only needed nine so you can have this one."
*pause as he makes the most tired deadpan face you've ever seen*
And I look at it.
And I notice it has a chip off one fin.
*pause*
And I’m like.
No.
No way.
And so I look this guy in the eye. And I drop the fish off the edge of the bridge into the water below Zora’s Domain. Without a word.
Because you know what kind of fish lives in the area around Zora’s Domain?
*pause*
Chillfin. Fucking. Trout.