Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There are two things Jay knows. One, that he is one hundred percent straight, and two, that he is definitely not in love with Yoon Jongwoo, no matter what everyone else (everyone else, alternatively known as Shen Quanrui) says. He may have maybe one brain cell at most, but that's two things he's sure about.

(And also that the platonic making out with Beomhan back in MONT means nothing at all, considering how it had simply been two heterosexual homies kissing each other goodnight. Okay, one heterosexual homie and one homie of undisclosed sexuality, considering how the way Beomhan gushes about that one hot staff member whenever he calls Jay is rapidly bordering on the edge of simping.)

Still, hanging out with his fellow North American boys (minus Brian, of course, who'd unfortunately fallen prey to the clutches of the urban legend known only as the second eliminations) never fails to make him question that.

(The existence of his singular brain cell, that is. Not his sexuality. That's just a straight line and everyone knows it.)

"Sung Hanbin is a motherfucking idiot," Matthew groans, shovelling pancakes into his mouth at the speed of light. Jay's not exactly sure if he should fear for Matthew's teeth or the fork---if crunch time literally comes around, he's not sure if stainless steel would actually stand a chance against the rage of a very hungry homosexual.

Kamden peeks up from his own plate, looking slightly terrified for his life---well, as terrified as Na Kamden, professional NPC, can look, anyway. "What did he do this time?"

"Everything," Matthew complains, before dramatically dropping himself onto the table, face-forward (fortunately, Jay's instincts have improved slightly from sports day---the trauma of having Kim Jiwoong drag your literally unprepared ass halfway across a field does something to you---because he manages to shove Matthew's plate away just in time).

Kamden raises an eyebrow, fork pausing in mid-air. "That's...um...not very helpful."

"I thought he would ask me out for real after we kissed the other day! But it's been---what, two days, and he still hasn't asked me to be his boyfriend yet!" Matthew whines. "We've even fucked since then! Several times!"

"How do they fuck several times in two days?" Jay whispers, sliding his hand over his mouth.

Kamden groans, sounding like he died fifty years ago. "Don't question it."

"I can hear you, by the way," Matthew huffs, putting both hands on his hips. "And for the record, there's this thing known as fucking multiple times in one day."

"How does he even dance?" Jay mumbles.

"How am I supposed to know?" Kamden mutters back.

"With the power of black coffee and painkillers. Also, Woonggi gave me some tips," Matthew replies. (Jay's not entirely sure what kind of tips would keep an ass somewhat intact even after the pounding of the century, but then again, Taerae's covered in hickeys twenty-four-seven and he still manages to walk relatively straight most of the time, so maybe bottoms are just built different.)

"Have you tried...you know, asking him to be your boyfriend instead? Making the first move?" Jay suggests.

Matthew gives him a stare so incredulous that Jay feels every single ball in his body shrivel up and die. "Why would I do that?"

"But---"

"Jay Chang," Matthew starts, sounding extremely affronted. (In Jay's defense, it had sounded like a perfectly reasonable suggestion. Also in Jay's defense, by the way Kamden's wrinkling his nose, it really does sound like a perfectly reasonable suggestion. Then again, Kamden agrees with like, ninety percent of what Jay says, so maybe he isn't really the best idea for a sample size after all.) "I have pride, okay?"

"Pretty much fainted in front of everyone when Sung Hanbin kissed you the other day," Kamden points out, and Matthew smacks him in the arm.

"Temporary lapse in judgement. Definitely not my proudest moment."

"I don't know, Yujin says you looked pretty proud of yourself---" Jay starts. And because Matthew has a fork in his hand and enough muscle to do some pretty decent damage, he shuts up. (Shutting up is always good. Shutting up is the best way to avoid getting evil edited---Ricky's a prime example of that, considering how his main job's gradually morphed into the great task of sitting still and looking pretty, for the sole reason of being a Chinese contestant without some variation of Hao in his name. Then again, Jay's shut up as much as he can, and all he's gotten is the invisible man edit, so maybe he really should start talking again.)

"Point is," Matthew sighs. "I have been flinging myself at that man for years and all he does is fanservice with the most unsingle guy in Planet Camp! Like, you literally had your cock in my ass! Is it too much to ask for your last name too?"

Kamden shoots Jay a stare that practically screams help me. Jay can't offer anything but a shrug in response.

"Never be gay, kids," Matthew laments, fingers fiddling with the ring on his finger as he flops down on the table again. Jay doesn't have the heart to tell him that they're both older than him. And also that Kamden is...not entirely straight, if the profession of bisexuality he'd once admitted to Jay is to be taken seriously. Then again, Kamden had also been extremely sleep-deprived when he'd said that---the product of being kicked out of his room so many times due to Park Hanbin and Taerae contracting the unfortunate disease known as extreme horniness, until Jay had to sneak his best friend into the Over Me room just so he could get one iota of sleep---so honestly, Jay's not sure if he'd really been coherent enough to think straight. (Or rather, un-straight, because there is nothing straight about admitting that you like both men and women to your best friend before promptly passing out on said best friend's bed.)

Jay blinks. "Actually, how did you realise that you were gay?" (He's not sure why he's even bothering to ask, actually. It's not like he's gay. Or even questioning it. He is absolutely, completely, one hundred percent straight, no matter how fine Jongwoo looks when he's running practice like the military and also when---okay, maybe Ricky's rubbing off on him a little too much. Not literally, obviously, because Ricky has a boyfriend and Jay's no homewrecker. He's a pussy wrecker at best---and that may be his cue to stop thinking.)

"Um, I put a fruit roll-up under my pillow one time so the magical gay fairy would come overnight and when I woke up the next day, I liked men," Matthew states, raising one eyebrow at Jay like it should be the most obvious thing in the world.

"Really?"

"Of course not, you fucking dumbass. What do you think?"

"That the magical gay fairy came overnight and when you woke up, you liked men?"

"I'm going to shoot myself," Matthew groans. "I already deal with enough of this shit from Hanbin, and we're literally fucking. What part of I keep falling into your arms because I want you to catch me and kiss me is so hard to---"

Kamden sighs, reaching over to gently slip one of Jay's hands into his own. (Kamden has nice fingers. They're long and thick and kind of knobbly. Which is a perfectly heterosexual thought to have, so fuck you, Ricky.) "I thought I only liked women until I met this one guy. He's just---" His words catch in his throat, and for a moment, Jay swears Na Kamden, professional NPC and bearer of one singular expression per day, actually blushes. (He totally does not file the memory away for teasing purposes, because he's a good friend. Totally not.) "Incredible. He's incredible. He makes me feel...all kinds of ways. Like there's butterflies in my stomach. Being with him makes me feel like I might explode with happiness."

Matthew perks up immediately, grinning slyly. "Aww, does our Kam have a crush?"

"I do not!"

"You totally do!" Matthew cackles. "Is it someone on the show?"

"No!" Kamden goes fifty shades of red, which lets Jay know immediately that it totally is, and hanging around Woonggi so much must really be rubbing off on him, because the squeal that Jay lets out sounds far too similar to Matthew's and nothing at all like his own. (Fuck it. He can always say it was his turn for the babygirl agenda, if anyone asks.)

"Who is it?" Jay questions, giving Kamden his best puppy eyes. (In all honesty, he's more invested in the crush itself rather than the subject of the crush. As long as Kamden isn't crushing on Jongwoo. Wait, why does he care if Kamden's crushing on Jongwoo? He shouldn't, because obviously, he does not like Jongwoo. But something about the idea of Kamden crushing on Jongwoo makes Jay feel a little sick to his stomach, like something's wrapping one steel tendril around his organs and pulling.)

When Kamden shakes his head, clamping his lips tight, Jay presses his face up close to his best friend's own, their cheeks almost touching. To his surprise, instead of moving away, Kamden's eyes widen, face flushing scarlet. (Maybe he's having mild heatstroke. Jay is pretty hot, after all, if he does say so himself.)

Matthew's gaze pinballs between the two of them before his eyes widen too, realisation settling into his expression. (Maybe he's having mild heatstroke as well. Jay's just that hot.) "Oh."

Jay arches an eyebrow up to his brow. "Oh?"

"Oh, as in oh, I know something you don't," Matthew sing-songs, a grin that the Cheshire Cat (or Itzy-sunbaenims, maybe) would be proud of stretching itself across his face. Fucking brat. Jay mentally hopes Sung Hanbin fucks Matthew's ass a little harder tonight. Feels bad for the thought. Reminds himself that Matthew, the kinky little shit, would actually probably be into that so really, thinking this kind of shit is doing him a favour. Panic flashes across Kamden's features (or, well, as much panic as his one expression a day quota allows), and Matthew hastily backtracks. "I mean, I'm not going to tell, but you're sooo obvious about it. I'm surprised he hasn't caught on yet."

"Who is it? Come on, you guys know and I don't. That's not fair," Jay whines, stretching himself across the table Matthew-style. (Man, he really has been hanging around them too much. Maybe he should hang out with one of his slightly straighter friends for once---then again, Keita has a whole-ass boyfriend, so that's not really saying much.

"Not telling!" Matthew chirps, looking way too smug in comparison to Kamden's baseline completely-dead-inside stare. Jay promptly turns the puppy eyes onto him, and Matthew raises an eyebrow. "Jay, you know those don't work on anyone except Kamden and Jongwoo, and that's because they're completely whipped for you."

Jay pouts, shovelling up a forkful of his pancakes and shoving it into his mouth. Honey-butter. He could get used to this. The Planet Camp food isn't exactly terrible, but there's something about pancakes at one in the morning (why the hell the shop is still open at this time, he'll never know) that makes life a bit better. "Worth a shot." He peeks over at Kamden's plate. "Is that buttermilk?"

"Yeah?"

Kamden must see the hope in Jay's eyes (in his defence, he's got broad shoulders, which means he's got a pretty decently-sized chest---which also means that he has a big heart and everyone can see that. And also that he has pretty decent tiddies, which everyone can obviously see too), because he finally cracks the slightest hint of a smile, something fond flooding his gaze. Affectionate, almost. (Jay can hear Matthew fake-gagging in the background. Fuck you too, Matthew. Let him steal his friend's buttermilk pancakes in peace.) "Want some?"

They've done this before. It's not uncommon for all of them. In fact, it's less common to be not sharing food (which is probably why they've already created a new variant of flu in Planet Camp, but Jay tries not to think too hard about that). Jay himself's nabbed food off Kamden's plate more than once (with consent, of course, because consent is always sexy), and vice versa. So Jay pushes his plate towards his best friend (because sharing is caring and maybe Kamden wants a bite of honey-butter goodness too) and obediently waits for Kamden to slide his own plate over.

Kamden's plate most decidedly does not move.

Before Jay can start mentally whining about the ethics of offering your best friend buttermilk pancakes and then holding said pancakes hostage (only in his head, of course, because his reputation is already bad enough without adding rumours of an attitude problem into the whole mess), something materialises in the air in front of his face. He glances up, confused.

There is a fork in front of him.

There's also a generous chunk of pancake speared on said fork, which leads Jay to the conclusion that it's for him. Without thinking, he darts forward, lips parting as his mouth fills with heavenly fluffiness and the slightest hint of sugar. Too late, his teeth clamp down on his metal, and Jay quickly realises that he's staring up at Kamden, nothing but Jay's own lashes and the blush rapidly spreading over Kamden's face keeping their gazes from meeting. (And also that the way he's looking up at Kamden is suspiciously similar to being in the cocksucking position, but Jay wouldn't know anything about that. He's never sucked a dick before, after all. The closest he'd ever come to that had been the brojob Beomhan had given him once, but the first rules of brojobs is that they don't talk about said brojobs.)

A beat too slow, Jay quickly pulls his mouth off Kamden's fork, feeling his own cheeks heat. Kamden goes even redder, and for a moment, Jay forgets how to chew, because holy fuck, Kamden is cute when he blushes. (In a totally, completely, hundred percent heterosexual way, of course. Kamden is his best bro, his favourite homie, his partner in crime, and Jay is definitely not into him at all.) Then his teeth finally figure out how to work, and he swallows as quickly as he can, his mouthful of pancake somehow even sweeter now as it slides down his throat.

"Um. Good?" Kamden manages to get out, voice cracking ever so slightly.

Jay's not entirely sure why his face feels like it's on fire. Maybe it's because Kamden's so red that he looks like he's about to explode and Jay likes to consider himself an empath from time to time, so Kamden's mortification is obviously rubbing off on him. "Yeah," he replies. His voice squeaks embarrassingly at the end. Fuck. "Good."

For a moment, they just stare at each other, Kamden's dark eyes, so much like twin pools of black marble, boring into his own. Jay feels like he's about to go up in flames, burning and burning and burning until---

The slam of a pair of hands on the table sends him careening back to reality, tearing his gaze away from his best friend's. Matthew's standing up, looking like he wants to throttle them both---one by one and then at the same time, just for good measures. "Can you! Two! Just! Fuck! Already!" he yelps, punctuating each word with a rather unnecessary exclamation mark. He whirls away in a huff. "Seriously, can you guys just bone it out of your system right here and now so we can get rid of some of this stupid sexual tension?" Matthew drops one hand over his eyes, glancing away. "I'll even look away if you want!"

"Matthew-yah, we're not going to fuck---" Kamden starts.

"Then stop making me third wheel you two! I signed up for one a.m. pancakes, not staring at idiots in love!"

"I'm not gay---" Jay tries.

"I will shoot myself right here in the middle of this stupid pancake shop if you say another word." Matthew scoops up the most forceful forkful of food that Jay's ever seen in his life and shoves it into his mouth. Jay mentally says a prayer for his teeth. "Even though they do really make fantastic pancakes."

Before Matthew can go about committing death by vaguely homosexual undertones, an overly cheerful, "GIIIRLLL!" blasts from his back pocket.

"I like that song, okay?" Matthew defends wildly as Kamden desperately tries to peel Jay off the table, where he's already staining the wood cry-laughing. "Oh, shit, it's Zhang Hao. Hello?"

"It's nearly two a.m. and we have practice at eight," Zhang Hao squawks over the line, loud and clear even without being put on speaker. Matthew's audible wince and the way he claps his hand over his ears says it all. "Tell those two lovebirds that they have five minutes to get back here and fucking sleep for once. Park Hanbin is losing his shit. Okay, well, he really isn't---he's actually pretty chill about the whole thing---but it's not like you know that."

("Tell them to name their baby after me!" Park Hanbin yells from somewhere in the background. Zhang Hao definitely ignores him.)

"But the pancake shop is ten minutes away!" Kamden protests.

"We're not lovebirds!" Jay exclaims. "I'm not even gay!"

(Even though Kamden feeding him barely five minutes ago had been probably the single most gayest moment in his life, possibly even beating out the brojob---wait, no, he's just remembered the time he'd leapt into Jongwoo's arms upon entering the Over Me room. That had been even gayer.)

"What do you mean two?" Matthew whines. "I exist too, you know!"

"You're Hanbin's problem, not ours," Zhang Hao replies. "Whether you wake up in time for practice or not is his issue to deal with, not mine. My problem is the frat boy."

(Jay resents that. It had been one frat. Okay, fine, two, but it's not like that changes anything.)

Amidst Matthew's indignant complaints of, "Hao-hyung, I thought you cared!" Jay glances worriedly at his best friend. If Zhang Hao and Park Hanbin have joined forces to hunt their asses down (and also to name their future, hypothetical, completely nonexistent baby), it means they're screwed. Which also means that there's only one thing left to do.

"Want to trade?"

Kamden slides his plate over with a sigh.