Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Milesperhour added Snaredrum, punktactics, and chaichaiteatea to the group .

Milesperhour: hi

Snaredrum: hey question did you just make a fucking interdimensional groupchat

Milesperhour: yeah

Snaredrum: holy shit

Snaredrum: nice

Milesperhour: thanks i’ve lost about a week of sleep on this

chaichaiteatea: ooo this is fun

chaichaiteatea: ヾ(*´ ∇ `)ﾉ

Milesperhour: why am i not surprised you use kaomojis

Snaredrum: hes just so full of whimsy

chaichaiteatea: i am indeed !!

chaichaiteatea changed their nickname to Pav

Pav: there, that’ll make it easier for the author. My username is loooong

Milesperhour : the who

Snaredrum: yeah uh what

Pav: wouldn’t you like to know newsboy (*≧∀≦*)

Milesperhour: don’t you mean weatherboy

Pav: no? Wait oh my god our memes are different

Snaredrum changed their nickname to gwen

gwen: okay see in my dimension it’s newsboy too

Milesperhour: wild. also is it really a meme or more of a cultural moment

gwen: cultural moment def

Pav: agreed cultural moment

gwen: anyway i got class cya

Pav: have fun! Or dont!

Milesperhour: pav by any chance do you speak spanish i need a partner for this assignment

Pav: just english and hindi sorry (╥_╥)

punktactics: arent u literally fluent in french

Pav: yeah but i’m not proud of it

Milesperhour: hey hobie

Milesperhour: also why are you fluent in french

punktactics: hey

Pav: got bored :) 

Milesperhour: you learnt french because you were bored?

Pav: it was a three day weekend and Geyatri wasn’t in town ૮ ・ﻌ・ა

Milesperhour: is that a dog

punktactics: yeah i think

Milesperhour: i’m not even gonna question it

Milesperhour: i know spanish bc mami speaks it at home with me

Milesperhour: also working on ASL

punktactics: i know makaton and im picking up welsh

Pav: welsh???

Milesperhour: what tf is welsh. Also makaton??

punktactics: makaton is like sign language but not

punktactics: welsh is from wales

Pav: i’m assuming you don’t mean the animal

punktactics: nah m8 i just wanted to have a natter with the marine life 

Milesperhour: i think u should add british to that list

punktactics: alright don’t get ur whickers in a twist

Pav: now you’re just doing it on purpose >:( 

punktactics: maybe

Milesperhour: what if i just started speaking spanish huh. 

Milesperhour: what then

punktactics: google translate

Pav: i thought you said google was a capitalist conglomerate who will literally sell every human soul for the promise of money

punktactics: yeah

Pav: ????? SO

punktactics: convenient

Pav: कुतिया मैं भगवान की कसम खाता हूँ

punktactics: u love me really

Milesperhour: sidenote hindi is so pretty

gwen: okay i got kicked out of class hey

punktactics: alright

gwen: did i sound upset??

Pav: i think he’s being british again (｡´╹A╹｀｡)

Milesperhour: we need a hobie translator

punktactics: oh piss off

punktactics: anyway theres a riot w/ rozzers i gtg gonna bash some heads

gwen: soo anyone wanna guess what a rozzer is

Pav: according to google it’s a cop

Milesperhour: ahh right

Milesperhour: he can never meet my dad

gwen: or mine

gwen: i will say tho the cops in hobie’s dimension are like 10 times worse than mine

Milesperhour: oh yeah fully support him just don’t wanna have him on my dad’s ass yk

Pav: but the enrichment in his enclosure :( 

Milesperhour: we’ll get him a chew toy.

-

Dear diary.

Today was great! Got a little bit scary with the building falling, but apparently Spider-Man made an appearance! Wild! I hear that guy has totally amazing hair. Now I am going to do my homework :) 

-

Dear real diary, 

I HATED today. Oh my god. It was so stressful - WHO’S IDEA WAS IT TO HAVE AN ENTIRE WARDROBE OF SCISSORS THAT FELL ON ME AS I WAS WEBBING THE BUILDING???? Yes, that lady was a seamstress, and she was very apologetic, but there’s gotta be a point where that many scissors is a choice. I don’t think my hair got ruined, but I know it’s unlikely. Maybe I’ll have to pull a Gwen and shave half of it off. Ugh, I hope not. I don’t think I could pull it off. I don't wanna be emo!!!

-

Milesperhour, snaredrum, punktactics, chaichaiteatea

Milesperhour: hey gwen do you know spanish

gwen: nah i take german

Milesperhour: i’m going to spontaneously COMBUST

punktactics: i dipped in the middle of a concert to see what was on and youre telling me its miles being shit at his own language again

Milesperhour: what concert?

punktactics: band called medea and the gorgons. kinda wank ngl its mostly buzzcocks covers

Milesperhour: i think most of those words are english

punktactics: tbh i think you’d like buzzcocks 

Milesperhour: please stop saying that word its scaring me

punktactics: boo bitch

Pav: oh oh Hobie did you like that band i found for you?

punktactics: the riot peddlers? yeah big fan

Pav: yay! (๑>ᗜºั)

punktactics: oh thats a new one 

punktactics: cute

Milesperhour: okay hobie i will listen to a band you recommend IF you help me with hw

punktactics: yeah ok

punktactics: hope you like Sex Pistols

Milesperhour: why are they all named like that

punktactics: shock value

gwen: i predict a punk history ramble in three, two one…

punktactics: so like the whole point of the movement in the 70s and the like was to sh OI

Pav: PFFT

Milesperhour: tell me after this

punktactics: bet

-

Gwen,

You are needed on a mission on Earth 569, please find Margo and Jessica at the west wing medical facilities.

Regards, 

Miguel

-

k be there soon

-gwen 

-

Gwen,

This is a formal polite reminder to be more professional in emails. 

Regards, 

Miguel

-

To my DEAREST boss Miguel O’Hara,

It is in my deepest apologies that I have not constructed my language to your taste! I hope the reconstruction of my lexicon is suitable for such workplace correspondences.

DEEPEST regards, Gwendoline Stacy the XIIIVII

-

Gwen,

Why.

Regards, 

Miguel.

-

Milesperhour, snaredrum, punktactics, chaichaiteatea

gwen: on a mission rn but i’m in sweden what you guys want

Milesperhour: Blåhaj

punktactics: miles dont be so fuckin basic

punktactics: but i also want a blahaj

Pav: what’s a blahaj?

gwen: omg ok so it’s a shark

Pav: okay

gwen: but its a plushie

Pav: okay?

punktactics: get him a blahaj

gwen: already on it

Milesperhour: o7 doing god’s work

Pav: why is it so important that i have a plushie shark

Milesperhour: cause then we can maaaatch

punktactics: i will have to leave mine w/ u pav

Pav: do i really need my own then? If i’m having joint custody with yours

punktactics: look listen fuck capitalism and the whole concept of commercialised things that only exist to be bought

gwen: but?

punktactics: they really popped off with blahaj

punktactics: i need a new pillow but its too big to carry around

Milesperhour: why would you need to carry around a pillow?

punktactics: why don’t you

gwen: do you want me to grab you a jacket or blanket or something?

punktactics: nah youre alright love

Milesperhour: is it like super cold in your dimension or

punktactics: yeah actually

punktactics: i stopped climate change

Milesperhour: like

Milesperhour: by yourself?

punktactics: yeah

Milesperhour: you gotta understand i do not believe that

Milesperhour: like you’re one guy

punktactics: so you can make an interdimensional groupchat but i can’t off a few ceos

Milesperhour: …good point

Pav: okay how is killing a ceo meant to stop climate change

punktactics: everyone mute this rn 

gwen: oh my god

Milesperhour: gl pav o7

-

punktactics: and that is why ceos are singlehandedly ruining the planet for everyone in nearly every dimension

Pav: so climate change is only happening because of capitalism?

punktactics: yeah

Pav: huh

Pav: don’t think i’m ready for murder but i will keep that in mind

gwen: is it over

Pav: yep!

punktactics: yeah

Milesperhour: that took. An hour and 45 minutes

punktactics: sorry i have passions

gwen: i support you and your passions but an hour and 45 minutes. I’m impressed and also concerned. 

punktactics: anyway miles omw to your dimension leave ur window open

Milesperhour: THANK YOU GOD BLESS <3

punktactics: me showing up is the opposite of a god bless

Chapter Text

Milesperhour, Snaredrum, punktactics, chaichaiteatea

Milesperhour: y’all help hobie fell asleep at mine and i don’t wanna move him

gwen: DO NOT MOVE HIM

gwen: you let him SLEEP

Pav: i’ve seen hobie sleep like three times and once he woke up in 8 minutes and tried to punch me because i put a blanket over him

Pav: just let him sleep i don’t think he does often

Milesperhour: okay understood but here is the issue; he is on my arm and its starting to go numb

Pav: and

gwen: you’re not a monster are you

Milesperhour: no?

gwen: then you let him sleep

Milesperhour: ah, cat rules

gwen: yeah he’s like our resident cat

Pav: he’s a catboy in denial

gwen: i feel like he’s not a housecat tho

gwen: too violent

Pav: you’ve never seen him with kids

gwen: i have i’ve seen him with mayday

Milesperhour: i think a housecat is perfect tbh

Milesperhour: theyre dangerous, thieves, and surprisingly cuddly

gwen: housecat with a spiked collar

Pav: miles i think is a dogboy but like what kind

Milesperhour: i have. No idea what you mean.

Milesperhour: i knew about catboys but thats it

Pav: i’m a golden retriever ໒(＾ᴥ＾)७

gwen: i’m also a dog i think

Milesperhour: is this y’all’s way of coming out as furries

Pav: yeah

gwen: no? 

Milesperhour: FUCK

Milesperhour: MAMI AND DAD ARE HOME

Milesperhour: DIOS MIERDA ME VAN A MATAR

gwen: DETACH YOURSELF AND LICK THE DOOR

Pav: LICK THE DOOR???

gwen: LOCK I MEANT LOCK

Milesperhour: i have an idea hang on

-

Miles: Mamá, ¿puedes estar callada cuando tú y papá entren?

Rio: ?? ¿Por qué? ¿Está todo bien?

Miles: yeah everything is fine, I have a friend over to help me w/ hw and he fell asleep on me. He doesn’t get much rest so i don’t wanna wake him up

Rio: Aw eso es dulce de tu parte

Rio: We’ll be quiet, let me know if your friend is staying for dinner. 

Miles: will do o7 gracias mamá

Rio: ¡Me debes un favor!

-

Milesperhour, snaredrum, punktactics, chaichaiteatea

Milesperhour: my parents are gonna let him sleep for a bit

gwen: how tf did you manage that

Milesperhour: i owe my mom a favour now

gwen: ah

Pav: debt. one of the most crushing things a man can face

Milesperhour: pav what

Pav: i assume idk

gwen: sometimes pav will just say things

gwen: and i don’t know why 

Pav: what if humans ate skin 😀

Milesperhour: hm. Lets not think about that

Milesperhour changed the group name to The arachkids

Milesperhour: cute right

gwen: oh that is adorable

Milesperhour: i’m gonna detach myself from Hobie and go get dinner wish me luck

gwen: gl!

Pav: wake him up and suffer the consequences

gwen: i have never seen you more defensive over anything more than hobie’s sleep schedule

Pav: i’ve never SEEN him sleep for more than half an hour i get WORRIED

Pav: (ノ_<。)

punktactics: damn if i knew u’d care so much i’d try and sleep consistently. 

Pav: hobie!!! :D 

Pav: wait wait no bad go back to sleep

punktactics: can’t

punktactics: the morales’ are forcing me to eat dinner with them

Milesperhour: mom took one look at him and called him enjuto

Milesperhour: it means like,, lean or shrivelled up 

punktactics: i’m just like this damn

gwen: lmao enjoy Rio’s mothering

Pav: you call Miles’s parents by their first names? (ΘLΘ)

gwen: yeah?

Pav: silly silly white girl

gwen: huh

Pav: exactly

Pav: anyway Geyatri and i are going on a date ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧˚ byeeee

gwen: have fuuuun

-

The arachkids

Pav: so i got broken up with

Milesperhour: oof

Milesperhour: are you okay?

Pav: sorta?

Pav: turns out she’s questioning if she’s gay or not and didn’t want to stress me out by figuring herself out whilst still dating me.

Pav: we’re still friends but

Pav: yeah i’m just upset

gwen: aw Pav i’m sorry

Pav: it’s okay

punktactics: open ur window

Pav: WHAT THE FUCK

Pav: HES JUST AT MY WINDOW???

punktactics: let me in bellend

gwen: this is catboy behaviour

-

Peter B. Parker

Dhdhdfii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hobie Brown

hi mayday

Peter B. Parker

s pider

Hobie Brown

yep that’s us

Peter B. Parker

Dhdhaeryhtrrthwzer3r3rtsawewe;edd

Hobie Brown

agreed 

Peter B. Parker

Dfgtrgjnkknnbfyfcttgvyfvyctdtyvuisjniugyf

Hobie Brown

hot take but i agree

Peter B. Parker

Jskjk m dwidjioie

Hobie Brown

woah that’s a little controversial

Peter B. Parker

Hi Hobie, very sorry about that

Hobie Brown

never apologise for mayday

-

Dear diary,

Geyatri broke up with me today. I don’t know how to feel. I think I’m happy because it’s not that I was a bad boyfriend, or that she got bored of me, and it was to do with herself. But I’m also devastated, in a way. It feels really selfish to be sad about that, because she’s discovering herself and all, but I am sad. I really liked her.

-

Dear real diary,

I think the real reason Geyatri broke up with me is because I’m Spider-Man. 

She’s always been super perceptive, and whilst I don’t think she knows exactly, I think she’s suspicious enough to not trust me. 

I feel awful. Is being Spider-Man even worth it if no one can trust you? If you can’t trust anyone?

-

The arachkids

Pav: i’m watching hobie try to figure out how to make chai this is wonderful

Pav: it's like watching a baby horse try to run

gwen: you let the british person make tea, he might be alright

Milesperhour: no no british tea and chai are different

Pav: he’s pretending not to struggle this is fun

Pav: legally i can’t help him i’m in blanket mode ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯

gwen: i can see that

Pav: you’re also at my window aren’t you

Milesperhour: we might be

Milesperhour: pls let us in

Pav: okayyy

Pav: YOU ACTUALLY BROUGHT THE SHARK

gwen: ofc i did

-

To Mr O’Hara sir

Does my girlfriend breaking up with me count as a canon event

Pavitr Prabhakar

-

Pavitr,

No. It doesn’t.

Regards,

Miguel

-

The arachkids

gwen: wait oh my god hobie met your dad

Milesperhour: yeah,,,,

gwen: how did that go

Milesperhour: he was surprisingly nice

Milesperhour: just was giving Very Pointed Looks when dad mentioned his job

Milesperhour: they were mostly really interested in his accent lol but i doubt he’s gonna be invited over again soon

Milesperhour: at least he called them Mr and Ms Morales which is better than you did

gwen: HOW WAS I MEANT TO KNOW

Milesperhour: it’s fiiiine we just gotta train you for the next time you meet my parents

gwen: train??? 😭

Milesperhour: yeah you heard me

Chapter Text

Miguel,

¿Puedo ir a una misión con Gwen? ¿Por favor? ¿Por favor? Te estoy rogando.

Miles 

-

Miles,

Please stop emailing me in Spanish, if you do not want me to criticise your grammar, you will continue the standard of emailing in English. 

And requesting a mission with Gwen is only going to make it more likely that I will not put you on a team together.

Miguel.

-

The arachkids

gwen: coming out to Miguel as trans today lets hope he doesn’t kick me out of the spider society ✌️

Milesperhour: oh good luck! Hope it goes well <3

punktactics: he was fine w/ me 

gwen: okay okay cya 

-

Backstreet boys

miles: GWEN IS TRANS?

hobie: yeah?

pav: hobie is too

miles: okay okay this is making me examine things

hobie: miles are you transphobic

miles: NO no definitely not

miles: i love trans people 

hobie: thanks

miles: yw

miles: i am just having a mild sexuality crisis

pav: I KNEW IT

pav: YOU LIKE GWEN

hobie: pav everyone knows this

miles: i mean. yeah. yeah i really like them

miles: i’ve just gotta reexamine my entire understanding of my orientation and sexuality that’s all

hobie: its really that big a deal to you?

pav: hobie. i don’t think he knows which way gwen is trans

hobie: wait oh my god

miles: so like. does gwen have a different name i should call them?

hobie: nah, still gwen

miles: coolcoolcoolcool

miles: ahh okay so

miles: i was kinda half sure about this anyway but i think i’m bi

hobie: congrats

pav: बधाई!

miles: ah h h h h h h h h

-

The arachkids

gwen: miguel told me he already knew 

gwen: we good 👍

Milesperhour: and i’m good with it too! 

Milesperhour: i didn’t know! but i am a trans ally! 

Milesperhour: i support you!

punktactics: laying it on a bit thick

gwen: thanks miles :) 

gwen: speaking of which do you want any of my old boy clothes

gwen: i’ve got some sweaters and stuff that you can wear being spider-man that your parents won’t recognise

Milesperhour: old boy clothes?

gwen: yeah?

gwen: miles. Miles i’m transfem

gwen: like a boy going to a girl

Milesperhour: OH

Milesperhour: OKAY

Milesperhour: that makes more sense 

Pav: you had a whole realisation about being bisexual for nothing huh

gwen: oh congrats on the sexuality

Milesperhour: t h a n k s

punktactics: this is the best thing that’s happened all week

-

punktactics —> Snaredrum

punktactics: i claim your old clothes

punktactics: getting colder over here

Snaredrum: ofc 

Snaredrum: i’ve got a winter coat too 

punktactics: thanks love

punktactics: my local shelter is closing down

Snaredrum: oh god, hobie i’m so sorry

punktactics: it’s fine, i won’t be sleeping rough

punktactics: i got other shelters if theyre not full

punktactics: i can beg a room off miguel if i don’t mind disrespecting myself

punktactics: worse case scenario i can couch surf or find a squat

Snaredrum: what do you think will happen?

punktactics: couch surfing

punktactics: most shelters won’t take you for more than a night my last one was just class

Snaredrum: there’s always an empty bed in my old place if you need it

punktactics: i know

punktactics: thanks gwendy

-

Miguel

i’ll do extra missions or whatever you want for a bit if i can have a room. shelter is getting shut down

Hobie

-

Hobie,

Staying for more than a few days in a dimension that is not your own is not medically recommended, it is with great regret that I can’t give you a room to stay in. Is there anything I can do to provide a safe place to sleep in your own dimension?

Kind regards,

Miguel

-

The arachkids

punktactics: miguel is the worst and i hate him.

punktactics: miles go murder him

Milesperhour: no

Milesperhour: why is he the worst?

punktactics: reasons. 

gwen: ah i think i can guess

Pav: oh miles do you not -

Pav: hobie do you wanna tell him?

Milesperhour: tell me what??

punktactics: ugh okay so i’m homeless

Milesperhour: oh

punktactics: yeah

punktactics: miguel wouldn’t give me a room and i can’t find any decent shelters so i’m currently hunting for a decent place to squat

punktactics: because of dimension medical shit

Milesperhour: i’m coming to your dimension

Milesperhour: extra set of eyes wouldn’t hurt

punktactics: you don’t have to do that

Pav: i’ll come too

gwen: might as well make it a group thing

Milesperhour: crime is bad but like what if we stole a mattress

punktactics: i have a foam one

gwen: it’s like two inches thick and has holes in it

gwen: we’re getting you a new one

Milesperhour: god your dimension is so weird to look at

Milesperhour: okay i’m coming to find you where you at?

Pav: found him!

punktactics: bruv seriously

gwen: we are getting you a safe place to sleep 

gwen: now come on i see an abandoned apartment

Pav: he’s smiling!!!! He’s trying to hide it but i see (*´∀`*)

-

Miguel

Get fucked

Hobie xx

-

The arachkids

Pav: busy day!! phew

punktactics: yeah 

punktactics: thanks for helping me out

Pav: ofc!! I’m bringing you food tomorrow

punktactics: food?

Pav: just some tikki masala 

punktactics: that’s my favourite

Pav: i know! That’s why i’m bringing you some 

punktactics: hey how are you holding up after last week

punktactics: i know you like are super positive and all but you gotta still be upset abt Geyatri

Pav: i mean… yeah, kinda

Pav: just kinda over being sad yk? 

Pav: we’re still friends, we still hang out, i just gotta remind myself i can’t kiss her

Pav: which is annoying bc i normally want to kiss friends but Geyatri and i COULD for a bit and now we can’t >:(

punktactics: you normally want to kiss your friends?

Pav: some of them

punktactics: i think that just means you have a crush on them

Pav: maybe (✿˶’◡˘)♡

Pav: do you not want to kiss your friends?

punktactics: nah

punktactics: unless i wanted them to be the missus yk

Pav: the missus?

punktactics: like if i wanted to get with them

Pav: oh right right

Pav: are you comfy?

punktactics: yeah actually

Pav: what are you wearing?

punktactics: darlin we’re in a groupchat 

punktactics: at least take it to dms

Pav: ? i wanted to make sure you’re properly layered

punktactics: lmao yeah i’ve got like three shirts on

Pav: Good!!

Pav: sleep well प्रिये 

punktactics: what does that one mean?

Pav: it means best friend!! Goodnight!!!

-

Dear real diary,

I need to text Geyatri. Oh my god. I’m… holy shit. I think I have a crush on one of my best friends. Oh my god. 

Nope nope nope nope nopenopenopenope not happening, I cannot be Spider-Man, dealing with my breakup, AND have a crush on someone. Too much on my plate. And I don’t have time for a SEXUALITY crisis on top of all this. 

I am going to bury this in a nice little box in the back of my mind and never think about it again :) 

-

Peter B. Parker

Mayday’s been asking for you, wanna come over for dinner?

Hobie Brown

Mr Parker you are the only bitch i respect yes i’m coming over

Peter B. Parker

Thank you I think.

Chapter Text

The arachkids

punktactics: babysitting mayday rn 

punktactics: here are some quotes

punktactics: “poptarts are anarchy”

gwen: what was the thought process

punktactics: i gave her poptarts for breakfast

gwen: fair

punktactics: she doesn’t know how to say goodnight yet so she just says ‘bye bye’ and it’s so fucking cute

Milesperhour: aw

punktactics: we’re fingerpainting rn 

punktactics: literal best artist ever

Milesperhour: can confirm as an artist she’s better than everyone else ever

gwen: real real

gwen: someone call the lourve 

punktactics: nah she deserves to have her art displayed somewhere more important

Milesperhour: the fridge?

punktactics: the fridge.

Milesperhour: what’s she painting

punktactics: legit i think its you

Milesperhour: what if i sobbed right here

gwen: AWWWW

Pav: mayday really likes miles huh

punktactics: oh yeah 

punktactics: she’s currently wearing my battle jacket 

Pav: your BATTLE jacket???

Pav: the one you spent three years on and never let anyone touch??

punktactics: she likes the studs

Pav: jealous

Milesperhour: also!! You’ll never guess what i picked up at the thrift

gwen: oh? 

Milesperhour: i got a bass guitar!

gwen: OH???

Milesperhour: yeah! I’m gonna try and learn it 

Milesperhour: my dad used to play a bit so he’s gonna help

punktactics: we’re like 1 member away from a proper band

punktactics: wait wait pav can sing

Pav: not WELL

punktactics: bullshit you sing great

Pav: noooooo

punktactics: yesssssss

Pav: nooooo ⊹⋛⋋( ●´⌓`●)⋌⋚⊹

gwen: get a fucking room

gwen: anyway miles that’s really cool!!

Milesperhour: thanks!!

kumopeni: ahh fun!! ( ノ ^o^)ノ

punktactics: WHAT

Pav: WHO ARE YOU

gwen: oh hi peni didn’t know you were here

kumopeni: hehe

Pav: im sorry has there just been someone in here lurking the entire time

Milesperhour: she helped me make this groupchat so

Milesperhour: yyyyyes?

kumopeni: hi (´つヮ⊂)

Pav: a person of taste!! Hi!! ヾ(☆▽☆)

punktactics: ive had a butcher’s into hell there’s two of them

kumopeni: hii i’m Peni and i think you and Pavitr are a very sweet couple!!

punktactics: uh he ain’t my squeeze

Pav: WE’RE NOT A COUPLE

kumopeni: a couple of bestieeees!! (⋆ˆ ³ ˆ)♥

punktactics: nvm it’s another one of me

punktactics: still bad

Milesperhour: hey peni how do you and pav do that emoji thing?

kumopeni: oh the kaomojis? There’s a really great youtube video that teaches you how to do it!!

kumopeni: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_b7RDuLwcI&ab_channel=Jaysean

kumopeni: here u go!! I hope it works across dimensions

Milesperhour: thanks peni!

punktactics: this is sorry and sad

punktactics: huh wait that’s kinda cool

gwen: peni you’re corrupting him

kumopeni: teehee (-‿◦☀)

-

To mom and Dady

plese can hoby be my beg broter. he is nic e and kind. he maked me tee and diner and it was sooooooooooooooo yumy. plese make him my brother. he is fun and only gets in troble som times. he told me abot anam anarcy

From Mayday :) 

-

Peter B. Parker

Hobie have you seen the letter Mayday wrote MJ and me?

Hobie Brown

i didn’t teach her any of those words

Peter B. Parker

What words?

Hobie Brown

Exactly

Hobie Brown

Anyway nah what’d it say?

Peter B. Parker

Well she very politely asked us to adopt you

Peter B. Parker

Obviously we aren’t going to do that, you’re nearly an adult and likely have parents of your own

Hobie Brown

sure 

Peter B. Parker

But I thought it was very cute.

Hobie Brown

that’s fuckin dolly

Peter B. Parker

Is that a positive or a negative thing?

Hobie Brown

It means cute

Peter B. Parker

Ah right

-

Odyssey thanks you for your order!

Order contains: English to English, a dictionary of Cockney Rhyming Slang x5

Delivery address; Mr Peter Benjamin Parker

Four of these items are gifts! Addressed to; Mr Miles Morales, Ms Gwen Stacy, Mr Pavitr Prabhakar, Mr Miguel O’Hara. 

Is this information correct?

Yes   No

Thank you for your confirmation! Purchase is being processed.

-

Milesperhour —> punktactics

Milesperhour: hobie you’re like. Attractive right

punktactics: i mean yeah but what’s this about

Milesperhour: how do you like,,,,,,,, become attractive

punktactics: i say this platonically because emotionally you are like a younger brother to me

punktactics: you already are attractive 

punktactics: it’s more about like confidence and how you carry yourself

punktactics: you gotta believe ur attractive

Milesperhour: right right-

punktactics: plus gwendy thinks you’re fit as is

Milesperhour: AHAHA WHAT WHO MENTIONED GWEN

punktactics: …mate

Milesperhour: INSANE that you’d even mention her for no reason!

punktactics: oh this is painful

punktactics: you’re really torturing a poor innocent homeless teenager

punktactics: wow miles

Milesperhour: AGH OKAY MAYBE THIS IS ABOUT GWEN

punktactics: do you want me to act surprised

Milesperhour: no it feels condescending at this point

punktactics: well yeah coz it is

Milesperhour: speaking of which HOW’S PAV HM?

punktactics: excuse you 

Milesperhour: hMMM???

punktactics: ugh 

punktactics: i’m telling miguel

Milesperhour: wait wait no

Milesperhour: what would you even TELL HIM

punktactics: oh yk

punktactics: about this possibly illegal interdimensional groupchat

Milesperhour: oh so this is an EMPTY threat i see

punktactics: yk when i said you were like a younger brother to me that wasn’t a cue to start acting like an annoying younger sibling

Milesperhour: it definitely was wdym

Chapter Text

The arachkids

Pav: i want it known Hobie is the worst client ever

Pav: and he can’t tell you i’m wrong bc his hands are still wet.

gwen: oh?

Pav: i’m practicing mehndi on him and he won’t stop MOVING 

gwen: oh you do henna?

Pav: yeah sorta

Pav: henna is the name of the plant and paste

Pav: mehndi is the actual art

gwen: ahhh i see

gwen: what’re you drawing on him?

Pav: mostly just patterns 

Pav: gonna try and put my spider in the middle of his hand >:3

gwen: aw cute

kumopeni: i wish i had someone who would put their logo on me out of love

Pav: i can do mehndi for you too if you like!

kumopeni: oo yes please!

Milesperhour: morning y’all

gwen: morning! Sleep well?

Milesperhour: i couldn’t sleep for ages bc my back was so sore 😩

gwen: ooooof ouch. Forget to stretch?

Milesperhour: yep. 

gwen: i can teach you some of the stretches i do for ballet

Pav: i used to do some dance when i was younger, i use the stretches i learnt then

gwen: oh what type of dance?

Pav: ballet and classical indian! Its been YEARS though lol

gwen: AHHH ANOTHER BALLERINA

Pav: not really-

gwen: i am MAKING you throw me in the air

Pav: oh boy

Milesperhour: i mean i never learnt how to dance but i’d be honoured to throw you in the air

gwen: oh do you wanna learn some basic ballet stuff? I can show you some positions! 

Milesperhour: sure! I can help you practice routines and stuff

gwen: i’d love that! 

punktactics: gay

gwen: boo you whore

Milesperhour: ITS NOT LIKE THAT

Milesperhour: anyway how would it be gay we’re a guy and a girl-

punktactics: you’re both bi. Kinda gay to me

Pav: he’s only allowed one hand since most of his left has dried btw

Pav: hobie if you smudge this i’m going to find Gayatri and we will work together to destroy you down to a molecular level.

punktactics: oh

punktactics: ftr he was smiling brightly whilst saying that i’m terrified of him

Milesperhour: wait isn’t her name spelt Geyatri??

Pav: hm? No it’s Gayatri

Pav: can you imagine if the author made an easy mistake like that?

Milesperhour: the who?

Pav: oh i like that band! 

punktactics: miles did you listen to that album yet

Milesperhour: yeah i did! A few questions

punktactics: shoot

Milesperhour: 1. What are bollocks. 

Milesperhour: 2. Why does the audio sound like it was recorded on a literal brick

Milesperhour: 3. I thought punk music was meant to be hardcore?

punktactics: one, look it up. Two, cause it’s old, and three, it is. For the time. 

punktactics: sex pistols were like 70’s dude, the hardest thing going on music wise was like. Led zeppelin

Milesperhour: huh fair i guess

Milesperhour: i didn’t hate it, i just don’t think it’s quite my thing

punktactics: hmmm

punktactics: how about the ramones

punktactics: theyre from new york

Milesperhour: OH?

Milesperhour: which part?

punktactics: forest hills

Milesperhour: oh.

Milesperhour: i’m sure they’re still good!

punktactics: lmao fair

gwen: okay i know what i’m about to say is gross because he’s old and we hate him 

Pav: oh no

gwen: has anyone else noticed how fucking TINY miguel’s waist is????

gwen: not even in a man-enjoyer way i just noticed he’s built like a fucking dorito on top and then like a fancy victorian woman waist

Milesperhour: yeah he wears a waist trainer

gwen: he WHAT

Pav: a waist trainer?????

punktactics: i don’t wanna know why you was looking at his draws

Milesperhour: he was giving me some uniform regulations he had in mind (like for practicality and stuff) and he isn’t a fan of jackets and stuff over suits

Milesperhour: so i asked him jokingly if we had to have an underwear code as well and he just Looked at me

Milesperhour: and said “i’m wearing a corset right now, so, that’s not a bad idea” and i just

Milesperhour: idk how i’m meant to cope with this information

gwen: why did he tell you that

Milesperhour: I DON’T KNOW 

Pav: i look away for two minutes

Pav: TWO MINUTES

gwen: c’est la vie

gwen: oh gtg the results are here

Milesperhour: results?

punktactics: gwendy are you texting in class

gwen: oh no no my dad and i decided to do a dna test!

gwen: the results just got here! And apparently he got a message on the family tree app he has from a relative

punktactics: oh have fun

Milesperhour: can’t wait for you to discover which flavour of white you are!

gwen: my surname isn’t from anywhere in particular bc it’s derived from a personal name, so no points there. 

gwen: anyway bye!

Milesperhour: huh i’ve never actually thought about where my surname is from

Pav: oo look it up!

Milesperhour: okay it’s spanish no surprises there

Milesperhour: it means ‘son of someone who lived near a mulberry or blackberry tree’

punktactics: oddly specific

Milesperhour: yeah

Milesperhour: want me to do yours?

punktactics: sure

Milesperhour: it’s english, and it means someone with brown hair or complexion

punktactics: technically got that 

Milesperhour: lmao yeah

Milesperhour: i’ll do pav’s!

Pav: do my first name too i’m curious!

punktactics: he’s going up my forearm now so i’m allowed to type with both hands again

Milesperhour: oh sick Prabhakar means light bringer

punktactics: oh how appropriate

Milesperhour: hm?

punktactics: because pav lights up my life

Pav: AWWW

Pav: what about my first name? I know what it means but i wanna see what google has to say

Milesperhour: sure! 

Milesperhour: uhhhh holy i think?

Pav: pretty much

Pav: what does Hobart mean

Milesperhour: hobie’s full name is Hobart?

punktactics: yes and

Milesperhour: english people are weird

Milesperhour: bright or shining intellect

Pav: makes sense, hobie’s pretty much the smartest person i know

punktactics: i’ve eaten chocolate bars with the wrappers on

Pav: recycling

Milesperhour: my name means merciful or soldier. It also means literal miles lol

Milesperhour: peni want me to do yours?

kumopeni: oo yes!

kumopeni: sorry i don’t talk much btw (*☻-☻*) i’m in my mech most of the time

punktactics: sokay love 

Pav: yeah it’s fine dw!! ╭(╭⊚‿⊚╮)╮

kumopeni: IS THAT A SPIDER!!

Pav: YES!!! 

Pav: ///\oὁȍ◡őὀo/\\\

kumopeni: AHHH I LOVE IT

Milesperhour: oh god they’re too cute together

Milesperhour: anyway, Peni your name is just an alternate spelling of Penny right?

kumopeni: yep!

Milesperhour: yeah i was assuming it wasn’t a hawaiian boy’s name

Milesperhour: it comes from penelope and means weaver

kumopeni: like a SPIDER

Pav: also like penelope from greek mythos!

Pav: she wove a shawl as she waited for her husband odysseus to come home from the trojan war

kumopeni: ooooo cool!!

kumopeni: do noir!!

Milesperhour: noir isn’t in here?

kumopeni: i’ll add him!

punktactics: woah woah teen zone only

Pav: local anarchist surprisingly strict on groupchat rules

kumopeni: he’s nineteen its fine

Milesperhour: HES 19????

Milesperhour: I THOUGHT HE WAS LIKE 40

gwen: uhhhhhhh guys

Milesperhour: hi gwen!!

Pav: hey!

kumopeni: hi gwenny gwen gwen

punktactics: yo

gwen: so

gwen: i may not be as white as we thought…?

Milesperhour: …you practically glow in the dark you’re so white

gwen: turns out i’m romani…?

punktactics: oh cool

Pav: fun! What’s romani?

gwen: well they’re like an ethnic group that migrated out of india and into europe during the middle ages (according to wikipedia bc i just found out about this) and turns out no one can agree if roma people are white or not?

punktactics: one of us

Pav: ONE OF US

Milesperhour: ONE OF US

kumopeni: ONE OF US

punktactics: one of us

gwen: i was not expecting this response

kumopeni added megabyte

gwen: margo?

megabyte: ONE OF US

gwen: oh my god

Chapter Text

Peter B. Parker

Hey kiddo, I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you.

Hobie Brown

istg i only taught mayday how to swear in british

Peter B. Parker

That’s - you did what? Anyway, that’s not what this is about.

Hobie Brown

so? 

Peter B. Parker

So, last week we were in your dimension, and I did tail you for a bit to make sure you got home safe.

Peter B. Parker

Do you wanna talk about it?

Hobie Brown

What about how i’m homeless

Hobie Brown

What’s there to talk about

Peter B. Parker

Look, don’t take this as a pity thing, because it’s not. If anything, it’s convenient for me.

Peter B. Parker

We have a spare room in the apartment. If you want, you can pay rent, or look after Mayday for ‘payment’ or whatever, but you can just come stay. 

Hobie Brown

Miguel said it’s a bad idea to stay in another dimension for extended periods of time. For like medical reasons

Peter B. Parker

Fuck what Miguel thinks. 

Peter B. Parker

MJ wants an excuse to buy some new furniture as it is.

Hobie Brown

okay 

Peter B. Parker

Wanna come over today? If you’ve got nothing else on.

Hobie Brown

Sure why not

-

Peter B. Parker

Hey miles question

Miles Morales

? yeah what is it

Peter B. Parker

I’m gonna sound extremely stupid and uneducated

Peter B. Parker

Does Hobie need to wash his hair? I don’t know if wicks are protective or not.

Miles Morales

Well okay you still need to wash your hair when it’s braided or something

Miles Morales

And wicks are protective

Miles Morales

ykw ima just send you a few links

Peter B. Parker

Thanks kid

Peter B. Parker

I’m just stood in walmart trying to figure out what hair stuff to get for him because my household is WHITE white

Miles Morales

Leave in conditioner will be your best friend

Peter B. Parker

Leave in conditioner got it. Uhh I’ll just get multiple brands

Peter B. Parker

That’ll do for now, if he needs anything else I’ll ask.

Peter B. Parker

Thanks, Miles. 

Miles Morales

No prob. 

Miles Morales

You’re the one adopting a full seventeen year old. 

Peter B. Parker

I’m not adopting him!

Peter B. Parker

I can’t figure out how to make interdimensional adoption papers :( 

Miles Morales

HAHAA

-

megabyte → charlottesweb

megabyte: yoo charlie how’d your solo mission go

charlottesweb: TERRIBLE

charlottesweb: “hey sunspider hop over to dimension 18964” “okay miguel no problem” he forgot to inform me the place was LITERALLY JUST STAIRS

charlottesweb: I’M IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR

megabyte: oh my god

megabyte: was that on PURPOSE???

charlottesweb: MAYBE? 

charlottesweb: i would not put it past him to do that just to see how i’d deal with it

megabyte: hang on i know some ppl that’d love this

-

the arachkids

megabyte added charlottesweb

megabyte: ahem everyone this is Charlotte Webber aka Sun-Spider aka better than you, and she has a brand new reason to clown on Miguel

Milesperhour: oh you’re the one who had the wheelchair that could turn into crutches!

Milesperhour: very cool i was thinking about that for days after

charlottesweb changed their nickname to sunnysideup

sunnysideup: yeah that’s me!

sunnysideup: anyway wanna hear about how miguel sent my wheelchair having ass to the stairs dimension

Pav: charlotte!! And he did NOT

sunnysideup: HE DID

punktactics: alright love!

sunnysideup: hey hobie can i talk about being disabled now

punktactics: yes sorry

sunnysideup: okay so i’m having a bad day with my eds right

kumopeni: “ EDS is one of a group of inherited disorders that results in defective collagen production . The most common type is hypermobility EDS, causing hypermobile joints, muscle fatigue, chronic pain and premature arthritis.”

sunnysideup: 😶

kumopeni: to save you the explanation! i have fibro so i get it <3 

sunnysideup: ayy chronic pain buddies

sunnysideup: anyway i’m having a bad day. like breathing is an effort bad

gwen: i’m sorry what

Milesperhour: breathing is an effort??? Are you okay???

sunnysideup: yeah i’m just disabled 

kumopeni: ough me today (－_－) zzZ

sunnysideup: ahh i’m so sorry

Milesperhour: i’ve suddenly gained like 30 times more respect for you two holy shit

sunnysideup: anyway so i’m having a horrible day pain and fatigue wise so i’m like “miguel i’m ready for my solo mission” and praying it’s not that bad bc have you tried explaining spoons to the man. 

sunnysideup: he just looks like a cat trying to figure out an abacus

sunnysideup: so he says “oh yeah this is just an easy one for you” and then i wheel through the portal and it’s a goddamn staircase. I look up. More stairs. I look down. More stairs. It’s. just. Stairs.

sunnysideup: and ftr i use my crutches on a good day. I am dependent on them on the best day i’ll ever have and i was 100% dependent on my wheelchair that day

sunnysideup: ftr i took the anomaly out but oh my fucking god miguel

gwen: boo what an ass

punktactics: i hate him holy shit

Pav: that’s so fucking rude?????

Pav: next time Charlotte just fold your crutches up and we can take turns carrying you around to make a point

sunnysideup: AHAHA PLS

punktactics: omg wait we have our token white girl back

sunnysideup: ? what about gwen

gwen: i’m romani and that apparently means ive been forcibly adopted as a poc

sunnysideup: can’t argue with that ig

punktactics: it’s okay gwendy you can be white again when we make fun of you

gwen: should i be saying thank you or

Pav: what if we forced miguel to go to a world where everyone is in wheelchairs or bikes 

Milesperhour: yeah miguel looks like he can’t ride a bike

megabyte: oh fr

sunnysideup: not that there’s anything wrong with that

Milesperhour: oh we know it’s just revenge

sunnysideup: oh vengeance is easy. i’ll just stretch in front of him.

sunnysideup: love having eds i can do weird shit like that 

Milesperhour: you were just talking about how breathing is an effort?

sunnysideup: look when everything hurts and you’re tired all the time you gotta get some joy out of existence. 

Milesperhour: okay now i feel bad

sunnysideup: and THAT’S what we gotta do to miguel

gwen: ahhh i get it

punktactics: btw if anyone needs me i’m staying at peter b parker’s place for a while

Milesperhour: did he get all the hair stuff

punktactics: like an absurd amount yeah

Milesperhour: good

punktactics: terrifying. anyway gtg i’m taking mayday out for a swing

Pav: aww 

Pav: have fun!!

sunnysideup: anyway miles want me to explain how i shoot webs out of my crutches?

Milesperhour: oh please do

-

Dear diary

Today was a good day! One of my friends who had a shaky housing situation is staying with a friend for the time being, and he can stay for as long as he wants. I’m really glad that he’s okay. He’s going to be babysitting the friend’s daughter as ‘payment’, because he’s the type of person who won’t take anything he hasn’t felt like he’s earnt.

He’s adorable with Mayday, I feel like melting whenever I see the two of them together. He’s absolutely Mayday’s biggest fan, and I love knowing that Mayday will be absolutely fine no matter what, because Hobie’s looking after her.

That’s one of my favourite things about Hobie - he CARES. He’s an anarchist because he cares, he hates cops because he cares, he’s spi special because he CARES about people, and he cares about me too. He’s really something else.

-

Dear real diary.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’M SO FUCKING GAY OH GOD

Every time I see Hobie’s stupid handsome face I want to SCREAM and cover him in kisses and hold his hand and paint his nails and fall asleep next to him and

This is becoming a PROBLEM

Chapter Text

The arachkids

punktactics: living at peter b’s place is fucking weird

punktactics: i woke up and Mj was making me food???

Milesperhour: yeah that’s called breakfast

punktactics: i know that w⚓

Milesperhour: W anchor??

punktactics: what was weird was that she was making it for me

punktactics: how did she even know i liked waffles

punktactics: ALSO she let me eat anything i wanted???

punktactics: like aside from Mayday’s food but i would never but FULL REIGN of the snack drawer????

gwen: okay what you’re experiencing is having parents

punktactics: fucking MAD

punktactics: she even asked to see my runway photos like 😭

punktactics: she’s so fucking nice this is fucking BIZARRE like OH MY DAYS

punktactics: okay moment of vulnerability over anyone got riot grrrl recs

gwen: bikini kill?

Milesperhour: oh i listened to the ramones btw

Milesperhour: you were right, they were more my speed

punktactics: toldja

punktactics: and i already know bikini kill, i can only listen to the one dazey and the scouts album so many times

gwen: really into riot grrrl rn aren’t you?

punktactics: realised i barely had any riot grrrl faves and it had to be fixed immediately

punktactics: oh the fucking high femmes i’m an idiot

gwen: oh?

punktactics: the high femmes, really new but really good

Pav: would you judge me if i told you i’ve been getting really into disney covers 

punktactics: honestly no

Pav: have i mentioned i love you 

punktactics: only a few dozen times but you can do it again

Pav: anyway @everyone listen to this rn https://youtu.be/zGJGpXRh1r8  

punktactics: oh damn okay vocals

punktactics: oh no Mayday’s asking for moana now

Milesperhour: oh she can sing super well!! And you better put on Moana for her

punktactics: no she wants me to play some of the songs from it and sing them to her

Pav: oh. My god. 

megabyte: you alright there Pav?

Pav: YEP

-

punktactics: more weird things, peter taught me blackjack and we played for like an hour

Pav: the ‘weird’ stuff just kind of sounds like having parents?

Pav: i think.

Pav: @Milesperhour is this what parents do?

Milesperhour: yeah

Milesperhour: well maybe not that specifically but like bonding time is normal

punktactics: is that why they asked if i wanted to watch a documentary with them

Milesperhour: what’s it about?

punktactics: the history of rock music

megabyte: aw that’s cute

megabyte: ur parents know ur music taste and interests 🥺

punktactics: they’re not my parents

megabyte: sure sweetheart

kumopeni: they seem super nice!!

kumopeni: i’m glad you’ve got nice parents hobie!! ٩(｡θᗨθ｡)۶

punktactics: god she’s too cute to disappoint i can’t disagree with her

kumopeni: it’s my greatest weapon ( ◣∀◢)ψ

sunnysideup: oh are we bullying hobie?

punktactics: no we are not bullying hobie >:/

sunnysideup: anyway me and miles r hanging out in my dimension and it’s so much fun watching his brain explode

kumopeni: what did you do to him /╲/\(╭ •̀ •́╮)/\╱\

sunnysideup: he had to help me get my chair on a bus

Milesperhour: why is there. No space.

Milesperhour: why is there only one wheelchair space

Milesperhour: why are there so many unnecessary steps

sunnysideup: i accidentally opened his eyes to systematic ableism

megabyte: ah yeah that’ll scramble his brain for a bit

Milesperhour: there are so many people giving her dirty looks she’s literally in a wheelchair

sunnysideup: yeah but i’m not 70 years old so obviously i can’t be disabled 🙄

Milesperhour: is my house even accessible??? What do i do if i want charlotte over????? Carry her???

sunnysideup: yeah prob

Milesperhour: i mean i can do it no problem super strength and all but oh my god

punktactics: fam how do you think she gets around hq

punktactics: we’ve all had charlotte carrying duty at least once

kumopeni: i’ve carried her with my mech and we reenacted king kong!!

Milesperhour: i’m so upset about this

Milesperhour: im going to physically fight miguel

kumopeni: he didn’t like invent ableism though?

Milesperhour: i can pretend he did

punktactics: real

-

Parker + Brown

MJ

Okay how does pasta sound for tonight?

Peter

Oh sounds great!

Hobie

Sounds awesome ta mj 👍

MJ

I was planning on prawn linguini, Hobie do you have any seafood or shellfish allergies?

Hobie

i’ll be so real with you mj i think i’ve had seafood like twice

MJ

Really? Don’t you guys have fish and chips?

Hobie

yeah its never really something i ate loads of,

Peter

I think the proper British term is a ‘chippy’.

MJ

You didn’t have many chippies?

Hobie

. 

Hobie

No i didnt 

Peter

Didn’t fancy them?

Hobie

i know you’re trying to connect with me via slang but this is physically painful

Peter

Nahh m8 ofc not

Hobie

Thats it im taking mayday

MJ

Can I join you two?

Peter

HEY HEY IT WAS A JOKE-

-

The arachkids

kumopeni added Noir

kumopeni: say hi Noir!!

gwen: NOIR!!!

Milesperhour: omg noir hi

punktactics: yo

Pav: hii!!

megabyte: nice to meet you!

sunnysideup: new person hiiiii

punktactics: is he okay

Pav: he’s been typing for twenty minutes…

gwen: he’s from the 30s give him a sec

megabyte: oh this is painful

sunnysideup: is he writing an essay…

Noir: Hello Everyone. It Is A Pleasure To Meet You All.

kumopeni: great job Noir!!

megabyte: damn. He even types like he was born in the 1910s

Noir: I Enjoy These Pill Shaped Men Immensely.

[IMAGE COULD NOT BE SENT]

gwen: god i’ve missed this

Chapter Text

The arachkids

Noir: Hello Everyone. I Hope You All Have A Good Morning And Have Slept Well

gwen: by fall out boy

Noir: What Is A Fallout Boy?

kumopeni: it’s a band (⋆ˆ ³ ˆ)♥

Noir: Ah. Is It The Rock And Roll You’ve Spoken Of?

punktactics: this is physically painful to read

Noir: Please Do Not Injure Yourself.

punktactics: i already did

kumopeni: WHAT ( ⁰д⁰)

gwen: wtf are you okay??

punktactics: yeah 

punktactics: broke a few ribs when knocking some skulls

punktactics: neo nazis suck like the originals were bad enough we do not need a knock off

Noir: Nazis Still Exist? Existence Is A Sisyphean Task For A Decent Man

punktactics: true dat

punktactics: how do you feel about capitalism

Noir: We Are All Slaves Under The Concept Of Commerce And Currency. 

punktactics: i like this guy

punktactics: anyway send help Mayday is having her nap on me. 

gwen: on your bruised side?

punktactics: y e a h

Noir: How Unfortunate. 

Noir: Would You Like Us To Get You An Ice Cream?

kumopeni: we’re in my dimension rn and we’re getting some for ourselves!!

Noir: The Twist Is Buying As I Don’t Have The Salad For It In This Dimension

punktactics: bring some for mayday too

gwen: god prices in your dimension peni are insane

gwen: idk if it’s the yen/dollar conversion rate or because its the future or w/e but i’m pretty sure a milkshake cost me 8000$

kumopeni: yeah!! it’s so cheap at that place ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／

gwen: terrifying.

kumopeni: hobie hobie hobie!! What flavour do you want??

kumopeni: i’m getting cherrybomb banana blast and Noir is getting vanilla!!

punktactics: bubblegum for mayday and vanilla or chocolate for me

kumopeni: can do!!!!

Pav: sorry to interrupt but the WORST thing happened today. मुझे इस समय रोना आ रहा है।

gwen: yeah?

Pav: someone thought i was THIRTEEN

gwen: HAH

Pav: I AM SEVENTEEN IN TWO MONTHS. क्या आप गंभीर हैं?!

Pav: क्या मैं उतना जवान दिखता हूँ?

Pav: क्या यह मेरा जीवन हमेशा के लिए है?!

gwen: i dont understand any of that but i’m assuming you’re mad

Pav: IM HUMILIATED

punktactics: lmao short

Pav: shut up you’re literally a giant

Pav: you could be one of those poles that support new baby trees so they can grow properly

Pav: are there any famous tall british people because then you're them

punktactics: uhhh cornish ppl have cool myths about giants

gwen: wtf is a cornish person

punktactics: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

punktactics: imagine english. But like. A different flavour of english

kumopeni: hobieeee we’re outside your door!! :D 

punktactics: key’s under the mat love

kumopeni: breaking in breaking in //(*▼▽▼)∩//

Noir: She Is Incredibly Devious

punktactics: fr

megabyte: concept. Instagram but just for spiderpeople

Milesperhour: @kumopeni we gotta get on this

kumopeni: can’t!! My mech broke again D:

megabyte: nooooo 

megabyte: is he okay

kumopeni: yeah!! Just lost a leg cause some screws got loose

megabyte: hope he gets well soon 🙏

sunnysideup: NOOO NOT MECH

kumopeni: HES GONNA BE FINE I PROMISE (ノ*°▽°*)

gwen: not my best friend :((( 

Milesperhour: when did you all become best friends with Peni’s mech???

kumopeni: girls night

gwen: girls night

sunnysideup: girls night

megabyte: girls night

Milesperhour: oh understandable

Milesperhour: btw how’s noir coping with hobie’s… uhhhh

Milesperhour: chameleon ness

kumopeni: he’s been staring for forty five minutes. I don't think he’s blinked yet ┐(´∀｀)┌

Milesperhour: tbh it took me a while to just not stare. 

gwen: bisexual behaviour

Milesperhour: id agree with you but no 

Milesperhour: more like a baby sensory video

gwen: omg is that why mayday likes him so much

sunnysideup: SDFGHJHGF

Milesperhour: oh my god

Milesperhour: anyway you’re all girls can i get some advice

megabyte: sure abt what?

sunnysideup: bet i can guess

Milesperhour: what would your ideal date be

sunnysideup: knew it

gwen: oh oh for me it’d be going to the aquarium. 

gwen: i could stare at fish for hours its so peaceful, but its even better when you’re with someone else because you get to point stuff out to each other and swap cool facts and joke about the stupid looking ones together

Milesperhour: that does sound really nice actually

megabyte: mm idk? Something casual and lowkey. Call me boring but dinner and a movie

sunnysideup: i’m a nerd so museum date

kumopeni: ummm idk ¯\_(°╭╮°)_/¯ ive only been on a date once and it was really awkward. Ice cream?

Milesperhour: ice cream is a good suggestion peni ty

Milesperhour: thanks y’all

megabyte: tell us if she says yes!!

Milesperhour: i’m asking her on a date not proposing

sunnysideup: we still wanna know

gwen: gl!

-

Noir: Who Is Mitski And Why Is Gwendolyn Playing Her Music On Repeat?

gwen: personal tragedy

-

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected] 

Warning*

yo here’s your updates on dad

he just got a new office for making captain, he’s got a picture of me and mami in there, uncle aaron too but he’s in the bg

also he got really into colouring books lately. idk why but he says theyre good for stress - they make me more anxious tbh but good for him. He asked me to draw some patterns for him to colour in

Hugged me as spiderman which was a whole experience. positive? negative? whos to say

-the better miles

ps: how do you ask a girl out on a date im so fucking nervous

*this email address does not exist. 

Transdimensional Code Activated

Message sent!

Chapter Text

The arachkids

Pav: GANESH CHATURTHI TOMORROWWWWW

Milesperhour: oh??

Pav: ITS MY FAVOURITE HOLIDAY

Pav: it’s Ganesha’s birthday celebrations!! And he’s very VERY important to Mumbattan so i am EXCITED

Pav: there’s gonna be PARADES we’re gonna put up STATUES

Pav: granted the best part is 11 days in BUT STILL

Milesperhour: eleven days???

Pav: oh yeah hindu holidays are long

Pav: BUT THEYRE SO WORTH IT

Pav: i’m inviting you all to mumbattan next holi you’ll all love it

Milesperhour: oh that’s the one where you throw colour at each other right?

Pav: yes!!! It’s also to celebrate spring and love 

Pav: it’s because Krishna, he has dark blue skin, he was in love with a milkmaid but was embarrassed of his skin, so he coloured her face blue too!! It’s wonderful i love it sm

Milesperhour: oh my god PLEASE invite me that sounds so fun

Pav: IT IS!!!!

Pav: think of all the chaos if we webbed around the city and threw powder from above

Pav: it’d be magical

Milesperhour: we’ve gotta cover gwen in pink

Pav: :O because its the colour of romance??

Milesperhour: her hair is pink………..

Pav: i’ll believe your excuses. For now

hey pav

sorry for the random fridge note

Stepped in and you weren’t home

Meet me at our spot

-g

Dear Diary,

I hung out with Gayatri again today! We talked some stuff out, and it honestly felt really good to get everything off my chest. I didn’t realise how much I was bottling up about being sp school, and my friends, and life in general. I’m glad even though we’re not dating anymore, she’s still my best friend.

Plus, she has a girlfriend now! It’s Meera Jain, from school! I didn’t know she was into girls, but they seem really happy together! Apparently, they’ve already kissed. Which, come on, that’s a little unfair. It took me a month to kiss Gayatri and Meera does it in two weeks?!

She does give my hair a run for its money, though…

Wait. Is Gayatri’s type good hair?

Dear real diary,

Gayatri knew I was Spider-Man for MONTHS. And I never realised. I think I might be mildly stupid, but Miles assures me that this is normal. Spiders are incredibly smart, until it comes to normal life. 

But it felt really really good to finally talk about it. And of course I can talk to my friends, or any other spider person about it, but it’s not really… the same as being able to tell someone who’s just… normal. 

Turns out, she didn’t break up with me because I’m Spider-Man, so that’s a relief. I do owe her a few swings around Mumbattan, though, which is honestly understandable. I’d want a few too. 

And I might have told her about my teeny tiny crush on Hobie. And she might’ve gotten really excited. And now she and Hobie can never meet because she will try and matchmake us. Which I’ve been trying to do myself, BY THE WAY. He’s just been going through a lot - moving dimensions, getting adopted, finally eating right, flirting just doesn’t seem appropriate at the moment. When he’s settled that’s when I'll turn the charm up to eleven.

And I am really glad he’s eating more. I never wanted to comment on it, because it seemed really rude, but he was really, really skinny before. And he’d get these terrible headaches, and have really low energy at the end of a mission. He’s filling out a bit more, he doesn’t have headaches as often, and he’s somehow more energetic than before. I still keep a few packets of painkillers in my pockets, but I’m glad they’re not for him anymore. Still, though, I have the urge to make him food all the time. 

Oh NO. I’m turning into Maya Auntie!!!

Miles42 → Milesperhour

Miles42: Is this working?

Milesperhour: yep it came through!!

Milesperhour: sup kilometres

Miles42: Te destriparé.

Milesperhour: can you even reach me

Miles42: Oh, wow, you understood me. You must’ve been paying attention in class for once.

Milesperhour: shut up like you have time to attend school properly as the prowler

Miles42: I do, actually. 

Miles42: I just do all of my work at night. 

Milesperhour: ugh god that’s. Really smart i wish more villains were considerate

Miles42: Villain? Is that all I am to you?

Milesperhour: you’re a funhouse mirror reflection of me

Miles42: Imagine how I felt seeing you for the first time.

Miles42: As fun as ruining your self esteem is,

Milesperhour: Mayday called my hair cool it literally cannot get higher

Miles42: I do not know who that is. Anyway, wasn’t there a reason for this conversation? 

Miles42: A reason named, oh, I don’t know, Gwen Stacy?

Milesperhour: HAH WHAT? HUH? WHO’S GWEN

Milesperhour: NO, no the person i’m wanting to ask out is

Milesperhour: Gw

Milesperhour: Gwanda.

Miles42: Gwanda.

Milesperhour: yep.

Miles42: Convincing. 

Milesperhour: UGH OKAY FINE its gwen

Miles42: Should I pretend to be shocked?

Milesperhour: no it’ll just feel patronising :/ 

Milesperhour: how. How do i ask a girl out

Miles42: Hm.

Miles42: Well, have you tried the shoulder touch?

Milesperhour: literally second time i ever met her

Miles42: Well, I’m all out of ideas.

Milesperhour: HOW

Milesperhour: you have so much more self confidence than me how come you’ve got no idea what you’re doing????

Miles42: Yes, I’ll just ask out a girl who will ask why I’m always out in the middle of the night, potentially discover the multiple weapons under my bed, or realise that I know how to disarm a bomb for a reason.

Milesperhour: …what was the reason

Miles42: The microwave exploded and singed off half my hair. Uncle Aaron made me learn

Milesperhour: HAH

Milesperhour: oh NO we really are the same person

Miles42: What gave it away?

Milesperhour: shut up kilometres im having a moment here

Miles42: Have you tried actually just asking her?

Miles42: “Hey Gwen, I think you’re really cute, would you like to go on a date sometime?” 

Milesperhour: no i’d die

Miles42: I’ll try and make your funeral.

Milesperhour: FINE i will CONSIDER IT

Miles42: Thank you. Speaking of which, did the shoulder touch ever go well for you?

Milesperhour: no i think it’s cursed

Miles42: Agreed.