Chapter Text
Laura Lee remembers praying for everything as a child. She’d pray to find friends on the first day of kindergarten. She’d pray to find someone to understand her. She’d pray for miracles to find their way to her - all these prayers lead her to pray for peace. She had never known peace. The concept felt foreign to her. Feeling like a knife stuck straight in the gut, but yet it was something she yearned for. Her hands nervously entwined as she sat in a dimly lit church - her father on a podium giving a speech on how to save those who needed it most. Her ears ring as she hears his voice.
“ have trust in the lord. And peace shall be unto you.”
Those words though she wanted desperately for them to be true. She felt as if something was wrong. Not feeling the sense of serenity so many spoke about. Even as a child, blonde haired and hopeful eyes, she hadn’t found peace. Something in her beckoning that she would always be this way - war torn and holding onto an invisible thread. Yet she prayed - praying for something that could happen, that something would happen, praying for something that should happen. It took years for things to finally click that maybe - some things weren’t meant to happen. Some things were meant to be hoped in prayers, but never meant to happen.
But yet, prayers are said.
Because who was Laura Lee if she didn’t have her unwavering faith. Who was Laura Lee without her prayers every morning, and every night. Those were the thoughts that kept her up at night. The thoughts that had her cling onto her bible as if it were her only lifeline. And although she knew it to be false - it was the thought that kept her going.
“ Now remember young lady. You need to read your bible. Even on this trip.”
She could hear her father speak as he and her mom drove her to the airport. Seattle was going to be a break , where she could focus on soccer , and winning the national championship . It's what they had been working towards all year. So she prays — prays for safe travels , prays for them to win.
Her thoughts tear her apart on the drive, thoughts of the life her father wanted for her. From the perfect religious husband - to children who constantly read their bible. Saying prayers like their life depended on it, her thoughts lead to the white picket fence , to a wrap around porch. But in her mind, none of this seemed to be what she wanted - she couldn’t place why though. Her bags get carried up the plane steps. Waving to her parents from the window. Hands playing with the cross she wore around her neck. As she sits, she sighs. A deep breath escaping through pale pink lips.
“ penny for your thoughts?”
Turning to the voice she sees her saving grace for this trip — Lottie Matthews. Because from those glances in church , to the summers spent at the lake after soccer practices. Lottie Matthews remained a mystery that Laura Lee could only pray to understand. She shakes her head, a light chuckle escaping her lips
“ I'm not a fan of air travel, I suppose.”
“Just take deep breaths, and I’m here if you need me.”
If you were to ask Lottie , there’s no reason to pray. She saw the toll it took on her parents as they prayed for a miracle , as they pray for their daughter to be cured of whatever goes on in her head. She knows at least in the case of her father - the prayers aren’t sincere. The prayers lack something in them, that something being sincerity . The few Easter Sundays or Christmas masses they went to church all Lottie could do was stare at the hymn book in front of her. The words of “ How Great Thou Art “ pinging in her mind like a bullet to her chest.
But Lottie also stares — stares at Laura Lee as she sits with her family amongst the congregation. As she looks across the room , it’s all she can do. Laura’s face in the Bible as she hears her fathers voice. And Lottie thinks for a moment. Neither of them are meant to be in a place like this . Where faith seems like a hoax. And Laura Lee - at least in the mind of Lottie is the angel they should pray to. In a way — her own lifeline was the medications she got set in front of her. The little white pills make her feel even further from God ( if there is one ) as she looks down at the plate.
“ Miss Lottie . They’re just trying to help.”
She can hear the ringing of her maids' voices in the back of her help. Her parents had tried everything , from faith healing , to now sacred orange bottles that doctors swear would work. She remembers childhood innocence , with feet being dipped in the pool , and hopeful dreams of being far away from here.
Her dad offers a private plane, a way for the girls and their coaches to travel in style. Or travel in a way that she wouldn’t have to be surrounded by those who were “inferior” by her dad’s standards.
As each of the girls make their way into the plane, Lottie can’t help but notice, she doesn’t have the place in the world each of the girls seem to have. Each person has their own person. From Jackie and Shauna fitting perfectly together, like a puzzle. To Taissa and Van who you’d have to be blind to not notice the looks they share. Natalie in some way has Misty. But Lottie - she feels like she just has herself. It isn’t as if she yearns for the company. Part of her always would.
“ Lottie , we can’t have you sit with us.”
She recalls a “ friend “ speaking. And lottie feels herself fall apart. She’s in middle school. And though part of her knows she’s different - she wishes it didn’t matter. They’re all the same, aren’t they? Made of skin and bones. Made of these little quirks. Yet, it seems her quirks are too different. She looks for a place to sit, looks for a place to find her landing. And then she sees her - blue eyes making their way through her heart. She approaches carefully. Her lunch bag to her side.
“ Can I sit here?”
She worries about the rejection. Worries about once again being cast aside - instead though. She sees freckles and a smile and a nodding head. And it's like her blue painted walls are once again yellow.
“ I’m Lottie.”
“ Laura Lee.”
And all Lottie knows is she wants to know her better.
Laura Lee lays her head back against the seat. She feels the comfort of the seat and tries to find comfort within the seat. Despite the air travel wrecking her every nerve. She had flown before. Flew to a bible summer camp in Maine. She had flown to family reunions before. But this. There was something different to this.
It could have been the anticipation with the game in Seattle. All she could do was take deep breaths — trying her best to focus as her fingers played lightly with the cross around her necklace. It was a constant reminder of what she had strived for. Her faith.
As Lottie squeezes her hand three times though - she knows things would be okay.