Work Text:
I enjoy the beauty in the mends.
The patches on old clothes,
The cracks in ceramics and porcelain.
The comedy and kindness,
forged in trauma.
I can see myself in them,
The scars, the effort, the pain.
Could I trust someone unbroken
To love me as I am?
To understand?
In the end, I enjoy the companionship
The tidbits we share
From the offset tiles in our minds
The darkness that stains us,
Reshaped into laughter.
But those are of old wounds
They're familiar, safe,
Only ache when it's too cold.
Not like the ones in the future
Red hot burning.
Which ones?
The ones that are happening now
The ones I can't stop
The ones that are self inflicted
The ones that are accidental
Must all my lovers hurt themselves?
Is it part of being broken?
Can we not stop and learn,
Look around and see who else
Hurts when you hurt yourself?
The paradox of it all.
The past turned us into protectors,
Of everyone but ourselves.
When put together,
We lean on each other.
Then everyone hurts.
Everyone hurts.
Hurts.
The self sabotage is seen by the others
There's nothing they can do.
I can't make them.
Stop hurting yourselves.
Please.
I can't bear to see it.
Drinking poison,
Opening wounds,
Careless, reckless, selfish.
Stop.
If they could see themselves
Through my eyes
Maybe they'd stop…
Everyone I love
Doesn't care about themselves.
Maybe, maybe I too don't.
Do they watch as I hurt myself?
I don't even notice most of the time.
Does the beauty in the broken
Terrify us of getting fixed?
The inherency of living things
Is to heal. Scars fade over time.
Then would we lose our chips?
Our cracks and patches?
Would we lose who we are?
Maybe that's why
We poke and scratch,
Tear and burn,
Drink and forget.
To make sure we never heal.
To make sure we never lose who we are.
But is it better to stagnate in wallow,
Than to abandon the pain?
To let go of the suffering?
To put in the effort and move on?
Not hurt, not be broken?
I don't care if you change.
I want to see you happy.
I want to be proud of you.
I want you to grow
Into something better.
Everyone I love.
Growing hurts, but…
This hurts more.
Please take care of yourselves.
For everyone that loves you.
I love you.