Chapter Text
It was close to sundown when the two boys stopped by the seaside. The weather was hot and suffocating, but the breeze from the ocean almost compensated for it. Seated side by side on the green lawn, coats discarded, Double Black almost looked like your everyday teens taking a break after school.
Well, at least if you ignored the fact one was covered in bandages and the other one’s clothes were ripped at the edges - but hey, at least today there wasn't blood on them (that definitely would have brought some unwanted attention).
They had been seated there for half an hour now, time during which neither of them said a word. They had never planned for it to become a ritual - spending time together after missions - but sometimes, when the fight had been too much for both of them, the adrenaline running through their veins after it wouldn’t allow them to fully calm down even if exhausted to the bones. Not to mention, it’s not like they had anywhere better to be, or any family to come back to, so they would walk their way away from the Mafia territory and find somewhere quiet to be till their bodies understood that they could rest.
This had become an increasingly rare occurrence, however. Dazai was an executive, and spending time together outside of missions was something they did less and less. The younger had a bigger role in the Mafia now - and he had Lupin . It didn't take long for Chuuya to get the message - things changed. It’s not as if they were tied together, anyaway. The two halves of Soukoku were still whole when apart. He had his own people to see and care about, even if he didn’t know there was anyone there he would call a friend - not after the Flags, that is. But then again, it was the Mafia, and he was grateful for what he had, and especially for Kouyou.
Still, he would be lying if he said there wasn’t at least a small part of him that enjoyed and even missed moments like this, when for once he and Dazai were not in each other's throats.
- Tell me something, will you ~Chuuya~?
Yeah. Forget about the last part.
- What do you want, kuso Dazai?
- Can I ask a question?
- Does it make any difference If I say no?
- No - Dazai said with that damned smug face of his, the one he always wore when he was trying to play innocent but had some evil intent behind it.
Chuuya gave him his most deadpanned face. He had a bad feeling about this.
- Tsk. That's what I thought... - He took a deep breath. He was way too tired for this shit - Go ahead shithead. Before I change my mind.
- I was just wondering… - Dazai said, keeping his face to the sun but looking at the smaller, side-eyed - Why didn't Chuuya try to reach out for his parents yet?
For a second, the redhead was left out of breath. That definitely caught him off guard. He avoided the other’s eyes.
As the breeze got colder, Chuuya had gotten distracted by the playground a few meters away, where a young couple tried to convince the kid he supposed was their son that it was already getting too late. From this distance, the redhead heard the exasperated woman repeat over and over that No, munchkin, the playground won’t disappear, we can come back another day , but the little boy just wasn't ready to give in. It was amusing, really, how that fluff of blond hair held so much control over the adults that they ended up allowing him to stay for 15 more minutes, even if their body language snitched that they would much rather be home. And still, besides the tiredness, the contented smiles they had held while watching the kid run back and forth at the playground was large. Chuuya’s insides had twisted at the view.
So Dazai had noticed him staring.
Fuck.
- I have no Idea what you are talking about.
- My, my, my! My dog is a terrible liar…
- OI! Don’t call me that you ass! I am not your dog!!!
From all the things Dazai could have asked, this was the one Chuuya was least prepared for. There was a part of him that knew this topic would come back to haunt him sooner or later, but he would much rather ignore it for as long as he could. Obviously, it had to be his shitty partner the one to bring the issue up. Usually, he would deny anything and maybe throw some punches, but he was too tired for this today. He knew Dazai wouldn't just let him get away from this, and he also knew damn well that there was no point in lying - the beanpole would read right through him anyway. One way or another, it was better to just go with it and end this as soon as possible.
- We both know better than to waste time thinking about this, Dazai. I may not even have parents… tsk, I may not even be human to begin with. - The redhead said expressionless.
Dazai gave him a unamused look
- Ugh, your ugly hat really is affecting the little brain of yours isn’t it Chibi? - Dazai went to poke Chuuya’s head but got a slap in his hand in return - Didn’t I already tell you that only a human could be as annoying as Slug? You. are. human. Chuuya. Have I ever been wrong before?
Chuuya could only stare. He hated not being able to argue against it.
- What does it matter?
- What does what matter, Chi-bi-ko?
- If I am human. If I have parents. - The redhead gave an ugly, sad laugh - We are the Mafia. Double Black. We don’t belong in the light. There is no place for us out of this. It’s what Ane-san says.
- But you hope there is, don’t you?
Chuuya didn’t answer.
- I see the way you look at the civilian families we cross paths with, Chuuya. The dumb, distant, sad look you get on your face. Just like a dog that just got kicked. You used to have the same look when you saw teenage groups on the street, memories of the Sheep I suppose. But not anymore, not after Verlaine, not after N and everything that happened then. Now you look at couples with their little brats. You know there is at least one family out there looking for a redheaded kid. Why aren’t you doing something about it?
Dazai’s tone was cold, but at the same time Chuuya felt the words as if they burned. It was the same emotionless voice he used when he decided he was actually serious about something. A voice he usually kept for Mori. But there was something else there, some kind of anger, even. Something that told the ginger the taller one needed that answer.
- What am I even supposed to do, Dazai? - Chuuya’s voice was but a whisper - Let’s say I search for these people and find them, which would be fucking hard to do anyway, then what? I leave the Port Mafia? I expect them to accept me in their lives as if nothing never happened? As if I couldn’t be farther from being the child they had and lost? I mean, look at me Dazai - and the brown haired looked even if he didn’t need to, because he already spends most of his time with Chuuya looking, and if he feels a little breathless every time, and if he feels the need to just grab Chuuya and tell some truths, he would deny it to his hopefully close deathbed - This is, if they even want that kid back. I can’t trust anything I know about any of this anyway. Maybe they gave me to the government to begin with. Maybe they didn't want me in the first place.
When Chuuya stopped to catch his breath, he was met by Dazai’s slightly widened eyes. The redhead recomposed himself, realizing he already gave the brown haired more than enough of blackmail material for a day, and looked away before returning to face Dazai with his gaze once again sharp. But because Dazai was Dazai, he could also see the glimpse of doubt in that sea of blue, a hint of vulnerability even, although deeply buried. The redhead took a deep breath.
- I know what and who I am, Dazai. My life begins with Suribachi. I don’t think I would even be able to fit in any kind of normalcy anymore. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. If the parent’s you say are mine were stolen or tricked by the government, they probably think their son is gone, and they are right. That kid is dead. Has been for a long time. - Chuuya turned his gaze to the ocean again. There was silence for a moment, only the sound of the waves. The couple with the blonde haired boy had long left.
It wasn't Chuuya's words that surprised Dazai. Not exactly. He knew his chibi well enough to be able to read through him, and he was already expecting such an answer. What really caught him a little by surprise was the way Chuuya delivered those words, matter of factly, as if he thought about them a hundred times over to get to such a fatalist answer. The ginger wasn’t one to think twice or too much about things. Once he made up his mind it was almost impossible to drive him in another direction. This was, in fact, one of the many things that amazed him about the older.
Chuuya was all emotions, for better or worse. Not for a single second since their first meeting had Dazai seen the redhead in an apathetic state. He was loud even in his silence, and for the port mafia’s Demon Prodigy, as much as he pretended exasperation towards it, the way the redhead was able to even process and express so much sentiment so easily almost drove him insane. Looking at Chuuya right now, at his blue eyes shining fiercely with the last rays of sun, Dazai saw a shy glimpse of something else - was it shame? - he questioned himself what he even could say to all of that. The executive was, for once, out of words. Feelings were out of his boundaries.
Since Dazai seemed to be speechless, the smaller was the one to break the silence.
- What’s the matter, shitty mackerel? Sad you won’t get rid of me so easily?
Now, it was Chuuya’s turn to wear his signature smug face, and Dazai allowed himself to feel a little bit of relief at the view. His slug was back to his usual self - meaning, he could also be back to his usual self.
- You know, Chibi, if it was me - the redhead saw in the younger an expression he had never seen before, voice low and face almost soft - I would want my Chuuya back.
Chuuya‘s brain froze.
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
He could feel his face hot as his guts had started fluttering, a tickling sensation in his abdomen. Did he hear it right? Did he lose himself in his thoughts for a minute and lost track of the conversation? Was he lacking interpretation skills? How was he even supposed to respond to -
- After all, Chuuhuahua can’t grow for shit! Even if it was all a million years ago, it would be as if time never passed, ne? ~Chuu~ya!
Chuuya’s face was redder than his hair.
When Dazai shows up at Lupin’s with a black eye, neither Oda or Ango ask.