Actions

Work Header

The Tale of Waluigi

Summary:

My friends wrote this in frantic fanfic and decided the Internet at large needed to be exposed to it. I do not claim credit for it, it is reposted with permission.

Work Text:

Toaster-Chan stared around the cafe, tears in her eyes- had she been ghosted again? Just as she was about to give up... in he walked. Her hero. Tall, with striking dark hair and a fabulous mustache, he was incredibly handsome. "Ohayoo~!" She said in a cheery, high pitched voice. "W a e h, how are you doing dear lady?" He replied, in a voice that wasn't so deep and scary as OTHER men. "I'm good, and you?" She responded. "It's too hot," he decided. "Someone should file a complaint." "Hai, atsui desu nee..." she responded, showing off her fabulous Japanese skills. "Wut" asked Waluigi.
“I have a question for you,” Toaster-chan responded, “what is your favorite kind of toast topping.” Waluigi looked confused. He was afraid to answer in case he said the wrong thing. On instinct he said “water” for no apparent reason. Toaster-chan replied to his comment. “That would just make it soggy, which seems gross.” She started to walk away when Waluigi grabbed her by the hand and yanked her into the table. This sudden force causes the water glass to fall and spill onto Toaster-chan. She started to jolt and shake - she was short-circuiting! Waluigi panicked so he took his hat and tried drying the water. However, he had been sweating the entire time so it caused Toaster-chan to short circuit-more.
"Save me, Waluigi! Please!" Toaster-Chan wailed out. Waluigi yelped as he was zapped by Toaster-Chan. On instinct, he dropped his hat onto the ground. He heard another cry of pain as Toaster-Chan hit the ground. "Waluigi! Why have you done this?" Waluigi began sobbing as he desperately tried to undo the damage he'd done. His tears hit Toaster-Chan as sparks flew through the air. A spark hit Waluigi's gorgeous mustache and it caught fire. "Waaaaaah!" Waluigi abandoned his task to save Toaster-Chan and focused instead on his mustache. "Waluigi! Please, please, help me!" Waluigi didn't help her. Instead, all he could focus on was his mustache. Toaster-Chan died right in front of him as he finally extinguished his mustache. He let out a wah of agony as he stared at the charred body of his fan. Waluigi couldn't deal with what he'd done. Trembling, Waluigi walked away from the body like nothing happened. When Toaster-Chan's body was shown on the news, Waluigi said nothing. He only took a sip of whiskey. "What horrid villain could have done this to such a cute anime girl?" Waluigi clenched his drink tighter, and then he downed the whole bottle.