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Rei doesn't like his feelings.
He likes when things can be deduced with logic, and he likes when x always equals something.
And so he lays down to go to sleep after a study session, and he feels something that he doesn't like.
He doesn't like how a darkness curdles deep in his gut, and he doesn't like how it manipulates him into grabbing his phone and texting Nagisa.
Rei: Nagisa?
•••
Yeah, it was weird to think he'd r-
Nagisa: hi hi!
That's Nagisa for you; endlessly full of surprises.
Rei: Why are you awake?
Nagisa: don't turn this on me, you texted first (｀_´)ゞ
Rei: Sorry, I'll let you get some rest.
Nagisa: aw, but i wanna keep talking! we never talk anymore since we go to different universities ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡
Rei clutches his phone a bit tighter.
Rei: That's exactly why I'm texting you.
Nagisa: ❓
Rei: I miss you, Nagisa. I don't like this feeling at all. This loneliness, and this separation from you...
Rei: it's not beautiful.
•••
Nagisa's status on their messaging app goes offline, and Rei sighs.
He forgot, but these feelings are out of character for him. Nagisa probably didn't know how to react.
He shuts his eyes and forces himself to sleep, taking one last glance at his phone as a notification pops up.
"Tonight, there's a chance for rain in the following areas: Kyoto, Tokyo, Osaka..."
Rei doesn't read the rest.
As Rei sleeps, a memory flows through his mind.
"𝘏𝘦𝘺...", 𝘕𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘙𝘦𝘪'𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘢𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵'𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦.
"𝘏𝘮? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘵, 𝘕𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘢?", 𝘙𝘦𝘪 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘴, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮.
"𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘣𝘶𝘵...𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘰𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘪 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘏𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘬𝘢."
"𝘚𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐. 𝘍𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺, 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘵? 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘴."
𝘕𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘢 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘤 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴.
"𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵...𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘏𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘬𝘢 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘔𝘢𝘬𝘰, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘶."
𝘜𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘙𝘦𝘪 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘕𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘢, 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮.
"𝘐'𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘰𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘪, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶.", 𝘕𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦.
"𝘕𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘢...", 𝘙𝘦𝘪 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴; 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘕𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴
𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘯.
𝘙𝘦𝘪 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘴, 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺. "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴."
"𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺?"
"𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦? 𝘞𝘦'𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘥, 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘦? 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬."
𝘕𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘴𝘢 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘺, 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴.
In the middle of the night, amidst the sound of pouring rain, Rei hears a furious pounding on his door.
He slowly opens his eyes, reaching for his crimson frames as the pounding intensifies; he feels a moment of gratitude that he doesn't live with a roommate.
He stumbles over to the door, finally unfastening the lock and preparing what to say to the person.
"Do you have any idea what time it is? What could be so i-", he begins, but stops short once lilac eyes meet ruby ones.
"Rei, I'm sorry you've been lonely this whole time."
In the hallway stands a rain-soaked, shivering Nagisa, who's clutching a takeout bag that has what appears to be drinks in it. His face looks flushed from the cold, yet he still smiles at Rei.
"Nagisa...come in, come in!", he says, turning on a light and ushering Nagisa into the room.
After they get situated with blankets, the heater running, and the two boba drinks Nagisa brought, Rei tries again.
"So, what're you doing here? Going from Naribusawa all the way in Osaka to here is...", Rei trails off, but Nagisa giggles.
"I caught the last train to Kyoto. After I saw your messages, I...I couldn't leave you alone."
His bubbly giggles transition into a serious expression, his ruby eyes full of care.
"I never wanted to leave. That day, when I said I wanted to transfer...I meant it.", Nagisa says, his voice shaking as he tilts his head down.
The same as that day.
"I want to spend my college years with you, Rei. I want to have late night study sessions, and swim practice, and I want to take you to festivals on the weekends so I don't have to go alone, and I want to be with you!", Nagisa shouts, the tears leaving his eyes as he looks up at Rei.
Rei feels
struck.
He brushed Nagisa off, even though they both wanted the same thing.
If he had taken one risk
he could've been with the one he loves.
Well, there is another risk that can be taken.
One that might even make up for the last one he let slip through his fingers.
"Then let's do it."
Nagisa's tears stop their flow as his eyes widen in surprise.
"We can finish our years and transfer to Hidaka. We'll have two more years with Makoto and Haruka, and we'll have three years together.
"And...until the year ends, you can stay here! The bullet train from this part of Kyoto to Naribusawa in Osaka is less than a half hour!
"Or I can-", Rei rambles, until noticing a deep flush on Nagisa's face.
Too deep.
"Rei, I really appreciate it, but...I'm kinda dizzy.", Nagisa slurs, giggling a bit.
Rei leans over, placing the back of his hand on Nagisa's forehead; it's warm.
"You're running a fever! Right, it was raining! Even if the trains were running, I can't send you home like this! Get into my bed, I'll find some medicine.", Rei commands, leaping up to go locate a thermometer.
Nagisa clumsily climbs into Rei's navy bed sheets, layering Rei's blankets on top of him. He feels freezing, yet his insides burn.
Before Rei can return, he blacks out.
When Nagisa awakens, it's to a beautiful sight, more beautiful than any of the shallow promises that anyone around him made.
The orange sunrise turns a pale white as it flows through Rei's airy curtains, illuminating the room with the warmth of a spring morning.
He turns his head slightly to the right, where he sees Rei fondly smiling at him, his eyes crinkled on the corners from his warm smile.
Nagisa smiles back, a small giggle passing through his lips.
"Good morning.", Rei says quietly, placing a gentle hand on Nagisa's cheek; only he could disguise checking a fever as an affectionate gesture.
"Morning. I feel weird. Weirder than when I ate all that protein powder pasta for the Iwatobi Festa."
Rei lightly laughs. "You look awful. Your face is super red, and your fever hasn't gone down..."
Nagisa slyly grins. "I guess that's another reason for me to stay."
Nagisa fully turns towards Rei, placing his arms on his shoulders and dragging him onto the bed, where Nagisa clings to him.
Rei indulges him, placing one hand on the back of Nagisa's head and the other on his shoulder.
"I wish we could be like this
forever."