Chapter Text
James potter.
If you asked anyone at Hogwarts to describe him, the last thing anyone would say was angry. He's a ray of sunshine. Matter of fact, James Potter is the sun. Of course, he's been told that by numerous people. Always laughing, always willing to help others, always happy.
So why was he so pissed for no reason?
Everything in his life is perfect. He has two astounding parents who care for him. He has three amazing best friends who would do anything for him. He has a lovely boyfriend, who loves him very much. What more could he possibly want?
God, he was so selfish.
Sure, he might have been on edge all week, but that was only because of exams. And the fact that nobody will just shut the fuck up. But that was no reason to be so ungrateful. What is his problem, Acting like this when other people have it way worse? Remus had his Lycanthropy, Regulus and Sirius had their family, and Peter had his self-esteem. They all had problems, but he didn't. So why the fuck was he being so difficult?
He had nothing to be upset about.
He managed all of his friends' problems, avoiding his own. He took notes for Remus when he was unable to. He let Sirius sleep in his bed with him when they had nightmares even if he, himself, was getting barely any sleep at night. He was there for Regulus when he felt too shitty to even get out of bed. He reassured Peter when he felt as if he wasn't wanted enough to be considered their friend. He’d help out anyone who asked, even if he had to sacrifice his well-being for them.
It's ok though, he doesn't have any real problems. He’s just being dramatic. He has no right to be mad at his friends for wanting help. It's not like he ever told them no, cause he can't . He's just being a baby, actual men don't have problems. Real men don't get worked up over little inconveniences. Maybe he’s not a real man.
I'm fine.
Even if the dining hall is so loud, the noise makes his ears feel like they are bleeding. Can they all just shut up?
I'm fine.
Even if Peter is chewing so loud, it makes him want to rip his insides out. Just fucking stop!
I’m fine.
Even if the lights are so bright they feel like they are burning through his skull and melting his brain into mush.
I’m fine.
Even if the fabric of his clothes is so uncomfortable, his skin burns.
I’m fine.
Even if Remus is humming some song, the vibrations are going up his spine and make him feel like it's slowly being ripped out of his body.
I’m fine.
What is that taste?
I’m fine.
metallic?
I am fine.
Blood?
I am not fine- “Prongs?” Blood. Shit.
What?
“James, are you ok?” Sirius asks.
“Hmm..? Oh yeah, I'm good” He says quickly, voice tight. Coming back to the present, he realized he had been biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. Great.
“You sure, you seem tense?” Remus points out from where he is sitting next to Sirius on the other side of the table. James looked over to where Regulus was sitting looking for some comfort only to see him staring back, a look of concern on his face. James looked back at Remus.
“Yeah, just zon–” He started before he was cut off by possibly the loudest scream he had ever heard.
“PIXIE!! IT’S GOTTEN LOOSE!!” some third-year screamed from across the hall. SHUT UP!
And with that, the whole hall promptly erupted into screams. Fuck, James couldn't take it anymore he wanted to rip her fucking hea–
Breath.
He had to get out of here. He started to stand, failing, trying to make his way out of the hall, but his vision was starting to blur as tears pricked his eyes, he couldn't breathe. No, no, no, not here.
“James, where are you going?” Sirius asked over the screams of the hall. SHUT UP! He wanted to scream at them and tell them that it was none of their business. But he couldn't speak. Everything was too much.
Too much.
“James, hello?” they asked again, more concerned now.
James stood up, successfully this time, shaking in rage, he sprinted out of the dining hall, ignoring the calls of confusion from his friends. He couldn't see. Why was everything spinning? He couldn't think, all his thoughts clouded with rage. Can they all just fuck off, what did he have to be mad at!?
Finally, after what felt like hours of stumbling through empty halls, ( it was like 3 minutes) James made it to the common room. His fists balled up, nails digging into his palms threatening to break skin. James swiftly makes his way up the stairs and to the dorm.
Upon entering the dorm, he couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't ground himself. Everyone was so anything, acting like they fucking care, coulden't they just mind their own business. Everything was too much, I can't take it.
Fuck.