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“Ah, there you are,” Colin said. “I’ve been looking for you.”
Penelope smiled. “Not for too long, I hope.”
Colin could not help but smile back. He took a few more long strides towards her, moving to join her in the spot she had left vacant for him on the garden bench.
Vaguely, Colin wondered how many times they had found themselves like this over the course of the past season. Just how many times had they whispered in secluded corners or stolen away to lonely gardens – to plot out Penelope’s forays into the marriage mart, of course, but also to share in a hushed joke, a smile, a laugh?
Colin could not remember the last time he had so enjoyed a season in London.
“Only for a few moments, but rest assured I would have spent the rest of my life searching if I’d had to,” Colin responded.
Penelope chuckled. “You’re incorrigible.”
“You would want me no other way,” Colin prodded, swaying into her softly. Penelope batted him away with a flick of her wrist.
It was the final ball of the season – Lady Cowper had insisted on hosting, overjoyed that Cressida had managed to secure a proposal before the season’s end. To the surprise of no one, the affair was utterly garish. Immediately upon entering the ballroom, Colin had anticipated that Penelope would desire a quick exit. Of course, Penelope held little regard for the Cowpers, but moreover, Colin knew she would absolutely despise the gaudy nature of the event. Colin smiled to himself. He may have helped turn Penelope into a proper debutante, a lady of the ton, but deep down, she would always be his Pen.
“It is a most pleasant evening,” Penelope commented. “And it is quiet out here. Peaceful.”
Colin nodded his agreement. It was, indeed, a lovely night. The dusk had managed to cool the muggy August air, leaving behind only the pleasant warmth of summer. The moon hung proudly in the sky, as if in full bloom, its silver light clinging to them and enveloping them in an ethereal glow.
Colin forced himself to swallow. Penelope looked ethereal.
He cleared his throat, attempting to divert his thoughts away from what he knew was dangerous territory. He was not quite sure how it had escaped his notice for as long as it had, but over the last few months he had finally seen it – Penelope was beautiful. And now that he had noticed it, he found he could not stop noticing.
Yes, she was physically beautiful – the gentle curl of her auburn hair, the pout of her lips, the curves that teased him from underneath the neckline of each ballgown. But it was more than that. It was her mind, her independent spirit, her wit. Even when he had discovered her business as Lady Whistledown, he could not help but think it – she was radiant. Astonishing.
“You did not find yourself at peace amongst the flock of peacocks on the terrace?” he retorted finally, willing himself back to the present moment.
“Not quite,” Penelope said. “I simply required a moment to think, is all.”
Colin turned to look at her more closely. It was only then that he noticed a rather far off look in her eye, her gaze fixed straight ahead – a rather endearing quirk of hers that indicated she was deep in thought.
“Wool gathering?” Colin prompted.
“In a way,” Penelope answered. She paused for a moment, as if debating her next words. “Imagining what tomorrow will bring.”
Colin furrowed his brow. “Tomorrow being…?”
Penelope let out a sigh. “Tomorrow being the day Lord Debling is to propose.”
Colin wondered if Penelope could hear the air escape his lungs. His Penelope, his astonishing Penelope. It could not be. He tried to swallow, but he found that his heartbeat was lodged in his throat. “Lord Debling?” he said after a moment, reminding himself with each passing second how to breathe again. When Penelope said nothing, he continued. “Tomorrow?”
“I believe I have just said as much,” Penelope responded. She gave him a small smile, though it did not reach her eyes.
“And what will you say?” he implored. He tried desperately to catch her eye, but she refused to look directly at him.
“I will say yes, of course,” she announced. She let out a tight laugh. “Colin, this is only what we have been working towards all season.”
“Yes,” Colin responded, turning away from Penelope and slumping against the bench. He was losing her. “You are right. Of course it is.” He exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair.
Penelope cleared her throat. “I wanted to say, well… thank you. I did not think it possible a few months ago that – ”
A sickly taste rose in the back of Colin’s throat. “Do not thank me,” he said.
“But I must! Without you, I – ”
“Please, Penelope,” he whispered. “Don’t.”
Penelope went quiet, her eyes searching his face. He knew that look. To most it was inscrutable, but Colin knew – it was no longer Penelope regarding him, but rather Lady Whistledown. She was attempting to read him, to pick apart his thoughts and uncover the truth that lay underneath.
“Well,” she said finally, “would you like to offer your congratulations?”
Colin did not mean to scoff. “My congratulations?”
Penelope squirmed in the seat next to him. He could tell she was becoming irritated with him. A part of him felt vindicated, glad that he was not the only party here unhappy with the situation. “It is customary to congratulate a lady on her engagement, you know.”
Colin nodded slowly, as if pondering her words. Eventually he settled on – “You do not seem all too happy about it.”
Penelope pressed her lips together. “I am happy.”
“Are you truly?” he pressed, turning towards her again. Before he could think better of it, he grasped her hand with his.
Penelope looked down at where he touched her. She shook her head, slowly. “Of course I am happy, Colin. This is all I have ever wanted. A husband, a marriage. To be free.”
Colin blinked, swallowing heavily. “Well, if this is all you have ever wanted, then I suppose I should congratulate you,” he murmured. He found himself tracing circles into her hand with his thumb, reminding himself again to breathe in and out in a steady rhythm. “Congratulations, Penelope.”
They sat together in silence, hands joined in her lap. A beat passed, and then another. Perhaps if he refused to let go… if he –
“Well,” she whispered, so softly that he nearly missed it. Colin whipped his head up to meet her eye, but her gaze remained downcast. “I suppose that is not quite true. It is not all I ever wanted.”
Colin nodded. “You know you deserve everything, right, Pen? All of it,” he said, squeezing her hand tightly.
Penelope gave a watery laugh. “It’s silly,” she said. “You’ll laugh.”
“I can promise you I won’t,” Colin responded.
Penelope nodded. He could hear her inhale sharply. “Very well. I suppose if we are talking about everything I ever wanted, well… there was a time when all I ever wanted was you.”
Colin felt his heart stutter against his ribcage, ears ringing. “Me?”
“See, I told you that you would laugh, didn’t I? It’s ridiculous, I know – ”
“Penelope,” he said firmly. “Penelope, please look at me.”
She looked up at him then, and Colin felt his heart clench in his chest as they locked eyes. She was so sweet, his Penelope, her lips slightly parted as if she couldn’t quite believe what she had said. He almost didn’t want to believe it, terrified that any moment she would break into laughter, dousing this flicker of hope – simply another one of her barbs, another joke between friends.
But she didn’t laugh. She held his gaze fiercely, even as he noticed her hands shake. He felt a surge of affection rush through him – she was braver than he would ever be. Colin had half a mind to get down on his knees to worship at her feet right then and there. His goddess, shimmering before him in the moonlight.
He swallowed, bringing his hand up to rest at her cheek. She was to be engaged to another man tomorrow. A kind man, a sensible man. He held her gently, as if she might break, and he wondered if this would be the only time she would allow him to touch her in such a manner. He felt a pull deep in his stomach. Lord, how he ached for her – did she know? Did she feel it, too?
Penelope’s eyes flickered down to his lips, and suddenly he was lost. He felt himself let out a groan. God help him, he loved her – body, soul, and everything in between.
And so that night, in the Cowpers’ garden, on the eve of her engagement to Lord Debling, Colin Bridgerton kissed Penelope Featherington.
He had never heard anything so sweet as the gasp that escaped Penelope’s lips as he brought his lips to hers. He brought a hand to her waist, gripping her to him. She was a divine being, he was sure of it. The way she fit against him, the pout of her lips, as soft and lush as he had ever dreamed – it was otherworldly.
He could feel her lashes fluttering against his cheek, and he sighed, bringing her closer still. She was so lovely, so warm and pliant in his arms, and so he drank her in, his kiss bordering on desperate. He felt something twist in his chest. It was a territorial, feral sort of thing, and he was suddenly struck with the overwhelming need to mark her, to claim her as his own.
Penelope let out a soft whimper as his lips left hers. He trailed a line of insistent kisses along her jaw and down the length of her neck, worshipping her there, nipping at her and soothing her skin with his tongue.
“What are you doing to me, Penelope,” he whispered into her. He could feel her shiver against him. “I have never... I – ”
Penelope grabbed at his jaw, drawing his face up to meet hers. They did nothing but stare at each other for a long moment, chests heaving in sync.
“I must know,” she whispered after some time. “I must know if you feel the same.” He felt his heart clench once more at the look on her face – Lord, she was terrified.
He began to nod his head insistently. “Yes. Yes. I don’t know when or where or how, but one day I woke up, and it was you. It has always been you,” he breathed out, grasping at both of her hands.
She smiled at him then, but there was a sadness to it that Colin could not explain. “It is because you are losing me,” she asserted. She shook her head softly. “You were always afraid to lose me.”
He could feel his stomach drop at her words, acid churning deep in his gut. “It is not – ”
“Debling is proposing tomorrow,” she cut him off. “And suddenly now it is me? It has always been me?”
Colin open and closed his mouth. “You must believe me,” he managed to say.
Penelope turned away from him, casting her eyes up toward the moon. “I am sorry, Colin, but I cannot,” she responded tightly. “I have been the fool one too many times. And now there is a man,” she began, pausing as her voice trembled, “a man who is secure in his affection for me and is unafraid to let it be known.”
Colin caught the shimmer of a tear in her eye, but she quickly wiped it away. “He is offering me something you cannot,” she continued, “Look at us now! Hiding in the shadows, again,” she exclaimed, letting out a wry laugh. “Perhaps we should end our acquaintance here,” she whispered, as if confiding in him her most shameful secret. “Once I am married, this will be much too difficult.”
Colin brought a hand to his temple. His mind was spinning in a futile attempt to piece together the past few minutes. A mere moment ago he had held her in his arms – what had happened? Where had it gone so wrong?
“Please do not accept his proposal,” he uttered lowly.
Penelope nodded gingerly. “I hope you have a good evening, Colin,” she said. She hesitated a moment before leaning over, letting her lips brush softly against his cheek.
He let his eyes fall shut at the sensation, his hand reaching for hers without thinking.
She gasped at his touch.
Her reaction was enough to spur him forward, and he slowly brought his other hand up to cradle her face. He stared at her intently, as if he was trying to memorize her. Maybe he was.
Penelope looked at him with round eyes, her cheeks turning pink as her eyes once more dipped down towards his lips. Colin swallowed deeply. He could feel her breath on his cheek, and, by God, he was going to kiss her again.
“Pen – ”
“My God,” came a voice.
Colin and Penelope spun around as if in unison, hastily attempting to separate themselves, but it was too late - Eloise Bridgerton stood open-mouthed and wide-eyed at the edge of the garden.
“Colin," Eloise said slowly. "What have you done?”
What indeed?