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Raine has grown used to this.
Staring at their former bedroom’s ceiling, letting their mind be consumed by their thoughts every single night.
It’s a guilt that plagues them. As much as they’d talked to Althea or their Moms, nothing could erase it.
You ruined everything.
You ruined her.
You were too dumb to see what was right in front of you.
Raine flipped onto their side, pulling their arms in. They viewed the clock. 3:37am.
For Titan’s sake they hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in months.
Five months ago if you told them they’d be living with their moms because they left the girlfriend they so dearly loved, Raine would have been confused. Distraught. Or simply just laughed it off.
But now it was reality.
To make the matter even worse, their daughter was stuck between it all. Raine had no idea where Eda was now, and they were pretty certain she… wasn’t going to appear or reach out anytime soon. Their daughter, Lydian, however, hadn’t fully grasped it from what they could tell.
It’s a plaguing thought, their sweet little girl having to witness such a nasty seperation between her parents.
And they still worried about how much she knew.
Lydian didn’t really comprehend much of what was going on, she was five for Titan’s sake, but they knew some things were said they would much rather she never have to hear from them.
“I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF YOU LOVE OUR DAUGHTER!”
The words spit venom right back at them. Everything they’d always scoured against coming to the surface in a tidal wave not even the most talented oracle could’ve predicted.
And it hurt her. The strike back, her dispute, immediately fighting so hard to prove the words untrue.
Something Raine never wanted to make Eda do was doubt herself and they’d done it.
They bit back a cry. It wasn’t worth dwelling over this, it had been almost half a year.
But they were interrupted when they heard the door to their bedroom open. They sat up and rubbed the sleep from their eyes. They quickly spotted the familiar ginger hair of Lydian and they put their glasses on.
“Lydian? What’s wrong, Songbird?” Raine summoned a light spell with their hand and patted the comforter for Lydian to hop on the bed. When they got a closer look at her face is when they noticed the tears streaming down their little girl’s face.
“N-Nini…” Her voice was barely louder than a whisper, “Why won’t mama come back…”
Raine’s eyes widened with shock. It was as if the world wanted to crush them with a fist full of irony.
“Lydian, sweetie shhh,” They pulled her into their lap, “I don’t… know why she’s gone sweetie… but I’m still here…”
“D-did I do something to make her leave?” Lydian asked. Raine felt their gut be punched inward.
“Lydian Whispers, nothing you ever did made you mother leave y…” They stop the words from escaping their lips. Stupid… stupid stupid why did they always almost say all the wrong things?!
“Then d-does she not like m-me?” Lydian’s crying returned and Raine wrapped their arms around her and began rocking her in their lap.
“Shh… that is not true in the slightest, I want you to know that,” They placed a kiss on her head, “This is not your fault. Your mama loves you so… so much…”
It’s then they find themself crying as well. Raine hadn’t planned on that. Not in front of Lydian at least. But it feels… relieving. Lydian might be crying but… it makes Raine sad too.
If Raine was to be strong they needed it out… and Lydian needed to understand she wasn’t the only one who was hurt.
Hell, that’s probably what lead to that.
So Raine embraced it, and let Lydian cry with them. Raine might’ve been totally lost with themself, but they knew they had Lydian.
Their sweet, precious daughter.