Work Text:
i am awful
i am heartless
The guilt hit Tommy like a bullet train that night. He’d taken Philippe away from his homeland, his family (if he even had one, the language barrier stopped them talking about things like that).
Tommy wanted nothing more than to walk downstairs, say sorry to his beloved and hug in the kitchen while whispering sweet nothings in his ear, with only the moonlight to guide them. But how are you supposed to tell someone that the reason you’re upset is because you love them so much?
Before Tommy could dwell on this anymore, an all too gentle knock on the door filled Tommys ears
“Tommy, you okay?” Philippe said in his broken english
Embarrassment slowly crept up Tommys neck towards his ears, he can’t let Philippe see him like this. Philippe needed him to be strong not crying like a little girl over his stupid thoughts.
Realising he hadn’t answered Tommy let out a weak “I’m okay” he tried to sound confident but he knew that Philippe heard the wobble in his voice. This was confirmed when he felt a warm calloused hand on his bare shoulder, mindlessly rubbing shapes into his skin. Soothing him.
He gave him a look that Tommy read as ‘ask me to stay and, i will. I will drop everything if you ask me to stay.’ so Tommy gave a look back that he hoped Philippe read as ‘stay. please don’t leave me’
“what’s wrong” Philippe said, staring into Tommys watery eyes. He understood. And that’s all it took for Tommy to break, God he didn’t know that anyone could have this effect on him.
“Why did you stay with me? don’t you miss your family?” Philippe looked at him, confused, all this English too much for him. Tommy made a house shape with his hands “Home?…..do you miss home?”
“Maison?” Philippe finally questioned understanding, Tommy gave a small nod. “Non” he smiled, but it was a sad smile. “Family…gone, Germans”
Tommy understood, he always did. While the war hadn’t reached this country yet, he still worried about his mama.
“Tommy, qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?” he whispered, gently, like if he spoke any louder Tommy would shatter under the sound.
Tommy only knew some french but he didn’t need to know the language to know what his love was saying to him. They were always good a silent communication.
“I’m a terrible person, i don’t deserve your love.” he let his insecurities out, knowing that there was no point in hiding them. Philippe would always find out, he was a smart bastard like that.
Philippe looked at him with this look that Tommy couldn’t quite read. Just then he reached up and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Tommys ear, just the way Tommy liked it. It’s always nice when someone remembers the small details about you.
“i could explain all the reasons i love you, but it would take long time”
i’d listen Tommy thought weakly.
Philippe smiled almost reading Tommys mind. He suddenly laid Tommy down on their shared bed and climbed on top of his stomach. Face dropping down so his nose was touching Tommys.
“Je t’aime” he whispered kissing the tip of his nose, “Je t’aime” he repeated over and over kissing Tommys face, everything he loved about it. His freckles, the way his teeth slightly leaned to the left, the scar bellow his right eye from shrapnel. All of it.
Tommy was so thankful to have Philippe in his life. He wanted to thank him for loving him even when he still tasted like heartache and war. So he did, wordlessly, he reached down to Gibsons hand holding it so delicately, and gave it 3 squeezes. I. Love. You.
Philippe pulled away from his face, his eyes softened and he gave 3 squeezes back and another one of those looks ‘you are sunlight through a window and i’m the plant on the windowsill being warmed’ . God he loved him.
“Why?” This was Gibsons way of asking him why he doubted himself, why his seemingly perfect angel thought of himself so lowly.
“Because i am not the type of person someone falls on love with”
This made Philippe visibly upset, Tommy felt guilty. “you perfect mon ange” he leant down and gave Tommy a chaste kiss on the lips, Tommy reciprocated almost immediately, thankful for the affection he so desperately craved.
“i’m…” he paused a minute, trying to think of the word in English, “….grateful to have you ” he hoped his angel understood.
“i’m grateful to have you in my life too Philippe”
Philippe smiled satisfied, his angel knew. So he looked at him wordlessly saying ‘Believe me when i say i’ll always be there’
Tommy looked back ‘even at my worst’
‘even at your worst’