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Waking up after parties always went the same, no matter the party you had been to. Usually you woke up grumbling, and scrambling for your water bottle. You typically rolled over and either sat with your eyes closed, willing the world to stop spinning, or fell back asleep. Then, once you felt more human, you would crawl out of bed in search of some food.
You went to a party during the summer between your sophomore and junior years that started off pretty typically. The first things you did after the party were grumble and turn over. Then you started recalling what the fuck occurred the previous night that made you feel so shitty. You remembered talking to people, and drinking a lot of vodka, and playing some game, and then you…
Holy fuck. You shot up, even though the world was spinning and you felt increasingly dizzy. Through your hungover, fuzzy memory haze, you thought about something that happened the night before. Which… it had to be a fake memory, right? You had to be remembering the previous night incorrectly. There was no way that what you thought happened actually happened. And yet, the more and more you thought about it, the more and more clear the memory became.
Shit. You were in trouble. You fucked up big time.
The next thing you did was knock loudly on Rose and Kanaya’s door. You demanded that Kanaya spend time with you alone, without the presence of Rose, who she was seemingly attached at the hip with since they started dating a few weeks ago. You were thrilled for them. You couldn’t imagine a better couple, but you needed your friend desperately. It was an emergency and Rose could not be there. As much as you cared about Rose, this was something for Kanaya’s ears only, for obvious reasons.
“Kanaya, it’s crucial. I am about to lose my shit and all of you will be subjected to that,” you said after Kanaya answered the door.
Kanaya rolled her eyes. “Of course, Karkat. I’m sure it is.”
“It is and I need you. Get dressed. We’re going to lunch,” you said and walked back to your room, planning on showering and getting dressed. You could probably think better once you were clean and dressed.
About an hour later, you and Kanaya were at a restaurant near campus. It was pretty quiet, partly because it was still pretty early on a Saturday and partly because it was summer and most of the students were gone. It made you feel relaxed, because you wanted as few people as possible to know about what went down.
“Dave and I kissed,” you said after you had ordered your food, because you were not one for subtly and you were just about bursting after holding that secret in for the last hour.
Kanaya’s face lit up, looking partially surprised and partially happy. “Oh. That’s a development. That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you two,” Kanaya said, sounding pleased. You sighed and frowned, wishing that Kanaya hadn’t said that.
“Kanaya, we aren’t together,” you asserted, feeling incredibly frustrated. “Do you see the problem now?”
“Oh,” Kanaya said again, this time sounding confused. “Well, then that is certainly unexpected. What happened?”
You sighed and recalled the previous night. Though summers were typically quieter in the area surrounding your college campus, there were some students that stayed over the warm months because of jobs and internships and summer classes. It had been a pretty uneventful few weeks. The most exciting thing that happened was Kanaya moving into the apartment, but besides that, it was nothing special, nothing to write home about. And the boredom was getting to you.
So, when you were busy doing nothing but sitting in your room, in front of the fan and bullshitting around on your laptop, you were surprised when Dave knocked on your door. “How’s it going?” Dave asked when you looked up.
You shrugged, wishing you had a more interesting answer than the truth. “It’s the middle of summer so it’s hot as hell and I’m bored as shit. There’s not much to say,” you said. “How about you?”
“My schedule for tonight is pretty uneventful, completely blank. Tabula rasa or whatever that shit is. But, I was thinking-”
“Oh my god. You thinking? That’s dangerous. If it ends up being that your grand plan to keep yourself entertained is fuck with Karkat, then count me out. I’m not falling for your shit,” you said, crossing your arms. Now that you and Dave were back on speaking terms, he had resumed his number one favorite pastime, which was bothering you. It was pretty aggravating, no matter how much you kind of liked the attention.
Dave laughed a little at you. “Fine, dude. It sounds like someone doesn’t want to go out tonight. I guess I’ll just find some other angry manlet to go to a party with.”
“Who said I want to go with you anyway?” you said, before adding on, “Where?” because, of course you fucking wanted to go to the party. You just couldn’t say that right off the bat. Dave smiled in response knowing that you were probably going to say yes no matter where the party took place and who was going.
The party itself was fine. It was a little less crowded than the ones you attended during the school year, but nonetheless there was a good turn out. You saw some people you knew from the environmental science club and got roped into a conversation that probably went on for far too long about sustainable cleaning products. Dave made his rounds, and everytime he came back in your direction, he seemed to be holding a different drink. You rolled your eyes, preemptively annoyed by the fact that you were gonna have to be the responsible one here and make sure his stupid ass got home.
“Hey guys,” one of the people from your club, Tavros, said. “I think we’re trying to get everyone together to play a game or something. Do you guys want to play? Only if you want to.”
You spotted Dave in your line of vision, talking animatedly to some girl. He was definitely drunk, which meant you could bully him into playing the game with you. “Me and Dave are down,” you said, walking over to Dave and pulling him back lightly by his shirt. “Come on. We’re playing a game, Strider.”
“Oh shit, what game? I love games,” Dave replied, stumbling a little as you pulled him back. The game was Jenga, but written on each tile was a rule or dare. Most of them were pretty innocuous like let another player post on your social media or switch drinks with another player, and you weren’t really worried about knocking down the tower because you were pretty sober. So, when it came to your turn midgame, you felt alright. You could handle whatever it was that was written on the tile you chose.
You pulled the tile closest to you and nearly threw up on the spot when you saw what it said. You paused for way too long, meaning that the girl on your right looked at your tile and read it out loud, laughter in her voice. “Kiss the player to your left. Oooo, Karkat!” she exclaimed.
You looked to your left, where Dave stood. “Absolutely not,” you said, feeling like you were about to start crying. “Not in a million fucking years.”
“What!” Dave exclaimed. “Are you kidding me? Dude, is the thought of kissing me that awful?”
You opened your mouth to reply, but someone said, “You can kiss him, or you can finish your drink.” Opting to take that moment to not answer Dave’s question, you downed your nearly full drink more quickly than you’ve ever drank before in your life. When you set down your drink, a few people around you whooped and clapped, but you were too busy staring at your feet to look.
“I need a new drink. I’m over this game,” you announced to no one in particular and stalked off to the kitchen. You looked at the various hard liquors and debated what would be the best drink to get you as fucked up as possible, You had completely lost interest in your previous plan to be the responsible one and make sure that you and Dave got home safe. You needed to get drunk like now. It would be the only way you could make it out of this party alive.
You ended up just mixing a bunch of alcohol together with a heaping amount of soda in a homemade version of a long island iced tea. It tasted like shit, but you didn’t care if you ended up with your head in the toilet in an hour’s time. You needed to wipe your memory immediately and stop yourself from crying, because your life just seemed to be one sick joke after another.
You were halfway done with your drink and planning on making another. Your hands had finally stopped shaking, when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned to see Dave. “What happened to the game?” was the first thing you asked, looking everywhere but at Dave’s face.
“Tower fell over and I got bored while everyone was rebuilding it,” Dave replied with a shrug. He was silent for a moment, before opening his mouth again, clearly unable to stop himself from ruining your life. “I gotta ask Karkat. Why wouldn’t you kiss me? Like, what the hell man?”
“Shut up,” you replied, taking another long sip from your cup. “I am not talking about this.”
“Why? Am I not attractive enough?” Dave asked. You nearly lunged for his throat, doing anything to get him to shut up, because you seriously couldn’t have this conversation right now. “Or are you homophobic or something dude? What’s wrong with you?”
“Don’t be fucking obtuse. You know I’m gay,” you replied, squeezing your cup so forcefully, you were actually scared it would break. You pushed past Dave and ended up in the crowd in the living room.
“Shots!” someone said and people began passing out mini red solo cups full of some liquid, you assumed it was vodka. You took one shot before everyone else did, and grabbed another tiny cup to take with the rest of the party. For the next bit, you continued to float around, not wanting to stay in one place for too long, for fear that Dave would find you.
By the time you finished your drink and were half way through your next one, you were feeling a little hot. You scrambled for the sliding glass door and headed out to the balcony of the apartment. You knew you weren’t going to get sick, especially once the cool air hit you. But fuck, were you drunk. And in record time. You started laughing, mainly because of how fucking ridiculous your life currently was. How the fuck did you end up in this situation???
“Hey Karkat,” you heard a voice say behind you. You didn’t have to turn around to know who it was, so you didn’t move. It was clearly Dave. He found you, and now you were trapped. Goddammit.
“Hey,” you responded, waving a hand in Dave’s general direction. You felt your stomach tie up in knots as he stood next to you, leaning on the balcony’s railing. “Having fun?” you asked, at loss for what to say. You cringed at your small talk, when clearly this was going to be more than a typical conversation. Dave couldn’t let things go, especially when he was drunk. It seemed like his brain to mouth filter went practically nonexistent, so you could guess what he was going to say next.
“Yeah, yeah,” Dave said. He sighed and looked at you. “I’m sorry, but I am actually incapable of shutting my mouth right now. What happened in there dude?”
“With?” you asked, knowing what Dave was referring to, but hoping to stall nonetheless. If there is a God, please take this moment to strike me down, you thought hopelessly.
“With the game, Karkat. I just…” Dave paused, clearly struggling to put whatever he was thinking into words. “Why didn’t you kiss me, bro? What would have been so bad about that? I mean, I have kissing experience, and I don’t think I’m that shit at it. Could be better, I guess, but you passed judgment before you even kissed me. Do I smell bad or something?”
“Dave,” you started, but he kept on talking. You had known Dave for nearly two years, and you had gotten to know him well enough to recognize when his ramblings were at a point where virtually nothing could stop them. You just wished that he would stop fucking talking so you could come up with a half decent excuse. You couldn’t think, and he was making your already fuzzy head spin. You sighed, feeling a confusing combination of annoyed, mad, sad, and attracted to Dave.
So, you did the only thing you could think of doing in that moment. You leaned up and shoved your lips into Dave’s, willing him to stop talking. Dave seemed surprised at first, freezing up, before he reciprocated, cupping one of your cheeks in your empty hand. You felt yourself melting into his touch. God, you were easy. And holy shit, you were finally kissing Dave.
He wasn’t lying, you thought in the middle of the kiss. He wasn’t shit at kissing, even though he and you were both pretty fucking drunk. He was actually surprisingly good at it, but you weren’t sure if that was because you had fantasized about doing this for over a year at this point. Did it really matter though? Eventually, you pulled away, and he kept his hand on your cheek.
Dave looked shocked, at a loss for words for once in his life. “Um, wow,” Dave finally said. “That was… wow.”
“Yeah,” you replied, feeling kind of surprised yourself that you actually fucking did that. “Um, I’m sorry. God, I don’t know what came over me. That was-” you started.
“Nope. No need to apologize dude,” Dave said, cutting you off. You were about to argue with him, before Dave closed the gap between the two of you yet again, pulling you into a kiss. You weren’t sure how much longer you stayed like that, but you knew it was a long time, because by the time you went back into the apartment, the party was winding down. The walk home was foggy for you, but you remembered walking home, hand in hand with Dave.
“Well, you’ve got to talk to him,” Kanaya said as you finished the story. You looked at her like she had grown an extra head.
“What? Not a chance in hell. I’m sure he’s home right now, desperately trying to forget what happened last night, or maybe he doesn’t even remember it! Who knows! All I know is that sober, he’s going to wish it never happened,” you replied, feeling dejected. You kissed Dave and probably lost him in a time span of less than 24 hours.
Kanaya sighed. “Karkat. You’re a grown adult. You should talk to him about this, because drunk words and actions are sober thoughts after all, right? Maybe he wanted to do that for a while now, and maybe he’s just as worried about this as you are. Have you ever considered that?”
“But… it’s hard,” you admitted to Kanaya, feeling an odd combination of seen and understood and scrutinized under her gaze. You were, on the whole, a very private person. You didn’t open up easily to people, and anytime you seemed to talk about your emotions was after bottling them up for weeks. The only reason you had confided in Kanaya about this was because you trusted her and felt so fucking panicked about the situation at hand. “And embarrassing. What if he regrets it? What if he is horrified it happens? What if he hates me? What if-”
“And what if he wanted to kiss you Karkat? What then? Would it be such a travesty if he actually reciprocated the feelings you’ve had for him for over a year now?” Kanaya asked. You bit your lip. You hated when she had a point, because he did kiss you back, and did initiate the second kiss of his own accord.
“I can’t get my hopes up,” you said finally after pondering what Kanaya said for a few moments. “But, because I know you’re going to guilt me into it, I’ll talk to him about it.”
“That’s the spirit,” Kanaya replied, sounding far too cheerful for what was potentially the most emotionally taxing day of your life. “Oh, look! Here is the waiter with our food!”
When you ate food and started rehydrating, you continued to feel better and better. Not just physically, but also emotionally. You listened to Kanaya and took what she said to heart. There was, probably, a small percent chance that Dave liked you back, if you stopped thinking about the obvious answer. And that would be incredible if he felt that way about you. Because, if you were being honest, your crush on Dave was not going anywhere anytime soon. And, one of the last times you went to a party together, you thought he was going to kiss you. So, maybe he was planning on it back then and this time he just actually went through with that because you kissed him first. You tried not to feel too excited about that prospect and failed spectacularly.
You had mostly agreed to talk to Dave about it to appease Kanaya, but as you paid for your meal, you felt good about the decision. You would talk to Dave, and ask him about what the fuck went down and why, and if all went to plan, you would resolve this once and for all. Easier said than done, but you felt ready, emboldened by your conversation with Kanaya.
You got home, trailing behind Kanaya as she opened the door to your apartment. And of fucking course, Dave was sitting on the couch, talking to Rose, which kind of made you nervous. You expected you would have time to prepare before talking to Dave and that he wouldn’t be sitting there the second you walked in. Shit. You lost all courage almost instantly. “Yo, Karkat! How are you doing today? Some party, huh? Pretty wild. I can’t believe how drunk I got. Fucking under the table and shit.”
Dave seemed… surprisingly normal. As normal as Dave usually was, which was equal parts concerning and relieving. Concerning because he seemed to not care or remember about the kiss, and relieving because well… he didn’t seem to remember the kiss. If he didn’t remember, well then everything could go back to normal. And that would be good, right? No room for Dave to regret whatever temporary, alcohol induced sanity possessed him to make him want to kiss you.
In an instant, you decided to change your course of action. Every bit of confidence you had in your previous plan of attack had been lost and you decided to go with a new plan, a new strategy to deal with this situation.
“Last night was crazy. I barely remember it,” you said before you could stop yourself. Kanaya looked at you, probably surprised since you seemed very set on talking to Dave about it less than an hour before at the restaurant. You talked a big game almost always, but you were scared. Confronting Dave and your feelings head on for him was scary, and that was putting it lightly. If he wasn’t giving any indication that the kiss was a thing, why should you? It would be easier to just pretend it never happened, and never remind him of it.
“Same dude,” Dave replied. You couldn’t help but feel your stomach sink and confirm what you already knew. Your heart shattered into a million pieces. This was it. This was over. You kissed Dave and whatever was happening between you two was over before it even began. Your life was a fucking joke.
“Well, I’m heading off to bed. My head is fucking pounding and I need sleep.” You waved to your roommates, refusing to make eye contact with Dave. Kanaya looked like she had more to say to you, but you didn’t care. It was time for you to mourn. Whatever shit she had to give you about the situation could wait until tomorrow.
*
At the start of the semester, the tabling events were always a Big Deal. You hadn’t attended your first year, kind of intimidated by the thought of walking from table to table alone. And, last year you helped with the tabling events a little bit, mainly with setting up because you didn’t have any true interest in persuading people to join your clubs. This year, though, you had to actually work the event. And, for not one, but for three different clubs (paranormal club (thanks Aradia!), environmental science club (thanks Jade!), and crochet club (thanks Nepeta!)). You spent the most time at the paranormal club table. Now that Aradia was on the eboard for the club, she had to be present for most of the club events and you had a hard time saying no to her. It was bearable though, because you could sit and commiserate with Sollux, who had also been roped into participating, not because he was a sucker like you but because he was dating Aradia.
It was the second day of the tabling event, and you had about an hour to kill before your 20th Century Fiction course. You sat with Sollux, intermittently complaining about the August heat, the people who were coming up to your table, and each other, while handing out the cookies Aradia had baked that were pumpkin flavored and shaped like ghosts. They were pretty fucking delicious, and so everyone was more interested in the cookies rather than the club itself.
“I bet half of these people aren’t even going to join,” Sollux grumbled while a group of girls walked away. “I mean, it’s a fine club and AA said that the eboard has some cool events planned for this year. But it’s not like fucking paranormal club is some exclusive frat or anything. No one is dying to get in.”
“You would think the fact that we don’t do hazing and will accept literally anyone would be a plus for us,” you replied, looking over the list of new club members, trying to see if you recognized any of the names.
“Maybe it’s that we’re not exclusive enough,” Sollux suggested. “Maybe we have to start hazing. Lock people in rooms with ghosts or make them use ouija boards or some shit like that. That’ll get the people talking.”
“Oh golly! I sure hope that doesn’t become a requirement for this club,” a voice with a British accent said. You and Sollux looked up to see some dude standing at your table, grabbing one of the cookies and reading your sign. “Paranormal club? That’s gotta be quite the riot,” he continued on. You wondered if he actually spoke like that, or if it was part of a bit, because he sounded like an incredibly stereotypical British person.
“Uh yeah,” you said finally, scrambling with how to respond to this guy. “It’s fun! We have club meetings about different paranormal topics and go ghost hunting and have movie nights sometimes.”
“It’s seven o’clock on Wednesdays, if you’re interested,” Sollux added, grabbing the clipboard from your hands. You almost protested, but figured it wasn’t worth the argument in front of a stranger. “You just have to write down your name and email and we can put you on the emailing list. My girlfriend writes the emails.”
“Oh bollocks,” the guy said, sounding fairly disappointed. “I have class at that time this semester. Can I still sign up?” he asked.
“Oh yeah. Of course,” you said, looking around frantically for a pen. “Ah, here you go.” The guy wrote down his name and waved to you guys as he left. You were happy he didn’t overstay his welcome, because he seemed like he would be the type of guy who wouldn’t know when to quit.
“We specifically chose seven pm instead of six this year so that more people could make it,” you said sourly, looking again at the emailing list sign up sheet. Sure, a lot of people put their names down, but as you had experienced last year, club attendance was always high at the beginning of the semester and significantly dwindled with time. You assumed that this guy, Jake English, would not be any different.
“That dude was totally looking you up and down, KK,” Sollux said with a laugh. You whipped your head around to look at him. You felt your anger flair up.
“What?! Stop bullshitting me, Sollux. How many times do I have to tell you that you’re not fucking funny,” you said, rolling your eyes. “He was here for all of thirty seconds.”
“Yeah, and for all thirty of those seconds he was checking you out like the only reason he wants to join paranormal club is to flirt and fu-”
“Shut the hell up,” you said, rolling your eyes and lightly shoving Sollux. “I don’t even want to imagine what the fuck you were going to say to finish that sentence. You’re disgusting.”
“Live in denial all you want, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you see that guy around, even outside of club events. And would it be the worst? He wasn’t terrible looking,” Sollux said. “And, he seemed normal enough. Plus, he’s got an accent. People that are normal, unlike you, usually dig that shit.”
“Yes, it would be tragic if he was ‘checking me out’,” you asserted, air quotes and all. “This Jake guy can’t be all that good if he’s into me. There’s got to be something wrong with him.” You felt yourself flush red thinking about dating Jake.
You weren’t super interested in dating, because you were busy, okay! Not for any other reason. Obviously. It had nothing to do with the situation with Dave, and why would you even assume that! “If you put as much effort into harassing me as you did into recruiting people for this club, we’d have a million new members, so shut up. Fuck, I can’t wait to be done with this shift. It’s fucking hot out here.” You changed the subject, wanting to talk about anything else besides your love life.
You resolutely decided to stop thinking about Dave and Jake and instead focus your efforts on what you had to do when you got home later. Your planner was already practically booked, and you were not looking forward to this semester. You definitely didn’t need any unnecessary boy drama. You were above that (mostly).
*
Towards the beginning of October, you found yourself alone in the apartment for almost a whole weekend with Dave. It was parents weekend, a weekend that passed just as every other weekend did for you. Of the three years you’d been at the school, you didn’t invite your family once to visit. You tried to keep contact with your older brother as brief and sparse as possible, and your dad was a busy man. Even if you did tell him about parents weekend and all of the events, you were sure he’d not be able to make it. Or worse, he would try his best to make it and embarrass the shit out of you. Both outcomes were equally as likely.
Parents weekend, in your opinion, was just a way to make the school extra money, and it didn’t mean jack shit in actuality. It was another ploy by colleges and universities to wrangle as much money as possible. Why make a big deal about nothing? It was just a random weekend that was given an arbitrary meaning.
Not everyone else felt the same way though. Most of your friend’s families came to visit. Like, Kanaya and Rose's families, which meant that the two of them were out for the weekend, trapped participating in awkward meet-the-parents meals and events. And Terezi’s family, who also visited her. And as such, you and Dave were left alone. In the apartment. Together. Shit.
Things weren’t nearly as tense between you and Dave as they had been at the end of the spring semester after the party where you almost kissed. Since you were the only one who knew that Dave and you had kissed, it was easy to pretend that everything was normal. It broke your heart every time you saw him, and you found yourself staring at his lips more and more often. He really was such a good kisser (fuck him). But, you ran on pretty opposite schedules without even trying. Your time with him was limited, and that made it easy to act like everything was normal and like your lives weren’t drastically different.
Except for now, when it was the middle of the weekend, and the entire campus was occupied by parents weekend events, and you were bored out of your mind. Professors went light on the homework because of the events, and your job was closed. Midterms weren’t for another few weeks and you had already caught up on your homework. Really, the only thing to do was hang out with Dave, which was something that shouldn’t have been as nerve wracking as it was.
You entertained the idea of doing something, anything, to get out of the apartment. But, as panic inducing as seeing Dave was, you missed him. Beyond having a crush on him, he was your good friend and obviously you wanted to spend some time with him. You liked hanging out with Dave, no matter how annoying he was and how frustrating your current situation was. So, after you got up and ready for the day, you set up camp on Saturday in the living room, ready for Dave to make an appearance, whenever he decided to roll out of bed.
He eventually left his room around noon. If he looked surprised to see you, he didn’t let it on. Dave was always hard to read, so you weren’t really sure what he was thinking when he saw you, clearly waiting for him to wake up. “What’s up? Where is everyone? It’s Saturday, right? You usually have work.”
“Parents weekend,” you responded. Dave, sunglasses less, raised his eyebrows, clearly shocked, or at the very least, acting like he was. You didn’t know much about Dave’s home situation. He and Rose were cousins, and he talked about spending breaks and holidays at her house. But, he never really talked about his immediate family. You wondered once or twice if Dave was maybe adopted by Rose’s mom, but you got the sense that that wasn’t the case, especially since he didn’t appear to have any plans to see her this weekend. You didn’t ask because as fucking nosy as you were, you also understood privacy and figured Dave wouldn’t appreciate you butting into his personal details. He would tell you about it if he wanted to.
Dave made a bowl of cereal and joined you on the couch, where you were watching some bullshit reruns of the food network while you waited for him to get up. The two of you sat in silence for a few moments, making you feel incredibly awkward and annoyed at yourself for letting things get weird between you and Dave. Curse your busy schedule and your attempts to avoid him. You should have tried harder to make things work between you two or, at the very least, truly avoid him rather than doing such a half assed job of it. Suddenly then, Dave started talking, and it was like the floodgates opened.
You spent most of the afternoon sitting with Dave on the couch, critiquing Bobby Flay and yelling at the TV like the two of you probably weren’t going to be relying on a family size bag of spicy sweet chili doritos for your dinner. It was nice, easy. You and Dave, despite all your differences and the ways you got on each other’s nerves, were incredibly similar, and bounced well off of each other. It made your insides twist, just a little, especially when knowing that all you and Dave would ever be was friends. If he just gave you a chance, maybe you two would be good together as more.
Once the TV show marathon was over and a new show with some woman you had never even heard of before came on, Dave stood up and stretched. You felt your heart sink a little. It had been a really fucking good afternoon, but of course it wasn’t going to last. You felt annoyed at yourself for having enjoyed it so much and for being so disappointed that Dave was leaving you for other plans.
Instead of him turning to you and giving you some half assed excuse for something else he had to do, he stretched and turned to you, saying, “You wanna do something? Like watch a movie or play a game or whatever?”
“Sounds good to me,” you responded, surprised but knowing better than to question it. “My vote is a movie. And I get to pick first. I don’t trust your judgment.”
“You got it,” Dave said. “You picked watching a movie though, so I vote that we order dinner.” You agreed, knowing that having chips or various other snacks for dinner was probably not the best idea if you wanted to make sure you didn’t feel like shit in the morning. Dave pulled up the website to order Chinese food while you picked a movie. The two of you fell into companionable silence while you got ready for your crazy night in.
After the first movie ended, you expected you would part ways, but then you watched another (this time, one of Dave’s choosing). It was pretty awful, and when you went to tell him that half way through the movie, you noticed that he had fallen asleep. His head was tilted back against the touch and his head was slowly sliding down over into your space. You had to remind yourself to breathe as his head continued to slide down on top of your shoulder.
You hated how much your heart seized when you felt Dave pressed against you. It was humiliating how much you liked Dave. You wished that he would like you back because this was one of the best days you had had in a long time. You cared about Dave immensely, as much as you didn’t like to think about it. You sighed and tried to get comfortable, knowing that you were going to be on the couch with Dave like that for an undetermined amount of time. You didn’t mind that he was using you as a pillow, and let yourself relax into the sofa. The movie he picked really was shit, so it was easy to also fall asleep. You did so quickly and easily, wishing that this moment didn’t have to end.
The two of you only jumped apart when the lights turned on. You opened your eyes to see Rose and Kanaya entering the apartment. “Oh,” Rose said, a smirk on her face. “I hope we weren’t interrupting anything.”
“Just a Chinese food induced coma,” Dave replied, stretching. “You always think that there’s never anything such as too many crab rangoons, and yet there actually is. Who knew.”
“What did you two get up to?” Kanaya asked, looking around the apartment.
“Basically nothing productive,” you replied, standing up. You began cleaning up the mess the two of you had left on the coffee table. You pointedly did not think about how long you and Dave were potentially asleep and cuddled up for, as well as didn’t think about what you two looked like when Rose and Kanaya walked in.
“Seems like it,” Rose replied. “Anyways. We are off to bed. Good night boys,” Rose said. Kayana waved in your direction and left you and Dave to clean up.
“Did you like it?” Dave asked. You whipped your head around to him, not quite sure what he was referring to. Did he mean the day or the cuddling or the- “The movie,” Dave added on, clearly sensing your confusion.
“It was fucking unwatchable and exactly what I expected from your taste,” you replied, grabbing the bag of trash and throwing it in the garbage. “I hated every second of that trash you call a movie.”
“Ah. So I met your expectations then,” Dave said. “Sweet. I’ll take that. We should do this more often. If you can stomach my inferior taste.”
“Maybe,” you replied, even though you knew you were going to take him up on the offer. “Good night Dave. I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said, waving to him and going to your room before you could say something stupid, like how you were kind of in love with him. You embarrassed yourself enough for one day. You had to maintain some sense of dignity.
*
“These costumes are ridiculous,” you said, glaring at yourself in the mirror a few weeks later. “I mean, come on. We are dressed as Ash Ketchum and Pikachu. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Hey, dude. It’s your own fault,” Dave pointed out. “Last year, your costume was basically your street clothes with some blood splattered on you. And until last week when you came whining to me, you didn’t have any costume at all. If I were you, I’d be thanking me for my completely awesome idea.”
“It sounded good in practice,” you said, blaming yourself for complaining last week that you didn’t have a costume and were running out of time. Dave offering for you to do a totally platonic pair (not couples!!) costume sounded like a solid idea at the time, especially when you thought about matching costumes with Dave. The idea made you kind of excited. Now though, you remembered why you didn’t like dressing up. “I look fucking dumb. I should just take this off-”
“Oh no you don’t,” Dave said, putting a hand on top of your head to keep you from taking off your hat. “No way, dude. It’s just sad to go as a lone Pokémon without a trainer. I need you. Besides, you look great! It’s literally just a hat and jacket. You couldn’t even be persuaded to put on the fingerless gloves!”
“You’re just saying that. Stop being a kiss ass,” you replied, crossing your arms, feeling a little anxious, both about your costume and the fact that it was a party. You and Dave’s track record with parties was… not great as of late. Between misunderstandings and drunkenly kissing each other and the uncomfortable aftermath, you didn’t have high hopes for the night.
You just hoped you’d make it out of the party in one piece and that you would kiss exactly zero people and that you’d have nothing to worry about. It should have been simple and yet nothing proved to be very simple in college.
The night started off relatively strong after the costume fiasco. You let Dave talk you into keeping it on, of course, because you were fucking easy and so goddamn whipped for a guy you weren’t even dating. The party was, again, at your guy’s apartment, so before the guests arrived, you tasked everyone who was unfortunate enough to be in your general vicinity to help with setting up. By the time guests actually arrived, everything had been ready for over half an hour, you were anxious, and just ready for the party to start.
It was a good turn out at the party, as usual, and soon you calmed down. Mostly because everyone seemed to be having fun, but also partly because you were drinking. You planned to keep the alcohol to a minimum, because you were getting too old for hangovers (fuck, you’re only twenty years old Vantas, you’re not ancient you thought) and because you were doing everything in your power to avoid drama and making things extra awkward with Dave. The best way to do that was to avoid drinking- right?
Things were going well, that is, until Jake English showed up. You had forgotten about the guy until Rose went up to you and said, “This is going to sound strange. There’s some British man at the door. He said that he’s part of the paranormal club, but I have never seen him before.” You sighed and got ready to tell him to fuck off, assuming it was someone you didn’t know, when you looked at the image from the front door camera and realized it was Jake. You knew that he was on the mailing list, so he must have kept up with the club through emails and that was how he knew about the party. You sighed, already feeling a headache brewing.
You let him in (mistake number one) and, somehow, every few minutes or, so he was back by your side, despite your best efforts to shake him, which clearly weren’t good enough (mistake number two). It was kind of hard to keep everyone happy, to mingle and chat with your friends, when some guy you had spoken to for maybe ten minutes in total was your shadow for the night.
Which, it would have been endearing. Or at least it shouldn’t have been, if Jake wasn’t so persistent and annoying. You wanted to just make it through the night without any problems and without losing your shit on another person. . “I’m going to step out for some air,” you said in the middle of Jake telling you about some vacation he went on over the summer. He gave you a thumbs up and turned back to talk to Aradia, who was all for hearing about all his adventures where he ziplined and ran away from wild animals. You were just grateful that she was there and so he didn’t feel the need to follow you out. You owed her big time.
You went out your front door and breathed a sigh of relief. The cold air was nice, and you felt less anxious, less trapped when not surrounded by people and the loud music. You stayed out there for a few minutes, enjoying the relatively quiet night. The silence was broken every so often by sounds of music from the surrounding parties, the occasional car, and the few stragglers who were either in transit between parties or late comers. It was nice. Peaceful.
Feeling calmer than you had all day, you felt about ready to go inside and finish out this fucking party when you heard someone say, “So, great party, right?”
You turned and saw that Dave had followed you out. You felt a little nervous, mostly because you didn’t know that he was out there with you, and a little bit because of what had happened a few months ago. It kept replaying over and over in your mind, no matter how hard you tried to stop the loop. You tried to calm your nerves. You were pretty sober and definitely not close to kissing Dave again, so you should be safe. “It’s an okay party. I mean I’m fucking exhausted and everyone is being kind of annoying, but if people are having fun that’s what counts.”
“Yeah,” Dave replied, in an uncharacteristically quiet moment. He seemed like he wanted to say more, which was a common theme when speaking with Dave. For a guy who talked almost nonstop, Dave often talked very little about the things he really wanted to say. You figured you’d gotten pretty okay at figuring out when he was beating around the bush, and when he was saying what he was thinking. This was clearly another situation of him not saying what he wanted to say. And you were dying to know what he was thinking.
You wondered what happened, because, come to think of it, you hadn’t seen Dave all night. Your apartment wasn’t huge so it was weird to not cross paths with him once or twice. But, you also didn’t know what he was getting up to so it was possible. You were about to suggest going back inside, not ready to do the detective work needed to determine the cause of why Dave was acting a little weird, when Dave continued talking. “Lots of new people in the paranormal club. Tons of people I never met before here tonight.”
You frowned. “Really? I didn’t think that we had that many new people. There’s some, I guess. Not nearly enough to give this club longevity.”
“There totally is a bunch of new people,” Dave confirmed. “Like that one guy that’s with you. With the dark hair and glasses. I never saw him before, not even on campus anywhere. He’s new.” You stared at Dave for a second. Clearly, he wanted to say something about Jake. Why else would he bring him up?
You felt your stomach lurch. Oh shit. Of course you knew why Dave was asking about Jake. Obviously, Dave was asking about Jake because he thought Jake was hot. Jake wasn’t your type, but you could absolutely see it. You weren’t an idiot. Fuck. Dave was attracted to Jake. That was par for the course in your crappy life and it made total sense. You just were pissed at yourself for not realizing it sooner and for feeling so disappointed by it.
You sighed and decided that you should attempt to take the high road, even if it killed you. Maybe it would be actually good for you and helpful in your attempts to get over Dave. Maybe this was the push you needed.
“Yeah. That’s Jake English. He’s… fine. If you can get his head out of his own ass for more than ten seconds at a time to hold a decent conversation with him.” You held back what you really thought, which was that Jake was a self-absorbed douchebag with a good head of hair and grating voice, but you were making an effort for Dave’s sake (no matter how shitty your effort was).
You couldn’t imagine, the more you thought about it, Dave putting up with Jake after he spoke to him for even a minute. So, you didn’t feel too worried about Dave’s crush on this guy lasting long. It mostly just stung because of how much you didn’t look like Jake and how much you weren’t like him. If that was the type of guy Dave really wanted, it made it more and more apparent that you weren’t even on Dave’s radar. You continued to feel silly that you ever even entertained the thought that Dave could be into you. Stupid.
Dave chuckled at what you said. “Wow, Karkat. It really doesn’t seem like that’s how you actually feel about the guy.”
“What do you mean?” you asked, suddenly feeling defensive and unsure of what Dave was getting at.
“I mean, it doesn’t look like you think he’s ‘just fine’ or whatever,” Dave said. “It comes across that you really are into him or something. I mean, that’s just how it seems from an outside perspective. It’s actually pretty obvious.” You stared at Dave for a second. You knew what he was getting at, but you couldn’t quite believe it. Did Dave sustain a head injury or something? Was he seriously suggesting that you were into Jake? WHAT?
“Uh, I’m sorry. I hear you, but you’re speaking bullshit. Are you insinuating that I have a crush on Jake or something?” you asked, feeling quite fucking shocked by this turn of events.
“I mean, don’t you? If the shoe fits, wear it. Jesus, what do I care?” Dave answered in a voice that sounded very much like he cared about the situation. Which was equal parts weird and confusing and frustrating and infuriating.
“I don’t know, Dave. Why does it sound like you do in fact care and you’re trying to fight me about this? I don’t like your shitty attitude,” you replied, crossing your arms.
“I’m not trying to fight you, man. Stop acting like I am. I’m just stating facts and you’re the one who’s getting all up in arms over it,” Dave responded, clearly deflecting. “You can do whatever you want. Go make out with Jake English for all I care. It’s none of my goddamn business. You’ve made that much clear.”
“Dave,” you said after you took a breath. “What the fuck is going on?” You were growing more and more enraged by the second. The fact that Dave thought you liked Jake was ridiculous enough, but now he was acting like a fucking child about it? It didn’t make any sense. Why was he getting mad about Jake hanging all over you?
Dave laughed humorlessly and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, Karkat. Just leave me alone.”
“You’re the one who followed me out here, jackass!” you exclaimed, feeling more and more exasperated. “Stop being so fucking weird! I don’t understand what is happening and your passive aggressive commentary is pissing me off. Is it that you like Jake or something? You can have him! I have no interest in the doofus and he won’t leave me alone. If you can take him off my hands I’d be actually really fucking grateful.”
“Sure,” Dave replied. If you could see his eyes, you were sure he’d be rolling them. It pissed you off. “Alright. Let’s lay all our cards on the table, okay? You can date Jake, as much as you’re protesting that you don’t like him. It’s clear that you do, and you’re just embarrassed about it, and that’s fine. I’m cool with it-”
“I don’t like him! Are you fucking hearing me, Strider? And, what do you mean you’re cool with it? Since when do you have a say in my love life? God, you’re so fucking infuriating!” you responded. It didn’t fucking compute. The only reason Dave would feel weird about you dating Jake was if he was jealous, which obviously wasn’t the case. So what was his deal? Why was he going after you like this?
“Okay, fine. If that’s the game you wanna play, I’m down. I can spell it out for you. I figured that I got a say in your love life since you kissed me at that party over the summer,” Dave said. You felt your blood run cold.
“What?” you asked, feeling your world come screeching to a halt.
“Yeah. You kissed me. And you don’t even remember it because it didn’t matter to you or whatever. And that shit stung, but I have made peace with it. It was a one time thing and I can live with that. But dude, it sucks, especially now that you’re macking on this guy. And I’m pissed at you. No biggie,” Dave said with a shrug, like he didn’t give a crap about what was happening between the two of you. Even though that clearly wasn’t the case because he was fighting with you about this like a child.
And because you couldn’t leave shit alone, and you were panicked and scared and surprised, you fought back. Even though you were most definitely going to regret it. “What are you fucking talking about? You didn’t remember it! I remembered the kiss, and you were the one who did not!” you exclaimed. “You acted like nothing ever happened!”
“Because you said you didn’t remember it!” Dave responded. “I went along with you to not make shit weird. Cause let’s face it dude. Let’s say that you get kissed by a guy when he’s drunk, and he says he doesn’t remember it. Would you try to get him to remember the kiss? Of course not. That’s fucking weird, even for me.”
“Okay,” you said, feeling increasingly angry about the situation, just when you thought you couldn’t get more upset about it. “But I never said I didn’t remember it. You did! You said you didn’t remember the night and so I agreed.”
“Karkat, you’re a goddamn liar.” Your jaw dropped. He did not just fucking say that. Was he delusional???? “Bro, maybe you don’t realize it but you’re literally gaslighting me right now. Ask anyone who was in the room with us. They’ll tell you.”
“Oh no, Strider! You’re the one gaslighting me,” you replied, yelling far too loud. You didn’t give a shit who heard you though. “Don’t fucking turn this on me! I never said I didn’t remember the kissing. I went with you because you said you were drunk and didn’t remember shit. I didn’t want to creep you out! I didn’t want to be your weird roommate who kissed you while we were both drunk so I didn’t bring it up. You should be thanking me for not making this shit weird.”
Dave looked at you like he wanted to say or do more, but instead he just shook his head. “I’m outta here. This shit is dumb and you’re too stubborn to see that you’re wrong,” Dave replied and turned away from you. He began walking down the block, clearly ready to ignore you. But you weren’t finished.
“At least we agree on something,” you called after his retreating form. He didn’t respond, which pissed you off even more. You wanted to fight with him, and he wasn’t biting. “Fucking jerk,” you mumbled to yourself.
You heard one of the windows to your building open. Gamzee popped his head out of the window. “Are you all good down there?” he called down to you. “I heard some yelling.”
You threw your hands up in the air and groaned. “Fuck off, dude. I’m not in the mood,” you yelled back to him. He gave you a thumbs up and went back inside his apartment, shutting the window. You were left alone on the street, feeling pissed off, confused, and ready for bed. Truly and completely, fuck Jake English, fuck college, and fuck Dave Strider.
And while you were at it, fuck, you hated parties. You couldn’t wait for everyone to go home so you could mope in bed for the next month.
*
You tried your best to be out of the apartment at every possible opportunity since the Halloween party. It was hard considering you lived there, but you kept yourself busy. You spent all of the time that you could spend in classes or at the library or at work. And if you weren’t there, you were holed up in your room. It worked out well because the roommates who you actually wanted to talk to would come to your door and catch up or invite you places. You didn’t need to socialize in the living room or kitchen.
The roommate who you clearly didn’t want to talk to avoided you like the plague. And it sucked, because as much as you kind of missed him, you weren’t about to be the one to bend and apologize. You had done nothing (seriously) wrong. You and Dave weren’t dating and never were, so it was fine for Jake to be hanging all over you, especially since you weren’t reciprocating it. And, sure, you didn’t tell Dave about the kiss, but he didn’t tell you about it either! That made him just as bad as you.
You thought about the fight at the Halloween party in the following days, and had come to the conclusion that if it went differently, if Dave had said he was jealous outright or asked about the kiss or showed any kind of remorse or emotions outside of being a petulant douchebag, you would have been more open to apologizing and talking it out. Hell, maybe you guys would have dated or whatever. But, he wanted to be jealous but didn’t want to be with you or ask you out and just wanted to blame the whole kiss fiasco on you. And sure, you had piss poor standards, but even your low opinion of yourself was worth more than that bullshit.
“You’re being immature,” Kanaya said harshly when you spewed out all of that to her over lunch one day while you angrily stabbed at your broccoli.
You sputtered. “He’s the immature one, not me! I don’t know what his fucking problem is. We kissed and he didn’t say anything about it and he pretended to not remember it, but he’s angry that I didn’t bring it up? He clearly doesn’t want to date me, but he’s angry or jealous whenever anyone else hits on me? It’s bullshit! He doesn’t own me.”
“Of course he does not own you, Karkat. But you were the one who said that you didn’t remember it, so he didn’t pursue it,” Kanaya replied, which made you groan. Why were you the only sane one who remembered the conversation correctly! Dave was the first one to say that he didn’t remember the party, and so you agreed with him to keep the peace! Why was everyone pinning this on you? This wasn’t your fault!
“Besides, maybe Dave does want to date you, which is why he felt upset by Jake,” Kanaya said, reminding you of the whole reason you and Dave fought in the first place. Jake fucking English. “Now that you both know the truth, shouldn’t that help things? If you two both have feelings for each other, can’t you two just forget this whole fight and move on?”
You shook your head vehemently. “No way. Not until he apologizes and admits that he’s the one who started this shit with the not remembering thing. And, I won’t believe he wants to date me until he says it. He knows that I have felt some kind of feelings towards him since I kissed him, and he hasn’t tried to date me, so clearly he doesn’t like me. He just likes to piss me off and use me or whatever,” you said, feeling more annoyed at Kanaya than you wanted to feel. Fuck this shit. You quickly finished your food and excused yourself, not in the mood to talk about this anymore.
The fight with Dave made your apartment an awkward place to be, no matter how much you tried your best to ignore Dave, and keep things good with the rest of your roommates. It was clear everyone now knew about the situation, because you told Kanaya and Dave probably told Rose and the two of them were in cahoots and of course fucking Terezi knew everyone’s business all of the time. And so, you found yourself getting more and more desperate for ways to avoid the problem. You couldn’t talk to anyone without them bringing up Dave as more and more time went on, so you got creative when it came to solutions and places to hide out in.
You didn’t like Jake’s taste in movies one bit. And, frankly, Jake himself was just fine in your opinion, especially since he was the root of many of your problems and an annoying part of your life now. But when he sent you a text, inviting you to go over to his apartment and watch movies, the offer was tempting because it would get you out of the apartment, and you were bored as shit. You agreed and immediately got dressed, shocked at yourself for taking extra care to put on a nicer shirt and reapply deodorant. You didn’t really care what Jake thought about you, but he was objectively attractive. So that combined with the fact that he kind of made Dave jealous, you felt the need to put a little extra effort in.
You walked out of your room and low and behold, Dave was sitting there on the couch. He nodded in your direction when you two made eye contact and you gave him a small wave back. Uninterested in conversation, you made a beeline for the kitchen and refilled your water bottle as quickly as possible. You figured you were in the clear, and you were almost out the fucking door when Dave spoke.
“So, where are you headed?” Dave asked without so much as a hello.
You figured none of your business were fighting words, and you weren’t interested in starting an argument just at that moment so you sighed and answered, “Going to Jake’s. He invited me to watch movies.”
“Just watch movies?” Dave questioned, “because last time I checked Karkat, that was an innuendo for more and-”
“Jesus! Fuck, Dave! Get your head out of the gutter and your ass! Jake invited me to watch Avatar and that’s all I plan on doing. You’re not my dad, you’re not my boyfriend. Stop trying to police what I do,” you complained, finding your emotions turning from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds. Something about Dave brought out all of the anger you were bottling up, and maybe you were exploding on him (potentially unfairly), but you couldn’t help it.
Dave laughed, which made you that much more irate. “Avatar? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Karkat. No one actually likes and watches that shit. It’s like the most boring movie in existence. People watch it to say they saw it but no one knows anything about the plot! It sucks and people only put it on because it’s good background noise for getting laid.”
“Well Jake actually does like it!” you exclaimed. “And what Jake does with me is not your concern, Strider.” And with that you walked out of the apartment, not wanting to wait around for Dave’s bull shit response. You had had enough for his crap to last you a lifetime.
You remembered exactly none of the movie and spent most of the time sulking, ignoring Jake’s grating commentary, and cursing Dave Strider. He could ruin anything.
*
Finals always seem to come with a vengeance. You were never prepared for them, even when you knew that they were creeping up on you. No matter what you did, you were always scrambling at the last minute. And, this semester was no different.
It didn’t help that there seemed to be a tradition at this point in whichyou and Dave weren’t on speaking terms by the time finals rolled around. Two semesters in a row had to be a trend, right? You didn’t like it, but you also weren’t really willing to bend and apologize. You had gone a month and a few weeks without being friendly with Dave, and you weren’t about to give up now.
With two days left of the semester, you still had two finals and a paper to finish and you were fucking feeling the effects of it. You hadn’t been outside of the library in what felt like days and so you decided you needed to leave and get some fresh air before you lost your mind completely. You walked for a bit around campus, the cold wind feeling nice, before you passed the convenience store on campus. You eyed it for a second before deciding that you should grab a drink and snack. You deserved it with everything that was currently going on.
You walked over to the drink section and were thrilled to see one Monster energy drink left. You quickened your pace, not quite believing your luck. You were sure they were wiped out from finals, and you were going to get the last one! This type of stuff never happened to you!
You made it to the case and reached for the can, only for someone else to come from the side of you and grab it at the last second. “Sorry dude but if I don’t have this, I think my brain is actually going to- oh, shit. Karkat,” the person said as you turned to see who the energy drink thief was. You had opened your mouth to give them an ear full, but froze when you saw it was fucking Dave. Of course.
Then, your anger flared up again, because fuck this guy! Was he kidding you???? He had to ruin everything, including your once-in-a-lifetime incredible luck. Shouldn’t you be able to get this at the very least??
“Dave, fucking give me the Monster,” you said, holding your hand out. “I have a million things left to do and I need this infinitely more than you do.”
“No way. I grabbed it first,” Dave replied, cradling the can of Monster close to him, like you were seconds away from taking it from his grasp. Honestly, you were about to. Normally, you’d have some more reservations about making a scene over a fucking drink in broad daylight, but your brain felt like it was a sponge being wrung out. You weren’t exactly thinking and the idea of Dave getting the last drink made you the angriest you had ever been.
You knew, secretly, that this wasn’t actually about the drink, but about the greater problem between you and Dave at hand. But you weren’t going to say that. It was easier to say that you were pissed at Dave because he took the last energy drink, rather than admit that he broke your heart. So, you were prepared to fight to the death over a drink.
You opened your mouth to argue back when Dave turned and began walking briskly towards the cashier. “Oh no you don’t!” you exclaimed, following hot on his heels. The person working at the register couldn’t care less that you were begging them to not sell Dave the drink. They clearly didn’t get paid enough and, truthfully, they were probably also a student in the middle of finals season. You felt marginally bad at the fact that you were probably making their day worse, but you would apologize later. Or maybe you would just avoid the store completely after this debacle. That would maybe be easier and less embarrassing.
After Dave paid for the drink you followed him outside, refusing to let up. “I’m still talking to you, Strider!” you said, nearly jogging to keep up with his long legs and fast pace. You didn’t care that you were making a scene. You didn’t care who was watching or how immature you were being. You wanted that fucking drink.
“And I’m ignoring you!” he responded, which clearly meant he wasn’t ignoring you. You felt vindicated, despite the fact that you were slowly losing steam and air in your lungs. You grabbed his backpack when you finally caught up close enough to him, causing him to stop short. He tripped backward into you, knocking you and him both down to the ground in one loud thud. He laid on top of you for a few seconds, before rolling over. “Holy shit. Did I kill you, Karkat?” Dave said, shaking your arm.
“You’ll have to try harder if you want me dead, asshole,” you said after taking a few moments to gather your breath. The two of you stared at each other for a second, before bursting out into uncontrollable laughter. It was hard not to, because you knew that on the outside, the two of you looked fucking ridiculous. The embarrassment was finally catching up to you and God, it felt awful. “We are such children,” you said when you finally stopped laughing enough to speak.
“Here,” Dave said, holding out the can, clearly as a peace offering. He reached up and wiped at his eyes under his shades. “You can have it as reparation for the damages I did to you with my ass when I fell on you.”
“Keep it,” you said, finally feeling okay enough to sit up. You had fully regained your ability to breathe and overall felt better than you had in weeks. “It rots your insides anyways.”
“Wow, and you’re gonna let me drink it? Do you even care about me?” Dave asked with mock hurt in his voice.
You felt yourself frown, getting far too soft feeling for a situation where Dave was clearly joking around with you. God, your sleep deprivation was seriously getting to you. That must have been it. “You know I do, Dave,” you responded. Dave looked away, seemingly uncomfortable with the serious tone you had adopted. You understood it. You’d barely talked to him the past month and a half, and everytime you did, the two of you ended up arguing. It was a huge, unprecedented shift but underneath it all, you still liked Dave as more than a friend.
You sighed, tired of this fight. “I’m sorry,” you said finally, as much as it killed you. You just didn’t have the energy to be pissed at him anymore. “I… ugh. I know that shit’s been weird between us, and I am probably mostly the one at fault. I should have said something to you about the party. I shouldn’t have acted like I didn’t remember us kissing. It was shitty of me. I was just nervous I guess. I assumed you didn’t remember it since you didn’t act like it, and I didn’t want fuck everything up,” you explained. “I didn’t want to freak you out, or make something out of what was nothing to you.”
“No. I’m sorry, dude. I should have said something too. I shouldn’t have gone along with it and lied. And the thing with Jake… that was unfair,” Dave conceded. “You can date whoever you want. We kissed a bit at one party months ago and I never got the courage to pursue it because you’re so… you, ya know? You’re Karkat. You’re pretty fucking great and it would be ridiculous to think that you’d ever wanna date me.” You stared at Dave, not quite comprehending what he was saying.
“That’s the biggest load of horseshit I’ve ever heard,” you said, not unkindly. “I mean, come on, Dave. I feel that same way about you. Which is why I never asked about the party. It was easier to hope that you truly didn’t remember it at all, rather than entertain the thought that you were lying about not remembering because you regretted it. That would be fucking embarrassing and I don’t think I’d ever recover. I was scared.”
Dave replied under his breath with something that sounded strangely like, “I didn’t regret anything.” You didn’t press it, because you didn’t want to be disappointed if you asked what he said and had misheard him. The two of you sat in silence for a bit before Dave spoke again. “Listen. If you don’t hate my guts and if we didn’t fuck up whatever it was that we had, which I guess was pretty much nothing besides kissing at that party, can we try to get things back to the way they were? I miss you dude.”
You stared at Dave for a few seconds. On one hand, you were still mad at Dave. You felt frustrated that he never brought up the kiss, and angry that he gave you such a hard time about Jake. You still felt like Dave had no right to be jealous if he wasn’t going to man up and do something about it. Who was he to be jealous if you weren’t even dating? It wasn’t fair to you and it was shitty.
But… maybe he will ask you out when this is all done. Maybe he does want to date you, a small part of your brain said. You immediately shut the thought down, not letting you get his hopes up. If anything, Dave probably just liked the attention you gave him. Which… yeah ouch that stung when you thought about it. But, from what you’d seen of him from the past two years you had known Dave, he wasn’t a bad person. Sure, he was a dick and annoying and a pain in the ass. But, he was also kind and nice and had shown time and time again that he cared about you on some level. He probably wasn’t going to do that, and instead just wanted to be friends with you. Which was more than you were now, so you should just be happy with what you could get.
You sighed, hoping that you wouldn’t regret this. “I miss you too,” you replied, pulling your knees to your chest and wrapping your arms around them. “A lot. I’m sorry. Let’s just forget this.”
“I’m sorry too,” Dave replied, holding out one of his fists. You bumped it and gave him a small smile. Fuck, you really missed him. I am so fucked, you thought, looking at Dave. But, you didn’t care. The alternative was not even being friends with Dave, and that would truly suck. You could compromise, even if it meant your crush on him would be back in full, undeniable force. “Let’s go back to our place, if you want. I have some papers I gotta finish writing, and it always makes it less unbearable when you have someone you complain about school with. I’ll even make you a coffee since I took the last Monster.”
“Sure,” you replied. Dave stood and offered you a hand. You grabbed it and he helped you stand up.
“Also, for the record, I never was the first one to say I didn’t remember the party. That was you, dude. But, I’ll stop pressing the issue if we can just go back to being cool with each other,” Dave commented, as you two began walking back to your apartment.
You rolled your eyes, but didn’t want to start arguing with Dave immediately after your truce. “Agree to disagree,” you said, even though you knew in your heart that you were right. Even if Dave and Kanaya and probably everyone else said that you were in the wrong on this one. They were the ones who were misremembering the situation. The two of you walked back to your apartment, chatting like nothing had ever been wrong. You knew that you still had a list a mile long of things to do before the semester was over, but you found yourself way more optimistic about it than you were just a bit ago.
*
You spent the week following your last final sleeping for hours on end and doing little else. It had been an exhausting semester, and you wanted nothing more than to spend as much time as you could in bed. It was what you deserved, your reward for surviving.
One morning, when you couldn’t stand your stomach rumbling and your own morning breath any longer, you reluctantly got up. Sitting in the living room was Dave. “Hey,” you said, waving a hand in his direction.
“I was beginning to think you went comatose you were sleeping for so long,” Dave said. You rolled your eyes and grabbed one of the cereal boxes in your cabinet.
“This semester kicked my ass. I’m just glad it’s over. A month of nothing but sleeping and eating is exactly what I need,” you replied, imagining it now. “It’s been a glorious week so far, and I don’t plan on adding anything to my agenda.”
“Well, then maybe I won’t ask you,” Dave said. You froze for a second midway to getting the milk.
“Ask me what?” you asked suspiciously. What was he on about? It scared you, whatever it is that he was referencing.
“I wanted to see if you wanted to get dinner and go to a movie tonight,” Dave said. “End of semester treat.” You stared at Dave for a second, before smiling at him. Shit, you were far too eager for this. You decided to play it cool.
“I guess I can make an exception,” you said, even though you were humiliatingly excited by the prospect. You knew that it was (probably) a super platonic, totally friendly outing. Maybe it was Dave’s peace offering following the arguing that you two had done over the past few weeks, a nice gesture between friends. Whatever it was, you were excited to just see Dave and you knew that you shouldn’t read too deep into it, if you didn’t want to be disappointed.
“Sweet. Take a look at the times for movies that are out right now and pick one. I can buy the tickets if you send me the info,” Dave offered. You nodded and ate your breakfast as quickly as possible. You were still in your pajamas and you needed to brush your teeth and shower and pick out an outfit and brush your hair and- Fuck, if only you had known this was happening today. You wouldn’t have laid in bed for so long. You would have gotten up at a decent time and made yourself presentable. Shit, shit, SHIT.
You somehow managed to get ready in record time, which was good because you had more than enough time to agonize over the not-date that you and Dave were going on. You texted Kanaya about it, because of fucking course she was already gone back home for winter break. Despite her advice to calm down, you couldn’t. You were nervous for no reason other than now that you and Dave were speaking again, your delusional ass was entertaining the possibility that Dave liked you in return. Your crush continued to be debilitating, but you were happy to just have Dave as a friend, and that was what you needed to be content with.
You reminded yourself that for the five hundredth time as you and Dave left the apartment, and found that it was not changing your feelings for Dave one bit.
The date started off incredibly smoothly. The movie was pretty solid, even with Dave’s incessant commentary, and Dave had even offered to splurge after the movie and let you two go to that one restaurant you really liked. It was shocking, only because it was a little more expensive than the Applebee’s right next to the movie theater and both of you were always content with shitty chain restaurant food. But, you felt bad, considering he paid for the movie tickets and was insisting on paying for dinner (shit, he must have truly felt really bad for your fight), so you insisted that you were fine with Applebee’s.’ And you were. You loved food that had been cooked from frozen in a microwave and half priced appetizers.
Everything was going well, until Dave started looking more and more nervous throughout the dinner. You tried to play it off like it was your imagination, because what could he possibly feel nervous about? It had to be nothing. The restaurant was pretty empty, the food was good. Everything was great.. But then, as you were finishing up eating. Dave cleared his throat and started talking.
“So, uh. A moment of embarrassing honesty is approaching,” Dave started saying. You stared at him as you shoved a chicken tender into your mouth, not really sure what he could be on about now. “How’d I do?”
“With?” you asked in the middle chewing of your tender, not totally sure what Dave was getting at.
“Don’t make me spell it out,” Dave replied, frowning. You looked at him for a few more seconds, before he sighed. “Fine. At the risk of sounding like some fifteen year old with a strict 10pm curfew whose mom had to drive him and his first girlfriend to the mall, was this a good first date? Did I do okay? Is it up to your standards? I tried man, but there’s only so much around here to do when you’re a college kid with a limited budget.”
And all at once, your brain caught up to what Dave said. WHAT?? “This is a date?” you asked incredulously, almost choking on your half chewed food in a moment of panic. “Wait, what?” You finished swallowing your chicken tender so as to not actually choke on it and ruin what was, apparently, a date.
Dave stared at you for a few moments. “Are you kidding me? Isn’t it obvious, Karkat?” Dave asked, looking more and more pained by the second. “I asked you out to dinner and took you to a movie. That’s a pretty standard first date from my point of view. I don’t know what dates you’ve been on that were more than that.”
“Yes but-” you stopped mid sentence, unsure of what you even wanted to say to Dave. “I don’t get it. I thought you didn’t like me like that,” is what you finally settled on, at a loss for anything else to say.
“Karkat. Isn’t it clear that I liked you for a real fucking long time now? Like over a year at this point, probably closer to two, if I’m being honest,” Dave responded. “We fought for almost two months because I was jealous that another dude was giving you attention and that it wasn’t me. I was fucking hurt because we kissed and I thought that we were kind of a thing and then there was Jake and the fight and-” Dave paused and shook his head. “Look, I thought it was obvious. I thought you were picking up what I was putting down and you were chill with it. Clearly not. God, I’m dumb. Just, let’s finish dinner and-”
You leaned across the table and planted a kiss to Dave’s lips to get him to stop freaking out, in a similar fashion to your first kiss, where you did it to stop him from talking. You pulled back after the brief kiss, still unsure if that was what Dave really wanted. Dave looked surprised. “Dave, stop talking.” You sighed, unsure of where to start. “I like you too. I want this to be a date, I just didn’t expect it.” You ran a hand through your hair and laughed. “Fuck, I thought for sure that nothing would ever happen. You’re not joking, right? Or doing this because of the fight? Or-”
“Dude, I asked you out. I wanted us to do a couple’s costume, which granted, it was a pretty shitty, could be interpreted as platonic costume. I goaded you into kissing me during the summer and then I kissed you multiple times after that and hell, remember that one party earlier this year that we went to together? The one during spring semester? Yeah, I almost kissed you then too,” Dave said. “Believe it or not, I want to date you and I’m tired of being a pussy about it.”
You looked at Dave, not quite believing what he said. A smile began forming across your face. “Shit. I can’t believe you actually like me,” you finally said when your brain truly caught up to what was happening, when you could actually process the fact that Dave actually liked you.
“What’s not to like?” Dave asked. You almost believed him because he looked so sincere. It felt… nice. Wow. Dave wanted to date you. OH MY GOD.
You two looked at each other and dissolved into giggles because you two were a mess and now also apparently on a date. “Shit, can we do that again?” Dave finally asked as your laughter subsided. You gave Dave a confused look. “The kissing thing,” he said, elaborating. “Just for science, if nothing else. I mean, how else can we expect to evaluate the differences between sober and drunk kissing? We need more evidence, more trials. How can we get this study peer reviewed if-”
“Holy shit, Dave. Shut up!” you exclaimed, before kissing him again. God, it felt fucking amazing.
Best semester of school ever.