Chapter Text
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days since we last saw herta: 6
3:49pm
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march is now online.
dan heng is now online.
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march: @everyone GUYS
march: GUYS GUYS GUYS GGGGUYYSS
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S1LV3RW0LF is now online.
asta!! is now online.
arlan is now online.
kafk a dni is now online.
under your bed is now online.
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S1LV3RW0LF: what. genuinely what the fuck is it this time
march: FIRST THING. DAN HENG KISSED A GUY
kafka dni: what?? we all know hes a little fruity, march
asta!!: ok uhm. good for him!!
dan heng: i didn't kiss him, i gave him cpr, because his lungs were actually failing.
asta!!: WHAT???
march: YEA THAT WAS THE SECOND THING. theres this guy who weve never ever seen before in the dorms whos just passed out
march: plus a girl who might???? be his sister?
kafka dni: theyre in the dorms?? howd they get in?
kafka dni: hm.
kafka dni: @herta
herta: [Automatic reply] Hi, I'm currently unavailable, and I won't be contacting you later.
asta!!: himeko!! its alright, arlan and i will figure out what happened!
arlan: sigh.... fine
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arlan is now offline.
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dan heng: i feel like you two should get the role of head of dorm. you two do more than herta.
S1LV3RW0LF: ooh wait LMFAO
S1LV3RW0LF: @under your bed
under your bed: ??
under your bed: OH HELP SHIT
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under your bed is now offline.
herta is now online.
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herta: Caelus and Stelle are two new students. I thought I told you about them, did I not?
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dan heng changed the group name to: days since we last saw herta: 0
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march: YOU DID NOT?/ TELL US?/???!!!
herta: Whoops. lol.
asta!!: god.
asta!!: if anyone sees arlan, tell him to come back pls
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under your bed is now online.
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kafka dni: ugh.
under your bed: hiii himeko :333
kafka dni: keep yourself safe
S1LV3RW0LF: lmfaoo i cant believe the new kid passed out, what a little loser
dan heng: "little". stop acting like you aren't 5'3.
S1LV3RW0LF: STOP THATS NORMAL HEIGHT ITS AVERAGE YOURE ALL JUST FREAKISHALLY TALL
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arlan is now online.
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arlan: hey guys what if i strangled herta. just once. what would happen.
asta!!: pls dont bb she'd set lennard on you
march: guys do i add stelle in?? shes awake and like apart of the dorms now.. shes also really nice!!
march: she did ask me if i was a map though...
under your bed: ??? context??
march: she was all like "are you a map because i keep getting lost in your eyes" and i was like no im a living breathing human
asta!!: march.,.,,,,,
under your bed: add her
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march added trashystelle
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under your bed: i want you to know that i am violently making fun of you rn
trashystelle: im makin gfun of myself
trashystelle: literally wtf
under your bed: i like you lets be friends
trashystelle: omg ok whats your name
under your bed: kafka winky face emoji im 17 and wwomen
trashystelle: oh so real me too
arlan: your... kafka also???
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trashystelle added trashycaelus
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trashycaelus is now online.
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kafka dni: whats with the trashy nicknames?
trashystelle: whenever we see a rubbish bin we have to look inside. its a urge
trashystelle: like an animalistic instinct but for trash
asta!!: oh!
asta!!: well! thats!
kafka dni: not the weirdest thing ive seen.
asta!!: how is that not?
kafka dni: we literally live with KAFKA.
asta!!: i mean... she hasn't done anything to weird while arlan and i have been here...
kafka dni: yes, but thats because you two are freshmen. you werent here two years ago when she sent the kitchen on fire because she tried making candle wax spinach brownies
kafka dni: FUCKING. CANDLE WAX SPINACH BROWNIES.
kafka dni: trust me, my hate for kafka isnt random
under your bed: LOOK IT WAS DARK AND I THOUGHT I WAS POURING MILK INTO THE BOWLLL
kakfa dni: WHAT KIND OF IDIOT LEAVES CANDLE WAX NEXT TO THE ALMOND MILK IN THE CUPBOARD?????
trashystelle: what did you think the spinach was
under your bed: i knew it was spinach, spinach brownies are underrated
kafka dni: LITERALLY GET AWAY FROM ME WHAT
kafka dni: FUCKING SPINACH BROWNIES?
under your bed: ITS SO GOOD SHUT UP HIMEKO. esp when the mixture makes the leaves all soggy and slimy... yum
march: what
arlan: I ACTUALLY AGREE WITH YOU SO HARD (ok maybe not spinach brownies) BUT SPINACH LEAVES ARE SO GOOD WHEN THEYRE SOGGY AND SLIMEY
asta!!: arlan im breaking up with you
arlan: NO ASTA LITERALLY TRY IT ITS SO GOOD
dan heng: ive never had spinach
march: WHJAT??
march: WHAT DID YOUR PARENTS SHOVE DOWN YOUR THROAT AT DINNER TIME WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER?
dan heng: i didn't have parents
under your bed:
under your bed: ok pack it up anne with an e
asta!!: kafka you cant just say that
S1LV3RW0LF: LMFAOOOOO KAFKAAAA
dan heng: lmao.
dan heng: thats really funny
dan heng: did you know i have your location and a spear
under your bed: omg is that a threat :33. i have veeeerrryy close connections with someone who can give u a detention for thatt :3333
dan heng: i will. fight you.
march: dan heng vs kafka, who will win, place your bets now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dan heng: playing my battle music
kafka dni: $100 on dan heng
asta!!: 10K on dan heng
march: THE CASUAL 10K DROP WTF?
S1LV3RW0LF: god i wish i was rich
S1LV3RW0LF: $20 on kafka its the best i can do
under your bed: wow $20 vs $10.1k
under your bed: silvie i better get at LEAST a third of that money when i win
dan heng: dont be so confident
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herta is now online.
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herta: Someone tell Dan-Heng to turn that lana del ray shit down, or I swear to god I'm gonna shove my fist so far up his ass He Can Lick My Fingers.
herta: lana del ray doesn't deserve capitalisation.
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herta is now offline.
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trashycaelus: alright so i dont know who herta is but she is now my number one enemy
arlan: how do you feel about the idea of strangulation and herta together?
trashycaelus: i feel very positive about that combo!!
S1LV3RW0LF: dude fr said "strangulation!!/pos"
trashycaelus: Krunch Your Nut.
S1LV3RW0LF: KRUNCH YOUR NUT???
under your bed: wow not even a keep yourself safe bro just hit you with the krunch your nut
trashystelle: not even a "i think thou could possibly benefit from the prospect of offing thouself."
under your bed: no stop because i know someone who talks like that its unbearable
kafka dni: youre unbearable
under your bed: LITERALLY WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU
kafka dni:
kafka dni: dan heng, beat her ass
S1LV3RW0LF: but this is dan heng, not dhil. no way hes beating kafka
arlan: who tf is dhil
S1LV3RW0LF: oopsies the 4th wall...my bad
march: uhm anyways. DAN HENG GET HER ASS
march: WOOOO
under your bed: HE CAN MEET ME IN THE FUCKING PIT.
dan heng: UFCK YOU.
asta!!: why are they fighting again.
march: i cant even remember man
march: AAA WTF I JUST BURNT MY TONGUE. I ONLY HAD A SINGLE SIP OF HIMEKOS COFFEE
march: WHY IS LITERALLY LAVA WTF
S1LV3RW0LF: idk if youve ever seen himeko drink her coffee before, but she takes it pure SCOLDING hot black
march: hhow am i meant to steal her coffee if i dont like black coffee:((
kafka dni: Then The Weak Die.
march: ok ouch
trashycaelus: does anybody know where the fight is at?
S1LV3RW0LF: wait hold on
S1LV3RW0LF: oh the luofu courtyard
trashycaelus: wait how did you find out the fast
S1LV3RW0LF: im a hacker lil bro
trashycaelus: A HACKER?? leave my bank account alone pls
S1LV3RW0LF: I WASNT GONNA TOUCH YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WTF?
S1LV3RW0LF: fucking yknow what just for that im gonna steal from you
trashycaelus: NO MY MAFUYU FUNDS
trashystelle: LMFAOO PJSK PLAYER, POINT AND LAUGH
trashycaelus: LEAVE ME ALONEE?
march: whos coming with me down to the luofu dorms to watch the fight?
kafka dni: i am
kafka dni: i cant wait to sit and watch kafka cry adn whine like a little bitch
trashycaelus: woah tmi
kafka dni: ??
kafka dni: how is that tmi
arlan: ooh. hm. that. i dont like that.
arlan: himeko and kafka arent dating, caelus. like himeko actually Does Not Like Kafka.
trashycaelus: ooh.
trashycaelus: OH OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY
trashystelle: LMFAO FUCKING IDIOT
trashycaelus: STELLE CAN YOU STOP BEING MEAN TO ME
S1LV3RW0LF: hey caelus what fucking mafuyu funds are you talking about.
S1LV3RW0LF: you have 0.71 cents in your account rn.
trashycaelus: i can buy 2 whole crystals with that money for your information
march: guys i think dan heng is gonna lose
kafka dni: march shut up hes got this dan heng has got this
kafka dni: hes just. warming up.
march: is he though
S1LV3RW0LF: LMFAO IM WATCHING ON THE CAMS, NO WAY
S1LV3RW0LF: KAFKA IS BEATING HIS ASS
asta!!: whats going on are they actually fighting
asta!!: I THOUGHT THEY WERE JOKING
trashystelle: YOU DROPPED 10K AND YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE JOKING?
asta!!: yes??? i dont get it is 10k a lot or something???
march: HELP WTF KAFKA JUST DROPPED A GRENADE AT DAN HENG IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED
S1LV3RW0LF: There Is No War In Ba Sing Bay.
trashystelle: help someone show me to the luofu dorms i need to watch this LMFAOO
asta!!: ill take you, ive gotta stop them... sigh
asta!!: where are you?
trashystelle: uuh i think im in the lounge room??
asta!!: ok, omw
arlan: wow these guys caelus and stelle are definitely extroverts
arlan: like god imagine being added to a gc where you only know one person and immediately making jokes
arlan: i aspire
trashystelle: oh im an extrovert, caelus isn tLMFAOO he just doesnt know when to stop talking
trashycaelus: hey stelle why dont you shut the fuck up
trashystelle: ugly ass
trashycaelus: uglier ass x infinity
trashystelle: fuck gfod damnit
asta!!: holy shit
asta!!: march why didnt you tell me they were hot
march: HELP?
arlan: ASTA???
S1LV3RW0LF: lmfao you guys might wanna hurry i think kafka is genuinely trying to Kill Him.
arlan: sigh....