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Bad Boys don’t love anyone (except their mothers).
Joel should not feel this way. Jimmy got out first. Again. It should be funny. He should be laughing. He shouldn’t feel bad. He should be out there farming for kills. He should find another alliance. He should get more time. But it was all so fast. So quick. So predictable. Of course it was going to be Jimmy again. It was always Jimmy.
He never really got to feel loss before. He never had time to grieve for Etho, and there was always no one to grieve for before all that. It just feels so weird to him. He wasn’t sure what a Bad Boy would do during all this.
He was planning to sacrifice himself. So it was him who would be out first. So it wouldn’t happen again. So that the blasted curse will be broken. So that he would be happy. It wasn’t supposed to turn out this way.
They hold a funeral for him, remembering him in his honour. As a teammate, as a Bad Boy, as a friend. Of course, they still try to make something funny about it. They make references to their past bits. They try to steal the offerings because he wasn’t even there to need them anymore.
They soon replace him with BigB because this is how it all works. This ridiculous game that plays with the players. They need alliances, resources, time. He was getting desperate. And so he decides to be even more reckless.
He doesn’t need to sacrifice himself for anyone now. He might as well just count down the once precious time he has left.
Bad Boys take risks.
Digging straight down into lava, trying to water bucket clutch from up Bread Bridge 2.0. They always took risks. Sure it seemed like a bad idea as it was what got Jimmy eliminated, but Joel didn’t care. He needed more time. He needed the risks.
He aggravates all the people around him. It’s what he’s been doing all season long, so why stop now? He kills wolves. He attacks. He breaks off alliances. He does everything he can in order to survive.
At this point, you could say Grian has abandoned him. At least one of them wasn’t a fool. Even then, Joel knows why, He wasn’t oblivious. He hears what people say about him. That he became mad, that he is taking Jimmy’s death hard, all of it. But that doesn’t make them any less true.
He doesn’t blame Grian for looking for different alternatives to what he has now, He is trying to survive too, although in a less stupid way than what Joel is doing. Maybe he was protecting Grian in a way too, by pushing him away from the effects of Joel’s madness.
In all honesty, Joel did not know what he was doing. These weren’t calculated risks. They weren't thought out thoroughly. But he didn’t have time to do all those smart things. All he knew was that he needed to survive this. For Jimmy.
All these risks bite him in the back in the end though, just like it did Jimmy. So much of it goes against him. So many footsteps, so many weapons, so many traps. He keeps on dying like there’s no tomorrow. And there probably won’t be one for him.
Bad Boys don’t cry.
They are all chasing after him. He doesn’t know what to do. They’re always just there. In the middle of it all, he tries to stop the tears he knows that are trickling down his face. No matter how many have been lost, he was always going to be a Bad Boy and Bad Boys don’t cry.
They even had sunglasses to stop people from seeing their tears during the Bread Bridge’s memorial. The Bread Bridge…
Sure it was first used as a trap that killed Scar and Cleo, but afterwards it just became something the Bad Boys cared for. It was something they put a lot of their time on, and have made a lot of memories with. Just for it to blow up was truly heartbreaking. But he never cried over that, did he? So why must he cry now?
It was ironic really, seeing Jimmy fall on where the Bread Bridge once stood. He supposes that the Bread Bridge and the canary had the same fate. Both were very dear to him, and both were gone now partially because of him.
Sometimes, he did wonder what would have happened if things went differently. If they never told Jimmy to drop a TNT minecart, if the bread bridge never blew up, if they never antagonised anyone in the first place. There were just so many what ifs, and maybe one of them happened. They wouldn’t be in this position right now.
Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. His shield just broke, and his glasses were thrown off somewhere. He would never be able to shield his tears ever again.
Bad Boys never die.
He can feel his heartbeat going faster than the ticks of the clock. He tries to go for the kill. He kills Scar. He kills Grian. That’s one hour more. It’s going to be fine. It’s all fine. He feels safe.
Then arrows come from everywhere around him. There’s no way he can prevent that. The one hour he just gained, it’s gone. Just like that. He has five minutes left. He panics. This is real bad. There’s too many of them. He can’t fight. He can’t get time. He can’t live.
He still tries anyway. Minecarts, speedbridging, just something that can help him survive.
But it’s all useless. They still target him. Scott, Scar, everyone else he antagonised. He desperately tries to grab on the few minutes he has left. It isn’t going well at all.
“Grian,” he shouts out. “I don’t think it’s going we-”
Then there it is. It’s done. His time has run out. But even as the lightning strikes him, there’s this feeling of freedom and joy he only got from before all this.
“Joel?” A familiar voice calls out. One that he’s missed. One that he hasn’t heard in what felt long so long. One that he thought that he would always hear until his own death. It doesn’t feel real. He doesn’t reply.
“What happened there, bud?” Jimmy sounds joyous, as if nothing has ever happened. Joel couldn’t help but chuckle. “Well it’s no matter. Skizz is waiting for us to watch the others who are still out there.
Bad Boys always stick together.