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When Hanbin had told him that he had something important to tell him and that he should come to his house as soon as possible, this wasn’t at all what Zhang Hao had been hoping for.
“What do you mean you’re leaving?” Zhang Hao asked his best friend, Hanbin. He had just snuck into his room through the window (as he normally did when Hanbin got grounded and wasn’t allowed to leave the house), and noticed the younger packing bags filled with his belongings. An uncomfortable feeling began to pool in his stomach, he didn’t like where the conversation was going one bit.
“I didn’t plan on doing this like… at all . But remember the dance program I was telling you about? The one in America? I sent in my audition video, the one you helped me record, remember? They gave me a spot, Zhang Hao. They accepted me. ” Hanbin smiled, excitement lacing his voice. “Can you believe it?”
The one Zhang Hao helped him with. He mentally cursed himself for agreeing to that. Why did he let himself give in?
Zhang Hao knew how much this meant to him, and how much the younger had been hoping for months that he had done enough during the auditions period to be accepted. The look of pure joy on the face of the younger was enough to know how this opportunity was all Hanbin wanted for himself. Zhang Hao didn’t blame him; those who attended this program almost always got a job offer in the industry right after; so attending this was a sure way to get a job he actually enjoyed.
How was he to be bitter for the success of the boy he loved?
Zhang Hao looked around the familiar room. Hanbin had just gotten these LED lights he’d been ranting about wanting forever, so the room was tinted with blue lighting. Zhang Hao thought that the blue complimented Hanbin beautifully.
Zhang Hao’s heart sank as he took in the sight of his best friend meticulously packing bags, the reality of the situation settling heavily upon him. The vibrant blue cast an ethereal glow over the room, accentuating the bittersweet atmosphere that enveloped the both of them. He wanted nothing more than to stand in front of the suitcase and tell him to stay, but he knew that was something he was never going to be able to do.
Feeling a whirlwind of emotions—happiness for Hanbin’s accomplishment and a deep sadness for their impending separation—Zhang Hao struggled to find the right words. He had always been there for Hanbin, supporting him through countless dance rehearsals and auditions, but now, faced with the prospect of Hanbin leaving their shared hometown, it was difficult for Zhang Hao to fully grasp the weight of the situation.
How was he going to pretend to be happy when he was anything but?
The room, once a sanctuary where they had spent countless hours discussing dreams and sharing laughter, now felt transient and uncertain. Zhang Hao’s gaze wandered across the walls adorned with framed photographs of their adventures, each image capturing a moment frozen in time. He recalled the late nights spent practicing dance routines in this very room, the walls echoing with their laughter and determination. The memories flooded his mind, making him acutely aware of how deeply intertwined their lives had been.
If given the chance, he would relive those days to spend more time with Hanbin. He would relive the day a thousand times if it meant he knew the younger was going to be by his side the following day, rather than across the world in a country Zhang Hao had no way of getting to.
“Oh, that's great Hanbin! It really is!” Zhang Hao smiled. He really did mean it, Zhang Hao was incredibly proud of his best friend. Although that was true, it really was, Zhang Hao felt a twinge of sadness erupt in his stomach by the news that his best friend would be moving, quite literally, to the other side of the world. “I never doubted you for a second. You’re the best dancer I know.”
Zhang Hao couldn’t remember a time where he and Hanbin were separated for longer than a couple days, if even that. Going to school together since they were children, they were quite literally joined at the hip. They’ve been through everything together; from Zhang Hao consoling Hanbin when he broke up with his first boyfriend, to Hanbin consoling Zhang Hao when he didn’t make it into the songwriting workshop he’d applied for. To think that Hanbin would now be moving away from him for an extremely long period of time, Zhang Hao honestly didn’t know what to do with himself.
He was scared.
“You really think so?” Hanbin asked, his eyes searching Zhang Hao’s face for affirmation. He reached out, taking hold of Zhang Hao’s hands, their fingers intertwining. Zhang Hao’s gaze dropped to their joined hands, feeling the warmth of Hanbin’s touch enveloping him. When he looked back up into Hanbin’s eyes, he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of adoration. To Zhang Hao, Hanbin’s eyes held a captivating beauty that outshone even the brightest stars in the night sky.
Unbeknownst to Hanbin, it was an open secret that Zhang Hao was in love with him. It seemed as if everyone around them could sense the unspoken emotions lingering between them, except Hanbin himself. Zhang Hao had never made a conscious effort to hide his feelings; in fact, he thought that they were painfully obvious to anyone who cared to observe. Whenever Hanbin said something sweet or got too close, Zhang Hao would blush and stumble over his words, his heart racing — which, he learned as he grew older and they grew closer, was hard to hide.
It was the way Hanbin always looked out for him, offering unwavering support and reassurance, despite being younger.
It was the way he always made sure that Zhang Hao woke up on time for his (painfully) early university lectures, or stayed by his side at social gatherings to ease his anxiety around big groups of people.
Hanbin’s gestures constantly overwhelmed Zhang Hao. He was, for lack of a better word, perfect to Zhang Hao.
“Of course, ‘Bin,” Zhang Hao replied softly, his voice filled with sincerity. “There’s no one else I know who deserves this opportunity more than you.” In that moment, gazing at Hanbin’s radiant expression, Zhang Hao couldn’t find it in himself to be upset, feeling slightly guilty for the selfish act of hoping he was able to stay. Why should Hanbin waste an opportunity as good as that one? Hanbin’s happiness was enough to sustain him for however long he was going to be gone. Wasn’t that enough? Hanbin was the embodiment of the happiness Zhang Hao craved, even if it meant loving him from afar. “You know I’ll always be here to support you, no matter what.”
A warm smile graced Hanbin’s lips as he maintained unbroken eye contact with Zhang Hao. With each passing moment, it became harder for Zhang Hao to suppress his longing for something more than friendship. Every time Hanbin referred to him as just his best friend, it felt like a small piece of Zhang Hao’s heart shattered. It wasn’t that Zhang Hao didn’t cherish their friendship, but he yearned for something deeper. He yearned to hold Hanbin’s hand for more than a fleeting moment and to call him his own.
He yearned to love him.
“You’re really my best friend, Hao. You know that, right?” Hanbin affirmed, his smile unwavering. Yet, as Hanbin spoke those words, Zhang Hao couldn’t help but sense the underlying disappointment lurking within his own gaze. He awkwardly chuckled, averting his eyes to avoid Hanbin catching a glimpse of the longing that resided within him. “You’re always there for me, and I don’t think I tell you how much I appreciate you and your presence.”
Best friends.
That’s what they were.
That’s what they were always going to be.
“Yeah,” Zhang Hao chuckled awkwardly, his gaze now deliberately averted to avoid letting Hanbin see the disappointment that had settled within his eyes. “That’s what best friends do for each other, isn’t it? Be there for everything?”
Hanbin smiled, flopping back onto his bed, his body sprawled out in a state of contentment. Zhang Hao couldn’t help but notice that Hanbin was wearing the gray hoodie Zhang Hao cherished the most—the one with Zhang Hao’s university name printed on it, branded with the logo of the musical department. It was originally meant for Zhang Hao, but it had arrived too big, prompting Hanbin to happily claim it as his own. Secretly, Zhang Hao hoped that Hanbin loved the hoodie not just because he adored hoodies in general, but because it held a piece of Zhang Hao within it. Zhang Hao observed how Hanbin laid there on the bed so peacefully, eyes shut, seemingly without a care in the world.
Would Hanbin bring that hoodie to America with him?
Remaining seated on Hanbin’s bed, his legs crossed beneath him, Zhang Hao gazed at his best friend and felt his emotions start to overwhelm him. He desperately tried to suppress the rising tide of sadness, determined to show Hanbin nothing but the pure happiness he deserved for getting into the program. He didn’t want Hanbin to perceive anything other than his unwavering pride in the accomplishments he had achieved thus far. Yet, it was undeniably difficult to not be upset about the impending reality of the person he loved most leaving.
“Zhang Hao, are you okay?” Hanbin’s voice broke the silence, concern etched across his face. Zhang Hao’s gaze shifted to the ceiling, a feeble attempt to blink away the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. It proved futile, and he hastily wiped away the stray tears that traced down his cheek. Without answering, Zhang Hao felt Hanbin sit back up, inching closer until their proximity made it impossible to hide the tear-stained evidence of his inner turmoil. Hanbin’s hand gently cupped Zhang Hao’s cheek, his thumb tenderly caressing the older boy’s skin. “Hey, listen to me, Zhang Hao. Why are you crying? Is everything okay?”
“It’s nothing.” Zhang Hao waved off his hand. “I’m just being dramatic.”
Despite the weak attempt to deflect Hanbin’s concern, the younger boy didn't buy his lame attempt at an excuse. “I know you, Hao. Something is bothering you, so tell me.”
A lump formed in Zhang Hao’s throat as he struggled to find the right words. He gazed into Hanbin’s eyes, their proximity making it impossible to hide the truth any longer. With a trembling voice, Zhang Hao finally managed to express the turmoil that had consumed him. “Hanbin, it’s just… America is so… far. I’ll miss you so much,” he confessed, his voice filled with vulnerability and unspoken longing. “I won’t even be able to visit. What if you like it there better? What if you don’t come back?”
“It isn’t that far,” Hanbin responded softly, his thumb continuing to caress Zhang Hao’s cheek, the concern still evident in his voice. He attempted to inject a note of optimism into the conversation, both boys acutely aware of the vast distance that would soon separate them. “At least, not when FaceTime and phone calls exist. I’ll FaceTime you so often when I’m there that you’ll probably end up getting sick of me.”
A flicker of a smile graced Zhang Hao’s face, his heart warming at Hanbin’s attempt to lighten the mood. “I can never get sick of you, Hanbin,” he replied, his voice carrying a mix of affection and sincerity. In that moment, Zhang Hao’s gaze was fixed on Hanbin, his eyes conveying the depth of his emotions. He cherished every second they spent together, and the mere thought of losing that connection was overwhelming and absolutely terrifying.
Hanbin’s smile illuminated the room, captivating Zhang Hao’s heart with its radiance.
To Zhang Hao, it was one of the most beautiful sights in the world—the way Hanbin’s happiness shone so brightly that it seemed to diminish all of Zhang Hao’s worries. Yet, as much as Zhang Hao longed for Hanbin to understand the effect he had on him, he couldn’t deny the bittersweet truth that Hanbin remained oblivious to his deeper feelings.
In the depths of Zhang Hao’s heart, there was always a glimmer of hope that Hanbin felt the same way.
Someday, Zhang Hao thought. Someday Hanbin was going to realize.
He yearned for that realization, clinging to the belief that perhaps his subtle hints and gestures were somehow conveying the depth of his affection. Whether it was positioning himself front-row for every one of Hanbin’s dance performances or showering him with compliments on his appearance, Zhang Hao hoped that these small acts of devotion would betray his true feelings.
But the fear of rejection and the risk of losing their cherished friendship held Zhang Hao back from expressing his love outright. The delicate dance of friendship and unrequited longing was a constant source of both joy and anguish for him. He cherished their bond deeply, and the thought of jeopardizing it by confessing his romantic feelings seemed almost unbearable.
How was he ever going to tell him?
Was he ever going to tell him?
Zhang Hao’s gaze remained fixed on Hanbin, his heart yearning for their connection to transcend the boundaries of friendship. For now, he would continue to cherish the stolen moments, basking in the glow of Hanbin’s smile and silently hoping that someday, somehow, their paths would align in a way that allowed their true emotions to intertwine.
Even their friends were surprised that Hanbin hadn’t caught on to Zhang Hao’s feelings. Matthew, one of their closest friends, often remarked on how it was both surprising and impressive that Hanbin had managed to miss so many signs – it slightly worried Zhang Hao; what if he was ignoring them on purpose? What if he was ignoring them to pity the older? What if he was avoiding the feelings in order to avoid having to reject him?
“You’re saying that now, but imagine how hard it will be with the time difference. You’ll be getting calls from me in the middle of the night, or… or you’d call me in the middle of the night. I’m warning you now, you’ll have no choice but to answer me whenever I call, or I’ll call Matthew to come knock on your door while you’re sleeping!” Hanbin joked, attempting to ease Zhang Hao’s worries about the impending separation, as if Zhang Hao would ever miss a call from him. However, his lighthearted comment brought up another concern that Zhang Hao hadn’t even considered—the impact of the time difference on their communication. Was Hanbin going to eventually get tired of staying up late to talk to Zhang Hao? Was he going to find new friends in America and gradually forget about him? How was Hanbin to stay awake during the night to talk to him? Did Zhang Hao want Hanbin to sacrifice his little sleep for a conversation?
As if sensing the mounting dread within Zhang Hao, Hanbin sighed and gently released his hands from Zhang Hao’s cheeks, opting to intertwine their fingers once again. “Zhang Hao, I can hear your thoughts from here. You have nothing to worry about. We’ve been best friends for our entire lives, haven’t we? A couple of months won’t change anything. Besides, I highly doubt I’ll find anyone who measures up to you in America.”
Zhang Hao’s heart skipped a beat at Hanbin’s words, a mix of relief and longing flooding through him. He often felt as though he relied on Hanbin more than Hanbin relied on him, and his recent self-consciousness had only exacerbated that feeling. The prospect of Hanbin being away for an extended period in a completely new environment had stirred up insecurities within Zhang Hao regarding their relationship.
“Of course I do… I mean, who else is going to be there for me through everything?” Hanbin continued, his voice filled with sincerity. Memories of their countless shared experiences flashed through Zhang Hao’s mind. “Remember when it was like four in the morning, and you were helping me perfect my audition piece? And right after our brutal seven-hour practice, I suddenly had a craving for chocolate cake. Despite being just as tired as me, you made it while I napped.”
Zhang Hao shrugged, his gaze shifting downward as he fiddled with Hanbin’s fingers—a simple act that brought him comfort. “That wasn’t that big of a deal, it was just a box mix.”
“But who makes box mixes at four in the morning?” Hanbin countered, a playful glimmer in his eyes as he met Zhang Hao’s gaze. He wiggled his eyebrows, clearly trying to lighten the mood. “With icing? And sprinkles?”
Zhang Hao couldn’t help but smile, a mixture of fondness and affection enveloping him. “I do,” he replied softly, their shared memories and inside jokes serving as a reminder of their deep connection.
“That’s what I’m trying to get you to understand, Zhang Hao,” Hanbin reiterated, his voice gentle and filled with sincerity. “You aren’t like other people. You’re thoughtful, kind, and selfless. Seriously, nobody can even compare.” Zhang Hao felt a warm blush creep onto his cheeks as he absorbed the compliments coming from the person he cherished the most. It was both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. Hanbin didn’t realize the impact of his words—the way they simultaneously filled Zhang Hao with happiness and unleashed a torrent of unrequited emotions. Zhang Hao wished with every fiber of his being that Hanbin loved him even a fraction as much as he loved Hanbin. That alone would be enough to satisfy his longing.
“Don’t say things like that, Hanbin, please,” Zhang Hao pleaded in a whisper, the words escaping him before he could stop them, like waves hitting the beach during a storm. “Please don’t do this to me. It’s not fair.” Zhang Hao’s heart raced, his breath catching in his throat. He never anticipated uttering those words, especially not in front of Hanbin. The realization of what he had revealed sank in, amplifying the discomfort gnawing at his stomach. Confusion washed over Hanbin’s face, and Zhang Hao regretted his impulsiveness.
“Huh?” Hanbin’s voice trembled with confusion, and Zhang Hao desperately wished he could take back his words and rewind time.
“Nothing,” Zhang Hao rushed, his laughter sounding forced as he attempted to fill the uncomfortable silence enveloping the room. “Let’s just pretend I never said anything, okay?” He shifted his attention to the remote control of the LED lights, grasping it tightly and pressing random buttons to change the room’s color. Anything to divert Hanbin’s attention from the topic at hand. “Oh, this is such a pretty shade of pink. Don’t you think so?”
“Zhang Hao?” Hanbin called out, his voice laced with concern and a touch of frustration. Zhang Hao pretended not to hear, his focus solely on the LED lights and their changing colors. He desperately hoped that Hanbin would drop the subject, sparing them both from further awkwardness and unspoken truths. “Zhang Hao, are you listening to me?”
But Zhang Hao didn’t respond. He couldn’t. His heart was too overwhelmed, and his mind was a chaotic whirlwind of emotions. He chose to retreat into the distraction of the lights, offering temporary solace in their vibrant hues. Deep down, though, he knew that ignoring Hanbin’s inquiries wouldn’t make the unspoken words disappear. The weight of their unvoiced truths hung heavily in the air, and Zhang Hao couldn’t escape the painful reality of his unrequited love.
“Zhang Hao, I’m talking to you.” Hanbin stated, grabbing the remote control from Zhang Hao’s grasp. Zhang Hao didn’t know what to do with the situation that was unfolding in front of him. He had no plans whatsoever to ever tell Hanbin how he was feeling, yet he had completely ruined that plan for himself. “What do you mean?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Zhang Hao stated, awkwardly laughing once again. Hanbin sighed, shutting his eyes.
“Zhang Hao, please listen to me.” Hanbin started, turning away from Zhang Hao on the bed. Zhang Hao began to feel a bad sense of dread take over his body as his friend didn’t make eye contact anymore. Had he upset him that much by deflecting the question for too long? Hanbin took a deep breath before he continued speaking. “I am only saying this now because at least if you react badly, I can leave for America and you wouldn’t be stuck having me in your presence.”
Zhang Hao frowned, confused at what the younger boy meant. React badly? What was he planning on telling him? Had he finally had enough of Zhang Hao and wanted to be left alone?
“What are you talking about?”
For the first time in a while, Zhang Hao was afraid of the words that would come out of Hanbin’s mouth.
Hanbin’s eyes softened as he met Zhang Hao’s gaze, his voice filled with a mixture of vulnerability and determination. He took a step closer, closing the physical gap between them, as if trying to bridge the emotional distance that had silently grown between them for far too long.
“I’m trying to tell you that… I really like you, Zhang Hao,” Hanbin admitted, his voice laced with a tinge of hesitation. Hanbin liked him? “Maybe it’s the way you refuse to order spicy food when we go out because you know I don’t like it and can’t handle the spice. Maybe it’s the way you try and find the best in people, the way you give everyone a chance, the way you put others over yourself. Remember when you were helping Yujin with his biology project that you left yours till the last minute because you knew he was struggling? I think you don’t give yourself enough credit, Hao. You do so much for others and are willing to sacrifice everything to give a bit of happiness, and you never think of yourself, how you feel, or how it’ll affect you.”
Zhang Hao’s mind spun like a whirlwind, his thoughts colliding with his beating heart. He searched Hanbin’s face for any sign of deception, for any hint that this might be some cruel joke or a figment of his imagination. But Hanbin’s expression held an earnestness that Zhang Hao had never seen before, an intensity that captivated him and shook him to his core.
Was this real?
Hanbin sighed once more, running a hand through his hair. “It’s just that every time I look at you, I feel these… things I’ve never felt before. At first, I thought that it was stress. I mean, I’ve been super stressed recently with the auditions and stuff, you know? Then I realized it was more than that. I realized when you would sneak through my window at night to watch shitty reality tv shows to make me feel better about being grounded, or when you walked in a snowstorm to the cafe near my house just to get me a warm cup of hot chocolate when I ran out.”
Unable to find the right words to express the maelstrom of emotions within him, Zhang Hao’s voice escaped him in a mere whisper. “I… I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Hanbin.” His eyes never left Hanbin’s, desperately seeking the clarity and reassurance he so desperately craved.
He needed to hear Hanbin say it.
Hanbin took a deep breath, his own emotions laid bare for Zhang Hao to see. He reached out, hesitantly placing a hand on Zhang Hao’s shoulder, his touch grounding and comforting. “I’m saying that I’ve realized my feelings for you go beyond friendship, Zhang Hao,” Hanbin confessed, his voice filled with a mixture of longing and trepidation, as if he was afraid that the minute he spoke the words, it would change the relationship between the pair - opening the floodgates. “Every smile, every laugh, every moment we’ve shared together has only made me fall for you. I.. I thought this was how best friends act, you know? Always being with each other, wanting to spend every single waking moment together. I was thinking about it and sure, I love my other friends, but you, it’s almost indescribable? You just make me so nervous.”
Zhang Hao’s heart skipped a beat, the weight of Hanbin’s words sinking deep into his soul. It felt as though the entire world had come to a standstill, leaving only the two of them suspended in this moment of truth. He struggled to process the magnitude of Hanbin’s admission, the realization that the love he had buried deep within his heart might not be unrequited after all.
Zhang Hao remained speechless, not knowing what to answer to Hanbin, who was quite literally the love of his life, expressing these emotions that Zhang Hao didn’t know existed. It was as if Zhang Hao couldn’t move or breathe, scared that one wrong move would wake him up from what he felt was a dream.
“You like me? Like as a friend?” Zhang Hao’s voice quivered with a mixture of disbelief and hope. His mind struggled to process the magnitude of Hanbin’s confession, uncertain if he could dare to believe it was true. It was as if his mind wasn’t allowing him to accept what the younger was saying to him as a defence mechanism — a protection of his deep emotions.
Hanbin bit down on his bottom lip, his gaze briefly darting away before he mustered the courage to face Zhang Hao once more. Turning back towards him, he placed a gentle hand on Zhang Hao’s cheek, the warmth of his touch sending a shiver down Zhang Hao’s spine. With the weight of his emotions palpable in the air, Hanbin spoke with a voice filled with sincerity and conviction. “More than a friend.”
The shock on Zhang Hao’s face was evident, his eyes wide as he searched Hanbin’s gaze for any hint of doubt. The seconds stretched out, as if time itself was suspended, allowing Zhang Hao to absorb the enormity of what Hanbin was saying. The words hung in the air, fragile yet potent, igniting a flicker of hope within Zhang Hao’s heart.
“You do?” Zhang Hao’s voice quivered, his words barely escaping his lips. The repetition was instinctual, an attempt to anchor himself in the reality of the moment. The surreal nature of the situation seemed too good to be true, like a dream he feared would shatter if he dared to believe it. “Me? You like… me?” A part of him longed to pinch himself, to test the boundaries of reality, but he dared not risk waking up from what he wished with all his being to be true.
Was he dreaming? He had spent countless nights imagining how this would unfold; and no amount of maladaptive daydreaming prepared him for this moment.
Hanbin’s nod, accompanied by his gaze drifting to Zhang Hao’s lips and back up to meet his eyes, confirmed the truth of his feelings. Zhang Hao’s heart pounded within his chest, the rush of emotions overwhelming him. He struggled to contain the surge of happiness that threatened to burst forth from within.
“There’s nobody that I like that comes even remotely close to you, Zhang Hao.” Hanbin’s smile, though tinged with a hint of nervousness, conveyed a sincerity that radiated through the room. He moved slightly closer to Zhang Hao, their proximity now breaching an unspoken barrier that had kept them apart. The air seemed charged with anticipation, as if both of their hearts beat in sync, waiting to see how the other would react. “You’re my person.”
The realization that Hanbin’s feelings were genuine began to settle within Zhang Hao’s being, like a warm embrace that dissolved his doubts. Yet, remnants of uncertainty lingered, fueling the wavering in his voice. “If you’re joking with me, this is really fucking cruel, Hanbin.” Zhang Hao whispered, his voice tinged with a mixture of fear and longing. The vulnerability in his words bared his heart, the magnitude of his feelings laid bare. “Don’t… don’t make a joke out of this.”
“I wouldn’t mess with you like that, Hao.” Zhang Hao stated delicately, not breaking eye contact with the older. “Let me show you just how much I like you.”
In response, Hanbin moved even closer, their breaths intermingling in the charged space between them. Zhang Hao could feel his own cheeks flush with heat, the intensity of the moment overwhelming his senses. With every beat of his heart, the realization that this was no cruel jest but a genuine confession grew stronger.
As their lips touched, Zhang Hao felt as though he was on cloud nine.
The kiss was a delicate exploration, their lips tenderly brushing against each other at first, as if testing the waters of their newfound intimacy. Zhang Hao’s heart raced with a mixture of excitement and nervousness, his senses heightened by the electrifying connection that surged through their entwined bodies. It was a dance of sensations, their breaths mingling, and the world around them fading into insignificance.
As the kiss deepened, they began to explore each other with growing passion. Zhang Hao felt Hanbin’s lips moving against his own, a gentle pressure that sent shivers down his spine. Every caress of their tongues ignited a wildfire of emotions within him, their mouths melding together in a perfect harmony. It was as if they were discovering a language that only they understood, speaking volumes without uttering a single word.
Zhang Hao’s hands, initially trembling with uncertainty, found their place on Hanbin’s face, cradling his cheeks with tender affection. He savored the softness of Hanbin’s skin beneath his fingertips, relishing in the warmth that radiated from him. The sensation of Hanbin’s breath against his skin was intoxicating, the rhythm of their shared heartbeat merging into a symphony of desire.
Their kiss became an expression of all the unspoken longing, a culmination of the months of unrequited feelings that had silently resided within their hearts. It was a testament to the unbreakable bond they shared, a union that surpassed the boundaries of friendship and ventured into the realm of something deeper, something profound.
As their lips finally parted, both Zhang Hao and Hanbin found themselves breathless, their eyes locked in a gaze that spoke volumes. It was a moment of shared astonishment and disbelief, a realization that their lives had forever changed in the embrace of that singular kiss. Their connection now held a new dimension, a blossoming love that promised a future filled with infinite tenderness and unwavering support.
Zhang Hao couldn’t help but touch his lips with a mix of wonder and a smile gracing his features. It was a gesture that symbolized the awakening of a love he had never dared to dream of. “You just kissed me,” he murmured, his voice tinged with awe. “I can’t believe you just kissed me.” The words hung in the air, a beautiful reality they now found themselves in.
“I’ve been meaning to do that for a while, actually,” Hanbin admitted, his voice laced with a hint of vulnerability and sincerity.
Zhang Hao’s gaze softened as he met Hanbin’s eyes, captivated by the raw honesty in his words. A small smile played on his lips, but he couldn’t help but steal a glance at Hanbin’s slightly swollen lips, a lingering reminder of the kiss they had just shared. He resisted the urge to lean in for another kiss, not wanting to lose himself in the intoxicating cycle of desire and affection.
“Really?” Zhang Hao asked, his head tilting slightly, trying to maintain composure despite the fluttering of his heart. “Can you pinch me? I must be dreaming.”
“You’re awake, Hao.” Hanbin slightly laughed, placing a hand on the older’s thigh. Zhang Hao’s skin burnt to the touch.
Zhang Hao, desperate to get his mind off the placement of Hanbin’s hand, spoke once more. “I can't believe you like me.”
Hanbin’s expression shifted to a puzzled one, his fingers fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie. “What do you mean? I thought I was pretty obvious with how I felt. I kept trying to make a move, and you didn’t go forward with it.”
Zhang Hao blinked rapidly, raising an eyebrow in slight surprise. How did he miss that? “If only you knew how many times I tried,” he confessed, a playful glimmer in his eyes.
As if drawn by an invisible force, Hanbin moved closer to Zhang Hao, throwing an arm over his shoulder and gently pulling them both down until they were lying flat on the bed, their bodies entwined. Zhang Hao nestled into Hanbin’s warmth, feeling as though he was floating in a dream.
How did he become so fortunate?
One of Zhang Hao’s favorite things about Hanbin’s room were the glow-in-the-dark stars they had put up together on the ceiling years ago. As they laid down on Hanbin’s bed, their gazes turned upward, taking in the ethereal sight. Zhang Hao couldn’t help but smile at the memories associated with those stars—jumping on the bed together, their laughter filling the room, and Hanbin’s accidental fall that led to a sprained ankle. It was a day etched in his mind, a testament to their shared adventures.
The plastic stars gleamed beautifully alongside the vibrant LED lights, casting a gentle glow that bathed the room in a cozy ambiance. Zhang Hao’s heart swelled with warmth, the sight of the stars reminding him of their bond and the moments they had cherished.
“If we ignore the fact that these stars are plastic,” Hanbin mused softly, his voice filled with nostalgia, “Aren’t they kind of beautiful in their own little way, Hao?”
“Yeah, they are.” Zhang Hao said quietly. “I think the best part was that we did it together, wasn’t it?”
”If we ignore the part where you pushed me off the bed and I sprained my ankle,” Hanbin teased, slightly shoving Zhang Hao. “Then I consider that the highlight.”
Zhang Hao scoffed, shoving the younger right back. “I did not push you! You fell!”
Hanbin nodded, placing a kiss on Zhang Hao’s forehead. “Whatever you say, Hao.” Zhang Hao felt his entire stomach burst into a group of butterflies. “Either way, we make a pretty good team, don’t we?”
“We really do.”
For a short period of time, both Zhang Hao and Hanbin forgot about everything: the fact that Hanbin had to move across the world in a couple days and how they wouldn’t be able to see each other for a very long time, the worries that Zhang Hao grappled with about being replaced, nothing mattered. Everything came second to the way they were both feeling towards each other.
They both didn’t want it any other way.
Their eyes locked, and the electricity in the air became palpable once again. Zhang Hao’s heart raced with anticipation, his mind filled with a whirlwind of emotions. Hanbin, his voice shy, though laced with desire, leaned in closer, their lips hovering just inches apart. “Can I kiss you again?”
“Always.” Zhang Hao nodded slowly, eyes not leaving Hanbin’s lips. Just the mere thought of kissing the boy he loved made his entire world feel as though it was flipped on its side.
Zhang Hao’s breath hitched as Hanbin’s hand cupped his cheek, his touch sending shivers down his spine. Their lips finally met in a hungry, passionate kiss. It was as if a floodgate had opened, releasing all the pent-up longing they had held back for so long.
“God, Hao.” Hanbin groaned, eyes fluttering shut. “You don’t know how crazy you make me feel.”
Zhang Hao felt like he was in a dream. Was this even real? Was this just a figment of his overactive imagination?
“I could say the same thing for you.” Zhang Hao brought his lips down to Hanbin’s neck, kissing his skin, and leaving a trail of wet kisses.
“Hickies?” Zhang Hao could feel the vibration of the boy slightly chuckling. “You’re giving me hickies?”
Zhang Hao hummed, kissing a spot on his neck, causing Hanbin to slightly gasp. That was the spot. “Need everyone in America to know that you’re unavailable.”
Zhang Hao didn’t even realize the implications of what he said, not caring for much of what he was saying due to the fact that Hanbin was in front of him… wanting him.
“This will disappear before I even get there.” Hanbin stated softly, though arching his neck so Zhang Hao was able to have a better angle.
“I’ll have to do it again, then.” Zhang Hao stated simply. “More practice.” Hanbin reached for his chin, pulling him up so they were at eye level, looking at each other for a second before pulling the older into another kiss. If Hanbin let him, he would give the younger marks on his neck every single day.
“I would like that.” Hanbin said, voice barely above a whisper. Their mouths moved against each other with an intensity that left them breathless. Tongues intertwined, dancing in a sensuous rhythm, exploring and tasting each other with a fervor that couldn’t be contained.
Hanbin’s hand roamed down his stomach, seeking out every inch of exposed skin, igniting sparks of pleasure in their wake.
Zhang Hao disconnected their lips, looking down at his shirt, Hanbin’s hand still on the small of his stomach, his skin tingling under Hanbin’s touch as his hand traced a trail of fire down his stomach, igniting a delicious sensation that made Zhang Hao’s breath hitch. Their eyes met, filled with a mix of anticipation and longing. Without words, their silent agreement hung in the air, and Hanbin’s hand moved to the hem of Zhang Hao’s shirt, his fingers curling around the fabric.
Take it off.
Zhang Hao arched into Hanbin’s touch, his body craving more of his warmth. Hanbin’s fingers tangled in Zhang Hao’s hair, deepening the kiss, his other hand tracing a tantalizing path down Zhang Hao’s spine from underneath his shirt
”Lie down,” Zhang Hao groaned, lightly pushing Hanbin back on his mattress. The room was filled with the sound of their soft moans and the intoxicating scent of their desire.
“Hao,” Hanbin muttered shakily, his voice laced with desire and anticipation as he looked up at him, “Take off my hoodie.”
Zhang Hao’s ears turned red at the mention of the hoodie Hanbin was wearing as his own.
God, Hanbin was beautiful.
Zhang Hao’s heart raced at Hanbin’s command, a surge of electricity coursing through his veins. The urgency in Hanbin’s voice only heightened his own longing, fueling the flames of desire that burned between them. He complied without hesitation, his hands moving with a mix of eagerness and reverence.
With a swift and practiced motion, Zhang Hao gently pulled the fabric away from Hanbin’s body, revealing a toned and sculpted physique that took his breath away. He wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath. His fingertips grazed Hanbin’s bare skin, savoring the warmth and softness beneath his touch. It was an intimate act, a tender unveiling that allowed Zhang Hao to drink in the sight of Hanbin’s exposed form.
As he discarded the sweater, Zhang Hao couldn’t help but steal glances at the boy before him. Hanbin was more than just handsome; he was captivatingly beautiful. Every curve, every line of his body seemed perfectly designed, a work of art that stirred an overwhelming desire within Zhang Hao.
In the dimly lit room, the interplay of shadows and moonlight danced upon Hanbin’s skin, highlighting the contours of his muscles and accentuating his allure. Zhang Hao found himself transfixed by the way Hanbin’s chest rose and fell with each breath, a rhythm that echoed the anticipation pulsating between them.
“Take off your shirt.” Hanbin whispered, only loud enough for Zhang Hao to hear him. He knew he was already a blushing mess, feeling the heat pool both in his stomach and his ears — they have barely done anything and yet Hanbin made a Zhang Hao putty in his hands. “Please,”
Zhang Hao’s breath hitched as Hanbin flipped him over, slightly bouncing from the mattress beneath him.
Zhang Hao was nothing if not obedient, and he willingly (and quickly) pulled his shirt off in front of the boy in front of him, trying not to stare at how... pretty Hanbin looked.
Zhang Hao, back on the bed, watched as Hanbin hovered over him. It only took a couple of seconds for the older to realize that Hanbin, was wearing the necklace he had given him when they both vowed to never leave each others side - a silver chain with half of a heart.
Zhang Hao’s fingers instinctively reached out, gently tracing the delicate chain that encircled Hanbin’s neck. His touch was gentle, reverent, as if he were caressing the very essence of their bond. The cool metal warmed under his fingertips, the sensation mirroring the deep affection that radiated between them. “You still wear it?”
Hanbin smiled slightly. “I never took it off.”
Zhang Hao never took his off, either.
Zhang Hao’s fingers lingered on the silver chain, his touch gentle and loving. His mind repeating to itself that he never took it off. His eyes locked with Hanbin’s, seeking an unspoken affirmation. In that moment, a surge of longing coursed through him, an undeniable urge to connect their lips once more.
Unable to resist the magnetic pull drawing them together, Zhang Hao closed the distance between them, capturing Hanbin’s lips in a tender yet passionate kiss. Their mouths melded together, their lips moving in perfect synchrony, conveying all the unspoken emotions that words could never express.
As their lips danced, Zhang Hao felt the intensity of their connection deepen. The taste of Hanbin’s sweetness mingled with the faintest trace of salt from Zhang Hao’s tears. His hands found their way to Hanbin’s back, pulling him closer, as if trying to merge their very beings into one.
Zhang Hao was incredibly addicted.
In this kiss, time stood still. The world outside their embrace ceased to exist as they lost themselves in the intoxicating realm of shared desires and unspoken love. It was a kiss fueled by a deep connection, a celebration of their bond, and a testament to the profound affection that coursed through their veins.
Their tongues intertwined in a sensual dance, exploring the depths of each other’s mouths with an insatiable hunger. Every flicker of their tongues and every gentle nip of their lips ignited a fire within them, stoking the flames of passion that burned brightly between them.
As they finally broke the kiss, their lips glistening and their breath mingling, Zhang Hao looked into Hanbin’s eyes with a mix of awe and adoration.
The necklace, a symbol of their unwavering commitment, hanging around both of the boys necks, seemed to shine even brighter against the backdrop of their shared intimacy.
xxx
Zhang Hao and Hanbin found themselves lying side by side on Hanbin’s cozy bed, their bodies entangled in a warm embrace. They gazed at each other, their eyes filled with a mixture of tenderness, affection, and a newfound depth of understanding.
The soft glow of moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle radiance on their faces. Their fingers lightly traced patterns on each other’s skin, creating a delicate symphony of touch and connection.
In the quiet intimacy of that moment, the world outside ceased to exist. It was just the two of them, their hearts beating in sync, sharing an unspoken language that surpassed words.
Zhang Hao couldn’t help but marvel at the beauty of Hanbin’s features—the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the curve of his lips that always brought warmth to Zhang Hao’s soul. He traced the outline of Hanbin’s face with his fingertips, his touch feather-light, as if he were afraid to disturb the perfection before him.
“You’re beautiful. So damn beautiful.” Zhang Hao whispered, his voice barely audible, as if he feared that speaking too loudly would shatter the fragile enchantment they had woven around themselves. His words carried a weight of sincerity and awe, resonating with the depth of his emotions. “God, I’ve waited so long to tell you that.”
Hanbin’s gaze never wavered from Zhang Hao’s eyes, as if he were trying to etch every detail of the older boy into his memory. He gently ran his fingers through Zhang Hao’s hair, marveling at its softness, and then let his hand rest against the curve of Zhang Hao’s cheek, his touch tender and reassuring.
There was nothing Zhang Hao loved more than Hanbin’s delicate touch.
“Coming from you?” Hanbin slightly smiled, and it took everything in Zhang Hao’s being to not kiss the boy in front of him once more. Hanbin paused, eyes still glued to Zhang Hao. “I can’t believe you’re… you.”
Time seemed to stand still as they lost themselves in each other’s presence. They could sense the unspoken promises, the shared dreams, and the unbreakable bond that had brought them to this moment.
Something had shifted between the pair.
In the silence, the weight of their emotions hung in the air, intermingling with the soft breaths they exchanged. It was a silent conversation, an unspoken declaration of their feelings, as they lay there, eyes locked, their souls bared and intertwined.
The world outside may have been filled with chaos and uncertainty, but in that moment, lying in bed, their hearts found solace in each other’s presence. They knew that no matter what challenges they would face, they had each other—a love that would anchor them and guide them through whatever, whenever and each other.