Chapter Text
Sometimes Eddie believed in karma. This time away from Buck, as unexpected as it had been? It felt like karma. Like Shannon returned from the dead and gut punched him screaming, "This is how it feels! This is how it's like to be abandoned by your partner without any discussion! This is how it feels when they make executive decisions that you have no choice but to accept!"
God he loved Buck, but sometimes? Sometimes his impulsiveness really ticked him off.
They both know that if they had talked it out, Buck wouldn't have gone. Because Buck shouldn't have gone. He shouldn't have left and abandoned them.
"I'll be quick, just a few days in San Francisco to catch them up."
"Eddie, they could really help crossing off potential buildings. I can help. How could a fire department be this short staff of fire marshals?"
"It was bad. I just. Eddie, 26 floors, 26 fire doors welded shut."
"Just a few more days."
"Hey, put Chris on? I know I promised I'd be back by his birthday but we are getting closer."
"A few more weeks. Please. Eds. You have to understand."
"I can't stop now. Eddie, these fires. They're inside me now. Burning me. I can't stop. If I stop they will burn me alive."
—
The duffel was where Buck would leave it after crashing from a shift from hell. Just far enough to not cause anyone to trip on it, taking up the entirety of where guests’ shoes could go.
Seeing it was a shock. He knew Buck might pull the surprise car, but he had expected to see his Jeep at least. For a moment he wasn’t sure if the bag was the ghost, or he was.
Was it over? Thinking back to his own shift from hell he had to admit if they announced catching him, he wouldn’t know.
It took hearing the sounds of someone puttering around the kitchen, softly humming to confirm that no, neither he nor the bag were ghosts or memories.
He smelled pancakes, and the bag was different.
Somehow Buck’s pancakes just smelled like Buck’s Pancakes the way that Eddie’s or Bobby’s don’t. These pancakes smelled like Buck. They would taste like Buck, make him feel warm and comforted and safe like Buck does. Make him feel loved by Buck.
The bag was different. Black masking tape ran over BUCKLEY hiding who owned the bag. There were new patches on the bag. Los Angeles FD. San Francisco FD. Seattle FD. Chicago FD. Miami FD. Washington D.C. FD., New York FD. FBI.
—
“Getting Deployed Changed You Eddie! And not for the better. You need help.”
“Well, going to war does that, Shannon. It changes them.”
“What if I don’t like those changes? I didn't marry them. Didn’t ask for them. This is something that you did to yourself. Does it make you happy? Does it make you feel more like a man coming home from war? I needed you. You. Just You. Not the money. You. Your support, your love. I had hoped when You returned, maybe. But. You didn’t return, did you?”
—
Eddie felt a tightness build in his throat. He wanted to call out, but he couldn’t.
He was scared of what he was going to find. Who he was going to find making pancakes in their kitchen.
He knows it isn’t the same. Not nearly the same. But month after month, as a building went up in flames and at least a hundred people died as a result, he would call less. Talk less when he did. But he would always break down the day after with him on the other side of the phone.
Walking softly into the kitchen, as silently as possible, he just wanted to capture this moment for eternity. The moment after Buck returned. The moment before reconnecting with Eddie. The moment they knew they loved each other with their heart and soul.
Buck’s back was to him, as expected when on the oven’s griddle. He stood a little straighter than usual, not as loose as he normally would be in their kitchen. His back was a little less broad, his arms a tad smaller, not a ton, but proof enough of loss of muscle.
Noticing Eddie, he turned and as eyes locked on ocean eyes, the world stopped.
I’m home. Welcome home.
I love you. I love you too.
I’m here. So am I.
I’m sorry. We’ll get past this.
I’m sorry. I forgive you.
I’m tired. I’m tired too.
I’m happy. I’m happy too.
I’m sad. I’m sad too.
I missed you so much. We missed you.
I shouldn’t have left. I agree.
I shouldn’t have left, but I needed to do this. Did you?
Yes. No!
I needed to do this. You only thought you had to!
I’m sorry. We’ll get past this.
I saw the world burn. So did I.
I feel like I’m still burning. So did I.
Will you help me? I have your back, always will.
Will we be ok? Yes, eventually.
Will we be ok? I’ll make sure of it.
Will I be? Yes, but different, the world has burned through you.
The world burned through you first. It took you to put me back together.
Oh. Yeah.
We caught him. Ok.
We caught him. At what cost to you?
We caught him. I’m happy you are back.
We caught him. I missed you.
Yeah. Yeah.
Buck’s face seemed harder, older, but his eyes were the same.
Just as easy for them to read from the other.
Just as much Buck as Buck was when he left.
Yet still. Different.
The tension in Buck’s shoulders bled as a true smile formed on his lips and in his eyes.
Tired, Relieved, Joyful.
It wasn’t one of Buck’s signature sunshine smiles. He hoped that those weren’t gone.
The unrealistic, fleeting fear that had choked him earlier melted away with the tension in his throat.
“Hey, Eds.”
“Hey, Buck.”