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Inside the Wayne Family (Season 1, Episode 1: Are You Watching?)
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〈VIDEO TRANSCRIPT〉
The video opens on an old man sipping tea and making pleasant conversation with someone behind the camera. The serenity is interrupted by screaming. The old man sighs and gets up to investigate. The Cameraman follows behind. As the old man opens the doors of the room he is in, the screaming gets exponentially louder. The volume is artificially lowered. The camera is lifted to see past the man showing a middle-aged man and a younger adult man pulling two teens away from each other. The teen in a yellow sweatshirt is screaming profanities that are beeped out. The video cuts to black when a title card plays: a sweeping panorama of the manor and the gardens followed by a wide shot of the WAYNE FAMILY standing on the front steps with cursive text appearing above the family reading “Inside the Wayne Family.” The video cuts back to black with the sound of bird calls and text reading “Episode 1: Are You Watching?”
Fade open to the middle-aged man, BRUCE WAYNE, sitting in a chair, the camera positioned so his torso and head are in frame. In the lower left of the screen appears text stating the man’s name.
Bruce: My name is Bruce Wayne. I am the CEO of Wayne Enterprises and I live in this manor with my wonderful sons and daughter.
Cut to a shaky video of Dick swinging from a chandelier. The video switches back to the shot of Bruce from mid-torso-up. He still looks calm.
Bruce: Today, I believe we’re giving everybody a tour of the manor and introducing almost everyone that lives here.
Something shatters. The camera picks up the twitching of Bruce’s eye. Text pops up beside him: “This is fine.” The video cuts to Bruce leading the Cameraman through the manor room by room. They start in the foyer which leads to a long hall with multiple rooms on either side.
Bruce: This is our entryway. It leads to every room in the manor. Straight ahead is the main staircase that leads to the upper floors. We have three. The first floor is the kitchen, dining room, living room, sitting room, library, theater, and offices.
Bruce leads the Cameraman into one of the rooms on the left and stops before sighing heavily. In the middle of the kitchen is an island. On this island were two baking sheets covered in what looked to be garlic bread. Sitting on stools facing the door were two men – DICK GRAYSON and JASON TODD. They were slowly eating the garlic bread piled on the trays. The video cuts to a mid-torso-up shot of Dick. His hair is long and frames his tawny cheeks. His name appears in the bottom left-hand corner.
Dick: Hey! The name is Richard, but everybody should call me Dick.
Jason, off-screen: For good reason!
Dick: Shut up! [ to the Cameraman ] What did you want to ask me?
Cameraman, off-screen: What were you doing with all that garlic bread?
Dick: Jay and I were having an eating contest! Whoever won would get to, uh… destroy a very expensive suit in the other person’s closet.
The video cuts to a torso-up shot of Jason. He is glaring with his arms crossed. His eyes seem to be almost glowing, but that is surely a trick of the light.
Jason: What do you want?
Cameraman, off-screen: We were wondering–
Jason: Wanted to know how I [ air quotes ] “came back from the dead?” I was never dead! I went missing! Why can’t y’all leave it alone!?
Cameraman, off-screen: Um, well uh… With all due respect, we were going to ask what suit you were going to destroy…
Jason: … Oh.
The video cuts back to the kitchen. Jason and Dick are struggling as they continue to stuff their faces with garlic bread. Jason finishes his piece before Dick.
Jason: [strained] Eat my *beep*!
Dick: [ muffled by garlic bread ] I don’t have room…
Bruce: Let’s move on, shall we?
Bruce ushers the Cameraman out of the kitchen and towards the wide oak stairs. They walk up together, the camera behind Bruce. Framed photos line the wall, most of them serious. Bruce reaches the landing and waits for the Cameraman before speaking.
Bruce: The second floor is the guest wing where all of the guest rooms are. There are bedrooms, another sitting room, and a second-floor entrance to the library. There isn’t really anything on this floor since we don’t get many guests and the ones that are staying here prefer their privacy.
Bruce leads the Cameraman to another set of stairs. They walk up together and the camera catches even more photos, these ones more humorous than the last set. Bruce wanders down the hall as he speaks.
Bruce: This third floor is the family wing. I’m only letting you up here because everyone else is either out or won’t mind you being here. Like Tim, for example. We haven’t really seen him yet, so let’s go check on him.
Bruce walks to one of the doors with purpose and knocks. A voice responds from within. The camera cuts to a young man in a yellow sweatshirt with medium-length dark hair pulled back into a small ponytail on the vertex of his head and poorly concealed bags under ice-blue eyes – TIM DRAKE. He looks lost in thought. He holds a mug in his hands with a painted smiling sun on the front with blurred-out words.
Cameraman, off-screen: Could you uh… introduce yourself?
Tim: Tim Drake. He/Him.
He takes a sip from the mug. The bottom of the mug has to be blurred out.
Cameraman, off-screen: Can you explain what happened in your room earlier?
The video cuts back to Bruce opening Tim’s door. The inside of the room is a mess: laundry spilling out of the hamper, papers on the floor, and an unmade bed. Tim sits in an office chair by the desk that is covered in coffee cups and more papers. His feet are up in the seat of the chair, his knees to his chest, and he had headphones on with one ear exposed. He is facing a dimly lit computer that illuminates the dark room. Without turning around, he begins to speak.
Tim: What’s crackin’ big smackin’?
Bruce: Tim… I thought I told you to clean up before the camera crew came in.
Tim: Who says they’re gonna see it?
Bruce: … They’re seeing it right now.
Tim: [ quietly ] Damn, *beep*
Bruce: I heard that.
Tim: Tough.
The video cuts back to the torso-up shot of Tim. He is taking another long sip of his drink. He puts the cup down and stares into the camera.
Tim: No.
The video cuts back to Bruce as he sighs and slowly closes the door. With wide eyes, he quickly opens the door again.
Bruce: Please tell me you aren’t eating laundry detergent.
The camera zooms in on a small square in Tim’s hand. The square looks a lot like a laundry detergent pod. A bite has been taken out of it.
Tim: [ chewing ] ‘ey’re gummiesh.
Bruce sighs before closing the door again. He gestures for the Cameraman to follow. As the camera follows him, his look of defeat is zoomed in on.
Bruce: I promise he isn’t always like this.
The video cuts to the shot of Tim with his mug sitting in front of the camera.
Tim: Bruce is a *beep* liar. Trust none of what that man says.
The video cuts to the parlor on the first floor where ALFRED PENNYWORTH is sitting, sipping a cup of tea. Between sips, he makes pleasant conversation with the Cameraman. It seems mindless.
Alfred: Do you find this job particularly enthralling?
Cameraman, off-screen: I mean, it’s only the first day. Who can tell that early?
Alfred: Right, of course. Have you thought about–
Alfred cuts himself off when screaming erupts from just outside the doors to the parlor. He sighs and stands up. The Cameraman scrambles to follow as the man throws the doors open. The screaming gets exponentially louder and the volume has to be artificially lowered. The camera is lifted to see past the man showing Bruce and Dick pulling Tim and DAMIAN WAYNE away from each other. Tim is screaming profanities that are beeped out. The video cuts to a torso-up shot of Damian in front of the camera.
Damian: This is ridiculous.
Dick, off-screen: Come on Damian, we all did it!
Tim, off-screen: Actually, I think you were–
Jason, off-screen: SHUT IT! Just-just shut up! Let him do it!
Damian: [ sighs ] Must they be here?
Dick, off-screen: We’re moral support!
Damian: I have no morals.
The screen cuts to a gray screen with cartoonish letters reading “We’ll be right back” with a long beep. The video changes back to the shot of Damian.
Damian: I suppose I should introduce myself now. I am Damian Wayne.
Tim, off-screen: Our resident gremlin!
Cameraman, off-screen: How do you keep getting back in here!?
Damian: His one talent is being a nuisance.
Tim, off-screen: Proud of it, idiot. Get rotated.
Damian screeches as he falls. The corner of the stool he was sitting on can be seen as it is pulled out of sight. The screen cuts to black and text pops up: “Damian is okay!” The video shifts to a shot of the entire family sitting in the parlor. Bruce is in the middle of a large couch with Dick and Jason on either side of him. Tim is on Jason’s right with a Golden Retriever – ASH – sitting between his feet. Damian is on Dick’s left with a Great Dane – TITUS – at his side.
Dick: I think that’s all for today! Sorry you weren’t able to see the others. Cass and Duke and Steph and–
Jason: They’ll be in the next one, probably.
Dick: Yeah.
Bruce: I’m already regretting this. Can we just say goodbye?
Tim: You-you’re just now regretting it? [ whispers ] I should’ve tried harder
Bruce: NO– [ clears throat ] Um, no. Please don’t do that.
Jason, Dick, and Damian are hiding their laughter. Bruce sighs.
Tim: [ grins ] See ya on the flip side!
The screen fades to black as the others around him groan. Bruce places his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose and looks like he would rather be anywhere else. Once the screen is fully blacked out, text fades in across the screen: “Thanks for watching!”
〈END TRANSCRIPT〉
Comments 248
BadWitch524
tim speaks for the zoomer masses. we stan
👍10 👎 🗨0
fr0gmanj0nes
I stg this strange single father is Batman and idk how people aren’t seeing it
👍5 👎 🗨2
BadWitch524
when was the last time you went outside
👍15 👎 🗨0
DrFailure49
“Get rotated” is now my favorite insult and no one gets it -_-
👍22 👎 🗨8