Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Drake Mallard was used to waking up from being knocked unconscious, considering how often Darkwing Duck got injured. At this point, he’d probably spent more time knocked out than actually sleeping. So, where would he wake up this time? His hideout? His bed at home? The Thunderquack? S.H.U.S.H. HQ? A random street on St. Canard? Only one way to find out.

Slowly, Drake opened his eyes. His surroundings were unfamiliar, though the property looked abandoned. Figured. For some reason, there were a LOT of abandoned buildings in the city. He always meant to write to the mayor about that. Standing in the distance were two colorful shapes. As his blurred vision focused, the shapes changed into two familiar figures.

“Megavolt! Quackerjack!” Drake shrieked. The two supervillains turned around to face their victim.

“That’s right!” Megavolt declared. “We’ve finally done it. After all this time, we’ve kidnapped Darkwing Duck…”

Drake couldn’t feel his hat on his head. His mask wasn’t on. And looking down at his clothes, he saw he was tied up AND still wearing his civilian attire.

How is this possible? These two loonies couldn’t have figured out my secret identity! The only one who’s gotten close is Megavolt, and his memory’s shot, Drake thought. If these criminals had that information, Gosalyn’s life may be at risk! More at risk than usual, at any rate.

“…’s husband!” Megavolt finished.

All of the crime fighter’s racing thoughts came to a halt. It took a solid few seconds for him to process Megavolt’s comment.

“WHAT?!” was all he could say.

“Well, you two are Gosalyn’s dads, aren’t you?” Quackerjack added. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, did you two go through a divorce?”

Of course! Gosalyn always calls me Dad on the job! These two are closer to the truth than I’d like. If I go along with this, maybe they won’t look into it any further! This is going to be all kinds of wrong. But, for Gosalyn’s sake…

“Uh, yes!” Drake sputtered. “Yes, you got me! Darkwing Duck, who is definitely NOT me, is my husband. That’s right. You figured it all out!”

Megavolt and Quackerjack looked pleased with themselves. Drake’s words seemed to have convinced them.

“Man, you’re one lucky guy. You were such a dweeb back in high school. How’d ya pull a famous bird like Darkwing Duck?” Megavolt wondered.

“Er, we met…through Gosalyn! She was involved in a case, and I adopted her.” Technically true. “The rest, as they say, is history!” Drake laughed nervously.

“Why, isn’t that sweet!” Quackerjack commented. “How nice of you to adopt. Right, Megavolt?”

“I told you, not until I’m ready!” Megavolt complained.

“And when will that be? We’re not getting any younger!”

Drake had to hold in his laughter. A supervillainous domestic dispute! He’d have to tell Launchpad about this later. Which reminded him:

“Sorry to interrupt, but what exactly do you plan on doing with me?” he interjected. Megavolt and Quackerjack stopped their squabbling, and attempted to look professional.

“Right,” Quackerjack muttered. He cleared his throat, and spoke more menacingly: “You’re the bait in our little trap!”

“We sent a note to that pilot friend of yours. If your family wants to see you alive again, then your Darkwing Ducksband is gonna bring one million dollars, in cash, right to us.” Megavolt explained.

“And we instructed him to come alone. If he doesn’t follow the rules of our game to the letter…” Quackerjack started.

“You’ll be in a WORLD of hurt!” Megavolt exclaimed. He and Quackerjack proceeded to cackle maniacally.

That was a problem. But if Launchpad had gotten a ransom note, he and Gosalyn would surely figure something out, right? Drake had to buy some time. Distract the crooks, if possible, so he could escape.

“You’ll never get away with this!” Drake asserted. “Darkwing Duck is far too clever to fall into your fiendish trap! Not to mention handsome, brave, and above all, humble.”

It wasn’t hard for Drake to act like he was in love with Darkwing. After all, who loved Darkwing Duck more than himself?

“You’d better hope so. As soon as Dipwing shows his face, I’ll fry him!” Megavolt taunted.

“Puh-lease. He’s been hit by your puny bolts hundreds of times!”

“Why, you-!”

Before Megavolt could blast a Drake Mallard-sized hole into the ground, Quackerjack stepped in.

“Temper, temper! We don’t want to damage the goods. Darkwing won’t very well listen to our demands if we don’t have a hostage,” Quackerjack reminded him. “You’ll get plenty of target practice once he comes to save the day.”

Megavolt and Quackerjack nodded to each other. They stopped paying attention to Drake, opting to look for any sign of Darkwing’s arrival. He took the opportunity to test the strength of the rope that bound him. Too tight to bust out of, but he could just barely reach the knot holding the rope together. He got to work untying it.

“It sure is taking Darkwing a while,” Quackerjack said. “Wonder what’s keeping him?”

“Hah! Probably trying to work out a way to save Drake here without giving us our money. He’ll show!” Megavolt replied.

Drake was about halfway done with the knot when Quackerjack walked back up to him. He didn’t dare make a move now.

“Feeling comfortable?” Quackerjack joked.

“I’d be a lot more comfortable without these ropes. Very chafing. Do you mind?” Drake quipped.

“Confident little ducky, aren’t we?”

“Why shouldn’t I be? You said it yourself, you can’t risk harming me. How about you save us all some trouble and let me go now?”

Quackerjack grinned. What could he be so happy about?

“I stopped Sparky—”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” Megavolt interjected, not even bothering to look behind him.

“—from hurting you because he’d turn you into rump roast. I wouldn’t dream of killing you, Mr. Mallard. But I have other ways of keeping you in line.”

The fiend pulled a feather from his hand, and began tickling Drake with it.

“HA! HAHAHA!” It was getting hard for Drake to breathe. “STOP THAT! HAHAHA!”

“Quacky, look! The Thunderquack!” Megavolt said. Quackerjack went to look out the window, leaving Drake behind.

“Hold on a moment. Doesn’t that mean Darkwing brought his sidekick with him? He can’t fly a plane on his own,” Quackerjack pointed out.

The ropes were almost untied. Just a little more time!

“We can handle that doofus, no problem!”

“But he broke the rules! He was supposed to come alone!”

“That guy follows Darkwing around everywhere. Who cares?”

“I care, Megsy! I will not let them ruin my plan!”

“YOUR plan?!”

Success! Quietly, Drake slipped out of the rope, and backed into the shadows.

“I was the one who came up with bringing the little lover boy here!” Quackerjack insisted.

“I was the one who found him!”

“Well I was the one who—say, the plane’s flying pretty low, isn’t it?”

Before anyone else could say anything, Launchpad crashed into the building. In all the commotion, Drake managed to slip into the cockpit. He always kept a spare costume in there.

Megavolt and Quackerjack recovered from the shock of the crash, and stood on guard.

“Aw, great, our hostage got loose!” Megavolt complained.

“We’ll worry about that later. Where’s Dipwing?” said Quackerjack.

“I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the parent who embarrasses you on your date! I am…Darkwing Duck!”

Appearing from inside the crashed plane, Darkwing Duck flipped his cape. Launchpad stumbled out, too, still dazed from the crash.

“Aw, what’s the matter? Drake too scared to come out to play?” Megavolt taunted.

Launchpad looked shocked. He glanced at Darkwing. The hero gave his sidekick a knowing wink.

“Kidnapping a model citizen like Drake Mallard? That’s low, even for you two,” Darkwing scolded. “Fortunately, my incredibly talented, responsible, and attractive soulmate was able to outsmart you, and escape! Looks like you’re outta luck!”

“We’ll settle for beating you into a pulp!” Quackerjack screeched. Fortunately, this stopped Launchpad from saying anything that would blow DW’s cover.

The villainous duo charged at Darkwing Duck, but he swiftly dodged their attack. He brandished his gas gun.

“Suck gas, evildoers!”

He fired his usual gas pellet at Megavolt and Quackerjack. Megavolt shot a bolt of electricity at it, but that just caused the pellet to blow up and expel its gas anyway. The two were knocked out cold.

“A messier victory, but a victory nonetheless,” Darkwing stated.

“Gee, you were great, DW!” Launchpad complimented. “But what did ya mean back there when you said Drake Mallard was your soulmate?”

“A, uh, necessary part of my plan. Fortunately, my secret identity is still safe.”

Chapter Text

Negaduck, as per usual, busted Megavolt and Quackerjack out of jail. He didn’t LIKE them, but the more supervillains causing chaos around St. Canard, the better. 

“What plan did you two losers come up with this time?” Negaduck asked them as they escaped.

“Hey, for your information, it was a GREAT plan!” Megavolt said. 

“We kidnapped the person Darkwing Duck cares about more than anyone else!” Quackerjack described.

“Oh yeah? Who’s that, then? McQuack? Gosalyn?” 

“Even better. We kidnapped Drake Mallard!” said Megavolt.

If Negaduck had been drinking something, he would’ve done a spit take. He hadn’t heard that name in a long time. Could it be that this universe’s Darkwing still kept a civilian identity?

“I knew you’d be impressed. Not just anyone could kidnap the husband of a superhero,” Megavolt bragged.

“Did you…did you just say husband?” 

“Of course! Haven’t you ever noticed that little Gosalyn kid calling Darkwing her dad? And Megavolt knew for certain that she’s Drake Mallard’s daughter. There’s only one way they could both be her father,” Quackerjack explained.

Negaduck stared at his fellow villains for a bit. Then he burst out laughing. 

“What? What’s so funny?!” Megavolt demanded to know. 

The evil counterpart could just imagine the look on Darkwing’s face when these two idiots called him his own husband. It was hysterical. Sure, Negaduck could’ve told Megavolt and Quackerjack the truth. But this would certainly irritate his goody-two-shoes doppelgänger. 

That, and he found it hilarious.