Work Text:
Hidan: "...So...most-a this shit's happening just 'cause Mommy Dearest didn't get to ride Daddy Senju's dick before he kicked the bucket, right?"
Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu, Konan, and every one of the "Paths of Pein": (eyes widen in horror; all immediately shunshin sideways to abandon Hidan to his fate)
Kisame: (snatches up a stunned Itachi bridal-style and sprints out of the blast radius)
"Tobi"/Obito: (horrified arm flailing) "Ooh...you have met with a terrible fate."
Madara: (grabs Hidan by the ear and jerks him into doubled-over)
Hidan: "OWOWOWOW!!! That's attached!!"
Obito/"Tobi": (backing away; serious voice) "...You shouldn't have done that."
Madara: (holding hand in ready-to-pimp-slap position) "Hidan. The backside of my hand must look delicious to you."
Hidan: "Didn't you say you'd never hit your kids?!!"
Madara: "Boy!! If you do not stop testing me, I will cut your head off and bury you in two separate forests!!"