Archive of Our Own

**** Part 1 ****

After a good day's work at the office, Serizawa and Reigen were out in town looking for a place to get some drinks. Reigen wouldn’t usually take a coworker out like this, but it had been Serizawa’s suggestion, and it wasn’t often he suggested such things. 

“Oh, this place seems nice.” Serizawa said, stopping to peer into a bar. 

It was still fairly bright outside, with the sun only just starting to set behind them, so it was hard to see into the dark windows of Twin Fantasy , but Serizawa tried to squint inside from the sidewalk anyway. 

“They have all different coloured lights inside, I think. Isn’t that interesting?” He grinned.

Reigen blushed, trying not to stare at Serizawa’s adorable smile. “I’m glad to go anywhere you like, this was your idea, after all.”

Serizawa’s grin widened and he walked over to hold the door open for Reigen. 

Reigen blushed harder; he had to stand uncomfortably close to Serizawa to get inside. Reigen tried not to think about how warm Serizawa’s presence made his heart feel, how much he wanted to stay that close to him, feel his arms around him, and- Reigen made a bee-line for the bar, not pausing to let the esper catch up. 

Serizawa, however, took this as a sign of Reigen’s enthusiasm, and gladly followed him to the counter.

Reigen was halfway through ordering when Serizawa joined him, and was put on the spot suddenly. 

“And my friend here will have…” Reigen and the bartender looked at him expectantly. 

Serizawa froze. He opened his mouth and closed it silently a few times, glancing around desperately. Eventually, Reigen got the message. 

“Let’s just make it two lemon sours, thank you.” 

Ordering for your friend… that’s a normal thing to do. Reigen argued with himself. I didn’t have a choice.

Serizawa breathed a sigh of relief. 

“You ok there, big guy?” Reigen murmured to him. “You look like a stunned mullet.”

Serizawa blushed, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “I’ve never been to a bar before.” He admitted sheepishly. “I don’t understand how these things work, to be honest.”

Reigen took a startled step backward, as though thrown backwards by this revelation. 

“Never?! Not even once in all the time you were with Claw?” 

Serizawa shook his head. “I’m not really a fan of alcohol, and I hated crowds even more so back then. I never saw the appeal in going out.” He paused, blushing harder. “And I guess, I never really had anyone I wanted to go out with… until now.”

Reigen tried not to overthink his phrasing. He knew Serizawa didn’t mean it like that . Reigen stomped out the butterflies in his stomach. 

Presently, the bartender placed their drinks on the counter, and so Reigen avoided coming up with a response. 

Serizawa took a sip of his drink. “Mm! This isn’t bad.”

Reigen sipped his drink as well. “Yes, they’re my go-to.”

“What was it, a lemon..?”

“Lemon sour.”

“I’ll have to remember that.” Serizawa gave one of his huge grins. 

He had this way of smiling with his entire face, not just his mouth but his adorably squished cheeks, the gentle crinkles around his eyes… it always made him look so unbearably cute. Reigen looked into his glass instead. 

“I’m glad you like it.” He said quietly, far more tenderly than he meant to. Cheeks flushed, he changed the subject. “So, long day today, wasn’t it?”

The two chatted by the bar for a while, talking about everything and nothing, until eventually they decided to find somewhere to sit. 

Serizawa pointed across the room. 

“Those seats look comfy, do you want to sit there?” He said eagerly. 

Reigen smiled, but his heart dropped to the floor when he saw what Serizawa was talking about. He was pointing at the booths. Objectively the most romantic place for a pair of people to sit alone together. 

He doesn’t know these things, he doesn’t mean anything by it… And I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.

“Uh, didn’t you like the lights? There are some tables here under them, that’s cool, right!?”

Reigen waved his hands wildly, gesturing at all the tables near the middle of the floor, which were lit most strongly by the multicoluored neon lights.

“Uhm. Yeah. Sure, any of those look good too.” Serizawa said uncertainly.

He didn’t understand why Reigen was so quick to shoot down his suggestion. But is wasn’t an important one anyway, he shouldn’t complain. 

“Let’s take this one!” Reigen plonked their drinks down on the first empty table he spotted.

He flopped into a chair, as if to even more firmly cement the decision. Serizawa pulled up the chair across from him, still frowning. He stared into their glasses on the table, how they glowed with reflections of the pink and green lights.

The spot Reigen had chosen just so happened to be right beside the dance floor, and he had taken the seat facing toward it. He had a perfect view of all the people there having a great time, dancing and singing and laughing together. 

Maybe me and Serizawa could join in… But Reigen shook this thought from his head after he noticed how many couples were out there.

Oh, nevermind. That’s not why we’re here- I mean, not that I want to be- nevermind. Nevermind.

So many people were there, holding hands and exchanging tender glances and quiet words and pecks on the cheek. Reigen knew he would never have that, and he didn’t want to. Least of all with Serizawa. 

Reigen tore his eyes from the smiling faces and glared at his lemon sour. 

“Uhm… so, Reigen…” Serizawa started.

“Mhm?” Reigen didn’t look up at him, he was still staring angstily into his drink. 

“Um, well, see I actually- I mean, what I meant to say is I’ve, uh-“ Serizawa stuttered, fretting, practically squirming in his seat.

Reigen looked up at him, meeting his eyes for a moment before noticing the people moving a little ways behind him. 

Serizawa forced himself to sit still, and took a deep breath. “The reason I wanted to see you tonight was to talk about something.”

Reigen only glanced at him, consumed by trying to imagine himself in the dancer’s places. 

“I’m listening.” Reigen lied.

But of course, Reigen is a great liar.

Serizawa took another deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart, clasping his hands together and squeezing his fingers. 

“I’ve realised that, a lot of the time, I don’t… feel very good.” His voice shook. ”When I’m out and around people it’s like…”

He looked up at Reigen, but Reigen wasn’t paying attention. Serizawa looked down again. It didn’t matter. He just needed to talk to someone.

“It feels like I’m just putting on an act, like I’m not myself at all.” He was talking softer now. 

“Hm?” Reigen didn’t hear what he said. 

“It’s like, everyone else is in a play- and, and knows their role… but I never got my part. I didn’t read the script. I don’t even know what show we’re putting on. Does that make sense?” Serizawa looked at Reigen with his dark, watery eyes, and Reigen couldn't help but lie again.

“Yeah, I get what you mean.” He hadn’t really heard a word of that, but Reigen tried harder to tune in now after seeing the vulnerable look in Serizawa’s eye. 

Something about that gentle gaze unnerved Reigen though, and he still struggled to pay attention. He took a gulp of his drink. 

Serizawa breathed a sigh of relief. “Sometimes I feel crazy for feeling this way, I’m sure no one else thinks about things so strangely.”

Reigen nodded. “If there’s one thing I can say, it’s that you aren’t crazy.” 

Well that didn’t sound half as reassuring as he meant it to. What’s with me? I don’t have this under control at all.

Serizawa gives him an uncertain smile, but a smile nonetheless.

Well, maybe I misjudged. He seems happy enough.

Reigen relaxes again, and finds himself watching the dance floor once more as Serizawa continues to talk.

This continues for the rest of the night. But Reigen’s consistently dismissive remarks don’t deter Serizawa. It feels he’s like talking to a brick wall, but at least he’s talking, right? And Reigen is… sort of listening. That’s enough. It has to be enough. Reigen is all he has. No one else would do this for him.

He kept glancing at the people slow dancing as the night grew long, and at Serizawa’s hands as he clasped them together and fretted. Reigen wanted so dearly to take the man’s hands into his own, just to hold them and let him know he really does sympathise with what he’s going through, he just wasn’t in the right state of mind right now. But instead, Reigen looked at how the people dancing hold each other so casually, as though it’s the easiest thing in the world to just reach out and touch each other. Reigen would kill just to be able to simply put his arms around Serizawa’s shoulders and sway to the music like all the other couples here. 

But of course, he can’t have that. It’s not as easy as just reaching out and finding Serizawa there to hold. When Reigen closed his hands, it was around empty air, or his cold glass. He just didn’t get to feel the warmth of Serizawa’s skin, like all these normal people got to. 

He was just different to them. That wasn’t something he got to have. He had accepted this a long time ago. 

 “So, I just feel really, I don’t know…” Serizawa scrunched up his face, looking for the right words. 

Reigen tuned into the conversation again. He wanted to offer a suggestion but his stomach twisted as he realised he had no idea what Serizawa had been saying.

“Mm, that’s difficult.” Reigen said hollowly.

He wished he had some better advice to give, but he just didn’t have it in him. 

Serizawa sighed deeply. 

There was a lull in the conversation now, and Reigen noticed some lint on Serizawa’s shoulder, and when he leant closer to brush it away, he found his face terribly close to Serizawa’s. Reigen couldn’t help but glance at his lips and- He’s already pulled back before he can finish that thought. Suddenly, Reigen was panicking. His heart was racing. Adrenaline flooded his brain. 

Trying to act natural, (not that he needs to, of course, Serizawa doesn’t seem to notice anything is up) Reigen haphazardly made some excuse to leave- dramatically stretching and yawning, saying some dumb lie about having a client with an early booking so he really should go get some sleep!

But Serizawa was more than familiar with their client schedule, so he immediately saw through this. Not that it would have mattered. It’s their day off tomorrow.

Serizawa watched the door shut behind Reigen before he even had a chance to say goodbye. His mouth felt dry. A hollow feeling settled into his chest. 

Did all his depressing talk finally push Reigen away? It was obvious that Reigen wasn’t glad to be talking about this, Serizawa could tell that much, he should never have tried to bother him about this. Reigen clearly didn’t care about him. He couldn’t care, or else he wouldn’t have left like that. 

He didn’t even pay for his drink…

Reigen stomach was doing flips. He kept playing over the night in his head, trying to put together what Serizawa had been talking about. But it was far too late for that. You can’t remember something you never listened to. So instead he ended up thinking over everything he did remember. The people dancing together. Looking at Serizawa’s hands. The neon lights dancing in his glass. Serizawa’s lips…  

Reigen shook the thought from his mind.

But there’s no way around it; in that moment, he had wanted nothing more than to kiss Serizawa. And that thought fills Reigen’s stomach with a terrible feeling, not dread or guilt or regret like he should be feeling about this, but something much more dangerous- the warmth of affection. He feels hopeful that he will, somehow, someday, be able to go so far as to hold Serizawa’s hands, maybe even to kiss him. But if Serizawa even knew, even had the faintest idea that Reigen felt that way, and rejected him (as he surely would), it would ruin their friendship. How could they continue to work together?

Reigen felt his stomach churn, though usually he only felt that way when he’s sea sick. But the ground is steady under his feet. Reigen felt completely disgusted with what he’d done tonight. 

**** Part 2 ****

It took Serizawa a lot of fretting and indecision to settle on a good restaurant, but Reigen was determined to let him choose the place - he was the one who suggested it, after all.

Something about how the esper kept glancing at Reigen for approval as he ran through the options over and over didn’t sit right. It reminded Reigen too much of how Serizawa acted when he had first hired him, right after he left- Reigen forced himself not to follow that train of thought to its logical conclusion. Reigen did his best to avoid comparing himself to Toichiro. It never led to a good place.

Eventually they walked down to the restaurant Serizawa had chosen - he had given up on finding the most perfect place possible, and just picked out the nearest place that sold ramen, since that was what he was craving. Reigen wanted to reassure him that any meal tastes good when you have good company- he didn’t want it to be misinterpreted, though.

“So, uh, remember that one guy today with the ugly-ass spirit following him?”

“Yes, I remember.” Serizawa responded simply.

“Wasn’t that thing ugly! It had like- like uh- the face of a monkey!” Reigen pushed his nose flat with one finger to demonstrate, “And the butt of a rat!” He waggled his other arm around behind him, trying to mimic a tail.

Serizawa couldn’t help but chuckle at his antics. “I thought it looked more like a cat with a human face.”

“That’s even worse!” Reigen exclaimed, miming the horrid creature with increasingly ridiculous expressions. “Why don’t clients ever have a nice, cute spirit?”

“If they did they probably wouldn’t want it exorcised,” Serizawa pointed out, “and so they wouldn’t be seeing us in the first place.”

“Oh-” Reigen straightened himself out again, since he was getting some weird looks from passers-by. “Yes, that’s very astute of you, Serizawa-san. Well, here we are!”

They quickly found a table and ordered their dinner. Reigen kept trying to make light conversation, pulling jokes left and right to try and see Serizawa smile, but the esper maintained a dark look about him. Reigen was too scared to ask what’s up, however, so he was glad to see Serizawa eventually lighten up. By the time their food arrived, the two were laughing together.

“Can I get you anything else?” The waiter asked before leaving their table.

That moment changed the whole trajectory of the night. I’m feeling pretty good, why not?

“Yes, actually, I’d like a drink- oh lets see… could I order a lemon sour?” Reigen asked, and the waiter nodded in response, scribbling a note down. “Do you want anything, Serizawa-san?” 

“Oh, uh,” Serizawa seemed caught off-guard, giving Reigen a pointed sideways glance. “No thank you, maybe later though.” He smiled appreciatively, though he was still looking at Reigen strangely.

Reigen knew he wasn’t exactly a big drinker, but he thought Serizawa was acting a bit unreasonable. Reigen didn’t think of the last time they went out to drink together. Though, to be fair, he didn’t remember it.

“So wh-aAOU!” Reigen said, immediately burning his mouth on his food. 

Several of the other restaurant-goers looked over quizzically, but Serizawa, who was more than used to this by now, hardly took notice.

Reigen had begun choking a little as he struggled with his burning mouthful of ramen, and grabbed desperately for a drink. Unfortunately for him, they had already drunk all the water at the table. Reigen silently cursed the too small water jug they had been given. If he choked and died, he would sue this place over their water jug size. Opposite him, Serizawa was eating peacefully.

“Wh-AHhck…” Reigen sputtered.

“It’s not polite to speak with your mouth full, Reigen-san.” Serizawa teased. “Look-” 

“Are… Are you alright?” The waiter was back at their table. The man was looking at Reigen with genuine concern as the choking man’s face turned from pink to red.

His drink! Reigen thanked the heavens that he had ordered it. It quite literally had saved his life. He grabbed it right off the waiter’s tray and gulped it down, then coughed violently, rejoicing the oxygen flowing back into his lungs.

“Ah-heum, coil-ouh… OUhsom- AUGhK- waHAUr?” Reigen’s eyes were watering.

“I… I’m sorry?” The waiter was wondering if he should call an ambulance.

“Could we get some more water, please?” Serizawa translated, not looking up from his bowl.

“Yes! Of course!” The waiter practically sprinted off, and returned a moment later with a fresh jug of water.

“Youugh- ouhd be ashnahmgh ofkouHG esz…” Reigen glared at the water jug, taking it nonetheless and refilling his glass.

“Uh…” The waiter looked desperately at Serizawa for more help, to no avail. “Please, let me know if I can do anything else for you?” He said, still wondering if he should call some emergency service or another, just to be on the safe side. On second thought, the best way to avoid a lawsuit was to not be involved at all. The waiter left as quickly as he had appeared.

The restaurant was bubbling with chatter and glances over shoulders at Reigen; some people were pointing, others chuckling. He stood up, addressing the whole restaurant.

“The show is over, people. I -ahu. Ahem.” He cleared his throat, coughing into his fist, then raised both hands dismissively. “I’m fine.” He took his seat again, looking at Serizawa again. “Sorry for the trouble, Serizawa-san.”

“I wouldn’t expect-” Serizawa said between mouthfuls, “anything less from you, Reigen.” He glanced up to give a warm look as he said his name.

Reigen opened his mouth to respond, but then stopped, blinking. He went back to eating silently, ignoring the blush rising on his face.

The two men sat in silence for a little while. Reigen took another sip of his lemon sour, disappointed that most of it was already gone- he hadn’t gotten to enjoy it at all. Reigen waved over the waiter and ordered another. Serizawa shot him a look, but didn’t say anything.

“So, what I was trying to say-” Reigen started, trailing off as he felt an odd wrench in his gut. He had no reason to feel nervous. This was just two co-workers enjoying dinner together. “...before I was- ah- interrupted , was, what are your plans for tonight?”

“Oh- plans.” Serizawa put down his chopsticks. “I guess, I was just going to go home if you didn’t want to have dinner together.”

The waiter arrived with his second drink, and Reigen thanked him, his eyes still glued to Serizawa.

“Ah, just some R&R?” Serizawa looked at Reigen quizzically. “Rest and relaxation.” He clarified.

“Yes… I suppose.”

Reigen’s stomach flipped. This was normal. They weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary. Reigen took a gulp of his drink. It didn’t make him feel any better, but it was something to do with his hands. He put the glass back down on the table hard enough for their dishware to rattle.

“Would you like to get that drink later then?” Reigen’s mouth was moving faster than his brain. “You know, I sort of offered earlier, and after that whole kerfuffle before, I feel like I owe you one. A drink, I mean.”

“I- um. Wh- what do you mean?” Serizawa’s eyes had lit up, then darkened in a very short span of time.

“I know there’s that bar nearby, we could go there?” Reigen suggested, hating the uncertainty he could hear in his voice. This is the most normal thing people do. Go out and get food and drinks. Coworkers do that all the time.

“Yes!” Serizawa said a little too quickly. “I- um. Yes. I would like that. Very much, actually.” Now it was his turn to blush for no particular reason, not that the other man noticed. Reigen was too busy staring into his noodles with a look of considerable angst. He felt the burning looks of everyone in the restaurant on his back, not that he had looked up to see it.

“Are… are you alright?” Serizawa probed tentatively.

“I, what?” Reigen shook himself out of it, blinking rapidly. “Oh, um. Yes! Yes. I was just thinking of uh- our client from earlier! Yes, I hope she figures things out with her partner.”

Serizawa smiled warmly. “Yes, I hope she and her wife are alright.”

“I’m sure they will!” Reigen boasted. “We give excellent advice after all!”

“And we got rid of the spirit.” Serizawa added.

“Yes, and that too of course. Though that was more you than me, you know my powers are far too much for such a measly thing.”

Serizawa chuckled in that gentle way he had. Reigen felt the ground was shifting under him, like he was at sea.

“Yes, with all our expertise there’s no way their relationship can fail.” Serizawa said.

Reigen agreed vaguely, feeling his face flush again. Why was he such a mess today? He took another sip of his drink, and was disappointed to only find the dregs. 

He looked up at Serizawa, and felt the whole world stop spinning. The way the restaurant’s yellowish lighting hit Serizawa’s face, he was positively glowing. Reigen could swear the man had a halo. And even if he didn’t - Reigen thought If angels exist- they surely look like this. 

“Do I have something on my face?” Serizawa said with concern.

“What? Oh- no, I mean- uh.” Reigen panicked. “Yes! There’s, ah, let me get it.”

Reigen reached across the table and lightly brushed his thumb over Serizawa’s cheek, miming sweeping away a stray eyelash. He noticed that Serizawa’s skin was surprisingly soft. He felt his face flush red.

“There, gone.” He said shortly. His hands were shaking as he tried to settle them in his lap.

Why did I just do that? Reigen screamed at himself internally. Was that just a cheap excuse to touch his face? What am I, a middle schooler?

“Oh- um. Thank you.” Serizawa said, a little confused, but not uncomfortable. “Have you finished?” He gestured to Reigen’s half empty bowl of ramen. It was already cold.

Flustered, Reigen said he was, even though he still felt hungry. Serizawa had finished eating a little while ago and he felt bad keeping the man waiting, especially after he said they would go out together. Not like that! Go get a drink. Reigen corrected himself. We’re two platonic, adult coworkers going out for a drink. Yes. That’s it.

“Should we head off then?” Serizawa suggested. “I can get the bill.”

“No, no.” Reigen insisted. “You’re my employee, it’s my money either way.”

Serizawa furrowed his eyebrows, and opened his mouth to question this logic, but Reigen had already stood up to wave over the waiter.

Reigen had only tripped on the sidewalk twice while walking to the bar- he called that a success, considering how much the world kept spinning. The first time he almost knocked over an old lady, but luckily he didn’t cause any damage.

The second time, Serizawa caught him, and helped Reigen steady himself again- almost like he had been waiting to catch him. It gave Reigen a strange floaty feeling. It felt a bit like a speedboat cutting effortlessly through waves, hardly touching the water. Reigen couldn’t wait to get back to dry land, maybe then his legs would do what he was telling them to.

As they approached the bar, Serizawa paused looking up at the sign. Reigen double checked, and, yep- Twin Fantasy - this was the right place. For whatever reason though, Serizawa wasn’t moving. Sometimes Reigen wondered if he was just bad at reading faces, or if Serizawa’s was just particularly inscrutable sometimes.

“Do you want to go in?” Reigen prompted anxiously. We haven’t even walked inside yet, if he didn’t want to come he wouldn’t have agreed to it, right?

“Yes! Yes.” Serizawa said, snapping out of whatever stupor he had been in. “Sorry, let’s go inside- it looks like there’s still some booths free.”

Reigen’s intestines squirmed like a bag of eels. A booth ? That was the most intimate place in the bar! Serizawa usually likes to sit in the quietest, darkest corner of any room. Reigen reminded himself. It’s just where he’s most comfortable. He doesn’t mean anything by it.

“Better run and grab one before they’re all taken!” Reigen joked. Serizawa didn’t respond. He still wasn’t moving. He wasn’t looking at Reigen at all. He just stared at the sign, sometimes glancing through the window, otherwise being completely frozen.

“We don’t… have to go here?” Reigen tried. He had no idea what was going on. “If you’d rather go somewhere else.” Or, if you just want to go home. He couldn’t bring himself to say the last part out loud. We could go to your place together- No! That’s definitely not something coworkers normally do!

Reigen found himself putting his hand on Serizawa’s shoulder lightly. He had NOT told his hand to do that. What was going on? To Reigen’s surprise, Serizawa didn’t recoil from his touch. 

“No. It’s ok. We can get drinks here.” Serizawa said, finally meeting Reigen’s eye.

“I owe you one, remember? Whatever you want.” Reigen felt his heart skip a beat as Serizawa’s expression relaxed into a fond smile. 

Me. He’s looking at me like that! Reigen thought giddily. God I really am acting like a middle schooler, what’s wrong with me? Reigen knew the answer to that question. He tried not to think about it.

As they finally walked into the bar, some people coming out held the door open for them. Serizawa nodded thanks to them, and Reigen placed a hand gently on his back, guiding him through the door as they squeezed past the kind strangers. Reigen pulled away quickly as they got inside.

What had gotten into him? Why did he keep doing that? Why didn’t Serizawa seem upset about it? In fact, he hadn’t resisted or pulled away from Reigen’s touch at all. Reigen didn’t know how to process this, so he decided not to.

They had to walk across the dancefloor to get to the spot Serizawa had pointed out, and the slowly shifting multicoloured lights made Reigen’s head spin. He felt off balance suddenly and grabbed onto Serizawa for support.

“Woah there,” He said tenderly. Serizawa rested his hand over Reigen’s on his arm. “Are you alright, Reigen?”

“Ye- Yeah.” Reigen said dumbly. He didn’t want to know what his face was doing right now, he just knew he had some horribly embarrassing expression.

“I think we should get you some more water.” Serizawa teased, but he looked at Reigen with such a gentle gaze, Reigen couldn’t protest.

Serizawa made sure Reigen sat down, and went to the bar to order drinks. Reigen watched him from across the room. His head felt fuzzy, and he had this strange sense. It reminded Reigen of the time he ended up on a boat on a stormy day and got completely drenched in seawater and rain- that feeling of cold that goes straight through your bones so that you feel you might never warm up again.

But looking over at Serizawa, Reigen felt his heart warm. Watching how the lights danced over his head and shoulders, the adorable way he combed his hand through his hair as he spoke to the bartender, catching a glimpse of his grin as he laughed over something or another. Reigen wanted to play that moment on repeat forever.

Soon enough Serizawa was coming back to their booth, awkwardly carrying three glasses. Reigen got up, a little shaky, and met him near the edge of the dancefloor, taking two of the cups from him.

“Ah, thank you, Reigen.” Serizawa grinned. “Are you sure you’re okay taking those?”

“Of course.” Reigen said shortly.

He was determined to take the drinks without spilling a drop now.

He focused on holding them steady, and then on moving his feet, and then back on holding them steady-

“Um, Reigen? Are you sure you’re okay?” Serizawa was a few metres away already.

How had he moved that quickly?

Did he use his powers or something?

“You’re going… very slowly, Reigen. Do you want me to take them? It’s alright, I can carry them all.”

Ah, that answers that question then.

“No, I can do it!” Reigen focused extra hard, moving faster this time.

Then, tragedy struck! He felt a drop fall to the floor. Reigen froze, full of grief. He had completely failed his only goal. What would Serizawa think of him now?

“Reigen, please, I can just-” 

“NO! It’s ok!” Reigen exclaimed, ecstatic. He had realised that the drop wasn’t actually split from the glass, it was just the condensation that had dripped down his hand! He was still in the clear!

Filled with confidence, Reigen walked the rest of the way to their table with ease. He triumphantly set the cups down, and plopped onto the seat. 

“See, Serizawa? I did it just fine. I don’t know what you were worrying about.” Reigen boasted.

“Mhmm…” Serizawa said, unconvinced. “Why don’t you have some water, Reigen?” 

Reigen huffed. If Serizawa wasn’t going to acknowledge his terrific achievement, this wonderful feat of bravery he had just performed, what was even the point of it? He gulped down his drink, then paused, confused.

“This is water!” He said despondently.

Serizawa chuckled. “Yes it is!”

Reigen huffed again, scrunching up his face. Serizawa gave him one of his handsome smiles, and Reigen scrunched up his face even more.

“I knew it was water, you said so, but I didn’t think… um….”

Serizawa laughed heartily. “No, it doesn’t sound like you’re thinking at all!”

Reigen poked his tongue out at him. “I’ll have you know I have plenty of thoughts!”

Serizawa nodded, taking a sip of his drink. His expression seemed sceptical.

“Like, I’m thinking right now: What drink did you get? And- hey!” Reigen slapped the table dramatically. “I was supposed to buy you a drink!”

Serizawa chuckled. “You did, Reigen-san. You gave me your wallet, remember? Said I should buy whatever I like.” He tapped the wallet, which was on the table between them.

Reigen blinked rapidly. When did that happen? He couldn’t recall it at all.

“Do you… not remember?” Serizawa said, a tilt of genuine concern in his voice.

“No, of course I do. Don’t be ridiculous. I’m just offended you didn’t order me a drink too. And you still haven’t answered me- what did you get?”

“I think you would like it, actually.” Serizawa smiled, sipping his drink. “Do you want me to order you one?”

Reigen felt his stomach flip. He had asked Serizawa to do that, why did it still make him feel… well, nevermind.

“I um… I would like that.” He said genuinely, catching both of them off-guard. “Thank you.” He added, though it sounded more like ‘thnkfo’ because he had covered his face with both hands.

Serizawa nodded, getting up. Reigen blinked, surprised. Somehow he hadn’t expected Serizawa to go right away. He took the wallet and his drink with him, and Reigen cursed him, he had just had the brilliant idea to sneak a sip of it so he could find out what the heck it was! Serizawa must be one step ahead of him. Reigen glared at him from across the room, that darn evil mastermind.

While he waited, Reigen looked around the Twin Fantasy . There were a few people sitting on the stools near where Serizawa was, and a couple people eating at tables and booths nearby. There were quite a few people on the dance floor as well, and presently the DJ put on a more upbeat song.

Reigen watched a young couple get up from their table, the girl dragging her partner out of his seat and onto the dancefloor. He seemed shy, but she took both his hands in her own and soon the two were dancing together. Reigen felt an odd sense of deja vu. 

Reigen jumped as Serizawa placed more cups on the table. He hadn’t seen him coming back to the table. Serizawa sat back down opposite him, placing the wallet back on the table and pushing Reigen’s glass toward him.

“Here, try it.” He grinned.

Reigen hadn’t really looked at Serizawa’s drink before, so he took a moment to look at his own before he took a sip. It was opaque yellow, in a tall glass, with a slice of lime on the rim. He tilted his head quizzically, it looked like it would be quite sour. He wondered if it would taste at all like his regular order. But when he tried it-

“It’s sweet!” He exclaimed, taking another sip. “That’s so nice, what is it?”

“Oh I don’t quite remember, I think it had ‘sunset’ in the name. I got it because uh,” Serizawa paused to rub his nose- Reigen didn’t notice that this was to cover his blush. “Sunsets usually remind me of your hair. And the bartender said it tasted like mango, and I thought, ‘Reigen would love this.’”

Reigen was blushing too now. I didn’t know he thought of me like that- I didn’t think he thought of me at all…

“Why did you only order one then? Did you want me to annoy you into buying me one?” Reigen teased, ignoring the gymnastics his stomach was doing.

“Oh, um…” Serizawa wasn’t meeting his eye. “I guess I didn’t really think about it that much.”

They sat in silence for a moment, enjoying their drinks.

“Thank you.” Reigen said simply, placing his arms on the table and leaning forward in his seat a little.

“I should thank you, Reigen-san. You’re the one paying, after all.” 

“No, I mean- oh, wait, where did my wallet go again?” Reigen panicked, but Serizawa tapped his arm lightly, pointing to the wallet on the table with his other hand. “Oh, yes, of course.” Reigen said, shyly tucking it in his pocket where he hopefully wouldn’t lose track of it for a third time. Not that he didn’t trust Serizawa with his money, clearly, but he didn’t trust himself not to leave it at the bar. Reigen rested his arms on the table again, and was surprised when Serizawa rested his hand on Reigen’s arm again. Reigen’s heart was racing.

“Yes, well. I was saying… thank you for tonight.” Reigen looked into Serizawa’s gentle eyes. “I’m really enjoying this.”

That came out way more intimate than he had meant it to, but for some reason Reigen didn’t backtrack on it.

“Oh, I- Reigen…” Serizawa squeezed his arm gently. He had the most vulnerable look in his dark eyes. It made Reigen want to-

Reigen stood up suddenly, slamming both hands on the table.

“I uh. Um.” Reigen floundered. You need an excuse, dumbass. Why did you stand up just now? “Do you want to dance?” Fuck! That’s not going to help!

Serizawa stared at him blankly, mouth half open. “Dance?”

“Yes! Dance!” Reigen started to do a little shimmy- it was a bit awkward standing between the table and the seat, but things were wildly out of his control by now. “The music is great right now, we should get out there sooner rather than later!”

Serizawa finally seemed to catch up. “Ah, yes, of course. Well, it’s not something I’d usually do but, if you would like to… yes, I’ll join you.” He stood up also, then paused, tilting his head thoughtfully. “Should we bring our drinks?”

Reigen stopped dancing, his brain wasn’t functioning enough to think and move his body at the same time, and it was already taking a lot of brain power to cope with how adorable Serizawa looked. Reigen was certain he would spill his drink if he brought it with him onto the dancefloor, if not from the dancing then from the general uncoordination that’s been afflicting him since the ground started rocking under his feet.

“Ah, no I’ll just-” Reigen downed it in one gulp. “There, that solves that.” He said proudly.

“Um, yes, I suppose so?” Serizawa said, taking a sip of his own drink, looking at Reigen with a mixture of confusion and concern.

“You need to loosen up, Serizawa-san! We’re here to have a good time, just relax!” Reigen grabbed Serizawa by the sides of his shoulders, shaking him a little. Reigen had a manic look in his eye that did not seem very relaxed to Serizawa.

“Ah- Yes, ok! I already agreed to dance!” Serizawa protested. Reigen stopped shaking him, grinning. His hands lingered on Serizawa’s shoulders for what felt like a millenia to Reigen, but was in reality an imperceptible fragment of a second to the world.

I’m really losing myself now. Reigen thought, trying to squash the panic brewing in his gut. He took Serizawa by the arm and practically dragged the man over to the dancefloor. 

Why does this feel so… ? Reigen had an odd sense, sort of like deja vu, but he was sure this hadn’t happened before. He didn’t think about it too hard. 

Serizawa took a moment to warm up to the dancefloor, but Reigen quickly put his anxieties at ease; next to his wacky dance moves, anyone would look normal. Reigen did everything he could to entertain Serizawa; goofy disco moves, the chicken dance, something he called ‘The Firework’ when Serizawa asked what he was doing, which only made him laugh harder. Serizawa was absolutely glowing, giggling to the point of tears and joining in with Reigen’s silly dance moves where he felt up for it. In an instant, Reigen glanced up at Serizawa and saw again his face framed perfectly by the light, lit up like a halo. He really is an angel. Reigen thought. Or maybe his vision was just getting blurry.

In what felt like an inevitable accident, Reigen swung his arms far enough to accidentally smack another dancer square in the face. After apologising on his behalf, Serizawa suggested to Reigen that they try a different dance, and the sulking man begrudgingly agreed. Serizawa took both of Reigen’s hands in his, smiling at him as he shimmied to the music. With the warmth of Serizawa’s skin, the bright lights stinging his eyes, the floor swaying under him with the rhythm of the ocean and his heartbeat… Reigen felt like he was drowning. But the gleeful look in Serizawa’s eyes: his smile, the whites of his teeth such rarely seen pearls, the gentle but firm grip of Serizawa’s hands; these were his anchors. How could Reigen drown when he had his lighthouse right in his arms?

In my arms? Reigen blinked, forcing his eyes to focus. No, they were still just holding hands. I must have been daydreaming a little. Reigen thought, but that didn’t seem like the right word, not when Serizawa was right here in front of him. This wasn’t just some wild, untouchable idea- it was a very physical reality, just one that wasn’t occurring in that moment.

Reigen suddenly lost balance, tripping over nothing, and once again Serizawa was right there to catch him, holding him steady. His grip on Reigen’s arms felt constricting, and Reigen wriggled away from him. He felt the burning gaze of everyone around them on his back.

“I, uh. I don’t feel good.” Reigen turned to leave, but Serizawa caught his arm, gently pulling him close again.

“Are you alright? What’s up?” Serizawa said softly, his eyes full of care.

That… that’s his way of talking when... He’s using that tone… for me? Reigen’s heart ached. Every fibre of his body screamed that something was wrong, that everyone was glaring at him, wishing he would shrivel up and die on the spot. But Serizawa was still his lighthouse, even through the fog of doubt and pain. I’m being selfish. Reigen wasn’t sure where that thought came from, but he was certain it was true. Serizawa shouldn’t have to look after me right now…

“Maybe we should sit down, Reigen. I’ll get you some more water.” Serizawa started, and his grip loosened imperceptibly on Reigen’s arm, but Reigen noticed as it sent a flood of panic through his veins. 

“No! No. I’m… I’m fine.” Reigen insisted. 

Serizawa gave him a sceptical look. “It’s okay, Reigen, I don’t mind- come on, let’s go back to our table and-” 

“No, really, I feel ok now. I just- lost my head a little.” Reigen pressed.

Serizawa didn’t look convinced. Reigen crossed his arms. He still felt the burning weight of everyone’s eyes on his shoulders. Standing on the dancefloor arguing was almost as bad as- 

Suddenly Reigen’s shoulders felt heavy, but not just with the expectations of everyone in the bar. Now all he could pay attention to was the warm weight of Serizawa’s hands holding him gently.

“What are you doing?” Reigen was trying not to meet Serizawa’s eyes, still sulking. Serizawa was making that very difficult, however.

“If we’re staying on the dancefloor, we might as well dance, right?” Serizawa started to sway a little, and though he didn’t force Reigen to move at all, he soon found himself swaying with him.

Reigen hadn’t noticed the music slowly winding down, but now the dancefloor was made of almost entirely couples slow dancing. We should really sit down. Reigen thought as he unfolded his arms, then hesitated. He couldn’t bring himself to pull away from Serizawa.

“Hey now, I got you.” Serizawa said gently, letting go of Reigen’s shoulders in favour of holding his hands again.

We did this earlier… why does it feel so…. different right now? Reigen questioned, not that he wanted to hear the answer. Instead he squeezed Serizawa’s hands a little.

“Next time we- we should go somewhere else.” Reigen said, not really thinking about what he was saying.

“Next time?” Serizawa parroted. He had a glassy look to his eyes- not that Reigen saw, he was avoiding direct eye contact. 

“Yeah, I don’t… I don’t like it here very much…” Reigen lowered his voice to almost a whisper, not wanting to be overheard, and Serizawa had to lean toward him to listen better.

“Is there another bar you like better? I’m sorry, we should have gone there instead.” Serizawa immediately apologised, but Reigen shook his head.

“I just… the people.” Reigen didn’t know why he was saying any of this. His brain wasn’t keeping up at all now.

“Ah, yes, I prefer quieter places too.” Serizawa agreed.

“No… I just.” Reigen felt his face grow hot. “Nevermind.”

Serizawa tilted his head a little, feeling like he had followed the conversation fine yet still somehow gotten lost along the way. Defeatedly, Reigen buried his face in Serizawa’s shoulder, leaning into his tall frame. He couldn’t see the way this made Serizawa’s eyes light up. Serizawa gently wrapped his arms around Reigen’s shoulders, holding him gently as they swayed to the music together. Neither of them notice, but the rest of the world starts to fall away. 

“Mh lumf ou…” Reigen mumbles into Serizawa’s shoulder.

“Hm?” Serizawa hums. Reigen doesn’t respond, so Serizawa adds. “I didn’t catch that, sorry.”

Reigen lifts his head to speak clearly. “I love you.” He’s slurring his words. 

Serizawa is caught off guard, still staring blankly ahead as they move in unison. He feels the corners of his eyes grow damp.

“I love you too, Reigen, you’re a really great friend, I really missed-”

“No-” Reigen interrupts. “Serizawa, I’m in love with you.”

Serizawa freezes. Reigen moves away just enough to meet his eye, and Serizawa can see he’s not joking.

“You…” Serizawa chuckles a little, disbelieving. It’s not warm like his genuine laugh, this feels hollow and empty. “You don’t mean that. Why would you- why would anyone see me that way?”

But Reigen is very much looking at him that way right now.

Reigen, however, doesn’t seem to hear him. “I know you don’t feel the same, it’s alright. I’m a terrible person, and we won’t be friends anymore.” Reigen is slurring his words quite heavily, and pouting in a way that would usually make Serizawa laugh.

“No, Reigen, I-” Serizawa tries. He feels speechless, but finds himself speaking regardless. “I think-”

“It’s ok, I should probably go home anyway…” Reigen tries to leave again, but Serizawa is holding his shoulders firmly. Reigen feels his stomach drop. He needed to leave before Serizawa could reject him, he had braced himself for it but he knew it would still hurt too much to hear.

“Reigen, I think I’m in love with you too.” 

That wasn’t what he was expecting. “You don’t have to make me feel better, Serizawa, it’s kind of insulting. This won’t affect your job at all, don’t worry.”

“No, Reigen, listen to me.” Serizawa says, exasperated. He’s so rarely pushy that Reigen finally paid attention. “I think I’ve always loved you, since the moment I met you…”

Reigen blushed, remembering how Serizawa had saved his life. He didn’t like to think about that day, but one of the few positives he had taken away from it was the moment Serizawa had rushed out of nowhere to protect him. He’s been doing that from the very start, hasn’t he? Even before we knew each other… Even before I-

“You can’t mean it, Serizawa.” Reigen shook his head, still refusing this version of reality. Serizawa held his hands again. 

“No, I mean it! I didn’t realise it till now because that’s how it’s always been. The more I got to know you the more I admired you, I thought I was just looking for a replacement for Toichiro- and maybe I was to some extent- but now I think about it, I think that’s what this feeling is. I- I’m in love with you. I just, I guess I didn’t realise it till now.” Serizawa had let go of one of his hands to gesture emphatically in a way that - Reigen felt his stomach twist as he realised it - reminded Reigen of himself.

Reigen shook his head, not really trying to communicate anything other than an overwhelming sense of disbelief.

“Really, Reigen, do you think I’m lying?” Serizawa was getting frustrated now, but Reigen shook his head again. “No? Then believe what I’m saying. I do feel the same way, I just, I never imagined before that… someone could see me that way, and… I never considered you of all people might…” He trailed off. 

Now Reigen was getting teary. “You don’t mean it…” He insisted meekly. He didn’t have anything else he could say.

“I told you, I’m not lying!” Serizawa insisted, his anger flaring again, but Reigen hushed him, and Serizawa was caught off-guard enough to pause.

“I mean, what are you even saying? Of course I love you, have you met, well, you?” Reigen was speaking in a soft tone very few people ever heard from him. “Anyone would fall in love with you, you’re so kind and gentle, you’re always there for me when I need someone to rely on. You make my life so much brighter.”

Reigen couldn’t tell if his vision was hazy from all the alcohol in his system or from his tears, but he didn’t care. He rubbed his eyes. When he finally focused on Serizawa again, he saw his expression was so tender and genuine, Reigen didn’t even think. He kissed him.

He kissed him! For a split second, there’s truly nothing in Reigen’s world but Serizawa. Reigen had never felt unfiltered peace and bliss like that before. But the reality came crashing back down on him. That burning weight was on his back again, the pressure of every eye in the room on him. He pulled away quickly. 

‘Did you see that?’

‘What weird people…’

‘Disgusting…’

‘I can’t believe they did that in public . What if there were kids here?’

‘Ew, get a room…’

Reigen could hear the thoughts of everyone in the bar. He didn’t even have to look around to feel them all glaring at him, in fact, he was terrified of looking at anything other than the floor. He had a deeply unsettled feeling that he couldn’t name.

“I-” He mumbled. 

Serizawa hadn’t moved. Reigen couldn’t bring himself to meet his eye. He didn’t see Serizawa’s expression shift from dazed to elated.

“I’m sorry…” Reigen all but whispered, covering his face with both hands. Serizawa’s brows furrowed. “I’m… I’m not acting like myself. Let’s just forget about tonight. I…” He trailed off.

What Reigen had meant by this, of course, was ‘I’ve clearly had too much to drink, I’m sorry that I’ve made you uncomfortable and ruined our relationship. I don’t want to lose you, so could we please put this behind us?’ And he very well might have said that if he was in the right mind to, but unfortunately for both men, that very much is not how Serizawa interpreted his words.

‘I’m not acting like myself.’ To Serizawa, this could only mean that Reigen regretted his actions, that he never would have taken them if he was acting like himself- because of course, he assumed that Reigen had been acting in his best interests up until this point. Reigen was just drunk and confused, he didn’t really mean any of what he said. This realisation hit Serizawa like an arrow straight through the heart. He had known for all of a few minutes that, well, this was something he wanted to have. But to be given the very thing he never knew he needed, only to have it stripped away so unceremoniously right away? That hurt more than he could even begin to express or understand. What Serizawa did understand, though, beyond a shadow of a doubt, was that Reigen didn’t love him, and he never would.

After all, why would he?

“Let’s… let’s sit down.” Reigen muttered.

Silently, Serizawa followed him, though he hesitated for just a moment. He really wants to leave, doesn’t he? Reigen assumed. In reality, Serizawa was about to go back to their booth in the corner of the bar, but was confused as Reigen started walking toward the bar. The esper was far too dazed and upset to protest.

Reigen didn’t ask Serizawa if he wanted a drink. He just quietly ordered two lemon sours. The two sat, not looking at each other, not talking, not touching. Once again, the music started to wind down, and Reigen watched over his shoulder as couples slow danced together. That was us just minutes ago… what the hell happened… The distance between them felt as insurmountable and vast as the ocean.

But part of Reigen isn’t surprised; he knew it was too good to be true. Serizawa just didn’t look at him that way, and it was stupid of Reigen to think that he ever would.

The bartender silently slid their drinks onto the counter. He didn’t comment on the men’s gloomy expressions, but he gave Serizawa a meaningful look- somewhere between concern and pity. Serizawa forced himself to shoot the curious man a smile. He took a sip of his drink. Reigen ran his finger around the rim of his glass, but didn’t pick it up.

Reigen found himself trying to rationalise the situation. Something just didn’t sit right with him, even as much as he told himself that Serizawa hated him for what he did and that this was the end of their relationship - professional and… otherwise. Not that we have much more than that. We’re not friends.  

Reigen felt that strange discomforted feeling again, and he realised it was something he had felt a long time ago. Reigen thought back to his younger self, how that loud, brash little boy became so uncharacteristically shy when he was around that one boy in his class. He remembered, foggily, sitting beside him during break, looking at his friend’s hands and having the strange urge to hold them in his own. Clumsily, casually, little Arataka inched his hand toward his friends’ where he rested it on the cold concrete floor, being careful to move slowly, as though approaching a wild animal that might flee at any sudden movement. Eventually, Arataka clumsily placed his hand on top of his friends, trying to do so under the guise of just leaning on one arm and happening to be so close to him by coincidence. Arataka’s stomach was full of butterflies.

“Didn’t you hear me, Reigen? What are you doing?” A girl sitting with the group giggled.

Another girl pointed at the boys. “Ew, look, they’re holding hands!”

“Gross!” The first girl exclaimed.

Arataka felt his face flush. His friend moved his hand away, and Arataka returned his own hands to his lap.

“We weren’t!” His friend protested. “Don’t be disgusting !”

“Y-Yeah. I was just trying to sit comfortably- the concrete is uncomfy!” Arataka added, trying not to pout.

“You’re so weird, Reigen!” The girls chimed in unison, and broke into a flurry of giggles.

Arataka felt tears prickling at the edges of his eyes. He made some excuse to get up and leave.

Reigen felt the whole sea in his stomach.

Ah, that’s what this feeling is. Reigen returned to the present moment. He felt seasick.

Reigen took a deep sip of his drink. Then another. Then another. And then he downed the rest. As he stood, Serizawa finally looked up at him.

Reigen mumbled something about going home, that he would see Serizawa again, probably, at some point. Serizawa barely heard him. He understood enough to interpret that Reigen was leaving, and all he could respond with was a little wave. Moments later, the door shut behind Reigen. Serizawa turned back to the bar with a deep sigh, staring into his drink, his head spinning.

Outside, Reigen stumbled away from the bar, tripping over his feet. He managed to catch his balance, but this only shoots a pang of regret in his gut as he remembered how Serizawa helped him through the night. He felt his face grow hot, his eyes stinging as his already foggy vision blurred even further. Stop that. He demanded, not that his eyes listened. Crying won’t help anything. Reigen wiped his face on his sleeve. I just have to accept he’s really gone this time. We won’t recover from something like this.

Reigen really wasn’t the type to cry in public. Maybe if there was a reasonable excuse to, like watching a sad movie, or… well, even when he’s alone, that’s really the only time he ever actually found an excuse to cry. He looked up, willing his watering eyes to reabsorb their tears. Now just really wasn’t the time or the place. It’s really not that big of a deal. Reigen convinced himself. I already knew he didn’t like me. Nothing has changed.

Reigen took another step forward and stumbled again, catching himself on a nearby street sign. I’m way too drunk to be out in the street crying. He scolded himself. He really was letting himself get out of control tonight. He forced one of his hands to stop shaking enough to wipe his face. Reigen focused on putting one foot in front of the other, making sure not to trip again. 

I just need to put this behind me.

There’s no point dwelling on tonight, no matter how bad or good it was. Reigen paused. Though, none of it was really good at all, was it? I forced Serizawa to go out with me. I forced him to dance, even when he looked happy he couldn’t have enjoyed it… not in the way I did, at least. And then I- I even- Reigen was hit with a violent wave of nausea, and suddenly he's doubled over, dry retching into the gutter.

I had too much to drink. He shook himself out of it, taking deep breaths. I just need to get home. Alright, that’s it . Reigen steeled himself. No more thinking about him tonight. I just need to… forget about tonight. Yeah. I shouldn’t think about it at all.

Eventually, Reigen got back to his apartment. The first thing he did was dig through his cupboard for something. Eventually he found the bottle way up in the back of his pantry, a green bottle of wine gifted to him by some client or another, a long time ago. He forced out the cork, spilling a little over his kitchen counter, but he hardly noticed. Reigen slumped into his couch, grabbing mindlessly for his remote to turn on the tv. He didn’t adjust the channel, or even really register what show was on. He took a swig from the bottle. The drink didn’t quite taste right, and the smell was a little odd too, but Reigen was far from caring. He stared blankly at the screen in the dark room, sipping from the bottle intermittently. He knew he just needed to keep his mind occupied for long enough to fall asleep, and lucky for him, it didn’t take long. The wine bottle slipped from his grip, falling to the floor with a thud, spoilt wine gluggling out and onto the rug, staining it like a murder scene. The dozing Reigen remained oblivious to this, continuing to snore- he would have quite the mess to clean up in the morning.

Back at the bar, Serizawa was still only halfway through his lemon sour. He didn’t dislike it, but the fact that Reigen bought it for him filled him with such discomfort and glee every time he took a sip that he didn’t feel like finishing it. He pushed the drink toward the edge of the counter, and nodded at the bartender as he stood to leave. Serizawa really didn’t have the energy to call for a cab, so he elected to just walk home- it’s not too far to his apartment, anyway. 

The pavement was unsteady underfoot, and Serizawa felt like he couldn't walk straight. He stopped to lean on a lamppost, staring at the ground, just meaning to catch his balance for a moment. His gut churned, and he tried to force himself to keep moving - he couldn’t be too far from home now.

He took another step forward, but felt his legs buckle. He leaned his arms on his knees, bent over on the side of the road. Serizawa tried with all his strength to straighten up; he just needed to get home, and then-

His body betrayed him one final time, and Serizawa threw up into the gutter. After a moment his muscles started obeying him again, and he coughed, spitting.

“You right there?” A concerned onlooker commented. Their tone didn’t suggest they actually meant to help- and they wouldn’t understand the situation even if Serizawa knew how to explain.

“Y-yeah. I’ll be fine.” Serizawa coughed, finally managing to stand up straight.

The passerby nodded, and continued on their way. Serizawa couldn’t make out what they look like at all through his watering eyes. 

Serizawa didn’t take any time to recover until he got back to his apartment and collapsed in the entranceway as he shut the door behind him, exhausted. The whole room shook. His mouth was full of the taste of acid, and it reminded him of kissing Reigen- how could he have kissed him with the same mouth that now tasted so sour. Why did I let him kiss me? Am I really in love with him? Serizawa’s shelves started to shake around him.. It… it didn’t feel wrong.

Serizawa didn’t follow this train of thought any further. The windows were rattling. More out of instinct than anything, he hobbled over to his bedside, retrieving his umbrella. Well, it’s not quite the same as his old umbrella- the one he lost that day everything changed- but it was similar enough to make him feel safe. Presently, he curled up around it, hardly more than a shivering puddle on the floor, clutching the umbrella for dear life.

After Reigen had given it to him, not long after their trip to the hot springs, he had hid it in the back of his cupboard, having felt very conflicted. On one hand he really appreciated the gesture, trying to replace an item that clearly meant a great deal to Serizawa that Reigen had inadvertently had a hand in the destruction of. But this wasn’t something so sentimental as that- Serizawa’s umbrella, the first one, was a gift from Toichiro of all people. Reigen, mirroring his actions, even unknowingly, was disconcerting. So he had shoved the umbrella in his closet until… Serizawa didn’t like to think about why he had gotten it out again. One day he had the impulse to hold it again, and so he had dug it out, and taken to keeping it by his bedside. It made him feel more secure, though in spite of this he refused to carry it with him outside. For whatever reason he felt this was unacceptable to do. 

Though, right now, he wasn’t thinking about this much at all. His mind was forcibly replaying the events of the night on loop. All the little giggles and touches and jokes and the adorable way Reigen’s eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed and how they danced together- Reigen had actually got Serizawa dancing! He didn’t think he’d ever be the kind of person to dance, especially not in a public place, but he had, and he had loved it! Serizawa was shaking uncontrollably now, his mouth sour as tears spilled down his face. Around him items started falling off shelves, and when a glass of water tipped off his bedside and narrowly avoided smashing over his head, Serizawa finally became cognisant of the effect he was having on the room. He tried to reign in his psychic power, but it was out of control. He hated himself, feeling just like the scared little boy who never left his room that he always thought himself to still be, deep down. 

So, naturally, he went back to what he knew worked. In the most practised and natural way he knew, he channelled all his excess energy into his umbrella. The item glowed with a deep and dangerous purple, and as the energy flooded out of him Serizawa felt a wave of relief, his body finally relaxing. His vision blurred and darkened around the edges, and the last thing Serizawa was aware of was the stinging taste in his throat.