Chapter Text
At 15 nakahara chuuya fell in love.
Disgusting. Just thinking about it gives him goosebumps. But here he is, looking at the brunette like he’s the most beautiful flower he’s ever seen. Dark brown curls and lifeless eyes, you would think he looked like the average adolescent teenager. Not to chuuya. To him, Dazai Osamu is a painting, too delicate to be touched but too alluring to resist.
That’s why whenever he wasn’t looking, he would discreetly glance at him, admiring from afar. It wasn’t hard, considering the younger had one side of his head covered in bandages. It would be so easy for someone to take his life, sneaking up on him wouldn’t be an issue. But chuuya won’t allow that. Not when the brunette's life is his to take. Not when he belongs to him.
That’s why he always stands on his left. Guarding his blind side with his life. God he's pathetic.
He doesn’t even know when this attraction started. He’s never even had a crush. How on earth did he come to fall in love with someone as infuriating and insufferable as Dazai Osamu?!
It’s been a pain, having to bite his cheek every time dazai does something. Literally anything.
Dazai brushes his hair behind his ear?
Fuck
Dazai leans in a little bit too close?
Shit
Dazai praises him as his partner?
Jesus Christ
He wants to crawl into a hole every time he lets out a slight mispronunciation over his little crush. He’s always had trouble talking properly, sure, growing up on the streets does that to some people, but stuttering? Fucking stuttering? Just confess your love right then and there ok.
Despite the slight mishaps, chuuya thinks he disguises his love pretty well. Sure, he gets fired up from time to time and loses control of his feelings, but he never outright gets flustered.
Whenever he feels he’s about to say something stupid, he just stays quiet. It’s not hard.
He's lying of course it is.
“It must be because I love you!”
“The hell?!”
At that moment, chuuya felt like he was going to light up in flames because why was this brat that he Just met 12 hours ago saying he loved him?!
Now he feels like he had a chance with him, and if there is anything that chuuya had learned while living on the streets, it’s that false hope is a dangerous thing. The most dangerous being attachment, which he was quick to find out after his family had stabbed him in the back, (literally) leaving him to die.
He doesn’t know if he even cried. He thinks he did, but he passed out soon after. It’s better that way. That way, he didn’t have to feel the betrayal as much. But he’ll always remember. The wound in the side of his abdomen is enough of a reminder that false hope leads to attachment, and attachment leads to feelings, and feelings lead to betrayal.
But maybe this time is different. Dazais eyes are emotionless, a brown lake, deep enough to drown in yet empty and miserable.
Whenever he looks at chuuya though, it’s as though he’s nothing but a child, normal and carefree. Something that is foreign to their lives.
But he’ll let themselves pretend. At least for a little while as he stares at the him, the pathetic, inhuman monster who is incapable of loving.