Work Text:
"No", Jungsu thought, "this is definitely not happening right now", when he saw the guy who would teach him how to play the guitar.
Jungsu has been wanting to try guitar classes for a while now. He still had the acoustic instrument his ex left behind when they broke up, and he thought it was too nice, too expensive to just throw it away. Never felt like selling it, though. But maybe he should've. Maybe he should've sold it, donated it, even broken it into the tiniest pieces so it would never be the same, ever. Ripping out the Muse stickers was suddenly not enough. Not when he, his ex, Gunil, was in front of him again, after years.
– Hi. - Gunil carelessly started the conversation, before even looking at his new student.
And when he did... he was speechless. The welcoming, usual smile of his dropped, and his lips couldn't hide how surprised he was. Not only surprised, maybe even a little startled. Cat suddenly got his tongue, and he had to reorganize his thoughts before continuing.
– I see you have your own guitar. - he tried to follow the script, even when his voice trembled. – That's great... follow me to the guitar classroom, please. - he turned and started walking, hoping Jungsu would actually follow.
Jungsu was unsure. Insecure. He really just wanted to run away and never visit that music school ever again. Never walk that street again, even. But, instead, he took a deep breath and followed Gunil. He would admit he doesn't even know how he found the courage or strength to walk after his ex.
Now they were alone. In that not too big classroom, the tension between them filled the air, making the space feel tighter. They had to sit facing each other, just like any guitar class, but this one, specifically, felt weird.
– Well. - as Jungsu hesitantly took his guitar out of its case, Gunil continued. – Let me see if it's tuned, first.
Jungsu handed the guitar to Gunil, in a slow and hesitant pace. The damn guitar. Gunil pretended it was nothing, maintaining a very professional posture, tuning it like he was used to do with a lot of guitars every week. Jungsu was trying his best not to make eye contact, but still looking. What a familiar view for him, really. Gunil used to play the sweetest songs in that very same guitar, and seeing him holding it again brought back a lot of memories. A lot of feelings, and moments.
As Gunil finished, he couldn't help but rub the remaining paper and glue where his own Muse stickers used to be.
– I'm sorry. - Jungsu finally said something.
He was quick to apologize when he realized Gunil's eyes looked a bit sad. And of course he realized. Of course he read Gunil's eyes and body language so, so well.
– It's fine. - Gunil gave the guitar back, with a small but genuine smile, kind of avoiding Jungsu's eyes this time. – You were never a fan, anyways.
True.
Jungsu held the acoustic guitar again, and the warmth of other person holding it was there. And not any person's warmth.
– So! - Gunil was very, very professional. – Do you know how to play anything? Any song, or chord?
Jungsu shook his head, and Gunil furrowed his eyebrows.
– Did you even forget that song... - he paused, looking straight at the guitar. – That song you used to practice?
– Hm. - Jungsu gulped. – I'm not confident in playing that anymore.
If Jungsu was just a bit more honest, he would also say the lack of confidence was because he didn't practice it after Gunil left. He didn't even dare to try. He knew the song would bring back memories he didn't really wanted to revive.
Not that they ended in the worst terms. Life did that to them. Gunil was too busy, and Jungsu is too clingy to just be ok with that. They used to meet everyday, then every two days, then every weekend. Suddenly, their schedule was incompatible and they would meet once a month, usually both tired from studying and working non-stop. That was never what Jungsu envisioned to himself, it was exhausting to him.
Gunil didn't seem to care, in Jungsu's vision, about how rare their dates were. In reality, Gunil was trying his best. It was mostly his fault they couldn't meet a lot, so he just tried being the same old Gunil, the one Jungsu fell in love with – that was his true self anyways, so not hard for him. Silly, playful, flirty and passionate. Just Gunil. As they couldn't meet much, he would try to keep his concerns to himself, not bothering Jungsu with anything.
And maybe that was the problem, after all.
Maybe Jungsu wanted to be bothered by his boyfriend's problems. Connection, relatability, realness. He felt distant. Or maybe he was too tired to keep going. Or they were too young. He didn't even know, honestly, exactly why he decided that it was over. Jungsu felt like he ruined everything – and he probably did.
– We can work on that. - Gunil assured. – I know you are a fast learner.
– You're a good teacher. - Jungsu's mouth acted faster than his head, and he widened his eyes when he realized his thoughts were exposed like that.
– But this is your first class. - Gunil teased, softly giggling, as he got a guitar to himself. – Let's start at the beginning first, shall we?
Jungsu just agreed, holding his guitar properly. Gunil's words hit his ears in a weird way. It was soft, home-like, nostalgic. But also so strange, annoying to some level. Somehow distant, but close. Jungsu had to stop and breath so many times while Gunil was explaining the basics to him. He could read Gunil and tell he was not having the easiest time being so polished, but also thought, "how can he just do it?".
The way Gunil tried so hard not to bother or worry Jungsu made him think. "Maybe it doesn't even hurt this bad on him, maybe I'm too sensitive". But that was not true, and only Gunil knew that.
Gunil never moved on. Jungsu didn't, either, but he tried. He got rid of his blond hair, which Gunil used to love and bury his face in. He changed his perfume, which Gunil helped him choose. He would never wear the clothes he wore on their first date. He even tried going out with some other guys, but it didn't work. How could it work, after all? If there was a big scar on his heart. Somehow, the memories were sad. Even the happiest moments would make Jungsu cry. "Why?", he tried figuring out so many times, always blaming himself for not being patient enough.
For Gunil, he looked the same. He had the same black hair, same style, same jokes. The same strong, masculine perfume. He was studying to be a drummer and a drum teacher – which ate all his time – so maybe he was doing both, plus guitar. Probably, same dreams and goals. Same dark circles around his eyes, because he always worked too hard. Same hamster keyring on the same backpack. Jungsu didn't know that, but also same love. He had the same scar on his heart too, and, at the end, him and Jungsu were similar, in a way. Gunil would blame himself too.
A weird song came out of Jungsu's guitar, and Gunil knew exactly what the problem was. He dealt with that everyday, after all. Jungsu, on the other hand, looked startled and ashamed of how bad it sounded comparing to the harmonic chord Gunil was showing him.
– It's common, look. - Gunil spoke as he showed, on his own guitar, where his fingers were pressing. – It's important how you put your fingers on the strings, and how they should press only the strings they sould be pressing, you know?
Jungsu just agreed and nodded, trying to replicate what Gunil was doing. It kinda failed, to be honest. Gunil smiled, not making fun of him, just an understanding smile. A smile he couldn't hold.
– Can I? - he asked as he leaned forward, getting a lot closer to Jungsu in a single move.
It took Jungsu a second to understand that Gunil was asking him to put his hand over Jungsu's, in a way to show how the strings should be pressed, directly. Then, he just nodded, avoiding Gunil's caring eyes.
– I'll accept that, but I really need you to be more vocal, alright? - Gunil wanted to make sure it was not uncomfortable, or anything. – You have a beautiful voice, use it, please. - he added as if it was just any other phrase.
– Ok. - Jungsu could feel his ears burn.
And, in a second, he could also feel Gunil's hand in his. So familiar, but also foreign. Teaching him, being so attentive. Guiding Jungsu's fingers, with his warm, calloused ones.
– Try it.
And it somehow worked. Jungsu was so nervous, having Gunil that close, looking up at him as their hands touched. He couldn't decide if he the feeling in his tummy was closer to anxiety or... butterflies. He couldn't tell, but there was something.
– See! - Gunil went back to his initial place, putting his hands together with a single clap. – This is it. That's D. Once you get callouses, - he raised his hand and showed each one of his rough fingers. – it will be even easier.
Jungsu played it a couple more times, much more confident now, trying to focus on the guitar only. Even that was a bit hard, considering whose guitar that once was.
– Our time is over, for today. - they were actually some minutes late to end the class, but Gunil did that on purpose, enjoying the other's company.
– Oh. - Jungsu nodded one more time, and was quick to store his instrument in its case.
At the end of the class, Jungsu was already feeling a lot better to be around Gunil. Maybe. He secretly hoped he was not just glad the class was over.
– This is your homework. - Gunil smiled as he handed Jungsu some papers. – They are some basic but useful chords. Try practicing them, but it's absolutely ok if you can't play them all by next class, alright?
– Alright... - Jungsu took a brief look at the papers, almost not paying enough attention. – They seem kinda hard...
– You can do it, I'm sure. - Gunil believed those words more than anyone, remembering how much of a fast learner and hard worker Jungsu was. – But don't stress this too much, I can teach you in person next time. You can message me though, if it's too complicated. - he said as he handed Jungsu his own business card, as a music teacher.
Jungsu lightly blushed as their hands touched again, paying close attention to the card in a way not to make eye contact, then quickly storing it in a small pocket on the guitar case. They both walked to the classroom door, Gunil following Jungsu this time.
– I see you next week? - Gunil meant so many things with that simple, quite scripted sentence.
– No... I mean, yes. - Jungsu replied awkwardly, getting out of the room. – Probably. Yes.
– See you, then. - he waved. – I really hope you come back. - this time, in a softer tone, but also lower volume. He meant much more than that.
– Hm, bye. - Jungsu turned around after his short response, unable to say anything else.
As he walked out the music school, so many thoughts crossed his mind. He was still unsure if he should come back next week, and the one after that, and next month too. Jungsu didn't know if that was a good idea, at all. He wished he never sought any guitar classes. He wished he never left his home that morning but, also, at the same time... he was a bit glad.
He looked back for a second, just to see Gunil stretching himself just to watch him walk away. Their eyes met, from afar, and that was more than enough to make Jungsu feel funny things in his stomach. These were definitely butterflies, and he never felt so silly, so fragile. While Gunil giggled alone at the way the man turned away so quickly, Jungsu wanted someone to punch him in the face, maybe that would scare the butterflies away.