Work Text:
Now, it's been months. Jungsu lost count of how many guitar classes he attended, and progress was being made. He was proud of himself, and Gunil was proud too.
The atmosphere became so much lighter as the weeks passed. It took Jungsu a lot of effort and courage, so that he could actually learn something. Just like he could never give a straight, confident answer to why he never got rid of his ex's guitar, he also could never respond to why he didn't look for a different tutor. Not that these questions had no answers, but Jungsu would never tell the truth. It was a bit confuse inside of him, too, like half of him knew why, while the other half denied it.
Gunil, on the other hand... oh, Gunil. It was so bad for him. He really couldn't decide if he wished Jungsu to come every week, or if he wanted to take a break from it all. It took him effort too, not to break his professional posture whenever Jungsu hit the right notes, or learnt something new. His student was always so excited, adorably happy and shy when showing what he practiced through the week. It was making Gunil's heart sick, at this point.
On a small break to rest their wrists, Jungsu couldn't help but eye Gunil's phone as he checked the time. It happened before, undeniably, it was always an innocent accident, but he doesn't think he noticed Pooh's pic as the wallpaper ever before.
– Is that Pooh? - Jungsu uncontrollably asked.
– Oh. - he was surprised. Surprised that he noticed, remembered, asked. – Yeah, look. - Gunil turned the phone properly, showing Jungsu his home screen.
– Oh, my! - he exclaimed. – He's so grown up?! Wow. So cute.
– He is... - Gunil smiled like the proud dog parent he was. – He's fluffier, too.
Pooh was Gunil's dog. He adopted him when he was just a tiny puppy... while Jungsu and Gunil were dating.
– You know, - Gunil spoke before thinking, like his body wasn't connected to his own brain while he looked at the adoring, adorable face Jungsu had on when looking at that Pooh's pic. – If you can go to the park after your class, I will be walking Pooh there. - he paused, noticing what he was proposing. – You can meet him, well, if you want. If you can. I'm sure he misses you a lot.
– Yes! - Jungsu, too, didn't think twice. Not even once. He just blurted out his response without even realizing. Maybe he really wanted to see Pooh, maybe he was very comfortable around Gunil. Probably both.
They smiled warmly to themselves, as if the other one was not around. It was clear to anyone: they enjoyed each other's company so much. It could be a little awkward sometimes, but still so enjoyable.
The end of the class came quick - just as usual, because of how much quiet, subtle fun they had on that classroom.
– Ok, so at what time are you taking Pooh on a walk again? - Jungsu asked as he stored some homework on his case.
It really didn't hit him that he was basically going on a date with his ex. It's not something he really noticed, yet.
– Oh, actually... - Gunil took a significant moment to continue, walking Jungsu to the classroom door as he had a bunch of thoughts in his head. – I'm going now. If you're free. I'll just pick Pooh up and go straight to the park.
– I'm free! - he smiled. – But are you? I thought you had students all day long. - it was a bit of a soft spoken tease, even if unintentionally, but still a genuine question.
Gunil quietly, awkwardly giggled while some memories hit them both. It was just not possible not to look back at the days when Gunil couldn't meet Jungsu at all, when he didn't have time to give him. Memories that hurt, but a little less today, for some reason.
– Don't ever worry about that. - Gunil locked the door to his classroom with a smile, clear indication that he was not coming back that day.
It was not a "yes, I do have students", nor a "no, I'm actually free too", nor any other transparent answer, but Jungsu would take that. Did it even matter, honestly?
Gunil told Jungsu to wait a minute, and so he did. He imagined Gunil had to punch the clock, or something close to that. He never really imagined Gunil was making up an excuse to get off work earlier and leaving a bunch of students without classes that afternoon... that never crossed his mind, even though it was the truth.
The way to the park was easy and light. They didn't talk much, but there wasn't really a need. It was not awkward yet. They parted ways for a moment, just so Gunil could go to his house and get Pooh, while Jungsu would wait for them on the park, with the guitar on its case, hanging on his back.
A familiar park. Jungsu unintendedly chose a bench he used to choose so, so many times before. The city felt way too small when he eyed the small lake where him and Gunil kissed a bunch of times in front of. It looked dirtier than it was years ago, which made him think if that was really the case or if he just romanticized too much as a fresh, young adult in love. "I swear there were many more flowers around," he thought to himself, "but maybe I made it all up".
It didn't take long before a big and fluffy dog jumped over Jungsu on the bench, surprising him a little.
– Pooh, hi! - he caressed the dog's curly fur. – Look at you! So grown up! So cute! - Jungsu's baby voice was out.
In front of the scene, Gunil stood, panting. He couldn't really run as fast as his buddy without losing his breath. He was smiley, though, and looked proud of his dog.
– Told you he missed you. Like, a lot!
Jungsu laughed a little, low key not believing his ex's dog could miss him. Not believing he would even remember about him. But he would hold onto the idea that yes, Pooh did miss him. Because Jungsu, too, missed Pooh. He missed all of this, consciously or not.
As Jungsu finally got to stand up, the three of them started walking around the park. Jungsu tried not to pay attention to that too much, but there was something different. A shift in the air, or something. It was not guitar tutor Gunil anymore... it was just Gunil. No classroom, no script, no need to be professional in that park. It was just silly, passionate Gunil and his so loved dog. Jungsu couldn't help but feel his heart tremble a little. He wished he was not like that, but he was.
Pooh's excitement was palpable. His fluffy tail wouldn't stop wagging not even for a second, he sniffed each and every spot he could reach. It has probably been a while since the last time he walked there.
Gunil wouldn't deny that, if asked so.
To this day, his work schedule was too time consuming. He was kind of lost in his thoughts, contemplating if it was really worth it. Look at everything he was missing out, how many other moments like this one he could have had, if not for his job? He didn't realize before, that ruined it all. Gunil could cry his eyes out if he let himself. He felt an urge to reorganize his whole life if that meant he could have ten others park walks like this one.
Ok, maybe not exactly like this one. Especially this part, where he is numbly desperate looking at Pooh rolling in the mud some steps away from him.
– Oh, that's bad. - Jungsu comments simply and kind of low, but Pooh seems to hear him.
Jungsu would really, really regret opening his mouth when he sees Pooh, now all dirty, but much more energetic with the mess, going right in his direction, almost making him fall.
Jungsu wanted to complain, but could only let out a giggle. He unconsciously decided to let his inner child out, not caring enough about how he was about to smell like a wet dog. Gunil's eyes were still a little lost, but he smiled at it all.
– God. I'm sorry. - Gunil quickly got Pooh off Jungsu.
Now, they're both dirty, wet, muddy. The three of them. They're all the same, now. The dog didn't care, not even for a second, excitedly running around the two men, who would laugh at themselves looking at how messy everything was right now. They were, surely, having a great time. Gunil was a bit desperate just by thinking of cleaning everything up, but it was fine.
– How come you end our walk in less than 10 minutes? That's a naughty boy! - Gunil tried his best to educate his dog, but look at him.
All smiley.
Jungsu didn't help a bit, too. Still quietly laughing at how awkward it all looked. Clearly, no one there was used to the situation. Pooh was definitely not used to walking around. Gunil was not used to scolding his dog. Jungsu was not used to being so heartwarmed.
Gunil tells Jungsu he needs to bathe Pooh, and, for some reason, now they're all in the elevator to Gunil's apartment. Seems like Jungsu is having an impulsive type of day, as he just invited himself to help Gunil out. "Crazy", Jungsu thinks to himself, "barely insane of me".
– I'm sorry, it was ruined too early. - Gunil is still smiling.
– What?
– ...Our walk. Pooh's fault! - he points at his dog in his arms, intending not to make a mud path behind them.
– Oh, yeah. - Jungsu answers, awkwardly giggling.
They're finally at Gunil's, and Jungsu holds his breath for a second.
Gunil's apartment was the same. Not only the address was the same, but everything else, too. The kitchen he once prepared Jungsu breakfast. The couch they fell asleep together so many times. The TV was, at this point, getting old, but it was still there. The light pink carpet, the lamp, the curtains. Even the slightly crooked wallpaper they put up together. The scent of the sweet diffuser Jungsu once picked as a gift. Nothing changed, at all.
Only if those walls could speak... maybe they would tell jealousy-worthy stories about Jungsu and Gunil. Or maybe they would tell why nothing changed. They know it all too well. Know about the sleepless nights, the quiet cries, the gloomy guitar melodies. Know that as much as the memories would hurt, they would also comfort. Comfort. And as much as Gunil couldn't move on, he also didn't want to. Jungsu noticed every detail, quietly, as he found a corner to let his guitar case sit. It blended well with the space...
– Uh, well... - Gunil was, for the first time, ashamed about not letting go. "Whatever", he thought, before quickly entering the bathroom with Pooh still in his arms. – Can you bring Pooh's shampoo? - he talked loudly so Jungsu could listen. – They're in my room, right next to the door. Please.
Jungsu didn't properly answer, but his footsteps would tell Gunil he was heading to his room. A room that also didn't change a single thing. Ok, maybe Pooh's bed was a bit bigger now... but how come it was the same color? The familiar, yet strange, environment was taking Jungsu to a different day, a different year. A different situation. He couldn't decide if it was extremely awkward or just a really comfortable feeling, so he chose to try ignoring it all.
The only thing that actually changed was the absence of pictures they took together up on the walls.
Maybe he was a plus? Just an additional thing? That's why nothing really changed. Gunil could keep his life just the way it has always been, because nothing was about him at all. Of course, he never meant much. That's why. How selfish was it to think his ex boyfriend's life revolved around him? How selfish. How selfish of him to expect their break up would have turn Gunil's world upside down. How selfish. Selfishness, or projection?
– Jungsu, watch out! - he was finally able to wake up from his thoughts as he heard Gunil almost shouting.
In a second, he was on the ground, in the middle of the hallway, with a soaked, joyful dog over him. Pooh made it, Jungsu finally fell. What a mess. Wet dog, clothes, and now house. Jungsu couldn't hold back his laugh as Pooh's puppy kisses tickled his face, lovingly.
From the bathroom door, Gunil laughed even harder, but even more fondly. He didn't even pay attention to the mess Pooh was making everywhere, he could only focus on the cute scene in front of him. One that he never imagined, but now he knew how much he needed it.
Lovesick, hopeless. But, well, good enough.
– Stop, stop! - Jungsu asked repeatedly, words barely making their way out of his laugh. – Gunil!
Both their chuckles filled the whole apartment as Gunil picked Pooh up and ran back to the bathroom, Jungsu following him quickly, with dog shampoo on hands. This time, Pooh wouldn't run away again, door locked.
It was fun. Way too filled with memories, but fun.
Pooh has always been an energetic little guy, but oh, my. He wouldn't stop splashing water everywhere. Gunil couldn't care, though. He was having such a nice, enjoyable time right there. What else could he ask for, really? His dear dog, in his homey home, and Jungsu. Of course, Jungsu.
When the bath was finally over, the most difficult part came: drying and brushing the dog's fur. It took so long, but it was worth it, in Jungsu's opinion, especially.
– Who's soft like a cloud, hm? - Jungsu played with Pooh, babying him. – Who's a very good boy?
Gunil threw himself on the couch, exhausted. Jungsu followed him a few minutes later, finally leaving Pooh alone. He decided to sit on the soft carpet, though.
– Why are you down there? - Gunil questioned.
– I'm all dirty, look at me. - Jungsu turned to look at Gunil. – It's fine, really.
Undeniably, their clothes reflected the mess Pooh made earlier with that mud puddle. Not only that, but bathing the dog was almost a bath, too. They were wet and smelled like dog's shampoo.
Gunil decided not to contest, "whatever he's comfortable with", he thought.
They stayed like that for a minute or two, but the silence made it feel longer. It was not their enjoyable and comfy space anymore, it was not the guitar classroom. It was Gunil's living room, with all the memories. Suffocating memories, at least on that apartment, that's how it felt, especially to Jungsu.
Gunil chose to live with the memories everyday. Kind of.
It's just that he didn't have the courage to change a thing. He didn't have the force to do so. Gunil felt so miserable, he wouldn't dare to let go of anything that reminded him of his still loved ex.
They both felt the height of the tension in the air.
– I'm sorry, it was ruined too early. - Gunil wasn't smiling this time. Jungsu couldn't see it, but he knew.
– What? - he questioned, but didn't look at him.
– Us. I ruined it too early. And I'm sorry.
For the first time, all these months, they were talking about them. For the first time, they were not acting like nothing happened.
Jungsu froze. Both their mouths were shut, but Jungsu's thoughts were so loud in his mind that he could swear he was shouting without even realizing.
– You don't need to be ok with all that. Don't need to forgive me, or something. - Gunil was getting worried about ruining it again. – I just really needed to properly apologize and...
– Ok. - Jungsu interrupts. – Don't worry about me. I was impatient, also. It's my fault too. - he was a bit numb.
"I meant nothing, anyways", "he didn't care, why apologizing?", "I felt neglected", "this won't make things any better". Jungsu's mind would not shut up.
– No. - Gunil is quick to defend his point. – You deserved way better than what I gave you. And... - he took a deep breath, thinking if he should go on, but he did. – And I think about that everyday. About what I could've given you. What we could've had. I wish I could make things work back then.
Jungsu low key feels his own eyes getting teary, looking out of the window.
Golden hour.
Pink and orange filling the window view as if it was a framed painting.
Dramatic.
Romantic.
Gunil never takes his eyes off Jungsu, waiting for an answer, a reaction. Or nothing. He was ok with nothing. But something would be nice. Jungsu, though, was lost and almost anxious. He didn't realize looking around the living room was a bad idea until his eyes laid on Gunil's. Gunil's expressive, deep brown, and, now, sorrowful eyes. Genuine eyes.
Gunil had no trouble on locking his eyes on Jungsu's, and as much as Jungsu wanted to look away, as much as he wanted to scream and get off that situation, he couldn't, immersed. Their pupils would tell stories, they would speak for themselves. They would talk to each other, wordlessly but loudly. Jungsu would finally understand how desperate Gunil was, he just expressed that in a different way. Different from his own.
Neither of them moved on, and, God, it was dangerous.
Jungsu feels uneasy as he blinks a couple of times then gets up, breaking the invisible thread holding their eye contact.
– I should go. - he hurriedly gets to the door.
Gunil follows right after, a little dizzy from Jungsu's eyes. They don't even get to say 'bye' as Jungsu goes away, closing the door to Gunil's apartment, being out of sight faster than ever.
"I probably ruined it one more time", Gunil thinks as he looks at his own door shut.
Jungsu is right there. On the other side of that door. Waiting for the elevator, this time, alone. Alone with his thoughts, his feelings. Feelings that never died. And now, more than ever, they were very alive.
The doors to the elevator open when Jungsu realizes: he forgot his guitar.
He wants to shout at himself. "Dumbass!", he thinks instead, then watches the elevator closing again, empty. He wishes his mind was just as empty. And he is going back to get his guitar...
The damn guitar.
He looks up to the ceiling, then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He gulps and turns around, directing his steps to Gunil's door. He starts thinking he was so childish to walk away. He is acting so, so immaturely. So he put on a facade then knocks.
The door opens in no time. Gunil didn't even move while Jungsu was outside, so he was pretty close to the door. He hopefully waited for him to come back, too.
– Forgot my guitar. - Jungsu's words are fast.
Gunil doesn't speak, he just lets Jungsu enter through his door once again. Things are weirder than ever, their scars could be bleeding right now. Jungsu takes the guitar case quickly, then rushes back to the door. No ceremony.
– That's it? - Gunil asks.
– What?
– Just. The guitar. Did you get everything? Are you forgetting anything else? - now it's Gunil's eyes that seem lost.
Jungsu feels like everything has a double meaning now. Everything. Every sentence, action, question.
– I... - Jungsu hesitates. – I don't know. - he sighs.
Gunil gives him all the time he needs to be, once again in that day, impulsive. He feels one of Jungsu's hands on the back of his neck, then a breath really close to his own. Gunil's eyes widen, he was never expecting anything like this.
A mix of emotions floods both of their insides. Love, pain, insecureness, comfort. And everything in between.
– Don't make me regret it... - Jungsu whispers before he shut his own mouth with Gunil's lips.
They kiss.
It starts slow and almost awkward, but they quickly make a rhythm of their own. Their lips connect perfectly, like they were made to each other. It's still bittersweet.
Jungsu breaks the kiss, facing Gunil who still has his eyes close.
– ...You're crying? - Jungsu is perplexed as he sees Gunil's eyelashes wet.
Gunil grabs all his courage before opening his eyes. He played it cool and strong, but he was not. He was emotional. He promised himself, back in the day, Jungsu would never see him cry. It was a broken promise now.
– I just... - he opens his eyes, but still can't stare at Jungsu. – I never really stopped loving you, Su. And I thought I would never have this again. And if you think it's corny and dumb I would understand but it's my truth. And...
– I just kissed you. Stop. - Jungsu grabs the shorter man's chin lightly, and he can finally look at his glistening eyes.
They stay like that for a while, there is not really a need to do anything else in that moment. Surely, they should talk, because miscommunication made a way too big of a mess already. But, for now, only that was fine. It was good.
– I missed you. Like, a lot. - Gunil murmured in a low, soft voice. Jungsu small smiled as a way to say "me too", before Gunil continued. – Much more than Pooh did, actually.
Jungsu lets out a quick giggle, then wraps his arms around Gunil. He lets his own chin rest on Gunil's shoulder as he feels a hug back.
His heart is full, but trembly. He wants it, but he is insecure. Unsure of the future, but willing to give it a try. He still feels the pain, but he wants to heal.
Heal together.