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Amanda walked into the squad room, dropping her bag and keys onto her desk, her eyes falling on her chipmunk, safe in its dome. She’d been fully reinstated with SVU for a few months now and sometimes it still didn’t feel real. Almost a year ago, she cleared out her desk and left that chipmunk behind; she’d traded her badge and gun for a desk job.
She didn’t think she’d be back. Yet at the end of September, she had traded that cushy desk job for her gun and badge back.
Just with some conditions this time - one of those being as normal of hours and Olivia could allow her and few middle of the night wake up calls. She loved her job and she was glad to be back - more than glad actually - but she was putting her family first whenever she could.
A hand appeared in the peripheral, placing a to-go coffee mug on her desk. “You might need this,” Velasco said as he walked by, stopping by his own desk in front of hers.
“You think I can’t do my job without caffeine?” Amanda quipped, but she was grateful for the coffee nonetheless. Even with her husband, life with three kids under ten - one of which being a baby holding her sleep schedule hostage - was kind of chaotic.
Not to mention, the case they’d caught was a fucking mess, one of the worst ones since Amanda had been back. They’ve been running in circles for the better part of a week now, not being able to make anything stick.
Then they got a hit yesterday, connecting this rape to a slew of ones in Chicago, and a couple more in surrounding states on the way to New York - which meant they were probably dealing with a serial; but it also meant more bodies.
“Gotta keep you sharp,” he pulled out his chair.
Amanda glanced at him. “Thanks.”
“And I hear this is about to be a joint task force. I know how you can feel about those.”
Amanda rolled her eyes. In the past couple of years, she’d hated most of the squad team ups they’ve had; the FBI agent two years ago who spent more time flirting with her than doing his job during the Navarro case still made her skin crawl, there was the awkward team up with the hate crime unit, the detectives on the Homicide unit annoyed her.
But she didn’t hate all of them. She didn’t mind working with Organized Crime, especially now that she’d come to actually know Stabler. Working with this particular unit was always fairly pleasant.
“This one won’t be that bad,” Amanda said, slipping into her chair.
Velasco just raised an eyebrow.
“We’ve worked with them before… Quite a bit actually.”
As if on cue, the sounds of footsteps had Amanda turning towards the direction of the elevator. Fin walked in, followed by what looked like a pissed off Hank Voight - though if Amanda was being honest, she would guess that’s just his normal expression.
“Sergeant Voight, you’re here,” Olivia commented, stepping into her office, shaking hands with Voight.
His gruff voice filled the squad room. “Could be under better circumstances.”
“You already know Fin and Rollins…Detectives Bruno, Velasco and Officer Churlish.”
Voight made his own introductions. “Detectives Atwater and Upton, Officer Ruzek.”
Amanda’s eyes immediately went towards Hailey Upton, remembering their long conversation in Molly’s the last time they worked together, their short text conversation updates here and there in the two years since. She looked rough and Amanda knew it didn’t have everything to do with their case.
The next twenty minutes was filled with each team catching each other up on what they knew about their cases.
“You know, one time we’ve got to meet without a case hanging over us,” Adam commented, walking forward and leaning against Amanda’s desk.
“Maybe you’re just bad luck,” Amanda quipped, smacking his leg with the pen she held.
“She’s got a point, Ruz.” Kevin added, coming up behind him
“Is this gang up on Adam day?”
Kevin slapped him on the back. “How is that different from any other day?”
“You wound me, Atwater.”
Amanda laughed. The one thing she appreciated about the group from intelligence was the camaraderie not much different from SVU’s - the light teasing, how the team seemed to actually care about each other as opposed to just tolerating and working together.
“I see congratulations are in order, Detective Atwater .”
“Been a long time coming,” he said, before slipping away and heading towards Fin.
She turned towards Adam. “Are you next?”
“That used to be the goal and maybe down the road it still will be; but right now, I’m fine just being in intelligence, whatever my title is,” he told her honestly. “I’ve been focusing on some other things right now…I’m sure you can relate,” he added, glancing at the photo on her desk.
Amanda smiled as she turned her head towards the photograph Adam was referring to.
Amanda was in a hospital bed, Jesse curled into her side, Billie sat between her legs with Amanda’s arms around her, holding a tiny blue bundle. Carisi sat on the bed, gazing at the four of them.
It was taken shortly after their son was born and Amanda didn't even know Serafina had taken the picture after dropping off the girls until she’d printed it off later and given it to Amanda. The five of them were so enthralled with one another, as if they were the only ones on earth - in their own little bubble.
The amount of love and warmth in her husband’s eyes still made her weak in the knees; their little family that they’d fought like hell to have, one she knew believed she was deserving of was her favorite thing in the world - so the picture had lived on desk since she’d returned.
“How is Mak?” Amanda asked, looking back up at him.
He smiled, lighting up his whole face. “She’s great…really great, doing well in school. Happiest kid I’ve ever seen.”
Their conversation flowed freely after that, it seemed that once you got Adam talking about Makayla, he didn’t shut up - him telling her all about a tea party he got invited to last week and all the drama between the stuffed animals. He moved his hands as he talked and Amanda couldn’t help but notice the colorful polish that adorned his fingers and she smiled; it being very reminiscent of two little blonde girls doing the same thing to Sonny.
“Hailey, you okay?”
She hadn’t meant to corner Upton, Amanda knew from experience how annoying that was; but when she saw the younger detective slip into the break room, she jumped on the opportunity to speak to her alone.
“Fine.”
Amanda raised an eyebrow as she took in the younger woman. Sure, Hailey said she was fine; but Amanda was all too familiar with that tone of voice, the tense body language - hoping if you just ignored something, it’d go away. “You’re sure?”
Hailey just shrugged. “Not really… but we’ve got a case.”
Amanda glanced through the window overlooking the squad room; Olivia talking to McGrath and Voight in her office, Kevin and Fin were running through CCTV footage. Velasco and Churlish had gone back to the morgue to see if they missed anything.
At that moment, McGrath stormed out of the Captain’s office, Olivia and Voight on his heels.
“Rollins, Upton!” He barked, his voice carrying through the open door of the breakroom and pulling the detectives back in the squadron. “Since you two seem to like standing around; the task can fall to you,” he turned back to Liv. “Fill them in.”
Hailey crossed her arms and Amanda glared as McGrath crossed the squad room, heading back towards the elevators.
“Well he’s peachy,” Hailey said under her breath.
Amanda just barely bit back a laugh as Olivia and Voight sent them after a suspect - one John Coleman that an undercover vice cop had picked up. Amanda grabbed her keys from her desk drawer and blazer from the back of her chair. “Believe it or not, this is one of McGrath’s better days.”
The look Hailey gave Amanda had her laughing again.
As it turned out, John Coleman wasn’t talking and he was running Bruno and Atwater in circles. Amanda, Sonny and Olivia stood in the observation room watching the wild goose chase.
“I can’t work with this. There’s no way this guy is meticulous enough to have pulled this off,” Sonny seemed more frustrated than any of them. “And this guy barely fits the profile Amanda drew up.”
Olivia shook her head. “McGrath has been on our asses with this and I’m just trying to placate him in the meantime.”
“I just need something to stick,” Sonny complained, glancing between Amanda and Olivia.
“We’re trying, counselor,” Amanda responded, releasing a sigh.
Sonny pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, I know. It’s just —“
“Frustrating.” Olivia finished for him. She stepped away, leaning against the opposite wall. “I thought this might be easier once we looped in Chicago.”
“Well he hasn’t asked for a lawyer yet,” Amanda pointed towards the interrogation room. “Want me and Upton to take a crack at him?”
“Have at it,” Olivia said. She pushed off the wall, knocked twice on the window signally that Velasco and Bruno were done and walked off.
Sonny turned to Amanda when Olivia was gone.. “I wasn’t trying to blame you —,”
“I know Dominick,” she cut him off almost immediately, using his actual name to make sure he heard her. “You’re frustrated with this case, not me.”
They were long, past the days of taking things out on each other, much better at communicating now, better at not taking work home with them, not letting it bleed into their personal lives.
“Hell we’re all frustrated .” She reached out, grabbed his bicep and squeezed. “I’m not taking it personally.”
Sonny gave a small smile but with the exhaustion with the case and a new baby,it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Just gotta make sure ya know.”
Amanda met his gaze and nodded. She probably would have responded if footsteps hadn't pulled them out of their bubble.
“Hey, Sorry to interrupt,” Hailey said, walking up. “But Benson said we’re going in the box.”
Maybe it was how well they worked together, playing off each other, maybe it was the southern charm Amanda may or may not have played on a little too much, but they broke John Coleman a little bit. Whereas before he wasn’t talking at all, now he was claiming he knew something; but he wasn’t talking without a deal.
Whether or not he did know something, or even if it was worth anything - it did give Carisi something to do besides pacing around the precinct or his office.
“It’s not really anything,” Amanda said, leaning back against the shelf in Olivia’s house.
“Seems like more than we had before,” Hailey offered from her seat in front of Olivia’s desk.
“Maybe it’ll lead somewhere, given I can figure out some kind of deal with the eighth floor” Sonny picked up his briefcase and made his leave.
“In the meantime,” Amanda told Olivia. “Upton and I are gonna step out for a minute.”
Hailey seemed taken aback. “We are?”
“Our earlier conversation,” Amanda told her with a raised eyebrow.
Olivia glanced back and forth between the two blondes, sensing what was wordlessly passing between them. “That’s fine - we can hold down the fort for a while.”
“Does this have anything to do with Jay?” Amanda asked after the waitress had dropped off their food.
Hailey scoffed. “Am I that obvious?”
“Ruzek and I still talk. He’s kind of kept me in the loop on what's gone on at the 21st. I know Jay left,” Amanda added that last part softly.
Hailey picked at the fries on her plate. “Some shit went down last year and Jay left the force, claiming he needed to find himself.”
“I assume it was some not quite legal shit?”
Hailey just raised an eyebrow.
“I’m well aware of how Voight operates. Well, not fully but I can fill in the blanks,,” Amanda took a sip of her drink. “He even tried to pull some cowboy shit up here the first time our teams worked together.”
“At first I was fine with it; because that Jay; whoever he was back then, wasn’t the man I married,” Hailey leaned back against the booth. “And if he needed to go away to get back to himself, I was going to find a way to be okay with it. It was only supposed to be eight months.”
”It’s been a year though.”
“16 months,” Hailey sighed. “He started dodging my calls and he didn’t even tell me he extended his leave…. Then he just shows up back in Chicago, a few weeks ago,”
“And you haven’t talked?”
“I’ve been pretty much ignoring him since he’s come back,” Hailey admitted. “Claiming it’s been because of work; but really I don’t know how to.”
“And then you jumped on a plane to New York,” Amanda stated, reaching for her drink.
“Just like me to run from my problems.”
“No judgment here,” Amanda assured her. “I know that all too well. I think I wrote the book on running from your problems.”
“I’m not just hiding from Jay… I still have a job to do and these girls, they need this solved.”
“You’re a good cop, Upton. Just don’t let this job consume you…Throwing yourself into your work and pushing people away isn’t the healthiest coping mechanism.”
A small laugh escaped Hailey’s lips. “No offense but you sound like a therapist.”
Amanda smiled. “Then I guess my years of therapy are paying off.”
When Hailey and Amanda returned to the 16th, it was the liveliest Amanda had seen it since the Ohio case back in May. Fin was on the phone, Adam and Bruno were filling out a new white board someone had dragged out, Kevin and Velasco were conversing with Olivia and Voight.
Even Sonny was perched on the edge of Amanda’s desk.
“Did we get somewhere?” Hailey asked as the two of them walked further into the squad room, Hailey moving to glance at the whiteboard, Amanda coming to a stop next to Sonny.
“This goes way deeper than just Coleman, ” Velasco explained. “We happened to stumble across a rape for hire network.”
“Coleman gave up that information along with other known associates for a leniency deal,” Bruno said, continuing writing on the board. “Though he claims to not know anybody higher than him.”
“We’re working on an op that can hopefully catch someone else,” Kevin explained. “Somebody's’ gotta know something.”
“So basically we just need some ‘bait’,” Hailey crossed her arms. “I’ll do it.” She turned to look at Olivia. “If that’s fine with you, Captain. It is your call.”
That was how Amanda found herself in a surveillance van with Adam and Kevin the following night with eyes on Hailey, while Fin, Bruno and Velasco were in a separate one with eyes focusing on Churlish. Maybe someone somewhere was looking out for them; because their undercover op thankfully led them to two other low lives; which would hopefully get them somewhere.
“All in a night’s work,” Churlish commented as Velasco shoved one of their perps into the back of the squad car.
Amanda gave the younger officer a once over. “You’re alright, though?”
“Guy didn’t even touch me… Bruno and Velasco stepped in at the right moment.”
Amanda turned to check in with Hailey, making sure she was alright; before sending her and Churlish back to the precinct. She turned to the boys and tasked them with getting their perps back to the precinct to start the interrogation. Amanda got the rest of the scene wrapped up all while she saw Fin out of the corner of her eye, standing to the side, watching with a smirk on his face. Though she didn’t say anything until they were walking through the precinct.
“What?”
“You’re good at this,” Fin stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Amanda just rolled her eyes. “Is this another subtle hint at getting me to take the Sergeant's Exam?”
“I ain’t trying to rush you Rollins; but my retirement date gets closer every day. And like I told you before Liv needs someone good when I’m gone,” Fin said, holding up his hands. “The paycheck is fairly nice too.”
“I’m not doing this job for the money.”
“I didn’t say that; but you have three kids now. And none of your conditions have to change if you become a Sergeant,” he added before walking away.
His words stayed with her as she stepped into Olivia’s office later when they were back at the precinct. “We got two more perps, hopefully one of them knows something.”
Olivia looked away from her laptop and took off her glasses. “The guys starting the interrogations?”
Amanda nodded. “I sent Velasco and Ruzek for one and Atwater and Bruno for the other one. It’s just another waiting game now.”
“In the meantime, why don’t you head home.”
Amanda didn’t have to be told twice, she would sure Jesse and Billie were asleep; but Sonny was definitely waiting up for her. “Yeah, okay.”
“I hope it’s late.”
Amanda raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t want to see you until mid morning,” Olivia told her. “After you’ve gotten the girls to school.”
Amanda smiled. “I got you, Captain.”
She found Sonny sitting on the couch, with their son swaddled against his chest. Frannie curled up at their feet. Amanda kicked off her boots by the door and walked the rest of the way on socked feet.
“Hey,” Sonny whispered, turning his head towards her.
“There’s my two favorite boys,” she leaned down and pressed a kiss to Sonny’s lips, followed by one on their son's head.
“Just waitin’ for one of our favorite girls,” Sonny tossed back. “Though Nicky finally went down right before you texted that you were heading home.”
Amanda settled into the couch next to him, reaching over to run a hand over their son's head. “I hope he didn’t give you too much trouble.”
“No more than usual,” he paused for a moment. “This time it was Billie.”
Amanda remembered his texts from the afternoon. “She’s glued to your hip again.”
Right after Nicky was born, Billie had almost been glued to Sonny’s side - reminiscent of her toddler days. Though she’d let up a little over the last five months, she still had her days.
“Just a little.”
“Our life is kind of crazy isn’t it?”
“I know exactly what I signed up for, Amanda.” He glanced down at the bundle in his arms. “And I wouldn’t trade it.”
“Good,” Amanda leaned her head against Sonny’s shoulder. “Cause I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.”
Sonny pressed a kiss to her head. “Somethin’ else on your mind?
“Fin dropped hints about the Sergeant’s exam, again.”
“It did seem like a dream you were chasing.”
“That was before, ” Amanda told him, pulling her head away and turning to face him.
“And it doesn’t mean it can’t be back on your radar again. Just somethin’ to think about,'' Sonny responded. “You know, I’ll back you whatever decision you make just like I always have.”
Things were finally starting to look up with their case when Amanda walked into the precinct the next morning to them finally getting a name of the man behind the network - albeit from a favor Olivia called in from Jet to find out what his real name was after their low life’s only gave them the name Vex.
The problem would be trying to track James Walter down.
And a problem it was; but by the end of the week - they finally had him in custody. Though it was Chicago custody - thanks to Burgess and Torres. They also ended up with most of his known associates in custody as well. Now they’d have to wait for him to be expedited from Chicago to New York.
With their victims' testimonies, the evidence stacked against him and his own lackeys turning against - the case should be a bit of a slam down for Sonny when he’s able to get James Walter in the courtroom.
“That was… rough,” Hailey said, watching as the last of their aspects were led out in handcuffs. She turned towards Amanda. “And you all do this every single damn day.”
“It takes a special kind of cop to work special victims,” Amanda told her honestly. “Not everyone is cut out for this job.”
“How do you unwind after something like this?”
Before, Amanda had plenty of unhealthy coping mechanisms - especially when her addiction had her in a vice grip. Now at least she had better ones. “Depending on the case, we’ll all go out for a drink. Most of the time, I go home, hug my kids a little tighter and remind myself why I’m doing this.”
“It’s all in the people you surround yourself with huh?”
Amanda nodded. “I don’t think you can do any version of this job without a support system…If you’re up for it, you can come over for dinner, with everyone else.”
“Alright.”
“Though just a fair warning, it may be a little chaotic.”
That was how Amanda and Sonny found their house filled with Velasco, Fin and Phoebe, Hailey, Adam, Kevin, Olivia and Noah. It was something how a single invitation could have extended to so many people - but also served as a reminder or just how many people Amanda had in her circle.
“Your nails look like daddy’s,” Jesse said, glancing up at Adam. .
“I have a daughter right around your age,” Adam told her, kneeling down to her level. “It’s one of her favorite pastimes.”
“Boys should have pretty nails too,” Billie threw in.
Adam smiled. “Exactly.”
“Girls give him some space,” Amanda told them.
But Adam just waved her away even though they’d all but bombarded him as soon as she’d let him in the house, wondering who he was. “They’re fine, Rollins.”
“You know, if you wanted to take the Sergeant’s exam. You could.”
Amanda sighed as Olivia stepped up beside her. “ Fin tell you that.”
Olivia smirked around her wine glass.
“Liv, I just came back to work. And no offense if one more major life change happens in my life, my head may explode.”
“It’d just be a title change and even then the exam is still a few months away,” Olivia said, simply. “Technically new Sergeant's are supposed to start out on patrol; but I didn’t, Fin didn’t. I can pull whatever strings I need to in order to have you stay at SVU.”
Amanda turned towards Olivia. “You really think I could do it?”
Olivia placed a hand on Amanda’s shoulder. “When Fin leaves, there’s no one else I’d want besides you. The two of you have been the ones I know I can always count on.”
Amanda felt tears at the corner of her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. She took in a breath, the Sergeant’s exam had been something she’d been thinking about for a while, until she’d gotten shot and left the force… but now that she was back and Olivia being so damn sure about her maybe it didn’t seem so crazy anymore.
“You know, there was a time when I’d never thought you’d say that to me,” Amanda said.
“We’ve come a long way these past twelve years.”
“I’m not saying no but I’m not saying yes right now,” Amanda started, glancing towards the kitchen, where Noah stood, helping Sonny, baby strapped to his chest. “I’ve got to —“
“Talk to Carisi,” Olivia finished for her.
Well they needed to have a slightly more in-depth conversation about it, then a sleep deprived one in the middle of the night; hash out what it would mean for their family, figure out how to go from there.
“I’ll let you know after the Holidays for sure though,” Amanda promised.
“I’ll be waiting,” Olivia said, stepping away just as Hailey walked up. “And I’ll let you two talk.”
“You know, I’ve got to thank you for this,” Hailey waved her hand at the cops and kids that littered Amanda’s living room and kitchen.
“It’s nice to be reminded of what you have every so often.”
“If we were back in Chicago, I probably would have just drowned my sorrows alone at a bar,” Hailey admitted. “Though not Molly’s; one where nobody from the district would know where I was.”
“Yeah, I’ve been there too.”
Hailey stood there as if she was deciding what to say. “I think I’m gonna try and make more of an effort when we go back home. With Jay. Even though I still don’t know how to even broach it or if it’s worth it.”
“Do you love him? Even after everything.”
Hailey didn’t even hesitate. “More than anyone else in my life.”
“Then it’s worth it,” Amanda told her with a smile “After everything you’ve been through, you deserve to be happy, Hailey. And if Jay’s the one, don’t let it slip through your fingers like I almost did.”
They lapsed into silence that was only broken by Amanda calling for Billie to not try climbing Kevin like a tree, causing everyone milling about to break into laughter.
“She really is living up to the chaotic middle child that she is,” Amanda commented, shaking her head, but laughing.
“Cute kid though,” Hailey responded, glancing around. “Cute kids really.”
“They look and act just like me,” Amanda glanced towards the kitchen. “Though I’m hoping I’m just two for three in the looks department anyway.”
Ever since they found out they were having a boy, Amanda would be lying if she said she wasn’t picturing a little boy that was the spitting image of his father, dimples to match.
“I never thought I’d get here though,” Amanda told her honestly. “I never imagined being the marrying kind with the kids and the damn house with the picket fence and a dog.”
“You’re here though.”
“Fought like hell to get here. And I’m not saying you need to house or the kids to be happy; but if Jay makes you happy -
“Don’t let him go,” Hailey finished for her. “Sounds easier said than done.”
“I didn’t say it would be easy, but life has a way of working out exactly how it’s meant to.”