Work Text:
“I don’t know… I think I might fall.” Ichika’s hesitant but her face is set in a determined line. Kaneki knows how precious this moment is, knows how sacred it is. He never learned to ride a bike until much later in his life. This morning, at Ichika’s insistence, he took the training wheels off her bike.
“You won’t. I’ll be right here until you get the hang of it.” Her little hands wrap around the handles tightly until she's white-knuckled. Kaneki can tell she’s nervous. Her breath shakes. “You scared?”
“N-No!”
“It’s okay to be scared.”
Ichika frowns, stubbornly unconvinced. “Where’s mommy.”
“She’s with Kazue.”
Touka gave birth to their son two months prior. Kazue’s a colicky baby. He cries a lot and is extremely fussy. It’s been hard to manage, and Ichika likes to pretend it’s all fine, but Kaneki knows it’s not. He can tell she doesn’t love having a sibling nearly as much as she says she does. He doesn’t know if he should be proud of her for trying to be strong, or worried that she’s already trying to hide her feelings for some perceived greater good. She’s already too much like him.
“Kaneki!” Touka shouts from the porch. Kaneki turns to face her, Touka looks so tired. They both are these days.
“Hinami's calling, and Kazue’s crying, can you try and calm him down while I get this. I’m sorry.”
Kaneki looks to Ichika with an apologetic smile. “I’ll be back before you know it, okay?” Kaneki says, and though he sees the hurt flicker across his daughter’s face he doesn't see Ichika as she hobbles off her bike and storms into the house moments after he's left.
He feels guilty for leaving Ichika so he tries to make quick work of things.
First, he rushes into Kazue room and takes care of his screaming baby, eventually calming him down just enough so his eyes get heavy and a moment later he’s lulled to sleep by his father’s gentle sway. A new record. The moment he’s done with that he goes to find Ichika. Who is...not where he left her. Dammit. She always did like disappearing on him. He checks in her room. No sign of the pudding haired girl. He passes the kitchen, no Ichika at the table eating apples angrily. He hears Touka on the phone with Hinami. “It’s been a lot. Yeah. He’s always crying. It’s- no. Kaneki’s been great- And Ichika, well...she's -.”
Kaneki goes further down the hall. The door to their laundry room, a small little room at the end of the hall, is ajar, and he can hear little sniffles coming from it.
“Ichika-chan?” He says softly, opening the door a little further. She’s nowhere to be seen. But the laundry hamper is open and looks stuffed full. He grabs the lid, and there she sits. Pouting, hiding away, throwing a true six-year-old level tantrum. Her lips wobble and she starts to cry harder.
“Hey. Hey little flower, what’s going on?”
Ichika looks down. “I hate him! He’s dumb! And he’s so loud! And you don’t need me anymore!”
Kaneki runs a hand through Ichika’s hair. “Your Mom and I love you so much! We definitely need you. No one will ever change that.”
“You don’t need me.” Ichika hiccups defiantly. “All you care about is stupid ugly Kazue.”
“Aw, come on now. He’s not ugly.” Kaneki says, trying not to laugh. “Or stupid. He’s just a baby. One day he’ll grow bigger and you two can be friends.”
“I’ll never be friends with him!” She insists hotly, eyes red with tears. “He’s making you not want me anymore!”
“Ichika-chan!” He lifts her out of the hamper. “You’re our first-born baby. Our little flower. Your Mom and I will always want you- always need you. We love you more than you can ever know.”
She looks at him in disbelief. Stubborn. She tries to slide from his grasp but Kaneki quickly tickles her causing her stern face to break out into a reluctant goofy grin as she twists and turns to avoid his tickle attack. Soon laughter spills out from her as she squeals at him to stop.
Satisfied with his handiwork, he relents. As Ichika's breath evens out her face grows contemplative and she asks seriously, "Do you really still love me just as much as before?"
"Yes. If anything I love you more every day. One day I'll feel like I'll explode by how much I love you." Kaneki goofily puffs out his cheeks to demonstrate, and Ichika giggles loudly, always loving it when her Papa acted silly.
"I love you and your brother and you mama all. More than anything else in this world." Her hackles don't raise at the mention of Kazue, which Kaneki writes off as a good sign. He wants to hopefully stamp out this sibling rivalry early before Kazue gets older and it gets uglier.
Ichika then asks, “Will you love me even when I’m old like you too?”
“I’m- I’m not old!”
Ichika's face tells him she isn't so sure.
Shrugging off being called old by his daughter, Kaneki adds “But yes, I’ll still love you.”
“Even when you’re one hundred and one?” Ichika asks.
“Yes, even then. Always.” Kaneki says without even the briefest hesitation.
“Pinky swear on it!” Ichika holds out her tiny pink finger and interlocks it with her Papa's larger one. Seemingly satisfied Ichika hugs him and he returns it that much more tightly.
“I’m sorry I called you old.” Ichika apologizes softly.
Laughing, Kaneki pats her back, “It’s okay. Maybe I am old. Anyway, let’s get you back on that bike!”
**
Now that the time is here, Kaneki thinks he's more worried than his daughter. He runs Ichika along the sidewalk to their home. “Let go, Papa! I’m ready!” Ichika says for the third time, and Kaneki feels like he’s not ready.
“Do you remember where the breaks are?”
“Yes! Let go already!”
“But-”
“LET GO!”
Kaneki closes his eyes for a split second, takes a breath.
And lets go.
Ichika squeals in delight. Touka stands on the front porch with a pudgy, sleeping Kazue, in her arms as she proudly watches her daughter.
“I’m doing it! I’m doing it!” Ichika calls.
She is. She looks beautiful and free and so grown that Kaneki’s chest hurts a little bit.
Let go. She said. Let go. And Kaneki knows he’ll never fully let her go, not really. He fights back the myriad of emotions creeping into his heart, reminding himself that she's only six and a half. She's still just a little girl. Just his little girl.
But he knows when the time comes, when he has to let go- if only a little- that she'll be alright.
Ichika is a little girl who has a chance to do normal little girl things like learning how to ride a bike, and to grow up in the world safe and happy in part thanks to the sacrifices he and others had made years ago. The sadness, the sorrow, the pain...it had led him here. This- this is what it was all for.
Touka cheers from the steps as his vision starts to blur.
Ichika’s able to stop herself, albeit a bit clumsily. She hops off and runs to Kaneki, pale hair shimmering in the sunlight.
“I did it, Papa! I did it!”
Kaneki swipes once, twice at his eyes before he crouches down as she leaps in his arms. “You did it!” Kaneki echoes, voice shaky. “You did so well, Flower!”
“It felt like I was flying!” Ichika exclaims. Kaneki gets exactly what she means. It looked like she was flying. Flying, growing, blooming into something beautiful and wild, far away yet still close enough to still wrap in his arms.