Work Text:
The first time Steve sees Tony is when he pays a visit to the ER, his left eye black as the night sky with a broken cheekbone to go with it.
He picks up his usual order from his favorite cafe nearby, a caramel macchiato and hastily walks towards the entrance of the hospital he works at, wanting to get a head start on what probably will be a busy day. Most days in the ER are busy and hectic as they come.
He gulps down the scolding liquid down his throat, burning himself in the process, a failed attempt at finishing his drink before he sets foot at the hospital. A few minutes and some coffee stains on his white shirt later he is in the nurses changing rooms, changing into his ducky scrubs and crocs adorned with all kinds of jibbitz you can barely see the navy plastic of it underneath.
He takes a quick glance at his reflection on the mirror and curses himself for not doing laundry in time, muttering “Stuck with pediatrics scrubs I guess” under his breath. But he’s got no time to dwell on the subject since he is already running late for his shift and thinks it might even be a good thing if a kid needs to pay a visit to the ER.
Steve hates being assigned to the ER, since it is the most brutal wing of the hospital filled to the brim with people who need urgent care and usually are in a very bad state but helping those people gives him a satisfaction that nothing can compete with too.
So it is a nice surprise, seeing the ER rather empty with only a few beds occupied but they are mostly minor cases too. Scanning the big room he sees a man who is coughing, an IV hooked, possibly a cold; a woman holding a very high heeled shoe in her hand, one leg swinging and the other resting on the bed, a sprained ankle; then his eyes land on his mother.
Sarah Rogers is the Nursing Director of the hospital Steve works at, but her patient attending days have ended a few weeks before Steve started working there, so seeing her in the ER actually taking care of someone is worrying.
Steve can not see the patient who is with Sarah, blocked by her and closes the distance between them in two big strides before giving his anxiety ridden brain a chance to come up with any horror filled scenarios.
“One day, Tony,” Sarah says in the trademarked Rogers ‘I am very serious and set in my ways’ tone, “neither your nor Maria’s pleas will stop me and I will personally see to end this problem of yours.”
Steve stops in his tracks, sensing the seriousness of the situation and decides to wait invisible behind her to intervene. But he should have known by now nothing escapes Sarah so he really shouldn’t be surprised when Sarah calls for his name.
“Nurse Rogers, please assess the chart of the patient for me.” Then she turns around and gives a warm smile to her son, contrary to her strict tone.
That’s when Steve first sees the man, or the boy he should say, Maria was taking care of just now. He has a black eye, a red dent and swelling under it that suggests a broken cheekbone. His brunette curls are styled in a way that suggest a failed attempt at hiding the damage and Steve tries not to read too much into his body language that screams domestic violence, a situation Steve is far too familiar with based on some unfortunate personal experience.
Shaking his head to scatter the clouds that are threatening to fog his brain, Steve reaches for the chart and reads it, confirming his suspicions about the broken bone. “We should get some X-Rays taken for his cheekbone, I think it is broken.” as much as he tries, there is a hint of anger and sadness in his voice.
Sarah reaches for his shoulder, giving it a squeeze, a gesture Steve knows aimed at calming him down and turns to the boy. “Tony, this is my son Steve. He just started working here a few weeks ago and you couldn’t be in more competent hands.”
Before she leaves, she makes sure to give a comforting look and a warm smile to both of the boys, then she walks away under the gaze of them. Not allowing the past to haunt him, Steve then immediately turns to Tony and offers a reassuring smile. “How about we get that cheek of yours checked, huh?”
Clearly uncomfortable with the attention, or possibly by the stranger Steve thinks, Tony starts to play with the hem of his shirt, his legs dangling from the bed swinging anxiously.
Steve had been on the receiving side of the pity looks, so he tries his best to not make a face that would convey any kind of ‘Aww, I’m sorry.’ And finds a perfect opening for a distracting conversation topic, an attempt at easing things for him.
“So you like them?” he gestures towards Tony’s shirt. But it goes unnoticed, the brunette still looking at his hands, then all of a sudden big brown eyes meet with his own and Steve feels the floor shake underneath him.
It is one of those moments where you feel something just clicks, a mistake in the fabric of reality is corrected, a tear in the weaving of the universe gets patched up. Steve knows something has just fit into its space but he is not sure yet what it is.
“Steve?” Steve finds concern in those same eyes that rattled his entire existence and compels himself to once again focus on the reality that sits in front of him.
Clearing his throat he faintly remembers through a fog that there was a question that was directed to him and responds, with a few seconds of delay. “The band I meant, your shirt, Led Zeppelin?”
“Yeah,” Tony says, a tiny smile adorning his lips, and Steve can’t help but think he really could spend hours looking at them, sketching, drawing, mixing paint relentlessly to get a perfectly matching shade of red that is on the rosier side of things.
Before he can reprimand himself for his mind once again drifting, going to a place that it should never go to because Tony is a patient, one that his mother clearly cares about very much, and because he is 17, just a few days shy of 18 if Steve has done the math correctly according to his patient chart, Tony speaks again with a timid, shy voice that is barely above a whisper. “I love ‘Fool in the Rain’.”
Scrunching his nose as he reaches for some supplies from the tray that is standing next to the bed, Steve can’t help but challenge him. “Yeah it is a good one, but I personally would prefer ‘All of My Love’ over it.”
Then they settle into an easy conversation after that, as Steve tends to the bruises in his and takes him to get X-Rays done.
When Tony is walking out of the doors to the hospital, he is fully alive and talking loudly, arguing with Steve about which is the superior Scorpions song “Still Loving You” or “No One Like You”. He is flashy and bigger than life, nothing like the boy that Steve first met only a few hours ago, and for some reason that puts a lump in his throat. Beautiful he thinks. Tony is beautiful like this.
Then they walk out the door, a black car is already parked, a man in a black suit gets out of the driver's seat and opens up the door to the passer side. “Ready when you are Mr. Stark.” he says when he spots them and Tony regresses to who he was, head tilted forward.
“It was so nice meeting you Steve.” he says, voice barely above a whisper and offers a smile laced with sadness and something else Steve hates.
Before he can think about it Steve blurts out “Visit again.” then slaps himself. “Not like that! I didn’t mean to say get hurt again. I just.. Oh God…” and Tony is laughing now, a full body shaking laughter and Steve can’t help but join him.
“Don’t worry ducky boy.” he smirks, “I’m sure I will.” and with a broken look, he gets in the Audi waiting for him.
*****
And it turns out, Tony was right after all because only after ten days or so he visits the ER once again, this time with a fat lip and some markings on his torso that look too much like handprints. Steve pretends to not notice how red and swollen his eyes are, probably from crying and tries to cheer Tony up by telling him about the kid who was rushed in two nights ago with a Barbie leg stuck up his nose and the man that visited in a full gown and twelve inch heels with a broken ankle who turned out to be one of Steve’s favorite drag artists and he got to take a picture with her.
“... then he told me he needed this healed now because the production wouldn’t wait for Rey Naissence and I kid you not I had to stifle my scream.”
“I never would have pegged you for a drag lover.” Tony looks at him with an incredulous yet intrigued expression.
Tapping at the small rainbow pin on the strap of his badge Steve winks at him before speaking. “I think it comes with the territory.” and then feels his cheeks heat up but carries on like he just didn’t casually come out to Tony as he patched up his lip. “And you bet your ass I got a picture with Miss. Naissence.”
Tony tries to remain as motionless as possible as he laughs but when his laughter dies down, Steve becomes all too aware of the fact that he is touching Tony’s lip, his soft, bruised busted up lip. He knows what will happen, he guesses at least but still can not stop himself from looking into Tony’s eyes. And the earth as he knows it shatters.
He sees darkness and bright colors popping, sees Tony bruised up, then he feels current running through him and hears a voice.
”Steve. Steve? Steve!”
And his mom is standing beside him, the blue curtains of the partition are open now, her hand is resting on his arm. “You okay?” she asks, nervous and concerned yet still as professional as ever.
“Yeah, sorry.” he says, and puts the butterfly tape over the corner of Tony’s lips, hand lingering there one second more than necessary. And as the three of them talk, Steve can’t help his mind drifting off. He joins in as much as he can until Tony leaves and once again walks him to the car but avoids looking into his eyes even when saying goodbye.
Steve knows Sarah will corner him sometime about this and she won’t buy the ‘I’m tired.’ bullshit, but he is hoping that he himself will be able to figure this out before he has to actually face her.
*****
As time goes by Steve sadly realizes Tony stopping by is rather a frequent occurrence in the ER. And each time he sees Tony he realizes he feels more concerned and anxious than before, to the point sometimes not seeing Tony in a week or so starts to trigger full on anxiety attacks.
He always goes around checking each bed, each partition in the ER under the guise of seeking for patients who have not yet to receive help, or offer an extra pair of hands to others, but deep down he knows, he knows he is looking for Tony, seeking him out, searching him because the thought of someone else helping him bothers Steve for a reason he can’t put his finger on.
Of course he can not hide his fascination and interest in Tony from Sarah. After a few more visits, and finding Steve helping Tony, in some cases even dismissing other nurses or telling doctors that he got it and ‘letting’ them help other patients she confronts him, concerned that his own past with his dad might be triggering this obsessive persuasion of Tony.
When she confronts him, he doesn’t deny anything, doesn’t argue, yet doesn’t answer anything straight on either. Steve just says ‘I don’t know’ and it is the only truth he can offer to his mother at the moment. And Sarah knows that is the most she is going to get out of him until Steve can truly know what is happening and why it is happening.
With each visit Steve becomes more and more aware of the fact that, yes, Tony does indeed bring out some unresolved issues from his past about his dad, about the abuse he and his mother has endured. He realizes there was a small, miniscule part of him that existed against all rational thought that blamed his mother for not taking him and running away sooner, although he fully knows Sarah has done her best with what she had.
He recognizes and accepts that he will always have a soft spot for kids who grew up feeling unwanted, afraid. Afraid of crying or laughing in fear of getting locked out of the house because a grown up decided they had enough of a child's voice inside, when it is one of the most joyous things someone can hear.
He has always been aware of the fact that he was always going to live with anxiety, but Tony, Tony makes him accept that. Tony makes him see that that anxiety can come from a place of love and concern.
Then one day as he wonders among partitions, opening curtains after curtains he finds himself feelings all warm on the inside, giddy, light as a feather when he sees a man with brown curls seemingly uninjured save from a few scratches on his knee that is being patched up by Nurse Wilson.
The man ends up being someone else, Steve realizes as he lifts his head with the opening of the curtain. The disappointment hits him like a brick wall, and it all dawns on him. He wants to see Tony, he craves Tony, not because he wants to desperately protect him -though he does wanna desperately protect Tony- or because he feels empathetic about his situation but because he is slowly falling in love with Tony.
The next time Steve sees Tony fully aware of his feelings is when he has a dislocated knee, tear tracks on his cheeks.
Steve is on the 15th hour into his shift, he is pretty sure the dark circles under his eyes look like the rings of Venus, circling his blue eyes. And all he wants to do is change out of his scrubs, go home and pass out in front of the TV while stuffing his face with frozen pizza.
Normally he could take a 16 hour shift like a champ but his nights have been taken up by nightmares of his father ever since Tony first came to the hospital, so he hasn't been getting any proper sleep for the past weeks days.
And all of his nightmares start the same, he is yet again in his childhood bedroom, in that cramped two bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, he can hear the curses and yelling of his father cristal clear down to how he slurs each word. But when the six year old Steve walks into the living room, it is Tony who is the subject of his fathers terrors, big brown eyes wet with tears.
Some nights he is able to save Tony, throw himself in between Joseph and the brunette, take the beating himself but some nights he can only watch and scream silently, no voice coming out of his mouth no matter how hard he tries.
It all ends the same way too, Steve alone in his bed, cold sweats soaking his pillows, throat hurt because of how hard he was yelling his sleep.
Last night was no exception because nightmares don’t know about work and shifts, they don’t know his father has died alone somewhere in a hospital bed, liver giving up after years and years of alcohol abuse, yet he can not shake the feeling of helplessness when he thinks of Tony.
During the day he tries to not think about Tony, no matter in which context he pops up in Steve’s head. Whether it is a strong urge to protect the boy, or hold him tight in his arms and feel the warmth of his breath on his skin.
His job keeps him busy enough to garner success in that area, and when he’s not working he relies on his mother and best friend Bucky to provide distraction. Neither of them have said anything, although Steve is sure both of them are very well aware something is going on, and he is very grateful for that.
However, nothing can keep those brown eyes from haunting him. Some nights, when he is awake in his bed, his tank top drenched in sweat, chest heaving, hours before he has to get up, hours even before sun has risen; he thinks having Tony by his side would keep those dreams away.
But he doesn’t even know Tony, he has only seen Tony a few times before yet he really believes he does know him. It was like deja vu when their eyes met, a glimpse into another life where they have known each other for years, a glimpse into the future and all of the possibilities it might carry.
A few times in these past weeks Steve thinks about asking Sarah for a way of contacting Tony, but each time he decides against it. Steve knows it would look weird and out of the blue, and he doesn’t have an actual excuse to give to his mom too if she ever questioned his reasons behind it.
He smells the antiseptics and medicine smell that always lingers in the ER, perks up his ears to the hustle and bustle of patients and doctors and nurses running around and grounds himself with his work. He has people needing him, he can’t be wallowing in his emotions.
His eye catches a partition with curtains closed, and walks there with purpose, making sure the patient there has received care. When he pulls the curtain open he can’t help the gasp leaving his lips.
There sits Tony, holding his knee, tear tracks on his face, sullying his rose cheeks. Steve rushes to his side, feet moving on their own accord and lifts his hand up before he can be aware of his actions and suspends it mid air, seconds before he can cup Tony’s cheek.
With Steve’s entrance Tony’s face glimmers, like flowers blooming through the cracks of pavement, a small curve appears on his lips, glassy brown eyes widen with a speck of happiness and his shoulders relax, Steve witnesses as at least a part of his stress leaves his body.
Among white walls and beige beds, dull blue curtains Tony shines like bright red and gold, so out of place. In the middle of morbid smells, he smells like coffee and sandalwood. And for one second, Steve loses his ability to think, asking “What are you doing here Tony?”
He is not aware of the expression on his face, but whatever it is, combined with his question it makes Tony laugh. An angelic voice among all that background noise. “I wanted to settle our dispute over the superior ‘Scorpions’ song.” he says, with an ease like that was all he came here for.
“Let’s see what we have here, huh?” Steve sits down on the stool and rolls himself in between Tony’s knees, then carefully places his hands on top of his kneecap. A shiver runs through his spine which he elects to ignore then looks at Tony, worry pouring out of his every surface. “It looks like your kneecap is dislocated.”
He doesn’t say ‘you dislocated your kneecap’ because he knows full well it wasn’t Tony who got into a silly little accident and dislocated it. Judging by the red straight marks across his right leg, he was hit with an object a few times, one blow dislocating his knee.
“I fell off my bike.” Tony manages to get out, before tears start to run down his cheeks once more, broken sobs escaping his lips. And if Steve gets up and hugs Tony, it is only to comfort his patient and nothing more.
Peeling himself off of Steve, Tony looks at him with worried eyes. “Steve, are- are you shaking?” And that’s when Steve realizes he is actually shaking, hands trembling with anger.
Though this is not the time to let his emotions get to him, he first needs to tend to Tony’s medical needs. So he gathers himself and squeezes Tony’s hand reassuringly. “I’m fine. Promise. I was just…” taking a deep breath Steve decides to be as honest as he can. “...worried.”
“We are going to pop this leg back into its place, okay?” realizing he is still holding Tony!s hand, he gives it one more squeeze then lets it go, missing the warmth of Tony’s calloused yet soft hand immediately.
Tony looks at him with trusting yet scared eyes, possibly knowing the pain that will come as they place his knee back.
Throughout his career many people have told him he had wonderful bedside manners; professors, doctors he worked with, his patients. And now it is time to put them through the ultimate test, not let his feelings for Tony or his abuser get in the way of things and comfort him through it all.
Deciding to gamble with the distraction topic, Steve lands on something they haven’t discussed before. “Do you like Pokemon?” he asks, his hands fumbling with the drawers of the little medicine cabinet next to the bed.
“Oh yeah I do!” Tony beams with excitement, like this is all he wants to talk about at the moment, like they are sitting in his bedroom about to play a game and discussing the game, not in a tiny depressing partition in the ER.
That is good though, that is what Steve wants, a distracted Tony won’t feel the pain, a distracted Tony won’t cry again thinking about how he got injured in the first place. So Steve keeps the conversation going. “What is your favorite one?”
Taking out a tiny bottle and a syringe, he places them on the bed next to Tony, then carefully fills the syringe with the clear liquid, tossing the empty vial into the proper trash can. Steve then taps the plastic part, letting all the air bubbles travel to the top and squirts a little bit of the liquid getting ready to inject. When he administers Tony with the medicine, he can’t help but give out a warning “Sorry this might sting a bit.”
Tony seems to be too engrossed in his answer, because he doesn’t say anything back right away. Then absentmindedly nods, mind still somewhere else. He looks into Steve’s eyes like he is about to say the most important thing in the world and says “Eevee. Eevee is my favorite.”
A pleased smile on his lips, Steve can’t help but ask, “Why?” Then a thought pops up in his head, because it is the cutest Pokemon and he is the cutest boy and it disappears as fast as it appears.
“Place your hands on my shoulders for me please.” he asks while guiding Tony’s hand to where he needs them to be. “You can squeeze as hard as you need okay?” and instead of an answer all he gets is a squeeze from Tony. He must have been more anxious than he let out to be.
“Eevees can turn into any type of Pokemon they want to evolve to. That is a freedom none other Pokemon possess.” Tony explains. Then lists all ‘eeveelutions’ and their advantages and disadvantages for the trainer. He then starts explaining his headcanons about each eeveelution and what choice does Steve have but feel all warm inside with how much Tony cares for all things.
First step successfully done, Steve moves onto the second. “Keep telling me why you think all Sylveons are trans. I love that!” Then he touches the bone that is almost poking out of Tony’s knee. “I am going to relocate on three.”
Once again nodding obediently, Tony continues to ramble on. “... and I mean look at the colors Steve! That has to be a…”
“One”
“... deliberate choice on their part right? And the fact that any Eevee can transform into any…”
“Two”
“ …type of Pokemon is an allegory on its -OUCH What the hell? You told me it was on three.” Now Tony is looking at him with hurt eyes and Steve can’t be sure if he is more upset over the pain or the fact that Steve had lied to him.
Trying to soothe the area, and Tony -and if he is being completely honest, himself- Steve started rubbing the area ever so gently. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” he mutters avoiding Tony’s big doe eyes. “It is to prevent you from tensing up.”
Tony’s brows furrow for a second, face focused like he is trying to solve a rather challenging equation. His eyes are laser focused on Steve’s, searching for something. Then his expression softens, clearly happy with what he had found in Steve’s eyes.
With that something in Steve softens too, something he didn’t even realize was rigid, tight. The moments he locks eyes with Tony always keep him in there, grounding yet freeing and it always takes Steve by surprise. He always needs a moment to get out, go back to the real world ever since that first time. Clearing his throat, Steve speaks, controlling his voice so it doesn’t carry the heavy emotions he’s feeling right now. “We should get X-Rays taken.”
Then it all flows from there on, they get X-Rays of his leg taken, Steve puts his leg in a temporary brace and ignores the feeling he gets in his stomach when he touches Tony’s skin, and they chat through it all.
As Steve is rolling Tony out of the hospital in a wheelchair, their conversation is as heated as ever. “I can not believe you have never seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy , Steve, the blasphemy.” he clutches his chest with a fake gasp.
“Growing up the books were our favorite, my best friend and I that is, and when the movie adaptation hit the theaters we both were so scared that it would ruin this magical image we had in our minds, we never actually watched it.”
Tony looks at him like he is contemplating something, then his eyes dart back to his own hands, now nervously rubbing each other. And he looks scared, like he is about to jump out of a plane without a parachute, his whole body turns forward from where he was twisted back to look at Steve. Then barely a whisper he asks. “Would you like to watch them some time with me?”
The story always held a very special place in Steve’s heart. To this day it is where he escapes when the world gets too much, too hard. That’s why watching the movies always scares him, if he ruins his safe place, then he might not have anywhere to escape to.
But now, looking at Tony, well his neck and brunette curls, it doesn’t seem too scary to watch them. It almost makes him feel excited. Excited to enrich the world of his mind, travel through the Fanghorn Forest with Tony by his side, pass across the bridge of Khazad-dum with him.
He taps on Tony’s shoulder so he would once again face Steve, wanting to actually show Tony how much he would want it, even himself surprised by how much he actually wants it. “I would love it.” Steve thinks the sincerity in his voice is so present, he can almost touch it but he also makes sure to give Tony the biggest smile he can, one only Tony can place there, one he tried to escape.
But trying to escape Tony seems so silly now, why was he even trying to resist. Sure it is blurring some lines, befriending a patient and he is sure his feelings for Tony are not purely friendly which complicates the situation even more but why can’t he be there for Tony, be his friend. Clearly they both could use a friend who can relate to the horrors of what their respective fathers have put them through.
And Tony’s face lights up like a Christmas tree with Steve’s answer, like Steve has given him the best gift he could ever ask for. Steve’s chest tightens with emotion, making Tony happy like this, making him smile like this. The desire to always see him like this, always be the one to put that smile on his face washes over him like a tidal wave.
When he speaks it is so fast Steve actually exerts special effort to keep up. “I am not actually allowed to have friends over, not that I have many friends but in two days my parents are going out of town for a work thing. Well Howard needs to go and he ‘s dragging my mom with him too but that is okay because we can watch all the movies together and oh my God Ana can make us anything you want. She is such a good cook Steve, well why am I telling you, you’ll see for yourself. Okay give me your number and I’ll text you or I can give you mine. Actually Sarah has my number too you can get it from her. But why am I making you work for it.”
“Mister Stark.” The same man who picked up Tony last time he was in the ER approaches them, deflating Tony’s excitement for a second but then another kind of happiness finds a way there and his ramblings pick up once more.
Turning to the man “Jarvis, this is my friend Steve.” he says proudly then turns back to Steve again nervously. “I can call you a friend right?”
Steve can not control the laughter spilling from his lips, “Yes Tony you can. I don’t go around agreeing to plans with patients.” then a soft expression sets on his face before he continues “that I don’t wanna befriend.”
The man, Jarvis, then holds his hand out for a handshake. “Nice to meet you, Mister Steve. A friend of Tonys is a friend of mine.”
“Just Steve, please.” he feels the need to correct before shaking his hand. “Where is the car? I’d like to help Tony get in.” then proceeds to follow Jarvis to the parking lot, wheeling Tony.
When they get to the car, Jarvis opens the door to the passengers side and Tony tries to get up. Steve reflexively pushes him down by his shoulders. “What do you think you’re doing? You can not move your leg.”
“Then how do you suggest I get- Whoa Steve, Steve, Steveee.” Before even letting Tony finish, Steve hoists him up from his chair, holding him bridal style and Tony instinctively wraps his arms around his neck. They hold each other's gaze for a second and that one second is all it takes for Steve to dive into another dimension.
Countless images run through his head, always centered around those chocolaty brown eyes. Flashes of red and gold meld into shiny blue and whites disappearing as fast as they appear and he feels icy cold, yet where his skin touches Tony’s burns like hot metal and sand.
He feels out of place, out of time, he feels at home. Voices buzz in the background yet he only hears Tony saying his name over and over. And it all disappears within seconds when Jarvis speaks, like strings being cut. “Let me help you Steve.”
They help Tony into the car and he remembers muterring his phone number and out of place goodbyes before finding himself in his bed. Everything in between hazy, those brown eyes find him once more as he drifts off to sleep, his voice in his head on repeat. Steve, Steve, Steve…
That night his dreams are once again plagued by horrors, yet this time they shift into something different than his usual ones. He finds himself in complete darkness, no light, no space and only Tony, cradled by the same flashy colors. And Tony falls. He falls and falls and falls. The blackness leads way into the blue sky yet Tony never stops falling and Steve tries to scream, he wishes and begs to fly. Turns to his surroundings for help, any kind of help. And just as Tony is about to hit the ground he wakes up, drenched.
2.30 the clock reads, and Steve lets out a sigh, still hours from dawn, even more til he needs to wake up for work. He lets sleep take over him one more time, and gets drowned in the world of dreams.
******
A few days later Steve gets a text from Tony. He is on his lunch break when he feels his phone vibrate. He takes a glance at the text and at first doesn't really pay any attention to it due to the unknown sender but then his eye catches a glimpse of the first sentence. He hurriedly untangles himself from the picnic table a little less gracefully than he’d like when he sees Tony’s name and drops his sandwich on the ground in the process, a stray cat already having his eye on the turkey piece.
Like he is about to have a private phone call, he walks a little bit further from the table under the curious gaze of his mother and Nurse Wilson. The hospital yard is big enough for him to get away far enough so they won’t see the blush on his face and once he makes sure of that he takes a proper look at his phone and reads the text excitedly.
Hey! This is Tony. The one who gets injured randomly all the time LOL. I was just wondering, maybe if you still wanted to watch the movies with me. Or not LOL. No pressure.
He shoots back a simple “Yes!” then regrets every single decision he has ever made up until that moment because what the hell is ‘Yes’.
Righting his wrong he follows up with another text and hopes Tony doesn’t mind double texting.
”Yeah, hi! Sorry I just said yes. It probably didn’t make any sense. Yes I’d still love to watch the movies. :)”
Steve can physically feel the big smile on his face tugging at his ears and the dopey look he fashions complimented by his red cheeks but feels too happy to care. Up until he feels the gaze of a pair of blue eyes on himself.
Sarah makes her presence known by clearing her throat and all of a sudden Steve is a six year old who accidentally spilled his chocolate milk all over the beige couch. He can not dare to lift his head from his phone and look at her so he just pockets the phone and starts staring at his own hands that are nervously rubbing up against each other.
He feels the kind touch of a gentle hand on his shoulder, followed by even a gentler voice. “Honey? Are you ready to talk about it now?”
When Steve dares to look into his mothers eyes, all he can see is kindness and understanding. “Later?” he asks but it is more of a promise than anything.
A few hours later they are at Sarah’s apartment, the smell of her famous stew filling the house. Steve sets the table as she slices the homemade soda bread. Just like old times… Sure Steve now lives only two blocks away with his best friend and his girlfriend, the three of them are really close and have so much fun living together but this, being with his mom. Steve thinks nothing can top this.
They start eating in silence, the warm food calming Steve down from the inside. Bite by bite he feels anxiety leaving his body, muscle relaxing, his body melting into the chair. And once the last shred of stress, tightness evaporates into the air his mom asks like she felt it. Of course she felt it.
“So?” Sarah’s hands are in front of her now, clasped, ready to listen.
“So.”
The smile on her face shows she knows more than she lets on, maybe knows more than Steve himself. She always knew what was the matter when he was a kid anyways, why wouldn’t she have guessed now.
“I have struggled.” he confesses, voice low. “...to actually put my finger on what was going on.”
“Between you and Tony?” she asks, confirming. Her blue eyes are focused and kind, attentive.
“Yes.” he manages to get out. Then Steve waits for her to continue telling him about her observations and theories, her own thoughts but she just looks at him with a knowing smile. When it becomes apparent that she won’t interfere until he is finished himself, he continues.
“I did realize, well recognize, most of the signs when we first met. So our ‘mutual’ past would lead us to find common ground in between us, push us closer if we ever became friends. And I did feel empathy towards him. But this, this is different. It was different…”
Then his head drops forward, not with shame or relief of coming clean but how intense everything feels. “Whenever we look into each other's eyes…” he trails off.
“Do you feel like things just make sense?” Sarah asks with a wise smile on her face.
“Yeah.” is all he can manage to get out. Because it does make sense with Tony. Like he knows why the sky is blue beyond any scientific explanation, like he knows why he is put on this earth -to be by Tony’s side-, he finally knows his worth and why everything has happened the way it happened, so he could be put on Tony’s path.
When Sarah speaks, Steve can almost physically feel the emotional blanket that’s been draped on his shoulders. “I never got to experience love like that. When I got married, it was other people deciding for me and we know how it turned out.” and Steve can’t help but reach out over the table to touch her, hold his mothers hand.
“And I am so sorry for not being able to protect you more from him honey.” her voice becomes thick with emotion and regret which Steve knows is unfair. She has been an excellent mother, the best he could ever ask for and then some.
It is emotionally draining and taxing having this talk with his mother but Steve feels better having it all out in the open. They talk through the night and when he gets out the door to go back to his place, he has a plan in mind.
For a while now Bucky has been mentioning wanting to get a place of their own with Natasha, then maybe get married and he can be a good friend to Tony, ask him to move in with him once Bucky and Nat move out.
He’d need to keep his feelings to himself, not make Tony feel uncomfortable but getting him out of that situation and being a supportive friend to him is more important than the love he feels for him.
*****
A few days later Steve finds himself at the doorsteps of Tony’s house, well mansion, for a movie night. He had just finished a long and hectic shift at the hospital and the sleep threatening to take him is strong but his will to spend time with Tony is stronger, so he’ll soldier through it.
His knock on the door is answered by Jarvis who greets him and when he announces Steve’s arrival Tony practically slides down the stairs and stops in his tracks once his eyes find Steve. It is pretty comical the way he suddenly halts to a stop like a cartoon character and the laugh that escapes Steve’s lips puts a smile on his previously embarrassed looking face too.
Jarvis says something about cookies and checking up on Ana and disappears and it’s just the two of them now in the large entreé to the mansion. Tony timidly walks towards him and thanks him in a low voice.
“It is nice,” he says, looking down on his shoes. “To have friends over. It’s just that I am usually not allowed to have friends over, not that I have many.” and his voice is shadowed by sadness but what breaks Steve’s heart more is it seems like he is used to this.
He wants to kiss it away, hold Tony in his arms and tell him he’d be anything he needs. A friend, a confidant, a shoulder to cry on, a lover if Tony would have him but he stops himself and settles for telling him he’d be there anytime Tony wants him there.
And judging by the smile on his face, Steve thinks he succeeds.
“Don’t say that.” Tony protests jokingly but the rest of his sentence doesn’t feel like a joke. “I’d ask you to visit whenever Howard wasn’t around and you’d get bored of me.”
“Wanna bet?”
Then Steve sees the tension once again leaving Tony’s body and feels pretty proud of himself for being able to ease Tony’s worries with just two words.
The tour to the mansion Tony takes him on leaves him speechless in many ways. The house is so big, by the end of the tour he feels like he took two laps around Central Park and for someone who grew up struggling financially, it is a lot to take seeing a house decorated with as many paintings as a museum and couches that probably worth more than his entire house and belongings.
But what baffles Steve the most is Tony’s workshop. When they walk down the mahogany stairs into something that looks so plain and unembellished, Steve wonders where Tony is taking him. The concrete door opens by Tony scanning his handprint into a metallic box, and Steve gasps. The space is fairly large yet exudes a sense of comfort. The walls are also concrete but covered with panels that hold various tools, the large spot lights turn on by voice command and Steve is pretty sure no one other than Tony could trigger them.
The workbenches are all gray too which makes the purple large couch in the back pop even more. With a movement of his hand, Tony dismisses some holograms Steve thought were computer screens up until that moment and asks what he thinks of the space.
Too baffled to speak, it takes a few moments for Steve to find words to speak and even then all he manages to get out is “Wow.”
A machine that looks like a robot rolls himself next to Tony and nudges his side with what Steve can describe best as a claw, gets the “Go ahead.” from him then rolls next to Steve, this time nudging him.
“He wants to say ‘Hello’.” Tony explains and Steve realizes he probably looks clueless.
He holds his hand out tentatively, unsure of what he is supposed to do but the bot reaches for him with his claw.
“Shake his claw.” Tony encourages and for a second Steve wonders what he is doing shaking a hand with a robot but proceeds anyways.
“What is this?” Steve asks, unsure of the correct pronoun to use.
With a satisfied and proud look on his face Tony answers. “That, well he, is DUM-E. He was the first bot I created so don’t expect anything perfect but he’s kinda like my first child so I love him regardless.”
“You? You made this??” Steve is sure his mouth makes an ‘o’ shape with amazement. “Your hands, you build him with your hands?”
Tony just settles for a nod for an answer and keeps his eyes on Steve’s face.
“You have the most amazing hands.” he blurts out realizing how stupid and suggestive that sounds seconds after the words leave his mouth.
But the laughter it brings out of Tony is heavenly. “Says the guy who saves lives with his hands.”
Standing his ground Steve doesn’t budge. “Yes but I can save a life with my hands, what your hands are capable of can save the lives of hundreds, thousands if worked in the same area as me.”
Then Tony shows him a bot he’s been working on for some time that can suture up wounds and Steve is a goner. He is more infatuated than he already was. And after that it becomes a choice. Steve doesn’t fall in love with Tony, he walks in love with Tony. Taking each step with deliberation, knowing full well what it means to love this man.
This incredible man with the most amazing intellect and the most amazing heart.
After some more time looking at stuff Tony has made, two more bots named Butterfingers and U which make Steve laugh, they settle into the couch and Steve hears Tony call into something and then it is just a matter of minutes before Jarvis brings them cookies and some delicious smelling pastries to snack on.
With another command of his voice, a screen appears before them and on the screen the first more of the LOTR trilogy begins playing. Forty five minutes into the movie, Steve feels the pull of sleep and feels himself dozing off, the warmth of Tony’s body next to him. He faintly registers a soft touch pushing the strands of hair away from his face and for the first time in weeks, maybe months he gets a nice good night's sleep filled with dreams of what could.
When he wakes up, his head is resting on top of something warm and sturdy which he promptly realizes is Tony’s chest. He inhales letting the smell of him fill his lungs then forcefully peels himself off, searching for his phone.
He feels around and finds his phone stuck between the cushions of the couch, the clock reading 7:30. In the remaining fifteen minutes he has until the time he needs to wake up for work, Steve guiltily lies back down on Tony’s chest and listens to his tiny snores filling the room, calming him down and encasing him in a sense of security.
Steve lets his mind wonder what it would be like, getting to sleep next to Tony like that each night, being allowed to touch him, watch him sleep, place a small kiss on his forehead before he leaves for work trying very hard not to wake him.
He thinks that is what belonging would feel like.
When it’s time to get up and go to work, for the first time in his life Steve finds it hard to leave his ‘bed’ behind. He tells himself this wasn’t his to have in the first place and he already was on borrowed time on this fantasy and walks back up the stairs.
When he reaches the top of the stairs back into the entreé, he is greeted at the door by Jarvis who then hands him a doggy bag with two sandwiches inside. “Mister Stark said you’d be leaving around this time to go to work.” he says as he also passes him a thermos with hot liquid inside.
For some reason the kind gesture brings a lump in his throat and he feels the tears well up in his eyes. “Tell him I said thanks Jarivs.” he croaks out, then swallows trying to regain his composure. “And thank you too.”
He politely declines Jarvis’ offer of driving him to the hospital and walks to work trying to ready himself for the day ahead.
Somewhere along sending memes and cute animal videos it becomes a usual thing, texting with Tony all day long. They try to meet up at least once in every ten days and finish the LOTR trilogy and move on to Star Wars movies which they argue throughout the whole watch through. But it feels nice having Tony by his side.
When Tony visits Steve for the first time at his own place instead of the Stark mansion, Steve finally asks him.
“I know you still have one more semester left in college, but once you graduate you can get a job of your own and make your money. You can get away from him Tony.”
“How?” he just asks, voice small once more, eyes darting between his hands and the prints on the carpet. “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
Steve feels his hands tremble with anger, anger for everyone who made Tony feel like he was alone. “You do," he says, his voice incredibly calm and gentle in contrast with his feelings. “You can move in with me.”
And Tony just halts, he doesn't even blink and Steve regrets everything he says. Before he spoke he calculated the worst thing that could happen was Tony saying no but this is worse than anything he imagined.
Then Tony starts shaking and crying. He throws his arms around his neck, buries his head in the crook of Steve’s neck and stays there crying for a while as Steve tentatively caresses his hair. With the gesture Tony melts into Steve, so feeling bolder he puts his free hand on his back and starts drawing soothing shapes.
After that day Tony’s visits to the ER become less and less frequent, and Steve can not feel happier about it. They have a solid plan, he feels. Tony will lay low and only study so he can graduate and once he does he will pack up one night and move out. That way Howard can not go to his uni and find him there either.
And he saves up every last penny he can to support Tony until he finds a job on his own, he knows it won’t be easy for Tony living a life with limited budget but he also knows nothing is more important to Tony than his freedom either.
We will make it work, find a way.
And it wasn’t easy for him and Sarah in the beginning either but they made it work. And Steve is fully confident that Tony will make it work too. They just need to get through these next two weeks until his classes are done and then it is only a matter of days waiting for Howard to get out of town for work.
And they are not alone in this plan either, they have an inside man so to speak. Jarvis, who Steve has also befriended during his visits, is the closest thing Tony has to a father figure and his wife and he promised that they will do anything in their power to help.
When their plan is airtight and set in stone, Steve first tells it to Bucky who knew Steve was up to something many many days ago. He and Natasha won’t be able to move right away but they get a futon and place it next to Steve’s bed so until they move out and Tony can take their room, they can room together.
Steve is perfectly fine with that plan. A little more than fine but he made a promise to himself that he will push all of his feelings down and ignore them until Tony safely moves in so he tries not to think too much about it.
He is very well aware of the fact that he will have to sleep in the same room as the man he is in love with, thank you Bucky I don’t need a reminder every two hours. But in his heart he knows every suffering he will endure will also be a small price to pay next to Tony’s happiness and safety.
Then as the final step, they tell Sarah about their plan.
The three of them are at Sarah’s place, Tony making obscene noises with each bite he takes out of his shepherd's pie. Steve makes a mental note to never make his moms recipe at home, because there is no way he can take any more of his moaning, especially when they are alone at home.
Once they finish telling all the details and everything they come up with, Sarah looks into the distance for a brief period. Steve holds his breath with how anxious he’s feeling and he is pretty sure Tony isn’t breathing next to him either.
“Dr. Banner.” she finally speaks and Steve’s face twists with confusion. Ignoring two pairs of curious eyes she continues, clearly devising a plan of her own just then. “You guys mentioned a machine Tony is building, one that can suture wounds.”
Then Tony nods and his face lights up like a Christmas tree clearly catching up with where Sarah is going with it and Steve just continues staring in between them, the only oblivious one in the room.
Tony turns to him, doe eyes wide as they go and starts poking his arm. “Steve! Steve! Steeeveeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
“Ouch.” he jests at Tony. There might be a tunnel dug in his arm but he can’t bring himself to be annoyed, not with how happy Tony looks right now.
“Do you know him?” Tony asks his whole attention back to Sarah once again.
Sarah has her trademarked ‘mother knows it all’ look plastered all over her face. “I do. And I also do know that he is looking for a bright assistant that can help him with building some of his designs. Biology might be his forte but he lacks a little in the design and mechanics part of things.”
And now Steve is catching up too. Things can’t get any perfect right. Sarah promises them she will talk to Dr. Banner and get in touch with Maria once Tony is safely settled. When they are finished with their meal, Steve walks Tony home and their hands dangle in between them gently brushing once in a while and Steve can’t repress the excitement blooming in his stomach whenever he feels the warmth of Tony’s skin on his own.
Once they have a little over a week left until Tony’s official escape date, they start counting
9…
8…
7…
6…
5…
4…
3…
2…
Then Steve runs into Tony in the place he least expects, frantically screaming and crying calling out his name. Tears enough to fill an ocean running down his cheeks.
It is busier than usual in the ER and Steve is so done with the day. He just wants to go home and go over things once more with Bucky. Get himself ready for tomorrow, when they finally take Tony home.
He feels anxiety creeping up on him, a knot twisting in his stomach and he spends most of the day trying to shake off the feeling of something bad is approaching. It is just my past experiences catching up to me. Nothing will happen. but no matter how much he repeats this to himself, the darkness doesn’t leave him.
Then the doors to the ER burst open, a bloody scream filling the room. And it takes Steve a few seconds to register it is his name being called by a voice agonizingly familiar.
He forgets whatever he was doing, he drops everything in his hand, something that should have been kept sterile his brain reminds in the back of his head but his world halts to a stop. Nothing matters at that point.
Steve pushes people away, not knowing if they are doctors, nurses or patients, not caring what happens to anyone else. And when he finally reaches Tony he stops in his tracks, brain working overdrive to assess the damage. He had seen Tony in many many serious injuries and he took them all like a champ, if he is screaming and crying like that frantic as he is, he is sure Tony must be close to dying.
His eyes scan Tony as calmly as he can and land on his hand. If the pinky drooping from the side is any indication, it is safe to say the metacarpal is broken, shattered even.
Simultaneously at the sight of Steve, Tony’s screams stop, mindful of his hand he buries his face on his chest and just says “Hand.” as his tears create little wet patches on his scrubs.
Steve knows, he knows what that means. It means Tony can not build, it means he can not work with Dr. Banner until he heals fully and even then he knows Tony might never regain the full motion of his hand back. Worst of all he knows Howard never touches Tony’s hands because his creations are the only things his dad ever cares about. So if he hurt his hand, he knows.
Right on cue Howard Stark marches in, spewing curses and Steve sees red for a second. He places Tony on a gurney that’s been placed next to a wall and just charges. He shoves Howard against the opposite wall the gurney is and growls.
He faintly recognizes entire ER quieting down and watching them but he is beyond the point of giving a single fuck about anything. Howard tries pushing him away, still cursing like a drunken sailor and throwing ‘Do you know who I am’s around but then he stops at once.
In his cute scrubs and colorful crocs Steve always gives off a golden retriever energy. He usually sports a polite smile and always approaches people with kindness. That is why his 6’2”, 220 pound body never looks threatening. However, like this? He is a wild and dangerous animal ready to attack and rip apart anything and everything coming his way.
An animalistic sound rips through his throat and Howard is backing up like a cornered and wounded animal.
“Get. The. Fuck. Out.” he curses, hand pointing at the door. “I have enough shit to destroy you. So tread carefully Howard.”
Howard opts for brave and unbothered but his shaking hands betray him. “You can’t touch me.” he hectors around.
“I know there are 206 bones in the human body. And I know how to break each and every one of them in the most painful way.” he once again rushes at him, growling. “I might not hurt your reputation but I will hurt you.”
Howard straightens his collar and brushes off his suit then leaves the ER still muttering stuff under his breath but Steve now needs to direct his entire focus on Tony. He can deal with anything that follows later.
As if it wasn’t him who was ready to rip someone's heart out with his bare hands seconds ago, his voice is as sweet as honey when he gently cradles Tony’s hand on his own. “Okay honey, let’s breathe together okay?” Then he starts ever so slowly breathing in and out, in and out until Tony’s breath syncs with his and he stops crying.
Tony only looks at Steve and mutters “My hand” once in a while as Steve pages the orthopedics and neurosurgeon to the ER.
“It is gonna be okay. I am here okay?” he touches Tony wherever he can, holding his other hand and caressing his hair, touching his shoulder, rubbing his back. Entire world disappears save for Tony. “It is gonna be okay.”
Steve feels a hand on his shoulder and turns suddenly. Warm worried kind eyes find his, Sarah. And all of a sudden his body goes limp, everything disappears. He remembers begging for help, one of his hands on Tony’s uninjured one and the other holding his mother. Then everything becomes a blur.
He cries and promises it is all going to be okay. He swears he will take care of Tony and make everything better. People hold his arms down and prevent him from going into the X-Ray room, but he can’t leave Tony, they take the X-Rays with him in the room, the mechanic sound of the machine filling the silence.
He refuses to leave Tony’s side until they roll him into the OR on a stretcher and he yells behind how much he loves Tony, how they will get through this.
He hears a voice, footsteps approaching. Bucky? “Is he out of surgery?” speaking takes too much out of him, mouth dry as a desert.
Bucky takes his hand and walks him into the recovery room they took Tony to. Dr. Strange informs him that the surgery was a big success and Tony will regain full function of his hand back with a little bit of time, patience and physical therapy. “I trust he is in good hands with you Nurse Rogers.” he winks and all of a sudden Steve can breathe again.
“Nurse Rogers!” Tony slurs from his bed. “Nurse Rogers.” and he giggles. Steve can not help but join him in his laughter, tears running down his eyes from relief.
“Has anyone told you Steve?” and Tony is instantly serious.
The anxiety creeps back again, filling Steve with dread. He can’t even register what he is afraid of, brain working in overdrive calculating every possible scenario, every horrible thing that could be said to him. “Told me what?”
“How pretty your eyes are.” and another giggle fills the room. “Can I drown in them?” Tony looks at him like he is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and Steve just has to say something silly to alleviate the thick blanket of emotions that are suffocating him.
“I’d rather you don’t drown.” And although he is joking, joining in Tony’s laughter, he can not hide the seriousness in his voice, still too afraid anything might happen to him.
Tony pouts and it is the cutest thing Steve has ever seen in his life. “Fineeeeee. Fine. But then I want kisses.”
Who is Steve to deny Tony of such a request but his mind reminds him of the fact that Tony is under heavy sedation. “Ask me that again once you are fully yourself and you got it.”
His entire body fills with hope that Tony will still want him once he comes out of the anesthesia, wanting him even though Steve has failed to protect him. But at that moment he vows to always be by his side, always shield him from the horrors of the world.
“Pleaseeeeeeeeeee.” Tony makes grabby hands and reaches for Steve.
Well Steve is only human so he caves, unable to put up any more fights, his body and mind already exhausted by everything that has happened. He walks towards Tony close enough for him to pull Steve down with his uninjured hand and place a small kiss on his cheek.
“Happy?”
“Happy.”
*****
The day after surgery Steve takes Tony home, the one they will share hopefully for a very very long time. And when he puts all of Tony’s stuff Jarvis packed for him in his room, in their room, it is intentional.
“I want kisses.” he hears Tony yell from the living room couch as he is about to walk out of the door.
Bending down he places a small chaste kiss on his lips. “I thought you were still sleeping.”
“And I thought you knew how to kiss me.” Tony kisses him once again and smiles into the kiss trying to pull Steve on top of himself with his undamaged hand.
Honest to God all Steve wants to do is stay home and kiss his boyfriend for hours and hours but his mind won’t stop nagging him about things he has to do. “I will kiss you properly but right now I need to go and help Maria carry her stuff into Ma’s place.”
“Ugh fine, fine. I suppose, go and help my mother.” letting go to Steve and waving his hand dismissively he pretends to be annoyed but Steve can see the fondness in his eyes.
This time when he looks into Tony’s eyes, all he sees is his future and nothing else. Maybe he used to catch a glimpse into what was supposed to happen, and since they are together now, all is well with the universe. Everything is on its track.