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After the night you spent on Rodimus’ chest, you make it an extra point to take charge of your own autonomy while aboard the ship. While there are some interactions you can never really avoid- you could at least agree that it was best for the captain to carry you around the halls rather than walking around yourself for a comparably much longer amount of time- you tried to go out of your way to hop off of his hands or slide down his shoulder onto the nearest platform so you could walk around yourself.
It was met with much resistance by the orange mech, at first. First he thought each attempt was on accident, and he would catch you in his hands just about every time. Eventually, you learned it was better to notify him first. You’d rap a knuckle on his shoulder or one of his digits to catch his attention and gesture your head to the platform beneath you first, then start to make your way down. The warnings seemed to help since, soon enough, Rodimus barely went out of his way to catch you anymore.
You remembered how stressful communicating with the captain was at first. At least, in terms of your mobility. But, this morning, when you awoke in your bundle of ‘blankets’ knowing it was because of your decision to step off of Rodimus’ hand while he was by his desk, you somehow felt more well rested than usual.
Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you began to stretch an arm out and scan the room for the captain, only to find that your shared habsuite was empty. That was odd- he usually never spent a moment without you. Maybe he stepped out for just a moment, or there was some emergency he needed to take care of and he didn’t want to wake you.
He didn’t want to wake you.
You sat on that for a minute.
You definitely didn’t feel the corners of your mouth pull into a semblance of a smile. And you definitely didn’t feel your face get just a single degree warmer.
And, even if any of those just happened to be true out of some wild coincidence, you definitely absolutely did not feel your heartbeat pulse the tiniest bit faster.
You didn’t.
Because you didn’t belong here. This was not your world. You were a stranger, an intruder, invading a world dealing with things much bigger than you could ever begin to imagine. Despite how much these bots seemed attached to you, you knew it was never real.
Because despite the fact that ‘human’ was the only thing they saw you as, you didn’t feel seen as one. You felt like a trophy for display at best, and an insect to be studied and eventually squashed at worst.
Stuffing conflicting feelings down into the basement of your brain was something you had gotten really good at during your time here. Was it the healthiest thing to do? No, and you knew that. But there wasn’t exactly anyone you could talk to about these feelings. So, you did the only thing you felt you could do, and filed your feelings away for later.
Right now, the room was empty. That meant you could finally explore the ship free from Rodimus’ eyes. You could finally make some more progress on finding your way back to earth. As long as you could first find a way out of the room, of course.
As you were just about to haul yourself out of bed, your head shoots upward at a sound. Two pairs of sounds, actually. Two different sets of footsteps approaching, and what sounded like two voices exchanging words with one another.
“…again, I appreciate you agreeing to see me at such an early hour, Rodimus,” a deep voice echoed from the hall.
“Yeah, no problem. Like I said, anything for one of my co-captains.” You didn’t even need to search your memory to match the voices to faces, as the sliding door to the room swiftly opened, and the two bots were revealed.
Rodimus was to be expected. But he made way for another, much larger, mech- offering him the doorway first.
The effective second in command of the ship, Ultra Magnus.
You had seen him from time to time, but never one on one like this. He often kept his hands to himself when it came to addressing you, which was something you appreciated. Still, he was loud- but not in a Rodimus sort of way. There was a sort of commanding presence about him, one you weren’t sure what to do with. You never tried to engage him. Not because you were trying to avoid him, you realized, but you never really felt you had a reason to.
“So, what’s up?” Rodimus asks the commander as he gestures a hand inside, and you quickly bury yourself within your pile. They likely didn’t know you were awake yet, and you didn’t want to interrupt their conversation and focus their attention on you- especially when you were so close to putting your plan into action. That didn’t stop you from peeking your head out the tiniest bit, though.
“Thank you,” Ultra Magnus politely comments as he walks inside, and Rodimus follows suit. The door shuts behind them, and you realize just how dark the room gets because of it. There were soft lights glowing along the tops of the walls of the room, you noticed, but they weren’t substantial enough to fully brighten the area. It was like the moment of twilight before a sunrise was contained in this very room.
“I wanted to discuss with you a growing concern I have regarding the human you have taken guardianship of.” While the captain takes a seat upon his recharge slab, crossing one leg over a knee and resting his weight on an arm behind him, the commander opts to stand in place. “I noticed you often bring them along with you while traveling about the ship, completing your duties.”
“Well, yeah, you told me yourself to keep an eye on them,” Rodimus shrugs. “I just don’t wanna’ lose them, is all. Imagine if they got hurt and no one was around to help them?”
“That’s understandable,” Magnus inclines his head, “but, have you considered the biological makeup of a human?”
Rodimus’ spark skips a beat at the mere thought. “Yeah, I mean, Ratchet’s informed everyone. And I spend the most time with the human, I know their kind is full of fleshy little guys.”
“And it is for that reason that I ask that you please be careful with them.”
The orange bot’s formerly casual demeanor stiffens, if only a little. He tilts his head, “What do you mean?”
“Humans are fragile, sensitive creatures,” Magnus begins. “I’ve noticed that you often grab the human without warning, and you’ve allowed them to run off on their own more. You have been doing a fine job thus far with protecting the human, don’t misunderstand,” the co-captain raises his hands passively, “I’d just like to offer the suggestion that you handle them with a little more care, and that you keep a closer eye on them. Cybertronians are a much more resilient species in comparison to humans, after all. And I don’t believe either party would enjoy to accidentally…” Ultra Magnus trails off, considering his words. “…catch them underfoot,” he decides.
Rodimus straightens, and his expression almost frightens you. He bears an impatient scowl, and one of his brows quirks up as he speaks. “Magnus, I think you might be overreacting.” The mech crosses his arms, “The human has been fine so far! Plus, we have, like, a connection thing going on.” He stares at his open servo for a moment, recalling the sensation of your little hands gripping just one of his fingers. “I know it. I can feel it.” He clenches his hand into a fist before bringing it back to its formerly crossed position, “I think I know what I’m doing.”
The second-in-command’s brow furrows. “Rodimus,” Magnus implores, and his tone is a little softer this time, “All I am saying is, I know what it is like to feel… out of one’s depth. Vulnerable. Small. You and everyone else on the ship know that.” The commander approaches the orange mech, and gently places a blue hand on one of the captain’s shoulders. At the sensation, Rodimus’ expression softens, but still carries a feeling of resistance. “I am just asking you to try and look at it from their perspective. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
There’s a beat of silence between the two, and they gaze at each other in a way you can’t really read. You feel like there’s years upon years of context you’re missing. But Rodimus is the first to submit, turning his gaze down and away from his companion. “Okay,” he complies, lowering his crossed arms to open and rest in his lap. “I’ll try.”
Ultra Magnus smiles and pats his hand down a couple of times before removing it. “Thank you.” He backs away, heading towards the door. “That is all that I wished to discuss with you. Unless there is anything else to speak about, I shall be on my way. I must see to triple checking everyone’s work agendas for the day.”
“Oh, no, there’s nothing else,” Rodimus says with a weak smile. “Thanks for the talk.” There’s a quality to his voice that has you almost feeling guilty for him, not that you knew what exactly he was saying. He just seemed pretty shaken up. Ultra Magnus offers him another concerned smile of his own before exiting the room, and leaving the captain alone to his devices.
The mech casts his gaze down to his servos once more as he leans against the wall behind him. Fidgeting with his digits, he replays the conversation with Magnus over and over again in his processor.
‘-have you considered the biological makeup of a human?-‘
‘-humans are fragile, sensitive creatures-‘
‘-you often grab the human without warning-‘
‘-we have, like, a connection thing going on-‘
‘-catch them underfoot-‘
The Prime is quick to cut the memory feed. He folds his servos and rests the back of his helm against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. His sparks aches in a way he hated- the way it throbbed in sour pulses.
Was he hurting you?
You, his little buddy. The little creature who somehow stumbled onto the ship, the one he was supposed to be guardian to. The human he ever so adored to see and feel and hear.
He shifts his gaze down from the ceiling and onto you. You duck your head back down just in time- at least, you hope you do. From your spot underneath the blankets, you hear metal shifting on metal, and the slow approach of footsteps. The sounds come to a halt as darkness casts over you.
You take in a trembling breath and shut your eyes.
You feel the fabrics above you get lifted aside effortlessly. The captain watches you softly, admiring how soundly you’ve fallen into recharge. Rodimus so badly wanted to lift you up and hold you in his hand. He longed for the feeling of your little hands clinging onto his digits, the sound of your amazed chirps as he showed you things, the way you nodded or shook your head at him when he asked you something.
His servo is mere inches away from your body now. He could sweep you up and clear his mind of all of his worries in an instant.
But, he doesn’t want to wake you.
Instead, he takes one of your tiny hands with his index finger and thumb. He holds it there for a minute with his optics shut, and he concentrates.
A minute passes.
And then another.
There it is.
The feeling of your spark- your heart, he corrected himself- running through you.
The mech ex-vents a sigh he didn’t realize he was holding. He opens his optics again and gently rubs your hands between his digits. Within him, he felt his own spark relax within its chamber. Like it was second nature, it matched pace with the pulse of yours.
To him, that was reassurance enough.
Slowly, he brings your hand back down to your side, and lifts your blankets over you once more. It was still pretty early, and you were recharging so peacefully… so, Rodimus decides to step away from the desk and make his way to the door as well.
“See you soon, little buddy,” he says from the edge of the doorframe.
The sliding door shuts behind him just as quickly as it had opened.
Waiting until the sound of his footsteps fully dissipate into the hall, you finally tear your blankets off from on top of you and get to your feet.
Whatever that was? That was weird.
But you had more pressing things to worry about. You had to find a way out of this room, and then… well, you’d worry about step two when you got to it.
After getting yourself into a fresh change of clothes, you walked to the edge of the desk and tried to gauge the distance between you and the floor. Seeing as you weren’t an architect with knowledge of geometry you could summon off the top of your head, the effort was fruitless. Your eyes scanned the desk, there had to be something you could-
Ah, there it was. Your face lit up as you ran over to Rodimus’ end of the desk, lifting a datapad stylus off of the ground. You carried the hefty weight in your arms all the way to the edge of the desk, dropped the stylus, and began a countdown.
One… two… three…
And a clatter, as the stylus landed to the floor.
Okay, so the jump was about thirty feet. You guessed as much, anyway. Really you saw that method from an old TV show and wasn’t certain if it was real.
Man, you missed when TV was the most exciting part of your life.
But you couldn’t worry about that now. Clearly the floor wasn’t an option, so you opted to look higher instead. In the corner of the room, thankfully just over your space, an air vent caught your eye. An air vent meant a ventilation system, and a ventilation system meant a safe way to travel throughout rooms without getting caught.
And that meant you found the perfect escape route.
All you needed now was a way to get up there. Maybe something on Rodimus’ side of the desk would help.
You made your way across the desk again as you looked all around. You had to be quick- you weren’t sure when Rodimus was coming back to pick you up (literally, in this case), so it was better to get this done as quickly as you could.
After a bit of investigating, you soon found a stack of datapads at the far end of the desk that towered over you. From the looks of it, it looked tall enough to where you could reach the vent if you jumped. Not seeing any other viable options, you took the risk.
Mustering up any strength you had, you started to push the tower of datapads to the other side of the desk. Not without stopping multiple times along the way to catch your breath and mutter a curse or two to yourself, of course. Eventually, the datapad tower hits the opposite wall, and you back away to admire your work.
And with one final breath, you hype yourself up again and begin the climb up.
About halfway up, you make the fatal mistake of looking down, and you find yourself frozen in place. No, no, no- not now, literally any time other than right now would be the perfect time to have a freak out. Despite how much your body screamed at you to get back down and huddle into the safety of your little corner of the room, you forced your arms and legs to continue upwards.
Just focus on one step at a time. Left, right, left, right…
Soon enough, you reach the top of the stack. You haul yourself over the edge and lay flat on your back, panting in exhaustion. After a minute, you get back to your feet, intent on continuing upwards, but your body comes to a slow stop as you look out onto the rest of the room.
It felt… different, to be so high up. You could see everything so clearly. To think, just a moment ago you were down there on the desk, eavesdropping on a conversation you’re almost glad you didn’t understand.
You paused.
Why were you pausing?
You look down at your hands and flex them. You touch one with the other- Rodimus was holding it between just two of his fingers only a few minutes earlier. Carrying it softly in his grasp, rubbing it with care.
You… you almost felt bad for leaving him.
But something within you stuffed that feeling down into the recesses of your mind, just as it did time and time again. Remember when he held you and pressed your stomach down and didn’t let up? Remember when he kept you trapped between his hand and the crook of his neck? Remember, not that long ago, the night when you were so small and insignificant that even the force of his heartbeat overpowered you?
You remembered. And you knew that, for your own safety, it’d be unwise to forget it.
So, you clenched your fists and brought them down to your sides, and looked back up at the air vent in resolution. In a burst of courage, you jumped up and just barely got a grip on the edge of the open vent. It burned your arms, but slowly, you pulled yourself up and over the edge once more.
After taking another minute to breathe- you were more out of shape than you thought you were- you picked yourself up and stared down the seemingly endless hallway of the air vent. Thankfully, it looked to be about the size of an average bot if it crawled on all fours- meaning there was more than enough space for you. You turned your head, taking one last look at the captain’s habsuite.
If you did this, there was no going back. Who knows if Rodimus would forgive you.
But if you didn’t, there was no going back home.
You took a step forward.
And then another.
And slowly, you found your legs carrying you further down the maw of the vent, leading you to paths unknown.
It was time for step two.