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When Jimin suggests that he might have a disorder, Jungkook adamantly denies it. He'd almost insulted at the suggestion, having grown up in a culture where the mentally ill where viewed as being weak, where chemical imbalances were nothing but myths. It's all in your head his father had told him time and time again, every time he was shaken up with anxiety or worse, suffered from a panic attack. If you'd just change you attitude, you wouldn't have this problem. Jungkook knew that wasn't true, of course. He'd tried all his life to change his attitude, tried to be optimistic and happy. No one in the world tried harder than him, but just when he thought he was winning, just when he thought he'd proved his father right, anxiety would come and knock him off of his high horse.
Jimin was right, of course, but Jungkook wouldn't be easy to convince. Even though he knew something was wrong with him, he didn't want to know, so he pretended that he didn't. He pretended that his anxiety attacks were the result of stress. I just have so much on my plate! He'd explained to Jimin so many times now. Between dancing and singing and keeping up appearances with our fans. It's only natural that I'd get a little freaked out! He wasn't wrong, either. The life of an idol wasn't easy. He had to keep his body in check, and ever since his little slip up a few months prior when he had an all out panic attack on stage, he'd put pressure on himself to never make a mistake like that again. He was most definitely stressed out, but so was everyone else. Jungkook was the only one having panic attacks and waking up with nightmares, though. There was a different kind of fear in the back of his mind. He wasn't just nervous that he'd mess up, he was terrified. He wasn't just stressed out, he was a ticking time bomb of pressure.
Jimin never argues with him when he refuses to see a professional, but he doesn't let it go. When ever he notices that Jungkook is upset, he insists that they talk. That, he notices, helps. After their talks, Jungkook walks as if a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, even though he'd insisted he was fine the whole time. Everyone notices that he's more easy going after he and Jimin talk, but at Jimin's request, no one mentions it.
If Jungkook wasn't going to seek help, Jimin would have to do it himself. Slyly, in a way that wouldn't make Jungkook suspicious, at least until he trusted him with his feelings. He can't stand seeing Jungkook suffer like this, even if he is getting better. He's say it was his duty as Jungkook's hyung, but he knows there's more to it than that.
So, when Jimin catches Jungkook paces nervously through the halls, he can't just sit back and watch his spiraling descent into despair. "Hey, you seem energetic," Jimin comments easily, smiling as Jungkook's attention is pulled towards him. "How about instead of doing laps around the room, you join me for a walk?" He can see the hesitation in Jungkook's eyes, so he smiles a little brighter, a little more encouragingly.
"O-okay," Jungkook muttered cautiously, growing tense as he heard the nervousness in his own voice. If Jimin noticed, he doesn't show it. His smile doesn't falter as he gestures for Jungkook to follow him, heading off towards the door. The younger of the two blinked, alarmed that Jimin wasn't lecturing him on how he shouldn't keep to himself, alarmed that he hadn't noticed for once. It was almost disappointing. Jimin usually read him so well. He doesn't let himself get hung up on those feelings, though, and quickly follows Jimin, the two of them grabbing their jackets before leaving the dorm.
They walk in silence for some time, Jimin leading him somewhere Jungkook wasn't familiar with. If he was being honest, he didn't go on walks very often. They didn't offer much for him, aside from fresh air. There wasn't anything particularly lovely about their block. There were tall, expensive looking buildings. A few generic shops. Nothing special. For a while, he thinks they're going nowhere, just wandering around aimlessly — that is, until Jimin grabs hold of his wrist and pulls him rather adamantly down a few paths Jungkook had never seen before. It only served to make him more nervous. First, Jimin completely ignores what he thought was a rather obvious anxiety attack, and now he was taking him into unfamiliar territory? Had he given up on being sympathetic to Jungkook completely? "Wh-where are we going, exactly?" Jungkook builds up the nerve to ask.
"You'll see," is all Jimin says, but he flashes a genuinely sweet smile back at Jungkook, and that's enough to put him at ease, at least a little.
He does see, no more than five minutes later. Before them is a large, well-taken care of rose garden. It shocks Jungkook, it's rows of beautiful and fragrant red and pink and white contrasting the cold, grey atmosphere of the city they'd just trudged through. Jungkook has never known the world to be a beautiful place, but this more than proves him wrong. He wants to say so, too, but when he turns to tell Jimin, he isn't there. Jungkook panics a little, looking around frantically until his eyes fell on a fountain in the center of it all, which Jimin was already approaching. Jungkook breathed a sigh of relief, and quickly jogged up to his side.
"I never knew this was here," he murmured, looked around them. It was like a scene out of a movie — butterflies were fluttering about, the sun was setting, the whole place smelled sweet and looked sweeter, and there was his silver-screen love interest, sitting on the edge of the fountain. If he'd thought the scenery was beautiful, it as now nothing compared to that fiery red hair, those soft features, that pleasant smile.
"Of course you didn't, you never leave the house," Jimin teased, effectively ruining the Oscar award worthy moment they were just having. Jungkook chuckled, sitting next to him.
"So that's what this was about," he started, looking down at the crystal clear water rippling just behind them. "I guess it was pretty stupid of me to think you hadn't noticed."
Jimin shrugs, his eyes turned to the flowers. There was so much beauty to take in, and yet there was a silent agreement between the two of them that the most beautiful thing there wasn't to be looked at. There was no awkward tension, but they were very much adamant on not meeting eyes.
Jungkook took a deep breath, running his fingers through the water. He can see Jimin's reflection in the water, can see that he's turned to face him now, but Jungkook can't bring himself to look up. "I'm fine," he says, more to himself than to Jimin. "I haven't been trying to deal with it on my own anymore. Whenever I feel it coming, I talk to you. What else do you want?"
"I want you to be happy," Jimin replied. Before Jungkook could say that he was happy, Jimin continued, almost as if he could read the younger's mind. "And I don't in passing, either. I know you can't be happy all the time, but I want you to always be comfortable. With yourself, with where you are in life, with how you brain works..." Jungkook snaps his head up, finally looking Jimin in the eyes. This should have been sweet, romantic, even. Instead, Jungkook was bubbling with frustration. Who brought someone out to such a beautiful place just to imply that they were sick? If Jungkook didn't have better control over himself, he'd punch Jimin.
"I'm fine, okay!" His voice is louder now. "I'm not broken! I'm not some... sickly child. You aren't my fucking doctor!"
"You're right, I couldn't possibly be your doctor because you refuse to see one," Jimin retaliates more calmly than Jungkook, but his words are firm just the same. It shuts Jungkook up. "Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. There's nothing wrong with saying you need help, Jungkook." Hearing his name without the -ie at the end is admittedly a little jarring.
"You don't understand. How could you possibly understand?" Jungkook hung his head, hands still damp from the fountain when they came up to cover his face, growing more damp from the tears that now flowed from his eyes against his will. "Do you know how disappointed people would be if I had an anxiety disorder? What would my fans think? What would my father think?" Jimin scooted a little closer, draping an arm over Jungkook's shoulder. Jungkook doesn't protest, but his body shakes and he lets out a broken sob. "I've always been so weak, Jimin. I've always been the cry baby... it's just so much easier to pretend nothing wrong. Why can't you see that?"
Jimin chewed his lower lip nervous, desperately searching for an answer that wouldn't upset Jungkook. "Because it isn't true," he whispered, almost regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth, "Because your fans love you, because your father loves you... because I love you, so I know that they'll still love you, even if they don't fully understand."
Jungkook looked up at him slowly, face flooded with disbelief, as if what he said was a shock. Everyone knew the two of them were in love, could see it without even looking for it, but it hearing it still came as a shock to Jungkook.
"And I think everyone would want you to get help if you needed it, don't you think?"
Jungkook just stared into his eyes, still astonished. Jimin would take that as a yes, then. That he finally broke through to Jungkook. Though, that still left one more thing to be addressed.
Slowly, Jimin leaned in closer, pausing only a few inches from Jungkook's face, as if to ask for permission. Jungkook wills himself to move, closing the distance between the two, until the cold air between was nonexistent, now replaced by soft, warm lips and needy hands, desperately pulling one another impossibly closer. The kiss is brief, but passionate, and it takes Jungkook's breath away, fills him with something other than anxiety for once, something he can't quite place. Whatever that feeling is, he knows he likes it, wants more of it.
For now, Jungkook is content with leaning his forehead against Jimin's. "Why do you always have to be right?" Jungkook whispered, which earned a laugh from Jimin. Jungkook's eyes fluttered open, the soft expression on his face turning into a playful glare. "Shh! You're ruining the moment."