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“Your shoes are on the wrong feet,” she tells him. Before she had Alex, people didn’t think Clarke Griffin could smile. It now seems as if her smile was just reserved for a blonde, shaggy haired boy who was too innocent and lovely for this world.
“Oh,” he says looking down at his feet. He’s seven, nearly eight, and definitely should have figured out how to put his shoes on properly.
“Fix them up in the car, we’re running late,” she says around the apple in her mouth.
“Do I have to go to school?” And god damn it. Those few words are enough to break her heart.
She crouches down before him and wraps his hands up in hers. “Alex, sweetie, I know that you had a rough time at your old school but you’re starting fresh now. You’ll have a new teacher and maybe even new friends. Please?” Clarke likes to think the only reason Alex was bullied was because he was too good for everyone. He’s fiery and passionate, wild and adventurous, sharp as a tack. He’s everything she is (but friendlier and less angry). But he also has no dad, a mum that occasionally dates girls, and a love of art and reading that children his age don’t share.
“I don’t want them to call me Four Eyes again.” And glasses. He also has glasses.
She taps his nose. “I think you have the perfect amount of eyes.” She stands up and holds out a hand. “You coming?” The relief that courses through her when he places his hand in hers is unimaginable.
---
The good thing about Clarke’s job is that she can completely uproot her life for her son. She is the writer and illustrator of the wildly successful comic book superhero Commander Lexa. The name ‘Lexa’ was a somewhat unimaginative anagram of Alex and was inspired by the boy when he was five after he asked her to tell him stories about a ‘lady superhero’ before he went to sleep.
For his sixth birthday she made him an entire comic book about Lexa and her new sidekick, Phoenix (it was a long story. Basically it was inspired by their last name ‘Griffin’, just a different mythological creature. Phoenix wasn’t supposed to be comic-book-Clarke but Alex decided otherwise). She made it partly because Alex really loved the stories she made up about Lexa and partly because her job as a freelance graphic designer didn’t provide her with enough money to buy an actual present. One day when she was without any work (an unfortunately common occurrence) she sent off the comic book off to a publisher. The publisher had loved it and somehow the story had developed so that Lexa became ‘Commander Lexa’, a fearless leader in a post-apocalyptic world who fought the corrupt government. Clarke gained herself a team of people that helped her with the comic book and with which she has mostly only spoken to over the Internet.
Commander Lexa is currently lined up to get a movie adaption and Clarke earns a high enough salary already to move to a new town so Alex can escape his bullies. She also has a fan base herself, which is weird. She had done a few interviews and collaborated with some YouTube geeks but she didn’t realise people actually liked her until her she attended Comic-Con. There were people who wanted to know about what Commander Lexa had in store, Lexa/Phoenix shippers (Lenix, the ship was called) who wanted to know if they would date and others who were wondering if Commander Lexa would get a movie. But then there were others that praised her feminist ideals, her ability to make such a wonderful role model in Lexa and even in herself. They don’t even seem to mind her seriousness or how she’s a little cold and it never ceases to warm her heart.
Her job now largely entails drawing up ideas and sending them to her team for approval and checking her emails to reply to fans.
From: [email protected]
This movie adaptation better be fucking good. I’m not ready for hollywood to ruin another one of my favourite things.
-Raven
Clarke laughs to herself at the blunt email.
From: [email protected]
Hi Raven,
I’ll make sure of it.
Regards,
Clarke Griffin.
Clarke can never reply to all of the emails which sucks but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t try her hardest to.
From: [email protected]
Hello,
I just wanted to say that I saw your interview on Good Game. I was already a massive fan of Commander Lexa but I have to say, Clarke Griffin, I am now your fan too. What you’ve done is really inspiring. I grew up with a single mother myself but she didn’t handle it as well as you. Keep up the great work and I really look forward to the upcoming movie.
Big fan,
Bellamy Blake.
From: [email protected]
Hey Bellamy Blake,
Thank you very much for your email. I don’t think you realise how much it means to me when people give me compliments like that. Nonetheless, I’m just doing my best with what I’ve been offered. Commander Lexa has been a blessing for my child and I and it means so much to have such wonderful fans. I aim to please.
Regards,
Clarke Griffin.
---
“How was school?” she asks when he hops into the car. She knows already because he has a wide smile and he can’t sit still.
“It was so much fun. Our teacher is really nice and fun and he thinks my drawings are cool. And I made friends with this boy called Ben and this girl called Elizabeth but she likes it better when you call her Lizzie. And we played pretend at lunch and I was Harry Potter and Ben was Ron and Lizzie was Hermione. Lizzie said I should come over to her place on the weekend because her and Ben always hang out and play games. That would be okay, wouldn’t it? Oh, and I also thought of a new idea for Lexa but don’t worry, I wrote in the back of my book where no one could see. And guess what? One of the boys in my class said he likes my glasses because they’re blue.”
Clarke has never smiled so wide. She nearly cries but she knows that Alex doesn’t really get that sometimes you cry when you’re happy and he’ll probably just think she’s upset. So she just says, “I’m so happy for you, buddy”, and doesn’t cry until after she puts Alex to bed.
---
“Mum! Mum, guess what!?” Alex yells as he jumps into the car. They’ve been living in the new town for nearly two and a half months and it’s starting to feel like home. Alex has become close friends with the very adorable and very dorky Lizzie and Ben and Clarke is even trying to make some friends of her own. ‘Trying’ being the key word. The mothers at the school turn their noses up at her, even Ben’s and Lizzie’s which she tries to ignore when Alex has play dates with their children. At the moment her only friends are Monty, the IT guy who has to keep repairing her computer and is so shy he didn’t tell her he was a fan of her and her work until her third time she gave in her computer, and Octavia, the bartender at the local bar. It’s not much but it’s all right. And she has Alex, who is currently bouncing up and down on his seat.
“What is it, buddy?” she asks the bundle of energy that has taken residence in her car.
“We had to draw these self portraits in class and Mr Blake liked mine so much that he asked if he could send it off for a competition!”
“Alex! That’s wonderful!”
Mr Blake is Alex’s new teacher and Clarke’s pretty sure the kid is halfway in love with him. Mr Blake is also, as she only recently found out, Octavia’s older brother and his name is Bellamy. Clarke’s never met him but she owes a lot to him. Apparently some boy in Alex’s class told him he was ‘probably a mistake and has a whore for a mother’. Clarke doesn’t hate the kid. She knows those words were likely borrowed from a parent that knows nothing about her except that she’s too young to have a seven-nearly-eight-year-old child and is unmarried. But what does matter is that this Mr Blake was able to console Alex enough that when he relayed the story to Clarke he didn’t cry. And the fact that Alex has someone on his side means a lot to Clarke.
---
Alex’s picture gets chosen for an inter-schools art show which is very adorable. Mainly because they get handed apple juice in wine glasses and they have to dress up. Clarke tries not to think about how the last time Alex was dressed in a suit he was attending his father’s funeral. Alex drags her by the hand through the rows of pictures and sculptures until he finds his drawing. He’s drawn his glasses big and blue like they’re a feature he’s proud of. His hair is golden and is spread out in all directions as if he’s lying down and he’s made a background of bursting colours. Clarke squeezes his hand.
“It’s beautiful, Alex.”
He smiles up at her and he looks so damn proud that she nearly happy cries again but she luckily manages to hold it in.
“Alex!” a deep voice calls for behind her. The man it belongs to is unfairly handsome and has his eyes locked on her son. “I see you found your artwork. What do you think?” His eyes move up to her and she holds out her hand.
“Hi, I’m—”
“Clarke Griffin,” the man she presumes is Mr Blake interrupts. “Sorry, it’s just—I’m a big fan. God, I should have realised. I mean with the last name and the thing Alex wrote about you—”
“Wait, what thing?”
“He hasn’t shown you?” He pauses to look down at Alex who is pretending he’s interested in the painting next to his. “I asked them to write about someone who inspires them. Most of the kids wrote about superstars or sports people but Alex wrote about his superhero mother.” Alex has edged even further away to study a photograph.
“No, he hasn’t shown me that.”
“Well I know he has a draft in his work book but if you want to see the final copy, they’re hanging up in the class room.”
---
She ends up spending a lot of the night talking to Bellamy Blake. He tells her that he emailed her a while back regarding the comic book and that he was surprised to get a response. She tells him how she’s been hanging out with his sister when she has the time. She finds that Bellamy is passionate and charming and she definitely wouldn’t mind spending more time with him.
Alex ends up winning 3rd place in the 12 years and under drawing category and he bounds up the stage with the biggest smile on his face. Clarke doesn’t give a fuck about the disgruntled parents she shoves aside to get a good photo. When he leaves the stage he gives Bellamy a high-five before jumping into his mother’s arms.
By the time they leave Alex is tired of his suit jacket and how much his mother is talking to his teacher. As he tugs Clarke to the door, Bellamy calls out, “remember to come and see what Alex wrote about you!” She tries to tell herself that the only reason she’s exited about is because she’s curious about what Alex wrote and not at all because Bellamy Blake is really hot and really wonderful.
---
The Person Who Inspires Me Most By Alex Griffin
The person who inspires me the most is my mum. A lot of the other mums don’t really like her because she’s younger, prettier and cooler than them. She calls me “buddy” and she’s pretty much my best friend. She likes my glasses even though they’re real big.
She writes about superheros but she’s the real superhero. She doesn’t have a husband or a wife like the other mums but she doesn’t care very much. She used to have a husband but he’s dead now. I know that must really suck because when you marry someone you have to love them a whole lot. We used to be real poor and mum sold her wedding ring so she could buy me a bike which was very nice because it was a real pretty ring with lots of diamonds. My mum’s really strong and she hardly ever cries and when I hurt myself she helps me out. I love her a whole lot and I want to grow up to be as cool as her.
Clarke drags a hand across her cheek and is grateful that Alex’s is playing handball against the wall outside the classroom so he won’t see her pathetic tears. Bellamy is a different story and he places a hand on her shoulder.
“You okay?”
She gives a watery laugh as the multi-coloured sheets of craft paper that make up the ‘Inspiring Person’ wall blur together. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
His thumb rubs rough yet soothing circles on her shoulder. “He really admires you.”
She looks out to the boy whose rubber handball is hitting out a haphazard beat. “He’s far too kind. I know he didn’t get that from me.”
---
The next time she goes to see Octavia at the bar Bellamy is there and her hands become sweaty.
“Hi,” she says, taking the seat next to him.
“Hi,” he says with a small smile.
Octavia strides over to them, roughly wiping the glass in her hands. “Hey Clarke. Hope you don’t mind that my brother’s here. He wouldn’t stop talking about you. I knew he was a fan of your ‘Chief Lexa’ or whatever but I didn’t realise how much of a fan he was.”
“It’s Commander Lexa,” corrects Bellamy who’s suddenly very interested in the rim of his glass.
“Potato, potahto.” A customer from across the bar drunkenly calls for Octavia’s attention. “Fucks sake,” she grumbles beneath her breath as she walks away. “I’m not your fucking maid.”
“I don’t know how she got a job in the service industry. She’s not the best with people.” Bellamy says once Octavia’s gone.
“Yeah, well she’s kind of my muse when it comes to Lexa’s grumpy one liners so I hope her customer service never improves.”
“Hey, if I get you drunk enough will you tell me if Lenix is gonna happen? Because I’d be really disappointed if you made Lexa fall in love with that Gustus guy.”
“No way. You will never get that information out of me.”
“Yeah, you say that but all I hear is a challenge,” he says with a smirk.
“Do your worst, Bellamy.”
---
Apparently you can’t get Clarke Griffin drunk enough to spill the beans on Lenix but if you’re a hot teacher you can definitely get her drunk enough to make out with you against the brick wall of a bar. The air is cold and thrilling and Bellamy’s hands and mouth are molten lava against her skin. She moans his name into his mouth and he pulls her away from the wall to his car.
“I shouldn’t,” he breathes into her lips but he has one hand up her top and the other in her hair.
“You will,” she demands because, fuck, she needs this.
He drives her to his apartment, his knee jumping up and down the whole ride. He is definitely too drunk to be behind the wheel and he definitely goes over the speed limit.
He carries her to his bed where he drops her. He just stares at her for a moment before saying, “I can’t believe this is happening.” She drags him down by his shirt (which she can’t believe is still on) and kisses him as hard as she can. Their tongues compete for dominance and his fingers dig into her skin. When they break apart it’s all frantic hands as they undress each other. Then he’s inside her and she never wants to be without him.
---
“Shit,” she whispers when she wakes. “Alex.”
Bellamy stirs beside her, his warm hands trying to tug her in. “What’s up?”
“Oh, god. You must think I’m a terrible mother. He’s really independent for his age, I promise. I’m not just abandoning—”
“Clarke. I’m willing to believe you if it means you’ll stay a bit longer.”
She doesn’t worry much anymore once she lets Bellamy pull her in.
---
She waits until she’s sure before telling Alex about her and Bellamy. He loves his teacher too much and she doesn’t want to see him get his heart broken.
“How much do you love my mum?” he asks Bellamy with his hands folded across his chest.
“This much,” Bellamy says, spreading out his arms.
Alex squints at the space between Bellamy’s hands. “Well that’s not as much as me but I guess that’ll have to do.”
That night when Bellamy presses her down against her sheets she whispers, “Lenix is endgame.”
“I fucking knew it,” he says before kissing her senseless.