Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

One day the world ended, not with a bang or a flash of light or any sound or event. It was quiet, a silent apocalypse that everyone could feel but no one could see or even notice.

That was just it. It was all over. The Foundation tried to scrape up anything, some hint that the anomalous world was still there. There was nothing.

The war was over. All that was left was to send everybody home.

Meridiana Wojciechoski was her name according to the little plastic card given to her. She was twenty-two years old, she was just over six feet tall, and, as far as anyone was ever concerned, she was and had always been, a perfectly normal human woman.

“We can relocate you to wherever you want and provide you enough money to get on your feet. After that, the Foundation never existed and you’re on your own. Are you following me?”

Meri nods slowly despite very much not following. She had questions of course. Like where she was going to live and what money was and why she woke up one day with feet instead of hooves. But she was worried it would be impolite to jump out with her concerns.

“Of course you could go stay with your father. I’m sure he’ll be happy to have you.”

Meri stood up straighter, opening her mouth to say something only to find her throat dry.

“It’s not a requirement, of course. You are an adult so he has no claim over you. But he has been very eager to see you. You can discuss your arrangements with him if you would like.”

“I would like to see him!” Meri says, a little too loudly. She recoils at herself, mumbling out an apology and nervously looking away.

The doctor gives her an odd look, something akin to sympathy in her eyes.

“If that’s what you want. Assuming you’ve gathered everything you want from here, I can take you to see him now.”

Oh like, like, now now? Like right this second in this moment now?

Meri glances around the room, once overfilled with flowers and now covered in slowly dying weeds. She had nothing here besides a bible and a carefully preserved note tucked inside.

She puts this book inside the backpack of clothes and other toiletries provided for her and takes up her crutches. One symptom of going from half-deer to full-human was that her new legs weren’t exactly perfect. She could barely stand without support, which obviously is what these crutches are for.

“I’m ready. I- I’m ready!” She stands up straight, swallowing down the bile crawling up her throat.

The doctor nods. “Right this way then.”

No getting out of this now. They walk down the quiet hallways, passing by other doctors packing up their stuff and helping the remaining humanoids to safety. Everyone doing their best to move on after the end of the world.

And there he was, sitting on an uncomfortable looking chair in a wide open room. The same bright blonde hair and mismatched eyes as her, he even had his own cane tucked between his legs. When she enters the room he stands, picking up a loopsided bouquet of flowers.

Meri’s escort pats her on the shoulder and leaves her. She’s alone with him now.

The note sits in her backpack, tucked between pages right next to Exodus 20:12. It’s crumped and worn from six years of being folded and unfolded.

This was her mother’s murderer, Meri suddenly thinks. And woah does she not want to think about that. Let’s just… tuck that away into the vault… and it’s gone! To be processed later.

The silence stretches, neither quite sure how to end their unspoken staring contest. Meri steels herself, deciding she’ll be the one to break the ice.

“H-” she takes a step forward and her shoe slips on the smooth tile. She stumbles, her face prepared to meet the floor.

She doesn’t crash though. She opens her eyes, not sure when she squeezed them shut, to find her father’s arms wrapped around her waist, holding her up. The bouquet of flowers is crushed between them.

Meri struggles to find her words or her breath. He’s squeezing her a little too tight and he doesn’t let go when she gets her crutches in place and straightens out.

“D-dad?” She brings a shaky hand up to rest on the back of his head. His hair smells like strawberries and it’s slightly damp.

The touch makes him flinch. He stumbles back, freeing her from his embrace. He looks at the crushed bouquet, his face crimson red.

“I- uh- hey,” he begins. His mouth hangs open, letting out a soft squeak rather than words.

“You’re my father,” she states neutrally. Unsure of what emotions she’s feeling she opts to feel none of them.

“Yes! That’s- uh yeah- that’s me. I’m going to be taking care of you now. If- if you want me to take care of you now?”

“Yes, that would- I would like that.”

“Oh you- really? I mean I- you don’t wanna-? Uh good! That’s good! Come with me! This- this way.”

He leads her through more winding hallways and out the front door.

She stands outside, slowly taking a deep breath of real, unfiltered, fresh air, and letting it out. It smells like fresh cut grass and of trees and dirt. A gust of wind passes by, waving her hair around.

She looks up, feeling the warm sun hit her face for the first time in ten years.

This is the end of the world.

Her father waits for her by his truck. He stares at the plain white building, eyes welding up with tears he quickly wipes away before she can see. With one last look, he nods, and looks away.

“Just put your bag back here.” He slaps the pickup bed. She shrugs the bag off her shoulders and sets it down without a word.

“You have your I.D.?”

She nods, patting her dress pocket.

“What about your birth certificate? And your social security number? Did they set up a passport for you?” He somehow looked more nervous than her and that was saying someone.

“Okay- alright- we’ll figure that out later. Do you want to go somewhere to eat or- I can make something at home…” He fades out his voice with that last phrase.

“I’m good with anything.” Meri, who had never had any choice over what she could eat, was suddenly very overwhelmed by the fact she had options now. What the fuck is she supposed to do with options?!?

“I’ll make something at home- er- get something delivered. You’ve never had pizza before! That’s what we’re going to do.”

He opens the driver’s side door and hops in only to immediately get back out to guide her to the passengers side. He opens the door for her and helps her in, setting the crushed bouquet on her lap.

“When we’re driving you need to have your seatbelt on. So you take this thing-” he pulls the belt out and hands her the tongue-piece, “- and stick it here.” He reaches over her lap to tap the buckle.

She follows his motions, clipping in her buckle. It tightens, squeezing her uncomfortably and digging into her skin at an awkward angle.

“Is that good?”

“... it’s fine,” she says, voice strained.

“Alright… Just tuck your- here let me-” he tucks Meri’s crutches under her seat and closes the door.

The sky is so much more blue than she remembers. Everything is brighter here than in her tiny cell. It almost hurts her eyes.

“I’ve been in charge of your containment since- well I mean- not in charge. After the Foundation found you, what, ten years ago? I’ve been working with them since then. I always wanted to make things more comfortable for you,” Clef says, feeling the need to explain himself to her

“Thank you. For that I mean. I’m sure you did your best.”

“Well I’m gonna be better now. Once we get situated we’ll go shopping. Get you some nice clothes, decorate however you like. I’ll do better by you. We’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.”

Meri wasn’t sure how you could lose time, but she’ll take his word for it.

She examines the bouquet, smoothing her thumb over a crumpled petal. There’s a variety of ruined flowers. Roses, daffodils, sunflowers, lilies… No one’s ever given her flowers before, not that she ever had shortage of flowers around her.

They pull up to a wooden shack. It was surrounded by woods and a decent distance from the rest of civilization. Reminded of the convent she grew up in, Meri feels comforted.

“This is the place. Say hello to your new home!”

“Hello… new home…” Meri mumbles, nausea overcoming her. So much for that feeling of comfort.

She stumbles out of the car, taking in the sweet smell of nature. Makes her feel a bit better.

“Come on, hon!” Clef stands on the porch, waving her over.

She trails after him, struggling more on her crutches on the uneven dirt path than she did on the Foundation’s smooth floors. She makes it to the porch, the worn and splintered wood creaking underneath her.

“Come on in.”

“W-wait my bag!” She peers over her shoulder, not stoked about making the trip back.

“It’s fine. I can grab it in a second. Come in. Make yourself comfortable.”

Meri is immediately hit in the face with the smell of this place. Not a bad smell per se but a new and strange one. The smell of a house that’s been lived in rather than a carefully sanitized cell.

“Sorry about the mess,” Clef says, passing by the very recently swept and vacuumed living room. There’s several water-filled mason jars of flower bouquets scattered about in various states. Clef fetches a fresh jar and puts Meri’s crumpled bouquet in.

“I’ve got your bedroom in here.”

He leads her to a room down a hall. The walls are painted an obnoxious shade of pink. Freshly painted too, she could smell the paint from the hallway. There’s a nightstand with a unicorn shaped lamp in a corner. A memory foam mattress lays on the floor next to a half built bed frame and various scattered tools. The room is barren except for that.

“Sorry your bed isn’t finished. I didn’t know if- if they would let me take you home today.” Clef frowns, looking away from her. “You can sleep on my bed tonight. I’ll get this put together.”

“It’s okay. It’s fine.”

She jumps and nearly squeals when she feels something brush against her legs. She stumbles back, spotting a strange, fuzzy little creature on the floor. It had a crooked ear and it was blind in one eye.

“Oh there you are, you fuzzy little bastard.” Clef scoops the creature up in his arms and rubs the underside of its chin. “Been scratching up all my furniture, hm? Nasty little fuck.” The creature makes a strange sound, like the rumbling of distant thunder.

“Wh- what is that?”

“Huh?” He tilts his head at her. “You mean this?” He holds the creature out to her.

The creature makes a strange squeak, looking at Meri was its one beady eye. Meri grimaces, biting down on her lip.

“This is just a cat. A mangy little one too. Found him eating scraps of chicken in my garbage can once and now he thinks I own him.”

Oh that’s what a cat is. Makes more sense than the picture Meri drew up in her head.

“Anyways. I promise to get this room set up soon. I bet you’re hungry, I can go order food.”

Meri wasn’t particularly hungry but she wasn’t one to argue.

“You eat cheese right? And meat? Let me know if you don’t, I can get a vegan pizza.” He looks at her expectantly.

“Anything’s fine,” Meri says, barely sure herself. She ate what the Foundation, or the nuns, provided to her without question. Who was she to dictate what she could eat?

“Alright. I’ll just order a regular pepperoni pizza then.”

“Okay that’s fine.” Pepperoni?

Meri takes a seat at the kitchen table, running her finger across the bumpy surface of the wooden top. Her legs and arms were starting to get strained from all this moving around.

Clef sits across from her, talking into something in his hand. A phone? Definitely a lot different from the phones she’s used to.

He hangs up the phone, setting it down with a klatter. They spend several moments avoiding eye contact with each other. Clef’s cat leaps into his lap, digging his claws into Clef’s legs.

Meri stares at the floor, starting to feel a little dizzy. Clef scratches the back of his head, oblivious to her inner turmoil. He clears his throat.

“I’m sure you have some questions for me.”

“I do…”

…

“Well…?”

“I’m- I’m thinking.” She takes a deep breath, clutching her shaky hands into fists. “This is really you? You’re really my father?”

Clef nods. “Disappointed?”

“No.” Yes? She’s not really sure what emotion she’s feeling.

“It’s alright. It’s a lot to take in. I want to get you settled in and comfortable and then you can figure out what you think of me. Do you have any other questions right now?”

She had one of course, but it would definitely kill the mood.

“No.”

“Alright. You don’t hesitate to ask. Anything at all.”

Meri stays silent, staring Clef down. He shifts uncomfortably. The cat jumps out of his lap and thunks onto the floor. Outside a strong breeze passes by, rattling the house.

Meri can hear everything in this house and during every awkward pause and extended silence she was very aware of how fucking loud everything was. There’s so many more sensations in this tiny house in the middle of nowhere than she ever experienced in the controlled Foundation.

There’s a knock on the door, not hard but firm. Meri jumps, staring at the door like a deer in headlights. If she had her larger ears they would be standing straight up.

Clef glances at his watch. “Must be lunch. Those pizza boys are fast.”

Clef talks for a moment to the person on the other side of the door. Meri can’t make out any specific words but she is smacked in the face with the scent of something awful.

She clamps a hand over her mouth, swallowing down a dry retch. Clef closes the door, carrying a grease soaked box. He sets it down before her and it’s a real effort not to get sick now.

He opens the box and Meri almost gags. Clef, again, is oblivious to her plight. He takes a slice, the cheese stretching and oil running down his arm.

“I’ll get you a plate.” Clef places a paper plate before her as well as a roll of paper towels, the first Godsend in this place.

“Is everything okay?” He asks, finally noticing her horrified expression at this atrocity to her God.

“I’m fine,” she squeaks, voice small.

“If you don’t like it I can-”

“No- it’s fine!” She says with a little more force. She has to power through it or else she’ll seem ungrateful.

She grabs a paper towel and scoops up a slice. It droops, weighed down by its sins. She takes a bite, the false cheese stretching like rubber.

Oh wow, that sure is a texture and not in a good way. She chews, experiencing the wonders of grease for the first time ever.

Her stomach rejects this. Despite her best efforts, she gags, spitting the grease ball onto the plate in a cat-like manner. Clef jumps, rushing to her side in case she’s about to choke.

“Meri! Meri speak to me!”

She coughs, grabbing a handful of paper towels to wipe her face off. Clef rubs her back which would feel nice if she wasn’t highly uncomfortable.

“Are you okay? Was it too hot? Oh shit I should’ve gotten you checked out for allergies! Fuck!”

“I’m fine…” Meri says in a barely convincing tone. She cringes, pushing the remains of her meal away from her. “I’m not hungry anymore. Please…”

She feels ashamed of herself, she never would’ve pulled something like that with the nuns or the Foundation. Clef doesn’t look upset, at least not with her, more concerned. She’s not sure how to feel about that.

“You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want.” He tosses Meri’s mess into the garbage can and sticks the pizza box on top of the fridge.

Meri nods, shaking in her seat. She stands up, using the table to hold herself up.

“I think I wanna lay down,” she mumbles.

“Of course, here-” he slips his arm under her shoulders and helps her to his bedroom.

He lays her out on his bed. It smells like coffee and cigarettes. He tucks her in, wrapping her up in the blanket.

“Hey, what’s this?” She wiggles her arms out, reaching for a strange pillow in the bed next to her. It appeared to have a picture of a man-

“Oh that’s nothing!” He snatches it and shuffles backwards before she can get a good look at it. He stuffs it into his closet while keeping his eyes on her.

“If you need anything, just shout… I’ll be in the other room, I’m gonna put together your room… Yep-” he backs out, turning the lights out and leaving the door cracked open.

He walks down the hall into her room, closing the door behind him. She curls up on her side, hugging her knees to her chest.

In the other room she can hear her father crying. He’s trying to keep it down but the walls are so thin that it creeps in. Is he crying because of her?

Soon the sound of crying quiets down, buried under the sound of power tools and hammers as he finishes her bed. She squeezes the pillow over her ears, a single tear running down her nose.

***

Clef was used to silence, he wasn’t used to how suffocating his house was. For the first time, possibly ever, he cared about the state of his home.

It was fine for him to live in a tiny shack in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by filth and squalor. He deserved no better and no worse and for his part he was totally fine with it. But Meri deserved better than what Clef afforded for himself, she deserved better than what the world had to offer her.

He lays on the floor next to the completed bed frame, contemplating, oddly enough, how he should stick plastic stars to the ceiling. Perhaps that’s something they could do together, or something he could watch her do as he failed to reach the ceiling.

Yeah, that would be nice…

He’s crying again. Not as intense as the waves of emotions that crashed against him before, no he’s spent those feelings already. All that’s left is a steady stream flowing from his eyes and onto the floor.

His cat, the ugly bastard, lays next to him, snapping him out of his thoughts with those gross, wet, licking sounds. Clef groans, sitting up.

He stands, bones creaking, and goes to check on Meri. She’s fast asleep, curled up in Clef’s old, worn blanket. She looks peaceful. Clef closes the door, leaving her to her dreams.

He steps into his kitchen, reaches into his cabinet for a plastic cup, and runs the cup under the faucet for a drink. He sits down at his kitchen table, realizing now that he only had one kitchen chair.

He never invited anyone here, there were only about three people who even knew where he lived at all. This chair is uncomfortable too, the whole kitchen set has to go.

His stove is filthy too. On the rare chances that he cooked and didn’t just eat out it never occurred to him to clean the stove. It’s absolutely disgusting!

And his dishes too. He gave up on washing dishes years ago, choosing instead to eat purely off of disposal plates and bowls. That wouldn’t do for Meri. She deserves high class dishware and better water than this dusty, probably lead filled, water Clef was drinking right now.

He’ll get a water filter, and a dishwasher too. And he’ll fix his air conditioner. He’ll wash the grime off every surface. He already repainted one room, why not do the whole house? She can pick the colors and they’ll paint the house together!

Like a family…

Clef pulls out a notebook, making a list of things he needs to improve for her sake. He also writes down Buy Parenthood Book underneath his home improvements.

In the midst of Clef’s sudden desire to self-improve he remembers that he has in fact invited a person over to his house before.

He’s invited that one person over multiple times in fact. Of course, in those specific instances he never actually let this person in his house, just over to the lake nearby where they could drink and smoke to their heart's content.

He would know what to do. He has something Clef will never get which is experience raising a child. He would do a much better job than Clef ever could.

He also thinks Clef is dead. Probably because Clef did a really good job faking it.

Clef tells himself that it’s for his own good. That he would, and he really would, be happier with Clef dead and forgotten. Clef tells himself that this part of his new selflessness thing he’s got going for him, turning over a new leaf and all.

Like most things Clef tells himself, that’s a lie. One day Clef will find an excuse to insert himself back into his life. And someday Clef will find it in himself to admit a very guarded secret to him.

Not tonight though.

Tonight he’s going to harass his old secretary turned security.

Somewhere, Andrea Adams is sleeping. Mostly because it’s the middle of the night but somewhat because it’s the first time in ages she can sleep without being disturbed by the world ending, as it likes to do.

She, like most people, is trying very hard not to consider what the end of the world actually means for her. She’d much rather stay on this slowly sinking ship that is the Foundation than jump into the unknown waters of her future.

Her sleep is interrupted by her phone going off. And not her usual phone but her work phone. The one she completely forgot about and has to get out of bed and dig it out of a box to stop its incessant ringing.

“Hello?” Her voice was still groggy from just waking up. Whoever had the gall to call her at this hour deserves a spike through the head she’d be glad to provide.

“NOT SLEEPING ON THE FUCKING JOB, ARE YOU!?”

The sound of Adams yelping and dropping the phone was music to Clef’s ears. Though, he does hope he didn’t disturb Meri with that.

“Sir? Sir! Clef? I thought you shot yourself?”

“That was like two weeks ago, get with the program.”

Adams groans.

“Anyway I’m not calling for work reasons, you’re fired by the way, I want to do a little thought experiment with you.”

There’s a long pause. For a moment Clef thinks he’s been hung up on. He would really respect her if she hung up on him. Proud even.

“Okay… What’s your thought experiment.”

“So let’s say, purely as a hypothetical possibility, I obtain a child through perfectly legal and normal means.”

“...okay.”

“And let’s say this hypothetical child is about twenty years old.”

“Not what a child is.”

“And so, a hypothetical version of me has this hypothetical twenty-year-old child. And there’s a bit of a social gap. What’s a good way for this other me to bond with this fictional child?”

…

“Adams?”

“Disrespectfully, sir, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“We’re doing a thought experiment. Keep up with me here.”

Adams sighs softly.

“Sir? What is this really about?”

Clef would really like to tell her. He really would. Between her and the rest of the Foundation he really did trust her.

But, like the coward he is, he won’t tell her. He won’t be the one to invite her into his life, even if it is the end of the world. Not directly.

He just can’t.

Not yet.

“I’m fucking with you. Maybe I just wanted to make sure you aren’t slacking off in the apocalypse.”

She laughs dryly. “Sure. I’ve been perfectly productive.”

“And just so you know, I’m totally and completely dead. But, like, I know a guy, some people call him Francis, and I’m sure he’ll be happy to support you. Emotionally or whatever.”

There’s a pause. Was that too far? Too personal?

“Yeah… Thanks…”

Another pause.

“And for your whole ‘thought experiment’. If I suddenly had custody over a kid and I wanted to get to know them I’d say a trip. Get them out into the world.”

“What? Like that stunt you pulled with Iris a few years ago?”

“Something like that. Maybe not bar crawling if they’re under age. More like a road trip.”

Clef takes his notebook, flips to an empty page, and scribbles down Road Trip?

“Anyway, unless you’re gonna unfire me I’m going to bed.”

“Alright. Thanks for engaging in hypotheticals. Just remember-”

“You’re dead I get it. Dead people don’t wake me up in the middle of the night. Goodnight.”

Clef smirks. He really was proud of her. “Goodnight, Adams.”

He hangs up, wondering how long it will take him to regret that decision. He glances over his notebook, flipping through his plans for home improvement and things for Meri.

Underneath Road Trip? he scribbles down Disney World?

Chapter Text

Meri didn’t have a clue how many books there were in the world. It was one of the few hobbies she was afforded in the convent and so one of the few things she requested in the Foundation. And now she was surrounded by books she wouldn’t have even thought to read. 

Her room was a mess, a product of her indecision and Clef’s insistence on buying her anything she even looked at. This seemed to be how girl’s rooms tended to look in the TV shows she’s seen so maybe she’s onto something. 

It was today, as Meri was flipping through a copy of The Hobbit, that Clef knocked on her door. She holds back a groan, sure she’s about to be dragged to another doctor’s appointment or shopping trip. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate it, but it’s been barely two months and she’s already experienced more things in that time than she has in her whole life.

It was a bit much. 

“Come in?” She calls, slipping her bookmark between the pages.

Clef lets himself in, holding her lunch on a porcelain plate. She sits up, making room to take it from him. 

“I want to talk to you a bit.” 

Oh boy.

“I know the past couple of- can I sit next to you?” 

She nods, scooting over on her bed. He sits down, the bed creaking underneath him. 

“So I know the past couple of weeks have been busy, and a bit overwhelming.” 

Underselling it a bit. 

 “I’m sorry that your first glimpse of the real world was the inside of more doctors' offices. I promise it’s all very important for the future and I’m glad we got it over with.” 

“It’s okay.” 

“But, now that we have all the important stuff out of the way, I’ve been planning something really fun for the two of us.” 

He pauses for dramatic affect. 

“We’re going to Disney World!” 

Meri tilts her head at him. It was clear he expected her to be excited about this but the term Disney World just sounded like gibberish to her. She does her best to grin but it’s visibly forced. 

He shrinks a little, awkwardly clearing his throat. 

“You’ll like it there. It’s an amusement park. You know how we drive in my car a lot? It’s like that but- like- open. And more fun. Here let me-” 

He gets up and steps out, returning moments later with his laptop. He sets it in her lap, open on the Disney World website. 

“Here. You can look at some pictures of the different rides and- there’s other stuff too.” 

He guides her hand, clicking through different images and maps of the park. It certainly looked cool. She’s never heard or seen anything like this so it really means nothing to her.

But he looks so excited, beginning to ramble a bit. None of his explanation sticks to her, but it’s important to him. So it’s important to her. 

“This seems really cool!” She says, doing her best impression of someone who means that. “When are we going?” 

He smiles at her. “We’re leaving in three days. Uhh so on the first day we’re going to drive there and do the first park in one day. Then one day dedicated to the other three parks. Then driving home. So three days until, four and a half day trip. Yeah?” 

She nods along.

“So I’d say pack seven outfits- yeah yeah that’s right. Pack seven outfits, something you want to sleep in, and your crutches obviously. I’ll pack everything else.” 

“Alright I’ll do that!” 

“Great! I’ll bring you a suitcase in a bit. I’ll leave you alone now. Let me know if you’re still hungry and all.” 

“I will, da- yeah I will!” She gives a thumbs up. 

He steps out, taking his laptop and closing the door behind him. Once he’s gone Meri sighs, laying down and putting her face in her pink, fluffy pillow. 

Three days later Meri is sitting in the driver's seat of her father’s truck, key in hand.

“What am I doing here?” She grips the steering wheel and key tightly. 

“I thought we could get a little driving practice in. I just want to get you to drive us to the gas station. Then I can teach you how to pump gas. 'kay?" 

“Um… okay. What am I doing?” 

“Okay, first things first, put your foot on the break.”

“Uh… Which one’s the break?” 

“Middle one- right there. Yeah good! Now take this and stick it in the ignition port. That’s right here.” Clef taps a finger against the hand holding the key and then the ignition port. 

Meri flips the key around in her hand. Clef gently, if you can describe anything about him as gentle, puts a hand on Meri’s, guiding the key in and turning it. The car sputters to life, several small lights filling her vision. 

She wasn’t sure if that’s what a car was supposed to sound like, but to be fair she’s only been in one other car and that was in the back surrounded by armed guards. 

“You’re doin’ good. Okay next put your hand on this,” Clef says, grabbing her wrist and putting it on the gear-shift. She wondered, silently, what the point of telling her what to do was if he was just going to do it for her. 

Hand over her’s, Clef pulls the Gear-shift down to D. 

“Don’t be so tense. Nobody really goes up this road here and once you’re on the real road it’ll feel natural. Okay?

Meri gave a thumbs up and an approximation of a smile. She didn’t know what a gas station was or why she had to be the one to drive there or why anyone would ever use a car anyway. But she kept those questions to herself so as to not to kill the mood.

“This thing-” he points to the speed meter, “-doesn’t work, but nobody looks at that thing anyway. If you’re going the same speed as the guy next to you, you're probably good.” 

“What do I do if I get pulled over?” That was a thing that happened, right? Should she be worried?

“That’s fine I’ll just- er-” Clef cuts himself off, remembering that neither of them had a driver’s license.

Before if he got pulled over he could just spray some liquid amnestics on the cops and speed off but he didn’t exactly have amnestics anymore and he did want to try to be a law-abiding citizen, if only because the Foundation wouldn’t bail him out anymore. 

“Just don’t get pulled over, ‘kay?” 

“...Okay.” 

“You can take your foot off the brake now, and ease onto the gas. You don’t have to speed down the road but you can put some oomf into it.” 

Meri looks down at the car floor, slowly taking her foot off the brake. She was still weirded out by the fact she even had feet and not hooves anymore. At least with her horns she was used to them falling off occasionally but this was weird. 

“Is this… right?” With shaky hands she turns the wheel, the car slowly rolling onto the road. 

“You’re doing great hon’! Just get centered and go for it.” 

Sweat dripping down her forehead, Meri drives down the road at a snail’s pace. Clef puts a hand on her shoulder in a gesture that was intended to be comforting but just made her tense. 

The ground crumbles and crunches beneath the car, leading to a very bumpy ride. 

“You’re doing fine. You see the paved road up ahead? When you reach that you use your turn signal. Put your hand on the turn signal?” 

She puts her hand on something and the windshield wipers come on. 

“The thing below that. Should it have some arrows on it?”

She turns off the windshield wipers, grabbing the thing Clef described. A blinking light appears on the dashboard, accompanied by a synchronized clicking sound.

“Good! Good. Now slowly put your foot down on the brake here.”

The truck comes to a jolting stop right as the dirt road reaches the paved road. Meri wipes the sweat off her forehead and tucks her hair behind her ears. 

“Now make the turn signal point right. That way people around us know which way you plan on going.”

“I don’t see you ever using this thing.” 

“Oh- well you see-” he laughs softly, cheeks flushing. “You should be better than me, alright?” 

“Alright…” She flips the knob so the right turn signal is on.

“Now just lean forward and make sure there’s no cars coming. The road looks real empty now but you never know when somebody’s gonna speed past.” 

“Okay. Okay I’m gonna go now.” 

“Don’t be so nervous, you’re doing pretty good.” 

Meri rolls onto the paved road, centering herself. On the smoother road she feels a little more confident. 

From the other lane a car bolts past, definitely speeding and way too close to the center line. Couple inches over and they would’ve taken the side-mirror clean off.

Clef rolls down the window and sticks his head out. “Watch where you’re fucking going, cuntbag!” It’s a useless gesture given that the car is well and gone and Meri swears his accent changed when he shouted that. 

Without being told Meri pulls the car off to the side and puts it back into park. She trembles, bunching her fists up in her skirt. 

“You want me to drive the rest of the way?” 

Meri nods, already grabbing her crutches and getting out of the car. 

Scooting his backpack off his lap and grabbing his own cane, Clef hops over the space between the two seats into the driver’s seat. It’s a nearly silent drive to the gas station and for once Meri savors it.  

Meri tries not to feel sick as the smell of gasoline fills the car. She’s always had a weak stomach. She holds it down, hoping this would be a quick stop. 

“I can see you’re a little stressed. I’ll pump the gas. Need to use the bathroom or get a snack or anything?”

“I’m fine.” 

“Alrighty I’ll grab something for you.”

“No, I just want to-!” He’s already gone. 

With a heavy sigh Meri cranks up the fan in hopes it would help the stinch. It doesn’t really. To distract herself she fumbles through the bag at her feet, curious what Clef thought to bring. 

She finds her inhaler, a stack of receipts  that may or may not be related to anything, a stack of maps with the Disney logo on them, a pink wallet that’s probably for her, a never-used back-up inhaler, and… a heavy book titled Reconnecting with Your Kids: No Last Chances Between Family.

A bold title to say the least. What’s this all about? 

There were several bookmarks sticking out and Meri couldn’t help but feel like she wasn’t supposed to know about this. Well… she knew about it now and she was just curious what was important enough he tabbed it out.

The first tab was a chapter titled Single Parenthood. Made enough sense, Meri had never had the confidence to ask about her mother and what happened between them. 

The second tab was a random page with a few bits underlined. Nothing too important. Meri wishes she could read whatever Clef scribbled in the margins. 

The third tab was a chapter titled Being a Previously Absent Parent. That was an interesting way of putting it. Makes sense he would tab that out, though Meri doubted there was anything helpful here. 

She also finds a notebook, also filled with Clef’s messy scribbles. She can read some things, recognizing a checklist obviously. He’s really been working hard, huh. 

Meri doesn’t get much further than that, spotting Clef leaving the gas station. Quickly shoving everything back into the backpack Meri pretends like she was just staring out the window. 

Clef opens the passenger side door, dropping a bag of snacks into Meri’s lap and letting the gas station smell back in. Her face scrunches up. 

“Grabbed a bit of everything, I didn’t know what you wanted.” 

Meri didn’t know what she wanted either. She pulls out a bag of gummy worms, opening it up. She wasn’t that hungry but chewing helped get her mind off things. 

“It’s gonna be a long ride, so you can play some- uh- I’ve got Spotify and some sh- some stuff downloaded on this.” He hands her his phone, expecting her to know how to connect or bluetooth or what Spotify is. 

Meri spends a good ten minutes trying to connect to the car radio. She couldn’t tell you if the problem was with her, the phone, or the car, but there was definitely a problem. The second problem was she had no idea what type of music she liked. 

Clef didn’t have a single playlist, a single liked song, he hadn’t even looked any songs up. As far as she could tell he’d set this up yesterday. 

It was a little comforting, between the book and the supplies and this, to know that Clef was just as unsure as her.

“If you don’t like that I can get something else. Pandora or IHeartRadio or… there’s a lot of places to get music.” 

“No- it’s fine!” She puts on a playlist named America’s Top 100 just to fill the silence. 

They don’t really talk on the way there. There’s nothing to talk about. As uncomfortable as it is, it’s easier than pretending they had anything in common. 

The ride is long and despite the awkward air between them Meri is mesmerized by the scenery. Trees line the roads, sun reflecting off of each green leaf. The blue sky is filled with clouds. Occasionally they pass fields of animals. 

It’s so lovely outside. Meri rolls down the window, letting in fresh air. It definitely helps with her claustrophobia and nausea.  

Eventually, though, the wide open nature disappears. Meri finds herself surrounded by cities. The sweet fresh air turns sharp, smelling like gas and smoke. She rolls back up the window, clutching her stomach. 

Traffic thickens as they get closer to the theme park. Clef lowers the music, taking this time to actually explain this trip a little more.

“So-” he begins, “-There’s four parks here, or I booked four parks. There’s maps in there.” Meri saw those, she pulls them out again to flip through. “We’re going to Animal Kingdom today, it’s a smaller park you’ll like it.” 

Meri nods along, unfolding the Animal Kingdom map. 

“We’ll be going here first, for lunch.” He reaches over to tap the place on the map. “I’ve called ahead of time to get a table and explain your food restrictions. If you have any kind of allergic reaction, tell me so I can sue the shit out of the place. ‘Kay?” 

“Okay.” What does that even mean?

“I’ve got other stuff for you. Pass me that bag?” 

With some effort Meri sticks the bag into the space between them. With one hand on the wheel Clef digs through the bag, tossing several items onto Meri’s lap. 

Her inhaler, a phone in a pink phone-case, the pink wallet, a water bottle, and a bunch of other stuff she definitely didn’t need. There was one interesting thing, an armband with the Disney logo on it. 

“That’s your fast pass,” he explains. “Don’t lose it. Lets us cut the line. Was also gonna getcha one of those mini backpacks I always see.” 

“Okay.” Meri puts the armband on. 

“If you want any souvenirs you’ve got cash, a card, or you can just ask me. If you want something don’t hesitate.” 

“I don’t think I’ll really get anything.”

“I swear, Meri, if you don’t spend every dollar in that wallet-” he shakes his fist at her but there’s no force behind that action or his words. She chuckles a little, shoulders loosening. 

“Fine. I’ll- uh- I’ll buy the most expensive thing I can find,” she says, finding herself smiling for real. 

“It’s Foundation money, knock yourself out.” Clef smiles back, tapping her shoulder with his fist in a friendly manner. 

Clef spends the rest of the ride walking Meri through how to set up her new phone. Eventually they make it to a parking lot and they ride a tram to the theme park. 

“Animal Kingdom is the smallest park, I think. Which is why we’re only spending this afternoon here and not a whole day. You’ll have time to adjust,” Clef says as the theme park draws nearer. 

Like usual, Clef overestimates the amount of exposure she’s had in the world. From her position, staring out the window, she’s looking at a small city. And she was expected to walk around that? 

She wouldn’t complain, obviously. She could bear through. 

Clef takes her wrist, her hand occupied by her crutch. 

“If we get separated, you know how to call me, right?”

“I know." Did she? "I’ll be okay.” 

“Just checking. Our lunch place is down this way.”  

Clef leads her into a large building designed to look like the entrance to a cave. Rainforest Cafe she reads from the large sign outside, surrounded by brightly painted statues of rainforest animals. 

Inside Meri is enamored by the giant animatronic before her. The false-elephant turns its head, reeling it back as a prerecorded elephant sound plays. 

Meri scoots closer to Clef, her throat getting dry. Overhead there’s a flashing light and a low rumble as if to simulate a flash of lightning. 

“I’ve got table reservations for… Wojciechoski.” He utters his surname through his teeth. 

“How is that spelled, sir?”

“W-O-J- you should just be able to look at it and see, come on!”

“Ah, right. Here you are Mr. Wo- Wojin- W-” 

“Don’t bother, please.” 

The waiter nods, leading them to their table. Meri holds onto Clef, craning her head to keep it on the false-idol, as if it may come to life the moment she looks away. 

Their table, of all places in this restaurant, is right next to three more atrocities against God. The animatronic gorilla stares at her with dead eyes, playing out the motions of life without a soul. 

How far we’ve strayed from the light, Meri thinks, picking up a menu. 

“Go ahead and order anything you want. I’ll remind them about your allergies.” 

“Okay.” She was having a hard time reading the menu when a sin against God was staring her down. “I’ll just have this.” She points to a random place on the menu. 

Clef squints, taking the menu from her. “Yeah, this should be okay.” He looks up to her, as if for the first time. “Are you okay? You look a bit pale.” 

“I’m fine.” She digs her fingers into a table, scrunching up the table cloth. 

“You can tell me if there’s something wrong.”

“It’s just a bit noisy. I’ll be fine.” 

A waiter approaches. “What can I get you to drink?” 

“I’ll have ice tea- or wait- do you serve alcohol here?”

“No, sir.” 

“Fine, just the ice tea then. Don’t go crazy on the ice part.” 

…

“And you ma’am?” 

“Oh! Water’s fine! Hehe…” 

“And while you're here-” Clef orders their meals.

Somewhere in the car Meri’s bible still sits, the note still hidden inside, forever unmoving. It was hard to believe that this was the man she was so terrified of meeting. 

It was hard to believe this guy was a mass murderer and possibly a war criminal. 

It was also hard to believe anyone enjoys all the ambient noise. It’s enough to hear the roar of a crowd speaking, she didn’t need the sound of rain and animals on top of that. It’s like a forest but without the love of God’s creations.

It seems like they should be talking right now. They hadn’t quite gotten the hang of dinner talks. After a while Clef stopped having them eat at the kitchen table and they would stay in their separate areas. 

Was it her turn to start the conversation? His? What would they even talk about? 

“Your drinks,” says the waiter, placing their cups before them. 

“They put too much ice in…” he grumbles. “I’m going to be right back.” He pulls his water bottle out of his bag and shuffles off to the bathroom. Meri considers asking what he’s doing but decides not to. 

Alone she becomes visually aware of how out of her element she is. Surrounded by so many people she feels so exposed. 

Her heart rate quickens everytime a waiter and a group of patrons pass by. Her lungs begin to ache and she fumbles with her inhaler to relieve the pain. 

Clef returns with his water bottle empty. He sits back down and takes his glass of ice tea, cupping his hand over the top, and pours it into his bottle.

“What are you doing?” 

“Getting a drink for the road.” He seemed awfully proud of himself for this. 

After lunch Meri was perfectly happy to escape that God forsaken place. Clef was all too excited to drag her to the Dinosaur themed area of the park. Meri didn’t know what a Dinosaur was but they looked cool. 

“Never seen Land Before Time?” He asks as they wait in the fastpass line. Meri thought the point of a fastpass was to not wait in a line, but what does she know?

“I couldn’t watch TV.”

“They never put on a movie for you? No Lion King? Not even Nemo?” 

“I think the problem was the TV would stop working if it was too close to me.” 

“We’re binge watching movies when we get to the hotel tonight, do not let me forget.”

“Okay.” 

…

Meri leans against the wall, staring down the line ahead of her. 

The line scoots by, eventually Meri comes face to back with her first coaster. Her anxiety kicks in as she’s strapped in. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll be safe.” Clef puts a hand on Meri’s shoulder, revealing to her that he’s shaking significantly more than she is. 

There’s no time to say anything more. The ride begins. Meri’s adrenaline kicks in again, but she finds she’s not afraid, it’s invigorating. 

Just as quickly the coaster ends. Meri’s hair is a mess, sticking up in all sorts of directions. She runs a hand through it, trying to smooth it out.

That was… fun. 

It was fun! 

She begins to understand the appeal of a place like this. 

Clef looks a little sick though. He stumbles off the ride, paler than she’s even seen him, and takes several moments to respond when Meri expresses concern. 

“I’m fine! I’m all good.” He uses his hat to fan his face. “Let’s get moving.” 

They’re to walk out but Clef suddenly stops before her. There’s a wall displaying different pictures of people on the ride. Meri follows his gaze, finding the picture showing the two of them. 

There’s something strange in Clef’s eyes, something she won’t pretend to understand. Maybe he just looks that way because the picture makes him look stupid.

He taps his Disney wristband to a button, saving the picture to be printed later.

That’s how most of the day goes. Walking, refilling water bottles in the bathroom, standing in lines. At some point they split a funnel cake, Clef getting splattered with powdered sugar. 

“Hey! Look at that!” Clef stops by one of the many savouir stands, grabbing a headband with antlers. 

Meri shyly steps forward, letting Clef place it on her head. They weren’t as big as her real antlers but it felt right.

“Thanks.” 

Clef grins, proud of himself for that. 

At some point after the Dinosaur ride Meri was given a little booklet. She was supposed to walk around and collect stickers, something that’s probably fun if you’re ten. Clef at the very least seemed adamant they both complete the sticker book. 

While Clef searches for the next sticker Meri finds herself fascinated by a false mountain built by the park. Approaching she could hear the roar of a rollercoaster and the shrill screams of those aboard. 

“Hey, d- dad?”

“Huh?”

“Is that mountain a ride?” 

“Uh well- that’s Expedition Everest. But we don’t have to ride it if you-” 

“I would like to ride it! That’s so cool!”

“Okay then. We can ride whatever you want. But there’s no shame if we get there and you aren’t so into it.” 

It’s not until they’re already well and strapped into the ride that she notices how pale and shaky Clef is. God will forgive her for finding it a bit funny. Just a bit. 

Meri feels the jitters of adrenaline but Clef looks downright ghostly once the ride comes to a stop. He stumbles off the ride, putting his whole weight on his cane to prevent his legs from giving out.

“Dad…? Are you okay?”

“‘M fine. ‘M all good.” He grabs the edge of a trash can, letting out a dry retch. Meri cringes and carefully pats him on the back. 

“Did you have fun?” He asks, getting as close to his signature cheshire grin as he can. 

“Yeah, we don’t have to ride it again though.”

“Good… good.” 

They go watch a bird show next, a pretty red bird lands near Meri and Clef gets a picture. Afterwards Clef excitedly shows her a tiny backpack for deers and birds on it. Meri empties her pockets, finally understanding the appeal of a bag. 

It was hard to imagine she was ever scared of Clef, or scared of the idea of him. It was hard to imagine someone being scared of the man who excitedly dragged her to every ride. It was hard to imagine being scared of the man who almost worked himself into an anxiety attack when they stopped for dinner and Meri asked what venison was. 

He’s also a murderer, her inner monologue supplies her. Fun thoughts to have at the happiest place in the world. 

The last ride they do is a slow river ride. Clef tells her it’s based on a movie called Avatar. Meri finds it less interesting than the much faster Kali River Rapids, but she is fascinated by what’s near the end. 

She was terrified of the animatronics in Rain Forest Cafe but this one of the strange, blue alien was fascinating. How can something not alive move so fluidly but seem so soulless? 

They go back to the hotel after that. 

Meri’s arms and legs are sore from dragging herself around the park and this was only half a day. She dozes off in the car, only walking up when Clef makes a sharp turn and the car creaks like it’s coming apart. 

Like he promised Clef put on Land Before Time as soon as they made it to the hotel, Meri was too tired to absorb any of it. After a bit Clef just turns it off, assuming she fell asleep. 

She didn’t fall asleep, at least not when Clef thought she did. Curled up in bed she watches him pull that book out, the one she saw before, and read it by lamplight. She had to wonder if that book was helpful, if it was just her lagging behind. 

Clef shakes her awake the next morning. She shoots up, muscles still aching from yesterday. This is possibly the first time she’s been woken up this early.

“Rise and shine! Got breakfast reservations and a big park today!”

Her father was not a morning person, the past couple of months with him could tell her that. This morning he was wide awake, gathering up a full schedule off his bed and running around their hotel. He was jittery and way too awake, Meri found the culprit in the three empty cans of redbull by Clef’s bed. 

“Let’s go! Hurry up!” He paces around the front door as Meri changes clothes, annoying the shit out of the poor folks beneath them. Meri has the feeling when he crashes it’s going to be into the pavement. 

They stop by a fancy breakfast place. Meri eats a chocolate crepe for breakfast and Clef buys a colorful autograph book.

Today Meri gets acquainted with the other big Disney World thing. Meeting the Disney characters. Another thing she’s sure is probably fun but means very little to her as someone who’s never seen any of these movies. 

Clef is insistent that she fill up the little autograph book and who is she to deny him.

“So what am I supposed to do?” Meri asks, eyeing up a woman in a Cinderella costume. 

“Just go ahead and get in line. You just walk up, present the book, and then pose so I can take a picture of the two of you.” 

“Why can’t you do it?” 

“I’m going to be taking the picture. Also, I’m almost fifty. Just do this for your old man.” 

“Okay…” She inserts herself into the line. Clef gives her an emotional support thumbs up from a distance. 

She twiddles with the oversized pen in her hand, not recognizing the character printed on it. Why’s this pen need to be so big anyway? 

Finally it’s her turn to meet the princess and… oh, she’s-

Meri cuts her own thoughts off. She approaches, back stiff, book and pen held out at arm’s length, eyes wide and glued to the ground. 

The princess takes the booklet, her fingers brush against Meri’s. She stumbles, quickly catching herself on her crutches before she falls. She straightens up, face red. 

“Meri!” Clef calls, waving his phone in the air. 

The princess puts an arm around Meri’s shoulders, pulling her in close and giving a practiced smile to the camera. Meri’s antler headband gets pushed to the side. Meri doesn’t even see the flash, her eyes glued to a place the nuns would be very disappointed to hear about. 

“Have a lovely day!” Says the princess, a sing-songy quality to her voice. She waves Meri off and just as quickly she’s posing for a picture with the next person in line. 

Meri is too busy staring, distraught, into space to notice when Clef prattles up next to her. 

“So, how was your awakening?”

“Huh? Wuh? What do you mean?” Her cheeks turn two shades darker. 

“Hey, no shame here! I saw how you were looking at Ms. Cinderella over there.” He waves his phone around, Meri’s shame permanently caught on camera. 

“I’m sorry- ugh!” She groans, covering her face. What is even going on right now?

“Don’t be embarrassed. Everybody gets a crush on a Disney character once in their life.” 

“A crush?” 

“Yeah. I mean I had a bit of a crush on Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, especially when she turns into a dragon.” Clef licks his lips weirdly.  

“I don’t know who that is. Besides… that’s a girl…”

“So?”

“Isn't that… weird?” 

“No, not at all.” He takes her hand, giving her a serious look. “Hey, I know those nuns might’ve said some things, but never ever let anyone make you feel bad for liking girls or anything of the sort. ‘Kay?” 

“Okay.” Maybe the closest to fatherly advice he’s given her. She’s not really sure how to take that. 

Something to think about later. 

Clef gets her picture in front of the Disney Castle. Even she has to admit that it’s kind of cool. Mostly because it’s her first experience with a castle.

“The next ride we're going to get on is an all time classic.” He pulls out his map, tapping It’s a Small World. “Not a thrill ride, but an all time classic anyway.” 

Clef leads her into It's a Small World. Meri squints at the clock, jumping when the clock’s eyes open and looks back at her. 

“What kind of ride is this?” She asks, voice small. 

“It’s a slow river ride. Hard to describe. Come on!” He leads her through the fastpass line. 

If Meri was afraid of the animatronics in the past couple of rides this was…

Let’s just say, as much as Meri was trying to keep an open mind, she’ll never understand the appeal of creepy little puppets singing a creepy little song on a slow river ride. 

Something that will fuel her nightmares for a good while. 

Once off the ride Meri stumbles over to a bench. It’s honestly a Godsend to have some relief on her strained arms. 

“Feeling alright?” Clef asks, offering her water bottle. 

“I’m fine. Can we sit for a moment?” 

“Fine by me.” He sits down beside him, resting his head on her side. 

After a moment Clef pulls his ukulele out of his pack. Meri’s surprised to find it completely unharmed given the rides it’s been dragged onto. He starts strumming a few discordant notes. 

“What are you trying to play?” She asks, curiously watching his fingers.

“Oh? Nothin’. I just like strummin’ it.” 

“Do you know how to play any songs?”

“... no.” He turns his head to the side and Meri realizes he’s embarrassed by this fact. Just the barest of things slipping through the cracks of his facade. 

A beat passes.

“Can I play it?”

“Huh?” 

“Can I-”

“I heard you. Sure…” He slowly, almost begrudgingly, hands the instrument over. He watches her keenly. 

She runs her fingers along the cords, making a nice but pointless sound. She tries to remember if she’s ever seen someone play before any how they moved their fingers. 

“I do know how to play a few cords.”

“Oh yeah? Could you show me?” 

He scoots a little closer, guiding her hands and fingers over certain cords. For a moment Meri imagines it would be fun if they learned to play ukulele together but she doesn’t bring this thought up. 

They eat lunch at a place called Pinocchio Village Haus. Clef squeezes them into a seat where they can see into the It’s a Small World ride as people go in. 

Clef explains the plot of Pinocchio to her through a mouthful of french fries. Meri thinks it sounds awfully familiar, but she can’t quite place where she’s heard it before. 

Being swallowed by a whale must be a pretty common fear. 

After their meal Clef pulls out a plastic bag to stuff all their leftovers in. She’s not sure why he’s being so shady about it, they did pay for it, didn’t they?

Meri finds herself oddly attracted to Futureworld. The concept of space as a place and not an abstract concept was new to her. They ride Space Mountain together twice, Clef doing his best to stomach it all. 

“We should ride The Carousel of Progress, next,” Clef says after he stumbles off the ride a second time. “I deserve to sit back and take a nap for a bit.” He mumbles that last part but Meri hears nonetheless. 

“What’s The Carousel of Progress?”

“Oh- well I think it’s this thing where you sit down and you slowly rotate around this stage show. It- you’ll see.”

“Are there more of those… those robots. Like on the small world ride?”

“Something like that. Why?” 

She swallows a lump down in her throat. “Can we do something else, please?”

He gives her a look. “I mean sure. There’s also the uh…” he glances at the map, “The Monster Inc. Laugh Floor. Though, that one might not make much sense if you haven’t seen the movie.”

“I’m fine with that.” Just no weird puppet-robots please. 

Something that Meri noticed, and she definitely should have noticed sooner, that her father had never been here before. For some reason, given her very limited view of the world vs Clef’s more experienced life, she assumed he’d done this before as he seemed to understand what to expect before she did. 

But between the overcomplicated schedule and the sheer enthusiasm he had for things that meant very little to her, this was a first visit for him too. 

It’s almost comforting. Almost. 

Meri doesn’t really get the whole laugh floor thing. Maybe she just doesn’t get humor. 

They enjoy some dinner and ice cream. Meri fills Clef’s autograph book for him. The masks of the characters freak her out in equal measure as the weird robots but she persists. 

As the day draws near Clef asks for her ID and for her to find a place to sit. She does so, finding an empty place to sit down. She notices several other people scrambling around to get a seat but she can’t find the words to ask them anything. 

Clef returns, taking a seat beside her and handing her a bottle of beer and her ID, still slick with perspiration.

“What’s going on?” She scoots closer, trying to make herself smaller.

“They’re about to shoot off some fireworks.” Clef pops off the caps of their beers and clinks his against her’s. “Bottoms up.”

Meri slowly brings the bottle to her lips. The beer hits her mouth and burns. She jumps, splashing beer on herself and almost spitting it up. Clef cackles. 

“Huh?” She says, throat burning. 

“Burns a bit, huh? You gotta drink it slowly, it’s your first beer.” Clef sips on his drink.

“I don’t think I like this very much…” She hands the bottle off to him. 

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. I imagine you’re more of a wine person.” 

The chitter arounds them quiets down. Clef takes her hand, squeezing it gently. 

A single rocket shoots up into the sky and explodes into a dazzling blaze of light. Meri flinches at first, jamming her fingers into her ears and more and more rockets shoot up. 

It is beautiful. Like nothing she’s ever seen before. Slowly, she lowers her hands, and Clef takes one back into her own. 

“Amazing isn’t it?” Clef says, looking at her. 

Meri nods, looking at him. The lights bounce off her eyes and that’s more beautiful than anything Clef could’ve asked for. 

Chapter Text

Following the firework show Clef gets in the car, hoping to speed out of the parking lot before everyone else follows suit. Once the novelty has worn off, Meri dozes off in the passenger's seat. 

She looks peaceful, he thinks. He drives a little more carefully than he usually does as it dawns on him that he’s not just driving around alone anymore.

On his way to the hotel he pulls up to a gas station. He’s not low on gas by any means but he’s passed by while coming and going and he might as well refill while it’s on his mind. As his truck comes to a stop Meri stirs. 

“Huh. What are we doing?” She sits up, eyes still closed, speaking in that half-awake groggy voice. 

“Just getting gas,” Clef says, keeping his voice soft and low. He smiles at her, not a sharp, toothy, snarl of a smile but something soft that no one can see. 

“Oh… Be quick.” She covers her nose with the front of her shirt to block out the stench and slumps back against the window. 

“Alright honey.” 

He steps out of the truck, the cold air smacking him in the face. He closes the door behind him so as to not freeze his daughter. He looks up at the sky, it’s overcast. It will probably rain soon. 

He’s crying again, he realizes as cold tears run down his face. How strange he must look, crying in the middle of a gas station parking lot. Makes him feel sick. 

He’s not even sure what’s sparked this random wave of emotion. Perhaps, in this moment, standing here refilling his gas tank, it hits him that this is real. 

This is all… real…

It was so easy, in those first couple of weeks, for Clef to imagine that none of this was real. Every morning he fully expected to wake up and find himself completely alone and fully employed. 

But now, as he pulls the pump out of his car, he glances over his shoulder and sees his daughter curled up in the passenger’s seat, plastic antlers smooshed against the window. And it really hits him that this is all really happening. 

What is he supposed to do now that he’s won? 

A single raindrop lands on his nose. He shivers, rushing to pay so he can get back into the car. 

They pull up to the hotel moments later. Clef wipes his face and takes a deep breath, feeling the weight of his time with the Foundation and the GOC hit him like a sack of bricks. It’s hard not to feel like those years were wasted, now that the war’s over.

He nudges his daughter awake, doing his best to help her up and into the elevator. If she was a little smaller and he was a little more spry it would’ve been his honor to carry her to bed. But it’s too late for that, so he does his best with what he can do for her. 

He puts on Sleeping Beauty when he makes it there. Meri’s fast asleep, so it’s really only for him. It’s been so long since he’s seen this movie but it certainly still holds up. Makes him want to share it with her all the more, but… no, she needs her sleep.

There’s always another time…

The next morning Clef wakes up feeling like shit, a byproduct of all the Red Bull he drank yesterday. Or maybe he’s just old. Either way he’s drinking more Red Bull and starting his day whether it kills him. 

Hollywood Studios is the park for today. Despite being more of a Trekkie himself he was excited enough for that Star Wars section of the park. Meri liked Futureworld so maybe she’ll appreciate sci-fi. 

“Meri? Meri, honey, it’s time to get up.” He gently shakes his daughter awake.

“Hmm? I’m up… I’m up…” Meri wriggles out of the blankets and stares at Clef. 

“Can you get a shower real quick? We’re leaving soon.” 

“Mmmmm’kay,” Meri mumbles, fumbling blindly for her crutches. Clef helps her up and ruffles her hair affectionately.

Once she’s gone Clef quickly changes his clothes too. He probably needs a shower too, but breakfast is in an hour and… ugh, he'll just do it tonight. 

With all the necessities packed Clef is itching to get out the door. He stands outside the bathroom, tapping his foot impatiently. 

“Meri?” He calls, knocking on the door. “Are you almost done?”

There’s some shuffling on the other side. “I- I’m just doing my hair!” 

“Can I come in, honey?” 

A pause. 

“Su- yes.” 

Clef lets himself in. Meri stands before a mirror, wearing fresh clothes, trying her best to prop herself up with her crutches while braiding her wet hair. She stumbles when Clef enters, dropping her hair tie. 

Clef sighs. “Go sit down. I’ll help you with your hair.” 

“Okay…” Meri frowns, finding a place to sit down. 

Clef wraggles up their hairdryer and plugs it in. He comes up behind her and flicks it on. 

“Oh!” She jumps. “You brought that?”

“Thought it would come in handy!” 

He dries her hair the best he can, then he takes it upon himself to brush her hair. He’s never been one to grow his hair out too long, at least when he worked at the foundation, so hair brushing wasn’t a skill he had much experience with. 

Meri makes a displeasured grunt. Clef stops. 

“Was that too rough?” 

“It’s fine…”

“Honey ya’ gotta tell me if I’m being too rough. I don’t wanna hurt you.” 

Meri shifts uncomfortably, hugging her arms to her chest. “You could be a little gentler. But you can do whatever…” 

He smiles, one of the genuine ones he’s getting more accustomed to. He tries his best to be a little more careful. 

Braiding hair is also not something he’s ever done before. After a good couple of minutes Meri, politely, takes the hair band from him and does it herself. 

That was a little embarrassing… Damn he’s gotta broaden his skills a little.

He herds her out the door the second she’s done. Twenty minutes until breakfast… Maybe if he speeds just a little? No- he doesn’t want to risk Meri’s safety. He’ll just have to pray, assuming there’s any Gods left. 

Five minutes on the clock when they make it. 

“Too bad our fastpasses don’t let us cut this line,” Clef says, receiving no response. He glances at Meri, nudging her with his elbow. 

“Huh? What’d you say?” She stirs, looking like she’d been dozing off again. 

“I said- oh forget it.” 

“Sorry…”

“Don’t apologize, was just saying I wish we could cut this line.” 

“Oh, mhm…” She tries to sound like she’s paying attention but her mind is miles away. 

Clef follows her gaze, his eyes sticking to a group of five flashy looking women and a man in a wizard’s outfit. They were making a scene over there, giggling and talking loud enough Clef could hear them from where he was. 

Hooligans, Clef thinks, shaking his head. 

They’re late to Clef’s breakfast reservations, though, it’s not like it’s that big of a deal anyway. They make it to The Trolley Car Café and are seated without trouble. Clef orders himself several different coffees which certainly helps to wash the Red Bull out of his mouth. 

“Something on your mind?” Clef asks, hoping to start small talk. 

“Uh- Well… I guess I’m just mostly overwhelmed by all of this stuff. I’m not really sure what to get.” 

“Get whatever seems appealing to you, and if you don’t like it I’ll eat it.” He sips his coffee, feeling a little more alive already. “Want to try some?” He nudges one of his coffees towards Meri. 

“Oh, sure?” She hesitantly brings it to her lips. Clef watches her tense and then relax. “That’s sweet,” she says, astonished. 

“Yelp! Usually coffee’s bitter as shit but I’m too old to do that to myself. Probably going to get some for the road.” It’s likely safe to say that he would be allowed to walk out with his coffee, but just for convenience sake he brought a thermos to fill. 

They order breakfast, Clef happy to gorge himself on pastries and bagels and Meri shyly poking at whatever Clef puts in front of her. She shifts around in her seat, opening her mouth several times only to cut herself off before she can get anything out.

“Is there something you want to say?” Clef asks, hoping he isn’t prying. 

She cringes, staring at her food to avoid eye contact. 

“Were there others? Like me?” She finally asks. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know, like, others?” She gestures to the both of them. “People who were anomalous but became… not that?” She cringes, presumably at herself. 

“Well of course we had other anomalies contained. I never knew how many, but as far as I know every single one lost its anomalous properties after the whole- you know.” 

As he explains that, another thought occurs to him. 

“They- uh- never let you talk with anyone your age, huh…” He’d of course been aware of that, supported it even in the name of her safety. Like most things he never considered the long term consequences as long as it benefited him in the moment. 

She shakes her head. “No, it was always just the doctors or Father Davis.” She fidgets with her hands. “I guess I always hoped that you were like me. That you were…” She takes a deep breath, shaking her head. 

Clef tries his best to look kind, unsurprisingly not his strong suit. “I am like you.”

She nods, still not really looking at him. “Yeah.”

Clef smiles, believing they’ve made a successful conversation. 

Following breakfast Clef is quick to get back on the move again. He’s got stuff to see and boy does this park seem more crowded than the others. Following the map he makes his way around the artificial lake towards Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge. 

It takes him about two minutes to realize that his daughter is not behind him. He must’ve run off too fast. He backtracks, shouldering a few people out of his way. 

This is fine, he tells himself. She’s an adult, a grown ass woman. It’s not like he lost a toddler or something. He just misplaced his six-foot-tall plastic-antler-wearing disabled daughter. 

She’ll be fine… Clef should definitely find her quickly though. I mean how many tall, blonde, crutch-using, women could there be here?

Backtracking to their breakfast place Clef finds no sign of her. She must be lost among the crowd. 

Damn.

Clef pulls out his phone, quickly sending her a message. He is not freaking out in the middle of Disney World. That is not what is happening. 

He paces around the café, eyes glued to his phone. After several minutes of getting no response, he finds a place to sit and continues to not be anxious. 

He could of course ask a park worker or a police officer if they’ve seen her, but then he considers what he would look like explaining he lost his adult daughter. They’d think him some crazy, stupid old man. 

No, he can help himself. 

He glances at his phone again, noticing that his texts haven’t even been read. Sweat runs down the side of his face. 

He writes and deletes several messages, unsure of what to say or how to convey everything on his mind. What does he want to say?

He settles on something small. He slips his phone away, hoping she’ll come find him. 

***

Meri admits getting lost is completely her fault. She had her eyes on Clef until something else caught her attention. The second she looks back he’s gone, swallowed by the flood of people.

She’s not immediately disturbed by this, preoccupied by the group of women that captivated her before. She inches towards them, unknowingly going in the opposite direction of her father. 

The group crowds around a single table, happily enjoying each other’s company without any care for the people around them. They seemed at ease with each other, unlike Meri and her father. 

Someone bumps into Meri from behind. Meri braces herself to fall only to find herself embraced in warmth. She opens her eyes, finding herself in the arms of one of the cat-ear-wearing-girls. 

“You alright there, buddy?” The tall woman asks. She has black and white hair and bright green eyes. She helps Meri to her feet, fixing up her hair and antler headband. 

“I’m sorry, are you alright?” There’s a smaller woman behind her, brown hair and yellow eyes. She puts her hand on Meri’s arm. 

“I’m fine!” Meri squeaks. Her cheeks burn, her pulse hammering in her ears. 

“Everything okay over there?” Calls a large woman, with calico colored hair, from the table. She lowers her sunglasses, peering at Meri with forest green eyes. 

Meri swallows a lump in her throat, dropping her gaze to the floor in embarrassment. 

“Yeah everythings good!” The muscular woman puts a hand on Meri’s shoulder, unintentionally pinning her between her and the smaller woman. 

“You sure you’re alright there? You seem a bit nervous.” 

“I’m really okay! I uh- I just misplaced my father for a bit- But I’ll find him!” She was sweating way too much, only from the heat and nothing else.

“Do you want to come sit with us?” Asks the smaller one, scooting to the side and giving Meri some breathing room. 

“Sure?!” Her voice raises an octave. 

They lead her towards the group's table. The calico woman reaches back, grabbing an unused chair from the table over. Meri is seated between the calico woman and the muscular one. Meri has gotten used to being very tall but among this group she’s the second shortest, having a little over the man in the wizard hat. 

Meri’s phone buzzes in her bag. She takes it out, fidgets with it for a moment, and finds she doesn’t remember the code for it. Frustrated, she drops it back into the bag. 

The catgirls and the wizard man, aptly named Wizard, introduce themselves. Meri does her best to commit them all to memory. 

After a bit of chatter, Tomi, the calm-seeming silver haired woman speaks up. 

“You’re one of us, aren’t you.” It sounded like a question, but it was most certainly a statement.

“Huh?” 

“You were like us,” Tomi continues, “An anomaly. Before everything changed.” 

All eyes turn to Meri. Meri freezes, straightening her back. 

“You guys… were anomalies too?” She gasps, squeezing her crutch handles. “Were you guys at the- at the foundation too?” 

“We were! But we broke out and totally kicked ass!” Momoko says. 

“Until we woke up one day to find our ship on Earth and unresponsive,” explains Boss. 

“That’s so-!” Meri trembles with excitement. “There’s others like me?! I had no idea- well I mean- there’s my dad and all but he’s- well…” Meri visibly deflates. 

“Did your father do something to you?” Momoko asks, cracking her knuckles. 

Meri looks around, noticing the concerned looks of her newfound friends. “Oh! Oh no no! My father is lovely. He just… wasn’t around for most of my life. Due to the whole-” she gestures around.

The group nods in understanding. Boss pats her on the back, giving her a reassuring look. 

“Hey! If you’d like you could walk around with us for a bit! Maybe we’ll run into your dad somewhere,” offers Wizard. “Given that’s cool with everyone else?”

Most of the group nods in agreement, except Nanami who huffs and turns her head. 

Boss leans in and whispers to Meri, “Don’t mind her. She likes you just fine.” 

Meri nods, finding herself a bit overwhelmed. She joins the group as they head towards Sunset Boulevard, in the opposite direction of Star Wars: Galaxy edge.

As they walk Meri finds her mind drifting to that page in Clef’s book. Being a Previously Absent Parent. Her mind gets caught on that word, absent, and its connotations. 

Clef wasn’t an absent parent, he kept her safe, watched over her, made sure she had all her necessities. Of course, Meri didn’t know that until after her release. 

He did everything a father could’ve done in this situation and still… Meri was left with that word. 

Clef was not an absent father, but Meri still grew up alone and uncared for. And now all she was left with was a bundle of contradictory emotions he seemed to expect her to just take care of. 

Meri carefully slots that train of thought into the recesses of her mind. 

Sunset Boulevard is lovely, at least in Meri’s opinion. Meri’s glad to get a chance to ride the thrill rides without concern for her father’s health. He would’ve never survived the Tower of Terror. 

After enjoying the sights they slip into a stage play based on another movie Meri’s unfamiliar with. Something about a creature that turns into a human when a woman kisses him. Feels a bit distasteful in Meri’s eyes, but what does she know?

Towards the end of the play Meri remembers that she has a phone. She fishes it out again, uselessly fidgeting with it. She frowns, staring blankly at the number pad. 

Nanami glances over Meri’s shoulder. “What’s wrong with you?” She whispers. 

“I can’t remember my pin,” Meri says, feeling embarrassed. 

“Give that here.” Nanami snatches the phone and examines it. She grabs Meri's hand, carefully pressing her pointer finger against the pad on the back. The phone unlocks. 

“Oh! Thank you!”

Nanami huffs, crossing her arms and sticking her nose up. They’ve made some progress, Meri thinks.

Meri tabs on the notifications from her father. She frowns, staring at the three words that make up the most recent message, 

I love you! Sent an hour ago. 

Meri closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, holds it for a moment, and lets it all out. Then she makes her reply. 

Hey, sorry I just saw this. Where are you?

The typing indicator appears almost immediately. 

I’m by Muppet Vision 3D!

Number 2 on the map.

Glad you’re safe btw.

Meri chews on her lip, side eyeing her friends. 

I’ll be there in just a minute, she replies. 

Following the stage show Meri explains her situation to the group. 

“I should get back to him. He’s probably worried sick about me.” 

“Do you want us to walk you over there?” Hana offers, handing Meri a map of the park. 

Meri glances at the map, tracing a finger to her destination. “No, no I’ve got it. Thank you though! I’m glad I met you guys!”

She hesitantly goes in for a hug which Hana graciously returns. 

“What park are you guys going to next?” Meri asks, hoping their schedules might line up. 

“Animal Kingdom,” says Boss. 

Meri deflates. “Oh… I was hoping we could bump into each other again.”

Hana thinks for a moment. “If you have a pen I can give you my number. If you ever want to talk again.”

Meri pulls out the novelty pen and holds it out. Hana scribbles down her number on the paper map then passes it around for the rest of the group to do the same. Meri’s heart flutters. 

“Thank you all again!” Meri says, feeling tears prick up. She wipes it away and bids them a final goodbye. 

She finds her father on the other end of the park, sitting alone on a park bench. He perks up when he sees her, sprinting towards her with more speed than one would expect. 

“Meri!” He calls, damn near tackling her to the ground with a hug. “I was worried about you! Don’t-” he cuts himself off sharply, needing a moment to regain himself, “Please don’t disappear on me again. I can’t- I can’t lose you. Alright?”

Meri nods, feeling distant. “I’m sorry.” She considers telling him about her new friends, but given his current state she’s not sure how to bring it up. 

“It’s alright just-” Clef hugs her again, a little too tightly. 

“I’m okay. I’m here.”

When the day ends Meri is more mentally exhausted than physically, though she has enough to go around. She settles into Clef’s truck and stares wistfully out the window. 

She still doesn’t quite know how the phone works, though at the very least she can open it. She’ll have to ask him for help messaging her new friends, like she’ll ever work up the nerve to do that. 

She collapses in bed the second she can. Clef gives her some space. Meri can faintly hear the shower in the side room. 

The book sits on Clef’s bed, tabs sticking out of it like thornes. Meri feels her stomach churn. 

Clef was a good man, she thinks. He’s… a serial killer yes, and at least partially responsible for the last twenty-two years of isolation, but a good man. He cared for her, protected her, took her to church on Sundays even though he just fiddled on his phone the entire service. 

He loves her, and she knows he loves her. 

So why does being around him make her want to cry so much?

…

On this morning, the final day of their trip, Meri woke up before Clef. It was strange, seeing the bedroom illuminated by only the pale light of the early sun. Standing in the middle of the room, vision blurry, the room feeling strange and foreign, she struggles to feel real. 

She hears her father groan, the bed creaking as he rolls and twists in his sleep. She approaches his side, using the wall and the night tables to keep her up. He seems distressed, his face drenched in sweat and twisted into a grimace. 

Should she… wake him? Was it considered rude to wake someone up? 

Slowly, a tremor in her hands, she touches Clef’s shoulder and shakes him. His eyes shoot open and his hand flies out, snatching her by the collar of her shirt. She gasps sharply, frozen in place. 

Clef stares at her, or, more actually, through her. His eyes dart around her features, not taking anything in. Meri swallows thickly, her fearful expression a mirror of his. Her whole body shaking, she rests a hand on his wrist. 

“D-” the syllable gets caught in her throat. “Dad?” she forces out, voice cracking. 

He blinks, recognition filling his eyes. 

“Meri!” he says with a gasp, letting go of her. “Oh you’re- it’s you.” He sits up, pulling her into a tight hug. 

Meri can feel him trembling. 

He holds onto her for a moment too long. Meri can only stand there, unsure of what she should be feeling. He lets go of her, giving her a pat on the back. 

“I’m going to go shower- yeah, yeah that’s what I’m doing,” Clef says, as though he’s trying to convince himself. He gets up and wades past her without another word. 

Meri stands in the middle of the bedroom for a few seconds more, shaking like a leaf. Eventually her legs start to hurt and she gets her crutches and starts her day. 

They don’t talk about it on the way to the park. It’s not like Meri expected them to talk about it but it certainly feels like they should. The first words Clef says to her are in the line waiting to get in.

“Last day. Excited?” 

“Uh-huh.” Excited to go home, more like. All these parks were starting to blend together, it was hard to remember anything about this trip. 

“Remember to really drain my bank account here, last chance to bring home any precious memories.” Clef laughs, though Meri can’t figure out what’s funny. 

They skip breakfast here, Clef says it’s because they’re going to have a big lunch. Whatever. 

EPCOT’s gimmick is several smaller areas themed off of different countries. Meri can sum up her thoughts and experiences at each country in a few short sentences. 

In Mexico they ride a boat ride, it’s fine, a little too slow for Meri. Clef explains a little about The Three Caballeros which is a movie about three talking birds maybe? Meri buys a couple of hand made statues. 

In Norway they look at Norwegian artifacts. Meri doesn’t really get it, maybe if she knew a little more about history. There’s some sort of music show, but even this early in the day there’s a two hour wait so they slide right past. 

In China they look at some art. A little more engaging for Meri. Clef makes her get a picture with Mulan, whoever that is. 

In Germany they have their lunch early. They eat at a buffet and there’s live music inside. Meri thinks her friends would enjoy it here. The thought makes her a little sad, not that Clef notices, he’s too busy trying to subtly scoop food into his bag. 

They look at some clothes in Italy. 

There’s some art galleries in America. 

They see a drumming show in Japan. 

Meri meets Princess Jasmine in Morocco, not that she knows who Jasmine is or where Morocco is. 

In France they listen to some music from a movie Meri’s still never seen. 

There’s probably something in the United Kingdom but by the time they get there Meri’s feet hurt and she’s seen so much that it’s blurring together and she can barely remember anything at all. 

They finally sit down in Canada. Clef shares some of the food he stole from the Biergarten. Meri tries to relax, a knot building up in her shoulder.

“Having a good time?” he asks, tearing a bread roll in half and handing her a piece. 

“Yes,” she lies, because what else is she supposed to do? 

“Good! I know it’s been mostly sight-seeing for the past couple of hours, but there’s some cool rides coming up.” He unfolds the map, putting it between them. “We’ll do everything we can around here-” the World Celebration, the map proudly proclaims, “-eat dinner, fuck around, then finish off with Spaceship Earth. Sound cool?” 

“Yep!” Finishing off did sound cool. She was exhausted with this vacation.

Spaceship Earth, the centerpiece of EPCOT, seemingly built right under the famous EPCOT Ball. A slow moving darkride, two of Meri’s least favorite types of ride, perfectly blending together to make Meri uncomfortable. 

But it was EPCOT’s centerpiece, she just had to ride it. Her father seemed excited at the very least. It was just one last thing. 

“Hey? You alright?” Clef puts a hand on her shoulder as they near their turn to board. 

“Huh? Yes, I’m fine. Why?” 

“You seemed a little strained. Do you want to dip out?” 

Did she want to dip out? What a question. Did she even have an option?

“I’m fine,” she says, trying so hard to mean it. Because she is fine, she’s totally and completely fine with him and this whole trip. 

They cramp into a tiny seat. Clef holds her hand and she feels fine. 

She’s such a selfish brat, her thoughts provide her, drowning out the ride’s voiceover. Her father brought her into his home and took her to the Happiest Place on Earth and here she is… miserable. 

How selfish can you get?

The ride is nothing special. It’s about fifteen minutes of sitting in a slow moving seat while a voice explains the history of technology. There are occasionally creepy robots to go with the past as it’s described. 

She comes off the ride feeling more shaken than anything else. 

“Wasn’t that cool?” Clef glances at his watch. “If you want to stick around, I hear they’re shooting off fireworks in a bit… Meri?” 

He reaches up, brushing his knuckles against her cheek. She’s crying and she didn’t even realize it. She looks down at him, watches his face scrunch up in concern, an she knows she’s fucked up. 

“What’s wrong? Honey…?” 

Meri takes a step back, turning away from him. “I’m- uh- I’m sorry.” She picks a direction and starts walking away, not out of her own will but a sudden need to just get away. 

She finds an empty patch of grass, a short distance from the EPCOT ball, and falls to her knees. Clef comes up behind her, nervously glancing at the people around.

“Meri?” He says, voice as soft as he can muster. He gets on his knees and scoots up next to her. 

She stifles a sob. “Please just go away.” 

Clef swallows a lump in his throat. “I’m not going to do that.”

“I don’t know what you want from me.” 

“What do you mean?” He scoots in closer, a shaky hand hovering over Meri’s shoulder. 

“This-” she waves her hands out, gesturing to everything around her. “I don’t know what you want from me and all of this.”

A few people pass by, families, father’s with their kids. They all politely ignore the woman crying in the grass.

“I don’t even know you. I don’t know anything here. You just expect me to get it and I just… I don’t!”

“I don’t really know what you want either, kid.” 

It’s true, Meri hadn’t exactly gotten a hang on communicating her needs. She mills over that. What did she want?

“I want…” She stands up, her back to Clef. “I want to know what my mother was like.” She turns to face him, trying her best to stand up straight. “And… And I want to know who you are. I want the truth.” 

This was the most assertive she’s ever felt. She could feel her adrenaline kicking in. Her legs and arms felt weak and she was trembling ever so slightly. But she couldn’t crumble, not yet. 

She needed to know. 

Clef looks taken aback. He slowly gets to his feet, possibly shaking more than she is. He chews on his lip, a drop of blood slowly running down his lip. He wipes it away, gazing up at her, an unclear emotion in his eyes. 

From where Meri is standing the EPCOT ball appears to sit directly behind her head. Its glowing multicolored-lights shine out, creating a ring of light around her face. 

It’s almost holy. 

“I see… I knew you would want to know eventually.” He hooks a finger under his collar and tugs at it. “I- you’re right I owe you an explanation. I just-” 

He swallows visibly. Taking out his water bottle he brings it to his lips. Almost immediately he retches, spitting it out onto the ground. 

“Are you okay?” Her false resolve shatters and she’s once again a terrified little kid who’s sure she’s just stepped out of line and is about to be punished for it. 

“I’m fine- Meri I’m okay.” He wraps his arms around her, squeezing her into a tight hug and acting as her support. In turn she wraps her arms around him. Both of them are shaking. 

“I- I’m going to tell you the truth. I’m going to tell you everything, okay? But not here.” 

The EPCOT’s light show ends. They’re just a normal father and a normal daughter embracing each other in the middle of a theme park. The world is still turning. 

“I feel like I haven’t been a great father to you.” 

“I feel like I haven’t been a good daughter,” Meri replies with a self-deprecating chuckle. 

“You haven’t done anything wrong, I promise. I’ve never known what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to be doing…” He pauses, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. 

“But…” he continues, slowly releasing her from his arms to look her in the eyes, “I’ve always known that I love you.” 

There’s a pause. Meri knows this is where she should speak, where she should return the gesture.

But… she can’t. She just… can’t. 

The words hang in the air but she can’t find it in her to mean them. 

One day she will, one day she will say the words with confidence and truly mean them. 

Not tonight. 

The moment stretches too long. Then, Clef nods, taking a step back and allowing her to regain her footing. For the first time ever, Meri feels understood. 

Chapter Text

Someday, Meri will find herself on the beach. Her father will take her by the hand and help her across the sand to a group of friends. A friend of her father’s will lay down a towel for her and her father will prop up an umbrella. 

She will sit, enjoying the warm sands around her, watching a group of women play volleyball from a distance. Her father will sit beside her, ukulele in hand, strumming random notes. 

“Will you please put that thing away, dad? It’s driving me insane.”

Her father will grin, lips curling back to reveal all his teeth like a cheshire cat. 

“I’ve carried this ukulele around all my life,” he’ll reply, “I think I should finally learn to play it.”